I stamped my feet, trying to keep the cold at bay through movement.  The fall season was waning fast, meaning the onset of winter was due any day now.  Dash had let slip to me that the weather teams were even planning to break winter in a bit earlier this year, owing to the highly fruitful and rapid harvests across most of Equestria.  She couldn’t tell me any timetables ahead of schedule, but the first snowfall of the season was expected soon.

Dash herself had spent the last few days out and about, setting up cloud formations, trying to coax thermal fronts to cool and make way for the drier air of winter.  Her first day off in the week had been last night, and we’d spent it shooting hoops, getting drunk, and riffing a horrible story.  Now, I was out here, watching her train.

Not for the first time since arriving in this land, I was jealous of a pegasi’s furry coat.  Dash had no problem whatsoever dealing with the cold at altitude, while I stood on the ground bundled up in my own custom-made coat.  I made a mental note to sent Rarity a thank-you basket, even if I had paid for it.  Her work was above and beyond the call, as typical.

I stared into the sky, watching the blurred trail of my sometime roommate, trying to decide exactly what it was I was feeling as I did so.  I remembered last night without any problem, as I hadn’t made it to nearly the level of intoxication that Dash had.  I wondered if she remembered.  When she finally work up and walked out of my bedroom, she hadn’t said anything about it one way or the other.  I chalked it up to the massive hangover she had undoubtedly been experiencing, and I decided to let the sleeping dog lie, as it were.  After a hearty breakfast and half a day of recuperating, we still hadn’t really said anything of substance to one another.

Earlier in the afternoon, Rainbow had said she felt like getting out and getting some flight practice, and she invited me along.  It was the first thing she’d really said to me today, and I didn’t want to pass on the chance—but I knew that she was just putting things off until she could sort through her own thoughts.  She’d admitted in the past that she did her best thinking when she was in the air, and the stunts she was practicing were simple; the kind of tricks she could do in her sleep.  I understood why she was here.

I watched her bank, cutting a turn right around a cloud as she headed back towards me.  The sun didn’t have much time left above the horizon, and the golden tinge of the light played across her feathers.  For Dash to lay her soul open the way she did last night was a big deal.  I had no idea how she would end up taking my offer to be by her side as she worked her way back to top form, but—

“Dude, you awake?”

I jumped, shaking myself back into the moment.  Rainbow had touched down and was standing next to me, staring at me with her eyebrow raised.  “I, uh, yeah.”

“So, what did ya think?”

I nodded.  “You looked good up there.  There’s a few high-speed turns where your limbs aren’t held in quite as tightly, I guess that might hurt you a little on speed.”  I really didn’t have much to go on.  Aerodynamics wasn’t my field, I was just trying to find something helpful.

I guess it worked, because she nodded, stretching out her back like a cat.  “Yeah, I dunno if it’s just the time off or all that booze holding me back, but my muscles are definitely a bit sluggish today.”

I chuckled.  “I can’t believe you’re back to flying after the hangover you had.”

“Hey, I’m an athlete, buddy,” she pointed out, “my body is tuned to recover.”

“You ready to head home then?”

Rainbow nodded.  “Yeah.  I got a decent workout in, and you’re practically shivering out here.  Let’s get back to the house.”

I thought about protesting, but she was right; it was cold, and the sun going down wasn’t helping.  We starting walking back towards Ponyville, cutting across town.  All around us, shops closed down as the street lamps started to flare to life.  Homes began to glow with lights as families sat down to dinner.  It was a beautiful scene, and the two of us were alone to observe it as we walked.

I was starting to get worried that we were going to avoid the topic yet again, when Dash finally broke the silence.

“Hey, I know I haven’t said anything yet, but thanks for being cool last night.”

I smiled.  “It’s no problem.”

“You really didn’t have to put yourself out on the couch, though.  It’s not like I haven’t slept there before.”

I shook my head slightly.  “No, I think I did need to.”  She looked up at me, slight confusion in her expression.  “Look,” I said, “things got pretty deep last night.  You admitted some stuff to me, and I promised to help you out, to be there for you.  If I’d just left you on the couch after all that, it would have been pretty easy for us to just laugh it all away; to say it was just the booze talking.”  I looked up at the rose-streaked horizon.  “I wanted to make sure you knew I meant it.  And that meant doing something special for you.”

Rainbow didn’t say anything for quite a while as we continued walking.  Just a handful of yards from my home—or, honestly, our home, as I was starting to think of it—she finally spoke again.

“So... does that mean that offer of a wingrub is still open?”

I laughed.  “Hey, as long as you don’t think I’m doing anything inappropriate by it, absolutely.”

“What is it with you humans and wings?” she scoffed, huffing in mock frustration.  “They’re more than just a giant erogenous zone, you know.  Do you think flying would be easy if they were that easily stimulated?”

“I know, I know,” I replied, trying to keep my laughter down.  “I could—wait, more than just an erogenous zone?  So that still applies then?”

