“That's a very pessimistic way of putting it-"

“There is no other way to put it because it's true,” I broke in. Katie held a finger up and looked like she wanted to say something but I shot her down with my glare. “You know... it's true...” I hissed.

A tense silence lingered in the room as she matched my stare. "Exactly," I muttered. She don't even have to say it because silence is the least subtle way of showing 'resignation' She knows damn well I'm stuck like this... forever... ever ever, ever ever!

I felt tears begin to build up in my eyes once again. Aw crap, not right now! Not with Dante and Katie in the room!

Jesus, why am I getting so emotional for? If this was yesterday I would have reacted with no emotion at all. I guess all the gender bender fics I came across on the web were accurate with their portrayal of r63 protagonists... because these female hormones are kicking my ass right now.

I rotated my body around, averting my face from the two siblings. “C-Can you two leave the room please?”

“Why?” They asked, their voices bleeding into each other.

“J-Just... go,” I whispered faintly but assertively.

“Okay.” Dante said, the sound of his footsteps traveling across the room and the door swooshing open soon being heard. It's great that Dante acquiesced, but I don't think Katie did; I only heard one set of feet...

“Why are you still here, Katie?” I asked without even turning around, my calm voice betraying the lack of humility I felt

“How do you know I didn't leave?”

“B-Because I only heard Dante's footsteps...”

“Oh...” she said sheepishly.

It took a few more sniffs until I officially regained composure. I took a deep breath, making sure my nose wasn't stopped up. “So I ask again: Why are you still here?”

“Because I don't want you to do anything stupid.”

What?

Her response piqued my curiosity a great deal, turning my despondent eyes to inquisitive ones. “What are you talking a-about?” I said while smearing my hoof against my eyes, wiping off the remaining drops of tears.

“I know you're angry right now and tend to make rash decisions, but I know you can control yourself. Don't kill yourself, Shawn, don't. You will regret that for the rest of eternity... in hell that is.”

I nearly snapped my neck as I viciously screwed my head around to face her. Kill myself? How c-can that thought even cross her head? “I-I-I... what do you mean kill myself!? I wasn't planning on doing that, Katie! Who the hell do you take me for?”

She leaned one of her knees on the floor to make direct eye contact with me. “So... if you weren't gonna kill yourself then why did you ask us to leave?”

“Because I didn't want you guys to see my cry...” I mumbled, which was unfortunately audible enough for her to hear.

She raised an eyebrow quizzically. “You're... serious?”

“Yes... how else am I supposed to react to being told I'm stuck like this?” my voice mingled snark but disappointment.

“I never said you would be stuck like this forever, Shawn. I said I 'think'.”

“ You implied it...”

“ No I didn't!” she grunted while clutching her fists together, the irritation in her voice becoming more susceptible. "All I said is this might be beyond our comprehension!"

“Yeah, well even if you're right, we both know what you meant when you said only 'someone' who is beyond our comprehension has the answers to my quandary!”

“W-what are you talking about?” she queried in a soft but abashed tone.

I growled and leaned my face closer to hers, my muzzle now pinching the bridge of her nose. “God! You implied God turned me into this, goddammit!" I raised my hoof as if I was about to smack her, but that was out of pure frustration. "Like, who the hell does this 'Jesus' guy think he is, penalizing me just because I believe in a meaningless, purely physical world!”

She scowled while slowly using her fingers to push me away. “No I didn't. I said cosmos, dummy! Do you even know what Cosmos are? As in cosmic rays?”

My eyes flashed for a split second. It was then that moment I realized how stupid I sounded. “Oh... my fault...” I apologized, giggling nervously to shake the embarrassment off. Yeah, I'm not the brightest light bulb in the package as you can see...

You're an ass... and you're dumb...you're a dumbass.

The blond hair girl sighed. “Even if it was God, why would he turn you into a Pony?”

“Hmm. I'm sure by now you know I don't believe in God, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah, you're an atheist. So?"

I shook my head. "No, I'm not an atheist! I'm just a guy who thinks organized religion is stupid, just like I think science is. I'm just saying... what if there is a 'God' and he really did turn me into this... mutated specimen."

She deadpanned. "Well, first of all, there are worse people than you out there. You don't believe God exists, big deal. I don't believe in mild pedophilia. Second of all, I don't think he would use his power to take a piss on a normal person like you, Shawn. No offense, but you're not that interesting to be a person of interest. Third of all, I don't think he has the power to do that. Just because he could stop a thunderstorm doesn't mean he could stop someone who's in the prime of their life."

"... I guess it wasn't 'Him' then."

"Exactly!" she chirped, grinning cheerfully.

