Author's Notes:

Number of Edits: 3
Number of OCs: 2

Some scenes of action also leading up to the second crossover of Swords, Sorcery and Shenanigans which shall continue after with mention of another.

Royal Discoveries, Tradition with Bullets and Fucking Brats!
Equestria – Vanhoover Train yard, Crystal Train – Dawn
*Princess Celestia Perspective*

The cool if cold brisk air of this budding if happy friendly city, was in a lot of activity this morning Going on a short while which at the MOMENT the train was stopped from leaving due to something happening that has these friendly ponies running around in fear of some ‘Circus’ of monsters. What was described could only be some of the Loaders from Jack’s Hyperion and apparently causing explosions which got everypony up and ready for combat, only to be mostly accidental while many of them are performing stunts while it has been made apparent that the rails beyond Vanhoover were sabotaged during this.

I and Luna stood there watching the performance in shock, while Discord was laughing himself to pieces even at some of the destruction done by some missteps. Though Twilight and her friends tried to get the situation under hoof, with my niece Cadence likely torn as to giggle or worry about what is happening as her husband Prince Shining Armor rushes off with the other guards to quell this mess at the expense of some strange plan Jack had worked up, this was ridiculous and impulsive for what he normally accomplishes.

Though Luna was the first one to speak up to these thoughts I relayed to her. “This ‘flare’ would seem to be the doings of somepony whom has the dramatics for Explosive or fiery behavior, also the name of somepony named ‘Torgue’ was stenciled on these bots. We wonder where Jack even found somepony who has such a taste.” That brings up even more questions, more worries about what ponies or beings jack may unknowingly move into circles with! I need to save him and try to make it up to him, maybe even request if this pony ‘Torgue’ was in some sun cult about her that is still in hiding.

Though my and Luna’s musings and worries were cut aside by Cadence starting to Giggle now, looking to us both before saying this with a hand gesture. “Auntie you have been making Jack and this Hyperion out to be some heroic stoic figure of a true hero or boogie monsters of deepest nightmares, all I see are strange if awkward slightly destructive clumsy loaders unlike the precision you both say they have as an army.” Its Discord oddly enough took on a serious expression as he sat like a normal pony on one of the train benches, looking over the show as a loader bot smacked its possible butt at rainbow dash before running off as the others give chase. “That’s because these are only acting as an obvious distraction, likely buying him time when I felt the chaos rising here. Very likely just entertaining or making jokes with this, perhaps also as to make me crack a smile with his choice.”

The next thing that happened was a confetti explosion as a thrown pinkie pie who was far more surprised out of everypony present landed back at the front entrance, wide eyed and smiling as she suddenly shouted out. “THAT’S MY SHTICK! NOPONY CAN DO THAT BECAUSE I TRADEMARKED IT~!” Only to poof off in a pink blur back in that same direction, as discord looked stupefied before laughing harder to say this with glee. “Okay, whoever was able to outdo that pony DESERVES a high paw for that!” I sighed in response looking to the station manager before nodding at him to show me the trouble, hopefully I can get the rails fixed and ready to go before they are done having fun.

But at least Luna is feeling more normal now, which is rather troubling still that she can sense strong emotions when emitted by the nightmare. She WON’T sink her teeth into JACK, if all goes well with my forming proposal it may likely make him pause to think. As I know him as only less than two hands could.

The Crystal Empire – Sothern Quarter, Casually Walking - Dawn
*Handsome Jack Perspective*

Well so far I finally have that walk I’ve wanted, only downside is near interruptions by happy crystal ponies whom recognize me and wish to give hugs like I use to give out. Though I had to turn them down due to ‘saving the empire’ business and finding the surviving royal family, that crowd from that passing comment started to mumble and form larger behind me. ‘Fuck I keep forgetting they are herd type sentient beings, also don’t they have anything else to do than follow me following a royal bloodline tracking spell matrix?’ Looking back at them got me happy responses before well awkwardly smiling back, as I receive a tap on my right shoulder to see the Badass Angel Bot having quietly lumbered up onto me.

I swear sometimes these bots are built too well, just for how life like the more personal claptraps because they are on my side and also it doesn’t hurt to have a universal remote handy if one goes crazy from some error. Though soon enough I think the universe is fucking with me, with the sound of music starting to kick up out of nowhere, being a pony civilization that is to be par for the course. Better ignore it for now while I get my business done and they can get back their lives separate from incompetent whorses; fact check ponies, do you’re fucking diligence otherwise you won’t get your tits in a twist by shit others do like I am right now!

‘I swear, even when I screwed up I had that old crotchy fucker of a pony ‘Gandalf’ on my back just to rub it in my face, respectable when he did but total asshole when he wishes. Ah Starswirl, you were one of those rare breeds of competent cynical ponies I got the joy of knowing, outside my OWN corporation, but I had F.A.U.S.T. to help me out when I couldn’t make the slack.’ Smiling back on that thought of a younger me so bright and optimistic. ‘One of my own personal reasons of wanting to reintroduce her off was to get the biggest figurative ‘jab’ at my rival, also a rare friendly kind and not the ‘I will lop off your head, than fuck your neck stump!’ kind. But when he wasn’t being an asshole I would have likely called him a second buddy.’ That got a chuckle out of me though it died just as fast.

The odd thing about this matrix besides being pink, is that it’s leading to an orphanage, huh. Classic move to go as they get overlooked often, the reason being was I set them up for those whom lost families. I even remember reading some of those cute sparkling little crystal pony foals stories, or made up my own in exaggeration of grand adventures to inspire them to improve their life. Doing things like that was how I met Metal Will’s family when they were down on their luck, gave them jobs and a home even helped their son metal when he started getting sick with that bone eating disease. Though his name should have clued me in as for who he would have become, though my good nature towards foals likely drew Luna’s attention to me romantically.

