There's a special kind of broken. It only comes once in a while. For you? You know this sort of madness. It tears you at the seams. Every month.

"ANERN. ANERNANERNANERNANERN!"

"Lyler, please stop," you mutter to the mare beside you. "I don't think I can handle this right now."

"BUT THEY SAY THE NUMBER. WE GET TO GO SEE PELVIC MCTHRUSTY!"

Your head snaps to attention, and to your surprise, the secretary at the front stares at you impatiently.

"Oh!" you mutter, rising to your feet and grabbing your paperwork. You take the door labeled 'Enter here' as Lyler follows behind you, dragging her ass on the ground, a small brown streak following behind her on the tile floor.

Once you step into the hallway, a mare behind a desk beacons you over to her.

"Welcome to the welfare office, Anon. We've expected you for some time," the mare behind the desk says happily.

"I, erm. No. I have a job. I'm here for this one," you say, pointing to the mare now chewing on the office worker's desk.

"I... see..." she says. "Well then, take a seat. Now then, can you tell me if you are this mare's guardian?"

You sit down in the seat as Lyler hides under the partner chair.

"Oh, no. I'm not. As you can see, I am not a horse."

"I see," says the secretary. "Then who is the guardian?"

"Oh it's!"

WAIT. ANON. YOU HAVE INSTRUCTIONS FOR THIS! YOU TAKE A MOMENTARY FLASHBACK TO 15 MINUTES AGO.

Lyra stares you down aggressively.

"Now, if they ask you anything that would involve me in anyway, use this note," she says.

She hands you a piece of folded paper that you stuff in your pocket.

"DON'T. MESS. THIS. UP. FOR ME," Lyra growls.

"Yeesh, fine," you groan. "It's like being a musician in a small town doesn't pay the bills or -oh okay I get it now."

AND NOW THE FLASHBACK IS OVER.

You pull the note out of your pocket and glance at it out of the corner of your eye.

"Right. Well. Uh. The guardian for Lyler is..."

You open the note and look down.

"No."

The mare looks at you curiously.

"No? The name of the guardian is 'No'?"

You chuckle and shove the paper back in your pocket.

"Haha!" you overdramatize. "As in no guardian necessary! She's totally able to take care of herself! I mean, look at her!"

Lyler pops her head up through the chair cushion, her tongue lolling out of her mouth.

"IMMA GREEN CARROT!"

Silence fills the room as a drip of sweat runs down your forehead.

"Uh-huh..." she says, not even attempting to hide her disbelief. "Alright. The best we can do for Miss-... uhh."

"Lyler. Lyler Heartstrings."

The mare tilts her head.

"Any relation to Lyra Heartstrings?" she asks.

"I KILLED HER," Lyler yells.

"No, no relation," you say, placing a hand over your eyes.

"I see. Cause she was just in here the other day, and... Ah, well. I can't really talk about it. We can give Miss Lyler 30 bits a week for expenses."

"Awesome," you say as the mare hands you a form.

"Have her sign this when... uhm. Is she on drugs?"

"LYE TASTES BEST ON FRENCHIE FRIES!" Lyler screams as she trots around the room, chair still stuck around her neck.

"Yes. Uh. Hallucinogenics. Or something. She injected a marijuana or something. Thanks, bye!"

You grab Lyler by the armrest and drag her out of the office.

"IMMA CHAIR. I NO HAVE TO STAND FOR THIS!"

"Just fuckin' come on," you growl.

You step out of the office and pop the chair off of Lyler's neck. The secretary stares at you angrily. You pick up Lyler like a baby that just shit it's diaper and rush out of the Welfare Office.

Hightailing it back to Lyra's house, you knock on the door. Lyra answers the door as you throw Lyler back inside. Somehow Lyler manages to land on all four hooves, like a cat. Then take a step, and fall over.

"How'd it go?" Lyra asks.

"Here," you say, handing her the papers.

Lyra looks over them and smiles.

"Thanks, Anon. This really means a lot," she says.

"Whatever," he says. "If you get audited, I'm not involved. Okay?"

"Sure. I'll only mention you, like, once."

"Wait, no! Lyr-"

Lyra slams the door on your as she turns to her sister.

"Looks like things are lookin' up, Sis."

"THE FLOOR IS PRETTY," Lyler says as she pokes her horn into a crack in the wood floors.

Lyra moves over to the phone and lifts it with her magic. Then wipes off the saliva that drips off of it. She groans, but dials a quick phone number.

"Yeah, Mom? Yeah. I wanted to call you back about what we discussed on Mother's day," she says, looking to her sister. "Yeah, that. Screw off. I won't put her in a home. ... Yeah. I'm sure. ..."

Lyra pulls the phone away, a dial tone ringing out from the phone. She puts the phone back on the reciever and sighs to herself happily.

"Hey, Sis?" Lyra says.

"IM DA BESS."

"Wanna go get groceries together with Anon?" she asks.

"WILL WE GET TO SEE MERT DERMON?"

Lyra smiles and shakes her head.

"Probably not," she says, approaching her sister. "But. We can get some of your faavorite!"

Lyler instantly leaps to all fours. Her pupils grow to the size of grapefruits. She puts her tongue back in her mouth.

"DO WE GET TENDIES?!"

Lyra nods happily.

"Let's see if we can catch Anon before he leaves."