Chapter Nine – Job Hunting

|[o’o ]|[(  ) ]|[o8- ]|

“I say pony can kill me now,” mumbled the hellhound, still spread eagle in the ashes of Arbu.

There was something oddly familiar about the mutant diamond dog, but Double Tap couldn’t put his hoof on it. Part of him felt as though he had misheard her, despite hearing her repeat herself. A much larger part felt as though this were some kind of trick to lure him in close for an easy meal. It was possible that she was just lazy, but even drunk; a hellhound was still to be considered a vicious killing machine. He struggled to find the words to convey his confusion and reluctance.

The best he could come up with was, “Why?”

The hellhound groaned and hiccupped, one paw lifting to the side of her head, idly rubbing. “I fight with honor, and pony beat me.” She peered up at him out of one eye. “You kill me or not?”

“You heard the monster,” Paharita called from the rooftops. The sun was low enough that it hung directly behind her, and even with sunglasses on, he could only make out her silhouette against the glaring light. “Get on with it!”

His horn glowed as he hefted up the empty forty-five and waved it at Rita. “I can’t kill her with this gun, jackass!”

Magic crackled along the fissure in his horn. The levitation field popped, sending the gun hurtling toward the griffon. It struck her in the chest, and she tumbled back with a squawk. Empty or not, now he had no guns at all.

“Shit.” Tap looked down at the hellhound again and took a deep breath. “Okay, look, this has already been a really fucking weird day. I’ve got a lot of shit on my mind as it is, so if you’re not gonna try to use my spine as a chew toy or what-the-fuck-ever, I’m just gonna go.”

He turned and made it three steps before he heard sniffling. “Oh no,” he muttered.

She was sitting up and sobbing hysterically by the time he turned to look back at her, her face buried in her massive paws. No, no, no, no, no. He fought to turn his head and keep walking, but found himself rooted to the spot. I don’t need this shit. I don’t want this shit.

“Please!” she wailed. “Please! You have to kill me, pony!”

Tap sighed, circled around, and stomped up to her side. “This has already been a really fucking weird day, so I guess a little more weird shit on top of that isn’t gonna make much of a difference.” He settled roughly on his rump, adding, “And if you really wanted to kill me, you’d probably be gnawing on me by now, so… you wanna hug it out or—”

“Not fair,” she whimpered, her whole body shaking. “Not fair! Pony supposed to kill me!” She tucked her knees into her chest and wrapped her arms around them, curling up. “Not supposed to be like this.”

“Yeah,” he droned, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He looked around, chewing the inside of his mouth. “What the hell is a bone-chewer like you doing all the way out here, anyway?”

“I was tracking you, pony,” she said simply, pointing one claw toward him. “Pony and griffon, but mostly pony. Track you far from home, away from valley. So much fun to chase! I follow you for days, even in rain. I only catch up one time, though.”

A chill ran down Tap’s spine. “Oh.” He looked the hellhound over, taking new stock of her now that he remembered her from their previous encounters. “That was you in the computer shop.”

She grunted out a chuckle. “It was! I try so hard to keep up, but you so quick and sneaky, pony!” A little smile broke over her toothy maw, but faded as another sniffle worked its way out of her. “I follow your scent all the way here, but this where trail break.” She frowned, looking down at her paws. “I think maybe you die here, pony, and that make me sad.”

He nodded. “I kinda… I was out of commission for a while.” His hoof ran impulsively ran along his chest, nudging the toothy necklace under his clothes. “I almost died here.”

The hellhound scowled. “No fair. You my hunt, pony.” She sighed, wiping her eyes with the back of her paw. “So many bodies here… I sniff and search and none of them yours. That give me hope, but not sure what to do. Maybe pick up trail again?” She shrugged. “Waste days searching. Never find it.”

“Why didn’t you just go home?”

She started to speak, but her words faded into a whimper. “W-when I start to think maybe I should be going home, there was bright flash in distance. I… I just—” She buried her face in her paws again, heaving and sobbing. “I not even need to be there! I just know.” He could see her eyes through the gaps between her claws, wide and red and wet with tears. “I hurry home as fast as I can, and when I get there… home gone. Pack gone!” Her eyes vanished behind her paws. “Nothing left but deep hole.”

“A megaspell,” he murmured.

“I know ponies do this.” She balled her paws as much as her claws would allow, shaking. “It always ponies! Ponies are monsters! They kill, kill, kill. Not enough to kill each other, they kill everything else!”

At a loss for words, Tap cautiously lifted a hoof to her back, gently patting. He withdrew his hoof as he felt her fur bristle. “Yeah, uh… ponies are pretty shitty.” He looked around again. “But why did you come back here?”

“I come here because this last place I track you, pony. When I get here second time, I smell fresh trail, so I wait and hope maybe pony return again.” She took a deep, wet breath through her nose, turning her head just enough to look at him out of the corner of one eye. “And when pony return, I fight pony until pony kill me, so that I join my pack with honor.”

A frown tugged at the corners of his lips. “Okay… so you’ve got a death wish? What do I have to do with that?”

“It has to be you, pony,” she said quietly.

Tap shook his head. “Yeah, no, I’m sure there are lots of ponies that wouldn’t think twice about blowing your brains out.”

“I fight many ponies, since I was pup. You different. You only pony that ever escape me so long.” She began to smile again, through the tears. “You only pony that challenge me. Never not fun to chase.”

“Thanks,” he said with an air of uncertainty, flashing a halfhearted smile. “So you’ve just been waiting here for me… to put you out of your misery?”

The hellhound nodded. “Want to die hunting you.” She closed her eyes and tilted her muzzle skyward. “Want to die doing what make me happy.”

There was a loud thud, which startled the both of them. Only Tap had leapt away, however. A moment later, he noticed the Punchline lying in a cloud of settling dust. Glancing upward, he could faintly see the grin Rita had plastered around her beak, nodding and giving him a thumbs-up. Tap sneered as he collected the weapon. He looked to the hellhound, and saw that her eyes were wide, her paws clutching the sides of her head.

“You alright?”

“I fine.” She exhaled and let her paws drop. “Thought maybe you pull trigger, pony. Startle me.”

He levitated the Punchline and flipped it open, noting that it was loaded, then flicked it closed with a click. “That’s what you want me to do, though, right?”

“Dogs supposed to die with honor,” the hellhound explained as he rejoined her. “Dogs are brave hunters. We not fear death.” She nodded, then looked down at the ground. “I little scared, though. I know pack waiting for me, but death is one-way trail. Scary to think about, you know?”

It was his turn to nod. “That’s why you got hammered.” She looked up at him and tilted her head, and Tap waved a hoof. “Drunk. That’s why you got drunk.”

She sighed deeply. “Yes. So I not think about it. But now I think and talk about it with pony that supposed to kill me.”

“Yeeeaaah.” Tap looked away. “I was ready to do it out of self defense, but I’m kinda getting cold hooves now that we’re talking and you’re not trying to claw me to death.”

“We don’t have all day!” Rita loudly whined. “Quit being such a wuss!”

“Want me to fight more?” The hellhound bared her teeth and growled, then interrupted herself with another hiccup.

Tap’s ears splayed as he leaned away from her. “Now hold the fuck on.” He shuffled his hooves as he tried to think of an excuse. “This is what I do for a living, right? I’m not just gonna shoot you dead for free.” She stopped growling and tilted her head. He continued. “You have to pay me, and I doubt that you’ve got any bottle caps.”

The hellhound shook her head. “What’s bottle caps?”

“Oh! My! Gosh!” Rita yelled. “Are you really trying to be economical about this? Who cares! Just friggin’ shoot her!”

