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Lyra's Human 2: Derpy's Human

by pjabrony

Chapter 72: 69: The Missing Dink

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The Ponyville train station was nearly deserted. With the sun newly risen and the train not due for twenty more minutes, only two figures waited in the still of the morning. One gray pegasus, smiling and bright-eyed stood while one human leaned against the wall and yawned.

“Explain this to me one more time,” said Karyn. “Why you had to arrive while I was still sleeping, schlep me onto your back, teleport to Equestria, and force-march me down to the train station.”

“So that we can see Dinky of course!”

“And the reason that she had to get up even earlier to catch the first train of the day?”

Derpy stopped her bouncing around and faced Karyn. “Because we’re here waiting for her!”

“I must still be asleep. That almost makes sense.”

The station clock was not within their line of sight, and Karyn kept checking her phone for the time, which never seemed to be changing. She did not care if Derpy reprimanded her for being too obsessed with her phone.

When the train finally did come, Karyn didn’t notice the whistle and only paid attention once the sound of the engine reached her. Giving one more yawn, she took a deep breath and considered herself fully awake. It was time to meet her friend.

It took a long time for the train to stop, and even longer before the first ponies emerged. Derpy was nearly salivating at the prospect.

“Wow,” said Karyn, “you really have been missing Dinky.”

“I’m always thinking about her.”

Still expecting to see the unicorn running toward them any minutes, Karyn and Derpy both face-watched, coming up with only strangers. Ponies were walking away from the train toward the town, and still Dinky was nowhere to be seen.

“Where is she?” asked Derpy.

“I don’t know. Maybe she missed the train.”

The station was nearly abandoned again as the last few ponies left. Somehow, it seemed more alive than before, after the train had passed.

The one pony who was there wore a blue uniform. He was a young colt, and he seemed to be checking a sheet. After several repetitions, he accosted Derpy.

“Miss…Hooves?”

“I’m Derpy Hooves, yes.”

“I have a letter for you.”

Derpy squinted at him. “You’re a mail carrier?”

“Er, yes? I just joined up with the Canterlot post office.”

“And you have a letter to deliver. Does it have an address?”

He hastily looked at his clipboard again. “Um…it does!”

“Are there any special notes listed?”

“Let me see…it says that recipient will likely be at train station with…what’s this word? Then it says companion.”

“Could the word be ‘human’?” asked Derpy.

“I…maybe.”

“Listen up, colt. If you’re going to carry the mail, you’ve got to get your heart into it. You’ve got to care about each little piece of mail. Have you ever been to your dead letter office?”

“O…once.”

Derpy’s anger was growing. “Did you enjoy it?”

“What?”

“No, you didn’t! Because that’s where mail that wasn’t cared for goes! Now, the next time you get a letter to deliver, you’d better know those notes and be prepared to find the pony you’re looking for.”

“Derpy!” Karyn decided that enough was enough. She addressed the stallion. “Please excuse her. She’s upset because we expected her filly to be on the train, and she hasn’t shown up. She doesn’t mean to take it out on you.”

“Yes, I—“

“Derpy, don’t you actually want to read the letter you have?”

Like a light switch, Derpy switched from rage to joy. “Oh, right! It’s in Dinky’s hornwriting.”

The mailpony, just happy to be out of the conversation with Derpy, galloped away toward Ponyville, checking his next letter and hoping it wouldn’t be as rough a delivery. Meanwhile Derpy read off.

“’Dear Mommy, I know that you were looking forward to seeing me today, but the fact is that too many errands have come up here that this week is a bad time to see me. It’s a shame, because I do want to see Karyn, and of course I miss you every day. Write me back and let’s reschedule at a convenient time.’ She’s not coming!”

“Aw, that’s a shame.”

An echo of the anger that Derpy had shown toward the young stallion showed in her face. “I am getting just a little bit upset at all of our plans being put off for one thing or another. First our trip to Cloudsdale gets postponed because we have to help out Scootaloo with her research, and now Dinky’s visit gets postponed. Enough! We are going to take action.”

“You’re right, this works out perfectly. We can just go—“

“Exactly! We’ll get on the next train and go to Dinky in Canterlot! Whatever she’s busy with, we’ll help her, get it over with fast, and then have fun.”

Karyn had a private facepalm, figuring that the more obvious response would be to have their Cloudsdale outing right then, but Derpy was not to be balked. After buying two tickets, they were once again standing in the train station, waiting alone.

“How long is it till the next train?”

Derpy checked the schedule. “About half an hour.”

“So, once that comes and then we take the time and then travel in Canterlot to get to Dinky’s place, are we really going to have enough time to actually have fun?”

“It’s Dinky! Of course we will!”

