To the desk of the ‘Equine Inquirer’,

I’m anxious writing about this, but I think I have a lead for my favorite paper. You probably already know this, “We tell the stories the others don't” and all, but an extra letter will let you know exactly how big this is.

Our local librarian, and the element of magic (yes, of the elements of harmony), has caused a riot in our town. She was so scared of failing the Princess that she resorted to drastic measures… namely enchanting her barely held together doll, probably from foalhood but she’s a weird one, with some curse that caused all of us to want it more than anything else, it made the Gala Ticket Fiasco (I believe that’s the last thing I wrote to you about) look calm and orderly.

There are rumors, especially among those that knew her, that she got sent to Magic Kindergarten, something tells me that’s an euphemism similar to ‘moved to the settlements’. Either way, she got sent on a train to Canterlot, please investigate. If the Elements are being systematically determined to be not loyal or, Princess-forbid, a danger to the world despite saving it twice, it’s your duty to provide the facts to those who would rather remain ignorant of the truth.

From an invested subscriber,

Roseluck

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Current Month's Stories (order of priority)

Thestral Emigration to Prance: With the return of the Princess of the Night, the Eastern Thestral population has had higher emigration rates than usual, an anonymous tip sent in with a Royal Seal stated that it’s a secret invasion to make sure that the Princess of the Night has a realm to fully rule upon while her sister reigns in our glorious land. Journalists assigned to this project will receive full payment, travel, and housing provided in Prance. Taken

Kelpies and Your Foals: A close source to the Minister of Education has stated that the school system has started removing swimming from the Physical Education regimen, not due to limited funding to build and upkeep indoor pools, but due to kelpies moving into schools via the pipes for easy meals. The journalist assigned to this project will be required to take a background test by the MoE, and have no criminal background whatsoever. If passed, then the journalist will be granted full leave to explore the school system, followed by a foray into kelpie reservations, armed guards will be included for the interesting interviews to follow. To Be Taken

Blueblood Pregnant?:Rumors abound, from several close associates of the honorable prince, that his exploits in high society have finally had karmic results. The journalist assigned to this project will be granted limited leave to a nearby town to understand why Blueblood took leave. Taken

Element of Magic Knows Nothing About It: The entire subscription population of Ponyville has sent in a request for investigation on what happened to the Element of Magic, supposedly relocated to Canterlot for ‘re-education’, has supposedly started a riot that required Royal intervention. The journalist assigned to this project must be willing to interact with high-tier society with ease and without fear, they will receive overtime if stuck in waiting rooms to speak to proper authorities on the matter. To Be Taken

Love potions and Failing Marriages: Divorce rates have been steadily dropping since ready access to Cloudsdale by non-pegasi, while statistically unlikely to be caused by Love potion creation, and more likely related to the lack of the draconian laws passed out by the Boulè of the Free City, it is to be investigated and reported as a possibility. The journalist assigned to this project must be a Cloudsdale native, and be willing to look for difficult-to-find information, all according to their best judgment. To Be Taken

Journal Entry #0436

I have been assigned a new project. Simple really, the mare upstairs thought that I’d make a good observer of the ‘Sparkle’ family, one of the more-curious higher society families without one of those pretentious Romean derived names, but still with strong influences from them. I don’t know why, due to my previous work on them I’ve been called everything from a ‘bully’ Find out the true story of Pony-Cattle relations, that word had to come from something to a ‘manipulative piece of’.

Supposedly, this is a low-tier story, a fragmentary and un-trusted lead, but anything involving the government being anything but ‘Noble and Harmonious’ is commonly covered up and redirected towards celebrity drivel and banal statements on ‘oh how wonderful it all is’… if I know anything it’s that the government will gleefully lie and perform any action to keep a bright and happy façade.

The story itself is unreal if taken at face value, but that just supports my faith in this. “Sent to Magic Kindergarten” is either a horribly unimaginative euphemism, or a horribly imaginative one. Regardless, I’ve never heard it before, it’s something that sounds like you’d tell to your little colt about where their leukemic sister went, after you finished crying at the failures and deceptions of modern medicine. The possibility that the source misheard is to be kept in mind

Talking about magi tendered garden, Staked and magic forgotten, Making magic for Snide Carpenters, Faking magical kin and mark

Well, I may be awful at trying to find out what the source misheard, but it shouldn’t be necessary, just take proper precautions and investigate properly.