She rolled her eyes.  “Do you get aroused when somepony shakes your hand?”

“Of course not.”

“Now how about if your special somepony is licking your hand and sucking on your fingers.  How about then?”

I blushed, shrugging the collar of my jacket up a little higher to try and hide my cheeks.  I knew it was pointless; Rainbow was a practiced genius at making me blush in embarrassment.  Curse my pale skin and lack of colorful fur to obscure it.  “Okay, I think I see the picture.”

I ignored her silent giggles as I opened the door and allowed her into the house.

“Look,” I said as I shrugged off my coat and hung it on the wall by the door, “I have no problems offering you a—oh, bugger.”  Rainbow turned around to look at me, confused by my reaction.  I hooked a thumb at the TV, where the “incoming call” icon was jingling away on the screen.  “Sorry, Skittles, I think the backrub may have to wait.”

She snorted, hopping up onto her normal place on the couch.  “Always.  Oh well, let’s see what she’s got for us tonight.”

I slapped the space bar and sat down as the call went through.  On the other end, Luna looked up from her book and set it aside.  “Oh, there you two are.  I wasn’t sure if you were ever going to pick up.”

I smiled.  “We wouldn’t ignore you, Luna, we just got back in a few moments ago.  What’s up?”

Luna looked a bit serious to me.  “We’ve got a small storm brewing.  Romance fics are coming en masse, as you humans say, and we need to knock their influence back down before they build up too much steam.”

“Psssh, I’ve been doing that all week with clouds,” Rainbow said dryly.  “I’m sure a story won’t be much of a task.”

“It’s not a very long one,” Luna agreed, floating a clipboard over to her hoof with her magic.  “It might even be fun if you go into it with the right mindset.  We shall see.  It’s called Love Interruption, and I honestly don’t even understand what I’m seeing here.  It appears to be...”  The princess squinted at the data.  “Song lyrics?”

“Oh no...” I moaned.  “One of those.”

“Pah, we got this, Luna.”

Our boss nodded firmly.  “Very well then.  Go to it.  Good luck go with you.”

The light did its thing, and we did ours.

“WE GOT STORY SIGN!”

Rainbow: Well, that’s just rude.

Matt: Fanficus Interruptus?

Rainbow: I suppose I’d still rather have a love interruption than a love eruption.  Less cleanup to do.

Rainbow: Ooh, apples?  Has AJ’s day in the sun finally come?

It was a warm and pleasant day at Sweet Apple Acres.

Matt: It is!  *Matt and Rainbow bump hooves*  That’s AJ off the checklist...

On the farm, there was an orange mare working hard amongst the grove of trees. She seemed to not be performing at her peak.

Matt: Sounds like she could use a 5-Hour Energy.

It was if something was bothering her, and yet she didn't seem to know what it was.

Rainbow: Now see, in a good fic, we’d get an internal monologue, or perhaps we’d follow her around for a while and see her discontent for ourselves.  But nope, we can just save so much time by telling you that something’s bothering AJ!

With a sigh, she continued and got lost in her work.

Matt: I didn’t think Sweet Apple Acres was all that big that you’d get lost.

Her attention was turned from her work when a friend of hers trotted by on the nearby path.

"Hello there, Applejack!" a cheerful voice called out.

"Oh, howdy, Twilight. An' same ta ya, Spike," Applejack replied, looking up to the purple unicorn and the purple dragon that was riding on her back, "what brings ya'll to this neck of the woods?"

Twilight answered, "I need to pick a few apples for later."

Matt: “And I really didn’t feel like paying, so I came here.”

Rainbow: If only there was a store or a market she could pick such things up at.

"Alright. Well, Big Mac should be up at the farm ta help ya out," the orange pony stated, trying to force a smile.

Rainbow: “Harmony, I can’t stand her.  Just keep smiling...”

"Can I stay here with Applejack?" Spike asked.

Rainbow: AJ’s in the background shaking her head and waving her hooves furiously in silent protest.

"Well, as long as she's fine with it. Just don't distract her too much," the unicorn was unsure.

Matt: “Unsure” is not a speaking verb.

"It's fine, Twi, ah don't mind."

Twilight shrugged as Spike hopped down from her back, "Just don't give her too much of a hassle, Spike." She then continued down the pathway towards the barn.

Rainbow: And try to not get both of you almost killed this time.

Spike, on the other hoof, made his way over towards Applejack. As he got closer, he noticed that the pony seemed off.

Matt: Off... her game?

Rainbow: Her rocker?

Matt: The chain?

Rainbow: The hook?

Matt: The heezy fo’ sheezy?

"Hey Applejack, ya alright?" the dragon asked with concern.

The earth pony honestly didn't want to reply, but not wanting to be rude to the dragon, she lied, "Yeah, ah'm fine, just worried about not gettin' the applebuckin' done by mahself today." After speaking, Applejack realized the statement was partially true.