Ignoring Rita entirely, he nodded to the hellhound. “That’s what I thought. So look, I’m not trying to say that you wasted your time tracking me all the way to Arbu, but—” An idea flickered to life in his mind. He lifted a hoof and pointed at her. “How did you follow me this far from Splendid Valley?”

Her face lit up with a bright smile. “I know how you smell, pony! Was a little tricky, you wash a lot. Not stinky like most ponies.” She chuckled and added, “Griffon extra stinky, though. That helped.”

An indignant huff reached his ears. He flashed a smug grin up at Paharita, and she shouted, “It’s not like we have stuff to do! Any time you wanna kill that thing is fine by me!”

“Actually, I’ve got a better idea!” Tap turned his gaze back toward the hellhound. “I’m not really feeling up to killing you in cold blood right now, but how about this; you help me—” He gestured toward himself, and then toward the rooftop Rita had perched on. “And that feathery fuck up there—track down this pony that we’re looking for, and then I’ll fight and kill you.”

“What,” Rita barked from above. “Absolutely not!”

The hellhound glanced up at Rita, cocking an ear.

He snorted and murmured, “Ignore that cunt,” then he gestured to her, asking, “I mean, what else are you gonna do? Mope around here and wait for me to come back?” He shrugged. “We don’t even know where this pony is, so who knows when that might be. You might as well help us out.”

She lifted a claw to her chin, squinting as she studied Tap. “Okay, pony,” she said after almost a minute of silence. “We have deal.”

“Fantastic.” He squinted up at Rita, pointing. “Hey chicken-puss, we’re gonna need to see those socks!”

|[o’o ]|[o’o ]|[o’o ]|

For the third time, the hellhound circled an enormous mound of dried-out seaweed. She was crouching, practically on all fours, with her nose hovering no more than an inch above the sand as she sniffed and snorted. Double Tap frowned, watching her carry on as she had been for the last several minutes. The length of their shadows had grown considerably as the sun hung over distant hills.

At his side, Paharita murmured, “We passed seven different lifeboats.”

“Uh-huh.”

“And she’s more interested in some shriveled plants.”

Tap sighed. “What the fuck do you want from me, Rita?”

He wasn’t looking at her, but he could see her talon wiggling in the hellhound’s direction out of the corner of his eye. “I want you to get my socks back, and either kill her or tell her to get lost! This is pretty obviously a huge waste of time!”

“Do you have a better idea, egg-brain?” He glanced over at Rita, brow furrowed. “We don’t have any idea where to find Raspberry Tart, and this bitch can literally smell her way there if she can pick up the trail.”

“Or, and this is just a thought—” Rita balled her claws, shaking them up and down. “We can ask anypony if they’ve seen her!” She thrust a talon in the hellhound’s direction. “Or at least we could, if we didn’t have that thing leading us around! It’s kinda hard to ask for leads when everyone either runs away or pulls their weapons when they see us coming!”

Tap rolled his eyes. “Some of them were probably bandits. There’s all those prospectors hauling stuff out of the ruins of Friendship City, so there’s gonna be some sleazy motherfuckers hanging around.”

Rita puffed out her cheeks. “So you shoot ‘em! Don’t be a sissy!”

“You’re a sissy, you little bird-shit.” He stepped away with a snort and a flick of his tail, slowly and cautiously approaching the hellhound. Rita shouted something, but did not follow. “Yeah whatever, have fun standing over there by yourself!”

The hellhound slowly stood upright, paws against her lower back as she thrust her pelvis and belly forward. “Griffon afraid of me, pony?”

“Yeah,” he said, nodding, “she acts real fucking tough but she’s kind of a scaredy-cat.”

“But not you.” The hellhound gave him a sideways glance, grinning a toothily. “You brave, walking up to big, scary dog all alone.”

Her grin made him a little uncomfortable, but he snickered and shrugged. “Yeah, well, you know.” He gestured toward the seaweed. “So… what’s with this shit?”

“Help me move it, pony,” she said as she stuck her claws into the salty tangles.

A brow was arched, and his lips twisted with confusion, but he sighed, shrugged, and his horn began to glow. He ended up doing the bulk of the work, but that became irrelevant the instant he noticed the small boat that the seaweed had been concealing. Tap’s eyes widened and the hellhound put her paws on her hips, her smile positively radiant.

“Hold applause, pony.”

She reached into her vest and produced the socks. The socks dangled in her grasp as she lifted them to her nose, and then began to sniff. A few sniffs later, she knelt down and leaned closer to the boat, her nose wiggling as she inhaled in fits and starts. Then she went back and forth between the socks and the boat, until finally, with one long, deep snort, the socks adhered to her snout, remaining there even as she let go of them. Tap felt his stomach turn, trying to stifle his gag reflex.

“This sock-pony boat.” She pointed further down the shoreline, and then peeled the socks away from her nose. “I pick up trail from here.”

Tap grinned and nodded affirmatively. “Fuckin’ awesome.”

In the distance, Rita shouted, “Can I have my socks back now?”

The three of them set out without delay, making their way across the dunes as waves crashed against the shore. While Tap felt much more confident in his decision, Rita refused to decrease what she considered to be a safe distance from the hellhound.

All the while, the sun continued to descend toward the horizon. Tap removed his sunglasses as nightfall approached, and noticed that something strange and wonderful had begun to unfold. The sky had taken on a rosy hue, blending together with bands of orange and purple. High above, clouds soaked up the light of the setting sun, displaying a similarly vibrant and painted appearance to the point that they almost seemed to glow. The sun itself had gone from blindingly white to a more bearable red, like an enormous ember slowly sinking behind the mountains. There was something awe inspiring about it all, as though he were observing some sort of living painting.

He didn’t realize he had come to a stop until Paharita leaned into his field of view.

“A parasprite is gonna fly down your throat and eat you alive if you leave your mouth open like that.”

Tap pushed past her away and snorted. “I thought you were staying away from the dog.” He shot her a sideways glance. “Are you done being a pussy, you pussy?”

“You mean, am I done being safe? No, and she’s way over there, sniffing around.” Rita pointed, and he looked. The hellhound was carefully inspecting a disgusting toilet, club-tail wagging. “I guess she didn’t notice that you spaced out. Oops.”

“I notice,” she called, making Rita’s feathers ruffle and hair stand on end. The hellhound continued sniffing, but he saw that she had one ear turned toward them. “I just not bother pony. He admiring sundown.”

Rita snickered and prodded him with a talon. “Now who’s a pansy? What’s wrong, you’ve never seen a sunset before?”

He looked down at the dirt, avoiding her eyes. “Fuck off.”

“Awwwww! That’s soooo cute!” She leaned over and managed to pinch his cheeks. “I didn’t know you could be so sentimental!”

“Go fuck yourself!” Tap’s horn flared, and Rita was launched into the air with a squeal.

As Rita shouted childish insults and fluttered back to the ground in his wake, he pretended to have no interest in the brilliant display spread across the horizon. He kept his eyes forward as he approached the hellhound, who had found a cracked sink to investigate.

“Two ponies,” she murmured, glancing up at Tap when he came within a few paces of her.

Tap came to an abrupt stop, cocking an ear. “What?”

“I smell sock-pony.” She sniffled audibly, rubbing her nose with the back of her paw. “But I smell second pony, following sock-pony.”

“Damn,” he grunted, kicking at the dirt.  “Someone else might be tailing her already.” He chewed the corner of his mouth. “Let’s hope they don’t start the party without us.”

The hellhound raised a brow. “Party?”

He nodded. “Kinda. I’m thinking I’m gonna kill her when we catch up to her.” Shrugging, he added, “I have my reasons.”

