Wanderlust

by Captain Wuzz

Chapters

• Itchy feet
• Stay
• The First Letter
• Dog Years
• The Second Letter
• Fluttershy
• Mother Nature
• The Weathermaker
• I'm gonna suture up my future
• Botanical
• Trickster in Love
• Dust and Dirt
• All along I've been a traveller
• Motherless Child
• The Final Letter
• Pursue happiness with diligence

Itchy feet

Chaos never stays put. That what's an old acquaintance once said to me, and she's right. I'm restless by nature. You would be too if you were capable of doing almost anything and then you were told you couldn't.

I think Fluttershy was beginning to notice this. I wasn't exactly subtle of late about pouting and sighing and crossing my arms when there was nothing to do. I had also started tapping a claw on the kitchen table absent-mindedly. Okay, I was actually doing it because I knew it annoyed her bunny rabbit, but I took what I could get when it came to getting away with annoying other beings now.

“Um...”

Tap, tap, tap.

“Um...Discord?”

More tapping.

“Could you...maybe, sorta stop doing that?”

“Fluttershy, I'm just so BORED!” I outright whined.

Angel Bunny shot me an expression of triumphant gloating as I shot him a death stare.

“Well then,” Fluttershy said, “maybe it would do us both some good to go for a walk.”

She picked up Angel Bunny, who took the opportunity to blow me a raspberry as she placed him in front of his feeding bowl. I made a mental note to use a cowbell next time instead of tapping my claw on the table's wooden surface.

The Demon Rabbit fed, we ventured out for our walk, where I felt the need to run in circles every few feet or so. Fluttershy looked concerned for me -- heck, I was concerned for me-- but a week ago, after my latest stretching episode I had promised the princesses I wouldn't practice chaos magic for at least a month. That was the compromise Fluttershy had made between me and the princesses. My stretching? I'll get to that later.

I noticed we were heading into town. I didn't like going there as it meant getting glared at by passers by and I got enough of that from Fluttershy's evil lagomorph at home, but the alternative was sitting in Fluttershy's kitchen trying not to “die of boredom”. Right now, though, the idiom that came to mind was “if looks could kill.”

It wasn't entirely undeserved, mind you. Months ago I had plunged Equestria into chaos with the help of Tirek. Until he stabbed me in the back. The residents of Ponyville had not forgotten that, and I suppose I couldn't blame them, but did they have to be so blunt about it? Every time something out of the ordinary happened, even if it was just a bit of harmless fun with my chaos magic they'd tut and frown disapprovingly. Even worse was the way they looked at Fluttershy, as if by her association with me she was somehow tainted. I felt my hackles rise in seething anger at that.

The thoughts vanished quickly as they had come when Fluttershy ran ahead as she saw someone she recognized.

It was one of Applejack's many family members. Goodness, how big is that family? Does it ever stop growing?

This particular member of the Apple clan was Bramley Smith, one of the old matriarchs. She hobbled along with a cane and smiled at the pegasus, asking her how she was and how Princess Twilight and her studies were going. Then her expression darkened as she saw me.

And then: “You be careful young lady. Who knows what a thing like that is capable of around young mares.”

The nerve! Ponies always assume the worst of me. A lot of them do. It's true I am capable of a lot. Sexual situations can be hilarious. Way back before I got stoned (in the concrete sense) Celestia had one of those ridiculously boring meetings that involved numerous rulers in Equestria visiting Canterlot and discussing policy and government, and all of that other jazz that's about as exciting as plucking nose hairs. So I thought I'd shake things up a bit. I happened to know one of the royal delegates from the Crystal Empire who was a Duke,was shall we say, less than faithful to his partner.  (This was way before Princess Mi Mi and her shaggy piece of stallion meat ruled the place.)

Infidelity is a common thing among royals. They just don't admit it to anyone. All that pent up stress and having to act with decorum and propriety all the time. If only they'd be a bit more honest and let a little chaos into their lives. I digress.

I do that a lot. I am me, after all.

Where was I? Ah yes, the eminent Duke of Eqqworth. He never kept it in his pants. Well at least he wouldn't if he wore pants.  Except no one knew about this apart from him and his mistresses, and little old me of course. And he was getting away with it too, and that was just too ORDERLY for me. Yes, things were definitely running a bit too smoothly for this chap. So I hatched a plan. The obvious thing would have been to tell his wife, which would have caused home-wrecking without having to use the traditional method. There would have been enormously entertaining fights and shouting and the servants wouldn't have slept for weeks. But since the information was coming from someone like me who isn't the most reliable narrator, it might not have been plausible for her.

So instead, after the Royal dinner and the Duke of Eqqworth had a bit too many glasses of wine, I sauntered into palace as one of the guests. Except of course I wasn't in my real form. Among the mingling crowd no one really noticed me, but I made sure I had his attention. The female form I took on had curves in all the right places and I winked at him and sashayed up the stairs. I looked bammin' slammin' bootylicious, if I do say so myself. He was on me like a shot, his breath stinking of alcohol. I played along, until we were behind closed doors then just as he was getting a little too grabby for my liking I manifested as a withered old hag. You should have seen him jump! His eyes practically bugged out of his head and he went pale as a ghost as he realized the rump he had his hoof on had gone from firm to saggy and wrinkled.  Then I went one better and manifested as my true form, causing him to scream as he darted to the other side of the room. “IT'S YOU, OH GOD. NO, PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!”

“What's the matter?” I pouted, ignoring his hysterical screams and placing my hands on my hips. I posed in a provocative position that was sure to make him uncomfortable. “I thought my luscious bum was to your liking? It certainly was a few seconds ago.”

Panicking, he jumped out the window into the bushes below.  

Except I'd covered them in cow manure as soon as I clocked where he was going.

Oh, how I did laugh for DAYS at that one. I just kept replaying the look on his face over and over.  The tabloids had a field day. Well, more like a field week until they got bored and moved onto the next scandal. Honestly, they should be giving me royalties for all the copy I helped them sell.

So, yeah. I am capable of a lot, but forcing myself on another person? Sickening. How is that in any way interesting and fun if your partner isn't up for it? Where are the laughs? Ponies are always assuming things like that about me. And I'M supposedly the perverted one? I was ready to turn Bramley Smith into a snail infested sentient cabbage that spent the rest of its days rolling into trees because it couldn't see.

Fluttershy must have read my mind because she hurried me along calling out “We need to be going!” I couldn't resist looking over my shoulder and baring my teeth. That probably didn't help with regards to Bramley Smith's opinion of me, but it did have the effect of making her jump and emit a terrified squeak, which I secretly enjoyed very much.

As Fluttershy led me away she whispered, “She doesn't mean it. She's just a bit...um traditional in her way of thinking.”

“Traditional? Is that what it's called when your male friends are all assumed to be perverts? Honestly Fluttershy she was about ready to knock my antlers off with that cane. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. Maybe I need a break.”

“What do you mean?”

I sighed. “I mean, I think I need to leave Ponyville for a bit. At least until things cool off here.”

Fluttershy looked pained. I hate it when she looks at me like that. It makes me feel...things.

I got down on all fours so I was nearer her level.

“It's not you. It's not Twilight, or any of the others. Well, okay, maybe Rainbow Dash could tone it down a bit, but I want to assure you it's none of you that are making me want to leave, okay? It's just that this entire town are still massively ticked off with me for what I did, and I think it's going to take them a very long time to forgive me, if at all. Plus I can't use my chaos magic without frightening them all.”

I really couldn't. One morning I had stretched when the sun rose and I got out of bed. No, not that kind of stretching. When I stretch it's to loosen pent up magic, and if often comes out in ways I don't intend, though I'd be a complete liar if I said I didn't enjoy the results. In this case the result was the bending of space-time and Canterlot Castle ended up bending along with it, so  that the tip of the highest tower on the castle was almost touching the ground in Ponyville town square and a lot of ponies came rolling down the warped space, some of them into castle windows. Celestia's  glorious shriek was enough to shatter glass.

When Fluttershy woke up she found me rocking back and forth on the kitchen table, Angel Bunny glaring at me disapprovingly,  my paw and claw covering my mouth as I tried desperately not to giggle, though I'm sure it would have been more of a cackle if I had let loose.

But, predictably (and ponies are soooo predictable. I guess it's no surprise for a society that bases everything on Harmony) a lot of Equestrian citizens did not see the funny side. It's a good thing I had Fluttershy on hand to explain what had happened to the princesses and make me compromise. Ugh, I hate that word. Though I still think Celestia probably needed headache pills that night. Bonus.

So I knew a break was probably for the best. Not for me- I would love nothing more than to just create chaos. Turn the streets into endless cobblestones made from banana peels, create  giant sentient mushrooms that run around head-butting people, rolling the moon across the sky with my hind legs like an extremely elongated dung beetle and watching the tide down below roll with it. That would surely annoy Luna no end.

It's because if I break again, and I can't completely promise I never will, I will be disappointing the people that love and care about me. They not only gave me a second chance, they gave me a third chance. And I usually don't even get a first chance. That much is certain from the way the Ponyville residents still regard me with mistrust and anger. I can't promise I won't lash out if they continue to behave this way towards me, and especially towards Fluttershy, and I'm not sure I can bear the feelings that will come with looking at her pained  and confused expression.

So, like the moon I'm itching to roll across the sky, I better get rolling.

Stay

Celestia looked ready to skin me alive when I popped up in the throne room.

I knew what she was going to say before she even opened her mouth and I was right—an endless tirade about how I had promised not to use magic, how I had promised Fluttershy not to use magic and here I was teleporting right into Celestia's main headquarters and betraying  my best friend by breaking my word and...goodness! Was that a cuss word?

“Look, hear me out.,” I interjected as Celestia was in mid babble. “You can scream at me all you like about my using magic to get here afterwards, but at least listen to my proposal before you call on your guard dogs, and besides, I hate long train journeys.”

There was a pause, but the hardness in her stare remained.

“I'm listening...”

I took a deep breath.

“Well,” I said simply, “I've been thinking, and it's rather obvious to me that this whole reformation thing isn't quite working. I mean, I'm certainly willing to try not to use my magic, but that kind of puts a damper on your whole “Discord is now a free citizen of Equestria” thing doesn't it? Not to mention even if I was free to use my magic it would create problems--Because in case you haven't noticed, Celestia, everyone outside of the Elements hates my guts. This is an infuriatingly cruel game of limbo you're making me play. You know as well as I do the way chaos works— imposing strict rules on it are about as pointless as telling someone to stop breathing.” I practically snarled the last part of my rant.

“That's a little over-dramatic, Discord.”

“Is it? Because it seems everyone in Happy Harmony Land is allowed to be themselves, but being myself is somehow evil and wrong. Even when I use my magic for something harmless and fun it scares ponies.”

I didn't feel I was being over-dramatic at all. It actually felt physically painful to try and contain all this magic. Lately I kept feeling twitches of pain. When Tirek stole my magic I felt horribly weak. Now that I had it back and couldn't use it I felt like a pressure cooker about to blow its lid. Of course I didn't tell Miss Preening Prissypants that.

“I can't tell people how to feel. It's up to you to work on regaining their trust. They're scared precisely because you appear to be so unpredictable.”

“Chaos.” I said, holding up my pinky claw.

She nodded. “I understand. But this really is all up to you. I'm not sure what you expect me to do.”

“TELL them I'm not a threat.”

“I can't exactly write a law telling ponies how they're supposed to feel towards you. Regaining their trust is going to take some time.”

“What about a law telling ponies how they should feel towards Fluttershy,” I muttered.

“What?”

“Her kindness towards me isn't exactly endearing her to some of the townsfolk.”

Celestia looked pained. Typical. When it's one of her precious Elements who is being hated she's all morally conflicted, but not when it's dirty old Discord. I felt like a doormat someone had just wiped their feet on. Not that I didn't want her to be concerned about Fluttershy. It just reminded me that unlike everyone else, I'm not allowed to exist. Normally I pride myself on being different, on having a different rule set, but not when that difference is used to constrain me. I could feel a twitch building and I winced.

“I...I have another proposal.”

Celestia said nothing and waited for me to continue.

“I go away for a long time.”

“How long? You're usually gone for weeks at a time. Can't you just use your magic elsewhere then return?”

“I thought I could, but it's been bad lately. I think I need an extended sabbatical.”

Before I could even think of what to say next, my leg twitched and kicked out a blast of energy, which shot upwards and exploded into thousands of skittering green mice that plummeted quickly towards earth until they simultaneously all opened umbrellas and floated downward like tiny rodent versions of Marey Poppins.

I felt perhaps from the startled look on Celestia's face that maybe no explanation was needed. I was sighing a bit with relief at the temporary release the kick had granted me, but before I could hide it, she had seen the look of suppressed agony on my face. Dammit.

“Basically, I don't know when I'm coming back. Until everything...calms down.” I winced a little at the irony of those words.

“Have you told her how long you will be gone for?”

This gave me pause. I was usually gone for weeks at a time, and Fluttershy knew this. But I actually did not have a time frame in mind. It could be months, it could be years. It was pointless trying to believe everything would be hunky dory in such a sort period of time. I watched the mice run around the polished marble floor. Next time it might not be something as innocuous as mice. How long would it be before giant octopi started rampaging through Ponyville, or it started raining diamonds, which I'm sure Rarity and Spike would love, but believe me they would hurt.

“Discord, she's going to miss you terribly.”

Yes, Princess of Astuteness. Thank you for making this far easier than it already is.

“I will tell her. Of course I'm going to tell her. You've given me no choice. Until ponies start accepting that chaos isn't inherently awful then there's only one option open to me. Or at least the only option that isn't going to leave me encased in stone.”

“That was never my intention.  I don't want you back in stone, and I'm sure Fluttershy doesn't either. Your chaos magic was integral to helping us track down Tirek.”

“It was also integral to throwing you all under the bus,” I muttered. “Is the only time chaos is of any worth to you is when it's directly useful to your little schemes? Remember when chaos used to be about fun times?”

“I think you must have a selective memory, because a lot of the trouble you caused was only fun for you.”

“Like that time I rearranged the Duke of Eqqworth's bedroom antics until they were very much Feng Shuain't?”

For a fraction of a second I thought I saw a small smirk play across Celestia's lips, but I quickly rejected the idea. Borelestia wouldn't know a funny word if it kicked her on the badonkadonk.

“In any case, you don't need to encase me in stone when you have a living, breathing bargaining chip.” I was of course, speaking of Fluttershy.

“No one is a bargaining chip in all this.”

“Yes, I'm sure you're right,” I spat sarcastically, a fresh wave of agony welling up inside me. “Well, this has been fun but I really need to start packing.” I teleported before she could reply.

“Wait, Discord...the mice. Argh!”

--

The fireflies were already starting their nightly dance in Fluttershy's garden when I got back. She was standing in the doorway, the cottage light illuminating her frame. I could hear the kettle whistling.

“I don't want you to go,” she said simply.

It kind of chilled me that somehow she already knew this wasn't going to be one of my usual jaunts.

So come with me.

NO. Don’t even go there. You can’t even entertain the thought.

“Let's go inside and talk about this,” I said.

As Fluttershy took the kettle off the boil and made us tea I sat down in the comfy armchair I'd adopted as my usual perch. I twiddled my thumbs a bit, trying to hold off the chaos magic that was building very much like the steam kettle, but with no where to vent.

We sat there for a while in silence while I awkwardly sipped my tea.

Fluttershy spoke first.

“I mean, I know it's selfish of me...wanting you to stay.”

I chuckled internally at that.

“Fluttershy, heaven forfend that you of all ponies be selfish once in a while.”

It's true, that mare is probably one of the most selfless beings I've ever met. She really needs to pamper herself once in a while, and I don't mean by slapping a few cucumber slices on her eyes and going to the sauna to sit in mud with Rarity. She needs to love herself more. Get down with the boogie, stop being apologetic about everything, go out on the town and find a stallion and have some fun. She would have no trouble. Even now I don't think she realizes how gorgeous she is.  

I chided myself for thinking that last part. Not because it isn't true, but because I allowed myself to think it.

This has unfortunately been brewing for a while.

Now you definitely have to leave.

The trouble is whenever I start to like anything I can become obsessed with it, and I mean REALLY obsessed. To the point where whatever the thing I like is driven into the ground and then I never want to see it again because I have exhausted all the possibilities.

I once encountered a travelling comet while circumventing the asteroid belt of a nameless galaxy. Most comets are made of ice, but this one was almost pure static electricity. It crackled as  it glided through the blackness of space, giving off bluish sparks that left a trail behind it and after images on my retinas. It was something I had never seen before, and that, my dears is always a novelty for Discord.

I stayed with it for years, rubbing my back against it and purring like a kitten so I could feel the static electricity run through my fur. Each pop felt positively divine against my body as I curled around it. I still have no idea where the comet came from or what force had caused it to come into being, I only knew that it had become the centre of my universe. I didn't eat or sleep (I don't need to eat or sleep, but I do enjoy doing those things) I just stayed with the celestial body because it entranced me.

Eventually however, like all things I tired of the comet and left it to continue on its elliptic orbit around the sun. This particular comet had an orbit of 20,000 years. It would swing around the fiery centre of this solar system then head back out into deep space, where for huge swathes of its life it would pass nothing but black, empty void while I ran off to obsess over something else.

So you see...

I could not do that to Fluttershy.

“Listen,” I said, “You can be selfish, but right now you've got to be selfish another way that has nothing to do with me.  You've got to think about numero uno, which in case you didn't know” –I booped her nose with my paw-- “is you.”

Her green eyes were full of tears.

And you really need to stop thinking you aren't amazing because you are.

SHUT UP, BRAIN.

But of course, my brain never does anything of the sort.

“Promise me you'll do all the stuff you enjoy and do it with gusto. Go on your little animal expeditions, have lots of “you” time and for goodness sakes, tell Rainbow Dash to stop talking you into representing Equestria in high energy sports competitions. I know how much you hate them. You get that worried look in your eye whenever the topic comes up.”

“But how will I know you're okay?”

“I can still write to you,” I said.

She brightened a little at this.

“I promise I'll write. Like I always do. I'll tell you about the places I'm going and people I meet. Okay? I know what I'm doing, Fluttershy. I just have to do this.”

“Can you stay tonight?”

Twitch.

“If I'm allowed to be selfish and look out for numero uno then I at least want to spend one more evening with my friend before he disappears for who knows how long.” she said.

If I didn't know better I could have sworn the last part of that sentence sounded kind of angry.

“I...yes. Yes I can, Fluttershy.”

I felt her relax a little, then she curled up against the crook of my arm and my neck and a billion sparks of static electricity felt like they were popping down my spine.  

I'm not sure how long I sat up listening to her breathing as the fire died down, but I could see light starting to come over the hills and Celestia's sun would be making an appearance soon. Gently, I laid Fluttershy down into a more comfortable position and covered her with a soft throw. She looked peaceful, safe. She was even snoring a little. I absent-mindedly pushed a strand of her mane out of her face.

What the heck am I doing?

You know very well what you're doing. You're going away so that your best and possibly only friend doesn't have to put up with the backlash when you inevitably unleash hell. This is the best possible thing you can do. It is the only option. Do not fool yourself into thinking you can be happy here with someone who cares about you.

I was broken out of my reverie by the feeling that I was being watched. Sure enough, Angel bunny was looking across the living room at me from his basket. He pointed two tiny bunny digits towards his eyes then pointed them towards me.

“I won't miss YOU, Rabbit of Marebannog,” I muttered, as I tip toed towards the kitchen. In the pink morning light the ornaments in Fluttershy's living room looked oddly dream like. "Home is where the Heart is" said a little wooden plaque hanging above the entrance to the kitchen.

I walked out the front door before I could change my mind.

Then I got down on four legs and sprinted. Before I teleported my eyes began to stream. I think it was the cold night air as I ran. That must have been it.

----

All the pent up chaos I had been repressing, was unleashed over the Coltlantic Ocean.  The shock wave displaced several tons of water, along with hundreds of jumbo squid, fish and one very startled Great White shark who had simply been looking forward to a quiet afternoon hunting down some crunchy sea turtles. If you think sharks cannot look startled then you've never looked properly at them. They always look startled. I made sure of that when discussing the blueprints with mother nature.

I fell towards the ocean, cannonballing as I hit the brilliant aqua green surface and dove down about 30 feet, enjoying the sensation of the water engulfing me, surrounding my body and soaking into my fur and pores. I share an affinity with the ocean, it’s one of the most chaotic places I can think of. Nothing is static; everything is constantly changing, even the surface. Not one molecule of water is in the same place it was a fraction of a second ago. It's gentle enough to wash your face with, yet at the same time it can rip your face off if 10,000 tons of it comes crashing down on your beach resort and splinters the wood like matchsticks.

I stayed under the waves for what could have been a few seconds, minutes or hours, watching the fish glide past in slow motion, the sun criss crossing reflective patterns on their scales. Time, as Albert Holstein once said, is relative. He was a smart fella, that Holstein. What he didn’t count on is that while most people are prisoners of time and can’t make it go faster or slower, I can do this almost subconsciously.  It usually happens when I daydream, or when I’m too deep in thought, or simply when I’m relaxing.

I watched the startled fish try to reorient themselves and on a whim made them different colours and gave them longer snouts so that they looked more like swimming wind instruments. Then I floated upward and surfaced. There was no land in sight, and at the moment that was exactly what I needed. This was the perfect place to think.

I lay on my back with my hands behind my head, pondering my options. Where should I go first?

After weighing up the pros and cons of several places, I decided on one, but first it was time to go tickle the kraken.

The First Letter

From: The Amarezon Jungle

To: Miss Flutter Shy,

Everfree Meadows Cottage

Ponyville

Dearest Fluttershy,

I do so hope this letter finds you well.

I'm writing this while laying on a huge branch in the canopy of one of those huge silk cotton trees. I can see the Amarezon go on for for miles as I look up from my paper and the sun beats down on my back.

You wouldn't believe the things I've seen here! I know you'd like them—In fact, directly under the branch I’m resting on there is a colony of white tent bats. They are supremely fluffy and clever little things. They fold the leaf they sleep under over so it protects them from the rain, hence the name “tent bat.”  

There are beetles here that are so big they sound like motorcycles when they fly, and let’s not forget your namesake- the butterflies here are huge and very colourful too.

There's also an insect here called the Stitch Ant. They are very industrious creatures and spend most of the day stitching patterns into leaves for the queen ant. (I've enclosed an example, hope you like it!)

I will admit it hasn't all been sightseeing. After all, I went away to make sure I could practice chaos with impunity.

There's a troop of howler monkeys near here and they're exceedingly loud. They're especially noisy when they can see macaws eating something in a nearby tree that they can't reach.

Don't worry, I didn't hurt them in any way. I know that would upset you. Instead I momentarily gave them all wings so they could chase after the macaws. You've never heard such a racket! Squackers and howler monkeys! After half an hour of their squabbling I decided to revoke the wing privileges of the monkey troop, whereupon they all flung rotten fruit at me.

Do you know what the big male said to me? He said:

“EEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOORAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOCCCCCCCKKKEEEEEE!”

Which translates as something which is not fit for polite company.