Rainbow: Wow, I know she’s bad at lying, but I’ve never seen a pony end up telling the truth by accident before.

Matt: How bad do you think this accent is going to get before we’re done?

"Oh, is that it? I can help you then!" Spike spoke cheerfully.

Matt and Rainbow: *cock their heads to the side, staring incredulously*  Uh... how?

"Huh?" Applejack wasn't expecting such a reply from Spike, "Uh, Spike, ya really don't need ta do anythin' like that. Ah can handle this."

"But you were just saying there's a lot to do," the dragon pointed out.

Rainbow: What are you going to do, Spike, burn the orchard down?

"Well, ah guess ya can help if ya really want ta," Applejack gave in. From there, she gave instructions to Spike of what to do to help her with the bucking of the trees.

Matt: “Sit over there and don’t move.”

To the surprise of them both, Applejack and Spike finished their applebucking in what seemed to be record time.

Rainbow: Yes, that would be a surprise, if I thought it were even remotely plausible.

Matt: Spike helping is like when the Dirty Jobs crew comes by to “help” at your job.  No matter what, you’re going to lose money on that day.

Rainbow: The show’s version of Spike is completely useless for applebucking.  I’m not even sure if the real Spike could do much.

Matt: He’s the magikarp of ponies.  *laughs*  Aaaaaand, now I’m imagining Applejack using Spike like a club and swinging him at trees to knock the apples down.

Matt: *blinks*  Wait, that was supposed to be a chapter?  It barely even constituted a scene!

Rainbow: What was that, 300 words?  320, maybe?

Matt: Oh, buck me—the name is another song title.  Yeesh, the drinking game would not be kind to this story.

Rainbow: Well, I suppose we can check Spike off the riff list, too.  It’s pretty obvious where we’re going here.

After completing the applebucking, Applejack and Spike were lying down on the grass.

Rainbow: Spike was dead.  Applejack was being restrained by the police.

The orange mare and purple dragon were close as they looked up to the partly cloudy sky.

Matt: Close?  Like, close friends?

Rainbow: Close to finishing?

Matt: Close to... me?  Dangit, now I’ve got songs by The Cure stuck in my head.

A gently breeze

Rainbow: Gently breeze.  I know it’s a typo, but it’s pretty funny to think about a posh breeze with a monocle and a cane.

Matt: How gentlemanly.

Rainbow: Like a sir.

was slowly pushing the clouds across the blue atmosphere, causing the two to point out the shapes.

Matt: Purple prose, passive voice, and bad grammar.  This sentence has it all, I tells ya.

"Hey Applejack, that one looks like a top hat!" Spike pointed up to the sky.

Rainbow: Well, what else would such a gently breeze wear?

"Yer right, it kinda does. That one there looks like some kinda animal, like a rodent or somethin'," Applejack pointed to a different cloud.

Matt: Applejack, Queen of Description.  “It’s like an animal, kind of, maybe.”

Rainbow: She really should have specified whether it was a bear or a mouse, though I know they look really similar.

Spike had trouble seeing what the pony saw,

Rainbow: Due to his being deeply concussed?

Matt: I think it’s due to the fact that AJ has no idea what she saw either.

"I guess it kinda does. Maybe if it's super fat or something like that!" he then laughed at his own comment.

Matt: Spike, fat-shaming the clouds is not okay.

Rainbow: Foals say the darndest things.

Applejack couldn't help but smile, "There's a few there that look like a bunch of apples."

Spike laughed again, "Of course you'd notice that, Applejack!"

"Haha, well what did ya expect, sugarcube? Ah am Applejack after all!" the orange pony gave a relaxed laugh.

Rainbow: “If I had any other aspects of my personality at all, I wouldn’t be in bad fanfiction!”

Matt: What did we expect, if not that?

Spike laughed as well before continuing his cloud watching, "Oh! There's some over there that look like a few gems!"

Matt: The cloud looks like something that can be cut and formed into almost any shape?  That’s almost meta, dude.

"Huh? Where at, Spike?" Applejack seemed to not find the particular clouds the dragon was talking about.

Rainbow: Well, color me surprised.

The dragon scooted closer to the orange mare and raised his claw up in the air to point, "Right over there! It looks like an emerald gem!"

Matt: Clouds probably shouldn’t be green like that, though.

Rainbow: Somepony should probably go check that out.

Applejack finally noticed the cloud Spike was talking about, however, her thoughts were focused on the dragon scales touching her coat. The scales felt alien on her coat. They felt rough and bumpy at the immediate touch, but to Applejack it was wonderful. She had no idea why but she liked it, a lot.

Rainbow: Aaaand, just like that, it’s uncomfortable in here.

"Did ya see it?"

"A-Ah beg yer pardon?" the earth pony's face was slightly pink.

