Chapter 27- Good Ponies Go to War

The light streaming in through the open ramp leading into Buttons lair hurt my eyes. After years growing accustomed to the eternal night of Whinnyappelous, the light of Celestia’s dawn fell harsh upon me. This feeling only intensified when I remembered that it was my fault that it was happening in the first place. I was the one that shattered Luna’s spell. I was the one who brought the searing light of the sun into a city that took comfort in the shadowy night.

Buttons was gone, and so was his army. We had already ruined the plans he had in place with Dr. Double, the mad pseudo-alicorn geneticist, currently lying in a million pieces upstairs. I was thinking that Buttons must be desperate, he’s moving on his own, with however many minions he has, to try and take the castle by force.

At first I thought that it was a foolish move. That Luna’s police force, the Night Watch, would mobilize and intercept him long before they reached the palace. But as I squinted in the glare of the rising sun, I realized that he just might have a chance after all, and that it was all my fault.

“The sun,” I said aloud, not realizing I had spoken.

“What about it? You broke Luna’s spell. But she can recast it when this is all over.” Moonlight says, trying to make me feel better about it.

“No, you don’t understand. I’ve given Buttons an opening.” I quickly explain what I mean. “Think about it. Right now all the ponies, griffons, diamond dogs, changelings, and every other being in the city is seeing dawn for the first time since Luna took over the city. Aside from the Undercity, night has been banished from Whinnyappelous. People are going to be confused. People will panic. There will inevitably be rioting, looting, and every other problem that occurs when large groups of citizens succumb to paranoia of the unknown. Luna’s Watch-houses will be swamped with people demanding answers, and the ones in the street will have their hooves full trying to maintain order. Buttons can just march his cyber ponies right down the street to the palace and lay siege, and it’s ALL MY FAULT!” I say, smashing my hoof into a nearby table, crushing it with my armored arm.

“Hey, go easy Pop, that’s me your smashing around.” Junior says in my ear.

“Sorry,” I whisper back.

“We don’t have time for self recriminations,” Ebon Shard says, as he begins checking over the contents of the room. “We need to see what we can find in here. Information on his creations, weapons capabilities, vulnerabilities, anything we can find to give us an edge in fighting them.”

I snap out of my momentary self anger. “You’re right. Everyone spread out and search. Look for anything we can use. We need to get after them as soon as possible.”

“My little guys can help.” Junior says from my back. Quickly my armor disappears and returns to the large black command bug on my back. It detaches itself and moves to a corner of the room, where the thousands of returned nannysprites once more spread out from it following their new commands to help us search.

“That is incredibly creepy.” Moonlight says, stopping her search for a moment to watch.

“You get used to it after awhile,” I reply as I began sorting through papers. “Although I will admit the first time I had those thousands of bugs crawling all over me, it freaked me right the buck out.”

Moonlight shudders and then returns to her work, trying to put that mental image out of her mind. I’d wager that she might be needing a visit from Luna to keep visions of nightmare bugs swallowing her alive at bay. If, that is, she wasn’t busy trying to save her kingdom from an army of bright brass cyber ponies.

“Everypony!” Ebon shouts. “I found those schematics that I had seen when I was here before ! These are the blueprints on how the cyber ponies were built!”

Quickly Moonlight and I join Ebon at what appears to be the head engineer’s desk. On it, amid a scattering of papers, Ebon has unrolled a set of schematics.

“It’s all here,” I say excitedly, as I scan the blueprints before us. “Weapon systems, power relays, everything! Junior, you need to come over here and scan these!”

“In a minute Pop!” Junior replies. “I think I found something. Something… weird.”

“Fine,” I say distractedly, as I go over the weapon systems. Built in retractable machine guns, shock generators for close combat,some type of rockets in their hooves for flight, and… a suicide bomb built into their chests? By Celestia, these things were walking bombs. And the yield was incredible! If Buttons has enough of these made, and he gets them close enough to the palace, he could wipe it off the map! We had to get out there and stop him.

“Junior! Quit messing around and get over here! We have to get after them, now!”

“Almost done Pop, this security isn’t like what Buttons had usually- wait, got it! Now let’s see what… BY THE SWEET SAVORY CAKE ROOM OF OUR SOLAR SOVERIEGN CELESTIA! WOOHOO!” Junior shouts, causing the rafters to ring with his audio enhanced voice.

I was just about to yell at him to knock it off, when a section of the wall near him retracts, to reveal a hidden chamber. Moonlight, Ebon, and I make out way across the room, while a smugly happy command bug recalls all of his nannysprites from the control panel, and scuttles his way up onto my back once more.

