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Regarding Falling Villains

by naturalbornderpy

Chapter 24: Regarding Bonus Chapters: Canterlot Arc 2

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REGARDING MINIONS

Since most guards were well aware of the Blueblood incident, I found myself with extra room to wander the castle and its grounds. Bolt, more often than not, still hung close to my side, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t leave him behind. It was easy while in the maze-like flower gardens that grew at the other end of the castle.

A few days ago, I was enjoying an apple under the shade of a tree, mesmerized by the stone water fountain in the center of the yard. Considering the statue above it was one of Celestia’s likeness and her gratuitous derriere, I began wondering just how I might acquire a chisel and hammer. I’d lost track of my days here long ago, almost accepting my fate as Canterlot receptionist—so what better way to be remembered for all time than by carving “SOMBRA WAS HERE” into the Princess of the Sun’s plot?

I chuckled and finished my apple, throwing it into a bush.

I was musing again. More and more often, I found myself lost in my thoughts.

Thoughts of escape, thoughts of death, thoughts of murder. The usual stuff.

What pulled me from such whimsical ponderings was a pegasus guard standing in my view.

In his hoof, he held a piece of parchment which he read from. “Aren’t you sick and tired of your ruler’s disgusting tyranny? Don’t you wish for a more stable economic plan? Aren’t you worn out from being told what to do by a pair of imbecilic mares? Have you ever thought about the exciting prospect of minion work?”

He looked up from the note, one brow cocked.

“This is yours, isn’t it?”

My cheeks flushed and I chewed on my tongue. “I have no idea what you mean. And where did you even get such a note?”

“It was on the communication board. All of them, actually, right next to the advertisement for used patio furniture.”

I tapped my hooves together. “What else does the note say?”

“It’s clearly some kind of job application. Work would entail: treason, murder, assault, short-tempered boss, cave-like work environments, sadistic use of whips, eighty-hour work week, overwhelming likelihood of death, Sundays off.”

He hoofed the parchment over; the one I’d written and copied and posted around the castle wherever I could. While I wasn’t about to start a rebellion one stallion at a time, I thought I could at least test the waters a bit.

I couldn’t have been the only castle employee that wanted Celestia’s detached head on a spit.

I said casually, “Sounds tempting. Sure wish I could join.”

The guard snorted. “You can cut the act, Sombra, everyone knows they’re yours. You really think you could start some uprising right inside the castle?”

“Maybe.”

“What’s your benefits package?”

I didn’t understand. “My what?”

He sighed. “Canterlot’s benefits are some of the best. If I were to come work for you, I’d need to know I’d be covered.”

I still didn’t understand. “Wouldn’t the opportunity to bask in my opulent glory be enough for you?”

He shook his head. “Nope. I’d need dental and vision, to start. Retirement. Worker’s comp. Disability. That wouldn’t hurt, either. And you’ll need to pay for any overtime that comes up.”

I blanched. “Pay? I never said anything about paying you!”

He grimaced. “Then I don’t think you’ll be getting a lot of volunteers, Sombra.”

Abruptly, I stood and went to him. “Wait! Wait a minute!” I placed a hoof on his shoulder. “Think of it like this! You could be my second in command. You could follow my orders to perfection and one day you could throw down your life for me. Or, you’ll displease me at some point, and I’ll kill you myself. Either way, it’s a win-win scenario for everyone involved.”

He glared at me. “You’re insane, aren’t you?”

I smiled. “Makes the job a tad more interesting, don’t you think? What’s mean old boss Sombra gonna do today? What’s that? He killed hench-pony 21 and 24? Sounds like he’s sure in a mood!”

The guard didn’t seem as thrilled with the job offer as he should’ve been.

He closed his eyes and brought a hoof to his temple. “I already know I’m going to regret asking, but what would my first assignment be?”

“Killing Celestia, of course.”

“Just go and off the most influential alicorn in all of existence.”

“Yep. Maybe poison her soup or something. I’ll leave the decision up to you, though. Another perk of the job.”

“Then what?”

“Kill Luna.”

“I doubt she’ll fall for poisoned soup after Celestia did.”

“Maybe poisoned stew.”

The guard sighed again and removed my leg from his shoulder. “I think I’m going to pass on the job offer, Sombra. The job I have now is pretty safe as is.”