Spike turned his head slightly to Applejack, "The clouds, did ya see them?"

"Oh, right, ah saw them gem clouds," Applejack replied.

Matt: “That one looks like an amoeba!”

Rainbow: “That one looks like a cloud!”

Matt: Woah, that’s deep.

Spike gave a small laugh to himself, "They are actually kinda making me hungry."

Rainbow: Maybe he can eat that laugh he just gave himself as a gift.

"Oh, if ya want, Spike, ya can get an apple ta eat," the orange pony stated, trying to brush off the pink tint to her face.

Matt: Did she spill paint on herself?  Does scrubbing typically remove a blush?

Spike stood up on his bottom claws

Rainbow: Okay... I know what the writer is trying to say, but the mental image this gives is... not pleasant.  Just say “hind” or “back” claws, so my brain can stop doing flips trying to envision what I’m reading, please.

and quickly made his way to grab an apple from a bucket. The dragon grabbed a yellow apple and returned to where he and the earth pony were lying on the ground. Sitting on the ground, Spike then laid back down with his head resting on the side of the mare's torso.

Matt: He stood up, he walked over, he got, he walked back, he laid down again.

Rainbow: You know, after all this beige, I’m actually almost wishing for something overly florid to come our way.

Matt: Do not wish for that.  I’ve seen that side of writing, and it is not fun...

Taking a bite of the apple, Spike spoke, "You don't mind this, do ya?"

Applejack was uneasy despite her reply, "Not at all, Spike. Make yerself comfortable."

"Thanks."

Applejack and Spike continued their cloud watching as the wind brought in new clouds from other places of Equestria and in different shapes.

Rainbow: Nothing Happens: The Musical!

Matt: Musical?

Rainbow: Hey, I can wish for something different here.  I’m trying not to yawn through this.

With Spike's head resting on her body, Applejack was flustered.

Matt: Ooh, “flustered.”  Wonder if he looked that one up or not?

She never had anypony, or anything for that matter, be so comfortable around her. To her, it was completely weird and foreign. But to her, it felt right.

Rainbow: Hey, AJ?  Remember not all that long ago when Spike was the biggest pain on the planet to you?  Remember how he almost got you killed by timberwolves?  Yeah, just think about that for a moment while you settle in there.

"Alright, I think I should head back to the library now. Twilight might get worried if I stay longer," Spike said, standing up and stretching his arms out.

Matt: What a perfunctory reminder that Spike is a child...

"Oh, alright then. Thank ya very much fer yer help, Spike. It was much appreciated," Applejack sat up from her position on the ground, keeping her eyes on the purple dragon.

Rainbow: Ouch, she should put those back in her head.

Spike turned back to the pony and warmly smiled, "It was no big deal, I had fun!"

"Heh, fun isn't what applebuckin' is about, sugarcube, but still thanks fer all yer hard work," Applejack smiled back.

"Of course. If ya need anymore help, just let me know!"

Applejack paused before continuing, "Actually, ah will need some help tomorra in the afternoon if yer okay with it. Ya don't hafta if ya don't wanna."

Matt: “I might try throwing you into the trees tomorrow!”

Spike gave a smirk, "Consider me there!"

A pleasant expression appeared on the pony's face as she joked, "Yer spoilin' me, Spike. Ah think Twilight might get jealous."

Rainbow: If she hasn’t gotten jealous of Rarity yet, I think we’re safe.

Spike laughed before turning to leave, "Nah, don't worry about her. I'll see ya tomorrow!"

"See ya," Applejack watched the dragon walk out of her sight. When he was gone, the mare laid right back down on the grass, looking back up at the blue sky, watching the clouds roll by.

Matt: Blue sky.  I C Wut U Did Thar.

Matt: ...that’s a Bob Dylan reference.  *shudders*

Applejack continued to watch the clouds roll by in the sky.

Rainbow: If she’s still there, was the chapter break really necessary?  Did your hand wear out after writing a whole 719 words?

With a heavy sigh, the orange pony's stare into the blue sky was accompanied with thoughts about Spike.

Matt: STOP.  DESCRIBING.  THE COLORS OF THE EVERYTHING.  AJ is orange.  The sky is blue.  We freaking get it!

She couldn't help but think about him.

Rainbow: Yeah?  Well then, what color was he, huh, story?

'Why am ah so caught up with Spike? He's just a little dragon. Granted, quite cute, but he's jus' a little guy,' Applejack closed her eyes before continuing in her thoughts, 'It's jus' plain weird though. With Spike bein' so chummy and comfortable with me, it felt really nice.'

Matt: Yes.  Yes, it is weird.  Stop right now, AJ, back away from the fic, and let’s check you into some psychiatric care.

"Maybe ah'm jus' out of it right now," Applejack spoke aloud to herself, keeping her eyes closed.

Rainbow: Out of... time?

Matt: Out of your mind?

Rainbow: Out of your league?

Matt: Out of debt?

