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Lyra's Human 2: Derpy's Human

by pjabrony

Chapter 29: 29: Making a Good Dinkpression

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The first thing that struck Karyn was how similar, and yet how different, the grown-up Dinky looked to the Great and Powerful Trixie. Her mane had bleached out a little and she comported herself with grace and poise, but Dinky’s smile was one of kindness as opposed to Trixie’s smile of malice. That was the only impression of Dinky she could make at first, though, since Derpy was monopolizing her with hugs and wet, sloppy pony-kisses.

Conscious of the princess still standing next to her, Karyn said, “Can I get you anything, your highness? It’s not my house, but I know a little of its layout and I’m sure I could find you some tea or a bite to eat.”

“Thank you, no. I have things to discuss with Derpy, but it would seem that is not feasible at this time. Instead, let us talk more of your recent experiences. Would you like to be a pony again some time, perhaps?”

Karyn was very cautious with her answer. “Well, more than learning about being a pony, I think I learned something about being a friend. I don’t mean behaving as a good friend; I mean literally transforming into someone who you know as a friend. You always know that they have their own life apart from you, but you don’t really feel it until you have to do it yourself.”

Princess Celestia put her hoof to her mouth. “Interesting. I’ll have to consider that.”

Karyn got an idea and smirked. “Perhaps, now that you know the spell works, you might try swapping with your sister for a little while.”

“I’m not sure that I would learn anything by raising the moon. I did do so for a thousand years, you know. But she might enjoy raising the sun for once. I shall consider it. Meantime, let us try to extricate Derpy from her daughter.”

The hugging and kissing finally petered out and Derpy’s attention was drawn to Princess Celestia. “Thank you for bringing Dinky home, your highness. A personal escort from the princess, huh? You must be highly thought-of!”

Dinky looked at her hooves and waved her foreleg anxiously.

“It’s that of which I want to speak to you,” said Princess Celestia. “Dinky’s performance in magic school has been lackluster to say the least.”

“What?! But how? She can’t perform the spells you’re assigning her?”

“In fact, she often performs well on tests. But she has failed to submit several assignments and shows a predilection against working.”

Karyn and Dinky both felt awkward. “Come on, Dinky, let’s go get something to eat,” Karyn said. They retreated to the kitchen.

“I just don’t understand it,” said Derpy. “She was always so attentive in class before. Any time Cheerilee or I asked her to do something, she did it.”

“That may be part of the reason. She was always under somepony’s care. Now that she’s on her own for the first time, a free and independent mare, she may be letting the freedom go to her head.”

“Well, what are we going to do? Are you going to have to kick her out? Will she not be a Gifted Unicorn anymore?”

“I have taught many unicorns over the years,” said Celestia, “and have learned a degree of patience. We won’t be quite so drastic at first. But you do need to know because you can get through to her on a level that I can’t.”

“There’s something I can do that you can’t? Wow.”

“Are you looking to retake the crown?”

“Nononono!” said Derpy, backpedaling in the air and holding out her hooves. “But I’ll definitely have a talk with her.”

“Please do. Forgive me if I cut our visit short. There is never enough time for me to spend with the ponies I care about the most, so I need to count on all of you to help each other.”

Derpy bowed to Celestia, who headed out the door.

Dinky had sat down at the kitchen table while Karyn went through the cabinets grabbing treats. She had spent enough time at Derpy’s that finding things was becoming second nature.

“Don’t feel bad about that,” Karyn said. “If I had a bit for every time a teacher bawled me out to my mom. . .”

“Then you wouldn’t have to mooch off mine and waste her time?”

Karyn turned around to see Dinky staring daggers at her. “I beg your pardon?”

“I don’t know what your angle is, but Mommy doesn’t need you. She’s got me.”

Karyn was surprised and gave her response slowly. “No, I suppose you’re right. She doesn’t exactly need me, but I’m her friend. You can’t have too many friends.”