“Oh.” The hellhound flashed a toothy grin, holding up her paws and kneading at the air. “I can eat sock-pony when party over?”

“Most of her.” Lifting a hoof, he tapped the side of his head. “Gotta bring back evidence that we did the job.”

The hellhound nodded and knelt over an opened, empty can, her nose twitching. Not long after that, Tap found himself idly drinking in the scenery once more. Rita’s distant cackling disturbed him moments later. He immediately heaved himself back to his hooves, scowling.

“It okay,” the hellhound said, motioning toward the setting sun with a nod of her head. “I think world ending, first time I see sundown. Never see nothing like it before.”

“I’ve seen the sun set through gaps in the clouds before this, just… I’ve never seen the whole picture all at once. It’s weird.” He looked off into the distance again, a trace of a smile on his lips. “Weird and kind of beautiful.”

The hellhound stood upright and joined him, tilting her head to one side, the pair of them lulled into a state of calm by the sounds of the ocean. Overhead, and on the opposite end of the sky, pinpricks of starlight began to show. Faintly visible points of light, twinkling against deep and seemingly endless blue that rolled in like a tide as the light of the sun continued to fade. He gazed into the heavens with the awe and wonder of a foal.

It was during this moment of peaceful admiration that he felt something warm under all the cold spite and bitter depression. He had lost everyone he loved and cared about, and the world he knew had been completely stripped away; that was something he would never and could never forgive or forget. But, if something so magnificent and breathtaking could emerge from the nightmare Littlepip had put him through, then maybe—just maybe—things would be okay.

Not good, not bad, but okay.

They stood in silence long enough to watch the last traces of the sun disappear behind the rolling landscape.

“Wish I see color,” the hellhound eventually muttered.

Tap snickered quietly, then cleared his throat and gestured toward her. “So what do I call you, anyway?”

The hellhound seemed troubled by Tap’s question. “Name momma give me not mean much now.” She put her paws on her hips, shifting her weight to her left leg. “What you want to call me?”

Double Tap attempted to play back his conversation with Rita regarding potential names for the very hellhound standing before him. Of the three names suggested, only one immediately came to mind.

“The Brutalizer?” he offered, shrugging.

“Nuh-uh!” she barked, shaking her head.

He blinked. “What?”

There was a toothy smirk on her lips. “Try again, pony. Less edgy.”

“Uh—” His brow furrowed as he struggled to remember. “Fuckles?”

“Is this joke to you, pony?” She had raised a brow and crossed her forearms.

He only managed a syllable more before Rita interrupted him, shouting, “Leaf Marine!” The hellhound looked past him, eyes wide and ears perked. “As Empress of the Wastes, I, Paharita, dub thee Leaf Marine!”

“Leaf Marine,” the hellhound repeated. “I like!” She smiled at Tap and nodded. “Call me Leaf Marine.”

Dumbfounded, Tap closed his eyes and slapped a hoof across his face. “You can’t be fucking serious.” He peered up at her with one eye. “Do yourself a favor and don’t listen to anything that cock-sucker says.”

She snickered and leaned toward him. “You not boss of me, pony.”

“You tell ‘em, Leaf Marine!” Rita yelled. “Don’t take any guff from that swine!”

|[BAR]|[(  ) ]|[(  ) ]|

“What’s up?” Double Tap asked, meeting Leaf’s gaze as she looked back at him.

A little more than two days had been spent following Leaf along a meandering trail composed of places Raspberry Tart had walked, eaten, slept, or relieved herself, and though it was slow going, quite a bit of distance had been covered. The urban skeleton of Manehattan had been left far behind, and even the sand and foam of the sea shore had disappeared beyond the horizon. Their query had abandoned the coastline, heading inland on what almost seemed to be a course for Fillydelphia.

“Hear that?” Leaf Marine stopped and pointed toward a dilapidated shed, and then the barn to the far left of it. “Armor ponies ahead.”

Their immediate surroundings had been farmland a couple centuries ago, now completely overgrown with sickly weeds and trees. They were, at most, an hour out from Fillydelphia at a leisurely trot. Some of the larger buildings were just barely visible behind the next ridge, obscured by a damp haze. Storm clouds had settled over the area. Though it had yet to rain, there was an occasional flash of lighting and a distant rumble of thunder.

“So what?” Paharita clucked as she strutted right past the pair of them.

Rita was still clinging to her reservations about their new canine companion, evidenced by things like passing on Tap’s side and not Leaf’s. But, the fact that she passed near Leaf at all was proof that her reluctance toward Leaf was gradually fading.

“Being near Fillydelphia means two things: Red Eye and the Steel Rangers.” She clicked at her PipBuck, glancing up at the two landmarks Leaf had indicated. “Since Red Eye is out of the picture, that means it’s definitely Steel Rangers, and we’ve done plenty of jobs for the Steel Rangers!” She paused and lifted a claw, waving it around in the direction of the barn. “If I say hi there, I bet you a hundred caps they’ll say oh, hello, Paharita! So good to see you again!”

“Sound good!” Leaf replied, nodding as she followed after Rita.

Tap leveled his brow and gave Leaf a disapproving glance, then hurried after the two of them. “Wait damn it! Are you both fucking stupid? Don’t just—”

“Not another step!” someone bellowed through a crackling speaker.

Rita flinched, trying to turn and run, but doing little more than stumbling on her bad hind and falling over onto her side. Three black figures darted over the roof of the nearby barn with startling speed. They silently cut through the air and spread out, kicking up dirt as they came to a dead stop. The three of them stood in a wide circle—surrounding Tap and his traveling companions—with their wings unfolded, their weapons at the ready, and their heads raised proudly, or arrogantly, or both.

Tap had never seen an Enclave soldier in action before, but there had been enough of their armored corpses littering Manehattan and the surrounding area that he recognized them without much difficulty.  He could clearly see the finer details of their armor now that they were at a standstill; the jet black plating that reflected light like the carapace of an insect, with barbed tails and wide, bug-like lenses set into their helmets. It was as though someone had decided to make a pegasus wear a scorpion, and these ponies were the end result.

Leaf immediately began to growl, baring her teeth while widening her stance and fanning out her claws.

“Leaf Marine, stay cool,” Tap muttered through clenched teeth. A drop of rain splashed against the ridge of his muzzle. “Fucking great.”

“Well well, what ‘ave we ‘ere?” inquired the pegasus closest to Leaf, with a male cockney so thick that Tap’s ears pinned back against his mane.

The soldier standing over Rita—who had curled into a shivering ball of fur and feathers—answered just as haughtily. “A Talon without ‘er flock, a stray dog, an’ a mud-icorn!” Her voice was somehow even more annoying.

The soldier to the left of Tap added nothing, and he instead began to laugh, with the other two joining in. They kept their plasma barrels locked and crackling all the while. It was becoming readily apparent that this was a shakedown. The soft patter of raindrops began to pick up.

“Alright you lot,” said the first, “no sudden movements, no magic, no nonsense.” He lifted his shiny hoof, pointing at Leaf. “We’ll be takin’ that pooch an’ givin’ ‘er a nice, new ‘ome.”

“I’ve got the one on the left,” Tap whispered, so quietly that he was sure only Leaf could hear him. She glanced back at him and nodded. “Wait for my signal.”

Even without Rita running the numbers, he figured the odds were about even. Leaf could probably take a hit from a plasma weapon, but he and Rita were not nearly as durable. Both sides were likely to suffer casualties. A crack of thunder split the air, and rain began to fall in sheets. His mind filled with scenarios. None of the outcomes were acceptable. Only moments later, the situation changed dramatically

There was a loud, metallic groan and all of the pegasi went completely still. Tap whipped his head around to see what had halted them. Several Steel Rangers had emerged from beneath the metal roofing of the collapsed shed. They had their grenade machineguns and heavy assault rifles pointed at the Enclave soldiers, and by extension, Double Tap, Leaf Marine, and Paharita.