Rainbow: Out of Dodge?

"Well, of course you are, Applejack, your frown isn't upside down!" a cheery voice blurted out.

The startled orange mare opened her eyes quickly to see the upside down head of Pinkie Pie a few inches from her own.

Matt: Wait, if Pinkie’s upside down, then does that mean AJ’s frown is or isn’t upside down?  I’m lost in the point of reference, here.

"Wah! Uh….Pinkie?"

"Hiya!" the pink pony smiled, retreating her face back to the rest of her body.

Matt and Rainbow: GYAHH!  *both shudder*

Rainbow: Don’t DO that!  That’s horrifying!

Matt: What the buck is Ko, The Face Stealer doing in this fic?

Applejack sat up, "What are ya doin'?"

Matt: You eldritch abomination, you.

"I was playing hide-and-seek with the Cake twins, but I can't find them anywhere!" Pinkie stated to her fellow earth pony before calling out, "Come out, come out! Olly olly oxen free!"

Rainbow: Yeah, Olly!  Set those oxen free!  Ox-en free!  Ox-en free!

"Uh, ah don't think they'd be out here on the farm," the orange mare was puzzled with her friend.

Matt: Maybe you sacrificed them to a dark god for your horrific reality-bending powers and just forgot.

"You're right. So why are you so down?" Pinkie Pie tilted her head to the side.

Rainbow: “Because I’m laying on the grass.  Give me a moment and I can be up instead.”

Applejack laid back down on her back, "Ya want me ta be honest?"

"Aren't you the element of honesty?" Pinkie asked

Matt: Is this hackneyed or not?  I can’t even tell anymore.

Rainbow: I don’t know, but with all this AJ dialogue going on, it’s starting to look like the punctuation was done by a shotgun.

Applejack slightly smiled, "Guess ya gotta point. Ah guess ah feel like there's somethin' missin'. Like when Spike was here earlier, we were just starin' up at the clouds, and….it was quite amazin'."

"It was?"

Rainbow: Pinkie’s understandably confused, since the fic forgot to get that “amazing” feeling across to us.

The cheeks on Applejack's face were pink,

Matt: No, the cheeks on Applejack’s face are ORANGE.  They do not just CHANGE colors.  They may turn pink, they may be tinged with pink, they may take on a pink hue, or perhaps even darken with embarrassment, but they are still ORANGE.

"Y-Yeah, it was really enjoyable….just bein' right next ta the little guy."

"Oh, Applejack, that's wonderful!" Pinkie picked up Applejack, giving her a tight hug.

The orange pony was confused, "It is?"

Rainbow: I’m confused, too, ‘cause from here, it seems more horrifying than wonderful.

"Yes, it is!" Pinkie chimed in,

Matt: “I’ll teach you how to make a shank!  You’ll rule the prison in no time!”

"You figured out what you're missing in record time! It's Spike!"

"Uh….ah'm not sure about that…." Applejack was skeptical despite being almost certain Pinkie's hunch was correct.

"Sure you're sure!" Pinkie's optimism answered.

Matt: I know Equestria’s laws are a bit loose compared to Earth’s, but I’m still not seeing how pederasty is considered a great idea.

"Hmm…." the orange pony looked back up to the sky, noticing it was getting darker.

Pinkie looked up to the blue sky as well. "Now I see why you two were doing cloud watching, there are some fun shapes!"

A smile returned to Applejack's face, "It sure was fun."

Rainbow: Against all odds.

The skygazing was interrupted by the twitching of Pinkie Pie's entire body. "Oh, twitch-a-twitch! Twitch-a-twitch! I know where Pound and Pumpkin Cake are! There are about to get to my super-secret-sugar-stash! I got to stop them!"

Matt: Okay, I know I’m just being obtuse, but Pinkie’s behavior in this fic makes a lot more sense if I imagine that her “super-secret-sugar-stash” is actually her code word for her hidden cache of crystal meth.  This pony has got to be high or something.

"Haha, alright, you go on ahead. Ah'll see ya around then, Pinkie,"

Pinkie Pie dashed off, "Bye-bye!"

Applejack raised a hoof to wave goodbye to her friend. Taking a deep breath, the orange mare

Rainbow: Really, story?  Is she orange?  Are you sure about that?

softly gave a small smile, "Ya sure hit the nail on the head with that, Pinkie. Ah guess ah am missin' Spike."

Rainbow: Oh, I get it, because it’s a PUN.

Matt: ELO, Bob Dylan, and now Heart?  This author has some of the most eccentric tastes in music I’ve ever seen.

Celestia's sun was just beginning the go down in the east after another day of work at Sweet Apple Acres.

Matt: Stop.  Just stop.

Rainbow: Huh?

Matt: Tell me you see that.

Rainbow: I... *facehooves*  Oh, wow.  The sun going down in the east?

