The Conversion Bureau - Aftermath of Miscalculations

by Dan_s Comments

Chapter 1: Nocturne

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The Conversion Bureau - Aftermath of Miscalculations
by Dan's Comments

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

The ponies won. Humanity was exterminated and erased. Balloons and parties for everyone.

Except. They really didn't understand what they'd done. Some of the `terrible` things humans did, sometimes to each other, were completely justified, as any pony trying to settle in the once-human lands found out. And, ponies weren't the saints they and their adherents told each other they were. They were bullies, speciesist, classist, and a bunch of other -ists I don't have words for. Alicorns on top, unicorns next with proximity to the crown rigidly determining stratification, then pegasi with rank in the weather corps or membership in elite flying units stratifying them almost as solidly, earth ponies at the bottom with money firmly stratifying them. The worse of Social Darwinism, communism, and the Hindu/Confucian caste system all rolled into one unappealing package. Nonponies below them based on the stratification criteria.

Newfoals dead last. Even the lowest earth pony can pick on the richest and most successful Newfoal, without fear of repercussions, usually.

That's where I have my fun. I can't get mad, and I suddenly wanted friends around, so I found a couple of folks just like me, and we go around having fun. A little payback here and there to balance things out. If the ponies get upset, they should be glad they still have that capacity. I don't, and I'd resent the lack if I could.

Laying out the plastic sheeting is important. Staining the floor would give away how I do what I do. The royal guard investigators are inept and oblivious. If they can't solve the crime in the first half-hour, the crime usually never gets solved. I've done this a half-dozen times and gotten away Scot-free every time. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have had the guts to do it here. Here will be our masterpiece. Something to really wake the ponies up.

The first step is the easiest, even easier than when I did this with humans. But humans were a predatory species, they had instincts that 'civilized' people fought to suppress. Instincts they had for a reason, danger is meant to repel, instead it attracted them. Ponies are a herd creature and easily panicked. However, Newfoals creeped all of them out, so any instinct they have about me they put down to my being a Newfoal. It's a huge advantage with step two.

Step two, is get them used to you. Ponyville Library is a public library after all, and the librarian was one of the biggest bibliophiles as well as being one of the Elements of Harmony. Establishing a pattern of checking out certain books instantly attracted her attention. Being able to politely discuss the subjects also helped. Most ponies are uneducated and happy about it, they only need a narrow band of knowledge. Even more are simply stupid. Ignorance is curable, stupid is forever. Twilight was one of the stupidest creatures I've met, and I have encountered a huge number of really stupid humans in my time, both males and females. People who should have known better, or perhaps did, but wanted to be `edgy`. I wouldn't have been so successful if they hadn't been so stupid. And 'Personal student of Princess Celestia' Twilight Sparkle is the prize of the lot.

Step three, is follow the plan. I lay out the tools of my 'trade' with care. The last thing I need is to make a mistake. The tools are perfection, solid metal so they won't catch on anything, and can be easily cleaned and sterilized. Only a bad workman blames his tools, and these are the best that can be had anywhere. This one has to be perfect. It is as much entertainment as it is a political statement. I wish I could do one higher, but the Tyrant Sun has more greedy sycophants around her than I could stomach, and she doesn't care about any of them, only herself and maybe her inner circle. So tonight we dance with her inner circle. This is as high as I go. It will be enough.

Ponies eliminated the human ability to feel anger, to 'save' us, but more likely to prevent us from being able to rail against the inherent injustice of their system. Nothing like billions of helpless victims for the master race to abuse. I'm not angry about it, I can't be. I use it. It's the fun of the whole thing. Them looking down their muzzle at you the whole time, never once guessing that you'd already won.

But I never felt angry when I did this back on Earth. It was just fun. Some people got a sexual thrill out of it. I never did. It was them waking up to the realization of what had happened that was the best part for me. It's a shame I can't do that here. You see, to get this right, I had to drug Twilight and Spike's tea while we had a long conversation about art. Actually I drugged the sugar, they shoveled so much into their tea they'd never taste the drug. So they both were asleep when I got to work. Taking Twilight to the tub to wash her thoroughly before I started was an indulgence, but I want this one to stand out. And 'elbow length' hoof gloves prevented any transfer. Painting the message on the door was the second thing. It'll mean I have to be much more careful later, but I've gotten a good feel about how things space out. I still wonder if anyone explained to the Guards or the Princesses what 'Kill Dah Wabbit' means.

The other part of this is that the ponification made me more willing to work with others. I'd been a loner most of my life, for obvious reasons. I've never been alone, always moths dancing around my flame, but they really weren't 'people', they were my next target. Now I work with a team. I think the Equestrians would be horrified if they understood the unintended consequences of all their 'improvements.' There are certain 'teams' only possible in fiction, or among Newfoals in Equestria.

The potion was supposed to eliminate all the 'evil' from us. But the definition of evil they used was what you'd expect from a university sociology department: having European ancestors, capitalist mores, Protestant work ethic, and having a penis were chief among them. I never had any of those to begin with. Take that away, make everypony willing to have sex with everypony else, and make us all part of the hive and the world suddenly is all smiling flowers and dancing rainbows. Except as I mentioned, ponies are all too often bullying, elitist, xenophobic bigots who panic at the slightest change to their routine. Bigotry is different from chauvinism. Chauvinism is where you think your group is inherently superior. Bigotry is where you think other groups are inherently inferior and act on that assumption. Big difference. Me, I'm a human chauvinist, the ponies talk a good game about being 'better', but they never faced the trials the human race did, and their 'crimes against the environment' beggar anything the human race ever did. They also don't live up to their own rhetoric of friendship, harmony and 'niceness'. And they completely ignore the pony tendency for insanity. Humans understood, that's why the ponies found me and my new partners all together in one place. And why the others in that place were all terrified of us.