Until next time, Dearest Fluttershy.

Your Pal,

Discord.

Dog Years

Shortly after I had delivered the letter to the coast via toucan, I climbed down from the huge silk cotton tree  to concentrate on my next mission.

I hadn't gone to the Amarezon just to annoy monkeys. After a few weeks of terrorizing the local wildlife, I decided to look up Xolotl, someone I used to know.

I am correct in saying Fluttershy is the first friend I've ever had. Though I knew Xolotl for a long time he wasn't really a friend, and he wasn't an enemy. What he actually was, at one point, was my lover.

Are you really that shocked? I've had my share of lovers. I am eons old after all. Actually I don't really know how I old I am. I just know that it was a very long time ago when I came into existence. The phrase that always gets bandied about (especially by Celestia) is “a thousand years ago” or “thousands of years ago.” The truth is we are all much older than that, and I am much older than Celestia and Luna both.

Xolotl was one of these ancient beings, like me. Dog-like and stocky with gnarled, twisted feet that pointed backwards, he came into existence as sickness and deformity while I of course manifested as chaos and randomness. It was really no surprise we found each other--Wherever disease and deformity goes, so does chance and chaos.

I thought he was beautiful, and I'm not just saying that because I look like taxidermy gone wrong.

Everyone and everything was afraid of him except me. How could I be afraid of someone who created such randomness? Deformity is genetic chance, and I was dazzled by it. On rainy evenings --and there were a lot of them in the Amarezon-- we'd retreat to a nearby cave and I'd nuzzle his deformed face, swat away mosquitoes and flies with my tail and tell him I loved him.

I don't think he ever loved me back, not really. He was just pleased that someone, anyone was interested in him that way, or at least came back for seconds, let alone thirds. It did help that sleeping with the manifestation of pestilence had no effect on me the way it had on others, by which I mean they left scratching their nether regions furiously.

Eventually Xolotl tired of me and pretty much told me so.

There's something I forgot to mention about the comet. It gave as good as it got, if not more so. I was pretty bedraggled when I decided to leave it. The action of rubbing my fur against an object comprised entirely of static electricity had left me frazzled and burnt. My ribs were rather visible through my skin and my eyes looked glazed.

My appearance was similar when I emerged from the Amarezon rainforest after being unceremoniously dumped by Xolotl. Though Xolotl's decay and disease had no effect on me, I had neglected myself to the point where I may as well have rolled in broken glass tipped with every plague known to ponykind.

I was much younger then and a bit stupid if I'm honest. However, it was my first lesson in how not to be so clingy and he was by no means my last.

Thousands of years later, I had a brief affair with Baast in ancient Anubgypt. In this case I think she was more into me than I was into her. In fact, I'm sure of it.

We had just started a riot in the streets of Anugypt and I was laughing with joy because there was so much chaos and shouting and I guess we were both caught up in the heat of the moment and she grabbed me and kissed me. Later on I realized what I had thought was simply an invitation to roll in the hay actually meant something more to her. I thought it had simply been an extension of the good time we were having. Not that we didn't have a good time. Baast--being a cat-- was rather loud, and what's more she liked to talk war in bed, which as you can imagine got yours truly's motor running something fierce.

“Anubis knows of your plan to...sack...the east pyramid...” she panted.

“Pssh let him squirm”, I said into her neck.

“It doesn't...ah... matter. They're coming for you.”

Then so was she.

AHEM. Where was I?

Oh yes, my point is I've had a love life, and just because I look the way I do does not mean no one was interested in moi.  My body was not a temple; it was a veritable amusement park. Yes, yes I know--Discord you dirty old dog, you horny old goat, you lascivious platypus, etcetera.

However, this time I wasn't seeking anything of the sort from Xolotl. I simply wanted to talk.

It took me a few days to track him down once I started looking. I picked up his scent near an eastern tributary of the river and followed it for a few hours, until I finally came to a place where the trees were mostly dead and rotten. The air was thicker with mosquitoes here and the water stagnant.

Xolotl's den was surrounded by bones from his last meal. Some of the bones looked deformed which means Xolotl had clearly been at work on them before eating their previous owner.

“Good morrow!” I called cheerfully.

There was a rustling from inside the den, then a crunching noise as something heavy smashed brittle bones underfoot.

Xolotl emerged from the darkness, looking as threatening and stocky as ever, his broad head and shoulders were huge and his paws were the size of  some of the nearby tree trunks in diameter.

He squinted, and then recognition surfaced on his face.

“Discord,” he said.  “Well I’ll be.”

He looked pleased to see me but I noted his tail wasn’t wagging.

He licked his lips lasciviously. “So, after all this time you’re back for more, eh? Well I suppose I could take time out of my busy schedule to accommodate you.”

I rolled my eyes at him. Xolotl had always been a massive letch. I suppose it comes with the territory when you are an unneutered dog-god.

“As stunningly attractive as I know I must be to you, I'm not here for anything of the sort. I simply need a moment of your time to...discuss something.”

Xolotl gave a non-committal snort.

I snapped my fingers and conjured up two pipes filled with Mapacho, a plant that was a hallucinogenic but that simply had a calming effect on beings such as Xolotl and myself in much the same way Poison Joke Weed does.

Xolotl took his gratefully and began to blow smoke rings.

I leaned against a log, put my paw behind my head and crossed my legs as I took a generous puff of my own pipe.

After a while Xolotl asked,“What’s that on your head?”

“Oh, this?” I said, pointing to my head gear. “It’s a pith helmet.”

“Ah yes. Last group of people I saw wearing those came through here a while back. I gobbled them up…HA HA.”

His laugh manifested as more of a bark, and ended with a dry coughing fit. I watched a spider shoot out of his throat and try to escape, dazed through the undergrowth. It was clear Xolotl hadn’t spoken to anyone in a while. Probably because he was too busy eating them.

“So,” he croaked, “if you're not here for some jollies, then what exactly is it that you want?”

“I just want to talk.”

“Talk?  There is no “just talking” with you. I can practically see the cogs turning in your head. You always were a smart one --Sometimes too smart for your own good. Oh no, I know you. You want something.”

“Hmmm, well” I mumbled while blowing green bubbles through my pipe and secretly enjoying the backhanded compliments about my intelligence, “I'll admit there is something I want, but before you get too excited, Xolly, I have to tell you it's simply information.”

“Information? And don't call me Xolly. I hate it when you do that.”

I nodded and made a mental note to call him that again in ten minutes.

“I wanted to ask you how you managed to cope with people not appreciating your work?”

Xolotl's expression darkened.

“Surely you know something of how it feels?”

“Oh, I do. But occasionally people DO appreciate chaos, even if they don't recognize it as such. For example, an oddly shaped pebble on the beach, or the fact that scientists noticed that all the finches on neighbouring islands had different shaped beaks- that sort of thing. Whereas I can't think of anyone that has ever appreciated disease and deformity.”

I smiled and let that sink in while I enjoyed my pipe.

Xolotl gave me a hard stare, but then he said “you learn not to care. Honestly, who cares what others think?”

I couldn't completely agree with this. Not because I can't be horribly callous and uncaring, but because the thought of having no audience annoyed me.

“But if someone DID appreciate your work, even though it's... shall we say a predilection that difficult to come by, and the only way you could return that appreciation was by doing less of it, and you obviously could not do that, what would be the best course of action?”

“Just WHY are you asking me this?” Xolotl growled. “It's not like you to give a damn about what others think? Who cares what they think. If it feels good, do it.”

“Sometimes I'm not so sure it always feels so good.”

Xolotl cocked an eyebrow at me then a horrible grin spread across his face.

“Wait, I get it. You've got some pretty little thing stashed away somewhere, haven't you? Goodness. When were you going to tell me? I could use a fresh meal, and maybe...other things.” He grinned, and looked almost skull-like.

I could vomit.

“I can assure you the only thing I have stashed away right now is my utter disdain for you so we can continue to have this conversation,” I snapped. “So stop wagging your tail because there are no table scraps going!”

My voice was actually edging on hysterical and I didn't know why.

I began to worry a bit. It wasn't like me to lose the upper hand in a conversation and get angry. Usually I'm the one making people angry.

“Alright, alright. Can't blame a guy for trying.”

“Don't know what you're talking about.”

“Right...”

I'd had enough. Screw trying to learn anything from this guy.  I stood up and started to take my leave, when all of a sudden a broad, twisted paw was around my throat and Xolotl's rows of sharp teeth were up against my face.

“I wouldn't leave just yet if I were you,” he said, his breath wafting over me and making me feel quite sick. “I don't think you've told me everything I want to know. You're hiding something, and you're not going anywhere until I know what...or who it is.”

“What’s it to you?”

“When you are up to something it’s always worth knowing what it is. You were always clever that way.  There might be something in it for me, and in case you haven’t noticed, pickings have been slim around here lately. I still think you’ve got someone hidden away that might make a change from the bones I’ve been gnawing on; A plump friend, perhaps? So tell me where they are, and I might let you go on your merry way.”

I snarled, extricated myself from his paw then suddenly noticed a slight movement above. The trees were beginning to decay before my eyes and I felt my ears flatten instinctively against my head from both growing fear and the blind rage that had welled up in me at the thought of Xolotl getting his filthy paws on my friend in Ponyville.

Xolotl was a magical being, like me. Unlike the clean and learned version of magic the ponies practiced, Xolotl and I possessed magical ability in its raw state, which were forces that had always existed. His domain was decay and all things rotten. Ponies don't like to think of death and decay as part of magic, but it is. If things never rotted, if things never changed or mutated, then the world would cease to be.

At the moment, however, I think Xolotl was trying to make me cease to be, and that wouldn't do at all. He couldn't kill me, any more than I could kill him, but he could make me feel pain and I definitely was not a fan of it.

When trees rot, they tend to hollow out and become lighter. However, these were huge rainforest trees and even in their decayed state they weighed tons. With no structural system to hold all that weight up they would soon fall to the ground, which was exactly what Xolotl intended.

Even though I had clocked what was happening, I wasn't fully prepared by how quickly and by how many of the trunks fell at once. Two massive trees plummeted towards me and I only just managed to get a force field up before they smashed against it, splintering everywhere and making my bones jar horribly. I barely had time to recover before Xolotl flung an entire tree trunk head on towards me. I lunged for the hollow part of the trunk and dove through it out the other side.

I rolled across the forest floor, quickly got to my feet and fired a group of tentacled potatoes at him. Before they even reached him they had wilted and fallen to the ground.

I thought fast, then made thousands of snapping turtles fall on him. An enraged howl escaped from his throat as the turtles began to live up to their namesake, but in an instant they had become shell and bone.

Porcupines, custard tarts, green elephants, they all rotted away before my eyes, so I opted for something sturdier and flung a boulder at him, which he dodged. The boulder crashed through the rainforest as the trees continued to smash everything on their way down. We wrecked entire acres of rainforest that day. Sorry, environment.

I tried sending another boulder his way, but Xolotl caught it in his mouth and smashed it easily between his teeth.

I turned his next missile into brightly coloured goo. The air was filled with the sounds of cracking and booming as the forest decayed around us.

“You were a lousy lay!” I managed to shriek as another tree trunk narrowly missed me by a hair's breadth and hit the ground with an earth shattering boom. A flock of startled macaws shot out of what was left of the tree's once rich canopy.

I was beginning to realize that no matter what I threw at him, it was going to disintegrate before me because I was dealing with a mage whose entire repertoire was the eventual disintegration of everything.

Then he charged straight towards me. In a last ditch effort, I turned the ground he was running on to ice, but this had the unfortunate and unintended side effect of having him slip TOWARDS me and the full weight of him crashed into me.

Then we were a blur of sharp teeth and claws as we tore, bit and scratched every which way we could. In a physical fight, however, Xolotl clearly had the advantage with his bulk and strength and he pinned me down against the hard ground as I felt the breath being forced out of my lungs.  

He pressed down on my shoulders as I squirmed. His breath stank. “Lousy lay was I?” he spat at my face. “Is that why you were a pathetic wreck at my door for days after I told you to get lost? The Great Discord, Master of Chaos, reduced to a snivelling mess, begging and crying for me to love you. I could snap you like a twig. A TWIG! But first...”

I felt his paw reach down.

I could have flung him off me using my magic, or melted him into a brightly coloured puddle of goo,  but in a blind panic I did the first thing that came to mind-- My knee shot up—hard—in between his legs.

Xolotl rolled off me with a howl as he instinctively grasped his now throbbing nether regions.

I got to my feet as steadily as I could muster and brushed myself off.

Xolotl was calling me a snake over and over as he writhed around on the ground.

“Well, thanks for your hospitality,” I said as soon as my breathing had returned to normal. “I would accept your offer of a return visit, but I think your dog house is a mite cramped what with that excessive ego of yours taking up all the room. Not that I blame you. I expect it’s the only company you’ll ever have again…Xolly.”

I teleported before I could hear the enraged howl I knew was imminent.

I decided I was going to wash my knee vigorously when I got back to base camp; with soap.

The Second Letter

From:

Discord, Spirit of Chaos, International Man of Mystery

Ayers Hoof

Horsestralia

To: Fluttershy, Stellar Babe.

Everfree Green Cottage

Ponyville

Dearest Fluttershy,

Well! On to the next place. I spent a while in the Amarezon but after a while I just got so DOGGONE tired of it. You know what I'm like. I can't keep still. I'm like a pony who has waited so long at the bus stop she now needs to go to the bathroom and can't stop dancing.

Enough about my bladder, how are you? I'm going to be here a little longer than the Amarezon so you can write me back at this address. There's only one Ayers Hoof, though that's not its real name. The natives originally called it Kanguru but then the ponies colonized it and lots of stuff changed. Not always for the better. This place is quite touristy now. Though I'm wondering how these tourists feel about the fact that for the last few days, Kanguru has been blue, or candy striped or sometimes a giant toaster.

But! This isn't a history lesson. I've been using my chaos without repercussions out here and I'm enjoying the hell out of it. I'm sure you know this already, but chaos isn't an inherently bad thing. For instance, there are parts of Horsetralia where it hadn't rained for years, so not only did I make it rain but rivers started flowing again.

Though I did change one of these rivers into a sea of singing watermelons.

It terrified the locals, but you know me. I just can't help being creative.

I'm delivering this to the coast via Kookaburra, so it might have taken a little longer to get to you. The toucans were much faster, even though they had bigger beaks, so I'm not sure what the Kookaburra's excuses are. Personally I think they're just lazy.

Until next time, dearest Flutters.

Your Pal,

Discord

P.S. Tell Twilight she was wrong about Ayers Hoof  being largely a reservoir for magic. It's a reservoir for raw forces that magic can't even hope to contain. I know this because Mother Nature and I used to hang and I sensed it. Mother Nature doesn't really talk or manifest herself as a separate entity, she mostly just IS. It's difficult to explain. The natives understood this but I don't think the colonial locals do. But I'm mostly telling you to tell Twilight this because I love it when she finds out she's wrong about anything! I have the data to prove it! Ha!

So tell her she's wrong, dead wrong.

Be sure to stress how wrong she is.

P.P.S.

They do a delicious fruit shake at a local cafe near here. I've been in disguise (several different disguises each time in fact) but I keep going back several times a day for it. I think it's made from singing watermelons.

Fluttershy

From: Fluttershy

Everfree Green Cottage

Ponyville

To: Discord

Ayers Hoof,

Horsetralia

Dear Discord,

It's so good to hear from you!

Thank you so much for the leaf made by the stitch ants. It's beautiful. Dr. Rose at the Canterlot Botanical Gardens says it's a “very  fine example.” She has some specimens there but they are in no way near as good condition.

We are all well here. I've been in Canterlot a lot recently as Princess Celestia wants the Element bearers there for formal occassions,  but it's always good to come home to my animal friends and curl up in front of the fire with a cup of tea.

I have been trying to have more “me” time like you suggested. I've been going for longer walks and birdwatching. I saw a ruby-throated hummingbird yesterday! Ohh, and I went to a Llamas concert with Rarity. She managed to get tickets through a client.

Twilight has been doing more research on Ayers Hoof since I told her about what you had found out about it. I'm afraid she's gotten herself in quite a tizz about it as none of her books go into forces beyond magic when it comes to that place (I can feel you grinning as you read this. You stop it, Mister!) I told her not to worry about it too much but she was insistent that she needed to learn more. Oh well!

Angel Bunny has been very grumpy lately as he's going through a moult and his fur is getting all over the place. He doesn't like being brushed even though I keep telling him it's for his own good and will make his coat healthy and shiny.

Um, what else has happened? Oh yeah, there was a meteor shower here recently. I thought of you when I looked up at the night sky. I guess you're not seeing the same sky as me as you're in the Southern Hemisphere but maybe if you told me what it looked like there that would be nice?

I have to admit I giggled a little at the singing watermelons. I wonder what Dr. Rose would think of them?

I miss you loads,

Lots of Love,

Fluttershy

P.S. Sorry if this letter contains rabbit hair, as I said, Angel is moulting!

Mother Nature

I had started off with small fry, and it was time to move on to bigger things. I was choosing places that were remote but still had a small population nearby for the simple reason that as I have stated before, I enjoy having an audience.  Chaos is meant to be seen, in my opinion.

Since I'd been in stone for just over a thousand years, the people living in Horsetralia now no longer remembered me or were long dead, so for the most part I was not worried about being discovered. There had been no record of my having been there, as the natives did not keep any examples of written word at the time.

At first there had been enquiries as to whether the water supply had been spiked. Why on earth were all the tourists and staff at Ayers Hoof seeing the natural monument in multiples of three? Why were there fish swimming through the air at the site? Why was Ayers Hoof upside down and floating 70 feet above its point of origin? These people had to be hallucinating. There had to be a cause, and the cause had to have a logical explanation.

But I had come to Ayers Hoof for another reason.

Ayers hoof is also a site where a force exists, grows and cannot be contained. I mentioned it in my letter to Fluttershy but I hadn't gone into detail about it. Basically, I said Mother Nature and I used to hang, right? Well we always have.

Some sites make me feel her pull stronger than others, and Ayers Hoof is one such place, but she's always called out to me. At Ayers hoof I found a patch of sunlight and low laying plants where time seemed to slow down; vines with tiny red flowers growing on them. I would lay among this patch of vines and they would twine around me, over my arms, around my middle, through my antler. She would whisper to me, softly at times, but firmly, and I would whisper back as I pressed myself against the earth: “Sharks should always look startled” and I would feel her force caress against me in assent.

“And moray eels should always look like they just told a joke and are waiting for a response.  And there should be brightly coloured, tiny frogs that have enough poison in them to kill ten herds of elephants. And some crawly things should have 8 or 12 or even 750 legs instead of six, just to mess with the taxonomists.”

Gentle caresses.

Not all the ideas were mine, but she was surprisingly open to the ones that were.

There's something mathematical about it that I can't quite put my finger on. I know a lot about the way this universe works--you can't break the laws of physics without knowing them all first--but Mother Nature's endless repeating yet entirely random patterns were as ingrained in me as my heartbeat and it would have taken considerable force and distress for me to break them.

She understands me, and I understand her. I am inextricably linked with her yet I don't know how or why. I just know that she never judges my chaos. Instead she welcomes it, takes it into her, and gives birth to something wonderful.

And so, this time during our congress as I lay pressed with my cheek against the ground I murmured “highly alcoholic eucalyptus leaves.”

The nature reserves took a while to catch on. At first the complaints from scratched or dazed tourists were taken to be an anomaly.

Eventually, however the rangers worked out what had happened. They didn't work out the cause but they had certainly worked out why koalas were falling out of trees, often onto unsuspecting tourists. The koalas weren't happy about landing on screaming ponies. The screaming ponies certainly weren't happy either.

I, however, was delighted with this turn of events-and no Celestia to go all pouty-faced at me!

That night I was in a surprisingly good mood as I read Fluttershy's latest letter to me. It was a typical warm and still evening at Ayer's Hoof, and Mother Nature was treating me to a spectacular view of the sky.

Dear Fluttershy,

You asked me to describe the night sky here. All I can say is unless you've been to a really dark place, there really is nothing like it.

The Milky Way moves over Ayers Hoof every night and it's like someone has taken a psychedelic jar of glitter and sprinkled it over a dark, inky blanket. I bet even Princess Luna hasn't seen nights as incredible as this.

Some nights I sit here under a tree and just watch it slowly move across the sky. It's one of the few times I'm calm, and time seems to slow down.

I thought back to before I had left Ponyville. We were laying on the grass in Fluttershy's garden. It was a warm summer night and the stars were out. Their display was no where near as brilliant as what currently lay above me, but that didn't matter to me.

“I'm sorry.”

“For what?”

“For Tirek, for everything.”

She sat up and leaned slightly forward on one of her arms, looking down at me.

“You've already apologized, Discord. I've forgiven you. You don't need to keep saying it.”

“I do.”

“You don't. I know you, and you're not a bad person.”

“I'm not a good person either,” I whispered.

I felt her hoof softly caress the side of my face and she said “that doesn't matter. You're my friend.”

That was when I first felt the urge to kiss her, and that was when I first knew I would need to leave.

I finished my letter, left it to one side for the morning kookaburra and listened to the soft droning of the crickets punctuated by the occasional thud of an inebriated koala losing its battle with gravity; then I slowly drifted off.

It may have been because she was already on my mind because of the letter, but that night I dreamt about Fluttershy. And no, it wasn't the type of dream you would want the kiddies looking in on.

She wanted me, I wanted her (badly) and we were in my sunny vine patch, our bodies tangled together along with the plant itself, imagery that for whatever reason I found maddeningly sensual. My paw and talon moved all over Fluttershy's soft curves. I couldn't get enough of her.; I was completely intoxicated.

I ran my paw gently over the sensitive area where her wings met her back, kissed her neck, moved my lips down then replaced my paw with my mouth and gently nipped her at her wing joint. She sighed with pleasure and I felt her lean back, her soft mane against the underside of  my body as...

WHAM

The cannon that had shot me out of dreamland was in the form of an extremely irate and drunken koala that had fallen directly on top of me from the tree I was sleeping under.

The Weathermaker

I remember once, when I was young, I watched a bird fishing. It dived head first into a hole in an ice pack and came up with a trout which it gorged on high up in the branch of a tree. I felt my belly growl as I watched the bird. It had been a while since I'd eaten and I wasn't really adept at  conjuring food up back then as I am now.

Me being me, I thought “I can do that! No problem!” and decided to dive head first into the hole.

My antler caught on the edge and I ended up breaking my neck in 17 places, and I don't need to tell you have quite a long neck. The bird preened his feathers a little, looked at me struggling on the ice pack's surface all bloody and broken and shook his head as he flew off. Jerk.

I have never been able to avoid doing things that are in some way, shape or form bad for me. However, next time when I saw a hole in an ice pack, I waited until a bird came along and pulled out a fish, then I pounced on the bird and stole it. Then the next time I was the bird, and I folded my wings against my body as I dove cleanly into the water and came up with my lunch. The next time I did it I was a bird with several subcutaneous fat layers under my feathers so that the dive into the ice hole wasn't as mind-numbingly shocking.