"But the fact is... there is really no hope for me."

Her smiled faltered apace. She grabbed me by my shoulders and looked me in the eyes intently. "Are you slow?! Did I ever explicitly state you would be like this forever? No I didn't, so stop with the goddamn straw-man arguments!" she wailed while shaking my body back back and fourth. “All I'm telling you is to stop depending on becoming human again because this might be a little outta of our control!"

My facial muscles relaxed as I mused her statement. “Out of our control...” I muttered monotonously. “ You're saying it's a little out of our control, dude, how am I supposed to take that sentence? In my dictionary, the word 'a little' is a passive aggressive way of saying definitely!”

Her right eye twitched. “Oh my god... y-you're impossible! Ugh!" she broke her grip and quickly got off the floor. She then took it a step further by veering her attention to the wall.

I face hooved. Great job, Hopkins, you pissed off somebody who was actually taking time out of their day to help your making-poems-about-rocks ass.

At least you're learning!

I sighed."Katie I-"

"Since you think you have no chance at turning back, how do you plan on living from now?" she muttered in a low, stoic tone.

"...What?"

She turned back to me, laying her hands on her hips in the process. "What are you gonna do? Are you gonna try to adjust, or are you gonna live with a dark cloud above your head for the rest of your life?"

“I don't know,” I said without giving it an extra thought. “All I am thinking about is being a human again. I just can't imagine living like this forever..." I looked up to meet her blue eyes, only to see a glare so powerful it could make death melt in his pants. "...If you want a direct answer, I guess I'll live in despair the rest of my life."

"Hmm." Was her response. I'm guessing I haven't satiated her needs...

"What?"

"If I were you I would try to find the good in being a pony instead of sulking it up all day."

My tail flapped on the floor as my irritation aroused. "...You ain't got the answers, Katie, you ain't got the answers!" I barked, making her visibly flinch back. "We are not the same! You're a cheerful girl who has everything going right in her life right now, so of course you would find a way to be happy! But me ? It's not always sunny in the city of brotherly love for me, sister. Life has been pretty shotty to me for along time, but that doesn't mean I handle it by wearing a mask, an anonymous mask, on my face. I handle it straight up instead of fronting like it's alright!

"If I try to be happy about being a pony... I lose my integrity, my authenticity... my absurdity-I mean sanity! Most of all... I will be reminded about it every second. Life has kicked me in the uretha for the 100th time yet I'm smiling like it's all good?!" I snapped. "Do you understand where I'm coming from now, Katie? Do you feel my balls!?" I snapped while my slamming my right hoof on the floor.

She continued to quizzically watch me in silence.

I snickered cynically. "Of course you don't... you're not me! I can't cope with shit like this with artificial happiness! It's not me... it's a dumb suggestion! I-I rather turn to alcohol than to crap like that!"

A thick silence hung in the air after my tirade. I know deep down I probably shocked her by openly admitting to turning to liquor, but hey I'm just being honest. That's how much pain I feel from this. If I'm going to try and ignore my predicament, at least a hung over is an honest way of doing it! My head will hurt so much I won't even remember my real name.

“No you won't, Shawn..." her voice prodded into my ears. I turned around and saw her sitting on the floor once again. "Don't ever think like that, Shawn. That's... horrible. Look, just because your life is going to be different doesn't mean it's gone! Everyone rides their horse at full speeds during some point in their life, but there is a point in everyone's life where they get kicked off their horse!" she craned her neck out to get closer in my face. "So you know what you do? You get right back on and eat that horse!”

I took a step back, giving her a wry look. “What the hell are you talking about?!"

“I don't know, but don't even think about drinking or else you will die!" she said while hysterically opening the palms of her hands. "No seriously, you will be putting your life and future at risk. You're to good of a person to let a spontaneous transformation make you succumb to alcohol, Shawn! Yeah, you might have lost your humanity, but what do you still have?"

My ears flattened to the back of my head. Not from her question but her casual reference to my transformation. Meh, I'll answer anyways. "Uh... my personality?"

“Not only that... but your family.”

My... family?

I mulled over what she could've possibly meant in my head for a few seconds. “Oh, you mean support?”

She nodded. “Yes. I don't want to sound cheesy, but this could have been worse. What if Dante threw you in the garbage this morning? You would have been about seven thousand miles from the house by now! Can you imagine that, Shawn?"

"Uhh..."

"Exactly. You don't even need to try and put up a happy facade because you have a lot to be happy for! Yeah, life might kick you in the 'uretha' but that's what made you into the strong person you are today, am I right? You've been through worse than this before but you still made it out without Scottif-ying your life!"