With Derpy unable to be swayed, and Karyn not sure that her plan wasn’t the right thing anyway, she waited and then boarded the train. Derpy kept her wings flared the whole time, as if she could drive the train faster by doing so. Disembarking at Canterlot, she was in high trot as soon as they got off, and Karyn had to run to keep up.

“Wait, Derpy, do you even know where you’re going?”

“Of course! I won’t get lost like we did before!”

Well, at least she’s getting her exercise, Karyn thought as she hustled to keep Derpy in sight. She briefly considered changing to her pegasus form in order to keep up, but she worried that the time it would take and the momentary green light would be enough to lose her way. So they attracted the stares of the Canterlot snobs.

Finally Derpy came to a halt, and as Karyn caught up, panting and wheezing, she saw Derpy staring at a sign. “Why did you stop?”

“I forgot. She’s not at school right now.”

They had indeed stopped in front of Princess Celestia’s school, but it was closed.

Karyn reflected. Even a closed building was different in Equestria. There were no locked doors or doused lights to indicate that one shouldn’t try to enter. Only the lack of movement inside tipped Derpy off to its closure.

A moment later, she had no more time for contemplation, for Derpy was once again going at top walking speed.

“Where are you going now?!”

“If she’s not here, she has to be at work, right? Come on!”

Another half-marathon later, Karyn again stood, hands on her knees, while Derpy ducked into the curio shop on the edge of town. When she burst out, Karyn asked, “Where is she?”

“Mr. Pincenez said that it was her day off. Then he tried to get me to buy a rusty horseshoe. Why would I want that? Anyway—“

“No, wait. Before you go running off again, two things. First, I have to get some water somewhere. Second, I know you miss Dinky but you can’t just go tearing around Canterlot to find her. You’ve got to calm down.”

Derpy was still craning her neck around as if to catch Dinky walking by randomly. Karyn wanted her full attention, but had to settle for what she could get.

“Why are you so hyper today?” asked Karyn.

“I…I’m not sure. I just feel that I should see her. Call it mother’s intuition.”

“Well, we’re not going to find her by going randomly. Let’s sit down and think.”

Derpy crouched down on her haunches. “What shall we think about?”

“About Dinky I mean. It’s Sunday, she’s not at school, and she’s not working. Where would be the likely place she would be?”

“Umm…at home?”

Karyn snorted. “She has a home away from the school?”

“Yes.”

“Then why didn’t we go there in the first place?”

A moment of silence. Derpy blinked a very deliberate blink.

“Do you know where it is?”

“I think so.”

Karyn stood up. “Derpy. You’re a great pony and I’m glad to be your friend. But man, you need me around.”

“Of course I do.”

“Let’s go.”

At a more deliberate pace, no more attracting the kind of stares that they had been, they made their way down Canterlot streets. Karyn had no idea what kind of dwelling a young unicorn could get in the big city where all the posh ponies lived.

It turned out to be an apartment on the third floor of a shop on a busy lane. It couldn’t have been very quiet, and didn’t afford privacy, but it was livable.

Derpy flew up to the balcony behind the stop but left Karyn to climb the stairs. In that moment, Karyn thought she saw a familiar coat color, not in the room, but down the alley.

“Dinky!” she called out.

With Derpy busy looking in the window, still assuming her filly would be inside, Karyn started down the stairs. But instead of Dinky racing toward her, she turned down a corner, only to appear a moment later.

“Karyn! What are you doing here?”

“Come on over!”

Dinky trotted up, and all three ladies met halfway up the stairs in a hug.

“Ooh, we’ve been just everywhere!” said Derpy.

“But why? Didn’t you get my letter?” Dinky broke the embrace and scanned all around. Karyn wondered what she was looking for.”

“We did, and I don’t know how you thought that I would just ignore it and let you out of our time together!”

“Really, Mommy? You know, I’m not a little filly anymore. You can’t just hover over me and watch everything I do all the time.”

Derpy stepped back, as if unable to believe that Dinky could defy her like that. “But you’ve never said no to being with me. Especially when Karyn’s around.”

“There’s a first time for everything, you know.”

From Karyn’s perspective, she thought Dinky was not as angry as her words indicated. She shifted on her hooves and had occasional horn glows, even though she wasn’t casting any spells that Karyn could see.

“Is everything all right, Dinky? Your mom was saying how she had a feeling that you needed her.”

“No, I mean yes, everything’s fine, I don’t need anypony else. I mean, right now, I don’t need anypony.”

“Calm down,” said Karyn. “Everypony is hyper today.”

“I’m not, anymore,” said Derpy. “Now that I’ve found my Dinky.”