My point is, if I didn't do stupid things once in a while I wouldn't have ended up as intelligent as I am now.

I have observed a lot of beings doing things in a clever and efficient manner, but very few of those beings  had a repertoire beyond what they were good at. The fish-eating bird was good at catching fish, but he wouldn't have been very good at hunting down deer, or say, driving a forklift.  I wanted to be a good at everything, and my mother taught me how to be while I challenged her, and I think that is why she and I get on so well.

“Discord,” she would say to me (well, she wouldn't as much say it as sort of make me feel it, but for the purposes of clarity I'm going to write “say”), “I'm proud of you. That flock of locusts invading that city and the nearby crops and laying waste to everything was a stroke of genius. I love my locusts, but making them multiply in the BILLIONS, well son--you're going places.”

“Well, no one else appeared to appreciate it.”

“People don't always appreciate us, son. You will have to get used to that.”

I don't think I need to tell you that my mother, as well as being kind and gentle, could also go through periods where she needed to let off steam. In a way, this was HER version of stretching, and that meant earthquakes, tsunamis, tornadoes, you name it. I sometimes had a hand in this, and sometimes I didn't. Mostly I didn't, she did all the heavy lifting on her own. My part in it all was to add some variation. Sometimes a tornado was weak, or never touched the ground. Sometimes it blasted everything in its path out of existence. Sometimes the pegasi would fight back.

My mother was not a fan of pegasi, at least not pegasi as they are today.

Since they are mainly weather-workers, and try to regiment everything from the clouds to the hail, they mess up her work. This infuriates her, and I must admit I agree with her. Weather isn't meant to be controlled, it's meant to be given a little push and then blossom on its own. What's more interesting? A controlled breeze, or the wind blowing through your fur on a blustery day? I certainly know which one is more exhilarating.

Ponies and their ridiculous obsession with order. They miss so much. They try so hard to manage everything that they forget to live.

I knew a ranger had been tracking me for some time. I could smell him. He wasn't sure WHAT he was tracking of course, he'd just received reports of a strange animal being sighted at Ayers Hoof.

“What else?” he'd sighed wearily, as for the past 4 months he'd received sightings of floating palm trees, pink warthogs, Ayers Hoof  appearing as a completely spherical rock, and a giant cantaloupe rolling across the plains as it chased terrified sheep. He'd also had to close one of the parks down because of the drunken koalas. I was dismayed about this, as closed parks meant they had no tourists to fall onto, but on the plus side they also weren't falling onto me any more as I tried to nap.

This particular ranger's name was Spence. Like most of the ponies whose ancestors had colonized Horsestralia, he was an earth pony. With a dark mane and orange fur, he almost mirrored the swatches of the earth at Horsetralia itself.

I knew he was getting closer to finding out who I was. The natives may not have written about me, but most of the rest of the world would know who I was and what I was capable of. He knew enough to suspect that magic was involved.

I didn't want to leave Ayer's Hoof. I was having a ball. I could have wiped his mind, but I'd made a promise to a certain pony not to do things like that anymore. Blast it.

So instead, I assumed my usual form when I wanted to be incognito but not live under a rock- the same I had used when tracking down Tirek. It's true that unicorns were not commonly seen in Horsetralia, but enough tourists passed through the area so that my presence would not be an oddity.

I headed for the nearby town of Muletijulu. If there was any information to be gathered I'd hear about it from the locals there.

I wandered into a bar that was serving the usual fare and drinks for the area. Most of the locals were ponies, but there were a few kangaroos and dingoes occupying corners of the pub as well. I sat at the bar and ordered a beer. All I had to do now was wait...

*                           *                                *

I returned to Ayer's Rock at sundown. I felt drained. The locals hadn't said much. In fact, they had been downright unhelpful. Mistrustful of strangers, and I was a stranger. I'd tried striking up a conversation with the barman but he seemed rather busy.

Frustrated, I decided next time I'd go as a dingo instead of a unicorn. They'd be more likely to talk to their own kind perhaps. I'd get info out of them one way or another. I couldn't let Ranger Spence ruin my fun.

It had been a long day. I leaned against the tree I usually slept under and literally melted into a puddle with tired eyes. Then my line of vision moved across to the sky- the kookaburra had arrived  with a letter.

I leapt across to snatch it up, turning back to my solid form in mid air as I tore open the envelope.

Dear Discord,

I'm really happy to hear from you.

The night sky at Ayers Hoof sounds incredible! I hope I can see it some day. I have been looking at Jupiter with Twilight's new telescope some evenings and I can even see some of the moons.

Sometimes I wish you were here to talk to. I felt as though I could talk about some things with you that my other friends don't understand. I feel like a bad friend sometimes, because I worry that I'm not as strong as Applejack or Rainbow Dash, or as smart as Twilight or funny as Pinkie Pie. And I'm definitely not as pretty as Rarity! I know it's wrong to feel envious of your friends, but sometimes I feel like I did back in flight school...

Before I had left, and before I had stomped all over her friendship by running off to play with Tirek, she had expressed similar worries, and in typical Fluttershy fashion had apologized to no one in particular that she had felt that way.

“My dear, you worry far too much about these things. I don't think there's a pony on earth that hasn't looked at another pony and compared themselves to others. Not that you need to- just between you and me, your friends are kind of poopy-heads, but I may be slightly biased in that regard.”

She gasped a little. “They are not....p-poopyheads.”

“Oh, alright. I concede they might not be, but you have to admit they seem to be lacking in the sense of humour department, with the exception of Pinkie Pie, though I do wish she would stop calling me a big meanie.”

“Um, you did make it snow inside the Cake's shop.”

A dreamy look came across my face as I remembered that. The day's baking had been ruined, but the snowball fight between Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom and myself had lasted hours, until the Princess of Anal Retentiveness showed up, and of course Fluttershy was with her so I'd had to put everything back the way it was. Oh well.

As if on cue, I noticed Twlight coming up the garden path before Fluttershy did and I snapped my fingers. Quick as a flash I had turned into a raven and flown up into a nearby tree. Normally I was keen to annoy Twilight but I didn't feel like talking to anyone who wasn't Fluttershy that day, and a large black bird wouldn't look out of place among Fluttershy's usual menagerie.

“Fluttershy? I thought I heard you talking to someone?”

Fluttershy looked back quickly at Twilight then to me. She twigged that I wasn't going to make my presence known and said “Um, no...I just...was”

Twilight cut her off cheerfully--“Well, I've come to deliver that book you wanted to borrow.”

She pulled out a book on bird watching.

“Oh! Thanks...I've been dying to have a look at this one!”

Twilight scuffed her hoof on the ground.

“Well, actually. I've come for another reason. Princess Celestia wondered how are you getting on with Discord?”

I cawed, a sound that was suspiciously similar to the words “ goaway.”

Fluttershy ignored me and said “He's doing very well, actually. I really think he's learning to respect other pony's feelings.”

“goway now.”

Twilight seemed to have not registered my cawing.

“I really think we've turned a corner with regards to him learning that friendship is important,” Fluttershy continued. “I...I'm actually very proud of him.”

She actually beamed at Twilight.

“Uh, well...that's good to hear,” said Twilight carefully. “Just...well, Fluttershy. Princess Celestia and I know you're doing a great job and Discord does seem to have made progress, it's just...”

“Just...?”

“I-I just worry about you. I know Discord is your friend, but I think it would be wise to not forget what he really is.”

My next caw got stuck in my throat.

“What he really is?”

Twilight nodded at Fluttershy. “He's a trickster. You can't ever completely trust him. It's in his nature.”

Fluttershy practically bristled.

“Twilight, how are we supposed to make him understand friendship if we can't even be genuine about our friendship?”

“Is HE genuine about being friends? Because he has a funny way of showing it. It took me ages to get the tar out of the bath tub. I couldn't exactly just pour it all down the plughole!”

“I spoke to him about that and he promised not to do it again.”

“No, I'm sure he won't. He'll just find some other way to annoy me.”

I couldn't argue there.

Fluttershy sighed. “Look, Twilight. He is trying. I know he is. He says it's hard for him not to use his chaos magic.”

“And you believe him? Fluttershy, I know you want to believe the best in Discord, but I'm just worried about you. You are my friend, and I don't want to see you get hurt.”

Fluttershy looked torn. “I know. But I think you all need to give Discord more of a chance. He's been alone for a long time.”

Twilight smiled sadly at  Fluttershy. “You really are kindness personified,” she said and hugged Fluttershy goodbye.

I waited until she was out of earshot.

“See, I told you your friends didn't like me very much,” I said from my branch.

“ You aren't very nice to them either. Maybe if you made more of an effort, I think if you just give them time, they will come to realize that your chaos isn't all bad. Like when you made my animals talk to me.”

“Well, I didn't so much MAKE them talk to you as allow you to understand them, but you seem to do that pretty well without the power of speech. And besides, truth be told I sort of don't care what your other friends think of me.”

“Does that mean you don't care what I think?”

I flew down to her and perched on her shoulder.

“Not you, my dear. I care very much about your opinions on my chaos. Especially concerning moi. Can we talk about moi some more?” I teased, then pulled strands of her mane out of her face with my beak. She tried to look stern with me but ended up giggling.

Just under a year later I would betray her.

I continued reading the letter:

I really want to feel more confident, and I know I've improved over the past few years, but somehow I'll always feel like that filly that fell from the sky. It's really hard to forget the things that happened to me back then while everypony else seems to not give it a second thought. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I love my friends, and they seem perfect, and it's exactly because they seem perfect that I feel I can't talk to them about things that feel...imperfect. Does that make sense?

It did very much make sense.

You don't mind being not perfect. I wish I could do that sometimes- not care too much about how I come across and just be content to look after my animals and read quietly and not have to worry that any pony thinks I'm weak and not worth anything.

I just see how confident Rarity and Twilight are around stallions and I never really have been. I've had coltfriends of course but for some reason

I'm sorry if this letter has been mostly “girl talk” I've just not been feeling great lately, and I miss our conversations by the fire.

I felt like my chest was going to cave in. Fluttershy had saved Ponyville along with her friends multiple times. The town and most of Equestria thought of her and the others as heroes, they had the highest honour bestowed upon them from the Princesses, she had forgiven me for my transgressions, yet Fluttershy still worried that she was worth nothing.

I'm not stupid, I understand how low self-esteem works. You can look like a supermodel yet still think you've got the face of a kicked mule. In my case, I looked like someone had sewn together an assortment of hunting trophies then decided to add manic pixie dust.  I quite like my appearance; it confuses people. They are never quite sure if I'm predator or prey, though I am fully aware that in the world of conventional pony aesthetics, I look like a monster.

Stallions did seem to notice Rarity the most. She wasn't my type (far too organized and terrified of dirt) but I knew most males didn't seem to care about things like that.

I snapped my fingers and a quill started writing out my reply on parchment.

Dear Fluttershy...

I was suddenly stuck. What I wanted to write might not be wise. I wanted to write that Fluttershy was gorgeous and brave, and that it didn't matter whether or not she felt she wasn't, because imperfection is interesting and never boring, and she was never boring to me. I wanted to tell her that no one had ever shown me what it felt like to be cared about until she decided to be my friend.  I wanted to write that when I was around her, time seemed to slow down. I could see myself continuing to write along those lines until it was a disaster and I revealed too much. I really did feel a kind of terror at this. I both wanted to give into what I had to say and wanted to run screaming into the dark at the thought that this could ruin everything. I had to do something I rarely did-- I had to edit my thoughts.

Dear Fluttershy,

I assure you that you are not weak and “worth-nothing”. Worth “noting” perhaps, but not the other thing.  While I am tempted to blame your poopy-friends for not communicating well enough with you about feeling this way  I shall refrain as I know it makes you frowny.

Now, on to your other concerns...

I know this might not make a dent, but you are certainly not unattractive...

She's stunning, you idiot. It's like saying the ocean is “somewhat wet.”

...so it might just be your shyness stopping you from meeting potential beaus.

Maybe it's time to go out and play the field somewhat? Perhaps Rarity could introduce you to a few of these stallions and who knows? Maybe you might find one you get on with. Life's too short, girl. At least it is for everyone who isn't me.

Or if the non-direct approach is wearing thin, you KNOW you're capable of being assertive with a stallion and telling him what you want.

In short, put on some killer horseshoes and go out and drag a stallion to his doom.

Your Pal,

Discord.

The kookaburra took the letter in the morning. I watched it disappear into the distance until it was a small black line against the sky.

I didn't know it then, but I had just done something that was bad for me.

I'm gonna suture up my future

She was preening.

Pegasi need to do this from time to time, as just like birds, their feathers can become worn and bedraggled with use. Proper wing and feather care is essential. Lack of it leads to lack of flight and discomfort.

She stretched her wings, assessed where best to start and then used her mouth to gently shift her secondary feathers back into place. A few that were particularly worn were plucked. They would regrow in time.

Fluttershy's primary wing feathers also needed tending to, but she was having trouble stretching that far. Unlike birds, who have flexible necks, ponies can't bend that far without considerable discomfort.

I watched her graceful form as she did what came naturally.

Then, all of a sudden, without even thinking, I was helping her. I smoothed the feathers that were askew back into place using my paw and talon. Fluttershy sighed happily as the discomfort of her once distorted wing shape was eased.

As a winged creature myself, I knew that preening someone else's wings was one of the most intimate things we could do for each other. I didn't quite understand how or why I had plucked up the courage to do this, and I was even more surprised that she seemed to be enjoying it.

I ran my paw over the delicate yet strong feathers. It was hard to know who was enjoying what more- her leaning into the sensation of having her wings stroked or me enjoying the feel of her lovely wings.

“Discord,” she whispered.

“Yes?” I said, leaning forward.

THWACK

Right in the kisser. That's where the morning paper delivered by the Kookaburra hit me. Goodbye dream.

Oh well, it was time to get up anyway. I suppose. There was no other mail- no letters. Fluttershy hadn't written for a few months. I suspected Celestia was keeping her and the others busy with friendship and save-the-world nonsense.

I muttered curse words while stretching, then picked up the morning paper.

Right on the front page was a picture of the ranger who had been tracking me:

STRANGE BEAST SIGHTED AT AYER'S HOOF screamed the headline, then underneath: “Officials now have reason to suspect that the odd phenomena at Ayer's Hoof may be linked with a creature called a Draconequus”.

How the HELL had they figured that one out? Someone must have blabbed. I think that someone may have been...no, more like definitely was an alicorn princess. You can't trust anyone these days. Yeah, I know that's rich coming from me, but I'm least I'm consistent.

I continued reading:

“This creature is considered highly dangerous as it has the ability to control chaos."

Control chaos. Oh please. No one can "control" chaos- it just is. Something Celestia and Luna would do well to learn. Instead I'm here because they refuse to.  

My mind almost never shuts up. I can think of several trains of thought at once quite easily, but I am also easily distracted. Remember how I said I tend to go off on tangents? Well that was an understatement. I don't just mean in conversation, I also mean with life plans. It was like that with the comet--become obsessed with it, then go off it quickly once another shiny thing came along that tickled my fancy.

What is the point of sticking to one thing when there is so much out there to see and smell and taste?

I wouldn't have discovered so much if I was what you would class as a "grounded" individual. I'm definitely not going to spend my life going to Bingo in the evenings.

Besides, look what had happened when I had tried sticking to one thing: I ended up obsessed with a decaying dog god whose only purpose was to try and use me for his own ends while I begged like a puppy. Not classy. Certainly not.

I try to retain a certain dignity now, and that involves being attached to no places, no things, and most importantly...NO PEOPLE.

Oh, I enjoy having an audience of course. But that's not the same thing.

A black and white picture of Ranger Spence was on the right of the article, as he looked determinedly into the camera. "Rangers think they are close to catching the beast."

I scrunched up the paper and kicked it into the sun, refusing to look at any more. So the ranger wanted to find me?

Let him try.

Let Celestia try with her awful, banal life philosophy.

---

That night I had an awful dream.

Xolotl was gnawing at and sucking up my essence.

No, you perverts, not like that--It was like my soul was being eaten by him, and I could feel everything that I am decaying inside. I was no longer Discord, your resident happy-go-lucky speed demon and wind-up merchant. Instead I was Discord, the greyed out shell.

I could feel my energy being sapped as I struggled under one of his great, twisted paws.

I begged him not to destroy who I was. "No..."

"Why not?" he spat in my face. "You did it to her."

I woke up in a sweat. My body was curled up as tightly as possible and I was hugging myself. Despite being covered in sweat I shivered at the memory of the dream still very vivid and fresh in my mind.

---

The Kookaburra arrived at dusk, just as the first stars were beginning to show themselves. I was busy drinking a coconut (not the water inside it, but the coconut) when the letter landed at my feet.

Fluttershy! I recognised her handwriting on the envelope. I flung the coconut behind me and tore open the envelope.

Dear Discord,

I hope you are well. Sorry there has been a delay between letters but...many things have happened since. Exciting things!

I met someone. I wish I could say I was brave and followed your advice and looked for a stallion, but instead it was more like it just sort of happened.

I should start at the beginning.

Rarity, Pinkie and I went to Canterlot a few weeks ago at Princess Celestia's request to plan a welcome dinner for visiting royalty from Saddle Arabia. I was there because the Princesses were interested in having the bird choir sing again.

I met him at the dinner. There were many ponies there, but as usual I felt a little nervous talking to people I didn't really know. Rarity was in her element, flirting away. I don't know how she does it! Well, I do. She's beautiful and confident and intelligent, so it's not surprising that stallions hang on her every word. I just mean I don't know how to do it.

But this time it turns out I didn't have to. He came up to talk to me.

I was pretty much ready to hide behind my mane as usual, but he made me feel comfortable when he talked to me.

“You're Fluttershy, aren't you?” He had heard of us element bearers. I expect a lot of Equestria has by now, even though that still feels surprising to me.

I...just. He made me feel good about myself when he spoke to me. He liked who I was and what I had accomplished, and that made me want to talk without hiding behind my mane.

I was gripping the letter quite tightly now and I realized I had been holding my breath. I let it out and continued.

We agreed to see each other again, and he's been helping me with the animals. He even adopted one of the cats! I really wish you were here, Discord so you could meet him.

The upper and lower parts of my body began to pace quite independently of themselves as I continued to read.

His name is Pine. I find the fact that he's named after a tree adorable! I find everything about him adorable.

Why did I feel so strange?

Thank you so much for your advice. I really should have listened to you sooner.

Why did I feel sick?

Well, we've only been dating for a few months, but. I...I think I'm in love. I wanted you to be the first to know.  I can't even convey how happy I am!

Please write soon, miss you lots!

Fluttershy

I stood there under the night sky silently for about a minute after finishing the letter.

Then I obliterated a row of palm trees. They melted quickly, and the coconuts burst like kernels of giant popcorn.

Did I mention that as a chaos being my emotions are blindingly intense? When I feel joy, everyone must know about it, and I will rub it in people's faces obnoxiously. When I feel rage, everything within a 50 mile radius better run and hide. And I can be incandescently jealous, which at that very moment, I was.

I was confused by this. It wasn't that I hadn't felt jealousy before, it was the idea that I had any right to be jealous.  Wasn't this what I wanted? Didn't I want my friend to be happy? Hadn't I told her to go out and look for someone? What was the problem?

I stood there with the letter in my hand trying to work out what was irking me so badly.

I remembered the first thing I said when Fluttershy had cried during my betrayal.

"Surely you saw this coming?"

I wasn't jealous because this stallion had something I wanted and I didn't. It was a bit more subtle than that.

Surely you saw this coming?

It was because someone had something I wanted and couldn't. Those are different things. I did not deserve Fluttershy, and the thought that she would ever view me as a partner was frighteningly laughable. So laughable, in fact that I did end up laughing. If anyone had been in the area they would have looked up at the sound to hear and see someone looking quite unhinged.

I hated myself then, and I hated myself now. She had actually liked me more than I liked myself. She had trusted me more than I had trusted myself. There was no way I deserved her.

Surely you saw this coming?

Oh Dear Celestia, I was feeling SORRY for myself. This simply wouldn't do.

Flashes of  various incidents in my life seemed to leap up in my brain.

Crying and screaming like a puppy when Xolotl told me to leave because I simply couldn't handle how bad it made me feel; Feeling extreme rage and even fear at Luna and Celestia as I desperately tried to free myself from my stone prison;  The horrible guilt and loss at the realization that I had just betrayed my friends to Tirek and I had lost my magic.

I did not want to feel the tumultuous emotions churning inside me and fighting for attention. They needed to be numbed.  I needed to forget. Everything.

I needed to get drunk.

I can switch off the ability to get drunk very easily and to be honest, I don't do it very often. Why would I need to? I can conjure up almost anything I want. I'm high on life, but at that moment I really did not want to feel it so intently.

With a snap of my fingers I was in my unicorn disguise again, and making my way down the path from Ayer's Hoof towards the lights below in town.

I ended up at the pub I was at last time. The place was still full of dingos and earth ponies. I headed straight for the bar.

I was about to ask the bartender for three shots of the strongest liquor he had, and attempt to down them one after the other. No sense in dragging this out, let's get it over with. I wanted to be inebriated as fast as possible.

“Can I buy you a drink?”

I looked up in surprise at Ranger Spence. For a split second I thought he had finally discovered me, until I remembered I was in unicorn drag.

“Um...I guess?” I blurted out.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you. It's been a rough day for me. I like to unwind here. If you'd rather be left alone, I'll understand.”

Alone. No, I definitely did not need to be left alone right now. I needed something to distract me.

“I'll have whatever he's having” I said to the bartender, and pulled my barstool closer for conversation.

“Two pints, please.”

The bartender obliged and Spence turned to me.

“I haven't seen you in here before.”

“Just passing through,” I half lied. “So, what is it that you do?”

“Me? I'm a park ranger, mostly.”

“Mostly?” I continued to play dumb.

“Well, since you're a yank, you might not have heard. We've been having a bit of bother with an interloper that may be some kind of chimera from overseas.”

“Is that so?” I sipped my pint.

“Well, actually you may have heard of him. Apparently he's a creature called a draconequus that may go by the name of Discord. A chaos spirit.”

“You speak as if there's more than one.”

“Well, we don't know very much about draconequui. Very little is known about their species.”

He was right there. I didn't even know much about my own species. Or even if there were others like me. It wouldn't surprise me if there were other draconequui out there. I know for a fact enough ponies and dragons have done the horizontal mambo throughout history to make “dragon-horses.” For some reason that sort of thing is rarer and even frowned upon in places now. I'm pretty sure, however, that I am the only chaos spirit. Unless you count Mother Nature.

He continued, “Have you heard anything at all from your neck of the woods?”

“Oh the government overseas is so incompetent,” I drawled. “You cannot imagine the messes the Equestrian royal council are constantly trying to fix. It wouldn't surprise me if they ballsed this one up spectacularly too.”

“So it came from there?”

“Undoubtedly,” I said, beginning to enjoy myself. “I've heard it's quite a cunning beast too.”

“You seem quite knowledgable about this creature.”

“I pick up drips and drabs of information in my travels.”

“Someone who has wanderlust, eh? How long are you in Horsestralia for?”