The Enclave soldiers turned to face the Steel Rangers and in seconds, both sides erupted into shouting, each demanding that the other stand down and surrender. Two more pegasi popped over the roof of the barn, belting out their threats and demands from a distance.

“We’re in the middle of a shit sandwich,” Tap flatly stated, looking over at Leaf. “I hope you don’t mind dying here.”

Leaf’s brow twitched, framing her exposed teeth with a frown. “Still not made up mind about dying!”

A dash inhaler levitated to his lips and he filled his lungs with aerosol amphetamines. Everything slowed to a nice, comfortable crawl. Each splash of rainwater stood out on its own, becoming a rapid and frantic tempo. The quiet one, which Tap had initially marked as his target, was stepping around to put Tap between himself and the Steel Rangers. The possible leader of the three began to flap his wings, intent on ascending.

Tap shifted his weight, leaning forward and slipping the Punchline out from under the strap of his bandoleer, swinging it around until the barrel had lined up with the closest soldier’s left lens. Tap doubted that the pegasus even had the time to close his eyes. The lens shattered as Tap pulled the trigger, punching an enormous, gushing hole through his head and out the other side of his helmet. In that same instant, the Punchline went flying in the opposite direction, launched by the kickback. To his right, Leaf had crouched low to the ground, her body rigid with tension, her claws hooked inward and ready to slash.

The closest Enclave soldier was now the mare of the initial three. She was definitely still shouting, her every syllable drawn out unintelligibly under a distorted crack of thunder. Her feathers shuddered as she beat her wings against the air. Several rounds just barely missed her as the Steel Rangers opened fire. The Enclave soldiers returned fire, a bolt of sizzling plasma zipping past Tap and toward the Steel Rangers. A grenade machinegun round whistled by in the following instant, blowing a hole in the second floor of the barn. Tap threw himself into a gallop, hooves pounding against the dry grass. The forty-five had been loaded with armor piercers, but he was unsure of the forty-five’s penetrating power against such a heavily armored target.

A new variable was introduced to the encounter just a few steps into Tap’s charge. An awful sound; a static like talons against a chalkboard, blood-curdling screaming, and high frequency buzzing all rolled into one. Even with dash in his system, he could hear it clearly screeching through every armored combatant’s speaker. A red haze welled up around the edges of his vision, his pistol dropping right back into its holster as a searing pain wrapped around his horn. He struggled to keep advancing, dragging his hooves through the dirt and grass.

Over the static, he heard someone slowly and distortedly scream, “They won’t turn off!”

The Enclave soldiers winced, those attempting to get airborne dropping out of the air, the ones on the roof tossing their heads and stomping. The Steel Rangers were doing exactly the same, frantically trying to shed their helmets. At a glance, Tap saw that Leaf had been completely halted as well, with deep wrinkles etched into her face and muzzle, her paws clasped over her ears as she doubled over. Her target put on a similar display, thrashing violently on the ground until he finally managed to wrench his head free of his helmet. The screeching static faded only after all soldiers present had similarly abandoned their helmets or collapsed outright. The pain faded with it.

Looking forward once more, now just a few paces from the Enclave mare, he could see the blood rolling from her eyes and ears as she threw her helmet aside, her face contorted with agony. A moment of recovery was collectively taken, many of the combatants struggling to regain their bearings after such a jarring experience. The Enclave soldier glanced up at Tap as he pulled his pistol, her confusion resolving into anger as she started to swing both glowing barrels his way. Tap held his breath. He was too close to dodge if she managed to squeeze off a shot first.

Before the Enclave soldier could pull the trigger, she was violently interrupted. A new pony had joined the fight.

It was the dash in Tap’s system that kept this pony from becoming little more than a blur of motion because, like Tap, she appeared to move at normal speed while the rest of the world had been slowed to a crawl. She passed in front of Tap, rearing up, but turning away. Her eyes were hidden behind a pair of mirrored lenses, reflecting a distant flash of lightning. He couldn’t read her expression because there was no expression to read. Her mane flowed free and untamed, concealing her ears and brow. Everything below the cheekbone was wrapped in a shredded scarf, red as flowing blood.

The rest of the scarf whipped through the rain in her wake as she twisted her body like a corkscrew, her hooves passing inches from Tap’s face. They didn’t resemble pony hooves. They were scarred and cloven; carved. The gaps between her bisected hooves held thin, glimmering strips of metal, like the blades of an ice skate. She brought them over her head, and then swung in a wide arc, splitting the Enclave soldier’s neck so severely that her entire head canted to one side. Crimson bubbles swelled and popped at the mouth of the enormous gash in her windpipe as gouts of blood gushed around the wound.

Without a moment’s hesitation, the scarved pony kept moving, leaving the hemorrhaging pegasus to stagger. Her lips moved breathlessly, her bulging, horrified eyes fixed on Tap. Tap put the barrel of the forty-five to her forehead and squeezed, two empty casings twirling through the air. Behind her toppling corpse, the scarved pony leapt toward the wall of the barn, clearing several feet, then scaling the rest in just a few bounds.

On the roof of the barn, the two pegasi—now helmetless—were just starting to take aim when she arrived. She was too close for them to properly open fire. Tap could feel the effects of the dash draining from his system as the pegasi tried their hardest to bludgeon their uninvited guest, their movements becoming difficult to follow. They seemed incapable of landing a single blow. She weaved and dodged their attacks as though it were some sort of elaborate dance, the sheer speed and grace of her attacks making it seem so effortless in the process. The Enclave soldiers were just barely able to defend themselves as they were both attacked simultaneously, with sparks flying every time her hooves struck their armor.

There was a dull buzz in Tap’s ears as he sluggishly turned his head enough to glance over his haunches. The Steel Rangers were reassessing the situation. Some of them returned their attention to the original targets, tracking the increasingly battered pegasi on the roof of the barn. Others seemed to be more interested in the hellhound standing just a few yards in front of them. She was in the middle of carving up her opponent, rending flesh and metal as though it were tissue paper and cardboard, occasionally chewing and swallowing parts of the eviscerated pegasus. Tap swung his gaze toward Paharita and found her still curled up in the fetal position a few paces from where he stood. He reached for her with his levitation, attempting to drag her out of the potential line of fire.

Tap barked, “Leaf Marine!” and the hellhound looked up from her kill, her grinning muzzle drenched in blood.

The intensity of the buzzing skyrocketed. Suddenly, a deep and flickering shadow fell over the area. Tap looked up just fast enough to see the swarm of parasprites descending on the Steel Rangers, their horrified cries filling his ears. Already, the vivid and glistening hues of fresh meat began to show through the buzzing cloud, the air full of thick, wet sounds of flesh being torn and chewed. The Steel Rangers were firing wildly into the swarm, bullets and high explosives zipping by, tearing up the landscape. That seemed to be enough motivation for Leaf to abandon her meal, and she quickly ambled over to Tap. No longer satisfied with dragging Rita, he heaved the trembling griffon onto his back.

“Let’s get the fuck outta here!” he screamed, readying himself to gallop.

As Leaf nodded, he noticed something overhead. There was a figure hanging in the air, just above the screaming, thrashing soldiers. An equine form suspended by a smaller cloud of parasprites, forelegs spread to either side, hind legs dangling.

“Fear not,” the floating pony shouted, his voice muffled and distorted. “On this day, it is not your flesh we crave!”

