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Lyra's Human 2: Derpy's Human

by pjabrony

Chapter 81: 78: Derpartment of Motor Vehicles

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Karyn found herself at the breakfast table, talking to Derpy, as the coffee kicked in at last.

“So how have your classes been going?” Derpy asked.

“Good. A lot of work, a lot of studying, but I’m getting a handle on it.”

“Yeah?”

Karyn stretched and yawned, then focused. “Yes. This is where I really have to pay attention because they’re teaching the stuff that the average person doesn’t know at all, and the professors aren’t afraid to use technical language. But I’m doing all the things that everyone says to do. I’m not skipping class, I’m asking questions, and I’m getting the homework in on time.”

“Good for you.”

Walking over to the sink, Karyn washed the dishes in extra hot water and let the steam open up her pores and her eyes. She told Derpy that she would get dressed properly and not use her changeling magic, and Derpy excused her to do so. When she was presentable, she sat down once more as Derpy stood up.

“So, what’s on our agenda today? Do you want to go to the school again and see if anything else is going on?”

“After last week, I’m not sure I want to have that much excitement. But I thought that I had some errand to run today. I just can’t remember it.”

Derpy gave her best downcast look and patted Karyn with a wing. “That happens to me all the time. I know everypony says to write things down, but I don’t know what I’m going to forget, and if I write down everything I had to do, I’d never have time to do it!”

“Exactly. But I know I know it, I just need some time to think.” Karyn went to the window. Usually Gayle would be out tending the yard, but she wasn’t that day. On the street she saw the fallen leaves bunching near her car…. “That’s what it is! I have to go register the car.”

“Oh! Is that fun?”

A blank stare greeted Derpy in response. When Karyn recovered, she said, “No. It’s about the most un-fun thing you can do without being actually painful.”

“Really? Why?”

Karyn was already getting her coat. “Because it’s so boring and there can be hassles if everything isn’t perfect. Come on, let’s talk while we’re traveling. We want to get in early so that there isn’t a huge line when we get there.”

Once they were in the car and on the road, Karyn said, “See, normally I could do this on the Internet, but because I’m still on my parents’ insurance, that means I’m different from normal people. So I’ve got to go down to the office.”

“But why should that be so unpleasant?”

“Well, think about a store where people are buying things. They’re pretty much all the same, no problems, so it goes quick. But everyone at the bureau we have to go to is different, so it’s stressful on the people working. Be prepared for a lot of waiting.”

Derpy again touched Karyn with her wing for comfort. “It’ll be better if I’m with you. We’ll find a corner of the line and chat.”

“That’s true. And actually, we’ll have an advantage there, because they use a take-a-number system like in a bakery. So we’ll sit on benches and if we’re lucky there’ll be an empty one.”

“Not like in the park where someone comes and almost sits on me.”

Karyn chuckled. “We’ll make sure that doesn’t happen.”

“Explain to me though why you have to register cars. I mean, I understand some government functions like they have in Muland, but why with cars?”

“Well, cars put out a lot of pollution, so we have to be careful with them.”

“Then why do you use them?” asked Derpy.

“Well, that’s kind of complicated. First off, we’re not built for long distance travel by ourselves like you ponies are. You can fly, and unicorns can teleport, and Earth ponies can run great distances without tiring. But humans can’t go that long, so we need transport. Now, a long time ago we had trains the way you do in Equestria, and we still do, but there’s a problem with that. When trains want to haul large cargo like a crane, or bulky cargo like tons of grain, someone would have to come to the station and find a way to move it again to where it needed to be. So it works out better to have one kind of transportation that can go to any building, which is the large truck. Since they need the roads, regular people use them as well, and that’s why we have cars.”

Derpy had been silent throughout Karyn’s speaking, and Karyn could feel how enraptured she was, even though she couldn’t see her face and needed to watch the road anyway. “Wow. That’s amazing. Can you write all that down? I’m sure everypony back home would want to hear that.”

“Everypony?”

“Well, Lyra for one.”

Karyn got off the highway and checked her GPS for the final directions. “Anyway, because we have the roads and they’re so important, all the cars have to be registered and all the drivers have to be licensed. Fortunately my license doesn’t expire for another eight years, but right now, well, take a look, because here we are.”