I, Screwy Words, take the solemn pledge to find out, and spread the truth to the ignorant masses.

Journal Entry #0439

Some may call me a hoarder, but without my finely-tuned organized chaos I would’ve had to resort to the government-printed address book to find out where the family in question lives. The old slip of paper provided by a domestic servant of theirs should be accurate; the oppressed masses will always tell you what you need to know in contrast to the bureaucratic methodologies of The Regime slowly inducing insanity and hatred of self-actualization. Of course the oppressing methodologies are relatively more up-to-date than a seven year old piece of paper.

The directions to get there were hastily written, smudged, and marked with the years of loyal service as a coaster. Some of the roads have been renamed or altered to some extent from what I remember, and the neighborhood has gone a bit south. The cracked bottles of the proletariat who seek some form of relief from their burdens litter some of the streets and alleyways. It's good to know that the nobility get their entertainment from watching this world ruin itself one drop at a time.

By the time I found the house the celestial scorching embodiment of the state was low in the sky. The still-proud home of a family line that stretched back to the initial EUP founders was almost losing its battle against nature, if the weeds were anything to go by, but, at the same time, the architectural style transmitted a sense of unbroken dignity. If it wasn't for the lights throughout the home and the scents of dinner being prepared then I would’ve thought that there was just one more family that lost its proud heritage and property to higher uncaring machinations.

It could be a trap laid for those who seek the truth, contact with anypony within the residence would have to wait until there was some degree of certainty of what’s going on. Being the stallion to inform the family that their daughter has been taken away never ended well for me in the past.

Sadly the only progress made today is knowledge of where the home in question is. I may still have my previous contact, it’s unlikely given the tendency of the upper-class to use ponies and throw them away, but it remains an open possibility to be exploited.

Journal Entry #0438

In order to meet my contact, I needed to wake up well before sunrise. The last time I investigated the family and the circumstances surrounding it she was indispensable in providing information relating to the history of the occupants and the day-to-day activities of the residence. Her name is Sedula Serva, a prime example of a fine looking and competent mare. Her loyalty to the family is firmly entrenched with her lack of limits on helping anypony who is in her life. In fact, I have reasons to think that maybe her long term service started out as a small favor for them and she just became a fixture and honorable family member in her own right. That, or the pay was really friggin' good.

Getting into the estate was simple enough, the front gate was unlocked and it was early enough I could feign drunkenness from a night of revelry if I was caught. The overgrown grass muffled my movements and the dewdrops felt nice on my sore legs from all the damn walking I’d had to make at these early hours. I didn’t remember where the kitchen was, but my nose lead the way better than any map could have done.

I’m still confused by why her immediate response to a stallion knocking on the window in the early morning is to smile, open it, and ask if he wants a muffin. However, I also doubt if there is any better way to meet each other, after many silent years of accidental encounters. Somehow she remembered me after all these years, mentioning a calendar of some description, but she didn’t hold ill will towards what my previous articles did to the household. She laughed and said that whatever harm my articles could have done were removed by the fact that it was me who was doing the writing. I chose to take that insult as one directed at the outlet through which I work through. and its celebrity gossip. rather than my capabilities as a journalist.

The data I got was slim, but invaluable, apparently, for some unfathomable evil reason, or some unfathomably ill-thought out conspiratorial reason, Twilight Sparkle, Element of Magic, Student of the Raiser of the Sun, was really in Magic Kindergarten, not a re-education facility… assuming that Sedula wasn’t being fed lies. Given how quick she was to offer me assistance and let me in on what was ‘really going on’, it could be possible, likely, that an independent investigator was a possible scenario that the higher machinations were prepared to confront.

Journal Entry #0439

For the third time in my life I saw Twilight Sparkle, same youthful form as ever. The downcast eyes and flattened ears were all I needed to see to understand that this wasn’t a pleasurable ride for either of us. She was in what appeared to be a large smock. It was odd fit, a bit bulky tail-side, but it seemed to be functional for the purposes of sitting around and rehearing the ‘education’ she probably helped to some degree distill for the minds too young to shield themselves from the occasional lie. Maybe the bulk was due to the sedentary lifestyle that comes with being fed whatever the higher machinations taught her through Celestia. A plump populace is one that engages in hedonism rather than questioning and exploration.