I thought about this. Did I want to stay here? Perhaps it was time to move on. The ranger had found me, even though he didn't realize it. It was only a matter of time before Celestia decided to try to put a stop to things.

“I guess I'll be moving on in a few days.”

“That's a shame.”

I raised an eyebrow. Before I could enquire WHY it was a shame, Spence had ordered us another round of pints.

“Say, what's your name? Mine's Spence.”

“Dusty,” I replied.

“Well, Dusty. Bottoms up.”

We spent the next few hours talking about travel, Horsetralian wildlife and the open road.

The alcohol began to affect me about 30 minutes in, and I was just going to go with it. It felt good to giggle like a silly schoolcolt after today and listen to this nice stallion and his stories. Nevermind the fact that he was trying to catch me—I wanted to forget, and the beer was making me feel warm and calm.

It was also making me rather flirty.

I am an incurable flirt at the best of times, but the alcohol was making my body language absolutely buzz with it. I often don't expect people to flirt back. I am mostly amused at the way flirting seems to make some people incredibly uncomfortable, especially stallions.

Which is why I certainly didn't expect Spence to put his hoof on my thigh.

“Well, hello,” I purred. Then I began to giggle uncontrollably.

“Do you know how cute you are right now?”

“Tell me,” I slurred.

I was so incredibly amused that the ranger that had been tracking me was now hitting on me. The novelty of it all made my head swim happily. Of course, part of that was the alcohol now swimming through my blood stream.

“I bet you have boys and girls going after you all the time.”

He was now quite drunk himself, and my laughter seemed infectious.

“Well...”

“Please tell me there's no one current.”

“Not really. There was a girl I liked, but that ship has sailed,” I said sadly, but while still grinning.

“Well, whoever she is, she missed a treat.”

“Flatterer!” I slammed my pint glass down on the table, spilling beer everywhere as I squeaked loudly enough to have several customers turn their heads to look at me.

“But true.”

He moved closer and I grinned foolishly.

The bartender gave us both dirty looks.

“I suppose you two will be wanting a room.”

I grinned inanely at him.

“In fact,” he continued pointedly, “I recommend you get one.”

“C'mon,” said Spence as he helped me to my feet. We staggered down the hallway where we began fumbling with each other. By that time I was a giggling mess, though still capable of coherent thought.

I remembered Baast. “Wait, wait,” I gasped in between kisses as he steered me towards the door. He stopped and looked at me quizzically.

“No strings right?” I said.

He looked relieved and laughed. “No strings.”

I grinned and dragged him into the bedroom, where I tripped and fell flat on my face. I laughed a bit harder than I should have at this. He helped me to my feet, then to the bed.

I could have used my powers to conjure up some facsimilie of a lover that night, but -I'm embarrassed to admit this-I also wanted to be held by someone real.  Before I let lust take over the last coherent thought I had before drifting off was “he isn't Fluttershy".

---

Hours later I was laying in bed while staring at the ceiling and  trying to weigh up whether I should sneak out while Spence snored next to me. I got rid of my hangover easily enough with magic. Without the alcohol to dull my senses I was beginning to think again, and right now I just felt like escaping.

Turns out I didn't have to wallow in moral agony for long.

“DUST STORM!!” came the cry from outside.

A low rumbling was approaching from about a mile away. I could sense static in the air.  I leapt to my feet, and ran out to the bar area again.

“Looks like it's a doozy,” said a Dingo to me. “We're gonna head off if you want a lift?”

“Thanks but I've got my own,” I lied.

The dingo shrugged. “Suit yourself. I ain't staying here.”

I watched everyone flee as I sat at the bar. Some of them gave me surprised looks but on the whole they were busy trying to save their own butts. When they had all driven off and the rumbling had increased I snapped my fingers and returned to my former self.

I was planning to just sit there as the storm hit. Maybe just sit at the bar sipping a drink as debris flew and crashed past me. Maybe the storm would take me too.

Then I remembered Spence. Oh crap. If this dust storm really was that powerful I couldn't just leave him here, even if he had been unmemorable in bed.

I wandered into the room and picked him up.

He moaned as he began to awaken and the headache hit him.

“Wha...?” He began.

“Shut up,” I said. “There's a dust storm coming. I'm going to drop you off just outside of its berth and then you can sort yourself out.”

“Dusty?” he croaked as he looked up at me.

“It's going to be,” I said.

Then with a snap of my fingers he was high up on Ayer's Hoof  as he watched the rolling, sparking dust cloud destroy the bar and inn below.

In a few hours the storm was gone, and so was I.

Botanical

It was obvious that getting blind, stinking drunk and shagging someone while being blind, stinking drunk, even when that person was also blind, stinking drunk wasn't going to solve any long term problems. When my head had cleared a little enough for me to think straight again, I decided I was going to write Fluttershy back, but not right away. Right now everything felt much too raw.

Oh, I tried to distract myself, but at night my mind and hormones combined as if they were conspiring against me and giggling in the corner:

"Look at Discord, he thinks he forgot about that pegasus today, but then I gave him one of those dreams where he woke up gasping."

"Oh yes, the way he groans when I make him think he's actually enjoying her body is priceless!"

"He makes the strangest noises during erotic dreams."

"Haha, I know!"

"He's got it bad."

"He does."

"Also, he kicks and babbles in his sleep."

"Freak!"

I did say my mind never shuts up, didn't I?

There were no kookaburras and koalas to interrupt my sleeping time anymore, so I often woke up gasping and with a stupidly satisfied smile on my face. Then I would realize I was awake and that I wanted to forget the possibility of such things.

Yeah, I could have conjured up Facsimile Fluttershy during super fun happy time, but that would just remind me that it wasn't real, and the last thing I wanted was the reminder that good things aren't real. Everyone thinks being able to magically summon things you want is always a good thing. It can be, until you realize you could lose yourself in fantasy completely and then might not want to live in the real world.

But I'm getting ahead of myself, as usual.

When I left Horsestralia, there were quite a few places I could have gone to, but I decided another island might be best. This was down to several factors--Mother Nature seems  to thrive on islands. I really did need to talk to her some more. If nothing else, maybe she could comfort me. Tell me I wasn't a total screw up.

I once asked Mother Nature what I was for.

In hindsight this was a ridiculous thing to ask, not because I know the answer now but because nature doesn't answer your questions. I could suggest things to her, and she might use them but on the whole she will exist with or without me. I stopped asking her questions she wouldn't answer ages ago. Instead I was hoping she would run soothing waves over me and tell me she valued who I was. I needed some rest and relaxation.

I arrived in Gallopgascar just after noon. I teleported onto an elephant bird's nest, where the mother bird proceeded to attempt to peck me to death as she defended her unborn chick. Then she gave me a good, hard kick across the chest and flung me several meters where I landed in an awkward position.

That was when I realized I had landed on something lumpy. Or more precisely, a pony. Or even more precisely, a zebra.

I scrambled to my feet and looked down at him. He seemed to be breathing, but in a rasping, crooked way. I suspect he had encountered the elephant bird in a similar way I did. Only he didn't have any magic to heal himself.

"Hey, you ok?" I said, poking his side gingerly with my paw.

Even the gentle movement caused him to wince and grit his teeth. Crap. He probably had broken ribs. Maybe even a punctured lung.

"Can you speak?" I asked.

His mouth moved, and the barely audible whisper of "tribe...north..." emerged from it.

I sighed. People. People who probably spoke in rhymes. Of course.

I couldn't heal him myself. Though I could use my magic to fix injuries to my own body, I wasn't able to do it for others. As someone who thrived on disharmony I was very good at taking things apart but not putting them back together again. He needed medicine from his own people.

I like most things about Zebras- they are much, much more connected to nature than ponies are. They use a lot of plant magic. Or to put it bluntly, they understand the hallucinogenic, magical properties of plants. They like getting hiiiigh, man.  Ponies kind of frown upon this because of their (laughable) belief in completely harmonious magic that can always be controlled. Zebras on the other hand realize nature isn't something you buck with. Thus Zebras understand the type of magic I wield and that Mother Nature works through.

However, when I said I like "most things" it does of course mean there's something they do that I absolutely despise.

I can't stand the rhyming. Neatly saying everything in words that match each other all the damn time grates on my ears. Maybe it's because I am a chaos being, I don't know. I just know it makes me want to dig a hole in the ground and bury my face in it. When I was a colt I remember someone trying to sing me a nursery rhyme and I screamed so loudly I ended up shattering a glacier and making the birds fly NORTH for the winter.

I snapped my fingers and a magical field enveloped him, moving him off the ground without putting any pressure on him. He floated alongside me as I began to head north. I made sure I gave the elephant bird a wide berth.

After hours of walking through the forest, the smell of smoke hit my nostrils.

I stumbled into a group of Baobab trees in a circle. The village was built on a place of power that was something akin to my vine patch back in Horsestralia.

Zebras were going about their business preparing food and unpacking bundles of dried plants. Suddenly all movement and conservation stopped when they noticed me and my floating, near-unconscious companion. I was suddenly aware that this looked as if I had been the culprit.

“Er...” I began.

“The chaos spirit is here, there is much to fear!” cried out one of the Zebras.

Oh dear Celestia. The rhyming.

“No, wait a minute,” I said after I had gritted my teeth involuntarily at the matching sounds of the zebra's speech. “I didn't do this. I found him like this near an elephant bird nest. He was probably kicked.”

They continued to look at me suspiciously.

“He needs help!” I growled. “Are you just going to stand here and gawk at me?”

This seemed to rouse them as they became more aware of their fallen brethren.

“Bring him this way, then we will see if you pay.”

I winced then floated the wounded zebra through the hut door. Once he was on a bed and medicine was being prepared, I was pushed outside and the hut door slammed in my face.

I sat outside the hut and waited for hours while zebras continued to walk past and glare at me. I didn't feel threatened by them, however. I could leave any time I wanted. However, part of me wanted them to know for certain that I wasn't to blame for this chap's misfortune; if nothing else to prove them wrong. Then maybe gloat about it.

Around dusk one of the zebras that had been treating the injured emerged from the hut.

“Chaos spirit,” she said simply.

This zebra seemed much older than the rest of the tribe. She had a wise but weathered face and wore a necklace made of seed pods. I guessed correctly that she was probably the matriarch of the tribe.

I waited tensely for the rhyming couplet which never came. Instead she said “You claim not to be the cause of this, but your reputation would indicate otherwise.”

“I get blamed for everything,” I said nonchalantly while examining my claws.

“Nevertheless, we must find out the truth.”

She whinnied and another zebra emerged carrying a tray of tiny gourds.

“We will find out through the memory potion.”

They handed me a gourd of the magical drink. The very same kind Zecora had given Twilight when she wanted to look at the memories of Celestia, Luna and myself.

Memory potion can't help you remember your own memories, but it can help you view those of another. It's actually banned in several countries due to people abusing it as a form of mind reading. I didn't need memory potion to read minds, but everyone knocked back the drink and I followed suit anyway. A bright flash of white light enveloped my senses, then I was back where I had found the wounded zebra. The elephant bird was no where to be seen, but the egg lay on the nest like a huge polished stone.

Then I saw the zebra I had found approaching the nest. Was he nuts?

Okay, I admit I once used to mess with elephant birds myself. I once took an egg and put a hole in it with my claw then covered up the hole with a bit of sand. I then appeared in the High Jackal's bed chambers and left it above his canopied bed. During sexytimes with his wife a wave of rotten egg smell would permeate the place. It was obviously a mood killer.

It took him weeks to figure out where the smell was coming from. Once he did he demanded my head. He had no way of knowing I had done it, but he sought to blame me anyway. Of course the fact that I had done it isn't the point. He had no proof, you see.

I watched the zebra continue to stealthily approach the nest. He reached the egg and just as he placed his hooves on it a huge foot kicked him in the chest. He went flying into the trunk of a tree and I winced as I heard something snap.

Then the vision faded.

The old zebra mare turned to face the crowd.

"It would appear some people here were quick to judge.”

Some of the crowd shuffled their hooves and looked ashamed.

The zebra mare turned to me. “Thank you for saving my son".

"He cushioned my fall, it was the least I could do. Hey, how come you don't speak in rhymes?"

"Who says I don't?"

"Okay, why don't you speak in rhymes? Not that I mind--I am, to put it mildly, relieved that someone here speaks without sounding like they're going to break into a rendition of 'Pop Goes the Weasel' every five seconds."

"It's the best way to communicate with a chaos being."

"You got that right."

She nodded.

“Have you got a name, or shall I call you Old Grey Zebra Mare?” I joked.

She smiled, but not with her eyes.

“It's Zoena. I know your name, Chaos Spirit,” she said when I started to introduce myself. “We all do. What I am intrigued to know is why you are here.”

“I'll answer that if you tell me why your son was trying to steal an elephant bird egg.”

She smiled. “He was trying to impress a girl.”

“Idiot! Doesn't he realize those things can disembowel with one kick? Elephant birds, I mean. Not girls. Well, maybe they can, but I've never seen it.”

“Perhaps. But in matters of the heart one does not always think logically. For example, I was no where near as calm earlier as I am now that I know he is all right. In fact, I am willing to bet you have followed your heart often and it has gotten you into trouble.”

She said the last part with a grin.

“Once or twice maybe” I said, waving my paw in the air.

“This of course, does not mean I'm not going to yell at my son later. Now, you promised to tell me why you are here.”

I sighed. I did need someone to talk to.

“I'll tell you. But you alone. I don't want to listen to anymore bad poetry.”

“This way.”

She led me to a larger hut where a fire was going. The warm glow and the folded blankets and mats on the floor looked welcoming after what seemed like such a warm and eventful day.

“Come, sit,” said Zoena. She handed me a cup of mint and root tea which I took gratefully.

I told her everything. About my friendship with the ponies, about having to go away. About Fluttershy.

“Aha!” she laughed uproariously. “You are doing stupid things for a girl too!”

“What? No. I went away precisely so I wouldn't do stupid things.”

“Are you sure that going away wasn't a stupid thing to do?”

“What is this, the Equestrian Inquisition?”

She smiled, the crow's feet at the sides of her eyes becoming more prominent.

“You are blushing.”

I muttered a curse word under my breath.

“Okay, it may have been a bit extreme leaving. But trust me, it was for the best.”

“It's not like you to practice restraint.”

“I'm full of surprises.”

“You must be in love with her.”

I said nothing.

Zoena got up. “I think it is time for me to take my rest. And you also look tired. Sleep well.You are welcome to stay here as long as you need to, chaos spirit.”

Yeah, fat chance with all the amateur poets.

But I did stay, for quite a while. Aside from the rhyming (sometimes I just shoved some leaves in my ears) I enjoyed the company of the zebras. We cooked and ate together. I even helped them identify plants for their brews. I was beginning to like Zoena. She reminded me of Twilight and Luna—easy to wind up but equally fun to banter with.

She even put up with me biting my tail and rolling around and around her like a living Ouroboros singing “Old Grey Zebra ain't what she used to be.”

Well, to a point. She did fling her cane at me once. But she did it with love, I swear!

Regardless, I was starting to feel a bit happier and though the rhyming was still annoying, I could tolerate it for short periods of time. When I got sick of it I'd sunbathe in a tree or run through the field chasing fireflies and ghost moths or spend time "talking" with Mother Nature.

There was still a problem though. My heart still ached.

I should be used to it by now, but I wasn't. It was my own fault. I shouldn't have let my guard down. But then, what choice did I have but to start to trust the ponies when I released from my stone prison for a second time? Refuse and go back into stone? Yeah, and you'd totally sit on a cactus a second time.  But opening up to people meant I was feeling things again.

Everyone (mostly the ponies that tell their foals that if they don't behave Discord the Boogeyhorse will get them) thinks I have no feelings; that I am cold and callous. I can be, but the idea that I have no feelings at all is a myth. I'm just very good at hiding them.

Except when I was released from stone I got less adept at doing so.

Then one day Zoena suggested, "Maybe you could try some tea."

This isn't actually as banal as it sounds.

It's not a platitude suggesting that a cup of chamomile might fix everything. "Tea" in this context is actually a powerful brew made from the vines of several woody plants (including Poison Joke Weed) that the Zebras use to go on spiritual journeys.

It can be a frightening experience for many. I once saw a group of younger zebras steal some from the elders and run off to a field to take it and about 40 minutes later they were crying and screaming for their mommies.

It was hysterical. Even Zoena stifled a giggle.

Anyway, the tea causes powerful chaotic hallucinations. When you go on the journey, you are supposed to make meaning out whatever it is you saw while under the influence of  the concoction. It takes several tries and many years of training for a Zebra to master the art of this. Some of them cave in under the horror of it all. It strips their souls bare and the way it takes you on a roller-coaster ride you can't stop is enough to unnerve some for days.

I, on the other hand am the Master of Chaos. Oh yes, I have tried this tea in the past. It was a lovely experience. I remember feeling incredibly happy and light. Like I never wanted to leave.

Which is exactly why I never tried it again.

I'm worried I'll lose myself in how amazing it feels. Being surrounded by pure chaos is amazing, but also completely immersive. Taking it would be a risk.

But hey, I had all the time in the world, didn't I?

However, I felt I should think about it for a little bit and asked Zoena to give me some time to decide before she started making the brew.

I sat out in the field under the stars watching the fireflies mingle in the inky blackness. Taking the tea might clear my head. It might make me forget the ache in my heart.

Pine sounded like a loving and protective pony that understood Fluttershy. That was all that was important, wasn't it? I sighed and stared up at the night sky. Like I said, I never felt jealousy because Fluttershy was happy. I felt jealousy at the fact that I knew I couldn't make her happy the way he probably could. The way lots of people probably could.

I needed to get over it. Stop being a grumpy gus, Discord.

Maybe a quick trip on some tea would be what I needed.

I walked back into the village around dusk, where I found Zoena staring into the fire intently.

"So, Chaos Spirit. What is the consensus?" she said without turning around.

I rubbed my eagle arm with my lion paw.

"I'll do it."

---

Zoena accompanied me to the area of the forest I had chosen to have my journey in. She had wrapped me in a blanket in some sort of ceremonial gesture. Or maybe when zebras took the tea they got cold and it was a comfort thing.

I sat down on a tree stump while Zoena unpacked the tea things. She uncorked a gourd and poured the steaming brew into a smaller hollowed out gourd that had been fashioned to make a bowl. The pungent smell of the mixture filled my nostrils.

"I must leave now, Discord. But go well in your journey. Hopefully you will learn something."

"Sure," I said. I just wanted her to leave so I could begin relaxing. I wasn't interested in "learning" anything.

I waited until I could no longer hear her hooves crunching on the leaves of the forest floor, then downed the tea in one gulp. Then I lay back on a patch of moss, wrapped in Zoena's blanket.

I could see the Milky Way through the gaps in the trees--splashes of silver across the inkiness of the deep black sky.

The tea was beginning to hit me and my limbs felt both heavy and like they were floating at the same time. The soft moss I was laying on felt like it was eating me up with its velvety goodness. I laughed at all of the chaotic shapes appearing above my head. They tried biting me and it felt like a tickle.  I turned my head to the side and squinted at a soft glow a few feet away.

The glow started off as a roughly circular blob, then slowly it uncurled and something looking like a long snake-like dragon made from mist started floating across my vision.

I felt Mother Nature curl around me and I snuggled against her.

I felt...peaceful.

If that's a word that can be used for someone such as myself.

Yes, I thought to myself. I'm fine on my own. And Fluttershy is fine with Douglas Fir...or Pine, or whatever his name was. I warm feeling of happiness for her came over me. I didn't need to go back...I could just lay here and watch the stars.

The long wispy dragon moved elegantly around in circles in the air, then something that looked like a wave joined it, curling like mist or smoke. It intermingled with the dragon until the two shapes were an indistinguishable mess swirling in the night air.

I grinned at the shapes then closed my eyes.

----

When I opened them, a shaft of sunlight was breaking through the trees. The birds were calling in their morning quest for food. I could see dragonflies floating lazily above me. Occasionally one would land on my snout. I blew gently until it took to the air again.

Everything felt right.

After a few hours of basking in my newly found contentment, I decided to make my way back to the village. I wanted to tell Zoena all about the way I was feeling—like a weight had been lifted from my chest. I hummed to myself as I walked back along the path.

I could smell the smoke of the village as I approached but I couldn't actually see the smoke plume. In fact, I couldn't actually see the huts. Instead, in their place was a pile of grey sand. I stared in confusion for a few seconds, until I realized it wasn't sand at all. It was a pile of ashes.

The trees around the remains of the village were blackened and leafless. Everything had burnt to the ground. If there had been anything living here it had moved on days ago. I must have been out of it for days.

I bent down near a pile of ashes and poked at the remains of a blanket.

I stayed at the village remains for days, watching the sun rise and set. I waited.

And waited. But no one ever came back, if indeed there was anyone left.

They were gone. And once again, my heart ached.

Stupid Discord. This is what you get for getting attached to people.

Rather than teleporting somewhere this time, I decided to go to the coast and get on the first ship out of there. I didn't want to choose my destination this time. Whatever. Take me anywhere but here. As I boarded the first vessel I found I looked out across the hills of Gallopgascar. Something welled up in me and my eyes stung.

After days at sea, the vessel reached its destination- Anugypt.

I donned my unicorn disguise and wandered into the bustling streets. After days at sea I felt tired and hungry, so I decided to find a cafe and munch on something there. I asked the waiter for a tagine and some cake, and when he wasn't looking I conjured up a glass of fizzy coconut water.

I people-watched as I ate and tried to clear my head. Jackals, ponies and cats wandered past. Anugypt had become a lot more diverse since the High Jackal Anubis's reign ended. I, of course played a part in that. I like diversity. Homogenous societies are so boring. So I pleased to see the population now included cats, jackals, ponies and purple dragons...

Purple dragon!? What?

I appeared in a flash in front of the dragon's path just as he crashed into me.

"Who are you?" I demanded to know.

The dragon looked up at me in a daze and squinted.

"Discord?"

"No, I'm Discord." I said, annoyed. "Who are you?"

"It's me! Spike!"

"Spike?" I said, feeling dumbfounded. He looked a lot taller and more streamlined than when I had last seen him.

"Have you had some kind of growth spurt?" I asked.

He looked pleased at this statement and practically preened. "I guess I have!" he said, grinning.

"What are you doing here?"

"We are here on Princess Celestia's orders," said Spike.

"We?"

"Discord!"

"That's my name, don't wear it out," I said, turning to voice that had come from behind me, only to come face to face with Twilight.

I actually beamed. "Sparklepoo!" I shouted. "Fancy seeing you here! I guess Borelestia has you moving on to bigger things now that she's sending you further afield."

Twilight was standing there with her mouth open. A look of shock and bewilderment on her face. She looked taller somehow.

"Oh, come on." I said. "I know I'm devastatingly handsome, but try to be subtle about your ogling, please. You're embarrassing yourself.”

Twilight managed to regain some of her composure.

"We thought you were gone for good! We even worried you were dead!"

"Oh, Twilight!" I laughed. "I very much doubt you would miss me that much after only a couple of months."