I barely feel the sting of the interface, my attention has been completely drawn to the contents of the newly exposed chamber before us.

“Junior,” I ask quietly. “What am I seeing here?”

“Oh, Pop, I’m really, really, gland you asked.” Junior says with excitement. While my nannysprites were rooting around, I found a control panel that had no use whatsoever. All it’s controls were non-functional. It was obviously a fake. Inside it was a secondary control panel, with security the likes of which I had never seen. Well, you know me Pop, I just had to have a go at it. Professional pride and all.”

“Riiight,” I say, still distracted by what lay before me. I think I may have started to drool.

“So after I got through the security, I found a file explaining what this was all about. You see Brass Tacks was working on plans for space exploration. He was designing rockets, fuels, space suits, suspended animation cells...”

“We already know all that Junior,” I say trying to hurry him along to the good part. Sweet Goddess I hoped these were all functional.

“Right, well, what you DIDN’T know, until your great and marvelous partner stumbled across it, was that Brass Tacks had also been working on various types of weapons to use for self defense, in case they ran into trouble in the great unknown. In this room are the prototypes designed by Brass Tacks himself, to protect ponies from every conceivable threat he could imagine. WORKING prototypes I might add, complete with ammunition for testing purposes. And the best part is, Buttons doesn’t know anything about it. Brass kept this hidden from everypony. He didn’t even inform Luna yet. He was worried that she would want to use some of them for her Watch, and he though that they were way too powerful to be used on Equestria.”

“Way… too… powerful,” I manage to say, running a hoof along the sleek brass barrel of cosmic death sitting before me, labeled BBG-666. Yes, I was in fact starting to drool.

A hoof lightly smacked me upside the head. “What is it with colts and their toys?” Moonlight says, before offering Ebon the same treatment to break him from HIS revere. “Junior, give us a rundown on what these are, and what they can do, and lets get out of here. Every moment we waste Buttons and his army are getting that much closer to m- to Luna’s palace.”

“This one’s mine!” I say hefting up the very heavy BBG-666 in my hooves. “I don’t know what it does, but I can hear it calling to me.” I say, gently caressing its barrel. “Isn’t that right? Whose daddy’s precious little girl? That’s right, YOU are! Wanna go with daddy on a trip? See lot’s of new ponies and blow them all up? What’s that angel? You DO? Oh, you are just sooo sweet. Yes, you are.”

“Oh for Celesta’s sake! Junior, what the Tartarus is that thing anyway.” Moonlight says in disgust.

“Designation BBG, model six hundred and sixty-six. ‘The Doombringer’. Designed to be a weapon of last resort to be used in hostile alien environments of class Omega four or higher. Representing the pinnacle of Night Industries research and design, the BFG 666 is the most advanced firearm ever designed. Fully self contained and deployed as a hoof held weapon, it is capable of an excessive amount of firepower. The BFG 666 contains sophisticated friend or foe technology that discriminates targets in real time.

Each projectile contains a small but very powerful magical shard that actively maintains targeting and delivers a stream charge down each beam to soften targets before detonation. The detonation stage of the projectile is devastating. Targets within 15 meters of the flashpoint are not likely to survive. While not recommended for small quarter combat, the BFG 666 is ideal in the field and against multiple targets. The only foreseeable defense is small arms ballistics. If the projectile is destroyed before exploding, the magical shard cannot process the final fusion reaction, resulting in a ‘less than optimal’ detonation. The weapon is recommended for medium to long-range combat, as firing at a target up close will severely damage the user due to the weapon's blast radius. Moreover, the longer the projectile exists undetonated, the longer the time it will have to attack other enemies within the vicinity with its rays. The BFG is also recommended for usage in areas with heavy enemy presence due to its targeting system, as the other weapons specialize more in single-enemy combat. Caution, do NOT overcharge the weapon, as it can overheat and explode, killing the user instantly.”

“Precious, my precious,” I say holding onto it tightly. “It wantses to be used yes, yes it does.”

“Oh knock it off,” Ebon says, a hint of jealously in his voice. “And what exactly does BBG stand for anyway?”

“Big… Bucking… Gun.” Junior replies deadpan.

“Of course it does,” Moonlight says while facehoofing herself. “And what are all these others then?”