Twilight’s Mother, if I recall correctly, Velvet was providing escort, and to my surprise literal hoof-holding. The state went far to properly inflict this punishment on an errant tool in their set, probably to ensure future loyalty and minimum fuss down the line. Embarrassment always is a powerful tool against mares, young mares especially so. This dedication to the task would leave her more or less broken, if kept up, but it was low-key enough that it didn’t draw attention to the failures of the system as a whole.

Shadowing them through the morning crowds was simplistic enough, lots of ponies going to work, and as we moved further along it became clear that the ratio of foals going to school was rapidly increasing. When the school was reached, due to several occurrences I feel pointless to describe, I had to stand aside and let the flood of foals, doting parents, and late employees go past me.

The building was something resembling the archetypical reminder of the matriarchic oppression, the sleek curves and deep embedded entrances well maintained in opposition to the crumbling jutting fountain taking center stage, just to serve as a method to split and direct the rushing hordes.

I heard a not so subtle cough behind me, and I turned to see Mrs. Velvet eyeing me before she opened her mouth and asked me if it was also my foal’s first day at school, what I thought of the educational standards there, I believe there were also a few other what I suppose qualify as ‘parental small talk’ questions. I answered to the best of my ability, but the biggest hint that I was being expertly played was when I asked what her foal’s age was, the answer I received was 3 and 7, which wasn't just the wrong answer, but not even the difference between Shining Armor and Twilight was correct. It turns out that the small talk you make with random guards while being escorted out of various events occasionally pays off with interest. The possibility that she was lying to save herself from embarrassment was there, but with the certainty behind her voice. I felt that it came from some sort of pre-written script.

After we said our goodbyes I had to enter the building itself, just to ensure that my information was correct, if Twilight was being put in here as a ruse, a trap triggered by my acceptance of a muffin from a mare, then it had to be verified.

As I entered the building I found myself quickly lost, the use of animal motifs to denote age was confusing, but eventually I found myself at the head office where I could hopefully acquire something resembling proof. A calm discussion with one of the staff members left me with a map of the building and a brochure detailing the system through which the school was organized, both invaluable to future endeavors here if necessary. Although I’ll likely only need to head there once more in order to get proof that the cover story is exactly that, if this is just as absurd as its starting to appear it might be useful to commit this information to memory.

Journal Entry #0440

First time back at the office this week, the mare upstairs repeatedly questioned how my investigation was going, and I promised to have an article to her by tomorrow. Before anything, of even minor detail, could be written with accuracy, verification of data was naturally needed. The only reason I came back to this den of unhinged rumor milling and paranoid fear-mongering was to get my orange laborer’s vest, hard hat, and clip board. This combination of attire can get you anywhere, even with the flimsiest of the excuses, as long as you look and act professional.

She was assigned as a student, classification ‘chicks’, congruent with the Magic Kindergarten story, I still have difficultly believing that this was the particular method of punishment used by the state for such a high-tier example of their incompetence. My initial thought was that the difficulty was going to be finding the room where the mare was located, but all I had to do was see which hallway was cordoned off by a single member of the guard. The State may keep things hidden, but it does it by covering it up with pink paint. After non-committal greeting I was almost stopped by the guard, but by raising my eyebrow and writing some nonsense on the clipboard caused him to step aside.

A quick peak into the class confirmed everything. Twilight Sparkle was looking at a cardboard clock, as if by force of will its cardboard hooves would spring to life and move forward to the end of the day, and she wasn’t the only student with the same apparent attitude. But the majority seemed to be engaged in idle elementary conversation and something made with glittery paint to show it.

