I have never understood the phrase "fights like a girl."

You know it's often said by stallions as an insult to other stallions. A statement that tries to degrade your opponent as physically or mentally weak.

"You're a girl," your opponent is implying. "Girls are weak, and therefore inferior."

People who think girls are weak and inferior have obviously never had 75,000 tons of girl plow into them at 500 miles per hour and hit the side of a cliff face.

I do not remember anything between the moment I hit the cliff and waking up in the hospital bed. Well, I have a vague memory of Applejack saying something like "I aint never seen anything like it! The wave just hit the cliff then drew back. Then all of the sea water came back slowly and normal-like." But then I blacked out again.

I was apparently found at the foot of the cliff, about a half a mile away from the site where Fluttershy and I had gone to speak to Mother Nature. Well, she spoke to me all right. I've said time and again that I can't die, but I can feel pain and be injured. When I was found Twilight made Rainbow Dash hold Fluttershy back so she wouldn't have to see me. I was broken beyond recognition. Twilight set to work immediately with healing magic, and that was enough to reassemble some of my bones, but in the end, I needed actual manual care and was gently carried back via unicorn magic to the Anugyptian hospital.

Once in hospital and I was awake I wasn't what you would call a model patient. The fact that so many of my limbs were mismatched anyway meant the doctors had trouble deciding how best to fix my broken body. I drifted in and out of consciousness. Or maybe that was the drugs. The lovely, lovely drugs...

Ahem.

I remember having visitors. Twilight and Fluttershy especially. Twilight reading to me, though I don't remember which book, or any of the words. Fluttershy kissing the pad of my paw and saying she wanted me to get well soon.

One day I was well enough for visitors without the drugs. I still felt horribly sore, but it was nothing like the agony I had felt shortly after arriving in hospital.

I was lying on my side when Twilight came in to say hello.

"Hey, Sparklepoo," I croaked.

"How are you feeling?"

I grinned. "Like I got hit by a tidal wave."

"Touché."

"We have to catch the boat back to the coast and get on a ship to Equestria, but the doctors say you should be okay in another few weeks. I'll make sure your travel arrangements back are comfortable."

I went still.

Twilight looked confused, then recognition sparked in her eyes.

"You're not coming home?"

"Is it necessary that I do?"

"What about Fluttershy?"

"Oh, she's better off without me there clogging up her life and making things difficult."

"Does she know how you feel about her?"

"No, I haven't told her."

"I don't believe it. After all you've been through--both of you! You knew how much it hurt her when you left, and you're not going to come back with us?"

"Mare, please. It will hurt her far worse if I go back with you guys. How do you know I won't pull a Tirek again? How do you know my chaos magic won't tear a hole in the universe because Princess Celestiarrgh and Moon Moon want to reign me in? How do you think Fluttershy is going to feel then?"

"I'm sure the Princesses will be willing to forgive and forget once they've heard what you did to save us."

"I'm sure their platitudes will be graciously accepted by the public. Perhaps I'll get "Discord, shoo!" and "Discord, you are just the worst" every 2 days instead of every 2 hours."

"I am the Princess of Friendship. I will make sure that your bravery is known and that you will be given a proper welcome back to Equestria. Your chaos magic will likely be integral to mending the bonds between the ponies and Nature."

"Twilight, maybe that crown is on a bit too tightly and it's restricting blood flow to your head, but in case you haven't noticed, I just got my ass kicked by Mother Nature. I'm in a friggin' hospital bed.

"Discord, please reconsider. You have friends in Equestria. We're your friends, despite what you think. Fluttershy is your best friend."

"And that's why I can't go back," I said.

"You're not going to budge on this, are you?"

"I'm as stubborn as a mule, but definitely sexier."

Twilight ignored my joke. Her ears drooped a little. "I'll...I'll tell the others you aren't coming home. But, Discord?"

"Hmm?"

"I don't think Fluttershy is going to be okay with this."

"She will." I insisted. "She's stronger than she looks."

One by one the others came to say their goodbyes. Rarity and Spike told me they were thinking about making the relationship official.