"A couple of months?" she snarled angrily. "Are you kidding me?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Discord, the last letter anyone received from you was eleven years ago. You've been gone for twelve."

"Come again?"

"Twelve years, Discord!"

My left ear twitched once as I tried to fight the urge to just drop my jaw and leave it hanging open as flies wandered in.

It came to me all in a rush. It all fit-- Spike being much older, Twilight growing taller as she grew into her role as Celestia's successor.

Twilight closed her eyes and bowed her head. "Fluttershy was devastated."

My thoughts snapped back home quickly at the mention of Fluttershy's name.

"Is she with you?"

"We're all here," said Twilight. "But you have some explaining to do."

Spike and Twilight looked at me with concern when I sat on the ground and took a huge breath. I was trying not to panic. I felt like I was going to faint.

"I need to see her," I said.

Trickster in Love

A time I'm not too fond of recollecting was when I was trapped in stone.

I know, big shocker. I don't think anyone would enjoy spending a thousand plus years as a statue, but I don't think you realize just how horrible it was.

When it first happened I was laughing at something Celestia had said and the next minute I couldn't move. I don't just mean physically--I couldn't flex my magical muscles either. I felt panic shoot through me as I willed myself to stir in any way possible. Yet I couldn't. I felt numb, like the edges of my being were verging on pins and needles. My mind still worked; I was completely conscious but nothing else would budge.  If you've ever felt what medical doctors term "sleep paralysis" then you have some concept of the horror I was beginning to feel.

"Hey...hey...?" I didn't so much say as think (I couldn't do much else.)

"Very funny, guys. Good one. Touché ! Good show, and all that."

Silence.

Surely they would come back and release me? Surely? Ponies were all about friendship and harmony, weren't they? Those may not be concepts I understood but ponykind weren't cruel, were they?

Eventually I changed my mind on that.

I screamed every curse word under the sun I could think of at them. I called them horrible things, I fantasized about ripping their wings off and stomping on them. I had never felt such rage and terror. How could they do this? How?

Sure, I did cause all the crops to fail through a massive influx of rats, and I did start an infestation of parasprites and I did cause a lot of strife, but that wasn't enough to put me into stone.

I think it might have been because I inadvertently started a war.

You know me, I can't help but provoke people, and I may have said the wrong things to the wrong people here and there (possibly Royalty), but it resulted in bloodshed. This was not my intention, but as usual I was blamed for it. Blah blah, you can't keep your mouth shut Discord. Why did you have to tell the King in this particular part of Equestria that his Queen was sleeping with this other King in the Crystal Empire and he got so jealous he launched a campaign against all of the Royals in Equestria because he was a bit of a madman? Hmmm? Why can't you mind your own business?

I once spent several hours sobbing and howling until I was hoarse.

I spent days talking to myself. Babbling incoherently at nothing and no one. I just needed the sound to reassure myself that I was still there--that I still existed.

I could hear everything around me. In a way, this was both a blessing and a curse.

Listening to people around me meant I had something to do. Something to keep my mind occupied. I spent a lot of time trying to listen out for information that could potentially free me from my prison. But listening to people also meant I could hear them going about their lives. Something I was no longer capable of doing while encased in stone.

I could hear couples when they passed me in the night. They often used the garden my statue was placed in as a lover's tryst. The sounds of pleasure were painful to listen to.

As were the sounds of laughter when people passed by on daily walks. They could move, they could laugh. I could do neither.

Something strange began to happen. Sometimes I would block the sound out, and go into what I can only define as a “quiet place.” It was dark there. But also peaceful. I felt nothing, no passage of time or pain or frustration. Then without warning, I would snap back into reality and the sound of laughing foals or chatty families would fill my ears again and I'd realize with a shock that the people's voices I was hearing were markedly different in lingo and in the current events they would discuss. Which could only mean one thing: the passage of time.

I was losing track of time. In a way this was inevitable --- I had no clocks and no way of looking at the sun and the moon moving across the sky. I was frozen in a dark place with only my mind for company.

The moments when I went into my “quiet place” became more frequent. In this way, I was able to pass 1000 years without my mind turning into jelly.

Oh, buffalo balls. Listen to this sob story. I'm sorry, but I'm also not sorry.

No one could have come out of that with their mind intact. To say I came out of that statue completely card-carryingly sane is laughable. If anything it's a miracle I didn't become some bloodthirsty mage hellbent on revenge. But no, I made it a point to Celestia when I returned that I didn't turn ponies into stone.

So tell me, who is the more cruel of the two? Harmony, with its inflexible and static rules, or chaos, which always has loopholes and leeways?

Harmony, with its resistance to scary ol' change, or chaos which always at least will consider your point of view if its interesting and novel?

Harmony, which broke me several times over, or chaos which felt like aloe on a burn after all that darkness?

When I went back into stone, I was frozen in a position that displayed how much terror I felt at returning to that state.

How could they be this cruel AGAIN?

I was sure I was going to rot away the rest of my days in concrete. Sure of it.

Until Fluttershy.

I could hear everything Celestia was saying. I found it all laughable. Did she really think I was going to be reformed? Especially after all she had done to me? Screw her! I would continue to be a pain in the ass for as long as I existed. I wasn't ever going to let her feel as if she had won. Did she really think ponies displaying fake kindness so they could use my magic for their own ends was going to work?

I know no one truly likes me. If someone is nice to me it's because they want something. Xolotl wanted sex and to use my intelligence so I could help him destroy things. Baast was probably "rewarding" me for helping me bring down the jackals.

Celestia and Luna wanted my magic so they could track down bad guys.

Fluttershy was only trying to be my friend because Celestia told her to.

Even after we agreed to be friends part of me still believed this.

I wanted to believe otherwise. She was so kind, and soft. Plus she laughed at my jokes. Y'know, it's always a bonus when a girl doesn't run away in terror at the fact that you can remove your limbs and eyeballs and play golf with them.

I cannot pinpoint the exact moment I began to fall for her. It happened gradually.

Yet there was still a voice in the back of my head that insisted it was all an act. She couldn't possibly like me. She was only following the orders of Princess Pain-in-the-Butt.

Hindsight is a wonderful, wonderful thing. It also seems to slap you in the face at the most inconvenient moments, so I didn't really believe Fluttershy wanted to be my friend until I had betrayed her and I saw the waterworks.

Oh.

She meant it.

And something hard in me came undone and dissolved, because I realized after what felt like a lifetime of cruelty and scorn someone actually wanted me around.

Surely you saw this coming.

And even after all that she forgave me! She still wanted to be my friend!

Even now I feel some degree of bafflement. But I also feel extreme gratitude, among other things.

The boat ride along the river Neighle to the main city of Anugypt didn't seem to be moving fast enough, but in a way that was a good thing.

I'd been in a state of near panic since Twilight had dropped the bombshell that I'd been out of it for 11 years. I know what you're all thinking. I know. I can practically see your lips moving:

“Discord, this is all just a dream, silly! You're fine. You're still just tripping balls and when you wake up it'll just be an ordinary day and you and Zoena can laugh about it and make elephant bird egg omlettes.”

Except I knew I wasn't hallucinating, because of the way I reacted in the statue. Time reacts to me, the way it did when I was at the bottom of the ocean playing with fish, the way it bends when I stretch. Of course, it's also relative, which is why I can't feel it when it passes. And it's a bloody good thing I can't because if I had felt the passage of time the way people outside of the statue did, I would have lost my mind completely.

I may have been broken several times over while encased in stone, but at least I managed to put the pieces back together, even if they are somewhat wonky.

I lay down on the floor of the shaded boat and tried to get my breathing under control while Twilight and Spike continued to stare at me in concern.

“We thought you knew,” said Spike sheepishly.

“No!” I snapped, “I didn't know. I thought I was going to have a night off and it turns out I took more than a decade of nights off. And no, before you ask I'm not okay.”

I rolled over on my side. I felt nauseated.

“Is she okay, at least?” I asked, curling up into a ball and staring at the inside of the boat.

“Fluttershy? She's alive and well, but I think you need to speak to her. It's obviously going to come as a shock to her that you're alive and she was pretty upset when she thought you weren't coming back.”

“Well she had Pine to look after her,” I said in a wholly bitter way. I felt so rotten that I was through playing the “I'm not that jealous” card. I was acting like a stroppy teenager, and I knew it. And I didn't care.

“You need to talk to her about that too,” said Twilight after a beat.

I snorted.

To change the subject, I asked Twilight why she and the others had come to Anugypt.

“That's just it. We know why we're here, but we don't know what's causing it. Both the castle and Princess Celestia have indicated something has gone drastically wrong with the weather here.”

“Hey!” exclaimed Spike. “Maybe Di...”

He stopped halfway before he could finish as I shot him a death stare.

“What's that?” I said. “Were you about to blame me? Oh no, I can't imagine you people doing that. You're all about the harmony and friendship.”

“Well you're the obvious candidate!”

“Spike, stop that. None of this weather looks like Discord's handiwork. It's too...normal. Well, if you can call extreme wind storms and earthquakes normal.”

“Technically earthquakes aren't even weather,” I said. “What IS Celestia teaching you nowadays Sparklepoo? Honestly, some of the books in that library must be so archaic that Starswirl the Bearded probably used them to wipe his bottom when he was still alive.”

“Remind me never to defend your honour again.”

“You're fighting a losing battle,” I said, grinning and flashing Spike my rows of sharp teeth. “Okay, so the weather is going haywire. What does Celestia expect you to do about it?”

“It hasn't been an isolated incident. There was a massive snowstorm in Nickeragua.”

“And tornadoes in Prance!” interjected Spike. “Actually, that might be odd enough to be you...”

“Spike!” Twilight scolded. “You aren't helping by blaming Discord. What would Rarity think?”

All of a sudden the young drake turned red and looked flustered. I raised an eyebrow.

Twilight turned to me again. “We need to know if there's a common thread to all these weather anomalies,” she said. “The High Jackal and Cat have agreed to let us stay while we investigate the latest disturbance. We really didn't expect to see you here.”

“Okay...” I said, scratching my back by detaching my eagle arm and holding it behind me so I could better reach the itch. “I will accept that explanation in place of a good old 'sorry'.”

Twilight sighed. “We're here,” she said.

I was almost disappointed that the boat ride was over, as I was beginning to enjoy the familiar patterns of banter with Twilight, when I looked up at the dock and was jolted back to reality.

Five pony faces stared back at me, in varying degrees of shock. Pinkie actually looked excited. Good old Pinkie.

Everyone else looked like they'd seen a ghost. Which in a way, I suppose they had.

They were all dressed in the traditional clothing of Anugypt for ponies- gold bangles, flowers of the Neighle lily behind their ears and loosely braided manes. And that was my first sight of Fluttershy after 12 years: Her hair in a loose braid, a blue flower behind her ear. She was a bit more lined under the eyes, and had slightly more weight on her belly, but she was no less stunning. At that point she could have looked like a lobster with thirteen heads and I still would have found her stunning, but I'm not a great benchmark for that sort of thing.

Still, I'm a sucker for a pretty mare. And the sight of her hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized I looked as surprised as she did.

“So are you coming ashore or not?” said Twilight to my open mouthed face.

Spike had already hopped off the boat and was giving Rarity a peck on the cheek. He whispered in her ear and she giggled.

Rainbow Dash and Applejack made gagging motions silently behind the couple and I grinned at them.

“Discord!” shouted Pinkie. “Oh my goodness! You were gone for so long! What did ya bring me?”

I laughed “Hi, Pinkie” I said, stepping onto the dock. My eyes, however were on Fluttershy. I desperately wanted to speak to her.

“Right, girls,” said Twilight authoritatively. “I know this is a surprise to all of us, but we can't forget why we're here. We need to touch base with the High Jackal, so let's go get that sorted. We can catch up with Discord later.”

We started to move towards the pyramids in a group. Fluttershy walked beside me.

“So...uh. Hi.” I croaked.

“Hi...” she said, looking at her hooves as we ambled along.

Twilight put her hoof on my lion paw.

“Except you two,” she said gesturing towards Fluttershy with her head. “I really think you guys need to catch up on some things.”

Before I could say anything Twilight had run after her friends. Pinkie was shouting something about baklava.

Soon the group could no longer be seen, and that was when I felt Fluttershy barrel into me and envelop me in a hug, the way she used to when she was happy to see me.

I felt my world come away. I hugged her back tightly. Then I felt the tears on my fur and feathers as she buried her face in them. “I thought you were dead,” came the whisper.

“No...no.” I said gently, rocking her back and forth. I looked around the dockyard.

“Do you want to go and talk some place more private?” I asked and she nodded.

I snapped my fingers and we were on the front steps of a temple. We could both see people bustling down below, but up here no one could hear what we were saying.

Fluttershy was looking at me expectantly.

“So you first or me?” I said. “Though I admit if I try to explain things from my end it probably won't make a whole lot of sense.”

“I think you should start,” she said.

“Right....okay.”

Where to begin? Just say it plainly.

“Fluttershy, I drank some kind of tea when I was in Gallopgascar.”

“Tea?”

“Yes, not your kind of tea. Zebra's tea. It gives you visions. Anyway, what I thought were a few hours of visions ended up being 11 years of them. Except it didn't feel that way at all! I swear! I woke up thinking it was the morning after I drank the tea and all the Zebras were gone. I couldn't find them, so I came here.”

I winced at how ridiculous this all sounded.

“Why did you stop writing to me?”

“Huh? Fluttershy, I just explained that I was out of it for eleven years. I...”

“No,” she said stiffly. “You didn't write to me for almost a year before that.”

Oh.

“I...needed some time to think about things. I was going to write you back, I swear. I just...got sidetracked. But, I'm okay! I'm certainly not dead. I'm surprisingly difficult to kill, remember?”

“I missed you. You...weren't there.”

Something was off.

“I'm here now, Fluttershy. I'm very sorry I was gone for so long. I didn't mean to...time just slips away with me. Maybe it's because I've lived so long, but time as a concept just doesn't have the same meaning to me as it does to other people. Regardless, I really never meant to upset you. I honestly didn't know this would happen. You...you have no idea how glad I am to see you, Fluttershy.”

“But you weren't there.”

Something was definitely off. I decided I needed to know what it was before I put my cloven hoof in my mouth.

“Fluttershy, I think I may be missing something. Okay, I was gone for 12 years, so I missed a lot. Yes, I wasn't there, and I'm sorry. But you had your friends and Pine so you weren't alone. I...was pretty much alone until I met the Zebras.”

My ears drooped at the thought of the Zebra tribe. I really hoped they hadn't perished in the fire, but  part of me knew that was likely a false hope.

“I...I need to tell you something,” said Fluttershy. “About Pine.”

Here it comes I thought.

She took a deep breath and stared ahead with single-minded resolve, and I realized with surprise that she was trying not to cry.

“Pine's gone.”

“What?”

“He's gone. He left me four years ago.”

She took another deep breath then said, “He was a very loving person, up until...the incident. I...”

Her eyes were filling up with tears.

“Hey...” I said, feeling uncomfortable. I wasn't good with tears. I felt like I wanted to comfort Fluttershy but I wasn't entirely sure how.

Another deep breath, and she swallowed back the tears and continued.

“He left to take a job abroad, when he figured out things weren't working for him...for us.”

“I don't understand. I thought things were going well. From your letter you seemed very happy. Okay, I know that was early stages but from what you've said you were together since then.”

My paw lingered in the air. I wanted to hold and comfort her, but under the circumstances I wasn't sure that was the right thing to do. I edged closer just in case. Oh bollocks. I had no idea what I was doing.

"He..." Fluttershy's voice began to waver and she was hiding behind her mane.

"He went away, like you did."

I said nothing.

"Why did you go away?" she said, regaining control of her firm voice.

"You know why. My chaos was upsetting everyone."

"It wasn't upsetting me."

"You know that's not entirely true, Fluttershy. I upset you a lot when I let Tirek steal everyone's magic."

"That had nothing to do with your chaos."

I looked at her as if she had grown a second head.

"What? It had EVERYTHING to do with it. I threw you all under the bus because I thought I could be free and still be liked by someone. I was wrong. The only choices I have are to not be free and be liked, or be free and be hated. I can be free and not be hated by being away from everyone. That's the only way it's gonna work."

"No, it had NOTHING to do with your chaos," she repeated. "The problem isn't your chaos, Discord. It's that you hate yourself, and because you hate yourself you see yourself as unredeemable and you become a self-fulfilling prophecy. That's why you betrayed us all to Tirek. You don' t think you're good enough."

"Well it's pretty clear I'm not good enough! All I do is seem to upset you. I'm upsetting you now! Surely it's better if I stay away from Ponyville. That way I can never hurt you again."

"But I hurt because you left."

I groaned and buried my face in my hands.

"Fluttershy, I don't understand."

"I wish you had been there. But you went away. And you could have been there. I don't understand why you weren't."

"Because!"

"Because what?"

"Because it's clear my chaos just doesn't belong in Equestria. Because Celestia will always try to keep me on a leash. Because I would make your life very difficult and you don't need me to. "

"I needed you there."

"Why?"

"Because you're my friend."

"You have lots of friends, Fluttershy. Why me?"

"The...the reason Pine left. He...he thought that keeping the animals would be bad for my...condition. He wanted me to get rid of them."

Asking Fluttershy to get rid of her animals was about as ridiculous as asking me to stop being chaotic. It wasn't going to happen. What condition could she possibly have where he would have asked that of her? I asked her.

She hesitated, then leaned close to me and whispered in my ear as I listened, and I felt my heart break. I looked down at her in horror. Fluttershy would have been a good mother. Tender and caring. She would have blamed herself for what had happened. And to have her mate leave her at such a delicate time; It would have also no doubt have been embarrassing for Fluttershy to be abandoned by him. I know better than anyone that Ponyville can be full of vicious old gossips.

How could nature be so cruel to her?

I realized what I had just thought and pushed it out of my mind quickly.

"When it happened, of course he insisted that he had been right and I should have gotten rid of the animals or stopped running the sanctuary. He said he was worried about my health and the foal's health. But I know it wasn't the animals. I was feeling pressured by...by everything. Then, when he left because he couldn't stand seeing me “do this to myself” I started to question everything he and I had been through. He was loving, we loved each other—but he made me feel like a selfish person for wanting things. And I thought he wasn't like that. I needed you there because my friend, my BEST friend wasn't around to talk to. Yes, I have friends, but you were the only one that understood. It's like you said in your letter to me: "Unless you've been to a really dark place, you won't see everything in the night sky clearly."" You understood that. I could talk to you about that. And you WEREN'T THERE. I couldn't even write you because I had no idea where you were. Why didn't you come home?"

By now she was shouting at me and sobbing at the same time.

Needless to say, I felt like cowpat. A very confused, frightened and saddened cowpat.

I couldn't even feel joy at the fact that Piney Boy was out of the picture. At least I didn't have to feel guilty about that. At least I wasn't a total bastard. The thought gave me little comfort.

After all, I couldn't do the friendly, comforting thing and bitch about what an awful person Pine was for leaving Fluttershy when I had done exactly the same thing.

Yes, I hadn't asked Fluttershy to give up her animals because I was some kind of overly-protective manchild who thought he knew more about mares than mares themselves, but I had abandoned her. Not for the first time, I felt like a rotten friend.

"Fluttershy, listen. I can fix things," I said said in a panicked voice.

"How?"

I placed my paw and claw on both sides of her head, cradling her face.

"We can go back in time--like when we went to see the dinosaurs. I can take you back to before I left, and I won't leave. I'll stay," my voice was beginning to waver and it almost sounded like I was babbling when I spat the words out. "I'll stay...and I...I'll be your friend and make sure that Pine looks after you and doesn't leave and..."

She was shaking her head.

"You can't do that for me. If we go back in time, all the good work my friends have done over the years...they'll have to repeat it. I can't put them through that."

Typical Fluttershy. Always putting others before herself. So unlike me.

“So, please tell me the truth,” said Fluttershy, staring at me intently. “Why did you leave?”

After a long pause, I whispered, "Because I was afraid."

She reached out for me and I did the same for her  and she held onto me while I clung to her tightly.  By now I was crying too.

"Because I'm an idiot," I sobbed.

She hugged me tighter.

Because I love you desperately.

There it was then. I had finally admitted it to myself. I only wished I had done so in happier circumstances. But no, that's not what idiots do, is it?

I held her and we rocked back and forth, trying to heal each other through the simple repetitive movement. But I knew it was going to take a lot more than that.

Later that afternoon we caught up with the others. They all seemed genuinely happy to see me and Pinkie and Dash made me promise to play them at a game of Anugyptian chess later. Fluttershy said she needed to rest for a bit so she went to lie down in her quarters. The High Jackal and Cat had given us all accommodation in one of the pyramids—two large rooms with lots of cushions and soft seats. Though the rooms were walled on three sides, the third side was left open, and gave us all a spectacular view of the Neighle river and the city. The floor stretched further out so that just a few feet from our sleeping mats was a pond with koi fish and lily pads in bloom.

“I could get used to this life!” said Rainbow Dash, putting her hooves behind her head as she stretched out on a cushion.

“Where's Twilight?” I asked. For some reason I felt a desperate need to speak to the Princess of Friendship.

“Oh, after the meeting with the Royals she said she needed to de-stress for a bit.” said Rarity. “The poor dear still worries so much about whether she's following the correct customs of a particular country. We have our first proper council meeting with them to discuss a plan of action tomorrow.”

“De-stress?”

“She's in the bath, love,” said Rarity. “Wait, Discord, where are you...!”

But I'd already flashed into the bathtub with Twilight.

She shrieked, but I paid no attention.

“Twilight! I need to speak with you.”

“Can it wait?” she said through gritted teeth.

“No, Twilight, Fluttershy's upset with me.”

“I'm not surprised.”

“So how do I fix it?” I asked, gripping both sides of the bathtub and staring at her intently.

“You'll have to figure that out yourself.”

“I thought you were supposed to be the Princess of Friendship.”

“I am, and as a Princess I'm ordering you to get out of my bath tub.”

I shrunk myself and began riding over the soap suds in the tub in a miniature boat. “I'm not actually in your bath now, I'm on the surface of it,” I said, the tiny vessel chugging away.

Twilight rolled her eyes and groaned.

“What do you expect me to say? You were gone for years and she's upset you left.”

“What if she hates me?” I said, my boat coming to a halt. “What if she wants nothing to do with me any more?”

Twilight picked up the boat with me in it.

“She doesn't hate you,” she said softly. “If she did she wouldn't have been so upset that you left.”

“She was upset Pine left,” I pointed out.

“To be honest, I think after Fluttershy realized why Pine had left, she missed you a lot more. She still values your friendship, Discord. She knows you didn't mean to sleep for eleven years. It's just going to take a while before things get settled. You've both been through a lot.”

“Y'know, normally I'm glad when I make a mess,” I said. “But not this time. Twilight...she looked so hurt.”

“So make it up to her.”

“How?”

“You'll think of something. You're the god of chaos. You always managed to change things, maybe not always intentionally for the better, but they seem to work out that way.”

“You know, you're like an annoying little sister to me,” I said, grinning as I grew back to my normal size, making her shriek again.

“You are DEFINITELY like an annoying brother,” she said.