The question by a teacher broke me out of my observational state. My only reply was questioning if this was the room where the leaky pipe was located and a quick apology for barging in where it was clear that vital educational work was being done. I walked out and apologized to the guard, his question “Did you find what you were looking for Screwy?” was met with an affirmative and after confirming he was Doppia Picca, the one who repeatedly escorted me out of Blueblood’s art gallery due to my educating of the nobility on the subtle mental influences that is put into ‘mainstream art'

Turns out that my encounters with the Right and Honorable Monopolists of Violence was worth the occasional scar, since I was escorted out. The only conclusion I could come up with was that the higher machinations don’t tolerate failure, and punish in a way they find fitting to the crime… it’s a shame that this isn't anything new.

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Name of Reporter: Desiderata.

Staff position: Assistant Secretary, Main Office

Incident: An orange-cream unicorn stallion came in looking for information regarding the layout of the facilities, tours, and basic knowledge. Although initially it was supposed that he was interested in enrolling a student it became evident that wasn’t the case when he couldn't keep the supposed name of his likely non-existent spawn straight. He eventually asked about a specific student, a filly in the chicks, his description of her sounded like he was describing a young attractive mare rather than one of our students. When I told him that she was indeed enrolled, and asked what connection he had with her he mentioned that he was an ‘revealer of truth’ and followed up with a request about the room's number and the seating arrangement. It was here when I pressed him for his name and relation with the filly, his response was to run out of the room saying ‘that he won’t go down that easily’, suggested response is to keep watch for this suspicious and likely dangerous individual. His cutie mark appeared to be a triangle with something in the middle of it. Please report this stallion to authorities if possible.

Time of report: First hour of the tenth day of a new semester, what a great bucking way to begin off.

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Rank: Sergeant

Station: F12Canter-Subsec 9

Name: Doppia Picca

Suspect previously mentioned in School Warning and Reports file was identified as “Screwy Words”, file on suspect is known to be a source of amusement for those who work in the Bureaucratic Section.

He was identified by his infamously one-off disguise and the mark on his flank. He seems to be doing a report for the Inquirer on Twilight Sparkle’s enforced vacation and home arrest. No course of action was taken and he was let through, after a brief interaction with the Head Educator of the Class, he left.

Friendly banter was made as he was escorted out. Suggested future course of action is to instill a press-blackout on any paper (no, the Inquirer doesn’t count) that gets wind of this unique situation as previously ordered by higher authorities.

If he makes his continued, already alarming to staff, presence on school grounds, then I will do what it takes to get him to cause the least amount of panic possible. If an arrest warrant is requested for Mr. Words, I will happily offer my services as I have previously to detain and potentially question him.

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Page 25 CANTERLOT: The Element of Magic, Twilight Sparkle, has caused an anomalous and uncontrolled magic event in the township of Ponyville, the results of which involved local societal and herd breakdown. Intervention of Princess Celestia herself was required to end the situation peacefully. The event itself was a form of mass emotional manipulation stated by our source in the township itself to be caused by fear of failing her teacher, although it is unknown how fear of failure leads to mass use of a powerful manipulation spell it is assumed that either there is more of the story to discover or the Element of Magic uses magic for everything from opening doors to going up flights of stairs.

In repercussion for the event, and due to our Princess’ good sense of humor, it was deemed necessary for the purposes of punishment that Miss Sparkle regain a formal understanding of the basics and principles underlying her element and education. The most appropriate means to do so was by assigning Miss Sparkle to an undisclosed Basic Education facility in Canterlot to attend Magic Kindergarten.

If our investigations on the case are any indicator, this punishment is being closely monitored and being kept under quite a bit of control. This could be out of fear of public attention on sensitive governmental affairs, or what an embarrassed and backed-into-a-corner high tier mage would do if provoked further than she already has been in Ponyville.

Consequences of this event are still being played out, and it is in question if this punishment is a punishment at all. Sitting around and hoof-painting may just be Princess Celestia’s methodology of keeping her protégé’s embarrassment out of the public eye for the duration of Ponyville reconstruction and as a means of letting this event fade from memory of the public while keeping her prized pupil out of prison where she could work on a completely different set of arts and crafts which would be inadvisable for a member so close to Royalty to know.

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Journal Entry #0441

It seems that the higher machinations are not so dumb after all. I've caught wind of two reports about my involment in that building of re-education, and only thanks to a seemingly-distracted bureaucrat. Oh well. My investigation is in a standstill for now.