“The prosecution calls Trixie Lulamoon to the stand.”

From the crowd in the packed courtroom rose a cyan unicorn with a silvery mane, a cape clasped around her neck with a jeweled collar. She slowly walked to the witness booth, her head held high as over a hundred ponies stared at her. She showed no fear and never lost her dignity as she quietly ascended into the witness stand. Long Arm didn’t envy her—nopony deserved to have these sorts of secrets aired in public.

“Ms. Lulamoon,” Long Arm began. “Could you please tell the court what you were doing in the Ponyville marketplace on July the 5th of this year?”

“I was shopping for a new clasp for my cloak,” she said. She did not elaborate, and her words were clipped. A slight narrowing of her eyes at Long Arm told him all he needed to know about how she felt about him and the witness box. He’d known that was coming, but it still frustrated him to see it.

“Were you there with anypony?” Long Arm asked. Of course, he already knew the answer from the deposition.

“No,” she said. Again, her words were blunt, and her tone unfriendly.

“Please describe what happened at 2:14 that afternoon,” Long Arm asked. “Be specific—what were you doing, and what was the first thing you noticed that was amiss.”

“Trixie,” the witness began, “was haggling with a merchant over the price of a new clasp chain when she heard loud conversation. Trixie does not recall what was said. But when Trixie turned to look, she saw Princess Cadence, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, and Prince Armor emerging from the new wine bar up Ponyville’s main street. It was Princess Cadence who was speaking, quite loudly, and she seemed to have had a few too many drinks.”

“Objection: speculation,” chimed in Loop Hole.

“Sustained.” Celestia coughed. “The jury is instructed to disregard that comment.”

Trixie snorted, evidently caring little for Celestia’s thoughts on the matter. “She was speaking much louder than one normally would, was laughing profusely, and seemed a tad unsteady on her hooves.”

“Go on,” Long Arm urged. “What happened next?”

“Her horn started to glow a particularly unpleasant pink color,” Trixie continued. “Twilight bravely attempted to push her head to one side, but before she could, a bright pink beam of light shot from Cadence’s horn.”

“And the beam passed through Twilight, is that correct?” asked Long Arm.

“Yes.”

“And the beam passed through you as well, is that correct?” he continued.

“Yes.”

“And then what happened?” Long Arm asked, turning to glance back at Cadence. She was scribbling on her legal brief, though he had no idea what she might be writing.

“Nothing happened,” Trixie answered, with a small shake of her head. “The spell didn’t do anything.”

Of course, Long Arm knew she would say that, and had his next move prepared. “And what happened immediately after that?”

“Trixie approached the group, and demanded to know what that awful witch Twilight Sparkle was doing ruining Trixie’s day, and why she had to bring her stupid Princess friends with her!” Trixie upturned her nose, giving a little toss of her mane. “Twilight may have all the glamor and status, but Trixie has true talent.”

“So you verbally confronted her,” Long Arm pressed.

“Obviously!” Trixie hissed, her stoic act starting to show cracks.

“And then what happened?” Long Arm slowly wheedled, keeping the pressure on.

“Twilight had the audacity to assert that I—that Trixie was nothing more than a petty showmare!” Trixie’s tail lashed sharply. “I had no choice but to defend my honor, and so I challenged her to a magical duel!”

“Lame. Episode rehash,” said one member of the jury.

Long Arm glanced at the jury box, and then back at his witness. “And how did that duel end, Ms. Lulamoon?” Trixie paused, turning her head to the side and saying nothing. “Ms. Lulamoon, answer the question.”

“Trixie... may have won by unorthodox tactics,” she said slowly. “When Twilight attempted to cast a spell negating all of Trixie’s magic, Trixie lept forward to engage her in melee like the proud adventuring wizards of old.”

“And then?” Long Arm said.

“Trixie pinned her, obviously!”

“And then?” he rose his voice slightly, drawing the response out of her. Finally, Trixie snapped.

“And then Trixie kissed her!” she blurted out. “Because of her stupid wings and stupid crown and stupid training and stupid friends and stupid smile and her stupid sexy rear!”

A gasp ran through the courtroom. The jury sat up and looked interested. In the front row, Twilight Sparkle blushed, looking down at the floor and folding her wings about her.

“Did you then go home with Princess Sparkle?” Long Arm asked. Trixie only nodded. “And that doesn’t strike you as odd in any way? That so soon after getting hit with an unknown spell you would assault and then go home with a pony from the marketplace?”

“Trixie’s feelings on Twilight have always been complicated!” Trixie hissed. “She humiliated Trixie in Ponyville, and then again with the Alicorn Amulet! Trixie has true talent, but all ponies can ever do is compare her to the new Princess. Twilight ruined Trixie’s life and Trixie hates her for it!” Trixie’s voice rose, and she belted out the last few words in a harsh snarl.

“But...” she paused. “Twilight also showed Trixie mercy after the Alicorn Amulet, after Trixie had been so terrible to her. And there’s just something about her. She has inspired Trixie to work harder than ever studying magic, and... and well. You can’t deny she has a certain...” Trixie flicked a bit of her mane with her hoof. “Physical appeal.”

“I think you’re cute too, Trixie,” Twilight whispered.

“Trixie doesn’t care what you think!” Trixie shouted, her voice rising over the sudden wave of whispers and speculation that ran through the courtroom. “Not even one bit! At all!”

“So you two have maintained a relationship since then?” Long Arm asked, his mouth twisting into a frown as he watched the two of them.

“We do not have a relationship.” Trixie shook her head. “We merely encounter one another on a regular basis on the magical field of honor. Wizard against wizard!”

“Do you go home with her after?” Long Arm asked.

“Trixie only does it because Twilight makes those cookies she likes!” Trixie insisted. A few ponies in the courtroom raised their hooves to their faces in shock, or turned away. “Trixie would never... like, such an irritating creature as Twilight Sparkle!”

“No further questions,” Long Arm shook his head, returning to his table. Quietly, he pitied Trixie, forced into denial by magic and then forced again to reveal that shame in front of a crowd.

“The defense may now cross examine,” Celestia said. Again, Cadence whispered into her lawyers ear. Slowly, he rose from the table, approaching the witness box.

“Ms. Lulamoon,” he opened slowly, “how would you describe Twilight Sparkle’s tail?”

“Like a wet dish rag somepony glued to her butt!” Trixie growled. Loop Hole said nothing, and after a moment she relented. “Though it is a bit... lustrous. When she flicks it just so. Trixie could never seem to keep her tail so bright.”

Cadence let out a high-pitched squeal, the pace of her writing increasing. Loop Hole shook his head. “No further questions.”