I frowned; the images of Celestia overthrown by her own guards and staff seeming more and more like some dream. How could they not understand what an amazing opportunity this was?

“I haven’t even mentioned Taco Tuesdays.”

He shook his head. “Thanks, but no thanks, Sombra. Good luck with the whole uprising and all.”

The guard strolled back towards the castle, leaving me in the suddenly chilly shade of the tree. He had made a mistake that day, I knew. Hopefully, the look on his face as I marched him towards the guillotine would suffice the feeling of rejection filling up my heart.

As the blade would ride down to his neck, he would scream, “I regret my earlier decision!” and I would nod, and agree at what a silly, silly pony he had been.

A week later, I held my first job opening. Only a single applicant came forward—a youthful guard in training whose hatred of Celestia’s was evident in an instant. Turned out, she’d forgotten his name once and never apologized for it.

I would have signed him up for team Sombra in a heartbeat, but one unforgiving detail forced me to cancel out arrangement.

He said he didn’t like tacos.

REGARDING HARSH REALITIES

It was in the middle of another overnight shift that it happened—when the overwhelming weight of my plight finally sunk deep into my skin and wouldn’t go away. For weeks, I’d denied it—called it something else and thought about escape and bloody vengeance—but the more time I spent at that desk, and the more time I really thought about my chances of victory, the more I started to crumble around the edges.

I couldn’t even concentrate on the latest crossword I’d received from that annoying mare Twilight Sprinkles.

In one sluggish movement, I whimpered and put my head to my desk. The noise was enough to catch Bolt’s attention.

He looked into my lifeless eyes. “You okay there, Sombra?”

I moaned again.

“You want a coffee or something?”

“No.”

“Another crossword? A book?”

“No.”

“Then what’s the matter?”

“Everything,” I grumbled. “Absolutely everything.”

He waved a hoof. “Oh, now you’re talking nonsense. Things can’t be that bad for you.”

I found I didn’t have the energy to lift my head. That was fine, though. I was used to being depressed. I told him, “Imagine you’re in my place, Bolt. Can you do that? Good. Imagine you’re brought back from the dead against your consent and are told that everything about you needs to change. Your very belief system is considered wrong and your entire character needs to be gutted and replaced. You have no way of fighting your suppressors and the one task you’re given is meaningless and dull. The Princess considers you more of a personal project than a real stallion, all to tell the world, if he can be changed, then anyone can. And perhaps most distressing of all is that the very serious prospect of death has been taken away from you. You kill yourself repeatedly to escape these tortures. And every time they bring you back, and return you to this chair.”

Bolt’s chin started to quiver, his pupils shrinking.

I continued in monotone, “You’re immortal, and so is your jailer, and the only way out is to destroy your original self and agree to every one of their demands, otherwise you will remain in a constant void of misery and torture. No one likes you. You don’t like them. And soon you find you don’t even like yourself. You have nothing to live for, but have no means of claiming something new, or even ending all the pain. So you wait, and you wait, and soon enough you find the waiting to be the hardest part of all, because you realize the waiting will never end.”

At the end of my little speech, Bolt burst into tears and wailed loud enough to echo off the walls. Before I’d had a chance to react, he wrapped himself around me and sobbed into my mane. As deflated as I was, I merely lay there and took it.

He said far too loud, “I’m so sorry! Oh, Celestia, what are we doing? This is sick! This is just sick! We’ve gone too far this time, we have! I had no idea, Sombra, I’m so sorry! What has become of us if even those in charge could do such a thing to another pony?”

His overabundance of tears coated my mane. Tiredly, I patted his head.

I mumbled, “There, there. There, there, Bolt. It’s not your fault. It’s only the job you were given, or something along those lines.”

He wouldn’t stop crying. Or touching me.

“Take comfort in the fact that I wouldn’t hesitate doing the exact same to you. Or anyone else in this castle.”

Bolt seemed not to hear. “This isn’t why I became a guard! What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with everyone here?”

The endless stream of tears was starting to get to me. I awkwardly pushed him away, his legs fighting to hold on.

I sat up in my seat and informed the tear-stained guard, “Never mind. I take it all back. Forget what I said.”

Bolt wiped at his face. “What? What do you mean?”

“I lied. I’m actually having a great time being stuck here. I absolutely love not being able to leave or die or have opinions of my own. I simply have trouble expressing my overabundance of joy.”