I took her hoof and kissed it in gratitude, then I snapped my fingers and left Twilight to her bath.

I stayed awake quite late that night and beat Rainbow Dash three consecutive times in a row at Anugyptian chess. Boy, is that girl a sore loser. She moaned for hours until Applejack told her to get some sleep because she was making too much noise.

Pinkie had passed out hours ago on one of the floor cushions. I'd like to believe it was because Dash bored her to death.

I went to sleep last, curled up on a large round cushion on the side of the room overlooking the Neighle. Lights in the distance were reflected on the water. I watched them flicker until my eyes became heavy lidded and sleep took me.

Xolotl was angry.

“But it hurt me last time,” I said.

“Maybe that's because you're frigid,” he snarled.

“Maybe you could be a bit more gentle.”

“Hah! The Lord of Chaos wants me to be gentle? What's wrong with you, man? Do you seriously think anyone is going to love us besides ourselves? It's just you and me versus the world. So we may as well get used to it.”

He put his paw on my back and pushed me down on my chest while I braced myself for the inevitable.

I woke up when I felt a soft weight on my chest. Bleary eyed, I glanced down to see the top of a pink mane. I could feel Fluttershy's soft breath where my neck fur met the feathers on my chest. Her arm was around my neck. She had undone her loose braid and her mane looked wavy and soft from being tied up all day. My heart leapt in my chest at the sight.

"Hello?" I said uncertainly.

"Hi, I couldn't sleep."

"I couldn't either," I half lied. I hadn't had a fitful sleep, but I had dozed off. Fluttershy had woken me up, but I was glad my nightmare was over. Besides, I wasn't one to complain about a beautiful girl visiting me in my bed.

Gingerly, I touched the top of her head with my paw, and when she relaxed further into my fur and feathers I gently stroked her mane. The back of my eagle hand gently moved up and down her arm. She must have felt how fast my heart was beating from the position of her head. Even in the deserts of Anugypt, she still smelt faintly of grass and something that was indefinable but definitely Fluttershy.

After a moment I said, "I would fix it all if I could."

"I know."

"You...you were right to yell at me."

"Oh, um. I'm sorry about that."

I laughed. "Oh, don't be, Fluttershy. I must admit I like your assertive side. Plus I did totally deserve it. I screwed up...again."

"You don't have to be so defeatist, you know."

"Oh, but I do or someone else will do it for me, I'm just pipping them to the post," I joked, though she must have sensed the edge of sadness in my voice, as she sat up and leant on one arm, looking down at me so I had a view in the moonlight of her green eyes and soft mane above me. She really was beautiful.

"Discord?"

"Mmm?"

"I know you don't mean to cause trouble."

I chuckled.

"Most of the time I do, Fluttershy. But I get what you mean--I don't mean to cause trouble for us. I'm just worried that I'll end up doing so whether I mean to or not."

"So that's why you really left."

"Yes."

She lay back down on my chest.

We lay there silently for about a minute or two then Fluttershy said:

"I like your chaos, Discord."

"You do?"

"Yes, sometimes I admit I find it scary, but that's only because it's exciting not knowing what's going to happen next. It's part of who you are."

She finds me exciting.

"Do you find me scary?"

I felt her smile against my feathers. "I did at the beginning. But it's pretty clear I don't now."

"Yes, mares don't tend to hug things they find scary, I must say."

She laughed into my feathers.

I wrapped both arms around her. I think if she had asked me, in that moment I would have kissed her. I would have run my paw and talon through her mane, kissed her, made love to her. Anything she wanted. I would do anything for her. Anything.

As it was, the thought frightened me. I knew what I was like when I was in love. Xolotl had practically chewed me up and spit me out.

Of course, Fluttershy would never treat me the way Xolotl had. But the intensity of the way I felt did worry me. I hate feeling vulnerable. Absolutely hate it. Vulnerable is how your enemies get you, and I had a lot of enemies. Fluttershy wasn't an enemy...

Nevertheless, I felt that if she ever knew how much I loved her it could potentially be used as a weapon against me. If  ever screwed up horribly again (and I would. I'm me.) then she might not want me around any more. Or I could go back into stone.

Yeah, I'll admit it. I'm still terrified of being statued again.

So it's a good thing she didn't ask me to kiss her, or make love to her, because I might have not been able to resist. And we all know how these things work out. I'm sure eventually I would do something else to hurt her, because that's who I am. I am clumsy with matters of the heart.

People who spend their life alone usually are.

But...I could enjoy this moment, couldn't I? A few hours of having her here with me while I held her and she held me. I rested my cheek on the top of her head and inhaled the familiar scent of her mane.

Eventually Fluttershy dozed off and I listened to her snoring sweetly. I knew I wasn't going to get any sleep that night. My heart was beating too fast for me to feel relaxed. I lay awake lazily playing with strands of Fluttershy's mane while she slept.

Which was how Twilight found us in the morning.

"Oh! Am I interrupting anything?" she said, looking startled.

"Sadly not, though I would have loved to have seen the look on your face if you had been."

"Ugh!"

Fluttershy shifted at the sound of Twilight's voice.

"Oh, it's morning," she said.

"Yes, and we have a council meeting in an hour."

I got up and stretched my back, which made a sound like a xylophone as each vertebrae shifted.

"Great. We have so much boringness to look forward too,” I said.

Dust and Dirt

So we all know by now that I'm sweet on the Element of Kindness. Right?

Oh, is that all, Discord? I thought you were merely recounting how you felt about the intricacies of Fluttershy doing her tax returns. Yeah, I get it. I'm about as subtle as a freight train on fire.  You win.

I bet someone out there is laughing. I bet you are laughing. So am I, you know, but probably not for the same reasons. It just feels like someone is playing a cruel joke on me. You see, I'm chaos. Chaos isn't about kindness. It isn't really explicitly about anything. If it can be said to be about anything, it's about change. It doesn't stay put and neither do I.

Kindness on the other hand--kindness is steady. It's soft and gentle and welcoming.

I'm a crashing destructive wave, and she is a cool stream. A cool stream that nutures everything around it in a delicate balance.

So someone must be laughing at me, because I can't ever meet the cool stream and feel its nuturing solace without destroying it completely and carrying it away with me.

But I want it so very, very badly.

Why me?

Enough handwringing. I suppose I should get back on track.

Anugypt has gone through so many changes.

When I first decided to roll into town, the jackals were in power. During this time Anubis ruled with an iron...er...paw, I suppose.

He was a total stick-in-the-mud. Then he stole the sunlight. You'd think this would have plunged everything into chaos, but it didn't. It was insufferably boring. No one wanted to play at night, everyone stayed locked in their homes. There was no one around to mess with.

So it was inevitable that I would side with the opposition.

Baast plunged Anugypt into all out riot and war. It was so much more interesting than people hiding in their homes. And best of all it made Anubis angry.

"I've not seen this much chaos since the last Ice Age," I said to her.

In the midst of the mayhem and scuffle she grabbed my head and kissed me full on the lips.

Baast then waved her tail under my chin in a very specific manner and invited me into her bed.

I was of course a total gentlecolt and refused. "Baast," I said while patting her paw in a completely chaste manner. "I don't think this is appropriate at this very moment and I wouldn't want you to get involved with someone who might not give off the best impression as consort to a ruling queen." Then I turned around and went to practice crochet in the comfort of my own home.

Just kidding. We went at it for weeks. Oh darlings, you have no idea.  I guess the idea of all the mayhem we were causing around us was something of an aphrodisiac. I would be a total filthy liar if I said I didn't enjoy it. The filth, I mean.

Until she got clingy. She wanted me to be her King. I'm telling the truth when I say I had no idea she had deeper feelings for me. If I had, then of course I still would have slept with her, but I would have pointed out that I didn't want anything more from the outset. I may be Randy Pan the Goatboy, but at least I'm ethical Randy Pan the Goatboy. Yes, you read that correctly. Even I have ethics--yet another thing most people find shocking because they're so determined to write me off as a complete soulless monster.

Anyway, I left Baast one night while she was asleep. Yeah, I did the Walk of Shame. Actually it was more like the Slither of Shame, where I moved along the ground to escape the notice of any of her fellow cats, but you get my meaning.

It wasn't just that I didn't feel the same way about her, it was the idea that anyone might try to control me and we all know how I feel about that. There was no way I was going to become her King by marrying into a royal contract.

But if it weren't for the war I started with Baast the place would probably all be inbred jackals by now. Rather ironic that it took our destruction for things to settle into what is now modern Anugypt.

The current rulers were a jackal and cat--Ophios and Sechmis respectively. Yup, somehow through all that kerfuffle, some of the jackals and cats realized they had a thing for each other, and there were secret trysts on both sides. Sometimes people were caught and punished for it. I for one, was rooting for the secret rumpy pumpy, not least because it pissed Anubis off so much.

Eventually ponies moved into Anugypt, as they so often do everywhere.

I wonder how some of Celestia's subjects would feel about knowing both a cat and dog ruled together. Not that Celestia cares about that kind of thing, but some ponies are stuck in their narrow-minded ways. The old pony/dragon thing is still taboo. Needless to say, so is the pony/draconequus thing.

And yes, if Celestia had asked me back then I totally would have, but she was too busy encasing me in stone for that to happen. It's kind of hard to engage in a bit of the old how's-yer-father when you're a statue anyway. Also when the object of your desire is actually trying to stop you from being chaotic. It's something of a mood killer.

So yes, Ophios and Sechmis ruled modern day Anugypt now, which was a much more peaceful (but boring) place. The extra diversity was about the only interesting thing about it.

We stood outside the throne room waiting for the guards to let us in.

Twilight looked visibly nervous.

"There's hope for you yet, Sparklepants," I said.

"What do you mean?"

"You're nervous. You're still not used to the formality of royalty. Which means you haven't yet had your soul destroyed by bureaucratic boredom. Not yet anyway." I flashed a toothy smile at her.

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"Good, it was meant as one, and I'm not in the habit of giving them out, so treasure it always."

She looked sternly at me. "Please be on your best behaviour, Discord. Whatever that is."

I put my paw on my heart and raised my eagle talon.

"You may enter," announced the guard.

Ophios rose from his throne, "Princess Twilight Sparkle," he began, "once again we are honoured that..."

His eyes fell on me.

"What is he doing here? You did not tell me that Set was with you!" he roared.

Oh, right.

"Set?" said the ponies and Spike in unison.

"The one who causes disorder! It all makes sense now! The storms are definitely his doing! He can take on many forms. The Buffalo call him Coyote and my brethren in Central and South Amarerica call him "Huehuecoyotl", but he is not a dog," snarled Ophios as if this was some kind of insult. "Who knows what he is, and you brought him here!"

Sechmis put her paw on her husband's arm. "My ancestors have said he is a force for good. He brought change to Anugypt."

"He caused an outright war!" continued Ophios.

"Your Majesty," said Twilight. "We ran into Discord by chance. He is a friend to us. I promise you this isn't his doing. He would...have a bit more flair when it comes to these things. That war was thousands of years ago. We need to focus on now."

"How can you possibly trust SET?" said Ophios.

"Let's not get personal," I said, holding up my paw and claw. "You want to stop the weather from going nuts. We're here to do that. Or rather, they are. And I have no plans to stop them, but I think we need to speak to Mother Nature about this before we do anything...er...rash."

Everyone blinked at me in silence. I sighed.

"Look," I said, a bit more impatiently. "I can talk to her. There's a site about 30 miles from here where there is raw magic. If I can get there I'll ask her what's going on, in fact I can go now..."

"None of you are going anywhere unless one of you accompanies this miscreant to make sure he's actually telling the truth," snarled Ophios.

"Fine. Whatever." I said.

"Perhaps the Blue One will be of use. She seems strong and a fast flier."

"No, she's a pegasus," I said. "Nature doesn't like pegasi."

Wait. Pegasi. Pegasus.

"Fluttershy!" I shouted, causing her to jump a little.

"What?" asked the High Jackal, gesturing for me to elaborate.

"Fluttershy can speak to Nature."

"But you just said Nature doesn't like pegasi."

"She doesn't. But Fluttershy is different; she actually is in tune with Nature. She cares for it. She chose to live on the ground."

"That doesn't seem very...natural," sniffed Sechmis.

Ah, the old mistake people love to make. They think Nature is a constant line, when she really isn't. She's more an endlessly repeating pattern that slowly changes into another endlessly repeating pattern. For instance, someone will say "it's not natural" when something odd happens. In reality, very few things aren't natural.  There are exceptions. For example, taking someone by force or killing for reasons other than food. But that crap gets weeded out fast by Nature. It's not in Nature's interest to have a stressed out and terrified mate or for everyone to indiscriminately kill each other.

"That's not really for you to say, is it?" I said.

"Don't speak so insolently to my wife!"

I could see Twilight facehoofing next to me. I grinned.

"Or perhaps," I said, examining my eagle claws."She likes that kind of thing. After all, she doesn't get it too often, do you old girl? Ophios tends to reserve that kind of kinky talk for the ladies down in the Blue Neighle region."

Ophios looked pale.

"By the way," I said, getting out a claw file and going to work on my talons. "I was just telling the girls down at the brothel that they really should charge more for royalty. Especially since he doesn't like having concubines about. Heck, maybe you should just let them live at the temple. It would be much more...convenient." I purred the last word.

"Enough!" shouted the flustered High Jackal. "Fine, you will leave at sunrise and take the pegasus with you. Now get out of my sight before I change my mind."

I watched Sechmis dig her claws into the High Jackal's arm. "We'll discuss this later," she hissed at him.

Hypocrite, I thought. She had her share of lovers too, some of them cats.

The truth was, both of them knew and neither of them really cared, but what they DID care about was other people knowing. They wanted to save face. I told you, I know Royals, and they're almost invariably conservative hypocrites. Lay your dirt out there for all to see and I will have much more respect for you.

Celestia was smart not to marry into some deal. She kept her agency and her lovers. What? You think the Princess of the Sun doesn't have any? Of course, that's what people would love to think, that she rots away in a corner for her subjects and never enjoys life, but it simply isn't true. Luna could stand to get out more though. Maybe living in the moon for a thousand years gives you trust issues.

I bowed dramatically at the rulers. "Thank you, my Leige. I'll be sure to tell the girls down at the..."

Twilight was already dragging me out by the ear.

"Well THAT could have gone miles better!" she snapped at me as soon as we were out of earshot.

"What are you complaining about? We got what we wanted."

"It's not in our interest to have strained relations with other kingdoms."

I snickered.

"What's so funny?"

"Ophios is definitely having "strained relations."

"Discord!"

"Excuse me, Princess," came a voice from from down the hallway. "If you'd be so kind to let me escort you and your friends back to your quarters. Ophios has requested that no one wander around after sundown and it is nearly evening."

"Of course," said Twilight. We followed the jackal servant.

"How do you deal with stuffed shirts all day long?" I mouthed at Twilight as we followed the servant.

We passed many hieroglyphs on the walls.

Horus the falcon-headed, Thoth the Ibis god of wisdom and then a goddess that looked like a strange, amorphous blob.

I whistled. "She's a cutie."

Twilight punched me in the arm.

"Ah, that is Iset, the goddess of things that came before...what you call "Nature"."

Holy Oedipus Complex.

"Oh," I said. "Well she doesn't quite look like that."

As we turned to go back to our quarters I hung back and caught a glimpse of Fluttershy standing in the sunlight, looking at the view across Anugypt.

"It wasn't always this peaceful," I said as I approached her.

"I remember our little time-travelling trip," she said, smiling.

I thought of Baast and tried changing the subject. "So, you okay, then? About this trip."

"I think so. I'm a little nervous of course."

I sat on the steps of the temple and patted the stone next to me. Fluttershy sat down.

"Do you really think I can speak to Nature?" said Fluttershy.

"I think you already do, in your own way. Look at how many animals you care for."

"I lost a foal. That's hardly natural," she said so bluntly it shocked even me. I realized Sechmis' words had gotten to her.

"Fluttershy, as hard as it is to accept, it was natural. That kind of thing happens to mares sometimes. It doesn't make you bad or wrong or a freak. Not that I have anything against freaks," I said, waggling my eyebrows.

But she didn't smile.

"Pine says it wasn't natural." I could see the waterworks brimming in her eyes. Oh, heck.

I took her delicate hoof in my paw and talon.

"He was wrong," I growled. "As are those silly fertility cults you've probably read about. Nature isn't all about baby-making. You're not less of a mare because of it."

And if Pine was here right now I'd probably make sure he couldn't have any babies either.

The ferocity of the thought took me by surprise. I'm not actually a violent person. I'm a destructive person, but not violent. I prefer to be creative with my approach to messing with people. But right now, I wanted to sink my fang into Fluttershy's ex-mate's face for making her feel like she was defective.

"Don't cry, Flutters," I said as she buried her face in my chest feathers. "I know you're going to anyway, but Pine isn't worth it. No one is, to be honest. If you're gonna cry, cry for yourself. Not for a stallion who is clearly off his rocker for leaving you. Besides, if you get my feathers wet I'll have to preen them and that'll take hours."

She looked up at me, her face wet, but she was smiling at the self-deprecating joke, and the obvious hyperbole. I could easily snap my fingers and sort my feathers out.

"Don't worry about Nature," I continued. "I'm sure she's going to love you."

Her face was so close to mine. I pushed an errant lock of her mane behind her ear.

All you have to do is lean forward. All you have to do is lean forward and tilt her face a little and kiss her on the lips.

And drown.

I pulled back gently and cleared my throat.

"So, don't worry Flutters, eh?" I said brightly. "Maybe we should all get some dinner, get refreshed and prepare for tomorrow."

"Okay," she said. "Thank you, Discord."

"Anytime," I said.

I turned before I went back to my quarters to look at her. The light glinted off her mane and tail. I leaned against the wall and sighed.  My paw detached and slapped my face.

Get a hold of yourself, I thought. There's no time for behaving like a silly schoolcolt. That was a close one. Get a grip.

I reattached my paw and headed back to my room.

Late that afternoon we experienced our first dust storm.

The dust was so thick it blocked out the sunlight.

"I've seen something like this before," I said. "In Horsestralia."

I had put up an invisible force field at the open walls in our rooms. Spike and I stood together watching the storm through it. The others were eating dinner.

"Was it this intense?"

"Pretty much. It wiped out a town. Luckily stone is a lot tougher than wood and zinc."

"So why aren't you eating dinner with Miss Fashionista?" I asked.

"I...well. I. Want to...talk."

I snapped my fingers and two cold beers materialized. I opened them with my fang.

"Thanks," said Spike as he took the bottle.

"So", I said floating in mid air with my lizard leg draped over my goat one. "You want a dragon-to-draconequus talk eh? Being around too many mares making you go potty?"

He grinned. "If that was the case I would have gone potty ages ago."

"True, true", I said, floating on my back and knocking back my beer.

He hesitated, and stared at his beer instead of drinking it. Then he said "Why are there people who think the idea of Rarity and I together isn't natural?"

I laughed at him, perhaps a bit too loudly.

"Not you too!" he cried. "Why does everyone think it's wrong...why..."

I slammed my paw over his mouth to shut up him and continued giggling.

"Spike, look at me. Do you really think I care about whether or not people are into some inter-species loving?"

"Oh..." said Spike as I removed my paw and he grinned. "I guess not. Have you ever loved a pony?"

"I've loved many things Spike." For some reason I thought of the comet as I said this.

"And you didn't care what anypony thought of you?"

"Why should I? Why should anyone? If you care about her why should the opinions of a bunch of asses with sticks up their asses matter?"

"They...don't matter. But I'm worried that it might affect Rarity's reputation".

I looked at the young drake.

"Hey, Spike. If I tell you something, do you promise not to tell anyone else? Because I'm just saying, if you do, I might boil you like a lobster and feed you to the Neighle crocs."

He looked startled.

"Do I really want to know?"

It was more that I wanted to tell someone. Someone who might understand. Not because Spike was in love with a different species than himself, but because he was worried that doing so would mean bad things for Rarity.

"You might. But you mustn't tell anyone. Not even Twilight. Definitely not Rarity, it'll be all over Anugypt by sundown."

"Geeze, what is it? Are you dying?"

I laughed. "Oh, Spike. You truly don't get it, do you? I can't die. Either that or I'm very difficult to kill. I must have "perished" 250 different ways by now and I keep coming back."

"So, if you're not dying, why the secrecy?"

I held my breath and stared across the table at him.

"Let's just say you aren't the only one who is worried their reputation might sully someone else's."

There. That was vague enough. I really didn't think I could point blank say how I felt about Fluttershy. He'd have to figure that part out on his own. Then I wouldn't have to say it.

"You have feelings for a pony?"

Bingo. Also relief for not being too specific.

"You're in love with Fluttershy?"

I jumped a mile at the sound of Twilight's voice, and it was only by looking down at her and Spike from the ceiling that I realized I had leapt up there and sank all three sets of claws into the underside of the roof.

"Don't you know what knocking is?" I shouted from my upside-down perch.

"There are no doors in this place, Discord."

"Then maybe I should put some up!"

Twilight furrowed her brow at me and I let go of the ceiling with my forelimbs and hung there like a giant bat.

"So are you?"

"Am I what?" I said, folding my arms.

"Don't dodge the question. Do you have feelings for Fluttershy?"

"Keep your voice down!" I snapped.

"Well that answers that question," said Spike.

"I don't understand," said Twilight. "You left because you have feelings for her? That doesn't make any sense."

"I think he didn't want to sully her reputation," said Spike in what I'm sure he thought was a tactful manner.

"You make me sound like an uncouth tramp!" I shouted.

"No need to get hysterical, Discord," said Twilight. "I'm not going to tell Fluttershy about this. You'll have to do it yourself."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said firmly in retaliation, now floating upside down.

Twilight rolled her eyes at me. "It's so obvious who you're talking about.

"You think you can psychoanalyze me, Sparkle," I said, quickly materializing on the psychiatrist's couch that had suddenly appeared. Then I grabbed her face and pulled her head close. "She can't ever know."

"I told you, I'm not going to tell her. Geeze!" said Twilight, looking annoyed. I let go of her head and sat on the couch.

"That goes for you too, Spikey Wikey," I said in Rarity's voice, batting my eyelashes.

"Ack! It's creepy when you do that."

"I know," I said, smirking. "So not a word about it to anyone or I might wake up next to you one night batting my eyelashes."

"Discord! Enough!" said Twilight. "We're not going to tell anyone."

"Good enough," I said. "Oh, look at the time, I said taking a sundial out of my pocket, which didn't work in the dim light. "I'm awfully tired and I have a long day of walking through a dust storm tomorrow, so I think I'll turn in." I looked pointedly at them both.

Twilight sighed. "Come on, Spike. There's still some dinner left," she said.

I curled up on my round cushion and watched the dust rush past outside through the invisible barrier. I thought of the sunlight glinting off Fluttershy's mane and tail today and promptly felt like slapping myself. I couldn't be thinking about that now.

But I did.

She was bathing in the stream. Like a bird, she fluffed up her feathers and used the water to preen. I watched every curve and counter of her body as the water poured over it and trickled down her coat. I felt like a dirty old goat, which I suppose I partly am.