A loud thud drew Tap’s attention. His eyes darted toward the barn, spotting a pegasus in a crumpled heap on the ground. The pegasus reached skyward, only to be swarmed with parasprites. Back on the roof, the last Enclave soldier was fighting a losing battle.

Tap briefly wondered why the soldier didn’t just fly away, but he soon realized the answer. Enclave power armor didn’t fully cover the wings, and the scarved pony had exploited this to the point that the armor was likely the only thing holding that pegasus’s wings together. Bloodied and weary, the pegasus only managed to ward off her attacks for a few moments more. It ended with one simple stroke. She brushed a hoof across the pegasus’s throat, and the Enclave soldier stumbled back onto their haunches, clutching forehooves to their neck as it erupted in a spray of blood. As the scarved pony stepped away, the final pegasus was engulfed in a swirling cloud of parasprites.

Gracefully, the scarved pony dismounted the roof, and the pony held aloft by parasprites slowly descended. All of the parasprites dispersed when he reached the ground, leaving behind stained bones and power armor caked in blood.

“Wrong power armor,” he heard Rita whimper.

“No shit!” He looked back at her, noting her tiny pupils and twitching eyelids. “You owe me a hundred caps, dumbass.”

“Hello, Paharita!” called the pony that had been hovering via parasprites, slowly advancing. The scarved pony followed close behind. “So good to see you again!”

“Voided by technicality,” Rita cheerfully murmured, slowly crawling off of Tap’s back.

Tap scoffed. “Bullshit.”

The griffon grinned, but made no further comment. “Pestilence! How the heck are ya?” She tilted her head, and leaning to the side, added, “Is that Steppin’ Razor?” Rita lifted a claw, waving. “Hey there! Long time no see!”

Steppin’ Razor—the mare wearing the scarf—said nothing, but she did bow deeply. Tap had thought she was wearing goggles, but he quickly realized that her eyes were the lenses, cold and vacant, set into the sockets.

The pony Rita had identified as Pestilence answered for both of them.  “We’ve had our ups and downs, my dear girl. Things have changed quite a bit in the last few months, and not entirely to our benefit. I apologize for the delayed assistance, as well. We were waiting for an opportune moment to strike.”

A gas mask was the source of his vocal distortion, but he also wore what appeared to be a riot helmet over that. The word “CANTERLOT” was just faintly legible above the visor. He had clothed himself with something akin to a bright red button-up raincoat, its color somewhat muted by the gloomy downpour. The hood of the coat hung around his neck, rolled up to keep it from accumulating rainwater, but there was something else just below his jaw line. It looked to be some kind of collar, a long antenna jutting into the air from the left side. The rasping hiss of his breathing became audible as he stopped just a few paces from Double Tap.

“Well your opportune moment almost got us blasted!” Rita huffed. “Did you know those jerks were hiding out here?!”

Pestilence nodded. “We did. But, these days, we’re rather outnumbered. Taking them by surprise was our only option.”

There were no longer any parasprites in the area, but under the patter of rain, there was a distinct and irregular rhythm of buzzing, underscored by a soft, but high pitched tone. As he tried to figure out where it was coming from, he noticed that Leaf had vanished from his side. He looked over his withers and saw that she was standing well away from the group, her ears folded back.

Tap raised a brow as he met her gaze. “You alright?”

“Too loud,” Leaf whined. “Hurts ears.”

Pestilence cleared his throat and stood up straight. “Ah! Yes, terribly sorry.” He lifted a hoof to his neck, reaching into the hood of his rain jacket.

The tone cut out, though the buzzing continued. It was at this point that Tap realized the buzzing was coming from inside Pestilence. Tap felt his skin crawl. He looked over at Leaf in an effort to distract himself. She had visibly relaxed, her ears pointing up again as she returned to Tap’s side. She cradled the Punchline in her paws and happily offered it to him. Rita reached over to grab the Punchline from both of them, and then immediately distanced herself, as though she were a magnet of the same polarity.

“I do hope you’ll forgive me, my dear.” Pestilence bowed deeply to Leaf. “I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure of meeting a hellhound before, and I would hate to spoil the opportunity.”

“You think that’s an opportunity?” Rita snorted out a laugh, shaking her head. “You’re definitely still a weirdo, Pestie.”

Pestilence chuckled deeply. “Quite! Now, how about we take shelter from this dreadful rain? Our camp is just around the bend.”

Rita glanced over at Leaf, grinning slyly. “I dunno… do you want a pony-eating monster dog wandering around your tents? Maybe you’ve got a kennel or a post or something you can leash her to?”

“Rita!” Tap turned his attention back toward the ponies standing before him. “She’s seriously not a dick. You won’t cause any trouble, right Leaf Marine?”

Leaf nodded enthusiastically. “Just passing through. Not even hungry anymore.”

“It’s quite alright,” Pestilence reassured them. “If she’s on her best behavior, I doubt the others will mind.”

“Others?” Tap cautiously questioned.

Steppin’ Razor nodded. With a synthetic sounding voice, she gently stated, “We’re all monsters here.”

|[(  ) ]|[(  ) ]|[(  ) ]|

After ten minutes worth of following Paharita’s acquaintances in rainy silence, Double Tap came to the conclusion that their destination was a very large patch of thorn bushes. Rita clearly had the same idea, but as was her custom, she was far more vocal about it.

“Pestie, that’s just some pointy shrubs,” she squawked. “You said you had a camp here!”

Steppin’ Razor glanced up at Pestilence, nodding toward the brush.

The gas-masked pony chuckled, reaching low. “And I am not one to lie.”

He lifted several of the branches, and as he raised them even higher, they were no longer branches. They had melded into some sort of mesh net. A few of the surrounding branches shifted, and they too dissolved into a textured mesh, the fabric folding against his hoof.

“A unicorn well versed in the art of illusion is worth their weight in diamonds.”

Rita stepped forward, seemingly unimpressed. She ducked under the raised edge of the net and vanished within. By contrast, Leaf Marine had a look of wide-eyed shock across her canine face. Tap raised a brow. He couldn’t decide if her jaw was hanging slack because she was pleased or terrified, but either way, she had gone as still as a statue. Shrugging, he took a few steps forward, and she followed, though clearly still dumbfounded. He snickered and nodded to Steppin’ Razor and Pestilence, then he crouched through the opening.

The thorn brush illusion was purely external. As the net rolled and shifted gently overhead, threads of dim light painted the earthen floor with moving color.

There were several grizzled, armed ponies and one haggard alicorn watching Tap as he stood up straight inside. All of them maintained defensive positions behind stacks of cinder blocks and sandbags, two of which were manning mounted machine-guns. They were, themselves, nothing of real interest. What did catch Tap’s eye was the insignia that they wore, sewn onto their armor or worn as leg-bands; a stylized white eye with a crimson iris. Suddenly, Steppin’ Razor’s red scarf and Pestilence’s red raincoat became more than just a choice in attire.

A few of them gave him funny looks as his face lit up with glee, murmuring to one another. The alicorn squinted at Tap, and then she started to giggle. He assumed that she recognized him from his magical evening with Fillydelphia’s super alicorn and gave her a wink. Behind him, Leaf Marine gasped softly. The guards’ expressions changed from amusement and confusion to surprise in the very instant it took her to duck inside.

Tap bristled as they took aim at the hellhound. “Woah-Woah-Woah!” He reared in front of her, waving his forelegs. “Don’t shoot! She’s cool!”

“No need for alarm, gentlemen,” stated Pestilence as he held the net back for Steppin’ Razor. “I’ll be keeping a close eye on our canine guest, though I sincerely doubt that she’ll be causing any mayhem during her visit.”