He stared at me curiously. “Really?”

“Sure, why not. Just stop leaking all over me.”

He sniffled. “Okay. Sorry. I’ll go… stand by the door again.”

I shooed him away. “Good. You go do that. Fly, fly, Bolt. Fly, fly.”

When Bolt returned to his usual spot, I started my half-finished crossword again. Although what I vented to Bolt held true, his reaction had my mind in a whirl. My strength and magic had all but been stripped of me, leaving me close to useless. Still, that wouldn’t stop my mind and my mouth from doing whatever it could to get the rest of itself out of this Tartarus-hole.

REGARDING THE POWER OF WORDS

I’d spent most of the morning practicing all forms of argument. Since I was to begin a nightshift in a hoofful of hours, I sprawled out in bed and went over every potential outcome. It was time, I felt; time to get out of this place and back into a seat of power, even if I’d need to find a new batch of magic to refill my stolen supply.

Trusty Bolt proved easiest to coerce.

“Did you hear that?” I asked from my desk, head angled to the side.

“Hear what?” Bolt asked.

My eyes went wide. “That! It did it again! Something must be leaking on the floor above, I’m sure of it!”

Bolt came over. “I don’t hear anything, Sombra.”

“That’s because you never pay attention. But I’m sure I keep hearing things, like running water. Maybe there’s flooding upstairs.”

Bolt pondered for a moment. “I highly doubt that.”

I clicked my tongue. “I’m sure Celestia would just love to pay for the water damages done to her castle while you stood around and did nothing.”

Bolt anxiously tapped his hoof against the floor. “You’re sure you’re hearing this?”

I nodded. “Absolutely.”

He wavered. “Okay, I’ll go check it out, but you got to stay put, all right?”

I grinned. “Would I lie to you, Bolt?”

He nodded. “Yes. Yes, you would.”

Even if I was outright lying to him at the time, I felt a little hurt. Bolt wasn’t my friend, but he was still… well, he was Bolt. Let’s leave it at that. “Well, I’m not, so get going.”

Bolt bounded for the stairs, and as soon as his last hoof disappeared from sight, I ran to the doors. Carefully, I nudged one open and sucked back the cool night air.

The moon was full overhead and a smattering of night guards patrolled among the clouds; a half-dozen other stallions routinely sweeping the castle grounds in a march, each one alone and holding a weapon at its side. With luck, I’d only run into a few of them. With more luck, my notions of making others uncomfortable with only words would lead to my escape that night.

I sank to the ground and sidled up to a row of hedges. I made it half-way down the lawn before a guard flashed his light on me, pinning me to the spot.

He lowered his light and chuckled. “You really think we wouldn’t see you, Sombra? It’s not like you’re the most well known occupant in the castle or anything.” He hooked a leg under one of mine. “Come on, I’ll bring you back. Maybe I’ll be nice and keep this little adventure to myself.”

I stood my ground and roughly flicked his leg away. “Actually, guard, as odd as it may seem, it was not the idea of escape that brought me out here this evening, but actually you.”

The guard pondered. “I think this is the first time I’ve ever said a single word to you, Sombra. I highly doubt you even know my name.”

I took a step towards him, and he took one back. “And more than anything I want that to change. I want to know everything about you, truly, I do.” I awkwardly dug a hoof into the grass and glanced away. “For far too long have I sat behind my desk, watching you from a distance. I know you are a passionate guard and take your job more serious than most. Although, underneath it all, are you not a lonely stallion, as well?”

The guard’s cheeks flushed red as his eyes went wide. “What… umm…”

I took another step forward, causing him to retreat into the hedge. Now he was out of room to back away.

I placed a hoof under his chin. “Why must two lonely souls deny themselves the company of each other?” I tilted my head to look at the rest of him. “Especially given a stallion as alluring as you.”

He gulped thickly. “This was not what I expected, and I am so uncomfortable right now.”

I tipped him a wink. “I’m sure I could make you comfortable.”

The guard began climbing over the hedge and away from me. “I need to go patrol some more… so how ‘bout you don’t escape and I’ll go over in this direction, okay?”

I heard him smack against the dirt on the other side of the hedge before sprinting towards the castle.

I grinned with every tooth in my head.

“One down. How many more to go, I wonder?”