Matt: *throws up his arms*  I can’t even.  There is no more even.  We’re dealing with an author who can’t even figure out which direction the freaking sun travels.

Applejack was slightly troubled with her work during the day.

Rainbow: I’d be trouble, too, if the world had just suddenly switched its rotation.

This due to her recent revelation.

Matt: This not a sentence.

Rainbow: It’s the most sentence ever.

Almost 24 hours beforehoof, the orange mare came to the conclusion that she was fond of Spike the dragon. Despite her persistent mind thinking about the dragon, Applejack continued with her chores, including the barreling in the barn that she was doing when the purple dragon stopped by.

Rainbow: Barreling?  Did this story just, like, verb the word barrel and just roll with it?

Matt: It’s not horrible as made-up words go, but it’s still not a WORD!

"Hey Applejack! I'm really sorry that I'm late! I had to help Twilight and I totally lost track of time!" Spike rushed through the open doors.

Matt: Wouldn’t he normally rush through the doors and then say stuff to AJ?

Applejack was a bit caught of guard by his sudden appearance, "Huh?! Oh, howdy there, Spike. No need to fret. Just figured ah'd get started before ya got here."

"Well, seems ya didn't need me all that much," Spike commented, noticing that the pony was close to finishing her barreling.

Rainbow: Still not a word.  Also, what, exactly, would Spike have done to help?

Matt: He could have sent the barrels to Celestia, I guess.

Rainbow: *winces*  Ooh, just imagine expecting a letter and getting a 200-pound cask to the head instead...

The orange mare didn't turn to reply to Spike this time, "Ah guess, but ya can stick around if ya like." Her voice was meek, almost uncharacteristic for her.

Spike hopped up on top a barrel and began jumping from one to another until he got closer to Applejack, "Sure, why not? I like hanging around the farm." After enough hopping, he sat down on one of the barrels.

On her face, Applejack looked worried.

Matt: This writer seems to treat colors and expressions like Fuzzy-Felt stickers that he can just apply to the exterior of a character whenever he needs to.

She continued her barreling of the apples and tried to force herself to make small talk with Spike. The dragon seemed more than happy to oblige, talking about his day at the library.

Rainbow: “First, I slept.  Then I ate something.  Then I did a bunch of busy work for Twilight.  Then I ran away and came here instead, since I knew there was nothing I could do to help here.”

He in returned asked Applejack about how she was feeling. It was this question that caused her to fall silent.

Matt: ARRRRRGH, this passive voice is just killing me!  Not, the question did not CAUSE her to fall silent.  It did not gag her and put a gun to her head.  It may have prompted her to do so, but a character's actions should not be caused to happen by outside stimuli!

"Everything alright, AJ?" Spike asked with a puzzled look after a few moments of stillness.

Rainbow: “Sorry, Spike, I just appear to be a bit vaguely-written today.”

"Truth be told, ah'm not exactly sure," Applejack admitted.

Spike gave a concerned look, "What seems to be the problem?"

Matt: “Well, there’s this rash...”

Rainbow: “Nope!  I’m good now!  Bye!”

Taking a deep breath, Applejack turned to Spike and answered, "Spike, ah think ah'm keen on ya."

The dragon paused before replying, "Come again?"

Rainbow: *turns and stares at Matt*

Matt: *edges towards the armrest*  Nope!  Wasn’t even thinking it!  Stay away from me, you prismatic psycho!

Rainbow: *sticks her tongue out at Matt*  Huh... maybe you can learn.

"Ah mean it, ah really like ya."

The content and happy-go-lucky atmosphere around Spike vanished.

Rainbow: Wow, he’s really disappointed.

Matt: I mean, I know he was hoping for Rarity, but now he knows another of his friends is a potential foal-diddler.  That’s gotta bring you down.

What was left was a very nervous and bashful little dragon. With pink on his cheeks,

Rainbow: Apparently he was playing around in Twilight’s makeup kit before he came over.

Matt: This story just keeps raising more and more questions that I’d like answered.

Spike replied, "Oh….uh….well….I really like you too, Applejack….you are a great friend and what not…."

Rainbow: Is he reading from a cue card just offscreen?

Matt: I think he forgot his glasses if that’s the case.

Seeing the timid and blushing Spike caused Applejack to warmly smile and caused her own nervousness to vanish. Trotting closer to him, Applejack spoke, "Ah'm sorry if that sounded all sudden and weird fer ya. Didn't mean ta make things strange or nothin'.

Matt: Well, too bad, cause it’s freaking strange now!

It's jus' after a lotta thinkin', ah really like ya….well, maybe more than just likin' somepony…."

"For real?" Spike asked, his face blushing a bold pink.

"Really real, sugarcube," Applejack's smile seemed to rub off onto the dragon.

Rainbow: Cheap, imported smiles will rub off if you’re not careful with them.

Matt: It’s always better to by the real, Equestrian stuff.

