Hello there. It’s nice to see you again.

What’s that? You don’t recognize me? Think harder. Think to those times when you’ve simply wished you could cry. Think to those fitful times of silent anguish as all those around you suspected, but never let on, that I was with you. Think and remember me as you looked in all those mirrors and saw my hideous smile lurking beneath that fake one you put on for others; now do you remember me?

I’m your Sadness and Anger and Depression and Anxiety. I’m everything no one likes - well. Except myself, of course. I’m rather in love with myself - hence why I’m always right about you.

But ‘you’ aren’t the concern today. Today, the concern is a little town called Ponyville. Today, the concern is a happy little place called Equestria. Equestria is full of happy little ponies living happy little lives; they go day by day, doing all their happy little deeds, while happy little princesses fight off hideous, grotesque,monstrous foes practically daily to keep them all with a happy little smile on their faces.

It’s almost laughable, how they live in such deep denial.

Take, for example, one of many foes: the all dreaded Nightmare Moon. Now there was a pony I could get along with. She was full of despair, just before she changed. She knew what her fate was going to be before it even happened. She knew her sister would betray her, knew her sister would hurt her in the worst way possible. Her sister would abandon her. Her sister would leave her for dust and eternal damnation in the sick and endless void of space.

Her agony was delicious.

Do you know why tears are salty? I like to think it’s because they’re just there for an added kick. Your tears are there, no matter the emotion - have you ever cried when you laughed too hard? It’s just like what foods you put salt on - you would put salt on soup just as soon as you would stew. Your emotions are the same for me. All those delicious things like Anger, Distrust, Hatred and Sadness - they all taste so much better with that lovely little addition of salty tears.

Dear, sweet, precious Luna cried ever so much. But too much salt ruins the dish entirely. She stopped as her heart grew colder and colder; after all, revenge tastes best when served cold. Her heart also grew bitter, but it was seasoned with only the sweetest of hatreds. The kind of one whose heart was shattered to the core. The core is always the tastiest.

And then those sickening little twits went and ruined my entree! Those fillies, those Elements of Harmony! Bah! Like little rats in your food, like spoiled cheese on bits of moldy bread! They’re hideously bright and cheery. I disliked them the instant I saw them.

But I am not defeated by them; I am invincible, no matter how much they throw at me. Nightmare Moon’s… departing from this world certainly weakened me, but I surely did not starve. I simply moved to the next thing I could. I preyed on weak uprisings and riots of hatred and anger. Those insufferable little ponies fought me tooth and nail, trying to take away every little food source of mine, but they weren’t successful. Gilda was a particular favorite of mine. She was never resolved. She was simply shunned - brushed under the mat, ignored. Being ignored is such a particular flavor. It tastes like strawberries that have the touch of frost on them, with a side of fresh and acidic pineapple to burn away the vile tastes of what one had thought of as loyalty and trust. Simply lovely.

And speaking of lovely, when the big villains come out to play, the world becomes my buffett. I remember the sheer scent of the chaos caused by my old friend. Discord knew how to make a shaken fear martini better than any Bond Bartender. I’ve never been so full as the times he ran free. I remember the greed that filtered through my scents, and the fear of his victims lacing the air; the sheer amount of food as ponies ran for their very lives sent my head into a spin. Even Discord himself gave off plenty, in the end - shock is a wonderful surprise with its spicy flair.

Yet those ponies cut off my supply once again. Poor Discord was sealed in stone, and, going far too far, they even reformed him to make good decisions. I can taste the vile in my mouth even as I speak of it. Yuck.

I kept harvesting what I could, though it was becoming harder. People were starting to catch hold of the poison - Faith. They had hope, faith, trust, and no limit to their harmonious outlook as that pesky purple pony stumbled through my traps and managed to disarm them. I grew the most tired of it all after my most skilled chef, Tirek, fell to her.

He was an amazing cook - he kept all that pesky magic out of my dish. In return, I got pure fear. Pure sorrow. Pure agony. Pure emotions are the most flavorful of them all. And she ruined that with friendship of all things. She even used Discord against me. How cruel can she be?

And that’s when it finally hit me.

Never scavenge when you can be the top predator.

I’ve devised my plans lately, and I won’t be faltering from them. Already, I’ve begun to get to her - she’s having so many doubts, being a pesky little pony princess. Can she step up to this task? What about her friends? Can she protect them? Her little ears are open to all my little whisperings. In her sleep, she can hear me so clearly, yet suspects nothing. In her wakeful hours of insomnia, I stay by her side and comfort her idle depression - don’t worry, I whisper to it. You’ll still be there in the morning. As she cries, I lap the salty things away like a dog, cleaning up for her as much as she allows. She suspects so little.

I will break her. I will break her to her core.

And no one will ever suspect me. No one will ever know. For I am invincible, as well as invisible. I cannot be harmed. I cannot be thwarted by a jewel or by friendship of by light. No amounts of chocolates or good feelings or well-wishing can keep me away from my prize. I might be stifled a while. I might hide and lick away the acid they pour on me. But I shall always find my way back to my little feasts. They cannot hide from me.

Now do you remember me? Now can you look in the mirror and see me in those bags under your eyes? See me in your very soul? No amount of pleading will tear me away from you. You see, I am inherent in every person and creature and living, breathing sack of flesh in this universe and the next.

I am Depression. I am Sadness. I am Anxiety and Pain and all Suffering. I am the insults and the sticks and the stones. I am the words that managed to hurt. I am the blood. I am the knife. I am the note and the gun, the bullet and the tears that are shed. I am there in every beginning, with the distraught mother, and there in the end of every tired child. I am there, always.

I am Disharmony.

And you’re on the menu tonight.

Author's Notes:

there... wrote it late at night. you can guess how i feel. *yawns* although, bit better after typing it all up. if you're reading this, i decided to post it. sorry if it scares you. just... needed to write it down.