It ended up being three. Another two guards on patrol spotted me along my slow crawl out of Canterlot, and each one I sent back running towards home. Each time as I watched their closely guarded plots scurry into the distance, I laughed until tears trickled from my eyes. Once on the move again, I started to wonder if it was a good or a bad thing I was doing so well at all this.

So for a long while, I stopped and pondered just that. Then I mentally crammed all that unwanted sexual and psychological questioning back into the repressed section of my head and sealed it shut with chains.

I could afford a personal revelation some other time. Tonight was my escape.

“So close, so close, so close…” I whispered, as I approached the bridge out of town. I was so excited I could hardly keep my hooves from shaking.

I crossed under one of the many lampposts illuminating the street as the sound of wings caused me to press into the ground. Perhaps I could become one with the shadows once more.

Approaching hoofsteps told me that would not be the case.

“I can see you, you know,” the guard said above me. “Making it this far, you’re in a lot of trouble, Sombra. I hope for your sake you didn’t hurt anyone to get out here.”

Still face-down on the road, I rolled my eyes and prepared for my next performance. I hoped this would be my last.

I turned to look at him, adding a hint of longing to my eyes. “It’s… it’s you. I can’t tell you how happy I am to finally speak with you.”

The guard furrowed his brows and roughly pulled me up. “Save whatever speech you had prepared. I don’t care. Come on. Get walking.”

He poked the blunt end of his spear into my side. I didn’t budge.

I said, “Please, give me a moment to explain. I’ve worked so hard to get here tonight, hoping to see you, to talk with you.”

He nudged me again. “Well, now you’ve done both. So shut up and move.”

“Has anyone ever told you how beautiful your eyes are?”

The pegasus grimaced. “What?”

I took a step towards him. “Because it’s true. I’ve seen you around the castle; patiently waiting for you to stop by my desk. You’ve denied me so many times already…”

“Why would I need directions? I work here.”

So close to the edge of Canterlot and the possibility of freedom, I decided to hurry events along. I must admit I was a better actor than I’d ever believed, but even I was starting to give myself the creeps.

I placed my hoof on his cheek. “Don’t you ever feel alone in this world?”

His eyes went from me to the hoof touching him.

“That doesn’t need to be, my gentle stallion.”

A hint of red found its way to his face, and I waited for him to spin around and trot back to safety. What happened instead, I’d not foreseen.

He wrapped his own leg around mine and said softly, “You really mean that?”

Small stars dotted his eyes as I struggled to think. “Yes. Totally. Umm… all those things I said before.”

I tried pulling my leg back, but he held on tight.

“I must say this is a welcome surprise, Sombra. Of all the stallions in Canterlot… the fact that you… it’s more than weird.” He smiled gently. “But I can’t deny how dark and mysterious you seem, or how suave you are.”

Well, he wasn’t wrong about any of that. But this was still going a little too far.

I choked out, “Then maybe you should trot back to the castle and write about it in your musings. How does that sound?”

He pulled my leg towards him. “You know, the night is still young, and I happen to know a secluded spot around here. What do you say to that, handsome?”

The hunger in his eyes made me crave my boring desk again.

Abort! my mind screamed. Abort with haste!

I stammered, “Maybe it’s best if we go back to the castle. I did try to escape and all.”

He shook his head. “Nonsense. I’ll bring you back later. It’s all right if you’re nervous. I’m nervous, too.”

With my leg still in his grasp, he pulled me away from the bridge. He starting talking about the sky and what a beautiful night it was, but I heard little of it.

I tried prying my weak leg away from him. “You’re oddly strong, aren’t you?”

He grinned. “Thanks. I get that a lot.”

A shadowy thick of trees lay a few meters ahead. I blinked sweat from my eyes.

I turned my head to the sky. “Luna? A little help?”

No alicorn descended to disrupt my sudden date.

Begrudgingly, I looked back at the castle. “Celestia? You can come punish me now if you like.”

No savior appeared.

In the shade of the trees, the pegasus released me to take off his helmet. With his back turned, I knocked him out with a nearby rock, sending him off to Luna-land.

Along the grass I watched him snooze, his gentle smile gone. I almost felt bad for the stallion. He seemed like a really nice guy.

REGARDING MOMENTARY FREEDOM

I crossed the bridge and took my first step off the Canterlot grounds. My hooves shook and I almost felt like dancing in my spot—the only problem being, I don’t dance.