“Most of the small arms were made to be used in different atmospheres and gravities. But there are a few other weapons that you might be interested in. This one,” Junior says, “The Farsight rifle, is a hybrid of an X-ray scanning device coupled with a rifle that can shoot through solid objects. The scope can lock onto and track life sources, though the device does not pan as fast as a running enemy can move. The Farsight XR-20/20, is a very powerful railgun that can fire through any wall or other obstacles. The primary mode is aimed manually. The X-ray sight means the user can see, and fire through walls for targets. Be aware that while zoomed in, it's impossible to see things near you. The secondary mode actively seeks out and tracks targets while aiming. However it does this slowly, and can be outrun.”

“Mine, all mine, no swapsies!’ Ebon says, as he quickly snatches up the oiled blue weapon, sticking his tongue out at me the whole time.

“Don’t pay attention to him baby, he’s just jealous.” I say softly to my BBG.

“Ahem, also we have several of Dr. Brass’s prototype plasma grenades, as well as these.” He says, pointing to yet another set of futuristic weapons. “The ‘Selective Concussive Relativistic Pummelers’. Or known colloquially as ‘Sucker Punch’. These close combat weapons each have twin M.I.S.P. pistons, which are controlled by hoof grip, inside the armored gauntlets. When activated, each gauntlet has enough concussive power to punch a pony sized hole though a reinforced concrete wall. Designed for use primarily in close combat situations, these gauntlets can turn even a non-earth pony into a one being wrecking machine.”

“Oh I can think of SEVERAL uses for these.” Moonlight says, grinning wickedly, as she steps forward to claim her prizes.

In my ear Junior whispers, “I’ve also taken the liberty of making copies of all the schematics on these weapons for future upgrades to my systems.”

“That’s my boy,” I whisper back. “Prioritize the manufacture of ammo for my Big Bucking Gun. I noticed that it only came with three rounds.”

“You got it Pop. Major destruction is my favorite hobby.”

“Alright, we’ve got some new toys to play with. Let’s grab those schematics and get out of here. Who knows how close Buttons has gotten to the palace by now? We need to catch up to them as fast as possible.” Moonlight says anxiously.

“Actually,” Junior pipes in, “I think I can help with that as well.”

A beep chimes on the control panal and yet another hidden door slides open. Inside it is a four wheeled vehicle. It had large knobby tires made of rubber, no doors, and a roll cage on top which sported a multi-barreled M.I.S.P.P.L. machine gun. And of course the entire thing was made of bright and shiny brass.

“It looks like a Puma. A shiny brass Puma.” I say staring at the gleaming metal.

“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s clearly a warthog, see how the roll bar on front looks just like tusks?” Ebon replies.

“Oh for the love of Luna, will you two just shut up, get in, and get the heck out of here?” Moonlight shouts in frustration.

“You two take the… whatever it is,” I say.

“Space rover, Pop. It was meant to explore aline terrain.” Junior supplies.

“Rover? Sounds a bit racist toward diamond dogs. I still think it looks like a Puma. But whatever. You two take the ground transport, Junior and I will attack from above.” And with that I deploy my wings and Juniors jetter engines send us soaring into the air and out of the bay doors.

“I gotta say son, these new wings and engines sure put out a fair turn of speed.”

“Yeah Pop, only thing is, when we hover in place we lose a LOT of maneuverability compared to the old Pegasus or bat wing style of flight.”

“Can your armor compensate for that? Can we handle taking hits from these new cyber pony guns?”

“Yeah, we can handle multiple rounds for a short period of time no problem. And given time my nannysprites can repair whatever damage we take. But if we are stuck in a sustained barrage for more than a few minutes, we’re going to be in trouble. Those cyber ponies carry some sort of armor piercing rounds. Nasty stuff.”

Junior sounded worried. And Junior NEVER sounds worried. I was beginning to wonder if we could handle what we were rapidly flying into. Then Junior went and made me feel worse.

“Um… Pop.”

“Yeah son?” I asked, hearing uncertainty fill Junior’s voice.

“Um. You know how my systems use a variant of bat pony echo location to help identify targets and to navigate in close quarters?”

“Yes son. Very useful. I am guessing that you have located the enemy?”

“Um… yeah, you could say that.” Junior replies. Did I hear a tremble in his voice?

“Junior, if you have bad news, best to just go ahead and spill it. That way we can plan for how to deal with it as a team.”

“Right. O-of course. Whew. Okay, here goes. So my sonar is picking up roughly five hundred or so cyber ponies approximately one point seven five miles ahead on a direct course toward the castle.”

“Five hun- Sheesh, no WONDER you sound worried, that’s going to be a problem. A big problem. I thin-”

“No Pop.” Junior interrupts. “That’s NOT what worries me.”

“Five hundred cyber ponies armed to the teeth isn’t what’s worrying you? Sweet Celestia! I’m not going to like this am I?” I say, bracing myself for the worst.