“Debatable. And there are plenty of ponies that would serve if she’s lonely. Which she’s not. Like I said, she’s got me.”

Karyn had an argument fully formed in her head. She could talk about how Derpy as an eccentric pony needed an out-of-the-ordinary friend, and she could talk about how being human didn’t rate second-class status. But before it could escape her lips, she held back. This was different. Dinky was family.

She gave her broadest smile and extended a hand. “Look, we got off on the wrong fo—hoof. I never even introduced myself. I’m Karyn.”

Still cautious, Dinky put her hoof in Karyn’s hand and shook. “Dinky.”

“I’ve tried to be a good friend to your mother, and I’d like to be to you as well.”

Dinky opened her mouth to say something, but Karyn interrupted and pressed her advantage. “And to prove it, I’ll help you out of this jam.”

“How can you do that?”

“Because I understand. I know what it’s like to understand a subject but not want to work at it. I’m a student too, you know. What I’m studying—your mother called it the human equivalent of magic—is interesting to study, boring to work at. I know how much of it is busy-work, and even Princess Celestia can’t get rid of all that. I know the temptation to just goof off when work has to be done, and the injustice you feel when you can pass the test anyway.

“But I also know mothers. I know that yours doesn’t reprimand you all that often, so you’re scared right now of what she can do to you. Not scared of her punishing you, but just scared to have disappointed her. She might even cry, and you know how much that will hurt. I’ll tell you the secret of mothers, though, that will make it all better.”

Dinky’s expression melted during Karyn’s speech until she was listening intently. “What is it?”

“Mothers don’t care about where you are. They care about which direction you’re going. If you make a plan, right now, about how you’re going to deal with the princess and your schoolwork, and let her know, you’ll tap-dance your way right past the reprimand. There’s still the matter of sticking to the plan, but at least you’ll have bought yourself some time.”

“What plan do I use?”

Karyn craned her neck toward the front room. “Well, there’s where you’re going to have to think on your hooves a little, because here comes your mother. Don’t worry, though. I’ll stay in the room. It’s never too bad when there’s a third party in the room. Mothers don’t want the embarrassment. I’ve been saved from a few yellings-at by the timely ring of a doorbell.”

Derpy walked into the room. Her face had not been built for scowling. It made Karyn want to laugh, though she avoided it. She could only imagine the pressure that Dinky was under. If her face broke and she chuckled, Derpy would be even more mad.

“I suppose you know what the Princess spoke to me about.”

Dinky took a deep breath. “I do, Mommy. I’m sorry. I was just talking to Karyn—we’re becoming good friends—about what I need to do to fix it.”

“And? What did you come up with?”

“Well, I think it’s an issue with time management. I’ll have to start keeping a written schedule. It’s too easy at school to leave a class and just play the rest of the day away.”

Derpy was still upset. “But you never needed that kind of schedule when you were going to school here.”

“I had you to help me out. You always told me what we were doing.”

“Yes, and I never needed a written schedule.”

That stymied Dinky, and she said nothing for a moment. She could sense her mother getting angry. Karyn decided that it was time to step in. “Everypony’s different, Derpy. I keep my written schedule. You’ve seen it. I’d be lost without it. Or take Mike. He never writes anything, but he has everything on his personal organizer.” She wasn’t sure that bringing up Mike was the best thing, but anything to deflect Derpy’s rage from its current target would help.

“And you also have always had things to do to organize,” said Dinky. “You had to take care of the house from the time you were little, but you never made me do any of that. I always had the chance to play when I wanted. I’m not used to having to do my work first.”

“Well, I suppose,” said Derpy.

At the first sign that her mother was being mollified, Dinky decided that now was the time to begin making excuses for sympathy’s sake. “I’ve also been worried about you. You know that I’ve always considered that I took care of you as much as you did me.”

“Aww.”

“I was afraid that you’d be lonely. I didn’t know that Karyn would be there.”