"Well," looking away and rubbing one of his arms with the opposite claw, Spike began to state his mind, "I have to admit this is really sudden and stuff….but I would be lying if I said I didn't think you were pretty cool, Applejack. And I have always liked helping you out with stuff on the farm because….well, you wouldn't treat me like a some sort of baby."

Matt: Sure, he might accidentally almost wreck the place while trying.

Rainbow: I mean, just because he is a baby is no reason to treat him like one, right?

Spike's face not only had a smile, but was also blushing fiercely.

Matt: *gets up, walks slowly over to the wall, and starts to repeatedly slam his head against it*

Finally, with a nervous smile, Spike turned back to face Applejack.

The dragon's innocent and tense expression was enough to make Applejack softly chuckle.

Rainbow: Innocent and tense?  How does that even work?

Matt: I don’t know, but if this author puts one more adverb in front of the verb it’s modifying, I’m going to start cutting myself.

With a smile, she planted a light peck on Spike's forehead. "Do ya know that yer mighty adorable, sugarcube?"

Spike couldn't help but give a small laugh at Applejack's comment, causing his face to grow an even bolder shade of red.

Rainbow: I think he’s going to explode.

While the two laughed at their own awkward moment of admitting their feelings, an idea entered the mare's mind, "Say Spike, hop on mah back, will ya?"

Matt: Bad touch!  Bad touch!  I need an adult!

Spike agreed to do so, and Applejack took the two of them to the barn's ladder that would go up to the second floor rafters. Being careful with her steps, Applejack carried Spike to the front wooden wall, where just below was the entrance that Spike entered not too long ago. Applejack signaled for Spike to dismount from her, to which he did so.

Rainbow: “There, now nopony will see us so I won’t go to jail.”

The dragon looked at the wall that Applejack seemed to be fiddling around with.

Matt: A grown mare just admitted to wanting a romantic relationship with a toddler.  Please don’t use the word “fiddling” in your story.

Suddenly, with a grunt from Applejack as she pushed the wall, it opened, revealing that it was the second floor door which is normally used for getting items to the second floor of the barn for storage.

Rainbow: This sentence brought to you by the Department of Redundancy Department.

Both the pony and dragon looked out from the second floor door to see the setting sun in the distance, accompanied by a breathtaking landscape. As Celestia's sun was setting, it painted the sky multiple colors.

Matt: Given this story’s level of subtext, it probably did so with an actual paintbrush.

With a smirk, Applejack looked at Spike who seemed to be at a loss for words, "What'cha think, sugarcube?"

Matt: “It’s the same sun that we just saw a few moments ago, only now we’re slightly taller and more precarious.  Are you not impressed?”

"Whoa…." was all Spike could utter. The beauty of the scenery left the dragon astonished.

Applejack laid on her stomach on top of a nearby bushel of hay, "This little getaway spot is kinda a secret of mine. Ah always liked comin' up here alone after a hard day's work, but ah don't mind sharin' it with a special dragon."

Matt and Rainbow: *shudder*

Rainbow: There’s some serious creepy vibes coming off of this fic, man.

Spike smiled at Applejack's words as he sat down to lean back against Applejack's body, "I would be honored to."

Applejack gave a warm laugh before she kissed Spike's check lovingly. The two continued watched the sunset from the top of the barn.

Inside, Applejack finally felt that the void that was previously present was completely gone. It had been filled by her love of a small purple dragon.

Matt: The void in her life was filled by HER love of somepony else?  Even if that made sense, it still doesn’t.

Rainbow: I just think it’s funny how you’ve finally started saying “somepony” by default instead of “someone”.

Matt: Well, after a few months, it just doesn’t make sense anymore.  I mean, I am the only human here, after all.

END

Rainbow: Oh, thank the Sisters, it cut before things got really weird.

Matt: Did it?  Did it really?

I took a moment to shake myself as the story faded out.  “Well, that was uncomfortable,” I said.

Rainbow agreed wholeheartedly.  “You’re not kidding, dude.  I mean, you said the show only covered up to, what, a maximum of two or three years after Twilight came to Ponyville?  I mean, Spike’s barely the size of a pony now, and it’s years later than the show ever portrayed.”

“So,” Luna chimed in, “I take it you are satisfied with your riff?”

“I think so,” I replied.  “Did we get it?  Please tell me we beat it.”

Luna consulted her charts.  “Things are stabilized for now, but do not be surprised if we are required to revisit romance fics in the future.”

“They’re a never-ending source of riff-bait,” I agreed.

“Well, I shall see you both again soon!  Good night to you both!”

Luna blinked out as the call ended and the TV shut itself off.  I leaned back against the couch, slumping into the cushions.  “Romance, pah,” I spat.  “These fanfic writers wouldn’t know romance if it took them to bed.  It’s so easy to spot authors who have no idea what they’re writing about.”

Rainbow looked over at me.  “Are you saying you can tell this author doesn’t understand love?”