Hesitantly, they lowered their weapons, but not their guard. The alicorn among them stepped aside, begrudgingly nodding toward an opening in the wall she had been positioned in front of.

“You’ll find the mess hall to the left,” she muttered. “We ask that you keep your pooch on a short leash.”

Tap peered through the opening to find that there was a fairly narrow passage running through the barricade. He caught a glimpse of Rita as she rounded a corner, her tail tuft vanishing in the blink of an eye. Several foals and a stallion galloped past the moment he set hoof into the makeshift corridor, laughter and paternal scolding lingering in their wake. It was a very tight fit for Leaf. She had to crouch down and practically sidestep in order to move forward, since the passage had clearly not been intended for anything larger than a pony, but that hardly seemed to bother her.

“Can you do that, pony?” Leaf murmured, her eyes glued to the enchanted camouflage above. “Turn things into other things?”

“I uh… I can kinda do that. I’m alright at it, I guess?”

Leaf tilted her head. “Alright?”

A mare strolled into view further down the winding passage. She recoiled and immediately went back the way she came, wailing something unintelligible.

Tap shrugged. “Illusions spells like that are really hard, and I don’t have a lot of practice with them. Mostly I just do simple stuff.” He nodded up at the net. “Unless it’s a one-time thing, I’d have to be there keeping the spell refreshed if I wanted it to stick.”

“Unfortunate,” Pestilence murmured from behind them, “but hardly unforgivable. Your skills clearly lie more with the art of war than the art of deception.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Tap muttered.

Leaf’s next question was, “What about sound that make ears and eyes bleed?”

“Oh, that’s— I don’t think that’s a thing a unicorn can just do.” Tap looked past Leaf, trying to make eye contact with Pestilence. “Were you the one broadcasting that awful shit?”

Pestilence chuckled quietly. “That is correct. And, to my knowledge, only a radio that has had prolonged exposure to Canterlot’s pink cloud is capable of transmitting static with such volatile properties. I happen to have one such radio in my possession.”

Tap nodded. “I figured.” He chewed his lower lip for a moment, carefully considering the question on the tip of his tongue. “Hey so… you guys are with Red Eye, right?”

Pestilence cleared his throat. “Were is the better term.”

Tap felt himself deflate. “So it’s true.”

“We wish it weren’t,” Steppin’ Razor confirmed.

“This would be better discussed over a meal, I believe,” stated Pestilence.

Following the gradually intensifying din of conversation, Double Tap emerged into what appeared to be some kind of crowded dining area.

A tangy, spicy aroma hung in the air. Nearby, a trio of enormous metal tables stretched out in front of him. He suspected that they were as much intended for use as cover as a surface to eat off of. A few of the ponies seated at the closest table had paused mid conversation to look his way, but others carried on uninterrupted. An enormous cauldron was being tended on the other side of the makeshift enclosure; the likely source of the wonderful smell. As Leaf Marine shuffled out into the open, the room fell into near complete silence. The soft patter of rain, the bubbling of the cauldron’s contents, and the crackling of the fire beneath it were made distinctly audible by the uneasy quiet.

“Smells tasty,” Leaf remarked.

A dozen ponies simultaneously drew their weapons.

“Oh, come on!” Tap groaned.

“Yeah, let’s bring the big, pony-eating dog into a pony camp,” Rita called from her seat at one of the tables. “What did you expect, genius?!”

“Now now, everypony!” Pestilence stepped out in front of Leaf. “There’s no need for that! She is our guest!”

Only a fraction of the ponies stood down, while the rest of them kept Leaf in their sights.

Leaf didn’t seem particularly worried by this, though she did roll her eyes and give a toothy sneer. “Jumpy ponies.”

The pony seated next to Rita slowly got to his hooves, glancing back at the griffon. “Shit, when you told me you had a hellhound with you, I thought you were joking.” He looked Leaf over, then locked eyes with Tap. Chuckling, he added, “Well, at least you didn’t come charging through the camp, this time.”  

Tap had the faintest spark of recognition flickering in the back of his mind as he examined the approaching pony.

He had a stocky build with a pastel-purple coat, his off-white mane and tail cut short. There was something dull and weary about his faded yellow eyes. A few blood-stained bandages clung to his neck and forelegs, and a tattered, zip-up denim jacket hung loosely off of his body. The sleeves had been torn away at the knees, with the Red Eye emblem sewn into the breast of the jacket. He certainly looked familiar, but there seemed to be something missing. Tap tried imagining him in the usual garb of a Red Eye soldier, and suddenly, the picture came together.

A little smirk tugged the corner of Tap’s mouth. “Aren’t you that guy we kept bribing to get into Tenpony?”

“That guy.” The pony burst out laughing. “That’d be me, yeah! Name’s Palace.” He lifted a hoof, which Tap firmly shook. “Good to see you’re both still on our side. Lately, we’re not too popular.”

Tap nodded slowly, looking down at the floor. “I’ve heard a bit about that... about Red Eye. Damn shame.”

“Yeaaaaah… seems like, once he was out of the picture, everything just started to fall apart. First the Cathedral went to shit, and then the whole damn city just came unglued.” Palace lifted a hoof, gesturing. “The Enclave came at us from above and below, the Steel Rangers attacked us from the ground, and on top of that, they were bombarding us with some kind of artillery super-weapon.”

“We believe the source of said weapon to be Tenpony Tower,” Pestilence commented.

Palace let his hoof drop and shook his head. “We held them all back for as long as we could, but it was hopeless. In the end, we grabbed all the weapons and research we could carry and tried to get as many ponies out of the city as safely as we could.”

“Fuck,” murmured Tap.

Palace heaved a deep sigh. “All that’s left of us now are foals, scientists, a few alicorns,” he snickered, lifting his head proudly, “and soldiers too damn stubborn to die.”

Tap glanced around. The ponies present had calmed considerably. Guns were no longer being aimed at Leaf, and Leaf had stopped baring her teeth. A little filly cautiously approached the hellhound, but was quickly snatched up by a mare in combat armor and scolded. An alicorn wearing a flight jacket took the filly’s place, tilting her head as she examined Leaf. Leaf mirrored the alicorn’s motions, her club-tail wagging.

He returned his attention to Palace and asked, “Are you the only ones that made it out?”

Palace shook his head. “Oh, not even close. This group was five times as big, but we all got split up fighting our way out. There were a number of units stationed around the wasteland when Filly fell, too. We’ve been trying to get everyone to rally so that we can make a push to take back the city.” Palace snorted, looking away. “The few other groups we’ve managed to contact seem more interested in pillaging and raising hell than reclaiming our home, though. I guess you can’t expect much more from former raiders.”

A colt scampered up to Palace and tucked himself between the stallion’s forelegs, peering up at Tap. The resemblance between the two was unmistakable. Palace smiled and rested a hoof between the foal’s ears, gently tussling his mane. “Anyway, are you and the griffon lady and your hellhound thinking of hooking up with us?” He looked back toward Rita. “We could sure use the help.”

Before Tap could answer, Leaf barked, “What you mean your hellhound, pony?” She had stepped around the alicorn with paws on her hips, one brow raised.

He tried again, and was again interrupted, this time by Rita. “Sorry, we’re trying to help ourselves.” She gestured to Leaf with one claw, rolling her eyes. “And we already have a whole lot on our plate.”

Tap grumbled and his stomach followed suit. He perked up. “Hey, speaking of plates—” He glanced down at his hooves and cleared his throat. “I uh… I know you guys are going through some shit, and we kind of don’t have any money or gear to trade with, but—”

Palace snickered and nodded. “Yeah, sure, don’t even worry about it.”

