The Courtship of Derpy

by Paton Pendeng

Chapter 1: Chapter the Only

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Celestia sat upon her throne and sighed despondantly. She looked downward at the place where her last nobleor prince or whoever they were. They weren't even that good. She flicked her half-lidded eyes over to the mountain of gifts she recieved from courtship. There puppies, boquets, boquets of puppies, cake, fruit baskets, wine and thousands of roses. Her sister would be different. She would take a hoof full of the stallions who courted her and all the presents as well. She knew why she kept all the presents, but as for the courtiers, well... they would join her "private cabinet." Celestia would've protested against her harems, but then again Luna was from another time.

The truth of the matter was the Celestia couldn't find her soul mate. She tried looking past their faults, and even then she didn't find any to be too interesting. There were nobles who liked to blather on and on and on. There were two kinds of nobles though, really young, or really old. The old ones were plotting to take her throne and the young ones only cared about themselves. Then there were the commoners who, bless their hearts, tried too hard. Most of the roses in the pile were from a single stallion who said that he bought out every flowershop of their roses. Celetia didn't need to be an accountant to know how much in debt he was.

Celestia looked upon the mountain of gifts and wondered how fast she could resend them all. She wasn't one to look a gift in the horses mouth, but taking the gifts while disliking every last of them felt rather dishonest. That, and she hated the taste of roses. Celestia was so thusly occupied, she didn't notice the doors to the throne room open. She didn't notice the crinkle of paperbags steadily growing closer, nor did she notice the mare walking backwards towards her.

When Celestia turned to look back where her last courtier stood to become despondent again, she instead found a mare's rump before her. This simple sight brought the princesses mind to a screeching halt. As she took in what was before her more closely, (not that way you perv) she only found herself more confused. The mare wore paper bags on every hoof and even one upon her head. Celestia's first thought after looking at all of this was, "... why didn't she go with plastic?"

Derpy was lost. She didn't mean to, but she did. Her boss would be really sore at her when she made it back to the post office... Then he'd be even more sore when he found out that she'd forgotten her mailbag too. At least she remembered her lunch this time though! The mare took careful surveillance of her surroundings. Halls upon halls upon halls, and paintings almost every two feet! You'd think that she'd run into a maid at some point dusting the paintings, but then chances were that she'd probably get directions out and either screw up or find a way out. Either way, she'd have to go back to her angry boss.

Derpy soon found a large door. She carefully opened it, and gasped in shock. There was a mare trapped under the floor! Oh, wait a minute... That was her reflection. She looked into the room, and holy wow it was big! Like, it could have an entire snow day in here! Derpy took a few steps out into the main hall and looked at all the stained glass windows... Well, she tried looking at all of them, but her other eye found the corner of the ceiling to be very interesting indeed. She then saw something behind her that made her grimace. She had scuffed up the shiny floors! Thinking quickly derpy had a surge of absolute brilliance.

She took her lunch bag off her back and lied it open in front of her. The pegasus then took the individual paper bags that had her hay sandwhich, carrots, ice water and desert muffin out and put it into the main bag. She then put the smaller bag on her feet, and, after a surge of creativity, wore the bag on her head. Just to be extra extra careful, Derpy decided to walk backwards to make sure she didn't scuff up the floor.

She didn't notice that she was headed for the doors to the throne room, nor did she notice that she pushed it open accidently. In fact, she didn't notice anything other than the she was not leaving and scuffmarks on the shiny floor.

"Ahem," Celestia cleared her throat awkwardly after noticing she had spent a good few minutes staring at this mare's flank.

Derpy looked between her legs, accidently letting the paper bag fall onto the ground open end up. "Hi!" she said before righting herself. "How are you?"

"Um..." Celestia blanched, completely caught off guard by the mare's casualness. "I'm fine..."

"That's good!" Derpy said with a smile.

"Uh... don't take this the wrong way, but..." Celestia began once more. "Why do you have paper bags on your hooves and head?"

"Oh that's okay!" Derpy waved off. "I just didn't wanna scuff all your nice floors, and um..." Derpy quickly padded her head for a moment. "I don't have a bag on my head though!"

Celestia didn't know why, but she felt herself smile. "Yes, I can see that now..."

"Hey, um..." Derpy began while looking up at the pile of stuff. "What happened here? It looks like a Hearts & Hooves Day in here."

"Oh, well..." Celestia sighed at being reminded againd of the misery she sat through. "Today was Courtship Day for me..."