“No Pop, you really aren’t. See marching along with them is… um… well... well, it’s pony shaped, but… um...”

“Pony… shaped? Okay son, out with it already.”

“It seems to be a vehicle of some sort. That is Pony shaped. It seems to be using the same technology as the cyber ponies artificial limbs. According to my scans, all the controls are routed to a cockpit in the ‘head’ of the pony.”

“Controls in the ‘head’? Junior just how big is this fake pony for someone to be able to ride in the head of it?”

“It is approximately one hundred and fifty hooves tall, and it’s body is proportionate to it’s height.” Junior replies weakly.

“One hundred and fif- Junior, that’s ten stories tall!” I all but shout.

“Yes Pop, a ten story tall metal pony, armed to the teeth, and piloted by Brass Buttons himself. For what it’s worth, I am also detecting the mostly metal pony known as Merciful Solace inside as well. And they are leading their army of cyber ponies right toward Luna’s front door.”

“Sweet Celestia! Junior we have to fly back and let Moonlight and Ebon know what we’re up against. We need to figure out some sort of plan.”

“Way ahead of you Pop. That rover they are in has a two way ponaudio system. I’m patching us into it even as we speak.”

Seconds later Junior had established contact, and I quickly filled them in on the location and nature of the threat we were about to face. Sadly Junior confirmed what I had already feared. That my on-board armaments were just too low yield to do more than cosmetic damage to something that size. Ebon’s gun was looking like our best bet to take it down. If he could sever the linkages in the legs of the machine it should just topple over. But I doubted Buttons would just sit idly by while he did that. It was going to be up to me to distract them while Ebon did his thing. Meanwhile Moonlight would try to get ahead of them in the Puma (that’s what I’m calling it, no matter what the other two say), and try to hold back the cyber ponies with the turret gun until Ebon and I could return and help her.

I must admit, as far as plans go, this one was crappy. Even by my standards. But time was running out, and none of us could come up with anything better. So while my two friends raced away looking for a good sniper point for Ebon, I flew up into the clouds and made my way as fast as I could to cut off the approaching army.

Fortunately for me, the people of Whinnyappleous were all streetwise and knew trouble when they saw it. There wasn’t a pony, griffin, or dog to be seen on the streets ahead. That meant we could throw down for real, and not worry about any innocents getting hurt. Of course, finding an ‘innocent’ in Sin Whinny is like looking for a virgin in a co-ed campground. “Highly unlikely’ would be putting it mildly. Still, these were all citizens of Equestria. And it was my job to protect them or die trying. And after the last time I died, I REALLY wasn’t looking forward to doing it again any time soon, so I’d better bring my ‘A’ game, or what was left of it, to the table. Gods I really wish I had a spare Omega rune right about now.

“Pop, we are now almost directly over Buttons’s giant pony robot. But...”

“Junior, what’s wrong? Does he have some way to detect us this high? I felt sure the cloud cover would be enough without engaging ‘stealth mode’.”

“No Pop, it isn’t that. It’s… there’s some kind of… sound. I know your pony ears can’t hear it, it’s really high pitched. But it’s modulating… a strange rhythm, very… soothing?”

Oh sweet Celestia, no! “Pull up Junior! Go higher, as fast as you can!”

“O-okay pop. I’m… on it.”

Tense seconds pass as we fly straight up into the sky. From the height the morning sun is blinding once more. As we are bathed in it’s warm light Junior finally speaks to me once more.

“I-I’m okay Pop. I can’t hear it anymore.”

“Oh thank Celestia! I thought I lost you there for a second. Stupid weakness to music. But how in the world did Buttons know? All information about nannysprite armor is a closely guarded secret.”

“Well Pop, I don’t think he actually DID know. See remember when we found out how the brains of cyber ponies were being protected by a Oscillating Harmonic Matrix?”

“Yeah, but only their brains, the bodies of cyber ponies were too small to carry a shield generator large enough to protect the whole… By the Sky Stallion! You mean to say that Buttons has protected his giant pony-bot with the same kind of shield?”

“I think so Pop, and judging by the range of sound waves emanating from it, I would say that the shield generator he is using must be HUGE. Plenty big enough for him to protect the entire machine.”

I needed to see this. If this was true I had no idea what we were going to do about it.

“Junior, find me a clear patch of sky, engage stealth mode, and fly us as close as you can without being affected.”

“Will do.”