“Wait—” Tap blinked, flicking an ear. “Seriously?”

“Seriously. This little refugee camp is under my command, and I think it’s good to know that there are ponies out there who are still on our side.” He glanced over at the cooking cauldron, then back at Tap, grinning. “So, yeah. Food and drink is on the house, and we might be able to part with a few mags and some grenades. We don’t have any beds to spare, but if you wanna crash here for the night, that’s on the table too.”

“Well!” Rita had already acquired a plate piled with food and started stuffing her face, but continued to speak with her mouth full. “In that case, we accept your offer.” She looked back at Palace, her tail tip whipping about. “If I have to so much as help with math homework, though, we’re outta here.”

Obnoxious griffon aside, it was impossible for Tap to hide his beaming smile or his excited chuckle. “You’re really sure?”

Palace laughed and nodded. “I get the feeling that it’s gonna be a while until we see another friendly face, so there’s no reason to hold out on the hospitality. Anyway, I’m done repeating myself. Let’s eat.”

Tap nodded, swallowed a mouthful of saliva, and set out to procure a meal.

|[o8- ]|[o8- ]|[o8- ]|

The gathered ponies gradually quieted as Double Tap thumped on the table. Leaf Marine grinned from across the table as she imitated him, her big paws pounding in rhythm with his hooves. Someone had given her a spiked collar, hopefully as a joke, and she had repurposed it as a bracelet. Paharita grumbled and turned away. No one had given her anything.

“I just wanna say,” he slurred, grinning from ear to ear, “that you’ve all been really, really cool, showing kindness like this to us even when you’re already down on your luck. Yeah, things are shitty for all of us now, but you know what? They won’t always be!” There were murmurs of agreement in the crowd, smiles and nods exchanged as he looked around.

“Fuck Littlepip, and fuck the Steel Rangers, and fuck the Enclave! You’ve just gotta stick together and ride it out, and some day, we’ll be on top again!”

“What is this?” Palace called, from his seat beside his son at the head of the table, “A toast?”

Several ponies laughed, but the notion sat well with Tap. “You know what? Fuck it! It’s a toast!” Tap levitated his mug high into the air. Some of the beer splashed against the table, but no one seemed to care, himself included. “To Palace Caravan! May he lead you all swift and safely back home!”

A round of cheers and clinking, sloshing cups went up from the crowd. Palace grinned and nodded his way, raising his own glass, and then drinking. However, Tap felt as though he had more to say. He lifted a hoof to Skimmer’s necklace and found the words he was looking for.

“But… let’s not forget all the ones that couldn’t make it here, to share this food and drink and be a part of these memories; the ones that were taken too soon, or taken unfairly.” The room had fallen into complete silence. He lifted his mug again, eyes closed. He could see Skimmer on the insides of his eyelids, smiling back at him. “To all the ones that we’ve loved and lost.”

Hundreds of names were spoken at once, some more softly than others, by friends, siblings, parents and children alike. Palace held his son closely as they whispered a name in unison, the pair of them seeming to console one another. Across from him, Leaf was slowly listing off names, her lips moving without any sound. Rita did nothing but sigh and roll her eyes. The quiet of the room persisted; a moment of silence, unannounced, but near universally observed. He waited until Leaf had finished, and then he raised his glass one more time.

“And this one is to Red Eye. He’s with the ones that are no longer with us, and his city may have fallen, but we’re still alive!” He struck the table with one hoof. “Proof that somepony tried to bring order and civilization to the wasteland!” He hit the table again and again, and others began to join in. “Let’s never let them forget what he tried to accomplish!” Over the thundering of hooves, he bellowed, “To Red Eye!”

“To Red Eye!”

The whoops and cheers had just barely subsided when Rita groaned, “Gimmie a break!” A hush fell over the gathered ponies, but Rita either didn’t notice or didn’t care. She waved a talon in Tap’s face. “If I hear one more sappy toast from you, I’m gonna puke!” Tap gawked at her. She sighed. “Please tell me you’re done.”

Tap levitated his beer over her, then poured it out over her head. As she squawked and sputtered, the crowd fell into a fit of laughter. Rita frantically wiped the beer from her face, glaring at him from between her talons. He smirked and nodded.

“Now I’m done.”

|[BAR]|[BAR]|[BAR]|

“After Fluttershy’s squealing had calmed to breathless whimpers of bliss atop the mountain of zebra corpses, Rainbow Dash cradled her and said—” Paharita slipped into what Tap had come to understand was the Rainbow Dash voice, “I’ve been having wet dreams about this since the day I met you, but you made it twenty percent sexier.” Rita lowered the small stack of paper and announced, “And then they snowballed and had even more sex! The end!”

Double Tap sighed into his hooves, refusing to open his eyes. They had left Palace’s camp two mornings prior for this. At least the campfire was warm and the log he shared with Leaf wasn’t too uncomfortable a seat.

“Great story!” Leaf Marine cheered from beside him, her claws clicking as she clapped enthusiastically. “Fun characters! You make yourself, griffon?”

He could just imagine Rita tilting her head. “The Ministry Mares? No, those are real ponies!”

Leaf gasped. “This actually happen?!”

There was a moment of silence before Rita said, “Well no one can prove that it didn’t happen!”

“Ask them.”

“Ask them? I wish, but I can’t!”

Leaf sounded confused. “So, you hear story from others, griffon?”

There was mounting frustration in Rita’s voice. “No, I wrote it. This is my story!” She cleared her throat. “And anyway, nobody has talked to them because they’ve all potentially been dead for like, two hundred years.”

Tap peered up at Leaf. She was scratching the side of her neck, semi-squinting at Rita from across the fire. “How you know what they like if you never meet them, griffon?”

The paper began to crumple as Rita tightened her grip. “Because they’re documented! I know more about the Ministry Mares than anyone! That makes my fanfiction the most canonical!”

This is getting good. Tap propped up his head to watch. I wish I had some popcorn.

Leaf leaned back, giving Rita a look of scrutiny. “Story make believe about real ponies you never meet because ponies die a long time ago.”

Rita nodded aggressively. “Fanfiction!”

Slowly, Leaf stood up and stepped over the log. “Need to think about this.” She smiled back at Rita. “Still like story, though.”

Rita huffed, her feathers ruffling. “Whatever.” She turned a page, and grinned at Tap. “You get the privilege of hearing the sequel: Gushing Rainboom Two; Red Tide of Despair!”

Without a moment’s delay, Tap swiftly followed Leaf’s example. Despite the fact that she was a bipedal mutant who had, at one point, intended on killing and eating Paharita and himself, there was something about her that made her company genuinely enjoyable; probably because she didn’t actively antagonize him or try to read him poorly conceived Ministry Mare fanfiction.

Leaf hadn’t gotten too far from the campfire by the time he caught up with her. She smiled over at him, but kept walking. The campfire was a flickering glow in the distance when she finally stopped, then dropped onto her rump and leaned back. Tap glanced over his withers, then back to Leaf.

“I dunno if we should leave that little cunt all alone like this. She’s kind of a wimp.”

“I can hear if danger coming,” Leaf replied. She patted the grassy earth beside her. “Look at stars with me, pony?”

Tap smiled and lowered himself to one side, rolling onto his back. She put her paws behind her head and lay out with him. The night sky was a sea of glittering lights above them, with a full moon rising over the mountains in the distance. He let himself get lost in the swirls of distant, colorful light, briefly forgetting all of his troubles. As with watching the sunset, gazing into the beautiful and endless starscape brought him a feeling of inner peace that he deeply cherished. It also brought feelings of nostalgia. Memories that, somehow, did not fill him with sadness or anger.