"Who cares what anyone thinks?" said Spike, smiling at me.

"Atta boy," I grinned.

Pinkie hugged me just a little too tightly and I managed to communicate this to her by wincing.

"Oops! Sorry!" she said.

Then lastly, Fluttershy came to see me.

She lay her head down on the pillow next to mine, so that our snouts were almost touching.

"Come home," she said.

"I can't," I said softly to her.

"I don't understand. I thought we discussed this..."

"I don't get it Fluttershy," I continued in a soft tone of voice. " Why do you forgive me so easily? You're certainly no doormat, so that can't be it. What is it that I could possibly give you that makes you want me around?"

"You're brave," she said. "You're smart, you're funny, you're all those things, but not when you're like this...when you run away. Can't you see it, Discord?"

"I'm not a very good friend to you, Fluttershy. Look at all the pain I've caused you, and that was even before I left."

"Have you learnt nothing?" she said, her eyes flashing. "What happened last time you left?"

"This is...different."

"Different how?"

I sat up, and winced at the sudden pain it caused me.

"I know what I'm doing," I said, once the majority of the pain had passed.

"That's what you said last time. Are you even going to tell me what the dog said to you?"

"No," I said, hugging myself.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want it to be true."

She didn't press any further at this statement. Instead she said: "Is there anything you want to tell me?"

Oh Fluttershy, you have no idea. I want to tell you many things, but I can't. I can't.

"Just one thing," I said.

"Yes?"

"Please...please don't hate me."

"Hate you?"

"Yes. I can cope with you being angry at me. I can cope with you thinking what I'm doing is wrong, but if you hated me...I couldn't bear it, Fluttershy."

"I could never hate you."

Oh how I wanted to cry. But I couldn't, because I knew I would just give in and go home with her. Instead I took hold of her hoof and patted it. I cleared my throat and said, "Best you get going, eh Flutters? You guys have a boat to catch."

"Discord..."

"Just go," I croaked. I didn't dare turn around. I didn't want her to see the tears forming in either my eyes or hers.

"Please," I said, my voice breaking.

She let go of my paw.

"I...okay," she said. Then: "Goodbye, Discord."

It was the same tone of voice she had used at me the evening before I had left her cottage 12 years ago. Sadness, but tinged with anger.

I'm sorry, I thought. Then she was gone.

That night I was in excruciating agony, and it had nothing to do with my bones.

I never was very good at managing emotions.

After 3 weeks I was a free draconequus. The High Jackal and Cat wanted to bestoy some sort of honorary medal on me but I told them that wouldn't be necessary. What would I do with a medal, especially with no Twilight around to gloat at?

I decided to stick with my original plan of catching a passing ship, but first I wanted to go and talk to Mother Nature, and that involved going back to the cliff face.

I sat at the very top of it, facing the sea. The breeze ruffled my fur, mane and feathers. I pressed my ear to the ground only to hear...nothing.

I tried again.

Nothing.

I don't mean there was no response. I don't mean I could feel her but she just wasn't answering my questions. I mean I felt NOTHING.

Disturbed, I snapped my fingers and conjured up a singing umbrella.

Okay, my magic still worked. I looked at a nearby white flower and snapped my fingers again, intending to turn it into red flower covered in spikes. Nothing happened.

Panicking, I went round the edge of the forest trying my magic on anything- trees, stumps of wood, rocks, frogs. Nada.

I sat down on the ground, my head hung low, my ears drooping.

My mother wasn't speaking to me. Fluttershy was gone.

I sat there all day, until night fell and the stars came out one by one. I looked up into the heavens. That was when I remembered the comet.

In all my existence, I never saw the comet again. I probably could have if I looked for it, but I never went back to search for it. Who knows where it was now.

Life's too short, girl. At least it is for everyone who isn't me.

In another 30 or 40 years Fluttershy would be gone.

That was when I realized, she wasn't the comet. I was.

I was the one who was going to go on and on through darkness and she was the one who would fade away and I would be alone, forever travelling.

Alone.

I curled up into a tight ball, covered my face with the tuft of my tail and wept.

I didn't want to be alone.

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