They pulled into a parking lot, and Derpy looked up. To her surprise, Karyn slowed the car and stared as well.

“What is it?”

“This is a lot different from the office I went to back home when I got my license. That one was one side of a strip mall. Not like this.”

It was a squat office building with alternating horizontal stripes of white concrete and black glass, three stories high. On the far side, it sloped away into an underground parking area that appeared to be jammed up with cars. It was exactly the kind of place Karyn envisioned working at someday, and she did not consider it fair that such a fine building was given over to such an unpleasant activity.

She and Derpy slammed their car doors and Karyn put in her Bluetooth. “Let’s queue this,” she said.

Once they got inside, the layout was more familiar to Karyn. Seven people were standing in line between stanchions right at the front. One was being served, and he left as soon as Karyn and Derpy entered.

“This doesn’t seem so bad,” said Derpy.

“This is only the line to get our number. Who knows how long it’ll be once we do.”

She took her place at the end of the line and spaced out until it was her time. She explained that she was here for registration but that it wasn’t her name on the title. The explanation served no purpose as the bored woman behind bulletproof glass handed her a small square of paper.

“Back left of the hall, elevator bank, go to the third floor.”

“Oh, it’s not all here? That’s unusual.”

“Next!”

Rolling her eyes, she crossed the hall. “That’s what I’m talking about,” she said. “No one’s nice.”

“What number did you get?” asked Derpy.

“Three-oh-three. Watch, when we get up there it’ll be on twelve or something.”

Derpy laughed at that, and the laughter buffeted Karyn’s spirits.

When the elevator doors opened, Karyn looked around to see a series of metal benches. Most were unoccupied and those that were not free only had one or two people on them. She checked for a number board.

“Karyn, look. It says three hundred. You shouldn’t be waiting too long.”

“That’s a green three hundred though. I might be more than three away.”

“I don’t get it.”

Karyn pointed out three other number boards. “There’s red, blue, and yellow as well, see? They’re all for different functions, which is why I had to tell the woman downstairs. So depending on what green is for, the three people ahead of me might take a half hour each.”

As if to put the lie to her statement, the counter clicked over to 301 as she sat down with Derpy. Even when it was a different color that rolled over, Derpy perked her head up. Whether she just liked the pleasant beep it made or hoped it would be for Karyn, she oohed and ahhed and had a good time. After a few dings, she said, “That was a green one! You’re next!”

“Great, that means I have to pay strong attention now. If I don’t race up as soon as it dings for my number, everyone will be ticked at me, especially the person I have to talk to.”

“I think you’re making it a lot worse than it is.”

When her number did ring, Karyn raced up with her form. “How can I help you?” asked the woman behind the counter.

“I need to register my car, but it’s in my parents’ name”

“All right, just check that box there and sign below.”

Karyn stared. “That’s it?”

“Well, then we need payment as well. Cash or charge?”

“Debit card OK?”

“That’s fine.

Thirty seconds later, the transaction was complete.

“There. Now was that so bad?”

“I’m honestly shocked that it was that easy.” Karyn collected her things and shouldered her purse. “I guess that it’s become such a familiar idea that someone got the idea to get better customer service.”

They moved back toward the elevator and stepped inside. After checking that no one else was coming, Karyn pushed the “Door Close” button.

“Now we’re going to have some fun, right?”

“Anything you want to do.”

“Even helping you out is fun,” said Derpy.

The elevator stopped, and Derpy made a move to leave, but Karyn saw that it was only the second floor and pulled her back. The doors opened and Karyn stared at a heavyset woman backed by four or five men. They entered the elevator, pushing Karyn back. All at once, things happened.

As the doors closed again, Karyn tried to take up as little space as possible, shrinking into the corner. The ceiling of the elevator car was low, and Derpy was forced to hunker down on Karyn’s shoulders. The portly woman crowded Karyn who made a sudden movement. Right then, the elevator started its descent. That tripped Derpy, who tried to right herself the best way she knew how, by flapping her wings, bumping her into the ceiling. She cried out, cutting it off, but not quickly enough to stop the woman from turning around.