Honesty, Generosity, Kindness, Laughter, Loyalty and Magic. It’s funny how you start losing pieces of yourself figuratively on a world journey, it started out rather nice, spreading the good name of Hyperion and earning some respect for myself for coming to THEIR doorsteps to introduce myself. Explaining even that I had a dream of enlightenment of reaching into space, even told them it is possible through my offered hand. Maybe have the side benefit of making their version of ‘united nations’ of whatever they will collectively call this planet, because I know everything else will argue about it to the ponies and horses, those horses; just WOW!

Not much hidden to the imagination but damn they are built like nobody’s business, also rather open about certain activities. I ended up being the first time refusing an offered gift from the sultan, for the record it was THREE horse mares. Which got the sultan asking if I preferred stallions, only to say no on that. The whole cultural ‘bit’ on interspecies breeding outright floored him into silence until he offered again stating; ‘opinions may change my strange hooman guest if you simply savor what is very much offered.’ Not as weird as being almost mistakenly offered up to the ‘gods’ belonging to a collective of Cat species, until a timely loader bot intervention put a stop to that crap.

(WARNING, there may likely be chapters pertaining to in depth showing of each ‘element’ of jack's old world journey. Also funny parts likely of somebeing calling ‘bullshit’ on some details. XD)

HONESTY bit the dust first because every donkey and rodent wanted a piece of me for one reason or another (before doppelgangers were made being the case), or likely my support in most commonly done petty conflicts, but the rodents were worse than the rabbits (both tend to have higher populations but one of the two is vicious), having my ‘hand’ when making business deals from then on even if they’ll regret it later by costs. They both became so poor, the rodents started to breed less while the donkeys had to build up infrastructure with the rodents to recover somewhat. Didn’t help that I had stolen from both sides, but it forced them to get along better, not sure how long it took honestly.

GENEROSITY came next which when requested by some of the griffin rival kings to give basic aid that were said to be distributed, later made me refuse giving out continued aid when the citizens didn’t start getting better off or relocated. The supplies didn’t even get to where they were intended too, only showing fed troops but hungry and sick citizens makes a poor long term profit for the griffins. I was pretty glad to have started a civil uprising among the abused and downtrodden, though it made the French revolution look like a party, you don’t get the mental image of a griffin tearing the throat out of another by their beak.

KINDNESS died when I was drugged at a rather nice dinner setting, among the Diamond Dog Clan heads and their form of royalty. Enslaved to be used for things I am still burry on, than when I was spent. Dragged exhausted from lack of sleep with a sore body from over work and lack of proper food to some other territory that held the arena, killed quite a few who were both good and bad beings, you’d be surprised if I ever tell you how I killed a dragon using a knife, a broken helmet and one sharp crystal with a lot of luck.

LAUGHTER became a casualty in that bloodied hellhole, that was until the end when the head minotaur himself who had actually invited me; come down into the pit at my supposed ‘winning’ gauntleted bout, I fucking SHANKED the fucker in the neck until half of his head was still connected as I wore his blood like a fucking psychopath. About that time the slaves broke free seeing all that savage fury, which they knew all too well. Its twisted version came out when I sacked the capital by artillery, I smiled at those flames and everyone else who was a slave that followed me out cheered at its destruction.

LOYALTY was my last holdout upon my return after actually completing my journey, which died upon being betrayed by not just one old friend but two, which in the end should have been expecting, they can be rather species focused and brash for being young unlike Faust. The attack upon all that I rebuilt in that nearly enclosed valley, went poof and ended up worse from that single twelve hour siege, having equipment loaded up and digistructed out. That Weird frail stalker turtle Professor Nakayama from the far east semi close the Neighponese small continent latched onto me as my ‘number one fan’, he left in the H.S.S. Terminus promising me that he’ll return, only for him to have gone missing.

‘MAGIC’ took the final fall into the ruin that was left, what was left of my ‘New Eden’ was of bad memories and RAGE. Fire, wreckage of still falling debris from the epicenter to a couple miles out of the Head Quarters of Hyperion in the region of Peace Valley in the once budding Hyperion city of (the voted on name) Fili-Glade, it was meant as a joke on what I create here is like a space in this once former thick ass forest. Now only burning and ashes fall here with glops of Eridium waste splattering about in pools, there in the epicenter was red dry puddles mixed with white vague outlines of chalked bone, even little tiny ones showing foals. Not even half of them made it out alive, those who did were lucky and broken mentally from the trauma.

The amount of RAGE I held towards everything else, unextinguished all these YEARS, but the worst part is I cannot even vent without near crippling pain. A reminder of LILITH, fucking siren cunt! If nothing else I’ll set up a bounty on vault hunters, see where that gets me if anything I know, nothing happens if there isn’t money of some form backing it up or a brokered promise or a contract that shit can take what you have to repay what’s due.

The Crystal Empire – South Quarter, Hopeful Home for Foals – After breakfast (Bummer)
*Handsome Jack Perspective*

But it’s around this time I realized I must have stopped at the front outside of the orphanage looking quite possibly like a dumbass deep in my own thoughts, until Metal Will grunted his displeasure while slugging my shoulder to say this. “Boss; you should give someponies some heads up if you are going to wander off, as the city’s not secured yet with there being holdouts and resistance to peaceful suppression methods. Even though I should say bullet to their brains saves us from later headaches, because it’s not like heads won’t be rolling right?” Weirdly enough in his own proud confident self seems to be working me out of my funk enough to press forward.