“I have grandpa as well,” said Derpy.

Dinky averted her eyes. “Yes, but he’s so far off. Anyway, now that I’ve met Karyn and I’ve seen how she’s making sure you’re not lonely, I’ll be less concerned and more focused on studying.”

Derpy looked skeptical, but she smiled and hugged her filly once more. “All right, I’m not mad at you anymore.”

“Whew!”

“But I want to make sure that we get ahead of your problems. Time management might not be enough. I want to find you some extra help with your studying.”

Dinky’s mouth dropped. “Come on, let me relax a little. I haven’t even had a chance to unpack.”

“Well, all right, you can do that. Your room is exactly the way you left it.”

Dinky started to leave the room, then came back. “Mommy, this is a new house. I don’t even have a room here."

“Of course you do,” said Derpy. “Karyn, could you show her where it is?”

“Huh? I don’t know which one it is.”

“Sure you do. It’s the room you stayed in when you were ill.”

“Oh, that one. All right, follow me,” Karyn said to Dinky as she led her up the stairs. Behind her, Derpy was staring at Karyn as if looking at her would trigger some idea she was having difficulty grasping.

Once Dinky had gone up to the room and removed her saddlebags, she turned to Karyn. “Thanks for the advice. You really helped me out there a lot.”

“What are friends for? At least it’s over now.”

“And you’re right. I was very scared of making Mommy upset. It hasn’t happened often, and there was only one time that was really bad, but—“

At that moment, she was cut off when Derpy entered the room, flying at top speed. She had bypassed the stairs and used her wings. “That’s it!” she said. “It’s just like when Karyn was having trouble with her schoolwork. We’ll go to Twilight!”

Dinky and Karyn looked at each other, then Dinky said, “Do I really have to? Can’t I have a second chance to go it on my own? Besides, what makes you think a big-time unicorn like Twilight Sparkle will help out somepony like me?”

“One, because she’s a very nice pony. Two,” Derpy had held up her hoof, but then realized that counting off wasn’t going to work without fingers. “I’ve helped her out on occasion as well. Three, she’s a librarian and it’s her job to impart knowledge.”

They were out the door and walking over to the library before Dinky could realize that by answering her second question, her mother had gotten out of answering her first.

Twilight opened the door, and Karyn poked her head in looking to see where Spike was lurking, but he was nowhere to be found. “Hi there, you three. What brings you round?”

Derpy explained Dinky’s troubles, and Dinky wished she wouldn’t put so much emphasis on her own failings.

“And so,” Derpy concluded, “since you were so helpful to Karyn when she had tests to take, I was hoping I could ask you for another favor by helping Dinky.”

“Of course!” Twilight said. “This will be far easier than helping Karyn. What Karyn studies, I can’t make heads or tails out of, although I certainly enjoyed seeing the books from Earth. But this is my specialty. I’m an alumna of Princess Celestia’s school after all.”

“See, Dinky, you’re in good hooves! Come on, Karyn, let’s let the two unicorns put their horns together.”

Dinky looked at her mother with a puss-face, but Derpy’s smile was too big to pierce. She turned to Karyn, who had some sympathy. “We’ll be back soon for you,” she said. “Just work hard and listen to Twilight and the time will go by like that.”

She went outside with Derpy and started leading her away. “Where are you going?”

“Remember all the creature comforts you got me while I was studying with Twilight? Does Dinky deserve any less?”

Karyn’s ulterior motive was to give Derpy a goal so that, as soon as it was over, they could return and pick up Dinky once more. Studying with Twilight might be helpful, but Dinky clearly wanted to ease into the process, and Karyn thought that would be the best way to do it.

They walked over to the open-air market and bought a few tidbits, after which Derpy told Karyn to head back to the library while she picked up some more things from home. Even though it was farther for Derpy, she was the fastest, and it was expected that they would arrive at about the same time.