“What, is it not obvious?  It is to me.”

My wingmare gave me a hard stare, evaluating me.  “Okay, fine,” she said, “prove it to me.”

I started.  “I, huh?  What do you mean?”

“Explain love to me.  I assume you know what you’re talking about, so explain it.”

I took a deep breath, not really expecting the topic to come up quite so abruptly.  “It—look, the main problem inexperienced writers make is they mistake love for an emotion.  They mix it up with a schoolfilly crush, like this one, or they just confuse it for lust because they think that sex equals love.”

 I glanced over at Rainbow, who was leaning in, listening attentively to what I had to say.  I tried to not feel nervous.

“The thing about emotions is that they’re like fires.  They can burn low or hot, fast or slow, broadly or contained.  They can also start and end.  What you feel today might not be the same thing you feel tomorrow.  Emotions are fickle, and dictated largely by whims and circumstances.”  I looked down at my hands.  “Love can’t depend on something so flighty.”

“So... what is it about, then?” Rainbow asked quietly.

“The thing about attraction and lust is that they’re all about you.  You desire something that somepony else has, and you want it.  Their personality, or a trait, or just their body—what it is doesn’t really matter.  The point is that you want it for yourself.  It’s not necessarily wrong to want somepony else, but it’s not good to use as the sole basis for a lasting relationship.  It’s a poor foundation.

“Real love isn’t like that.  It’s never about you.  It’s always about somepony else.  Emotions will, at some point, fade and flicker.  Hopefully not forever, but there will always be times when you lose that feeling.  Love is a commitment, and that doesn’t just die out.”

I suddenly realized that Rainbow had scooted all the way over to my side as she listened.  She looked almost enraptured by what I was saying.  “And... you can tell?” she asked.

“When you understand the real thing, you can spot a fake without much trouble.”

Rainbow looked up at me.  It wasn’t easy to read her eyes, but they looked hesitant, almost fearful.  “You’ve been in love before, then?”

I looked away, nodding slowly.  “Yeah.  It—It’s been a while, but I had the real thing.  I was married once.”

“Are—did coming here end that?”

Her voice seemed so sad and worried that I had to put a hand on her hoof to reassure her.  “No, it was a few years ago.  I—” I shook my head, fighting down old emotions.  “She passed on long before I was brought to Equestria.”

“Matt, I’m so sorry...”

I looked back down at Dash’s sad eyes.  “It’s okay,” I said, “I’ve had my grieving time.  Now it’s just a dull ache, remembering what I’d lost.  But it makes me cling a little more tightly to the things I care about now.”  I craned my neck around, looking back into the rest of the small house.  “Which does remind me,” I said slowly, “I had something I wanted to bring up to you.”

“Yeah?”

“Well,” I hesitated, hoping that this wasn’t about to come off all awkward.  “See, you’ve pretty much been living here.  I mean, you spend at least some of most days here with me, and you’ve crashed on my couch more than a few times in the last five months.”

Dash’s ears perked forward anxiously.  “Wait, are you...  Is that a problem?”

“What?  No!  Of course not—having you around has been awesome.  I just thought that... well...”  I swept my hair back nervously with one hand.  “I was thinking about cleaning those few boxes out of the spare room.  If you’d like, you’re welcome to have it.”

Rainbow’s ears folded down slightly as a grin spread across her muzzle.  “Are... are you asking me to move in with you?”

“I, uh, heh—I guess I sorta am.  What do you say, Skittles, wanna be roommates?”

“I really do,” she replied, letting herself sink in fully against my side.  Without really thinking about it, I let my arm drift over and wrap itself around her shoulders as she lay against me.  We both just sat there, silently staring at nothing for several minutes, simply enjoying the feeling of a close friend by our sides.

“Matt?” Dash asked, barely above a whisper, “what are we?”

I didn’t say anything at first.  I didn’t really have anything to say.  The same question had been in my head all day today, even if I hadn’t thought of it in those exact terms before.  “I don’t really know,” I said slowly.  “I don’t really have the words for it right now.”

“But... this is okay, right?”

I scratched my fingers through the fur of her shoulder, which drew a contented sigh from the mare.  “This is better than just okay, Dash.  Just because I’m not prepared to put a label or anything on us doesn’t mean we’re not doing fine.  We’ll always be friends, and we’ll always be a team.  After that, well...  We can just take our time and figure it out for ourselves.”

That seemed to be just fine with Rainbow, as she settled in, her chin resting on my thigh.  “Hey,” she said, looking at the front window, “it’s snowing...”

I glanced outside, where I could just see the first flakes of the season starting to fall, glinting in the light of the full moon.  I wasn’t one for omens or anything like that, but I couldn’t deny what I was feeling at the moment.

Here, in this strange land, cut off from almost everything that made me human in the first place, with a mare at my side, I felt at peace.

It was perfect.

-fin-