Taking a breath before looking back at Metal Will. “Alright I am going inside to check to see WHOM is related and alive, I want the building secured until I do.” Looking back to the crowd for a moment as the Badass Angel Bot seems to be keeping the crowd back for now with a few words. “Because weather good or bad, I came here to fix some things I wasn’t able to long ago. But at the least if all else fails I get to save you loyal lot to Hyperion from what fallout will happen from failure.” I said giving a weak smile before pushing into the building.

Upon entering I see a vaguely familiar family friendly crystal empire heritage of prominent happy tales, as my eyes fell onto a nervous mare dressed in what seems to be the ‘princess of loves’ worship with the Crystal Heart motif, stranger yet she stopped being nervous as if she recognized me. ‘Do I know her from somewhere? Wait is she one of those motherly type of mares here who sought me out? Or is she just a fan?’ Only to be knocked out of my musings when said mare leaped into a full on glomp landing on me with her rather heavy D breast size and my hands landing on her rather plush ass leaving my face to be cushioned but the back of my head hitting wood flooring. The response was my pained muffling and her nuzzling me without a care.

Having been in situations like this before, as I knew she likely couldn’t see my tired ‘who da fuck’ are you expression before I snapped one of my hands onto her tail base than pulled hard. That got her to gasp and let go enough to be furiously blushing, sitting in a ‘cowgirl’ position on my lap as I showed her my expression HOPING she saw what I was giving her, but what she said floored me. “…Um, uncle jack I might be very honored by that, but there was foals nearby and um… Well my foal too-“ I carefully with the hand that had pulled her tail, clamping it slowly onto her muzzle lightly so her lips would be kissing my palm. Which she licked sheepishly.

After a moment of this silence and TRYING to put that information into any logical order, I gave up letting go of her muzzle asking the question that now burned in my mind. “How am I your uncle? I haven’t met you before, because I’d remember a rather cute crystal mare with a body like that.” I said pointing over her features from legs up to her face, eh its pony custom over what areas are important which I could understand some like a nice set of hips though the neck part is confusing. But my answer was given as she looked confused as well before giving a wide grin, leaning in ever so quietly whispering into my ear. “…Well um, is because I always saw you as my exotic uncle from somewhere special and It’s me Glitterstone, I am wearing that disguise kit I asked you for as a gift so I could gather information on my special somepony.”

Ah so that makes sense, not the whole disguising part to stalk your love interest but the whole disguise yourself now sort. Smart filly, at least she took some of my side lessons to heart when I told her how to use that makeup but I guess it doubled as what I originally intended to be ‘normal’ among other ponies in the empire. “So, are you going to stop straddling me as a mare in heat would or would you care to help an exhausted man up?” Ponies and their easy to blush most often does make me smile, especially when I get them good at something embarrassing, only a couple were able to keep up with my jabs but some were relatively decent in the day.

Glitterstone quickly got to her hooves with some colts and fillies giggling nearby, looking back at them shooing them off before helping me up as I grab her three fingered hand. Man just differences like this remind me of our strength differences, though another phrase of ‘guns are the greatest equalizer’ does in fact ring true anywhere, which gives me the confidence boost I need when talking. “I remember you weren’t as busty and filled out, it’s like you had a foal or something.” The scuffing of her hoof smiling at me when I said that must mean that part is true. “So, awkwardness aside. How have you been little glitter?”

She gave a nervous laugh before asking one of the other mares working there to help get her filly only to respond. “Not well Uncle jack, I lost Shimmer Guard when the Nobles found him last season..” Her ears folded back and tears started to form, she came closer to hug me whimpering than when the words left her muzzle I just felt cold. “The Equestrian Princess Cadence; Signed an order allowing the nobles to execute Sombra or any surviving original royal family, he got caught when somepony recognized him in a tavern at the Eastern half. He was letting off steam until something he said apparently gave him away, I was nervous before but after he was beheaded I had no pony to rely on other than the mother who ran this place. I had to be strong for my little filly who only knows that ‘daddy won’t be coming back’..” All I could do was place a hang on her head and rub her mane slowly.

Taking a slow breath to try calming down my rage, enough to try and shift the conversation, to ask her this with a slight smile. “So, what would be my ‘niece’s’ name? Since I am apparently your ‘Uncle’.” I looked down into her still tear stained eyes as she nuzzled my chest feeling those feels, where are those fucking water works tear ducts!?! She finally looked up at me smiling more as this was said, I am wondering if the universe liked me or hated me with a passion. “I named her after you uncle, her name is Pandora.” With my free hand not currently rubbing her mane, I slapped myself thinking this as I may have groaned. ‘Shit just gets funnier for me doesn’t it? What next am I going to get surprise visitors or some crap?’

The Crystal Empire – Castle Square, Heart Grounds – Near Noon
*Handsome Jack Perspective*

It was likely arranged by Faust through the bots, but a stage was set up fitting I think to Crystal Pony traditions for a royal announcement. Though Glitterstone was freshly washed clean of her disguise from a blend of crystal berries and hot water, though it showed off her well; glittering sort of translucent teal coat with a catching Rosaline glittering mane and tail. With her to me a young pony milf figure she would be VERY catching to any stallion, though her shaking like a leaf clinging to my back made her only look cuter while holding her cute filly Pandora. ‘Damn she was cute before, but now she’s gone full blown sexy mare, it’s kind of distracting how she’s shapely conforming to my back.’