I scanned the small path that led away from the bridge and giggled to myself mischievously. It had all been so easy. Why hadn’t I tried it before? To celebrate, I knew I’d need to start my reign of evil at once.

Then I thought of my complete lack of magic or strength.

I walked the road and came across a small path that connected to a house. At the edge of the lawn were a series of potted plants and a single row of daisies. “It begins!” I said as diabolically as I could. First, I knocked over each potted plant and stomped them into the dirt. Then I plucked out each flower with my teeth to munch upon. While chewing and grimacing from the taste, I strolled towards the house and found their recycling bins to the side of their welcome mat.

“My evil reign continues!”

I ground my dirty hooves into their mat before rearranging their recycling incorrectly. Wouldn’t they be in a kerfuffle come next garbage day?

A bead of sweat trickled down my temple as I tried knocking down their mailbox. Having about the strength of a filly, it took a couple dozen hits or more. But I knew my newfound wrath would pull me through.

Once the mailbox was defeated and on the grass, I jumped atop its metal frame and flattened it instantly. Bemused, I wondered if the past few months of sitting and eating might have increased my girth in a negative way.

Then I laughed heartily. Villains didn’t worry about their weight. Plus, I’d soon have a new cape to cover the extra rolls.

After relieving myself in their destroyed flower patch, I took a moment and surveyed my work. It was childish and silly, yes, but it was still a start. In no regard was I ready to become the Equestrian menace known as King Sombra right out of the gate. First, I’d need to find a way to regain my stolen powers. Perhaps I could leech off some unicorn, devour their very essence.

That sounded threatening, didn’t it?

Before leaving the scene, I held a rock in one hoof, preparing to toss it through the front window. I brought my leg back and whipped it forward, listening for the crash. When none came, I searched the road for another rock and found one identical to the first.

I shrugged it off and balanced it on my hoof again, only for it to disappear and return to the side of the road.

A chill crept up my spine. Now I found the need to make haste up the road.

I trotted hard, uncaring of the noise of my hooves along the path. Overhead came the steady beat of wings, lazily pushing against the air. I didn’t bother to look up. Only run.

I mumbled out, “Not like this… I’ve come too far. It’s not fair. It’s not damn fair.”

I came to a sudden stop when Princess Luna descended to the center of the path ahead of me. She seemed less than impressed, almost disappointed.

“You made it a respectable distance, Sombra, but now I must return you to the castle.”

I hitched in a breath. “No! I don’t want to go back! You can’t make me! I’ll kill you if you try!”

Luna rolled her eyes. “Threats will do you no favors here.”

I lowered my head and growled. I charged for her. Once close enough, I leapt into the air and tried striking her with a leg. Effortlessly, she blocked me with a hoof, sending me spiraling to the ground.

Now my leg hurt as well as my ribs. So did my pride.

I frowned and looked up to her. “Luna, can’t you look the other way this time? I promise I won’t kill you without fair warning.”

She took a step towards me and sighed. “If it were my sister’s watch, then perhaps I would. But since I am sworn to protect the night from all villainy and those that would do my subjects harm, I cannot let you continue. So, no, I will be escorting you back to the castle at once.”

I pouted and kicked at a pebble. “I’m still evil, you know.”

She put a hoof on my shoulder. “Yes, Sombra, I am sure you are.”

“I hit someone with a rock tonight. And I ruined someone’s garden.”

She patted me like a colt. “I am sure all the papers will make mention of your villainous spree come the morning sun. Shall we return you to the castle now?”

I continued to silently pout.

“Will you walk with me or do I need to drag you there?”

I crossed my legs over my chest and frowned. Why did it feel as though the whole world was suddenly against me? When had I become the epicenter of mockery? As though some simple buffoon with a quill that could control my life had decided to ruin it at every possible opportunity? I, personally, didn’t see the fun in it.

Luna sighed again. “Fine. I will drag you back. Please avoid the temptation to kick and scream as I do.”

“No promises,” I said, before a blue aura wrapped around my tail, pulling me up the road.

As my plot guided me back towards the castle, I first wondered if things could ever get any worse. Each twig dug into my side, along with every rock and bump I went over. What hurt the most, though, was that I’d made it all the way out of Canterlot before being caught—halted by my second most hated nemesis.

And to think at some point, I thought Luna cute.

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