Author's Notes:

Contains: ...the erotic..humanized ponification...re-enactment of one of the most famous scenes from the original Star Trek series...google Pon Far if you don't know what it is.

Written by massive nerd Davesknd

Everything was perfect.

The area was red and sandy, there was a mercylessly hot and dry breeze and even the clothes of the small group were perfect.

Sitting on a small, black chair on the side of a round area which held a six-sided gong and several floating frames with bells, was princess Cele- erm... Princess Amonak of Vulkcan, heiress to the entire planet, most beau... erm logical being in the universe and holder of several seats in the intergalactic senate.

The tall, fair skinned woman had glorious pointy ears and perfectly natural pointed eyebrows that were under no circumstance painted on. She was also clad in a thin, black dress, that hugged her curves and showed a decent amount of cleavage, totally the new, official robes of the ruler!

It was at this point that a challenger approached the gong and rang it several times.

A young, green haired boy with equally green eyes, equally pointy ears and form-fitting purple jumpsuit.

"The ho- erm... gong has been rung!" the princess announced loudly, her flowing hair firmly tugged under her small, round hat. She raised her hand to form the legendary greeting between Vulcans, though her highness must have been slightly rusty with socializing, since her ring-finger was wobbling while doing so.

"What does your logic dictate?" The princess demanded from the challenger.

"Erm..." Spick the Vulcan answered "My logic tells me that it is my time of the seven years again and that I should come here to claim my bride. For the ritual of taking a mate and so on..."

"Your logic is sound, my son." The princess announced. "I have chosen a fitting mate for you!"

She raised her hand and a ghostly entourage appeared.

They edged a young woman. She had purple hair with a pink highlight in it, who was wearing a silver dress, silver pearls in her hair and black underrobes. Her ears were also deliciously pointy and her logic delightfully perky. She looked straight ahead, as if walking towards her own funeral.

"But mother! This is my sister! The honourable and logical Twi'Pol! What logic is there in wedding me to my sister?" Spick the vulcan asked in not-shock, since Vulcans do not show emotions and are completely logical, so what are you doing being outraged, Spike?

"But son, don't you see? Twi'Pol is the perfect mate! Her logic is flawless, her ears are pointy and she is not truly your sister! In fact...

*dramatic pause*

"neither of you are my children! I have raised you after your parent's disappeared. And...

*Another dramatic pause*

"You are in fact, not even related to each other! Your parents simply disappeared around the same time! It was quite convenient... logically!"

Spick looked to his not really sister in shock, seeing her raise and eyebrow in surprise. God, she was logical!

"But mother." Twi'Pol finally stressed "Spick and I are siblings in all but blood. Logic dictates that we would not provide good parenting and would probably be very un-attracted to each other outside the Pon Farr, which I currently feel as well."

"Silence, Twi'Pol! My logic dictates that I have to make you as unavailable as possible to me. For my Pon Farr has begun as well, even though it is only supposed to happen to men. As it seems, my feelings for you are too much. Only by binding you to Spick, I can save myself from the blood fever that consumes me."

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!" a regal, heroic and feminine voice called out.

The three vulcans looked up to see Jane Tiberia Kirkity, the purple haired and endlessly beautiful human space captain of the federation flagship walk into the area.

"Spick is my crewman, my first officer and my dearest friend! I shall not have him be married off to a woman who does not love him in the way a true lover loves a loved love! NEVER! I SHALL LOVE HIM! I WILL MARRY HIM!"

"Kirkity! This is highly illogical!" Spick responded, but the feisty human maiden had already closed in on him and embraced him. "To the Antaris Maelstrom with your logic! I love you!"

"The human makes a point. But Twi'Pol would still be around! No, I can not accept this!" The princess declared loudly. "Twi'Pol, you and Spick will have to fight to the death. The winner will marry Kirkity and that is completely logical!"

"Logic!"

And so, the bells began to ring and the sacred Whiffle-bats levitated into the area, Twi'Pol and Spick looked at each other in horror (non-emotional horror, of course) as they began to circle each other in cat-like grace.

Spick was the first to attack, his blood boiling for Kirkity even more than his soul felt for his sister.

His blow missed closely and Twi'Pol countered.

The counter was heavy and both Kirkity and the princess sucked in air as the two duellants continued their battle.

Da da da da daaa da da da da daaa da da da da daaaa dadaa daaaa!

"SPIKE!" Twi'po... erm... Twilight yelled after half a minute. "Stop singing the fighting music! You completely ruin the scene!"

"Sorry, Twi, but I got lost in it. Gosh, this is fun!" Spike commented and whacked Twilight with the foam-bat.

"I do worry a bit about the outcome, Darling..." Rarity mused from the side-line. "I mean... this is a battle to the death, right?"

"Yes, but... oh shoot!" Twilight suddenly yelled. "I completely forgot about the outcome! Nobody is here to knock me out! Damn! Do you think we could get AJ or-"

"Twi, I only indulge the princess and you in your romantic role-playing because it usually ends with Rarity and me having a good laugh and maybe more afterwards as well. And I had to get over a lot before I could do that with you. Don't force any more of our friends into this!"

"But... the plot falls apart! Gosh, why didn't you guys read ahead?"

Princess Celestia on her throne meanwhile sighed. The illusionary sand and heat were not difficult to keep up and the fight had been fun to watch... but she had to admit, this was the first erotic fantasy that was better scripted than the average stageplay.