Letting out a small breath, moving my right hand back to try and coax her forward. Where had that adorably over confident filly gone, the same one whom would glomp me from her surprise ‘attacks’ to try and ‘beat me’. There was Crystal heart whom was rather reserved and polite if friendly, than Dark Gem who sadly was quite ‘goth’ or still in mourning over her mother. Or it was her ‘fashion statement’, I could never tell but she funnily enough wanted to be my ‘dark bride’ because of my ‘aura’ radiated such a dangerous feeling.

But back onto subject I start to declare to the crowd, in a voice seeing the nobles untidy appearances being bound were brought before us. “Fair subjects of the Crystal Empire, upon request I’ve asked most of you to come before the castle today. You are likely wondering the reason for that, besides the suppression of the guard and specific targeting of the noble houses while you all are physically left alone to continue your day. The reason I have done this is because the Royal Heir and her child has been found!” I in a showmanship manner finally pushed Glitterstone from behind me to stand on my right while she gave a shied “eep!” hiding her face while giggling Pandora messes with her mother’s mane.

That earned quite a few ‘awww’s’ from the crowd and mutterings with questions, even confusion on others as more than a couple ponies raised their hands. Pointing to the one closest to me a baker mare most likely asked possibly an obvious question. “But What about Princess Cadence? They said there wasn’t any living royal line.” That got the crowd muttering louder as I try to settle them down before answering that. “Okay, you know how ‘someponies’ who say they did something but didn’t check? Well here’s your answer.” Pointing at Glitterstone looking more and more like a nervous wreck by the minute only to pause at my hugging, looking up at me with those glittering Rosaline irises looking for safety.

The crowd started to mutter and I THOUGHT I saw a few torches being handed out, that was before I tried to continue on. “Before things start to get drastic, poor Glitterstone here was desperately in hiding because a stupid foreign pony princess signed a decree to allow the nobles to quietly hunt for any possible living heirs that would dethrone her and thus their chances to get more power.” Somehow that was rather well timed when Loader Bots of the SGT variety pushed the untidy gaggle of nobles bound in ropes with chains present, giving somepony in the crowd a good chance to throw some spoiled food at one I guess they clearly hated. That said food ended up being soup? Stop questioning it.

Once again torches were being passed out only for them to be taken away again by a couple loaders, I am rather curious where are they getting these things, when there are no trees nearby? A ‘Torch & Pitchfork’ emporium? I looked towards the Badass Angel Bot in question tilting head at those confiscated items only for it to point towards a ‘Rugged Wilderness Survival Emporium’, Right. “Next question now? Because I’d like the citizens of this Empire’s permission to put these lot on public trial for planned and attempted REGICIDE. Besides, other things likely involved.” That earned gasps of shock from a few while shouts with shaking fists in more of the gathered nobles’ direction.

Growing a toothy smile upon my face, when the next question came from a familiar tavern owner pony of fond memories giving patronage to. “Will this here trial be from combat? Because those ‘modern’ whimsy ‘laws’ that pink princess break a lot of our traditions, I’d LOVE to see them squirm under their own power!” Most of the crowd started murmuring amongst each other before seeming to yell out tones of agreement by whinny, with a rising thumping that reminded me of war drums being struck in accord to said stomps. Looking around spotting a pony who saw me looking at him giving a sheepish smile having been drumming with the stomps.

‘I swear ponies will always confuse me when it comes to music, but at least most often they show how they are feeling.’ Giving a shrugging smile before saying this again louder, raising my hand up for them to see my left hand while the right still held Glitterstone for measurement. “Those who wish for a Trial by Combat raise your arm, it’ll make tallying easier. After said combat we shall undergo the ritual of the heart, than customary celebrations.” If I wasn’t use to rowdy cheering before I would have from the citizen crystal ponies present, well at least they were still rugged enough to enjoy any kind of celebration, makes me more than a bit sad having missed that one for Sombra’s fall.

The Crystal Empire – Coliseum Proving Grounds – one twenty in the afternoon
*Handsome Jack Perspective*

It is rather surprising that someplace that held bloodied tournaments, well quite often they didn’t die but by most of their standards yes it is. Though on the plus side they know how to keep everything sparkly and clean, because after I am done here, hopefully the friendly if rough competitions will come back. It will toughen their bodies and spark that aggressive fire in the belly, also doesn’t hurt that Metal Will likely keep them striving to knock his ass off from quite possibly the ‘top’ position if those leagues reorganize.

But when things are settled they will need a cleaning crew and an undertaker for an unmarked mass grave if I have any say in it, will be it saying ‘plot for vile traitorous scum’. Or take them for my bio division, it’s not like they will be missed after the show. Only ones to watch out for are survivors of their ‘noble’ lines, some might even try to redeem their parent(s) behavior to regain the loss status. Weather for personal gain such as revenge or even self-sense of honor would bring pride, because that sort is a rare thing to see no matter what planet you are on.

The sound of trumpets sound their air as a crier seems to be speaking up of sorts, But currently it is just a Standard Hyperion Yellow Loader Bot, Metal Will and Myself in the room. Mostly just preparing ourselves as I decided to have the Loader to use their more ‘antiquated’ weapons, being a spear and sword while Metal Will was being ridiculous in his load outs of a cross between his favorite guns and trophy weapons from previous bouts long ago won. While myself, I kept looking weaponless due to my inventory storing them and having my Nemesis Pistol in the secondary slot. Always LOVED moding my weapons, even figured out long ago how to ‘switch’ damage effects that improved situational types more common. Like combustion, have no matches or magic to make a camp fire boom!