When Karyn returned and saw Derpy coming the other way, she heard Twilight’s didactic tone. She put a finger to her mouth and said, “Shh. . . let’s listen for a moment and see how it’s going.”

They put their ears to the door. Twilight said, “Now, I’m sure Princess Celestia has spoken about true-names plenty so far. What are the three thaumaturgic paradigms for true-name vectors?”

Karyn looked at Derpy, wondering if the pony had any concept of what she was talking about, but Derpy shook her head. It was unclear to Karyn whether this was because she was a pegasus, or simply because she was Derpy.

Dinky was working through the answer. “There’s subjective, objective, and, um. . . the other one!”

“Yes, the other one,” said Twilight. “The conjunctive.”

At that point, Derpy was making enough noise that Karyn decided to open the door and reveal that they were there, rather than be caught eavesdropping. They walked in with their bags.

“Hey, you two. How’s the studying coming?” asked Derpy.

“Oh, quite well,” said Twilight. “Four, maybe six hours of this a day and she’ll be caught up to the class in no time.”

Dinky’s blue face took on a distinct tinge of green.

“Why not let her relax for a bit and enjoy a few snacks?” said Karyn.

Twilight returned to her duties as librarian and Derpy busied herself doling out the goodies that she and Karyn had bought. Karyn herself took Dinky aside.

“So what was Twilight saying about paradigms and vectors and all that?”

“You heard that, huh? It’s a really complicated way of saying something very simple. All it means is that there are some spells a unicorn casts on herself, like Twilight’s teleportation spell, some that are cast on stuff that’s lying around, and some that involve both.

“That’s what bugs me about the whole ‘Gifted Unicorn School’ to begin with. They take the things that any unicorn can do on her own and make it into a big production with lots of buzzwords. What exactly comes out of that? Maybe it makes you five percent better as a unicorn. But everypony else gets by just fine on ninety-five.”

Derpy picked her head up and joined in the conversation. “Dinky, you’re not everypony else. You can do anything you want to. You can have so much better a life than I did. Don’t you want that?”

Dinky sighed. “Yes, mommy.”

Karyn said, “Dinky, let’s go take a walk. Derpy, why don’t you come meet us back at the house? No, you don’t have to come with. Talk to Twilight for a little.”

Derpy was still looking like she was afraid to lose sight of Dinky, so Karyn stopped trying to be subtle. “I want to talk to Dinky alone.”

Once they were outside, Dinky let her expression drop. Derpy was hovering behind, but out of earshot. Karyn put a hand on Dinky’s shoulder.

“I understand this too,” she said. “Your mom’s telling you that you have all this potential, but you don’t feel the ambition for it. You can be anything you want, and how do you tell her that what you really want to be is. . . her?”

Dinky stared at Karyn, wondering how someone from another world could be so perceptive. “Not exactly like her, but I don’t want to be like Twilight, a famous unicorn who’s the best mage in town, maybe in Equestria. I just want a home and some time to play.”

“I know. We’re very much alike, you and I,” Karyn said, laughing internally at using a movie cliché. “But it’s not so easy. Everypony has to do a certain degree of work in this life. It’s just a question of when you’re going to do it. I used to always put it off, because I figured that if I only had time for fun or work, fun had better get done. But there is time for both, and if you procrastinate on the work, then the fun is less fun, since you have the specter of the work over your head.

“I mean it both short-term and long-term. Getting a day’s work done is good, but also, if you get this education now, the job you have later will be easier. I’ve watched your mom. She loves carrying the mail, but she wishes that she could have the time off she needs and shorter hours. Plus she had to pinch every penny. Just push through, another few years, and when you’re her age you can be as lazy as you want to be.”

“Really? And everypony will let me?”

“Nopony will be able to stop you,” said Karyn. “Not even your mom. She may want you to be a great unicorn, but I’m sure that she’s more concerned that you’re happy.”

As the conversation came to a lull, Derpy caught up with them and landed. “Did you two get everything sorted out?”

