Lyra closes the leather clasp on her bag and rises to her hooves. Looking to the living room where her sister sits, she sighs and turns her gaze to the table she stood at. A greeting card rests there, 'Happy Birthday, Mom' scrawled on it in Lyra's best cursive. She took slow, careful hoofsteps into the Living Room and sits down by her sister.

"Now, Anon can't come over today, Lyler," Lyra says gently. "I need to leave you home alone."

"OKAAAYYYY!" Lyler screams, brushing the pricklies of her cactus with a hair brush.

"I should be back before it gets dark. I just need to go see Mom and Dad in Canterlot, okay?"

"OKAYYYY!"

Lyra smiles, looking at Mr. Boomboom with a sort of melancholy that she could easily hide from her sister.

"I left some sandwiches in the fridge if you get hungry. The sandwiches are the only things you're allowed to eat, okay?"

"OKAYYYY!"

"Say it back to me now," Lyra says.

"EAT ALL THE SANDWICHES!"

"Close enough," she says, rising to her hooves. "Be good, Lyler. I'll be back before you know it.

Lyra grabs the bag and card, then leaves. The door closes on the Heartstrings household and a silence fills the home, leaving Lyler alone in solitude. The door slams back open.

"AND DONT YOU DARE EAT THE ALUMINUM FOIL AROUND THE SANDWICHES," Lyra screams.

"BUT ITS THE BEEESSTTT PAARRTTTTTTTTTTT"

"NO."

The door slams again as Lyler tosses the hair brush on the carpet. The challenged mare lies back on the floor and stares at the feeling. She's all alone. Again. There has to be something to do. Lyler places a hoof to her forehead and taps it.

"THINK THINK THINK."

The lightbulb above her head in the living room lamp shatters. The mare springs to her hooves and leaps towards Lyra's Lyre. She strokes the strings like something out of an erotic novel's bad foreplay scene.

"LYRA NEVER LETS ME TOUCH THE LYRE! I MAKE PRETTY MUSIC."

She strokes each individual string, listening to the different notes it produces. Lyler experiments doing different strings at different times, then frowns.

"I CAN'T PLAY RAINING BLOOD ON THIS."

She tosses the Lyre over her shoulder, and it flies out of a window of the home, colliding into the face of a baby dragon outside.

"MAYBE I CAN CALL ANERN!?!"

Lyler trots to the house phone and examines it carefully. She lifts the receiver of the phone and stares at the number carefully.

"I DONT KNOW ANERN'S NUMBER," she screams.

Finding the only rational option left, Lyler smacks her face into the phone dial several times. The phone begins to ring. Lyler squeals with glee and she puts the receiver by her head. The other end picks up.

"Hello! This is the Golden Oaks Library! My name is Twilight, how can I-"

"YOU'RE GOING TO DIE ALONE!"

"W-what?"

"LIFE IS SUFFERING AND MISERABLE."

"Is... is everything okay?" Twilight asks from the other side. "Do you want to talk?"

"I DID NOT HIT HER! IT'S BULLSHIT. I DID NOT HIT HER. I DID NAHT."

"Hit who?"

"BYEBYE"

Lyler slams the phone and giggles to herself.

"THIS IS FUN."

Lyler picks up the phone again and slams her face into the phone 4 more times. The phone begins to ring once more as she snickers to herself.

"This is Dash?" Rainbow says from the other side of the line.

"HELLO."

"Uhh. Who is this?"

"THIS IS A HORSE," Lyler snickers.

"Uhm. That really narrows it down, like... not," Rainbow says.

"Who is it, Dash?" Anon says off in the distance.

"ANERN?! IS THAT YOU? ERMAHGERD"

"Oh GOD! Hang it up, NOW! NOW!"

The line goes dead.

"NO ANERN WHYYYYYY YOU WERE SOOOO YOUUUNNGGGGGG!"

Lyler hangs up the phone and picks it up again, slamming her face into the phone 4 more times.

"Hello? This is Ruby?" says a cool, feminine tone on the other side.

"YOU AREN'T ANERN. KILL YOURSELF."

Lyler forces the phone down, then sits on the floor with her hooves folded.

"WHY ARE PONIES SO MEEEAANNNN?!"

She sighs then shakes her head.

"I'MMA CALL MORE PEOPLE!"

She picks up the phone and slams her face into it. The phone dial sticks to her eyeball as the phone begins to ring.

"U-uhm. H-hello? This is Fluttershy."

Lyler breathes heavily into the microphone.

"Um. Hello? Is anypony there?"

"SEVEN DAYS."

"Uhm. Seven days until.. what, Miss scary phone person?"

"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" she screams at the highest pitch possible.

"Owowowowowow," Fluttershy moans.

Lyler drops the phone and kicks her hoovesies in glee.

"I AM THE BEST AT PRANKS."

Picking up the phone again, she slams her jam and brings the phone to her ear. The ringing goes on for about 10 seconds before there's an answer.