“My dad showed me this book once,” he said softly, a little smile on his lips. “It was all about stars and these things called constellations.”

Leaf murmured, “What’s constel-lations?”

“So it’s like… back before the war, the sky was like this every night. And there were these ponies that used to do what we’re doing right now, but they made shapes and figures out of certain groups of stars for fun or something.”

She gave him a glance. “Want to make some?”

Tap shrugged. “Sure, why not.” He scanned the stars for a moment, then grinned. “Okay, do you see that star there? In that kinda white, cloudy spot?”

Leaf lifted a paw, pointing. “Which one?”

“It’s like… reddish-yellow?”

“I no see color, pony.”

“Oh… right.” He scooted closer to her and pointed with a hoof, then looked over at her. “Right there.” When he looked back to where he was pointing, he couldn’t pick out the star he had been pointing to from the stars surrounding it. “Uh, nevermind. Maybe we need a telescope for this.”

“Oh. Okay.” Leaf folded her paws behind her head again. A few moments later, she quietly asked, “Why you go there, pony?”

“Where?”

She shrugged. “Where I meet you second time.”

Tap raised a brow and gave her a sideways glance. “Arbu?”

Leaf nodded. “Nothing there. Only pony bones.”

He sighed. “It wasn’t always like that.”

She went very quiet, turning her head to look him in the eyes. Hesitantly, she whispered, “Your pack… die there?”

“Yeah.” Tap nodded and looked away. “You could say that.”

A dead silence came over them for what felt like hours.

Finally, she whispered, “I think… they in better place now.” He met her gaze and she donned a delicate smile, waving a claw toward the glittering sky. “Maybe my pack chase your pack through stars, like I chase you. Ponies like to run, dogs like to chase.” He met her gaze again. “No more hurt. No more hate. Just fun.”

He smiled with her, nodding. “That’d be nice.” There was another long, awkward pause. He cleared his throat. “Sorry about your family, by the way.”

“No need for sorries,” she said as she waved her paw. “On day we bring down cursed-pony building, the dogs you and griffon kill die with honor.”

Grimacing, Tap looked down at his hooves. “Shit. I meant the megaspell thing, but yeah, I’m sorry about what happened at Olneigh, too.”

She exhaled slowly. “No need for sorries about megaspell, either. Cowards kill my pack. You no coward. Not your fault they die with no honor.” She sighed and shook her head, then started chuckling. “Would have eaten you and griffon, if you not fight so hard, run so fast. Fight so hard, want to track you for honor of hunting you.” Her cheer seemed to evaporate again. “In strange way, you save my life, pony.”

Tap had nothing to say to that. He smiled awkwardly and shrugged instead.

“Mean to say,” she smiled, “thank you.”

After thinking that over for a moment, he waved a hoof dismissively. “Shit, you don’t have to thank me for that. And honestly, you’re doing me and Rita a huge favor, helping us out like this. We’d be fucked finding this lady without you.” He snorted, giving her a sideways glance. “Also, I’m sorry that Rita has been a piece of shit to you. She’s kind of a bag of dicks.”

Leaf shook her head a little. “It okay.”

“I don’t think it’s okay. She treats everyone like assholes. I’m on my last fucking straw with her. She has to realize that you’re not a monster, or at least that you’re useful.” He sighed sharply, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. “She really needs to pull her head out of her ass.”

That got a chuckle out of Leaf. “Not her fault she scared of me, pony. Dogs scary. Most things not dogs scared of dogs. You different. No fear.” She turned her head toward Tap, smiling. “Make me think, maybe not all ponies so bad.”

He started to feel a little warm and fuzzy, and tried to laugh it off. “No, they’re mostly pretty awful.”

“Dogs too. All ponies monsters,” she said in a slightly deeper voice. “That what momma used to say. Tasty monsters. Only good for hunting and eating.” She stuck out her tongue. “If she meet pony like you, maybe she not say those things.”

The next thing out of her was a gentle sigh. “Miss her. Miss my pack… funny, though. Never much liked them when they alive. I rather be out hunting than at home. Pack always pick on me, beat me up, make me eat last, but they still my pack. Now… now, I—” She trailed off, gazing up at the stars.

“You feel alone?”

“Not so much. Miss my pack, but… feel less alone now than when pack alive.” Leaf smiled, rolling onto her side to face him. “Glad I meet you, pony. Make it not so bad.”

“Yeah, well, you know—” The warmth in his face persisted, and then intensified. “You’re good company.”

Leaf Marine giggled softly, covering her muzzle with one paw. There was suddenly something different about her, but Tap couldn’t place it. Perhaps the moonlight was hitting her in just the right way, or maybe it was the way her eyes reflected the glimmer of the stars above.

Whatever the reason, he felt his heart flutter as she lidded her eyes and asked, “You like me, pony?”

Tap tried and failed to hide his grin. “Yeah,” he breathed, squirming involuntarily. “Yeah, you’re alright with me.”

She exhaled a happy sigh and closed her eyes, still smiling. “I like you, too, pony.”

As the words I like you, too resonated in his mind, Tap closed his eyes and pursed his lips, craning his neck toward her. I’m really going to do this, he told himself, simultaneously excited and bashful. I’m going to kiss a hellhound. Whatever. This is my life now, I guess. 

He felt her breath against his nose, a shiver running down his spine. The idle musings came even faster. Her teeth are so sharp, though. What does a dog tongue even feel like? Oh jeeze she’s probably a really wet kisser. He could feel himself getting stiff, cold air on the head of his shaft. I wonder if this is gonna escalate to fucking. 

When he couldn’t stretch his neck any farther, it dawned on him that he had yet to make contact with her lips. Double Tap peered out of one eye, and saw that Leaf was staring back at him, her head tilted, and a baffled look on her face. She had been leaning away as he advanced. They were still nearly nose to nose.

“What you doing, pony?” she murmured.

“I, uh— we—” Tap swallowed, letting himself drop back. “I thought you wanted to kiss.”

Leaf blinked. “What’s kiss?”

“Well, you know!” He squirmed again, his erection throbbing in the open air. Leaf tilted her head the other way, ears twitching. Tap’s jaw hung slack as he realized that she didn’t know. “It’s when two ponies are in the heat of the moment, and they—” Leaf started to snicker. “What are you laughing about?”

She didn’t stop snickering, but she did point to his cock. She started to laugh even harder.

Tap turned his gaze toward his genitals, then back to Leaf. “What’s funny about this?!”

“Pony wiener!” she said between giggle fits.

He wrinkled his nose, frowning intensely. He could feel his erection rapidly wilting. Being blunt was clearly his only option. “Leaf Marine… do you wanna fuck or what?”

Leaf sputtered and fell back, laughing hysterically, clutching her middle as she rolled around. “You wanna mate me, pony?” She curled up, trying to stop laughing long enough to catch her breath. “Gross!”

Tap rolled to his hooves. “What?!”

“I don’t wanna mate with pony!” She stuck out her tongue with a “yuck” and shook her head. “Pony weiner is grrrrross!”

Tap stood in utter disbelief for a moment, as she continued to laugh uncontrollably. When he was too frustrated and embarrassed to endure any more, he groaned and shambled back to the camp fire.

“Wait, pony!” Leaf called. “Come back! I sorry! No angry!”

Rita was waiting for him at the fire, giggling under her breath as he came closer.

“Did you really just try to pork the pooch?!” Rita squealed, wiping tears from her eyes as she doubled over with laughter.

Double Tap gnashed his teeth and stomped off to find somewhere else to sleep, tail flicking angrily. “I don’t wanna talk to anybody, just leave me the fuck alone! Good. Fucking. Night!”

|[o8- ]|[o’o ]|[(  ) ]|