I go to the bathroom to take a leak, before I start the real work. 'I'm in Twilight Sparkle's bathroom', I can almost hear the first wave of Newfoals squeal. I still have to avoid grinning at their absolute awe over the Elements and the Princesses. They never understand how deeply disturbing that kind of hero-worship is. Although Celestia seems to enjoy it, but she's kind of creepy herself. I look over at Twilight and wonder what she thinks of it. Considering how readily she accepted me when I didn't act all fangirlish and actually seemed shy, the adoration probably creeped her out.

I rinse the tub, driving what's left down the drain and ensure there's no drips. Then I lug the load over to the plastic and set it down. Now as my partner says, this is the fiddly bit: where to start. But where you start depends on where you want to finish, and I want to finish with the two flaps to look like rabbit ears. So the first job is the legs. For a human, it would be the back or belly, but then they'd wake up and see it, and completely freak out. Which is the whole fun of doing it. I don't think Twilight will freak out, but others will. So it balances out letting the victims see, versus letting everypony else see.

The first time I did this back on Earth, I made a complete botch of the job. The victim died before I was through, and I had to dispose of the evidence. I took time off to study, so the next time I did it, I did a workman like job and my victim lived through it. The same thing happened here. I made a botch of the job. The pony was sedated, but I knew it was a botch. So I built a big fire in her fire place and burned up the physical evidence. Although the smell hung around the neighborhood for days, distressing everypony. Much to my delight.

The idiot guards put the death of a prominent PER member down as suicide. I didn't know whether I should have been overjoyed or offended. I settled on overjoyed when I realized they'd do the same idiotically, incompetent job investigating whatever else I did. They also clamped a news blackout on it, so nopony was ever warned about my games. Even Twilight, my current subject wasn't warned. How stupid is that? Typical 'top-down' mentality. If the regular people are warned, they take precautions and are on the look out. Makes my job harder. But then people might look at other things the 'Queen' doesn't want them to.

The next time I did it, the victim woke up, took one look at what I'd done, and I don't think he's finished screaming yet. My team all dyed our coats, manes and tails for that one to look like other prominent PER members. So one dead, two permanently traumatized, one suicide after arrest and two rotting in prison for the deeds, and me and my team free to move to the next. It was even better than Earth where I had to dispose of my subjects after I was done. Here I let them live on, displaying my work to all who care to see. Like I said, great fun. Any time I'm supposed to laugh at something, I just think of that and giggle and guffaw like a good, little Newfoal.

Unicorns are different, you really have to sedate them or they fire off magical bursts while you work. Ironically, they do the same thing during sex. A really good orgasm and it's a shower of magical sparks everywhere. Which says something really perverted about ponies if they do that while I'm working. I almost wish I could have seen Twilight's sparklettes, but no. Since it ruins the effect and at the wrong time, you might damage or kill them, we sedate them. We've lost a couple from overdosing them. Them dying also ruins the effect, so you have to make sure you post your work prominently, so others can appreciate it.

I step back from Twilight, change gloves and look at the work I've done. It truly is perfection. All my practice on others, all my studying, getting the right tools, it all comes down to this. And I did it.

I briefly consider photographing this work of art, but discard the idea. It's really perverted to fall in love with something you created. It was the whole idea that 'God who created us, loves us' and could be jealous about us that made me an atheist, Celestia the God Queen nailed the lid on that idea hard. But it is beautiful. And now I must make sure others can share in it. Her fur is soft, and unlike so many others, it isn't stained all over by the time I'm done. Kosher butchering: you hang them up, slit their throat, and let their heart bleed them out. An innovation from one of my partners. One I normally avoid, but regrettably necessary in this case.

I never have figured out why these are called thumbtacks, I mean in Equestria where none of the master races have thumbs and they 'ponify' everything, even humans. But the folds are correct and proper, the earlier words are highlighted. I grin, an honest, happy grin, not the sick thing all Newfoals wear as a uniform, but satisfaction for a job well done.

I pack up the rest of the meat in the plastic. And Twilight's hide, looking like a rabbit skin, tacked to the door around the message 'Kill Dah Wabbit' in her blood. All that's left, is to dispose of the rest. I really wish I could have left her alive to see this. She might have appreciated the skill after a while. But that's crying over spilt milk.

I see one of my partners leaving Rarity's place. She gives me a hooves up and I respond. I don't want to think what she did to Sweetie Belle before she 'removed her husk'. That woman scares even me. That's why the three of us were in prison. She carries her own, smaller package. We load it, and head out to the Everfree. The timberwolves will get rid of the evidence. Except the gloves, we'll burn those at Fluttershy's. At least she'll still be alive to appreciate the work after we disappear and change our colors back to our natural ones. I kind of hope my third partner only had to drug the animals. They never did anything to us.

The scream from town as the timberwolves devour the 'bodies' of evidence tells us that our work is being appreciated.

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