Author's Notes:

Okay, first of all, final warning that this story contains huge ass spoliers for the Equestria Girls Holiday Special comic book. Also, I want to warn you that during Sunset's memories near the end, the girls do say some things to Sunset that may be out of character for them to some people. These memories were directly taken from the comic, so please don't start bitching that they would never say something like that, because they DID in the comic. I'm not sure if anyone would get mad or not, just giving all of My Little Ponies a warning that it may seem a little rough, but it is in the comic. It isn't a lot, just a few lines of dialouge.

Also, this will probably be the last thing I write until after Christmas, but I am going to try and borrow my brother's tablet a few times while we are gone to read some. If we have any internet at all anyways. Anyways, Happy Hearthswarming, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy New Year, Happy Holidays to ALL!

Well, at least everything turned out, right? Everyone will find out who Anon-A-Miss really was and Sunset herself would be off the hook. Right?

Sunset wanted so much to believe that, but no matter how many times she told herself that as she walked from Sugarcube Corner, it wouldn’t ease the pain she felt. She had tried so much, worked to hard to prove that she had changed. And for awhile she had actually thought she was making progress. After all, she had five totally awesome friends who loved her no mater what now, didn’t she?

No, she knew that she didn’t. They weren’t her friends, she realized that now as she held her leather jacket closed, trying to hide in it as the chill night air seemed to actually get colder in just a few moments. A biting wind carried a few snowflakes, more and more joining them as she continued on aimlessly. It wasn’t like she had a place to sleep tonight, she already told the homeless shelter that she had a place to stay for the week since everyone was hosting a slumber party, a different night each. She doubted that they still had a bed for her.

Looking up into the streetlight that was illuminating the snowflakes as they flurried by, she couldn’t help wishing that it was raining instead. At least then the water would mix with her tears, and nobody would see them. Not that it mattered, she had even cried in front of the whole school a couple times over the last few days, who gave a damn if someone saw her now?

“Why do they hate me? They promised me that they were my friends, that they loved me?” Sunset sobbed out, wanting to collapse onto her knees. She kept herself from doing so as the snow was collecting at her feet, already covering the ground. Wearing a skirt with no leggings, or anything else to cover her legs, was a bad idea tonight. It was going to be a cold one, and instead of spending it at a friend’s house, she would likely be spending it in the open cold air.

She didn’t get an answer, not that she didn’t expected to get one. She was alone, a fact that she would have to get used to. Following the path she was on, Sunset came to her favorite park. During the spring and summer, she would often come out her and sit by the pond and feed the birds. It was so relaxing, and there was something about the place that just made her feel good. It was so beautiful and peaceful.

In the winter, it was still beautiful and peaceful, though in a different way. The pond was frozen over, and though she would expect people to come skate on it, the park had made it against the rules after some kid fell through the ice last winter. Thankfully they were pulled out before anything bad could happen to them.

Walking over to her favorite bench, Sunset brushed the snow off the wooden seat before collapsing into it. Hugging herself, she leaned forward, rocking a little. More tears joined the first, as she once again asked herself, ‘Why?’

She knew she was once a royal bitch to the entire school, but she had thought that after the Battle of the Bands, everything was forgiven. She spent so much of her free time helping out around the school, going through the different clubs volunteering her time to help them. She even volunteered to stay after school and helped the teachers if they needed something. It seemed like all of her hard work was paying off as she had friends and people who smiled and greeted her everyday.

She even had five awesome friends who she did everything with. Sure, she still had her secrets from them such as being homeless, though she survived easily. It wasn’t really hard with all of the help Canterlot provided to the less fortunate. Free meals and a warm bed if you reserve it twenty-four hours in advance, and a place to shower and wash your clothes. She was doing good enough, but she couldn’t tell her friends that because they loved her so much. She didn’t want them worrying about her as she was doing well enough.

Yet the last few days had shown just how little her friends really cared about her. They didn’t believe her, and even though a part of her could understand it after all the terrible things she did, Sunset had believed that after everything they would have her back. That they would trust in her because of their love for her.

Sitting here in the cold night, makeup running as she cried, Sunset couldn’t figure it out. How could they say that they loved her, claim that they were her friends and family, when they so easily turned her back on them? Did everything that she had done since the Fall Formal and the Battle of the Bands mean absolutely nothing?

Watching as the breath slowly flowed from her nose and mouth, the cold making it almost look like she was a dragon, Sunset sighed heavily. She knew the answer, had always feared it, but she needed to face it. She was unloved and unwanted, both in Equestria and here. Nobody would miss her if she was gone, hell, they would probably have Pinkie Pie throw a party.

“I give up.” Sunset stuttered, the cold getting to her as she pulled a small pocket knife from her pocket. It was a small thing, usually used to do small things such as cutting string or ribbon since the blade itself was pretty sharp. It would be so easy to do something else with it. Pulling back the sleeves of her jacket, Sunset unfolded the knife and began tracing it over the skin of her wrist. It felt so cold against her skin, the blade running up and down her arm as she debated if this was really what she wanted.

“You secret stealer!” Pinkie had accused her, the memory making Sunset press down on the knife drawing a thin line of blood.

“You’re not our friend!” Fluttershy cried, as Sunset herself was crying. Yet another memory that brought even more pressure for the next cut, even more crimson liquid pooling up around the small laceration.

