"So," asked Soarin, "how about you, Private Shi-I mean, Shining? Anything to share?"

As was a common sight for Ponyville mornings, the Stallion Six had gathered in Sugarcube Corner, bar two of their usual number. Prince Blueblood had gone yesterday to take an exam in Canterlot and wasn't due back for a few more hours. Doctor was off being Doctor somewhere, which left four at their usual table that day. The subject of messy ways to end a relationship had been raised shortly after the topic of Thunderlane's final break-up with Blossomforth, particularly how shockingly smooth it had been. Soarin, being the one to bring it up, had a few, Big Macintosh had offered only a flat Nnnope when asked, which left only Shining Armor.

He shook his head. "Nah, I'm not very popular with mares." The other three briefly shared a look before turning back to him, eyebrows raised.

Thunderlane was the first to ask. "Really? Not even, say, a soft-spoken, easily terrified flower mare?"

"Huh?"

Smiling, Soarin took another stab at it. "Or a tomboy with a colorful personality?"

Once more, Private Shining 'Virgin' Armor earned his post with a confused head-tilt. "Tomboy with a...? What are you talking about?"

"Nothing," they sighed in unison, giving up again.

Thunderlane shrugged. "Well, it was worth a shot."

"Damn," muttered Soarin, "I bet Prince would have had at least a few stories to share if he were here. Guy's definitely been around enough times."

That tickled something in Shining's memory. Prince! There was a short-lived attraction and shouty falling-out between him and the seamstress the day he came to Ponyville, maybe that counted? "Uhh, well," he offered, "I might kinda know one story. Or, half of one."

The rest of the table gave him their full attention, Soarin in particular looking at him with a gleam of what may have been pride in his eyes.

"It isn't about me," deadpanned Shining, "it's about Blue the day we came to town, but all I really know is how it started and how it ended. This was right after the Zap-Apple incident at Sweet Apple Acres, where I insisted that they give him that screwy potion so he could continue with the inspection for the Summer Sun Celebration." Not a great move for a bodyguard, but he was sure the guilt would fade someday. "So, he goes into Rarity's place doped up on that potion, starts talking to her, and it actually kinda looks like they're, uh..." Once more, Private Shining 'Virgin' Armor earned his post by turning red and stammering. "Well, i-it looked like they were getting along, so I decided to wait outside and-"

There was a short interruption in the form of a "YOU FOOL!" from Soarin before the story went on.

"I heard them shouting at each other, Blueblood walked out, Rarity was right behind him, and both were shouting at each other. Now they're sworn enemies, and Blue said if I ever ask what happened, I'm f-..." Shining trailed off as sweat formed on his brow, his eyes widening as he recalled that all-important last part. "Um. Guys? C-can you not tell anypony that I've told you all this? Ever?"

"Sure thing!" chirped a familiar voice that made all four of them jump. Shining scored the most Startle points today by flailing his forehooves and falling out of his chair.

Standing there in all her puffy, baker-ninja glory, Pinkie Pie didn't notice the startling effect her sudden appearance had. "A long-kept secret about a friend and a maybe-maybe-not lady-friend? That'll totally never come up again!" She beamed happily, certain the secret would forever be safe. Probably.

Shining looked at Pinkie with a hopeful smile. "You really think so?"

"Abso-tutely-lutely, Shiny!" She turned to the others at the table. "Right, guys?"

The three of them exchanged nervous glances.

"It, eh, could happen," Soarin said weakly.

"It's not likely, man," said Thunderlane with a wince.

"Nnnope."

Shining laughed, smiling pleasantly. "Yea, that's kinda what I thought."

All was silent, the other patrons of the bakery stopping what they were doing to stare at the peaceful, grinning stallion. He bolted from the room, screaming at the top of his lungs.

Noise and normality returned a moment later.

"So," mumbled Thunderlane, "shouldn't we go after him or something?"

"Maybe, maybe not," answered Soarin, "I doubt Prince would even be all that mad, if that's what he's worried about."

"Really? Remember how he was after the 'mud monster' incident?"

There was a short-lived moment of shame for the three stallions. Pinkie had conspicuously vanished.

"Well," Soarin replied with a smile, "he forgave us after that, so I'm sure he'd forgive Shining for this. So in the mean time," he said with a sly smirk, "anypony got any guesses what went down when Shining wasn't watching?"

Big Mac and Thunderlane shrugged, the latter offering his thoughts. "I'm guessing they were all doe-eyes at first, she said something about his cummerbund, he said something about her hair, and it all went downhill from there."