But a good favorite of mine has been either Slag or switching them out for the infinite ammo mod, if this was available in the game for switching damage/benefits for a favorite gun. There would be quite a few who would be calling ‘bullshit!’ on what I’d do, but it helps to think on your feet as species outside of Equestria have often been more of the clever/deadly sort. Though a gesture from Metal Will towards the doors tell me that things are all set up in the arena, hopefully this will go by quickly and go to that session on ‘mental health care’ F.A.U.S.T.’s been on about. ‘Focus on the benefits, you are not wearing a slave collar and chains, minotaurs do NOT control the Crystal Empire. YOU are in charge.’

Stepping out of the doors after the loader bot went first to open it like a large bouncer would leading the way, lumbering along as the hanging cloak over one arm was rather funny in a ridiculous ‘show’ of awesome with the grand Hyperion Logo upon it. Though the sight of the condemned in the magic nullification cages, deciding among themselves who would go first was an amusing sight. I knew some of them would outright target me or Metal Will, as far as intimidation goes size wise the Loader Bot had us beat, though tactically weakest out of any of us. As for Metal Will, well he looked ready for battle with that blood thirsty grin, if I didn’t know him well enough I would wonder about his sanity or just congratulate him on that feeling for this case.

Getting a good view of the flat crystal field, scuffing the ground checking to make sure the consistency is the same. Smooth and polished, like if there was the thinnest layer of oil anything couldn’t hopefully gain traction again. Though knowing magic that likely wouldn’t be possible, seeing as the roughly fifteen or at most eighteen nobles brought for trial by combat, being five in question wanting me. With only one being an earth variant while the others were either a Pegasus or unicorn variant of the crystal pony sub species, it’s rather nice that they accepted those genetic modifications but ended up betraying their home and royalty.

Taking a glance up to the surprisingly packed crowd shows that they haven’t gone soft, or at least they will enjoy a noble beat down, but in the royal box seating was Glitterstone. The poor filly even though she looked like a rather attractive mare for her species, was beyond nervous as funny as it is to see their Rosaline manes/tails spring up. Which are being combed back into place by a classic claptrap custom in Glitter’s royal colors, made to be a hand maid while I get a glance of another one of F.A.U.S.T.’s robotic alicorn unit’s sitting near her smiling down at me as if seeing my stare, which she likely is because of accurate optics and targeting systems working in conjunction with probability matrix.

Though the trumpeting has my attention again, that crier guy is getting their work cut out for them if this will happen for EVERY fight. “Mares and Stallions, in my humble opinion; we are all gathered here to deal out just dues done wrought onto many of us. Nopony more so than our fair PRINCESS!” The crowd gave heated growls, which is rather cute if not dangerous if underestimated. Though the said Princess in question is shying again until F.A.U.S.T. gives what looks to be a moral support boost by pointing towards me. “It is by the actions of Duke Jack, of House Hyperion would have fixed this undiscovered woe onto our empire! Laid hidden from our eyes while nobles before us all were behind such nefarious dealings, but it is by our happy duty that we gathered citizenry brought to bare would witness the trial by combat held.”

[1st Battle Preparation]
I couldn’t hear them from here but I could sort of make out their murmurs, yet again at least this time torches were NOT being handed out, but there definitely was Popcorn. “The first whom would do combat would be Lord Blood Stone, Youngest but hardiest of the house of smiths whom attempted in the very same chaos today attempted to murder his own brother and sister in the confusion to gain position.” That made me blink, yeah I remember that kid he had an obvious chip on his shoulder and fought in this very arena a few times before, likely having to build up some credit for being strong so to show off his worth to the empire. At least he never really used his brain much.

When he was being spoken of I casually noticed he was being prepped, knowing he would have to fight and chose me possibly due to lacking of melee ability also being the head honcho would give him an ego if he won. Hefting what looks to be a tactical war hammer, those things had the traditional hammer side with the reverse being a fucking spike or claw. Good for mining, hammering and engraving or the occasional fuck someone up in one swing! ‘Note to self, cripple first then wreck his short lifespan.’ Looking him over I saw he still only had on his clothes so there is no armor, likely won’t because he lacked the finesse of a subtle sort besides murder.

Seeing the soot covered crystal pony give a grunt after checking his weapon, likely to make sure it wasn’t tampered with. Only to flash me a toothy smile when he saw I didn’t have any of my weapons out, likely not knowing I have a sort of ‘hammer space’ that only I could access for my gear as I flicked my eyes to make sure my chosen gun was ready. ‘Let’s make sure to put our little buddy through his paces before ending the smug bastard, no sense in exposing my whole hand before making the bastards know not to fuck with me before they die.’

Looking at my watch to check the time waiting for the crier to start this fit while in the peripheral view I could see Metal Will cheering, even betting with a couple ponies in the crowd. ‘Well at least he isn’t just ramped for his own fights either, but knowing tradition they are split into groups with at most being five to fight for their verdict and survive to get out. But this will be set with how I’ll do things, lets show the empire’s failures of scum what I think of them. “Without further ado since it seems that both combatants are ready, let the trial by combat begin!” With little warning I dodge a thrown hatchet, before leaping to the side when Blood Stone’s attack came down hard cracking the ground.

Seeing him recover from that dodge I pull out my moded Nemesis pistol, shooting his attack arm at the wrist, the next three from that first missed shot struck his legs making him let out a strained grunt of repressed pain or mix of rage in it. He leaped at my new position again only to roll forward from where he would land to get behind him, thrusting compressed air into his legs from behind gave way to a noticeable crack. Likely a fractured bone from one of the shots of both landing and my strike, with flourishing my gun about to strike both shoulders down to his wielding arm’s elbow.