Now facing the back, and with Derpy flapping, the woman threw up her hands and got a face full of invisible wing. Acting by reflex, she clutched her hands at the air. One dug into Derpy’s flesh causing her to call out. The other got a grip on one of Derpy’s hooves.

“There’s something in here!” the woman screamed, but at that moment the elevator had reached the ground floor. The doors opened again.

If nothing else, the pressure of close quarters was released, and by the front of the car, one of the men who had gotten on one floor above stepped out, yelling for security. The other men backed off slowly, unable to tell whether she was having a fit or whether she was in fact being accosted, perhaps by some kind of insect.

Karyn tried to push out of the elevator, hoping that once Derpy had room to maneuver, she would escape easily enough, and then the only problem would be some hasty explanations. But that woman had a death grip! To make it worse, a security guard in a gray shirt and leather belt came running up from the front desk. Karyn looked at his belt and saw that he was unarmed, or at least had no gun. He did have a radio, which he clicked and said something unintelligible. Then he said, “Everyone, let’s calm down.”

“No, it’s here, I tell you!” the woman said. “Help me with it.”

The guard flashed a blank look and went for his belt. Karyn saw the small cylinder in his hand and recognized it as pepper spray. Not knowing whether he was going for the woman or for Derpy, she couldn’t help herself, grabbing at the woman’s arm. “Let Derpy go!” she said.

He triggered the spray. Most of it got on the woman who immediately began coughing and hacking. A few drops hit Karyn’s arm, stinging and burning it. She rubbed her arm to try to diffuse it as much as possible. The problem was Derpy. Karyn knew that the invisibility spell transferred to inanimate objects on Derpy’s body, so she could wear her saddlebag or a dress without attracting attention. At that moment, the spray hung in the air, outlining the end of her front hooves, before fading into transparency.

Despite trying to keep hidden, Derpy couldn’t help giving a short coughing cry. That spurred the security guard to more action, as he ran toward the area where the spray had gone and swung his hand. It found purchase on something and he struggled with it. Karyn wanted to help, but attacking a security guard was sure to make the situation worse.

He pulled away, falling onto his backside with his fist still clenched. In front of everyone’s eyes, the air shimmered and faded into a cloth-knit saddlebag.

Now Karyn was really worried. She eyed the bag just as everyone else did, but with different intent. She had to get to it to either give it back to Derpy or get one of the spells herself. Ideally she’d want the time stopping spell, but any spell would serve as a distraction to figure out what to do next. The other problem was if the guard or anyone else discovered the spells and figured out how to use them. Right then, the only thing stopping them from learning the secrets of magic was the design of the spells themselves.

They had no plan, no drill for such a situation. Karyn wondered if Derpy would try to get away anyway to avoid being captured, or if that was useless since her only path back home was in the hands of the authorities. Just then a police car, not even bothering to use its siren, parked in front of the door, two officers emerging right after.

They sauntered up to the guard and asked what was going on. Although they spoke in hushed tones, Karyn could see that they pointed and gestured to her, and after that one of the cops kept her in his peripheral view at all times. She tried to shuffle closer to Derpy and reach out for her, but either she was incapacitated by the pepper spray or was frozen by fear, because she did not respond.

One of the officers walked over to the woman who had initiated the situation, helping her recover from her coughing spurt by giving her water to drink and wiping her face with a small towel. The water didn’t seem to help much, and he stood up to walk back to his partner.

As if on a whim, he took the water bottle and splashed it in the general area of where Karyn was standing. It splashed off Derpy and everyone could see a repeat performance of the invisibility magic spreading over the suspended water droplets. The cop walked forward and poked at the air with his nightstick. Derpy finally started taking the initiative, ducking and dodging in the air, but eventually the stick struck her and bounced off.

The cops looked at each other, and the one still standing by the guard nodded and picked up his radio. He put it close to his mouth and said, “Code sixteen.”

Even though it was muffled by the usual radio distortion, Karyn heard the dispatcher on the other end say, “Come back, did you say code sixteen?”

“Confirm, code sixteen.”

“All right,” the voice on the other end said, and the officers reconvened.

“Should we clear the area?” the one said.

“Code sixteen says to take no further action. Wait for backup.”