"Uh. this is Ryan? How did I get a phone?"

"LYRA WANTS YOUR DICK."

"...Mommy?"

"FUCK HER RIGHT IN THE PUSSY."

"Uh...what?"

"IT PUTS THE LOTION IN THE CASKET!"

"Uhhhh...I think you mean 'basket.' It puts the lotion in the basket."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Jesus fucking Christ! My ears!"

Lyler slams the phone again, smiling her usual gleeful, vacant smile.

She dials another number.

"Hello?"

"HALLLO."

"This.. this is the Crystal Empire private line. How did you get this number?"

"I LYLER"

"... well, Lyler. This is Princess Cadance. Is there anything you need?"

"LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER LYLER!"

"Is that even a name?"

"WHY ARE YOU SO TRASH?"

"Excuse me?! I am a Princess. I am hardly-"

"WORST PRINCESS."

"Well, I can certainly understand if I'm not as well revered as Princess Twilight, Luna or Celestia, but-"

"YOU'VE LITERALLY DONE NOTHING."

"Hey, I had a baby."

"YOU'RE MOVING MOUNTAINS FOR FEMINISTIC CULTURE."

"Well, I'll say. I'll let you know that- ... Actually, nope. I've had enough."

You hear the sloppy sound of a phone trying to hang up, but not hanging up all the way.

"Now then... Miss Velvet... where were we?~"

Lyler slams the phone, eyes wide and repulsed.

"TWO MARES! GROSS. EEEWWWW."

Lyler sits on the floor, staring at the phone intently. She picks it up one more time, dialing another random number. the phone answers quickly.

"Heartstring's Residence?" echoes a gentle tone on the other side of the phone.

Lyler pauses. Then gently puts the phone back on the reciever. She picks the phone back up and dials a new number.

"Good Morning! You've reached Carousel Boutique! Where-"

"NO! THIS IS LYLER."

"Uhm, Excuse me, this is Rarity."

"NO! THIS IS LYLER."

"Rarity."

"LYLER"

"Rarity"

"RARLER"

"Larity"

"RARITY"

"Lyler."

"THATS MY NAME ARE YOU STALKING ME?!"

"Wait, what?"

"LEAVE ME ALONE YOU TERRIFYING PERSON."

Lyler hangs up the phone, snickering. She nods to herself in pride, trotting away from the phone.

"I AM THE BEST AT PRANKS. I DESERVE TO EAT SANDWICHES UNTIL I AM FOIL."

Lyler runs to the kitchen and gets out three foiled sandwiches, then runs back to the phone. She takes a big bite of the aluminum foil, and chews it intently.

"IT TASTES LIKE THE BLOOD IN MY SOUL."

Lyler picks up the phone and rolls her eyes on the keys, literally.

"HALLO THIS IS RAINBOM."

Lyler tosses the phone up in excitement.

"RAINBOM ITS LYLER"

"LYLER! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"I MISSED YOU LYLER"

"I MIS YOU TOO RAINBOM ARE WE BEST FRIENDS?"

"YES."

"YAAAAYYYY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Lyler shouts.

"IM ON THE PHONE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

"I AM ALSO ON THE PHONE!"

"WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON."

"BESTIES!" Lyler continues

"BESTIES."

Lyler takes a large bite of foiled sandwich.

"ARE YOU EATING FOIL?" Rainbom asks.

"YES IT IS DELICIOUS."

"FOIL IS NICE BUT I REALLY LIKE CACTUS."

"I HAVE CACTUS PET." Lyler says.

"CACTUS IS FOOD NOT PET!"

"NO! CACTUS PET! I GAVE BIRTH TO HIM. IMMA MAMA!"

The line goes silent.

"CACTUS ALIVE?"

"YAS."

"I STOP EATING CACTUS FOR YOU LYLER!" Rainbom says.

Lyler gasps, tearing up on the phoen.

"YOU MEAN IT?"

"YUS."

"I WUB YOU."

"WILL YOU TRY MY OTHER FAVORITE FOOD FOR ME?"

"I WILL EAT ALL OF THE FAVORITE FOOD."

"I LUB CHIK TENDIES," Rainbom says.

"WHAT ARE CHIK TENDIES?"

"FIND THEM. THEY ARE DELICIOUS."

"I WILL GO AND FIND THEM," Lyler says with determination.

"GO! FIND THE TENDIES!"

"BUT HOW WILL I CALL YOU AGAIN, RAINBOM?" Lyler asks.

"ROLL YOUR EYEBALLS OVER THE BUTTONS IN THE SHAPE OF A WEIRD SNAKEY SNAKE."

"OH! OKAY! I'LL REMEMBER! BYE BYE RAINBOM!"

"BYE LYLER!"

Lyler hangs up the phone and swallows the balled up foil and lettuce in her mouth. She walks to the front door and turns the doorknob.

"THE QUEST FOR THE CHIK TENDIES BEGINS..."