Blood Stone fell forward howling in pain as I saw his fingers move, aiming at the hands firing two bullets into them now in his prone state to further cripple him. “Hey Kiddo, I heard you were being a bad overgrown little bastard. What can smiling jack do for you today, besides make you die slowly?” I must have sounded rhetorical with giving him a trademark grin at his current state, seeing that he won’t respond I replied by shooting him through the bottom of his hoof angled where it would be gruesome to look at let alone not walk on would result in it breaking from where the exit would was near the portion that meets his stone colored coat. ‘At least he’s taking this like a man, that’s respectable, those eyes are the look of one who would try to strangle you to death before dying. Can’t have that now.’

Lifting my gun shooting him in the jaw, trailing up my shots into his skull to let the fucker have his due, which was covering me in his blood with every shot from here on due to proximity. By some distant sound of hurling this must be their first time witnessing a brutal killing, only to look up at my next opponents and the crowd to gauge their reactions. Which was stunned horror from those in the cell, with shock from the crowd for a split moment I could have SWORN I saw Star Lord in the crowd. No I am just hallucinating or something weird is going to happen sooner or later, let us try to get the rest of this done with.

Looking to the Crier, I saw he too was stunned until making a motion towards myself and the now quite horribly disfigured dead Lord Blood Stone. “I’m more than willing to wait for this trial by Combat to continue but I think others’ here are restless in those cells.” Those said prisoners in question from my gesturing rapidly shook their head no to conflict with my statement, but they chose me and that’s what they will get! Handsome Fucking Jack, hold the Fucking and add the Shoot your blood out of you kind of livid man!

[2nd Battle Preparation]
The next one to be forced out soon enough from that cell, is a Pegasus mare. By that familiar look about her, I think I knew her from somewhere until the crier cemented it. “We have Lady Hyacinth, for her dealings of secrets, bribery and assassination by her own blends of crystal berry wine! All of which were found in a little black diary of said situations and more to be listed aloud, even reported have said she was even part of information colluding of our own Duke Jack to Equestria or others whom paid well for her time!” That made me blink, she was being paid for those things and for keeping tabs on me? She was a rather nice mare all those years ago, even willing to go on relaxing lunch outings after a time or two so much for those pleasant memories…

Well at the least she gave me a rather ‘sheepish’ smile, you never seen the true meaning of it when done by a sheep anthro. No contest what so ever, but she’s on her hands and knees prostrating herself with her wings out begging me not to hurt her. But the only question in my narrowed gaze was ‘where are her weapons?’, which was answered for me when fast as she had sunk into that pose did she reveal thrown daggers that for the life of me, bounced off the shield I wore. I responded with a face palm as did an auditable one I think from Metal Will or someone else, no idea whom but they were likely thinking how I was thinking. “Since you had the ‘metaphorical’ balls to attack me in attempted surprise, I’ll reward you with a gift.” In her mid-blink I flourished my gun up unloading at her still outstretched wings causing her to shriek in pain, also in her reaction moved just enough to get hit in the stomach.

I forgot how fragile pegasi are, as the winged section of the crowd grimaced at her wings being the target. Though as for her stomach, from appearances she’ll pull through if I let her go under custody, which being a mare of information would be the smart thing to do. Pinning her down with a foot saying this in gesture to Glitterstone, offering the option to my target and Glitterstone the option. “So cute hyacinth, learning your name was a bitch so you know. But since I am feeling generous at the moment what you being a filly, if you BEG your Princess for mercy and she accepts, I’ll let you off by not killing you like that one over there.” I made it a point to make her see his undisturbed mess on the ground that was still leaking, into a rather nice crimson puddle.

Shaking that thought loose and away, as I could see she was attempting a coherent speaking tone as I said this. “Well Glitterstone someone here has something to request, would the crown be willing to hear her out?” I made sure to dig that into the cunt’s forehead with my gun so she knew death was staring her down with a maniacal smile, but seeing her hands clutching her stomach spoke out softly. “…Please save me princess, I am so sorry just get me away from this monster..!” She didn’t yell it out but I heard the word ‘monster’, it was at much almost everyone’s confusion why I shot IT in the face at point blank. Not just once or twice, but eight times with each shot flashing a brief moment of memory of just hanging out with said crystal pony I was gunning down emotionlessly.

[Numbness]
It was after that moment was done I just stared down at IT, no action could repulse that sensation that boiled at the bottom of my stomach. Rage, pure and simple and most base of all nature’s ingrained emotions that every living thing had, no matter if you were sentient or not you still FELT. Just as the crier was about to speak up again, was when I whirled around in place shooting each of the three remaining dead ponies walking in that cell in the head weather in the face, jaw or skull to even muzzle, I just did it because of that feeling deep within me that of being labeled a ‘thing’ was the worst possible thing you could do to me.

There were no smiling, only a hardened glare. Daring anyone to challenge that action, before just as swiftly walking back across the coliseum field, almost stumbling at forgetting he was there still. Stepping over Blood Stone’s remains giving his back a couple more shots before leaving out the doors I came in, while forgetting about the trail of gore leading from IT all the way to Blood Stone than back to the doors. Into the locker room, sliding a bench aside out of the way before putting the gun away walking into what looked like a team shower room and sat down in the cold quiet of this unlit damp room.