Dinky was still looking all around. “Well, do you want to go inside? I mean, if you want to.”

Karyn snapped her fingers. “I know what it is! I bet your apartment’s a mess and you don’t want your mom to see it, because you know how she gets. Don’t worry about it. There’s no way you can be worse than Scootaloo after all.”

Derpy peered at the outside window, but it was too dark to see anything. “Hmm. If that’s the case, I think I’d rather not see. Why don’t we just go down to a restaurant or something and grab a bite to eat?”

Dinky started down the stairs. “That sounds great. Let’s do that. I like to eat at the Haymaker Café. Want to go there? It’s two blocks down, then make a left and another block. Oh, but I’ll show you where it is, no problem.”

“Dinky, why are you shouting like that?”

“Am I? Um, Am i? My ears must be clogged!”

Karyn eyed her suspiciously, and even Derpy could see that something was up, but neither could tell what it was. The frustrating part was that if Dinky didn’t want to be honest with them, there was nothing they could do to force it out of her.

They walked down to the café. Dinky started off leading the way, but dragged her hooves as they walked and was soon bringing up the rear. It was Derpy who asked for a table and ordered drinks while Dinky kept looking around and Karyn watched her, trying to figure out what it was that was bothering her so.

Other than that, it was a beautiful, pleasant day in Canterlot, and Karyn briefly considered if she wasn’t overly suspicious and Dinky simply didn’t want to enjoy her freedom. After all, it was Karyn’s free time as well.

She sipped at a smoothie that she was fairly certain contained no ingredients that she couldn’t digest. Derpy also enjoyed her drink. Dinky, however, downed her soda as fast as she could.

“You enjoyed that,” said Derpy. “Would you like another?”

“I would, but before that I have to um, you know…” She looked at Karyn, then slid her chair next to Derpy’s and whispered something.

“Yes, humans use the bathroom too!”

“Well, I didn’t know. They wear clothes all the time. Who knows what other weird taboos they have?”

With that, she trotted into the café. Karyn shook her head and laughed to herself at Dinky’s lack of understanding of human culture. She wondered if she couldn’t invite Dinky back to Earth to share her life and unconfuse her. But her idle thoughts were shaken when she heard galloping out of the back side of the café.

“Sigh. Derpy, I’m willing to bet that Dinky won’t be back from the bathroom for a while.”

“Do you mean that she…”

Karyn followed Derpy’s train of thought. “No, Derpy. I mean that she doesn’t have to go to the bathroom at all. Well, maybe she does, but that’s not why she left.”

“Oh. Then why? It’s not my birthday, so she can’t be planning a surprise party.”

“We would have known that anyway. If she were doing that, she wouldn’t have sent the letter. There was no way she could have known that you wouldn’t listen and would drag me to Canterlot anyway.”

Derpy took another sip and stared. “I guess that’s true.”

Both of them sat, sipped, and brooded. At last Dinky returned.

“Hey there!” she said. “Did you order my second drink?”

“Oh, no.” said Derpy. “We forgot. I’ll get it now.”

“Don’t bother! I’ll get some for all of us.”

“No, I insist. It’s my treat all the way.”

Derpy stood up to find the waiter. As she left she signaled to Karyn with a wink. Karyn understood. She was hoping that, if left alone and out of earshot of her mother, Dinky might explain herself.

“So, how’s your summer been going?” she asked, trying to work her way up to more probing questions.

“Fine. Yours too?”

“Oh yes. Meet any interesting ponies lately?”

That got her attention momentarily. Dinky made eye contact with Karyn for the first time. “Interesting ponies?”

“Yes, anypony new in your life you want to tell me about?”

“No, there isn’t. Would you excuse me? I’m going to see what’s taking mommy so long.”

“Wait, Dinky!” Karyn called, but Dinky was already rushing into the café. Karyn turned and actually saw her running out the back door and down the alley. Then it hit her. “Derpy!”

Derpy returned with the drinks. “Yes?”

“I think I’ve got it. I’ve seen this so many times on TV. Dinky must have a boyfriend!”

“A what?!”

“OK, well, a coltfriend, you’d say.”

Fortunately, Derpy had already set the drinks over the table, so when she dropped them they only fell a few inches. Nothing broke, and very little spilled. “You really think so? My little Dinky finding a colt she wants to be with? Then why doesn’t she introduce me?”

“When I first got together with Mike, it was months before I told my parents. Kids are just like that. Of course, there’s always another possibility.”

“What’s that?”

“She might have a filly she’s in love with instead of a colt.”

Derpy didn’t respond, and Karyn was unsure if she fully understood the concept. But she didn’t press. At last, Derpy asked. “So what do we do? We want to get her to admit it, don’t we?”