"Courtship Day?!" Derpy exclaimed. "Oh my gosh! Happy Courtship Day!" Derpy smiled sincerely for a moment before confusion overtook her face. "What's Courtship Day?"

"It's a day where a lot of ponies try to win over my heart with a lot of gifts among other things..."

"Oh! Um..." Derpy fumbled around for a moment before finding her lunch bag. "Here! We can hare my lunch if you want!" Derpy dug around in the bag for a moment before she pulled out the muffin. "You can even have the entire muffin."

Celestia once more found herself lost for words. She accepted the Muffin and watched as the mare before her approached her throne.

"Could you please scoot over?" Derpy asked kindly.

"... Y-yes. Of course!" Celestia replied nervously. Wait, nervously?! Celestia contemplated her anxiety while inching her tush over to give Derpy some room. The pegasus once more dug around her lunch sack before pulling out two halves of a sandwhich.

"You can have the bigger one," she says while happily handing over a half. "Sorry, but I can't cut even." Celestia took the half into her magic, still contemplating.

"Carrots are on the bottom of the bag," Derpy said as she took a bite of the sandwhich. Meanwhile, Celestia had come to a conclusion. She was sharing her throne and a strange mare's lunch and she was nervous.

"What's your name?" Derpy asked between chews.

Celestia sat agape. Was she being serious? "It's um... Celestia..." she managed to say.

"Nice to meet you," Derpy replied cheerfully. "Mine's Derpy."

"I... uh..." Celestia stammered. "I-it's nice to meet you too." She sat there staring at the sandwhich for a moment before deciding to take a bite. Maybe she should just go with the flow. That, and the sandwhich wasn't bad.

"Hey Derpy," Celesta began after a while.


"If you were so worried about the floor," she began. "Why didn't you just fly?"

Derpy paused for a moment before giggling like a filly. "I guess I just forgot!" Once the pegsus began to giggle, Celestia found herself being infected by it. Soon, the two were laughing about such silly nonesense. Celestia couldn't recall a time when she laughed so hard.

"So.." Derpy said after she had calmed down. "What else do you do on Courtship Day?"

"Hmmm..." Celestia mused. She had never having really thought about it before. "I guess... get to know the ponies..."

"Huh," Derpy resoponded after swallowing the last bit of the sandwhich. "Well, I guess that makes sense."

"What do you mean 'guess?'" Celestia asked.

"If their gonna win your heart, they have to know you first," Derpy mused. "Otherwise, how can you be friends?"

"The day isn't about making friends, Derpy," the alicorn replied after finished her half as well. "It's about choosing who you marry..."

"Well..." Derpy scrunched up her nose in thought. "Don't you have to be friends in order to want to get married?"

Celestia paused for a moment. "I... I never really thought about it like that before..." Celestia paused for a moment longer, feeling as though storm clouds were being cleared away in her mind.

"Say, Derpy," the white alicorn began. "Would you mind spending some time with me for a little while longer?"

"Sure!" the pegasus replied again in the same cheerful manner.

Princess Celestia could not believe what happened today. Her entire day, which consisted of eating ice cream until the void was filled after the courtships, had turned into the greatest day of her life. She entered her bedroom feeling an air of absolute happiness. She knew whom she owed it to...

"Woah!" the pegasus gasped. "It's so huge!"

"Yes," Celestia giggled. "It is, isn't it?" She laid a hoof upon her oversized mattress and pressed into it gently. Then, the surface shifted a bit as Derpy leapt atop it.

"So soft too!" Derpy said excitedly. "You're so lucky Celestia!"

"Sometimes, I doubt that..." Celestia replied casually. If she were mad and crazy, then they'd better had reserved her a padded room in the Hotel De Kookoo-kuchu. She levitated her crown from her head and onto her nightstand.

Derpy, meanwhile, looked out on the balcony and saw the red brazen sky. She quickly ran over and watched the sun in the sky. Celestia smiled as she watched her companion. She walked over and stood next to her as her horn illuminated. The sun's descent was slow, and she made it that way. She really didn't want today to end...

"I gotta go home soon..." Derpy said with a little regret. "My neighbor is probably be worried where I am."

"Well," Celestia began with a smile. "You can come over tomorrow if you want."

"Really? You don't mind?"

"Not at all, Derpy," Celestia sighed as the sun disappeared over the horizon. "Not at all..."

Author's Notes:

One off! WOOT! Don't expect something good. I just typed out words as they came out...

Next Chapter: Bonus! Epilogue: The Second Day Estimated time remaining: 11 Minutes
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