Author's Notes:

There's a gay bathhouse joke in here somewhere.....

I let out a long sigh, sitting naked in a large room with a pool at the bottom of a set of bleacher style benches carved into the wall. The entire room was full of steam, a large pile of coals sitting in the middle of the pool on a small pedestal were giving off all the heat you could ever need, and the crystal of the room had absorbed just enough to be comfortable without melting your flesh.

Sombra stepped in from the hall out into the antechamber to the bath. "You know, male to male, it feels so good to shit and piss in peace." He walked in and walked around the base of the bleachers. "...I feel that came out--"

I shook my head. "Vulgar and disgusting, but true." I leaned back against the wall of the room. "Toilet paper is a god-sent, a uh.... gift from god." I relaxed against the crystal-work benches carved into the ground. "Oooh shit, this is wonderful."

Sombra lowered himself into the water. "Days were spent planning these hideouts, I'd hope they live up to a peasants expectations."

I laughed heavily. "Don't even care...you...you can go fuck yourself with the coals." I went slack against the warm crystal. "Shit, how long was this in the same town?" I groaned gently and sat upright. "You know, maybe next time we're freezing to death for three days, you'll mention a giant underground heater sooner."

Sombra swam around his bath like a dog, paddling along with his hooves. "A what?" His voice was more of a growl than any type of civil conversation.

I rolled my wrist. "A-- you'd think my English would get better the more I use it." I scratched my damp hair. "A... you know.... a heater."

Sombra stood on two hooves to keep above water. "Heizung?"

I shrugged. "I don't know how to say it in English. Wärme? Warmth, heat?"

"An underground warm?" Sombra cocked his head. "A heater?"

I snapped my fingers. "Yes-- fuck!" The snap echoed around the room. "... Huh, odd. Ja, a heater I think is what they call a heater."

Sombra swam over to the edge and hopped back onto the floor, looking like a sheep dog. "You keep talking in circles! I don't know if it's the right word, I don't know what you're saying!" He stepped up towards me, staying a few levels below me. "Are all your people this stupid!?"

"Fuck you!" I stood up and held my arms out. "Come up here and say that to my face! I'll fuck you until you scream my name!"

Sombra threw his head back, slapping his side with his wet mane. "I don't even know your name!"

I cocked my head. "I-- I haven't told you...have I?" I scratched my head and walked down towards him, carefully descending the rubber steps laid into crystal frames in the ground. "Hmm, I suppose when freezing to death is a constant threat you forget common pleasantries."

Sombra leaned forward and shook his head. "What?"

"Ensel." I sat down before him. "My name is Ensel."

Sombra sighed loudly and walked up to my level. "Your kind have odd names, don't they?" He sighed and sat down next to me. "King Sombra Flak of North Diaosis."

I looked over at the red eye'd fuck. "Sombra Flak?"

Sombra frowned and showed his teeth. "Eh, I know. My father invented some of Equestria's first cannons. He was given the name Flak in honor of the rounds he created." He shook his head and laughed. "Nothing quite like watching a crystal empire shell explode."

"Oh?"

Sombra smiled and closed his eyes. "They burst when they hit the target and shower it in crystal shards. I've only ever seen them used on the griffons once, after that we simply had to stockpile them and we could avoid war for years."

"Nuclear deterrent." I rubbed my chin. "Do you know what Russia is?"

Sombra shook his head. "Do you know what the Venn Dynasty--"

"It's not a competition. I'm just asking." I rubbed my forehead. "You're describing something that happened on Earth. Cold war, nineteen eighty." I shook my head hard. "Was bad years for us."

Sombra looked up at me, his normal glare still there. "Us? What us?"

"Uuh, people from East Prussia." I rubbed my mouth. "Went from true Germans to Russians. Such a shame."

Sombra rolled his eyes. "How little I care. Your history sounds as dull as you a--"

I stood up and turned to face him. "God forbid we have thousands of years to develop and decide not to stick with archaic monarchies for millennia! How old is Equestria? Too old to be using kings and queens and cannons!"

"I haven't exactly been around for the past few centuries!" Sombra stood up and glared up at me, barely reaching my ribs with his horn. "You seem to forget that banishment is a very real concern for us--"

I leaned forward.

Sombra snarled angrily. "Right in the middle of me talking...right on my nose."

I stepped back. "You're really at a bad height here." I laughed heavily. "Oh-- that was funny."

Sombra's glare could melt steel, eyebrows arched completely downward, eyes wide open and bright red, frown heavy with a single tooth showing over his lip. Black and green were bleeding in from the edges of his eyes. "I could crush your head like a grape."

I nodded slowly. "Then do it. Honestly, at this point I don't think there's much I could do to stop you." I sat back and looked towards the coals. "You'd just be here, alone, waiting. And waiting. Oh, did I mention the waiting? All alone--"

"Point made!" Sombra walked before me. "I don't like it anymore than anypony else!" He glared at me then turned to face the coals. "I already tried the direct approach at taking back my kingdom too...went floating for another year and a half, then...I don't even know how long its been since then--"

"Two years." I tapped my fingers on the crystal bench. "Crystal empire showed up about two years ago if I'm correct. Maybe three." I scratched my chin. "No...Tirek-- then humans showed up a few months after.... Been-- Uh, three years I think."

Sombra's eyes went wide as he swung around. "That's it?"

"Feels a lot longer when you're alone. No innuendo intended." I crossed my arms. "I've only been out here for a few weeks, feels like its been months."

Sombra held his head. "Ugh.... That's a sickening thought."

I scratched my chin with my thumb. "So, can I ask what's up with you? The no age thing I mean."

Sombra rubbed his head. "Uh.... Long story, involves ponies I'd really rather not bring up telling me what to do with something."

"Your father telling you not to shove things in your ass?" I asked, completely serious.

Sombra turned to me. "I--" He stopped dead and looked off towards the wall. "You're not completely wrong, you're still the mental equivalent of pond scum, but you're not completely wrong."

I frowned hard. "Solidarity?"

Sombra turned to me with a confused look. "For what?"

"Your husband made you immortal? I'm not immortal, but I know what people telling you not to--"

Sombra stomped his hoof. "If I wanted to talk about him with you, I would! Now shut your heathen mouth and sit quietly!" His voice boomed around the room near the end. His eyes glowed green for a bit before he shook it off. "He didn't make me immortal.... I tried to--"

I stared at him, holding my hands up slightly. "Are you alright?"

Sombra's right eye watered slightly. He looked up at me for a bit before turning away. "You sound the same...." He sighed deeply and turned to face the water. "Questing for ways to preserve those close to us, can find us ways to never be with them again." Sombra huffed. "He died, despite everything I did to save him, he died, yet I'm still here."

Sombra turned to me, eyes jammed shut. "Can you leave? I know you're going to make some joke or--"

I stood up and walked down towards the hall. "I'll be in kitchen."

Sombra lowered his head. "Thank you. I just need some time to reflect. It's been a while."

I nodded quickly and hurried out to where my clothes were waiting. I peeked my head back into the bath house. "Sombra!"

"I said I needed quiet!" He snapped around to face me, eyes billowing smoke.

I stared him dead on. "Enemies, friends, I don't know what we are. But a voice and an ear I will always be." I ducked back out of the room. "Collect your thoughts!"