Soarin's smile got wider. "Ohh, I bet there was more to it than that!"

Things were peaceful in Town Hall, ribbons hanging in tasteful and elegant patterns as Rarity Belle, sole seamstress of Ponyville and proprietor of Carousel Boutique, worked alone. Suddenly, the doors flew open as Prince Blueblood, Ponyville's newest threat to chastity, danced through the entrance, literally pirouetting over to the lone lady, picking her up, and dipping her like a dance partner.

"Fine day, finer company," he whispered to her, "what say we offer our finest for each?"

The lady's porcelain cheeks tinted scarlet as she grinned coyly in reply, grabbing hold of the stranger's collar and a forehoof as she reversed their positions, dipping him as he had her. "A fine proposal from a finely-dressed gentlecolt," she paused to run a hoof along his silky, royal-blue bowtie, "and I of all ponies would know a thing or two about... finery."

The two spun as the tuxedo'd stallion whirled the then-unclothed mare through several of the bands that had hung for the arrival of a princess, now wrapped sparingly, but tastefully over and around her body. "The line between sophistication and limitation," he breathed into her neck, "is a fine one, wouldn't you say?"

She smiled wider. "A fine line indeed," she whispered, "but frankly," she untied the bow around his neck with a snap of her teeth and a quick movement of her head, so that it hung around his shoulders like the ribbons along her legs, neck, and barrel, "I'd say we're past the need for both."

He smirked. "Finally."

Their lips locked together, the two breathing into each other as fully and naturally as the truest lovers the world had ever known. But in that exchange, the lady drew in a scent from the other pony's breath, tasted it on his tongue. She drew back. "D...Darling, what is that I smell? It is faint, fine even, but unmistakable."

"I know not what you speak of, but I'd gladly refine the sensation to reach a finer understanding."

They kissed once more, just as deeply as before. Rarity again drew back, rapidly drawing in air through her nostrils. "I'm sure of it, that smell, you're... You're using performance-enchanting drugs! Well," she huffed, "worry not, a lady knows how to remedy such things!"

She slapped the other pony upside the head, the effects of the potion he had unknowingly ingested dispelled in a blink. "Ouch." He stepped back, addressing the red mark on the side of his face. "I'll ask you to find a finer remedy, your method is far from ladylike!"

The reply was a scowl. "Hmph! You should count yourself lucky I don't contact the authorities! Do you know the fine they charge for drug use?"

"The way you speak," he retorted, "I suspect you're no stranger to refined chemicals!"

She gasped, scandalized. "How dare you?! A lady such as myself finds no use whatsoever in such things!"

"So you say, yet you can find the scent of substance with only a finite exposure? Should I show the same courtesy in not asking that the law should inquire these things of you?"

"Fine! Just begone!"

"Fine!"

And so he left, a passionate romance the likes of which Equestria might not have survived lost but for a misunderstanding.

Soarin sat smiling as his two friends, and several ponies he hadn't noticed in Sugarcube Corner, stared at him, bewildered. "...What? Slapping him worked when we needed to wake him up in Everfree."

"There are a number of reasons we're wondering if you need to join that barking mare in the hospital," replied Thunderlane, "that wasn't one of them."

"Nnnope."

Shining Armor waited in his seat on the train, if he was lucky, he'd be able to reach Canterlot and talk to Blueblood before he reached the train station.

Naturally, he was not lucky, as the 8:45 was already coming down the other side of the tracks, Blueblood undoubtedly on board. Quickly, he opened a window, leaned out, and shouted at the top of his voice.

"HEYBLUEIACCIDENTALLYTOLDTHEGUYSABOUTRARITYSORRYSORRYSORRY!!"

Sitting in the opposite train, Blueblood saw him, heard a jumble of syllables, and didn't understand a single part of it. He shrugged. "Guess something interesting is waiting back home."

His head still leaning out the train window, Shining desperately hoped he'd said it clear enough. I said it while shouting at one train from another, wind rushing past at a hundred and twenty miles an hour, but he probably heard the whole thing, right? It was at this time that Shining noticed the ticket pony waving a hoof at him.

"Sir, you really, really shouldn't stick your head out the window, you might get hit by a-"

CLANG!!

As Shining Armor dropped to the train floor, unconscious, the ticket pony sighed. "Sign. Seriously, it's the whole reason we have that rule!"

Author's Notes:

Facial-based slapstick in chapter one!
I am learning.