Rainbow Dash Is Eating Your Bed
warewolves

The door opens with a creak, and you make a vague mental reminder to get some oil for the hinges. For a small moment, you pause, hand still on the door, halfway into your home, and wonder why something so normal even registers on your ‘concern’ radar. After all, today was a Monday. And Monday meant…

Your stomach growls, and you go to your new fridge. A big bite out of your savings, but at the very least this one claims to be more fireproof. You don’t want to take chances. Shuddering, you grab out a can of drink and close the door with your foot, turning toward the shelves. Opening it up, you immediately notice all your bags of chips have been opened, and cleaned of their contents.

Sighing, you open your drink, and rub your forehead. Turning, you make your way through your living room and up the stairs. Pausing at the bathroom, you wrinkle your nose. The smell still lingered, even after fifteen doses of bleach. Turning, you look toward your bedroom, and consider going downstairs, ignoring whomever was visiting today.

Grabbing the handle, you know that wouldn’t be wise. After all, you feared what damage the ponies that come could do to your room, let alone the rest of the house. While you didn’t like the fact creatures were appearing on your bed, the only one’s that had proven to be an actual danger, either to you or themselves, were the ponies. And so, you reach out, and turn the handle.

While not as strange as your bed being sucked into who-knows-where, what you were seeing was somewhere in the Vinyl end of the pony spectrum, that much you were sure. Maybe it was the rainbow mane and tail, or the fact that the cyan mare had a set of wings erupting from her back, but you were certain it was what she was doing to your bed, not even caring that you could see her doing it.

Rainbow Dash was currently eating your bed.

Well, if you were specific, she was currently finishing off your pillow, and moving onto the sheets. As you looked on, you realised the mare even had a knife and fork in her hooves, slicing up the sheet into sizable chunks. Taking your hand off the door, your put your drink down on your desk, and cough once, gaining the mare’s brief attention, before she resumes eating.

“Excuse me, why are you eating my bed?” After a second of consideration, you decided simply asking would be the best and quickest way to get an answer. Surprisingly, the mare looks up, and pauses in her eating to look you over. After a moment, she points to the door.

“Because the couch tastes like butt. Come on, do you really expect me to eat that?” While the entire situation was insane, you couldn’t deny that if you had to choose between eating the bed and the sofa, you would have chosen the bed. Especially since the couch was used, at least 30 years old, and had never been washed. Vaguely, you wonder why it hadn’t stunk up the room yet. Shaking your head, you realise Rainbow Dash has gone back to eating your sheets. If you didn’t hurry, she might actually start on your bed.

“Look, if you’re hungry I can order takeout or something, I kinda need that for, well, sleeping.” Once more, the mare raises her head at your words, and you notice the irritated glance as she folds her wings, and finishes another slice of your sheet. Swallowing, Rainbow Dash points to the bed as she begins to speak.

“You can if you want, but I have to eat the bed. See, I woke up here. And that means I have to eat your bed. You can keep the mattress and the wooden frame. I’ve never liked the crust.” Rainbow Dash cut off another slice of the sheets, and placed it in her mouth. Well, at least most of your bed will be safe, but those were your favorite sheets…

“Why does you waking up there mean you have to eat my bed?” Your mouth provides the words despite the fact your brain is having trouble keeping up. After finishing off the sheets, Rainbow Dash yawns, and falls backward onto the bed. You wonder if she’s going to sleep another night. Should you lay out another ‘meal’?

“You don’t know? Jeez and here Twilight said you were some weird scientist geek who knows a lot about anatomy.” Rainbow Dash paused just long enough to let her words sink in, and you scratch the back of your head. Turning around, you decide to sip your drink instead. What better way to hide your embarrassment over your first visitor finding ‘those’.

“Alright fine, I’ll tell ya. S’perfectly simple. Pegasi eat our beds after we wake up in the mornings. Why do you think we live on clouds? They’re a part of our natural diet. Fluttershy doesn’t eat them as often as most, but she doesn’t have to take care of her body like I do, as an up and coming Wonderbolt.” Rainbow Dash sat up, and you imagine her eating a cloud like she did your sheets.

“Well, my bed wasn’t made out of clouds…” Wondering what the fabric would do to her body, your first thought is concern it might make her sick. However, Rainbow Dash just brushes it off, and steals your drink, gulping it down. You pout, that was your last one. Not only that, you’re certain she has already raided your fridge.

“Listen, whatever your name is.” Rainbow Dash starts talking, and you blink.

“Uh, it’s-” Sadly, you are cut off before you can even utter a single syllable.

“Yeah yeah whatever hey you said something about takeout? I’m starving.” Rainbow Dash grins, and you mentally sigh. Of course she remembered that, you pull out a menu from the drawer, thankful that the pizza joint delivered. After getting it snatched out of your hand, you reach for a pen and paper, knowing Rainbow Dash is likely going to want a lot of food. Why was it your job to feed them now?

“I’ll have this, and this, and this, oh and that too.” Rainbow Dash pointed to the items on the menu, and you quickly write them down. Thankfully, they were both cheap, and items you were going to order anyway. Making a silent note to hide half for yourself, you watch as Rainbow Dash goes back to slouching.

“Why are you back anyway? I assumed you would only visit once.” You shuddered, knowing that if one pony could return, it was likely others could. And considering how some of them had treated your room, that was an experience you were in no rush to repeat.

“Twilight told me to come back and apologise for ‘breaking the dimensional anchor that is keeping the world from spiraling into a trans dimensional something something end of the world something yada’. Egghead stuff basically.” You blink at Rainbow Dash’s words, wondering what you should be concerned more about; the fact your bed was apparently some sort of ‘dimensional anchor’, the fact Rainbow Dash had broken it, or that she had tossed the words ‘end of the world’ around like it wasn’t a big deal.

“So let me get this straight. Twilight sent you back, to apologise, and you decided to eat my bed.” Your eye twitches slightly as you watch Rainbow Dash glance to you.

“Yeah, so?” Rainbow Dash raises an eyebrow, watching you curiously.

Turning, you head out to order the pizza. In the end, considering the potential torment these ponies could bring, you silently wondered if the end of the world would be something you’d welcome.