"Aren't you going to help me?" she whispered in a tone of voice that made me shiver with want.

Well, hell yes. I was there by her side in an instant, and I found myself actually trembling with anticipation as she unfurled her wings for me. I started smoothing back her wet feathers. Then I felt her back up against me and I moaned as I felt her soft tail underneath me. I looked down at her into her eyes.

"I want you," she said simply.

That was all I needed to hear. Suddenly I was kissing, licking and nibbling my way around her neck, her ears her back; my paw and talon exploring her body, then my lips found hers and we kissed and she pulled me down with her onto the riverbank.

I was woken up by an unusually strong gust of wind against the wall.

"You know, Mother Nature, this is getting ridiculous," I said out loud. Though I wasn't sure if I was referring to the weather or the dreams.

I growled in frustration.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't secretly hoping she'd crawl back into my bed again. It wasn't specifically that I wanted to,or was foolish enough to kid myself that I'd get lucky. I wouldn't have said no to that, mind you. (Oh ho ho ho, lord no.) Indeed, if she had wanted me I doubt I could have said no to the offer. But, it was more that being held by her, being in her presence, made me feel...do I dare say it? Safe.

Safe from what? I'm not really sure. I just knew that having her curl up against me in the dark that night made me the happiest I'd been in years. Of course my body wanted Fluttershy as well, but, how can I put this without it being a tad embarrassing? Horsefeathers. I can't. The fact that she felt safe and nice meant I wanted to be with her, but also bathe in her lovely stream. I wanted closeness, intimacy and I wanted to feel safe, whether it was curling up against her in her arms or making love to her. She would never hurt me. She would never hurt me.

You know too much now. I may have to have you taken down.

Nothing to see here, move along.

It's all a moot point anyway though, isn't it?

She doesn't feel for me the way I do for her. The idea that Flutters would even want me romantically or sexually is a pipe dream. So I decided, once I had curled back up on my cushion, that once this was all sorted, once we solved the weather problem and the ponies could go back home, that I wouldn't be going with them.

Oh, I want to. But I won't. I will slither away like I did with Baast. Except this time I won't hurt anyone. The lovely stream would go on without me. I would not cause a scene like I did with Xolotl.

I was equally confused by the feelings I kept getting from Mother Nature. I couldn't make head nor tail of the strong waves pushing against my senses every hour or so. It felt almost painful. What did she want? It wasn't like I'd held back on my chaos. I'd spent quite a bit of time turning the inside of the rooms we were staying in various colours and patterns. At one point I turned them (literally) upside down until Twilight yelled at me to stop.

I had no idea what was happening to me.

The next morning came too soon. Fluttershy hugged everyone goodbye and we set off.

"How are we going to get through all that dust?" said Fluttershy.

I snapped my fingers and created a bubble around us.

"Ready?" I said.

She took a deep breath. "Ready."

The dust blocked out the sun, and we were surrounded by darkness on all sides, except for the clear, lit windless pocket I had created around us as we walked. It seemed tolerable enough at first, but I think the strange howling noises the wind made started to get to my walking companion.

Fluttershy was trembling. "C-can't we just teleport there?" she asked.

"I'm afraid not. I don't know how nature is going to react to our request," I said. "Bear this in mind. We can't tell nature to do anything, we can only suggest it. No one can tell her what to do. She's stubborn that way."

Like mother like son, I thought.

"It's just...it's really dark and I don't know if there's anything on either side of us...watching us."

She froze in position and was shaking like a leaf.

"Fluttershy, come on," I said, gently. "You're braver than this. You know you are. You wrestle BEARS for Celestia's sake. You made a dragon cry."

She whimpered. Clearly sharp fanged bears were less scary than the unknown. I crouched down on all fours with her.

"Fluttershy?"

She was frozen in position, her knees knocking together.

"I won't let anything hurt you," I said, pressing my forehead to hers, my ears lowering. She relaxed a little.

"And I won't let anything hurt you," she said.  

Unfortunately, however, Fluttershy was right. We were being watched.

All along I've been a traveller

Walking around in the dust is a surefire way for a person to get lost. At least it would be if I was anybody else.

The only way I knew which direction we were heading in was the pull from Nature, which felt like an internal compass.

"What do you think will happen when we get there?" asked Fluttershy, her ears pinned flat against her head. I could tell she felt worn out from walking for hours.

"Not sure," I said. "We can talk to her, but she might not talk back."

I mused to myself that I had never taken a girl home to meet my mother and snorted a little at the thought. Actually I've never brought anyone home to meet my mother. I've known people who already knew my mother, but that isn't the same thing.

Eventually the dim light faded and night fell. The howling wind didn't bother me--in fact I quite liked it, (it's a very chaotic sound of course) but I could tell the sound was starting to get to Fluttershy. I snapped my fingers and the sound of birds tweeting replaced it inside the bubble.

"I guess we'd better get some shuteye," I said, and pointed to my face. "This stunning visage does need its beauty sleep you know."

Fluttershy didn't laugh. She still looked nervous.

"It does feel like we're being watched."

I sniffed the air and scryed for anyone nearby but felt nothing.

"We're safe, Fluttershy," I said reassuringly. "We should try and get some rest."

I dimmed the light, but only a little so Fluttershy could still see and feel reassured. She curled up inside the coil I had made with my body and we fell asleep, listening to the birdsong.

I woke up feeling like There was something at the peripheral of my memory and it made me freeze in that indefinable state between being awake and asleep. I tried to cry out but couldn't move. A strangled whimper managed to emerge from my throat.

"Discord? Discord!"

Then my muscles suddenly regained control of my limbs and I woke up, shivering.

"You were crying out in your sleep," said Fluttershy.

"What did I say?" I asked, alarmed.

"I couldn't make most of the words, but one of them sounded like a name. Sho...Shu...?"

"Xolotl." I finished for her.

"Who or what is a Xolotl?"

"It doesn't matter," I said, fluffing up my feathers and flattening them against my body again. "It was just a dream. Let's just try and get a bit more sleep, eh Flutters?"

"If there's something you're not telling me to protect me, I'd rather know," said Fluttershy.

I knew what she was thinking--that because I had displayed distress that meant I was putting on a brave face to protect her. She was half right. I was putting on a brave face, but it wasn't to protect her.

"You've got it all wrong, Flutters," I said. "I just had a nightmare about something, that's all."

"If it was just a nightmare then why won't you tell me what a Xolotl is?"

"Because I don't feel like talking about it!" I said a little too snappily. I instantly regretted the tone of voice I had used with her when her ears flattened against her head.

"Oh, no. No, no, Fluttershy. I'm sorry, please. I didn't mean to yell at you, it's just not something I've really discussed with anyone. It happened long ago and occassionally I guess my brainweasels come after me." I reached inside my ear and pulled out a long , muscular mammal. "Oops, no. That's a brainstoat," I said and it vanished as I threw it over my shoulder.

"Did someone hurt you?" Fluttershy asked.

I said nothing,  and looked at the ground.

"Oh, Discord."

"I...I've never told anyone this." I said, softening a little.

"Discord..."

She put her arms around my neck and pulled me downward, and I was suddenly looking up at her, my head resting in her lap.

She stroked my mane and it felt like salve on a fresh burn.

"It was long ago, really." I said. "I was barely out of colthood." I squirmed a little.

But I told her everything.

Xolotl and I had never had what you would call a calm relationship. Actually, that's an understatement. We both had fiery tempers, but Xolotl always managed to somehow stem his easily whereas I struggled not to on an almost daily basis. I got angry when he didn't understand me. I got angry when he was rough in bed. I got angry when he didn't listen to me, and then I got angry at myself for getting angry.

We had arguments almost daily, and then they would usually end in hate sex, which would usually end in another argument.

It didn't start off that way. I guess it never does in these types of relationships or people wouldn't be so eager to stay in them. Xolotl was encouraging towards me, and he liked making things mutate so I could watch.

But one day I found a bird whose life Xolotl had ended. I didn't like that the bird was dead. It was static, and final. Yes, it would rot but then that would be it. It lay there, unmoving and stiff with rigor mortis. Ants were already beginning to nip at the edges of its feathers.

I put my paw on it. "Wake up," I said softly. The bird blinked, then I watched its body soften as the rigor mortis faded away, then it fluffed up its feathers, looked at me and flew up into a nearby branch.

"Hey, where are you going?" I laughed. "I'm not done with you."

I snapped my fingers and the bird's beak grew to the length of its body, causing it to promptly fall off it's branch.

"Oops!" I said. "Better make that a bit lighter."

So I did, and the bird flew back up into the tree. It seemed quite proud of its new multicoloured bill.  I tilted my head at my handiwork and smiled. "I dub thee, Banana Beak!" I said triumphantly.

Xolotl was not at all happy at me when he saw what I had done.

"You can't just go around doing things like that! It isn't natural!"

"I've heard no complaints from Mother Nature. Besides, what did YOU do today? Go play with some slime mold?"

"I've told you to watch that smart aleck mouth of yours."

I smacked the back of my head and my eyeballs popped out into my paw, facing me.

"There, I'm watching my mouth now. Happy?"

"Oh good grief. Nevermind. Just don't do it again."

I laughed. "Why wouldn't I do it again?"

"Because I told you not to."

My temper flared.

"Oh, so now you're King of the Jungle? I think you'll find I'll do what I like," I said, and got up to storm off.

Except Xolotl's paw was on my tail.

"You ruined my work," he said. "Bit rich of you to whine about 'doing what you like' when you've just crapped all over what I did."

"If I wanted to crap all over what you did, it would have been an improvement," I said, curtly.

"I said watch your mouth!" barked Xolotl and he went for me.

His weight crashing into me sent me smashing into the forest floor on my back.

"What's the matter wi...?"

His paw covered my mouth.

"I think this has gone on a bit too long, Discord. It's time you learnt some respect."

I struggled, tried to use magic. I realized to my horror that I couldn't. It was only later that I realized I had been so surprised and terrified--not to mention hurt--by Xolotl's sudden desire to take me by force that something in my brain shut down.

I was vaguely aware of Fluttershy's voice, and I realized I'd almost been recounting the story in a monotone while staring into space.

"Discord, it's okay. I'm here."

"Fluttershy?"

I sat upright and she put her hoof on my lion paw.

I cleared my throat. "Ahem...I'm sorry you had to hear that," I said. I felt ashamed somehow. How could I have been that stupid? How could I have not remembered that?

"You have nothing to apologize for," she said softly, and rubbed my paw. I looked down into her beautiful, teal eyes, her softness and sweetness. She held her arms out and suddenly I was back in her lap, my paw on her leg as I tried not to cry, but inevitably my shoulders started to shake.

Like salve on a burn.

The dim light gradually returned around us as morning came, and with it came the calming of the dust storm.  The sky was surprisingly clear in all directions and the horizon showed something different and welcoming--the glint of the sea.

"We're almost there!" I said happily.

The last mile was a bit strenuous after all the walking we had done, as the ground began to rise up a steep incline. Vegetation was a more common sight the higher we climbed.

Eventually we reached the top of the cliff face and were greeted with the beginnings of a forest. Red flowers grew everywhere and dragonflies flew back and forth, hunting for smaller insects. From the top of here was a view of the sea, stretching for miles.

"It's beautiful," whispered Fluttershy.

"Come on," I said, bouncing ahead. "Let's go talk to Nature!"

Fluttershy followed me with an uncertain look on her face. Though she was clearly amazed by her surroundings, I could tell she still felt nervous about talking to the Nature.

"Hello?" she said.

I stopped and stared at her, then realized what she was trying to do. I bit my lip so I wouldn't laugh. Laughing would have upset Fluttershy.

"It's not like actual talking," I said. "The Old Girl prefers to communicate through your other senses."

She waited. I could tell she was beginning to worry that Nature wasn't going to speak to her.

"Relax, Flutters," I said gently." Just let it come. "

I pressed my body along the ground and looked up at her. "Sometimes that helps," I said.

She followed suit, listening intently with a confused look on her face.

"You're trying too hard," I said.

Suddenly a lizard ran out of the bushes and Fluttershy was on it like a shot. "Oh!" she exclaimed, her face bursting into a smile. "That's a blue striped Anugyptian skink! Wow, I never though I'd see one of those in my lifetime."

And they say Twilight is booksmart.  (Not that she isn't. I was just very impressed with Fluttershy's recall of animals she had only seen in books.)

She followed the skink until it melted away on the opposite side of the clearing into the bushes and she could no longer see it.

"Wow, that was just...wow!" she said, rearing up on her hind legs, her front ones pedalling in the air with joy.

I stared at her. "Discord! That was so amazing! I never thought I'd see one of those!" She was bouncing up and down like a mad thing and clapping her hooves together with joy.

"Wow, you're such a nerd!" I said teasingly.

She laughed joyously at me, then suddenly stopped as if she had heard something.

"I...I can feel her" she said, a look of awe on her face.

I watched Fluttershy percieve Mother Nature. Her left ear flicked forward gently, then back again as she listened.

"She...she says that the reason for the storm is she feels stifled."

"Yes?" I said.

"And that ponies are not giving her enough room to breathe and be herself. They aren't living in harmony with her, and they need to start doing that."

"Okay, so that's what we need to relay to everyone? Tall order."

"She says it can be done. It will just take work."

I stroked my beard. Would the ponies be willing? They seemed to be everywhere now. To the point where other species were suffering in their wake. But maybe with a Princess of Friendship and one of the Elements of Harmony already connected so close to the natural world things could change. I liked change.

"She also says we should stay for a few days," she said.

My ears pricked up.

"Well, she didn't exactly say it, it was more that I felt it."

"I know exactly what you mean," I said, smiling.

Fluttershy continued to bask in Nature's waves and then an expression of deep serenity appeared on her face.

"I've felt this before!" she exclaimed. "When I fell from the sky and all those butterflies caught me. I...I had no idea that was her I mean, I knew it was her, but not her her! Oh, sorry that sounds so nonsensical!" She laughed.

The sight of her basking in the glow of Nature was beautiful. She looked giddy with happiness. All of a sudden she threw herself down on the grass and giggled. She was like an adorable filly who had tried their first puff of Poison Joke Weed. Gone was the heavy-hearted Fluttershy who had lost her mate and foal. Instead she was now filled with joy as her eyes followed a flock of birds across the sky.

I had to laugh. "I guess she likes you," I said.

Fluttershy and I spent the next few days observing nature. Well, I actively participated in some of it. I made new kinds of mushrooms. Mushrooms that glowed, mushrooms that sang, mushrooms that exploded, releasing glowing spores everywhere that fixed to the sides of trees and grew to the size of truck tires.

Fluttershy tirelessly recorded everything in her notebook. I have to say, for all the time we spent observing nature, I was much more interested in observing her.

I know I'm a frisky old debauchee of a  draconequus, but it was almost as if I couldn't help it.

My eyes kept moving in a pattern--from her lovely face to her wings, to her tail. Dreams were one thing but I was going to have to be a gentlecolt. This I could do, but my eyes seemed to have a will of their own. At one point they exited my head to go wandering themselves and I had to blindly chase after them.

Then there was the urge I had to go collecting. I wanted to pick things up and show them to Fluttershy, and for the life of me I couldn't understand why. At least, not at first.

In the evenings Fluttershy would make a fire and we would sit around it and eat and she would show me her notes and sketches. I told her stories about when I used to live in the Land of Manticoria, where all creatures were made up of different animal parts.

She was very astute at picking out what parts of my stories were exagerrated or just outright lies and the evenings often ended with belly laughs.

One evening I was observing Fluttershy out of the corner of my eye when she suddenly got up and ran into the darkness of the forest.

"Hey, what's up?" I said, running after her.

I heard her voice in a small clearing. "I wanted to check something," she said. I found her looking up at the sky.

" I can see the milky way, just like you said!" she shouted happily.

"It's just like you described. Like someone poured psychedelic glitter everywhere..."

She flopped down on her back so she could better observe the heavens.

She looked bright and alive and full of wonder. Sometimes I live vicariously through Fluttershy's wonder. I've lived a long time and seen a lot of things, so very little surprises me anymore, but seeing the surpise on Fluttershy's face was a joy to behold.

I balanced my head on my eagle arm and faced her as I lay down beside her.

"I've NEVER seen so many stars," she whispered.

"Isn't it great?" I said. "It's just pure chaos up there. All those stars being born and dying and collapsing and it just goes on and on, maybe forever."

"Chaos can be beautiful," said Fluttershy, and I felt the hairs on the back of my lion paw arm stand upright at that statement.

"I'm very glad to hear you say that," I said.

I snuck a glance at her. Her eyes and mane shone in the starlight.

She scooted over the short distance between us and hugged me.

"Thank you for telling me about this. It's even nicer to see it in person."

"You're welcome," I murmured, surprised though certainly not disappointed at her sudden urge to hug me.

I wondered if she was going to let go. When she lay her head down on my my chest I had my answer. My arms seemingly snaked around her of their own accord.

"Hello," I said.

"Hello," she whispered.

She snuggled into my feathers. I wondered if I would ever tire of the feeling of that action.

"I...I'm tired," she said.

"Then sleep, you daft pegasus," I said, holding her close to my chest and stroking her mane.

"Hmm," she sighed and soon her breath was steady as she drifted off.

Her mane and tail were tangled up in my neck and legs, her muzzle pressed against my neck. I could have lain awake all night just to listen to the sound of her sleeping; her calm heartbeat, the gentle snoring.

I was never this patient.

"What are you doing to me, Fluttershy?" I whispered.

I was well and truly scuppered. I was gone. Lalala, Discord is smitten. Twitterpated. Screwed. Up the Neighle without a paddle. Wholly  and completely lost and drowning.

Not only that, but being so close to a place of natural raw power and scenery was...well. How can I put this?

I was starting to behave oddly. No, I mean moreso.

I realized this one morning when I got up earlier than Fluttershy and felt the urge to present her with objects.

While she was sleeping I left a blue feather (one of my own) a flower, a pile of fruit and an iridescent shell in front of her.

I knew what was happening to me. I had done it once before with Xolotl. He had taken one look at the assemblege and asked me "what is this rubbish?" then shoved it out of the way with his paw thus breaking my naive, young, utterly stupid little draconequus heart.

I was behaving the way male draconequii do when they're enamored with the object of their affection. "Be mine," says the assemblege. "I think you're pretty smokin'."

Except it says more than that.

I watched her from a tree nearby when she woke up. At first she looked puzzled at the assemblege before her, but as she started examining the objects in her insatiably curious Fluttershy way, she was smiling. I secretly thanked the ether that little to nothing was written about draconequus mating rituals, or someone as savvy with the natural world as Fluttershy might have figured it out.

I watched her examine the feather, and she ran a hoof up and down it, smoothing the barbs.

Yes, it says much more than "I think you're pretty smokin'." It says "I want you to be my mate."

A roll in the hay (and I've had many) and wanting to mate with someone are different things. Choosing a mate is a complicated process throughout much of nature, but basically it entails certain wants and needs and depending on what said animal needs it can be fleeting or lifelong--but it's always special. Sure, it's about two organisms with different blueprints for making another organism, but I'm not really talking about that, and I can't give Fluttershy foals regardless. (I honestly am not interested in having foals anyway. Sure, they're wonderfully chaotic, but they also require...ew...responsibility.) If mating was merely about baby-making then there wouldn't be ponies who preferred the company of their own sex. No, wanting a mate means "You understand me enough that I want to bare my soul to you to examine your soul and crawl inside it for a little while, please let me."

And if they let you, then bliss. But if they don't, well. I explained what happened with Xolotl.

Fluttershy had no way of knowing what the gifts meant, so by default she could neither reject or accept me. I was stuck in a limbo, and perhaps that was best.

I continued to look up at night sky as Fluttershy dreamnt.

Or was it? My paw ran itself through her silky mane.

I thought of Spike and Rarity.

Why should you care what a bunch of asses with sticks up their asses think?

Why indeed? What was the point in fighting it anymore?

I leaned forward and softly kissed Fluttershy on the forehead.

"I love you," I said.

And maybe tomorrow I would tell her that when she was awake.

Morning came, and I woke up without Fluttershy in my arms, making me ponder for a fraction of a second whether or not I had been dreaming about having her wrapped around me. Then I remembered where I was. I remembered she had said I was beautiful. I put my arms behind my head and pondered the situation. I was going to tell her how I felt, no doubt about that now. I found myself actually practicing what I was going to say out loud.

"Fluttershy...I. Hmm. Fluttershy, you've come to mean a great deal to me. Not that you didn't before! I just mean a greater deal..."

I sighed and pinched my brow with my talon. I felt like a giddy schoolcolt having his first crush.

I sat up on my elbows and looked around. Though I couldn't see her I knew she was nearby as I could smell smoke and the scent of breakfast coming from further down the beach. It was possibly because of these olfactory distractions that I didn't sense the dog god before his huge, twisted paws plowed into my back, knocking me flat on my chest and crushing the wind out of my lungs.

I wasn't sure what sound I made at that point, but it probably was spelt something like "hhrrrrggglle."

"Hey, Discord," snarled the voice next to my ear.  I felt my body go numb with fear, and not just for myself. He was going to hurt her. He was going to hurt her and I couldn't move. I felt useless and pathetic and angry.

"Fluttershy, run!" I managed to shout, before Xolotl's paw pushed me down on the ground again and his second paw pinned my arms behind my back.

"Not a chance, Huehuecoyotl," he said, using one of my old names. "I've been tracking you for quite some time. It was easy, to be honest. You always were a show off. I just had to go wherever chaos went. Had to get a look at what sort of delectable dish you were keeping from me, and I must say I'm not disappointed.  My, my, you're punching above your weight there, aren't you?"

"Have you ever looked in a mirror, or is it just that the glass breaks before you can see your reflection?" I snarled back, though my magic was still paralyzed with fear.

"Discord?"

No. No, no. Run away!

"And here's the little lady," grinned Xolotl.

I was filled with horror for Fluttershy. Had it been anyone else threatening her they would have been turned into dancing sea monkeys by now, but no. It had to be Xolotl. My only hope was for her to get away. Her look of terror mirrored mine.

"Run, Fluttershy, for the love of Celestia, run!" I shouted.

"Oh, I don't think you'll be able to run far from Old Xolotl, will you, gorgeous?"

At the sound of the name, Fluttershy's expression transformed into one of cool resolve, her eyes hard.

"YOU." she said.

"Oh, you've heard of me?"

"Yes, I have." She started to walk towards him.

"Nooo," I groaned. I was starting to struggle in the manner of a fish out of water, flailing on the ground but the paws pushed me down again and again. Xolotl always was physically stronger than I was.

"I've heard a LOT about you."

"Is that so?"

I continued to smash the unpinned parts of my body on the ground in frustration and fear. I growled with rage through gritted teeth as I tried to break free, but Fluttershy continued advancing towards Xolotl.

"You should feel ashamed of yourself," she said angrily. "Ashamed!"

I felt Xolotl freeze, and despite myself I raised an eyebrow.

"We all know why you act the way you do, destroying everything. It's because you can't help your nature, and because of that you think everyone else should have to suffer, just like you."