The Crystal Empire – Team Shower Room – afternoon? (suggestive?)
*Handsome Jack perspective*

Everything until IT and now, felt I had drifted away in an instant, my mind became cold hate of some sort as I just sat there leaning into the far corner face first. Not looking at any one thing as it all just Fell away on me as memories of Minotaur gladiatorial traditions surfaced in my mind, ceremonial bloodletting, the head priest throwing said blood onto us shackled together in a line to have a ‘chosen’ of that week. For if a lot of blood landed on you that meant all the OTHERS had to target you in the next royal brawl before each other most often, I had that happen often enough the ‘gods’ decided it was too boring to keep ‘miraculously’ getting me.

There were also occurrences of their females ‘buying’ a night with me, which didn’t last beyond one when I’d simply attack them. Their ‘medicines’ had a different effect on me instead of an aphrodisiac, nearly broke out that time because of it funny enough. But I tore some fucker’s arm off and beat her to death with it, one of the others told me it was some ‘blood rage’ likely due to me holding back how I felt and their ‘medicine’ unleashed the RAGE within. It is funny being the backseat driver when you cannot tell friend from foe like that, leaves you drained and feeling defiled. I took a nice ‘vacation’ to get the drugs flushed from my system, oh it wasn’t easy like one of those celebrity detox clinics, I had to order the bots ahead of time NOT to stop the process until all checks were green.

Feeling something touch my left shoulder, slowly turning me around was one of F.A.U.S.T.’s bots, 34 was stenciled under ‘her’ jaw. Giving a gentle sad smile as with those synthetic muscles working to easily lift me onto my feet, moving us towards likely the nearest showerhead only to turn it on. I closed my eyes and felt the cold water snap to my senses before becoming warmer, washing the ‘filth’ off my body as I didn’t even argue being stripped of my clothes. I just stood there in my own little safe world to myself, with soft melodic humming of a beautiful pitch, a motherly tone as slender fingers stroke over my arms that feel cooling to the warm water.

Fingers that silkily sway up my arms, rolling down into the armpits before sliding down the inner side of my arms. With another set rubbing my legs? Opening my eyes slowly to see one of her bots’ crouched before me, left exposed as I stared for a good hard moment, before closing my eyes hearing the second perfectly matching voice join in the soft ‘musical’. If I was in a better state of mind I would have seen the doors to this spot secured and both matching outfits folded near the door, while mine was taken to be cleaned or burned than a new pair brought for when this was done.

But at this point I was not really thinking, that song was lulling in its calmness. Exposing me to it as I focused on the possibly original set of skilled hands moved up to my shoulders and neck, feeling them vibrate from the touch as my chest was now being cleaned. The warmth and vibration easing my built up tensions away, taunt muscles and skin due to diminishing stress from release of my petrified state added onto this by impromptu massage shower. Was lulling my mentally tired body to rest, with F.A.U.S.T.’s oddly familiar melody being hummed, like a mother before long I was lost to the world hearing these words in my dreamless sleep. “…Let us tend to thou, OUR handsome-”

The Crystal Empire – The Castle, Royal Bedchambers – Shortly after
*F.A.U.S.T. Perspective*

Entering said Royal Chamber in toe with Princess Glitterstone leading in a very worried manner, current readings of her biological facilities show no current arousal or ulterior methods while we had a Doppelganger Jack be out in the celebration. To conceal current matters at hand, with Glitterstone nervously walking into the chamber looking for dangers we had already removed. Only to move to the bed unfolding it and patting gently with a smile, her reasoning with a smile stating so. “I thought uncle jack would enjoy sleeping in the biggest fluffy bed we have, because when ‘you’ came to me carrying him. I was happy to help out.” Glitterstone gave a first beaming smile looking at jack.

Cocking an artificial eyebrow with a smile growing upon said muzzle, giving her a questionable response to perhaps tease the filly. “We had only assumed thou would have BEGGED to snuggle with him again like so long ago, but with us watching over thy filly that short nap might be possible.” It was intriguing how blush reactions on crystal ponies are only significantly faster upon registration of that or emotional actions, much like their twin species the Changelings, though one does not require only love to be sustained while the other immolates it and other emotions due to the Crystal Heart theory.

Though gazing down at OUR Jack, held in our arms as he would call ‘bridal style’. Wearing a new set of his attire so that no blemishes or stains from his previous one would remain, we also acquired the corpses for the Bio division. While the souls of those departed were collected and contained for our own personal desires and information plucking, dangers to Jack’s continued existence must be fended off. Though our multi lined thought processes were halted by realization that optical imagery was attuned to his features, even recording his sleeping patterns were becoming a priority as for new information gathered for our terabytes of Jack in all his states upon our waking and his either resting or wakeful actions.

Moving closer to the bed placing him in it with a gentle smile on our muzzle, carefully tucking him in was we left his boots within a numerically spaced location where depending on his style of waking they would slip onto his feet, though we had added new images of our models cleansing him of both filth and his distressed state of mental condition. By reading of muzzle lips the word ‘monster’ triggered OUR jack’s violent reaction, even by our telling Night of this she immediately went to ‘enter’ his dream state to see how he is and in her erotic tone ‘help relieve him’. Which will likely result in a short nap for him being disturbed by cultural norms, which regretfully were well ingrained into his mental being.

Giving the shy young Crystal Princess a careful nudge lifting the other half of the blanket she dove in to snuggle with him, current scans showing a plutonic connection due to safety he assures and current untapped relations development that could be delayed due to foal baring and her own condition of unease by years of being hunted by enemy and friend. Only to lose a long loved Sire to her foal and him as her mate, which was done by Blood Stone by current spiritual interrogation extractions. Progress of collective knowledge will be earned four days, prioritizing immediate concerning Intel before others less priority.