Karyn concluded that the mysterious code was the policeman’s way of saying, in essence, “We’re dealing with something where we have no idea what’s going on. Send in whoever deals with that.”

She huddled against the wall, and that at least brought no further disapproving stares. She tried to think, her eyes flitting every which way. There was no way to get to the bag without incapacitating three officers. Could her changeling powers help in any way? Perhaps by becoming something fast and strong, she could overcome them. The problem with that was the small black hemisphere she saw on the ceiling. She was on camera.

In her mind Karyn traced that path. She could get away, but then the police would get the tape, see the blonde girl, trace the time to when she was at the desk, and get her name off the registration. Not good.

While she went through all that, another man had shown up. Karyn had expected the same uniform, so didn’t even realize that he was there until it was too late. He was in a gray suit, and had the perfect look to blend in to a crowd. The only thing that stood out was the bulge in his jacket around his hip. This one was armed too.

After he was explained the situation, he directed the officers to clear everyone from the room. The lady who had been pepper-sprayed got the full attention of one officer while the other dealt with everyone else. Karyn tried to stand up herself, but the man in the gray suit shot her a look and pointed at the ground. She sat back down. Once everyone was out, the two officers returned.

“You guys can clear out too,” the man in the suit said. “Just report it as code sixteen, I’ll take care of the rest. Leave the bag on the floor.”

His tone of voice left no room for disagreement. The cops left, happy to be out of the situation without having to make a complicated explanation to their supervisor. Karyn was now left with Gray Suit and Derpy. Her options seemed to increase. If she could only get this man to understand—if she could even get him out of sight of the camera, she could transform and gain the upper hand. But her main goal was still to get the bag over to Derpy.

“Anything you want to tell me?” Gray Suit said.

“If you’ll pass over the bag, I can explain everything.”

“I don’t think so.”

“I didn’t mean to me,” said Karyn. “Just slide it along the floor—“

“To your friend? Even less of a chance.” He took out a scanner which chirped a few times like a Geiger counter, then ran some other tests with it that Karyn had no clue what meant. Taking out a notebook, he wrote down a few things, never taking his eye off Karyn or Derpy.

Their long bond had given Karyn a sixth sense about Derpy, and she got the feeling that Derpy was about to try something. Feeling the imperceptible difference in her position, she wanted to distract Gray Suit as much as possible.

“Look—“ she said.

“Don’t bother. And sit down, whoever or whatever you are.”

Now Karyn was really scared. He was right about to discover Derpy’s existence, and Karyn had no idea what to do about it. But to her surprise, he immediately changed demeanor, becoming friendly as if he were no more than a valet. His words belied his true intent.

“Actually, you can get on your feet, both of you. Don’t make any false movements or try anything, and we’ll all get through this together.”

Karyn stood as slowly as she could, still looking for an exit strategy. Begging and blubbering were starting to look good. “Sir, if you’d just tell me, let me go, I—“

“Hey, kid, don’t worry. Just cooperate and everything will be fine. Now, we’re going to go out to the car and take a drive. But if either of you try anything, I’ll take it out on the other one. Is that understood? Then let’s go.”

Keeping tight hold of the bag, Gray Suit walked backwards toward the door. This had to be Karyn’s opportunity. But as they passed the threshold and she saw the black SUV idling in the fire lane, a second SUV pulled up. Suit spoke to Derpy. “Get in this one. Again, don’t try anything or it won’t go well for your little friend.”

Whether Derpy got in or not, Karyn couldn’t tell, but Gray got into the new SUV and Tan Suit stepped out, clicking a remote to open the back door on the old one. Not knowing what else to do, she stepped in and shut the door.

That the windows were opaque she could see from the outside, but until she was inside and daylight dimmed, she hadn’t realized that the side windows were tinted from the inside as well. Even the rear window made it impossible to see anything. If she put her face right up against the glass, she could almost make out shapes. The only way to see where they were going was to look out the front. Tan Suit got in, started the SUV, and pushed a button.

A divider slid up between the rear seat and the front. All four directions were now blacked out. Karyn tried the door handle, finding it inoperative. She was being taken away, and would have no idea where.


To be continued...

Next Chapter: 79: Cloak and Derper Estimated time remaining: 21 Hours, 55 Minutes
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