It took us very little time to fly ahead of the slow moving machine. Brass Buttons army of cyber ponies were marching well ahead of it, still on course for the palace. We got about a half mile ahead of it before Junior said he couldn’t get any closer without beginning to feel the effects of the harmonic.

I had him maintain that distance and used his imaging abilities to zoom in for a closer look at what we were dealing with.

“Dear Goddess, the EGO of that pony.” I muttered aloud.

Buttons had made his pony bot in his own image. One might have argued that it was his brother, Brass Tacks that had built this technological achievement, save for the fact that proudly displayed on both of it’s metallic flanks, was Brass Buttons’s cutie mark.

“Look down at the street Pop, in front of where it’s walking.” Junior said, pulling me back from my thoughts.

It only took a moment to see what he was talking about. Each time his machine took a ponderous step forward, anything that was in it’s path was instantly vaporized. That must be the outer edge of his shield. It looked to extend no more than a few hooves out from it’s metal body. Very close, almost form fitting.

“Junior, you can detect the sound waves coming off of that thing. Any way to tell if any of that pony bot is unprotected, or any spots where the shield is weak?”

“Sorry Pop, I already tried that. There are no gaps or weaknesses in the shield. It’s a perfectly impenetrable dome, that surrounds the pony-bot completely. If anything comes in contact with it as it moves, it is completely ripped to atoms.”

“Is there any way to overload it?” I asked as I watched it wade between sky scrapers in it’s slow trot down main street. “What if we dropped a building on it?” I mused.

“I don’t think it would work.” Junior replied. “It would be like dropping an ice cube into a smelting furnace. It wouldn’t even scratch it.”

“So Ebon’s gun?”

“Useless,” Junior said sadly. “Pop, I think… I think we lose.” Junior forces the words out. “I can’t come up with any way to beat this thing.”

“Son,” I say, forcing confidence into my voice, “we haven’t lost while we are still able to think and fight. Patch me through to Ebon and Moonlight.”

Moments later I have filled them in on the situation. We decided to get them up ahead of the army as well, and make an effort to at least take out the cyber ponies, until one of us came up with an idea on how to handle the pony-bot. By now the cyber ponies were the better part of a mile ahead of the ‘Buttons Bot’, plenty of room for me to land safely beside my two companions and join in the battle.

When I landed, Moonlight was on the turret gun of the ‘Puma’, and Ebon was laid out ‘sniper style’ on the hood. I considered using my BFG, it would be perfect for this kind of fight. But it only had three rounds of ammo, and I wanted to save them just in case we found some way of getting through Button’s shield.

“Junior, what have you got for me to use against cyber ponies? I know our standard armaments aren’t going to do much good.”

“I’ve managed to generate two hundred armor piercing rounds for our M.I.S.P.P.L’s, and nine plasma grenades from the schematics we found in the lab. BFG ammo will take far longer than we have. There’s a magical component in them that is really hard to replicate. All our other weapons won’t really be of any use, so after these are gone we’ll have to go hoof to hoof.”

“Gotcha.” I say priming a grenade.

“And remember Pop, their heads are protected by tiny shield generators. So don’t waste time shooting them in the head, or trying to punch them there.”

Crap, I had almost forgotten about that. That and something else.

“Wait Junior, didn’t those schematics say they were carrying bombs in their chests? Can we set them off?”

“No can do Pop, those things are two part bombs that will remain inert unto their components are mixed together. I imagine that Buttons has them programmed not to do so until they reach the palace, and then they will probably try to suicide bomb it. This strategy has a probability of 89%”

“Interesting, and the other 11%?” I ask.

“Ah, well, there’s an eleven percent chance that they will detonate themselves on contact with an enemy.” Junior admits reluctantly. “But that’s a really small chance,” he adds, “and would be a stupid waste of a soldier.”

“Junior, we are talking about a pony who builds a giant robot version of himself, complete with cutie mark. Stupid doesn’t even come close. Could we survive an explosion of one of them up close?”

“Uh, if you mean ‘we’ as in ‘you and me’, then yes, we could survive ONE explosion. I repeat, ONE explosion, although we’d most likely take heavy damage from doing so. Also there is no way our friends would survive, nor could we handle it if more than one of them went off. Still, I feel confident in the 89% chance that they wont explode.”

“I see.” I said, looking at the approaching mindless horde. “Junior, take a letter.”

“What? A letter? Now? And how am I supposed to send it?”

“You wont. Just take down what I am saying, and then make a small little box inside yourself to put it in. Make it as indestructible as possible. Got it.”

“Pop, you’re starting to scare me, but okay. I’m ready.”

“Dear Twilight Sparkle, if you are reading this...”