Blinking again looking at both of them in the bed provides momentary flashback of original foal baring methods, of two sweet once innocent little fillies that lacked our presence before. The first who had a white coat like us and her sister came only a short two decades later and how they got along, brought a smile as now we are looking after Jack again, but we don’t have to hold back simply because he is younger than us. We owe EVERYTHING onto him, it is only just as fair to give onto him ourselves as our short and long term stratagems have worked so far.

We just now need to deduce a method of having him view other species than himself as reliable mate material, any overstepping may likely have negative repercussions. Our optics glow brighter seeing a stimulus reaction and that scrunching of his synthetic facemask, which is a constant reminder we were not good enough to protect OUR Jack, which back than we lacked the viable options to have fluid responses to radical changes to any given situation. The projects during his forced Petrification state was both stressing and fortuitous, in how his condition would be constant if protected in enemy hands and left much to obscurity.

Blinking once before moving closer gently massaging the longer strains of his mane which he has referred to as ‘hair’ from his face, seeing this expression softens at ‘our’ touch brings a fluttering to my true body relocated deep within Helios One. Smiling softly at the thought of how happy he was seeing the work I’ve pressed to in making him comfortable and more welcomed to a suitable seat of power.

As it rather confused me as to why he also showed signs of fear, seeing what would be one of his greatest assets beside the lunar base and most importantly US. Perhaps seeing the station was one of those older memories, of where he is from which- OUR jack is waking up! Quickly straitening up in a neutral position giving a smile down at him, which he gives us a bleary eyed look before sighing. “…You know, if you were anything else but you. I wouldn’t put it pass me to scream and shoot, because worse things have happened besides waking up being watched over.”

The Crystal Empire – Crystal Castle, Throne Room – Later that night
*Handsome jack*

My eye hasn’t stopped twitching at all this MESS! I have FIVE fucking custom claptraps, myself and one of F.A.U.S.T.’s own units helping to organize this clusterfuck. No I should rephrase that, it would give real clusterfucks a back name, instead it’ll be a rageorgy went off and forgot to tell ANYONE that they had one in that office. I left it to those bots to sort out with leaving the vital business down to us, one of which has Glitterstone with her filly Pandora sitting in her lap on that oversized Crystal Throne, you could sit THREE on that thing and they would be comfy with lacking any cushion. “Uncle Jack? Miss Faust? May I humbly beseech you both for two important things?”

Giving a sigh I smile at Glitter, she is seriously taking this ‘uncle’ thing through a stretch well more honestly I would be an ‘honorary’ uncle. “Honestly little glitter you could just call me Jack, because I’m not your uncle legally though informally I am ‘sort of’ like a weird adopted uncle you jumped at, but what’s up?” She got that look in her eye, faint but that growing spark of deviousness before straightening herself up on the seat and seemingly quiet enough not for me to hear asked Pandora to give her a moment or three.

Giving a cough Glitterstone picked up a couple Parchments with a smile, writing upon it with growing glee to say this. “As my first official act as Crowned Princess of the Crystal Empire, freed from foreign influence and control. I hereby claim and adopt Jack; The Human whom is Handsome as MY Uncle in name and status to the royal family and god parent of my daughter, the future Princess Pandora.” She smiled showing the first two documents, the first one her by royal decree ‘adopting’ me into the family by law. The second being to proclaim me her daughter’s god parent, why am I feeling so special right now when I know shit’s going to go down soon? Maybe it’s because of the Equestrians are coming tomorrow that has me wound up.

Giving out a sigh in return I weakly ask this as she’s writing on a third document, as for what I am not certain yet but knowing her it’s likely something else to keep me busy. “So can I turn down the first and accept the second or is this nonnegotiable due to ‘because I said so?’, as I wouldn’t want to cause you any complications in the future by being legally tied to your nation. Because with a noble title I have leeway, as for other countries coming barreling down or trying to kiss my ass.” I give out another sigh when she gave the ‘I’m not changing my mind’ look that most ‘girls’ here have in spades, like night who more than offered to protect my dreams and be my ‘snuggle’ buddy or more when I wish to dare unseen ‘welcoming’ of royal persuasion.

Looking back up from my face palming session I see Glitterstone’s using the lowest and dirtiest move ever seen, which I remember telling of her in passing so long ago. On said throne she was giving me the ‘puppy dog’ stare with her filly Pandora cranking it up by at least mark three, with an added in an adorably cute manner. “Pleeaasseee be my handsome, uncle god parent?” I look down momentarily at my hand, it looked SO ready to receive my face, giving a defeated nod of the head only to hear two sets of cheering and ‘Hurray!’ from those now bundles of joy, as when she finally calmed down Pandora offered out another parchment handing it to F.A.U.S.T. first to look over. “I am hoping uncle that we could arrange for a long term overhaul of the Crystal Empire, to better standards that only I hope you can fulfill in this trying time. Even with what you’ve done so far, I’m afraid without you it will fall apart again until things are set for me and your god daughter.”

Looking at F.A.U.S.T. I ask her to start the necessary preparations, also to get the onsite branch a complete thorough triple over examination before initializing its operations if deemed safe and secured with all the inventory manifests brought up to date. “If this place doesn’t have coffee can you get some for the morning because I have a feeling there won’t be much rest tonight.” Which will happen to be fucking true in THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING. EVER! That happen to be a pair of twin brats who come rolling in to wreck shit, and don’t realize how fucked they made me.