“We do, but we can’t pressure her. We’ve just got to relax, make her relax, and hopefully she’ll understand that we love her and only want the best for her.”

“Right.”

Dinky showed no signs of making a quick return, but Karyn didn’t mind. She had developed a taste for the drink that Derpy ordered and happily sipped away.

Their table was up against the wall, and Karyn sat in shadow. The ponies passing by, mostly unicorns, usually failed to notice her. She mentioned this to Derpy.

“If you sit still,” Derpy said, “you might appear to be a fresco. Which makes sense, since we’re al fresco to begin with.”

Karyn reeled from the pun. How Italian words translated into Equestrian so as to still be a pun, she didn’t know, and wondered if the magic wasn’t taking a better pun and doing the best it could. While still considering, Derpy continued.

“What do you think he’s like?”

“Who?”

“Dinky’s coltfriend? Or fillyfriend?”

Karyn finally came back to the conversation. “I don’t know.”

“I’m just saying, it’s a big indicator of how I raised her. If she finds a really good friend to be her special somepony, it means that she’s confident in herself, that she’s not needy, that she’s really grown up. It’s almost like my final exam as a mother.”

“Hey, don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Dinky’s still young. Maybe the first pony she meets won’t be the one for her. Her growing up and showing an interest in other ponies that way doesn’t mean your job as a parent is over. It might only be beginning.”

“There you are!”

It was Dinky returning at last. Karyn leaned over and said to Derpy, sotto voce, “Remember, relax, get her to relax, and let her come to us.”

“Right.”

Dinky sat down. “I got all turned around and couldn’t find you! I had to go all the way home and then take the route I knew to get here.” She laughed embarrassedly.

“That’s all right,” said Karyn. “Just sit down, take your drink. I’m sure it’s still cold, and we’ll all—“

“What’s he like?!” shouted Derpy.

“What?!”

Karyn downed her drink in a single gulp. Derpy was hovering with excitement.

“Karyn figured it all out! We know that you’ve got a coltfriend or a fillyfriend and you’ve been ditching us to spend time with him or her. I’m so excited!”

“Mommy, you’ve got it all wrong. I don’t have a coltfriend.”

“So it is a filly?” asked Derpy. “Don’t worry, I don’t mind.”

“No! It’s nothing like that at all! I don’t have somepony I’m with yet, and I haven’t been ditching you!”

Derpy shook her head. “Dinky, don’t lie. You’ve been trying to avoid spending time with Karyn and me all day, and we can tell that there’s something going on.”

“Grr! Mommy, stop trying to pry! It’s better for you not to know!”

Derpy opened her mouth, but Karyn put her hand up to silence her, then reached over and laid her hand on Dinky’s hoof.

“Listen. I’m saying this as your friend. You know that your mother is going to think the worst if you don’t explain. Whatever it is, just let us know and we’ll get through it together. Please.”

Tears were welling in Dinky’s eyes. “But what if it is the worst thing that Mommy could see?”

Karyn had to think fast. “Then that’s why I’m here. If it’s something that she can’t take, I’ll explain to her the things you can’t. But keeping secrets isn’t going to help. Please,” she said again.

Looking back later, Karyn would always believe that, given but a moment longer, Dinky would have told everything. But before she could speak again, Karyn saw a shadow overtake them at the table, and she looked up.

Standing there, looking over the scene, was a reddish-brown Earth pony stallion. His mane was shaggy and curly, and his belly hung down in a paunch. His expression bore a mark of bemusement and surliness, as if seeking to blame Karyn for making Dinky cry. Karyn sat back, trying to get a read on him, but her eyes were pulled away to Derpy.

She sat there, her hooves at her side. Her wings drooped down, not pinned to her body but dangling as if she’d lost all muscle control. Her eyes, usually so full of laughter, were devoid of emotion. Her mouth was a slit.

The stallion looked at her and cocked his head, wondering how the stone face was going to break. Without moving, and barely opening her mouth, Derpy said one word.

“Hello.”

From the gentlest creature Karyn knew, the word carried ice in its tone. All the anger that Derpy had poured out to the young mail carrier was still jovial, and her frantic worry over Dinky couldn’t break her happiness. But now, all Karyn could detect from Derpy, besides a tinge of fear, was a placid, cold hatred.

“Derpy,” he responded, and she lowered her ears slightly, as if her name had been tainted by him saying it.

Karyn didn’t know what to do, so she sat there as he turned back to her. Dinky stood up and positioned herself in front of the stallion.

“Karyn,” Dinky said, “This is my daddy.”


To be continued...

Next Chapter: 70: Derp Beat Dad Estimated time remaining: 24 Hours, 10 Minutes
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