At first glance you would think Katie is being a typical sycophant by fueling me with all these lies just to get me to ignore the severity of my situation, but she is somewhat correct. Nothing I've been through in life is worse than this... but it could be damn well near it!

I'm not gonna elaborate on that though... I'm just going to listen to Katie for once. She really touched me in places I never knew I could feel.

That's female anatomy for you, baby!

No... I mean mental feelings...

Going back to what I said, she really did open my eyes up a little. I do feel a little more re-assured than earlier. I guess the combination of her inspirational quotes and calm tone was enough to make me simmer down. Obviously she had to put in some effort to calm down... but why? Why would she waste her time with me?

I squeezed my eyes closed. "I don't get it, Katie. Why did you stay to help me? I can be extremely obnoxious at times but you still stayed. Why?"

She rested her hands on my shoulders once again, smiling weakly. "Because you're my brother, Shawn. I don't care if you look like it or not, but it is what it is. I stayed because I simply didn't feel comfortable leaving you in a room by yourself. You might say you wouldn't have killed yourself, but you would have done something fucked up regardless. The image of you taking a blood bath on the floor this morning is still stuck in my head..."

My eyes broadened. So that's why she keeps bringing up me 'killing myself'. It was my reckless actions earlier that led to her getting those crazy thoughts...

I suddenly felt the urge to wrap my hooves around her waist and embrace her in a hug. Yeah, this is somewhat uncharacteristic of me, but I'm not objecting. It's the only right way to show my 'gratitude'. “T-thanks..., Katie...” I muttered while pressing my cheek closer to her body.

From the corner of my eye, I peeped her looking down at me with a perplexed probing look. “Wow... you're hugging me voluntarily? Are you getting fluffy on me, Shawn?”

The jubilation that surrounded my aura disappeared as an irritated grimace came about. I jerked my hooves away from Katie and broke the hug. “Hell no! I was just... lost in the moment and-”

“-It's alright, Shawn. You can't help being you,” she teased

I rolled my eyes and turned away from her. “That's it, no more hugs...”

Katie paused for a few seconds, soon spiraling into boisterous laughter. I raised an eyebrow at her random outburst. “What's funny? I'm serious!” Her laughter increased in volume. I sighed and gave a little chuckle on my own. If you can't beat than join them I guess.

I mean, it was kinda funny. I know I really shouldn't be laughing at myself after having such an emotional moment... but I can't help but admit it makes me feel better. If all it takes is laughter... maybe I can cope through this?

“Shawn!” Katie yelled, brusquely cutting into my monologue, “did you take a shower today?”

“Uhhh... no. Why?”

“You smell Wreckin Ralph shook his ass, that's why.”

I stuffed a nose in my fur to confirm if her analysis on my scent was valid or not. The grimace that soon appeared on my face illustrated the severity of the odor better than any verbal action could. “You're right.”

“I guess because something is cute doesn't excuse it from it stinking,” she quipped.

I blushed. I don't know why but I suddenly feel very embarrassed. Usually I'm not that self-conscious about the way I smell. In fact, I would normally use this as an opportunity to annoy Katie by brushing my armpits on her while saying there is 'no chance in hell of me bathing.'

Maybe I should do that and make things feel less... awkward.

“But Katie,” I started, enlarging my eyes to dramatic effect, “I thought you liked my...bad smell.”

She grimaced. “What'ch talkin bout, Willis?”

“I'm talking about-”

What the hell am I talking about? Ugh, that's fucking disgusting!

“Yeah...well, I'm going to go now. Nice meeting you!” I announced in a rush.

I turned around and started to head towards the door. Well... that was different. I was really going to do it too, but something in my mind inhibited me. I don't know.. maybe I was-

"Ahhh!" I yelped as I missed a step and chucked forward violently, nearly falling flat on the ground. Only because I thrumped my hooves into the floor at the last second I was able to stop my falling fate.

Katie giggled in the background. “I'm guessing you don't know how to walk, huh?”

"N-n-n-n-no!" I said through gritted teeth, ashamed to admit it.

She chuckled. “That's because you're not walking right. You walk like you have a charlie horse, no pun intended.”

I rolled my eyes while turning my head towards her. “Okay, mistress Mandy, how am I supposed to walk then?”

She smirked. “Hmm. It's quite simple actually...”

Author's Notes:

Welp, this chapter was a bitch to make. It was originally 6,600 words, so I had to go through a lengthy process just to abridge it into what you're reading today. That's why the ending felt so rushed because it was another scene coming up. But, the ending to this chapter kinda ended similar to the last one: abrupt and cliffhanger-ish, so I might incorporate these endings throughout the whole story just to make the story feel 'unique'.