Adagio Dazzle stared at the TV in front of her with a perplexed expression deeply etched on her face. To her right sat Sonata Dusk, who seemed mesmerized by what she was seeing, and to Adagio’s left sat Aria Blaze, who looked on with a rather uncharacteristic smile of amusement on her face.

Though the fact that all the Dazzlings were successfully sharing the couch without any fighting, violence, or drama of any kind was pretty rare, this was not the source of Adagio’s confusion.

Adagio threw her hands up into the air. “Okay… I give… You two are just pretending to enjoy this movie to lead me on, right?”

Aria and Sonata turned to exchange glances briefly, then turned towards Adagio.

“Dagi, what are you talking about?” Aria asked in an annoyed tone.

“Yeah!” Sonata said. “This movie is killer! As in people are being killed in it!” She smiled widely. “It’s great!”

Aria nodded and began to lift fingers as she counted off. “It’s got explosions, robots, fighting, and explosions caused by robot fights!” She shook her head and motioned out to the TV. “I really don’t know what you’re looking for here.”

Adagio ushered out to the TV as tense dialogue came out of the speakers. “Maybe a plot that wasn’t impossible to follow?!”

Aria shrugged. “As long as the robot fight ends in explosions and the chase scenes are awesome, who cares?”

Adagio narrowed her eyes. “Anyone with a brain?”

Aria rolled her eyes. “Adagio, it’s a movie about time-travelling robot assassins, it’s not like one of your boring romantic dramadies or whatever…”

Sonata shook her head. “I can’t follow those at all! Who wants to watch a movie where everyone just talks?! I just fall asleep a few minutes in…”

Adagio sneered at Sonata and threw her right hand out at the screen. “Well, the time travel makes no sense!” She looked down at her hands about began to list off things on her own fingers. “The first movie created a stable time loop, but then the second movie invalidated everything in the first AND itself but preemptively destroying the main threat through time. Then the third movie came along and said that wasn’t actually completely possible. Then the fourth movie—”

Aria cringed. “We don’t talk about the fourth movie.”

Sonata nodded. “Yeah! Even though it had Batman in it.” She frowned heavily. “He didn’t even throw one batarang! …Or do anything really.” She suddenly grinned wide. “Oh! Except for yell at that guy working on the lights… That was the best part!”

“Okay, whatever…” Adagio said, shaking her head. She extended her thumb on her right hand and hit it with her left index finger. “Well then there was the series, and that did a bunch of contradictory stuff too and it’s like the writers don’t even care about causality at all!”

Aria shrugged. “Again, it’s a franchise about time traveling robot assassins. Do they have to?”

Adagio let out a defeated sigh. “Well, I guess as long as morons of the lowest common denominator are entertained, they’re going to keep making movies.”

Aria glared at Adagio. “Hey! Just because you’re a picky little bi@!h doesn’t mean you’re like… mentally superior to everyone or whatever…”

“No, no,” Adagio said as she put up her hands palms forward. “You all being idiots is why I’m mentally superior.”

Aria let out a growl in the tone of a warning, as if Adagio’s next words could easily mean violence on the part of the grumpiest Dazzling.

Sonata giggled. “I don’t see what’s so hard to understand. I mean… I know how all the time travel stuff works!”

Aria and Adagio paused their argument and turned towards Sonata. “You do?!” they said in disbelief.

Sonata nodded her head up and down. “Yep! It can all be explained by multidimensional theory!”

Aria and Adagio turned and looked at each other, their mouths hanging agape.

Adagio turned back to Sonata. “Sonata, do you even understand what those words you said mean?”

“Hehe… Look, a lot of the times when a person or robot is sent back in time, they’re creating another parallel dimension like… Okay, so you know how the store has more than one Game of Thrones coloring book?”

“… Uh… sure…?” Aria repli
ed. “I mean… I’m kinda surprised they even have one, but uh… yeah, those things are real.”

“Well, you can buy more than one book but use different colored crayons, or markers—” Sonata gasped “—even watercolors!”

“Uh… okay…” Adagio said. “But… a major plot of like… half the movies seems to be to burn down the entire store and all the coloring books in it.” Adagio paused. “I mean… sticking to the metaphor of course.”

Sonata giggled gleefully to herself. “Yes! But it all goes back to Skynet and Batman!”

Adagio sighed and place a palm against her forehead. “Do we need to get out the charts to explain how actors work again?”

“Hold on!” Aria said as she waved a hand in front of Adagio. “I want to see where she’s going with this!”

Sonata continued, “You see, the different coloring books are of when Skynet keeps sending robots back in time to kill Batman or his mom so it can not get blown up, but Batman always uses his detective skills to figure out when this happens to send back other people or robots to make it so that he still exists and that Skynet does get blown up and because there’s like a lot of coloring books, like… infinity plus one coloring books, this just goes on forever and ever!”

Adagio rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “I’m not sure we should have brought coloring books into this…”

Sonata smiled. “Okay… so Skynet and Batman are hamsters…”

Adagio and Aria raised their eyebrows.

Aria leaned forward past Adagio. “Is there like… some sort of crazy cartoon of this series I haven’t watched? Because… I gotta tell you, I’m interested.”

Sonata shook her head. “No, I mean… Skynet gets on the hamster wheel and starts to spin it, but then the Batman hamster gets on and starts running and they’re both spinning and spinning faster and faster into eventually one hamster gets thrown off! But no matter how many times a hamster falls off, it can always just get back on the wheel and try to spin the other hamster off.”

Adagio and Aria wrinkled their brows.

Adagio turned to Aria. “Are you getting all this?”

Aria shrugged her shoulders. “I still think it’s easier not to think about time travel too much…”

“I’ll be back.”

The three Dazzlings suddenly turned towards the screen, their eyes going wide as an explosion rang out.

Aria looked at what she saw in disbelief. “He… He just jumped out of a helicopter, onto another helicopter and destroyed it…” She swallowed. “You two might want to leave because I have a sudden urge to touch myself…”

“Aria!” Adagio exclaimed. “Don’t be ridiculous!” She gave Aria a sultry smile. “Why touch yourself when I’m right here? I mean… as long as you return the favor…” she purred.

Aria turned to Adagio, then back to the TV, back to Adagio, and then back and forth a few more times. Staring at the TV she answered, “Your proposal is acceptable.”

Adagio grinned and cozied up to Aria.

“Ooo!” Sonata exclaimed. “Are we having an MM party on the couch?!” She sprang up to her feet and ran off. “I’ll go get the candy!”

Aria let out an annoyed groan. “Sonata! That’s not what MM—”

Aria found an index finger pressed against her lips.

“Shhhhh…” Adagio said as she leaned closer to Aria. “Name one thing candy does not make better,” she said quietly.

Aria narrowed her eyes. “A diabetic convention.”

Adagio’s sultry smile dropped slightly. “Touché…” She batted her eyelids as her smile returned. “Still, since there’s no diabetics around here…”

“Adagio, you’re rubbing my thigh.”

“And…?”

Aria glanced at the TV then back to Adagio. “… Faster and to the left.”

Author's Notes:

Inspired by a conversation with Tired Old Man, natch.