“How could you do this? After all we’ve been through together?” Rarity asked, disappointment filling her voice. Sunset sobbed out as she slashed at her wrist this time, fumbling with the blade so it drew blood, but not much. Crimson droplets was starting to stain the snow below as she sat there shivering from the cold and shuddering from her sobs.

“I’m sorry, but you did this to us. Tell whatever secrets you want. But we don’t have to listen.” Applejack had said, the memory drawing a loud sob from Sunset as she cut another slash into her wrist. Switching hands, Sunset gripped the knife, though watching the blood flow was making her feel weaker, even if she really hadn’t lost all that much.

And finally, “Hey! Get out!” Rainbow Dash snapped out, Applejack following up with, “Yer not welcome here, Sunset!”

With another loud sob Sunset brought the knife up with the last memory, intending to bring it across her wrist to hopefully cut an artery or something. She didn’t care, she just wanted the memories and pain to go away.

“Yer not welcome here, Sunset!”

“Yer not welcome here, Sunset!”

“Yer not welcome here, Sunset!”

The same line that Applejack and made kept repeating in her mind, reminding her they didn’t want her. She wasn’t welcome here. She never was, and was stupid to think otherwise. With her hand shaking uncontrollably, Sunset was about to slash her uninjured wrists just as a hand grabbed the one holding the knife.

“That’s enough of that, sugarcube.” Applejack said, crying as she held Sunset’s wrist while looking down sadly at the girl.

“Let me go, please, just let me go!” Sunset sobbed out, not caring that the girls were surrounding her. All of them looked horrified at what they caught her doing, but she didn’t care. She wasn’t welcome here, and she intended to fix it so she wouldn’t be here any longer.

“Why, why are you doing this?” Fluttershy cried out, sitting next to Sunset and hugging her tightly from the side, sobbing into her.

“I’m not wanted here.” Sunset said softly, her voice sounding dead as she stared down at her bloody wrist as the girls winced.

“Yes you are!” Rainbow declared, yanking the white box from Pinkie Pie’s hand, the pink haired girl’s hair seeming to deflate. “We fucked up, not you!”

“I always fuck up, nothing I do will ever make up for what I did.” Sunset sobbed out, “Nobody wants me here, so why are you stopping me? Just let me DIE!”

“We are so sorry darling, we’re sorry.” Rarity cried, her own makeup running as she watched on with her hands covering her mouth as se shock her head in shock.

“Don’t cry, you’re ruining your makeup, and a lady should never do that.” Sunset mocked halfheartedly earning a very unladylike snort from Rarity.

“I don’t give a fuck!” Rarity snapped out, “We, I drove my friend to this! I’m no lady, I’m an ungrateful bitch!”

“Look Sunset, we really are sorry.” Rainbow cried, holding Sunset’s bloody wrist in her hand tightly as she wiped the blood away from the cuts before wiping them with an alcohol pad. “We should never have treated you the way we did. We do love you Sunset, we do want you around.”

“We love you Sunset, you’re our friend.” Fluttershy sobbed as she held onto Sunset as if she was a life preserver.

“No I’m not, if I was, then at least one of you would have believed me. I’m just some charity case to you thanks to Princess Twilight.” Sunset hiccupped, her sobs subsiding a little as she felt so dead inside.

“Sunset, I’m sorry we took your smile.” Pinkie Pie finally said, her voice so low it was hard to hear. Sunset heard it, but refused to listen. She couldn’t afford to listen, to have this happen again.

“I don’t think you will need stitches, but I can’t be sure. You actually didn’t cause too much damage, but you bleed easily.” Rainbow explained as she wrapped a bandage around Sunset’s wrist. “Look Sunset, I know what we did was horrible. I don’t know if we even deserve your forgiveness or friendship after what we did. What I do know is how much we love you, and how much we would miss you if something happened.”

“We all have fights, sugarcube. It’s what being human is all about, but we shouldn’t have turned you away so easily.” Applejack said, rubbing her arms as she shifted back and forth nervously.

“My pinkie sense said someone was hurt, so I grabbed our first aid kit and ran straight here.” Pinkie said, “I’m so sorry we didn’t stop you from even leaving. I want to see you smile again, Sunset. Your smile always makes me smile.”

“You being our friend always makes me smile.” Rarity said, smiling a little through her tears. “Just knowing that we have such a wonderful friend as you gives me confidence to face the world.”

“Please Sunset, please don’t leave us!” Fluttershy cried, “Please, I’ll do anything you want, just please don’t leave us.”

“How do I know I can trust you?” Sunset asked, tears still falling, but her sobs stopped for now. A part of her wanted to trust them, needed to, as they were her only family here. They just hurt her so much, almost destroyed what little hope she held within her.

“You can’t, not right now.” Rainbow Dash sighed.

“All you can do is take things as they come, day by day. Please give us that time to show you that we love you. That we need you.” Fluttershy begged, looking up into Sunset’s own. It hurt, it really did, and it was something she couldn’t deny. Yet the look on Fluttershy’s face, the look on all of their faces, all showed their remorse and sincerity at wanting her there.

“I’ll try.” Sunset sighed, meaning it, even if it scared her. She didn’t think that her heart could survive being hurt like this again, but the group hug that the crying girls centered around her restored some of the hope she thought was gone forever. She could feel the love radiating from them, and it gave her hope that just maybe things would be ok.