Fluttershy was on a roll.

"You're just jealous. You're jealous that Discord can see the beauty in things and you can't. Because you're not allowed to. The only thing you can see beauty in is decay. So you have to make more of it!"

"You," shouted Fluttershy--and Xolotl cringed further and further with every syllable-- "Are a BAD DOG!"

I felt his paws go loose around my sore wrists and I quickly crawled away from him. Xolotl had his tail between his legs and his ears were flattened against his huge skull. With a strangled whine he ran towards the sea and jumped off the cliff face. I heard a splash as he hit the water.

When I had picked my jaw from off the floor I stood up.

"Fluttershy that was AMAZING!" I exclaimed, then I fell on my back, cackling with glee. "I knew you were good with vicious, snarling beasts but that just takes the biscuit."

"The dog biscuit!" she exclaimed cheerfully and we rolled over laughing until our eyes were streaming and my ribs hurt.

I flew off towards the ocean.

"Where are you going?"

"To gloat, of course!" I laughed.

In hindsight this has always been a failing of mine. I just can't help poking things with sticks, even long after they're dead. I just can't let things stay dead.

I found Xolotl clinging to a piece of driftwood.

"So, Xolly!" I grinned. "Got your butt whipped by a pony, eh? And a mortal one at that! How does it feel to be on the receiving end of the equine form of a rolled up newspaper? No, no, no--wait, don't tell me. She 'ruined your work'. Boo hoo hoo!" As a final indignity, I turned around in mid air so that my back was to him, and lifted my tail, effectively mooning him.

"You think you're so different from me?" he snarled. "Do you think creatures like us are meant to love? Have you ever loved someone and had them love you back?"

"What are you yammering about," I sneered.

"What are you, what is your purpose?"

"Not this again. I know what I am."

"Which is?"

"Do I need a name badge? Do I have to staple it to your forehead? I'm the Spirit of Chaos!"

"...and Disharmony."

That's my title. Do you need my Curriculum Vitae?"

Xolotl flashed his white teeth at me. "You're not getting it, are you?" he said.  "Has it ever occured to you that the reason you're and will always be alone is because you are disharmony?"

"Are you still talking?" I said, looking at my talons.

But Xolotl was on a roll. "It's always one-sided because you are disharmony. And I'm decay. Everything I touch will rot..."

"Do you expect me to feel sorry for you?" I growled.

"...and everything you touch will either be hurt or you will feel the pain it inflicts on you. Do you seriously think she'll ever love you? Not that I blame you for chasing that piece of tail. It would be very satisfying to watch her rot. But why should I get in the way when you can probably do it for me?"

"If you lay one single, rotten hair on her I'll neuter you myself."

"I won't have to!" laughed Xolotl. "You'll end up scuppering it because that's what you always do. But the best part --and it's one I made peace with centuries ago-- is, she'll hate you for it. She'll hate you even if that wasn't her intention, because you are disharmony, and disharmony just doesn't work with something so close to harmony. But you'll try anyway, because that's what you do. And it's only a matter of time from the smell coming off both of you."

"Shut UP" I growled and clawed at his face with my eagle talon.

He gave a bark of fear and vanished by melting into the sea.

I was shaking. I was no longer afraid of Xolotl, but of something much worse.

When I returned to the edge of the forest, Fluttershy ran to me and thew her arms around me.

I gave her an awkward pat on the back.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm...fine." I said, in a way that heavily implied that I was obviously not fine.

"What's wrong? What happened? What did the dog say?"

"Nothing important," I lied.

"Won't you talk to me?"

"No," I said. And vanished up into the canopy of a nearby tree.

"Discord, please talk to me!" she cried.

I lay down on a huge branch and rested my head on my paw and claw. I felt numb.

It's always one-sided because you are disharmony.

I stared out across the forest and narrowed my eyes, thinking.

Xolotl had never loved me. I didn't want Baast's love. Come to think of it, whenever anyone got clingy I didn't want their love. It felt like suffocation. I'd certainly felt attraction to others, but they never showed any interest in me, and as I explained before, I don't take others by force. I had itchy feet when it came to staying with a partner who desired more from me.  This never bothered me much, as there were plenty of people throughout the millenia to fumble under the bedsheets with,as long as I had an escape route in the morning.

But when it came to getting closer it had always been one sided. Always.

There was a reason I found Fluttershy irresistable. There was a reason I had dreams about drowning in her sweetness almost every night.  Kindness could never be compatible with disharmony. Not without one or the other being destroyed. I had been right to listen to my initial instincts about keeping my feelings a secret from her.   At the very least, Fluttershy would never love me. At worst...who knows?

"Is it true, Mother Nature?" I said quietly. As usual there was no response other than the usual lapping gently at my subconscious.

"Is it TRUE?" I shouted, my voice echoing and a flock of crows emerging from the canopy at the sound.

Still no response.

I sat up on the tree branch and pressed my head against the trunk, my eyes squeezed tightly shut.

"I hate you," I whispered.

It was evening when I returned to base camp.

Fluttershy was curled up by the fire she'd made, talking to a lizard.

"Oh! Discord, you're back. Are you okay? Is there something...."

"We should go now," I said.

"Already?" she asked. "I thought we were supposed to stay."

"I just spoke to Mother Nature and she said we should go," I lied.

I am a consummate liar. I've lied my way out of all sorts of situations, large and small and I'd always gotten a small thrill out of it; out of knowing I was more intelligent than the sucker the lie was directed at. But this time there was no thrill, there was no game; only necessity.

"We can teleport there," I said. "No need to walk this time."

I put my eagle arm behind her withers and my lion arm around the back of her knees and lifted her up, then in a flash we were gone.

We appeared in Twilight's room.

"You're back!" the Princess said to both of us as I set Fluttershy down on the ground.

"What did Mother Nature say? Is there a solution to the weather?"

"Fluttershy can fill you in," I said, then stormed out of the room.

"What's with him?" I heard Twilight say, then I was out of earshot.

I kept walking down the halls of the temple. I felt angry. Angry at Nature, angry at Xolotl. But most of all, angry at myself. Angry that I couldn't stop myself from feeling how I felt towards my friend.

I decided I was going to leave. After dark, when everyone was asleep. But I would say bye to her, even if she didn't know it.

I wandered into the room after midnight and to add further protection against being discovered sneaking out, I made sure I was invisible.

Fluttershy was curled up on a large, square cushion. Every now and again her back left hoof gave a tiny twitch as she slept.

I sat down in front of her on the cold stone floor.

"Sorry, Flutters," I whispered. "Gotta go. For what it's worth I'll never forget your kindness, and your friendship."

I ran my eagle talon through her mane.

"I won't forget you. I couldn't even if I wanted to."

My eyes stung. I took a deep breath and stood up. Then I walked out, like I always do.

I could have teleported, but I chose to walk. For some reason I wasn't in the mood and I had no idea where I was going to teleport to. Better to just walk out of the city and wander around after that.

I decided to walk along the Neighle back to the coast. At the very least maybe I could catch a passing ship somewhere.

About 200 yeards along the Neighle, I tripped over something. "What the..." I began. The crocodile snapped sideways at me and chomped off my arm, which I promply replaced.

"Are you okay!" shouted a concerned jackal. He ran up and shooed the croc away with a large stick. It hissed at him and retreated into the darkness. "Back, back I say!" shouted the jackal.

"Oh I'm fine," I snapped. "Just peachy. I've had my entire existence stomped on and now things are trying to eat me."

"They've been a nuisance since the water disappeared yesterday," explained the jackal.

"Disappeared?"

The jackal pointed to the riverbed. To my surprise the water had mostly receded, with small muddy patches of water sustaining nothing more than a few flapping fish.

"How far back does this go?" I asked.

"All the way to the coast."

I felt the blood drain from my face under my fur.

"Gotta go," I said, and teleported straight to the coast, or rather, 100 feet above it, where I looked out across the sea. Or rather, I would have done if there had been any sea to look at.

"Oh no," I whispered. "No, no no."

I had seen this before. It was maybe 4000 years ago off the coast of Horsetralia. There was no water anywhere. The sea bed was open to the elements. I remember thinking this was very novel and I flew up high to get a better view. That was when I saw the wave developing about 3 miles off the coast. Then all of a sudden the water returned, much faster than it had disappeared. The trees in its path snapped like pencils, some of them simply falling over from the sheer force of it all. I could see animals running, but they never made it.

This was what Nature did occassionally. A slate wiper. She had to let off steam.

Afterwards I flew down to see what remained. I found so many dead animals. All dead. And unlike the bird Xolotl had killed, I couldn't undo what Nature decided to kill.

I don't like death. It's so final. It can't change back or go forward.

I snapped my fingers and quickly appeared in the room Twilight, Rarity, Spike and Fluttershy were sleeping in.

"Wake up!" I shouted.

"Wuh..." said Spike, rubbing his eyes. "What time is it?"

"Time to go!" I said, pulling the cushion out from under Spike and Rarity.

"What's happening?" said Twilight.

"We have to leave, now."

"Why?"

"Why? Because there's a giant tsunami heading this way and it's not here to play Candyland with us! Seems we were too late. Nature is angry, and we have to leave."

Fluttershy was awake by now and looking at me in horror.

"Go tell the others we have to leave!" I said.

Spike ran out of the room to do so.

"We can't just abandon Anugypt," said Twilight. "All these people! There must be something we can do to stop this."

"There isn't," I snapped.

"We have to try, Discord!" she replied and ran out the room. These ponies, always with their pointless optimism.

I dropped down on all fours and faced Fluttershy. "Listen to me, I said, putting my paw and talon on her shoulders. "Fly as far away as you can. I know you can't fly very fast, but fly upwards, if you can. The water's going to cover everything and you'll be able to get away if you..."

Her head was shaking at me. "I won't abandon my friends."

I felt the urge to just shove her under my arm and fly off with her myself, but I knew she would likely never speak to me again if I did so. Maybe I could cope with not being around her, but I was certain I wouldn't be able to cope with her hating me.

"Fluttershy, there's no way to hold off this. Tons of water is going to come crashing down on Anugypt in a matter of hours, maybe less, and smash everything like matchsticks. Harmony isn't going to work this time. NOTHING is going to stop this. You have to leave. I'm begging you."

"I can't." " She looked at me defiantly. "I won't."

Damn it all.

"I have to go talk to her," I said franctically.

"To Nature? I thought you said we can't tell her what to do."

"Fluttershy, since when have I ever listened to authority?" I said, grinning. But inside I was terrified. Terrified of going up against a force as powerful as nature, and terrified that in a few hours Fluttershy would be no more because of it.

Once again, I was flying upwards above the coast to observe a giant wave, but this time I was more than a spectator.

"Nature!" I shouted, with all my senses, including regular speech.

"Don't do this!"

I felt pain as I said this, almost as if she had slapped me.

"They're my friends. I'm begging you not to do it. I've never asked you not to do something before, but please, please just this once, please."

There was silence, almost as if she was considering it, then to my horror I saw the wave advance.

I thought fast, then lay down sideways and stretched my body as I simultaneously increased in height so that I became a living wall 500 feet high.

That was a mistake, to put it mildly.

The wave just increased in height, then it crested as it rolled downwards towards me.  I was unable to hold the magic and found myself shrinking to my former size.

Then I felt myself spinning round like a catherine wheel on the crest of the wave. Water was no longer my friend.

"Not her, not her, not her, not her!" I shouted over and over like a mad thing. Then "Pleeeeeeeeeeaaaase," in a shrieking voice and then the water was in my lungs, filling up everything and I couldn't breathe. The last thing I was aware of before everything went black was the sickening crunch of my bones as the wave and I hit the cliff face.

Motherless Child

I have never understood the phrase "fights like a girl."

You know it's often said by stallions as an insult to other stallions. A statement that tries to degrade your opponent as physically or mentally weak.

"You're a girl," your opponent is implying. "Girls are weak, and therefore inferior."

People who think girls are weak and inferior have obviously never had 75,000 tons of girl plow into them at 500 miles per hour and hit the side of a cliff face.

I do not remember anything between the moment I hit the cliff and waking up in the hospital bed. Well, I have a vague memory of Applejack saying something like "I aint never seen anything like it! The wave just hit the cliff then drew back. Then all of the sea water came back slowly and normal-like." But then I blacked out again.

I was apparently found at the foot of the cliff, about a half a mile away from the site where Fluttershy and I had gone to speak to Mother Nature. Well, she spoke to me all right. I've said time and again that I can't die, but I can feel pain and be injured. When I was found Twilight made Rainbow Dash hold Fluttershy back so she wouldn't have to see me. I was broken beyond recognition. Twilight set to work immediately with healing magic, and that was enough to reassemble some of my bones, but in the end, I needed actual manual care and was gently carried back via unicorn magic to the Anugyptian hospital.

Once in hospital and I was awake I wasn't what you would call a model patient. The fact that so many of my limbs were mismatched anyway meant the doctors had trouble deciding how best to fix my broken body. I drifted in and out of consciousness. Or maybe that was the drugs. The lovely, lovely drugs...

Ahem.

I remember having visitors. Twilight and Fluttershy especially. Twilight reading to me, though I don't remember which book, or any of the words. Fluttershy kissing the pad of my paw and saying she wanted me to get well soon.

One day I was well enough for visitors without the drugs. I still felt horribly sore, but it was nothing like the agony I had felt shortly after arriving in hospital.

I was lying on my side when Twilight came in to say hello.

"Hey, Sparklepoo," I croaked.

"How are you feeling?"

I grinned. "Like I got hit by a tidal wave."

"Touché."

"We have to catch the boat back to the coast and get on a ship to Equestria, but the doctors say you should be okay in another few weeks. I'll make sure your travel arrangements back are comfortable."

I went still.

Twilight looked confused, then recognition sparked in her eyes.

"You're not coming home?"

"Is it necessary that I do?"

"What about Fluttershy?"

"Oh, she's better off without me there clogging up her life and making things difficult."

"Does she know how you feel about her?"

"No, I haven't told her."

"I don't believe it. After all you've been through--both of you! You knew how much it hurt her when you left, and you're not going to come back with us?"

"Mare, please. It will hurt her far worse if I go back with you guys. How do you know I won't pull a Tirek again? How do you know my chaos magic won't tear a hole in the universe because Princess Celestiarrgh and Moon Moon want to reign me in? How do you think Fluttershy is going to feel then?"

"I'm sure the Princesses will be willing to forgive and forget once they've heard what you did to save us."

"I'm sure their platitudes will be graciously accepted by the public. Perhaps I'll get "Discord, shoo!" and "Discord, you are just the worst" every 2 days instead of every 2 hours."

"I am the Princess of Friendship. I will make sure that your bravery is known and that you will be given a proper welcome back to Equestria. Your chaos magic will likely be integral to mending the bonds between the ponies and Nature."

"Twilight, maybe that crown is on a bit too tightly and it's restricting blood flow to your head, but in case you haven't noticed, I just got my ass kicked by Mother Nature. I'm in a friggin' hospital bed.

"Discord, please reconsider. You have friends in Equestria. We're your friends, despite what you think. Fluttershy is your best friend."

"And that's why I can't go back," I said.

"You're not going to budge on this, are you?"

"I'm as stubborn as a mule, but definitely sexier."

Twilight ignored my joke. Her ears drooped a little. "I'll...I'll tell the others you aren't coming home. But, Discord?"

"Hmm?"

"I don't think Fluttershy is going to be okay with this."

"She will." I insisted. "She's stronger than she looks."

One by one the others came to say their goodbyes. Rarity and Spike told me they were thinking about making the relationship official.

"Who cares what anyone thinks?" said Spike, smiling at me.

"Atta boy," I grinned.

Pinkie hugged me just a little too tightly and I managed to communicate this to her by wincing.

"Oops! Sorry!" she said.

Then lastly, Fluttershy came to see me.

She lay her head down on the pillow next to mine, so that our snouts were almost touching.

"Come home," she said.

"I can't," I said softly to her.

"I don't understand. I thought we discussed this..."

"I don't get it Fluttershy," I continued in a soft tone of voice. " Why do you forgive me so easily? You're certainly no doormat, so that can't be it. What is it that I could possibly give you that makes you want me around?"

"You're brave," she said. "You're smart, you're funny, you're all those things, but not when you're like this...when you run away. Can't you see it, Discord?"

"I'm not a very good friend to you, Fluttershy. Look at all the pain I've caused you, and that was even before I left."

"Have you learnt nothing?" she said, her eyes flashing. "What happened last time you left?"

"This is...different."

"Different how?"

I sat up, and winced at the sudden pain it caused me.

"I know what I'm doing," I said, once the majority of the pain had passed.

"That's what you said last time. Are you even going to tell me what the dog said to you?"

"No," I said, hugging myself.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want it to be true."

She didn't press any further at this statement. Instead she said: "Is there anything you want to tell me?"

Oh Fluttershy, you have no idea. I want to tell you many things, but I can't. I can't.

"Just one thing," I said.

"Yes?"

"Please...please don't hate me."

"Hate you?"

"Yes. I can cope with you being angry at me. I can cope with you thinking what I'm doing is wrong, but if you hated me...I couldn't bear it, Fluttershy."

"I could never hate you."

Oh how I wanted to cry. But I couldn't, because I knew I would just give in and go home with her. Instead I took hold of her hoof and patted it. I cleared my throat and said, "Best you get going, eh Flutters? You guys have a boat to catch."

"Discord..."

"Just go," I croaked. I didn't dare turn around. I didn't want her to see the tears forming in either my eyes or hers.

"Please," I said, my voice breaking.

She let go of my paw.

"I...okay," she said. Then: "Goodbye, Discord."

It was the same tone of voice she had used at me the evening before I had left her cottage 12 years ago. Sadness, but tinged with anger.

I'm sorry, I thought. Then she was gone.

That night I was in excruciating agony, and it had nothing to do with my bones.

I never was very good at managing emotions.

After 3 weeks I was a free draconequus. The High Jackal and Cat wanted to bestoy some sort of honorary medal on me but I told them that wouldn't be necessary. What would I do with a medal, especially with no Twilight around to gloat at?

I decided to stick with my original plan of catching a passing ship, but first I wanted to go and talk to Mother Nature, and that involved going back to the cliff face.

I sat at the very top of it, facing the sea. The breeze ruffled my fur, mane and feathers. I pressed my ear to the ground only to hear...nothing.

I tried again.

Nothing.

I don't mean there was no response. I don't mean I could feel her but she just wasn't answering my questions. I mean I felt NOTHING.

Disturbed, I snapped my fingers and conjured up a singing umbrella.

Okay, my magic still worked. I looked at a nearby white flower and snapped my fingers again, intending to turn it into red flower covered in spikes. Nothing happened.

Panicking, I went round the edge of the forest trying my magic on anything- trees, stumps of wood, rocks, frogs. Nada.

I sat down on the ground, my head hung low, my ears drooping.

My mother wasn't speaking to me. Fluttershy was gone.

I sat there all day, until night fell and the stars came out one by one. I looked up into the heavens. That was when I remembered the comet.

In all my existence, I never saw the comet again. I probably could have if I looked for it, but I never went back to search for it. Who knows where it was now.

Life's too short, girl. At least it is for everyone who isn't me.

In another 30 or 40 years Fluttershy would be gone.

That was when I realized, she wasn't the comet. I was.

I was the one who was going to go on and on through darkness and she was the one who would fade away and I would be alone, forever travelling.

Alone.

I curled up into a tight ball, covered my face with the tuft of my tail and wept.

I didn't want to be alone.

The Final Letter

NOTICE: RETURN TO SENDER. ADDRESSEE NO LONGER AT THIS ADDRESS

From: Fluttershy

Everfree Green Cottage

Ponyville

To: Discord

Anugypt

Temple of the High Jackal

Dear Discord,

I hope you are feeling better.

I...I know how you feel about me.

No one told me. Well, I had confirmation from Twilight when I asked her once we were back home but I figured it out on my own. It was when we went to speak to Mother Nature. I don't know much about Draconequii courtship, but I do know what bower birds are. I must admit I'm not very good at picking up things like that when observing other ponies...but I do recognize what a mating ritual is. And that was your feather.

I'm not sure how I feel about it. I don't mean that I have a problem with it, I just mean I don't know how I feel from my end. It's been a crazy few weeks, let alone years! I feel flattered that you feel that way. I just need time to think.

I guess that's the reason you've stayed away. I don't know why, but you must have your reasons.

Can I just say, Discord, that I understand? At least I think I do.

You've been alone your whole life. I used to be alone until I had friends, and it took me a long time to accept that I was good enough for them. I don't know why it took me as long as it did, I guess life does that to you. Whatever problems there are we can work them out together. I do wish you would come home.

I'll tell you what? I won't bring it up again until you do. How's that? No matter what, though--I will always, always be your friend.

Love, Fluttershy

Pursue happiness with diligence

It was still dark when I arrived back in Ponyville. It was spring, and though there were flowers, there was a hard frost on the ground. Some of them were going to make it and others weren't.

I began to move towards the cottage. I walked faster, and it felt like an eternity. I didn't want to teleport, didn't want to startle the occupant. As I tried to pick up the pace I felt the caress of nature slowly curl towards me, pull me. For whatever reason, she had forgiven me.

Despite my haste, I hesitated when I reached the door. I pressed my forehead against the oak. Was I doing the right thing by coming back? I felt nature curl inwards, telling me to go inside.

The birds and crickets were singing in the early morning; calling for mates.

I hesitated, then pushed the door open.

She was there, asleep on the sofa next to the cooling fireplace. Her body had curled up slightly in her sleep as the cold morning air began to creep in. Her pink hair pooled around her gentle face. My friend. Someone who actually wanted me around. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, and I could never tell her that, because she was far too precious to gamble. Maybe I should have, because of what I felt in the doorway, but who among us can say we always listen to our parents?

But I would be near her.

I knelt beside the sofa and  laid my head next to hers. “I'm home, Fluttershy,” I whispered. She continued her soft breathing as she slept.

“I'm so sorry,” I continued, the tears streaming unchecked down my face. “You were right. I never should have left. It doesn't matter what other people think of us. All that matters is you and what you feel. I don't think I should be here. I...want to be here, but I don't think I should be. I don't think I'm good for you, but if it makes you happy--if it really makes you happy-- I'll stay. I'll stay for as long as you need me to. You...you have no idea how much I care about you. It frightens me. But I'll stay. I'll stay and I'm not leaving until you tell me to go away."

I wiped my streaming eyes with the back of my paw.

I had let more cold air into the room when I opened the front door, so I gathered Fluttershy up, blanket and all and carried her up the stairs. I could feel her instinctively curl against my fur for warmth in her sleep and it caused a wave of tenderness in me so fierce I felt light headed.

I  laid her down on her comforter and  kissed her softly where her mane met her forehead, then headed I downstairs to make a pot of tea.

The sun was just starting to turn the sky a soft pink as I filled the kettle at the kitchen counter. I looked out the window at the hills in the distance, thinking about all I'd been through. Thinking about her.

I heard a creak on the stairs behind me.

"Discord?"

I turned around. "Fluttershy," I said.

Home is where the heart is. I have itchy feet.

I am such a contradiction.

The End