“I think so,” said Dinky. “Karyn really is a good friend.”

“I know.”

“Hey, Derpy,” said Karyn, holding up a finger. “What if I were to help Dinky out with studying?”

Derpy stared at Karyn’s forehead. “I don’t see any horn there. You don’t know anything about magic.”

“Well, I’ve had a little experience with spells.”

Derpy was confused, but then saw Karyn pointing to her saddlebag.

“And besides,” Karyn continued. “If Dinky’s passing all her tests, it’s not the technical help she needs. Anypony could be her study buddy.”

“Nuh-uh!” said Dinky. “I won’t be as motivated to study with anypony else.”

“Well, all right. We’ll give it a try,” said Derpy.

“Yay!” said Dinky and Karyn together.

When they returned to Derpy’s house, Karyn and Dinky went into the bedroom and spread the books over the bed. Dinky pulled out a homework sheet and started filling out the answers. After every few minutes, the glow of her horn would start to fade, the pages of the books would turn slower, and the quill pen would start to droop. Karyn prodded Dinky, sometimes with a poke in the ribs, sometimes just by telling her to focus. After an hour of this, the homework was finally done.

“See now, was that so painful?” asked Karyn.

“Yes!”

“Yeah, I guess it kinda was. But it’s over now.”

“And we can have fun together,” said Dinky.

“All three of us,” said Derpy, bursting through the door.

“Does everyone listen at doors today?” said Karyn.

Ignoring her, Derpy said, “Come on, you two. Those treats are getting cold!”

They went back down to the kitchen. Derpy had set the table and, in contradiction to what she had said, had baked goods warming in the oven. Dinky was quite interested in seeing the new one.

“I can’t believe you got rid of the old oven. That was a classic!”

“I’ll tell you about what happened sometime,” said Derpy. “Or Karyn can, she was part of it.”

“Seems like I’ve been missing most of the fun.”

“Well, there’s no reason we can’t have more. You’re always welcome when Karyn’s here. Or when she’s not, of course.”

Derpy excused herself to the restroom. Dinky looked around the kitchen.

“Karyn, I’m sorry that I didn’t trust you initially. I’m just thinking that my first memory of this room is always going to be being angry with you, when I know we’re going to be good friends.”

“Don’t feel bad. On Earth there’s a saying: you never get a second chance to make a first impression. Actually, it was a slogan for some shampoo, I think. The point is that it’s not true. Everypony I’ve met here, some are nice, some are mean, but there’s always more chances to change how they think of me.”

“Thanks.”

Derpy came back in and sat down. Karyn shuffled. “Well, I guess I’d better get going. I’m sure you two want some mother-daughter time.”

“I’d like Karyn to stay as long as she can,” said Dinky.

“Don’t worry. You’ll see her next week. I may have mentioned this, but we’re going to see Grandpa then.”

“I, um, oh, OK. Then I’ll definitely be here. I’ll try to come early.”

“I’m really looking forward to meeting him,” said Karyn. “Your mom’s told me so much about him.”

“Yes, I’m sure she has,” said Dinky.

Derpy led Karyn out to the balcony and took off. Karyn was eager for the next weekend to come.

Author's Notes:

Next week, the final chapter. . . for a little while at least!


“So tell me, what’s he like?” asked Karyn.

“Huh? Who?”

“Your father, silly filly. The guy we’re visiting.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They had left behind Ponyville and Appleloosa. The trees had thinned and the grasses were taller and less green as the train proceeded. Stops were fewer and farther between, and soon even the grass was left behind as they entered a desert.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Derpy trotted along the road.

“Don’t you want to wait for Dinky?” asked Karyn.

“She’ll be along soon enough. Come on, Daddy’s waiting.”


You won't want to miss this one!

Next Chapter: 30: The Sun Also Derps Estimated time remaining: 34 Hours, 51 Minutes
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