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Lyra's Human 2: Derpy's Human

by pjabrony

Chapter 135: 126: Working Derpertime

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Karyn gave Derpy another slice of toast and finished her own breakfast. “Well, Derpy,” she said, “of the past two meals that we’ve had together, this one is...let’s just say it’s in the top two.”

“That would always be true, of any meal.”

“You’re right. I mean that it comes up a distinct second.”

“Ah. Then I will have to agree,” Derpy said, but then dropped her toast. “Not that I’m not happy with your breakfast cooking!”

“Don’t worry. You have the right to brag this week. You put out a spread that rivaled the best Thanksgivings I’ve had.”

It had been a grand holiday. Only half a dozen ponies, plus Karyn, had come to Derpy’s feast, but she had made enough food to feed them ten times over. Karyn had sampled almost everything, and felt distinctly pudgy afterwards. It made her feel better about the fact that on Earth’s actual Thursday she had stayed in her apartment and relaxed all day.

“What I like is that we’ve gotten to see each other three times in eight days. That’s the kind of schedule I’d keep up with friends who didn’t live in an alternate dimension.”

Derpy thought about saying that they should have midweek visits more often, but it would be difficult for her to get time off from work on a regular basis. And while Karyn’s time wouldn’t be lost, she didn’t like spending time in Equestria on frivolities. Besides, she needed to keep her mind on school.

That reminded Derpy of something else. “How did the rest of the midterms go? We didn’t talk about that at all when you came over.”

“No, and thank you for that. All I wanted to do was forget about it. They were hard. The problem is that I knew most of the stuff they were asking, but there was just so much of it. It was more work than thinking, and I went into IT in the first place because I would rather think than work hard.”

“Everyone has to do some work. You’re just getting it over faster. But did you actually get good marks?”

Karyn sighed as she washed the dishes. “I won’t find out until next week. Not entirely true. I got one back posted on line, one of the ones I took two weeks ago. I got an A.”

“That’s great! I’m proud of you.”

“It’s what I expected. And that was the easiest of the tests. Probably why my professor got it graded first.”

Derpy would have continued, but she remembered Dinky being similarly aloof whenever she tried to praise her for success in school. It was something Derpy didn’t understand, but she had to accept. Scholars never counted their achievements as high as others did.

“Anyway,” she said, “what do you think about coming over today?”

“Anything going on?”

“Nothing special, but I’ve got so many leftovers from last week that I still have to eat.”

Karyn thought back. The dishes were still on the table by the time Derpy took her home, and it was uncharacteristic of her to say that she would clean them up later. As far as Karyn knew Equestria, or at least Derpy, didn’t have refrigeration technology, and she had assumed that all the food would be discarded. Thinking about it now, she didn’t know if Equestria had food-borne illnesses, so it was possible that Derpy just left the food on the plates in cupboards.

“That sounds great, if the food’s all safe to eat.”

“Sure, nothing too dangerous. Let’s go.”

Derpy flew Karyn down to her house by their usual path. She headed right in to start preparations for lunch, even though they had just finished breakfast. For her part, Karyn observed how familiar she’d become with the place, and she also saw Derpy’s computer humming away in the sunlight that kept it operational.

“Hey, can I use the PC?”

“What? Oh, the computer. Of course you can. I’ve used your laptop plenty of times and you’ve never said no.”

Karyn moved it out of screen saver and explored the file structure. While she thought of amusing herself with the games or any files Derpy had, she also wanted to make sure that Derpy was keeping it in good working order. To her approval, and slight annoyance, everything seemed clean and uncluttered. Derpy deleted files when she didn’t need them and had a naming structure that, while not exactly how Karyn would have done it, made sense. She wished that she could keep her own computer so well. Her annoyance was doubled when she opened one of the accompanying games and found that Derpy had a higher score than her.

She left to join Derpy in the kitchen and ask if there was any way she could help. Before she could, a knock came at Derpy’s front door, so she said, “I’ve got it,” and turned around. Deciding that it would be less of a shock, she transformed into her pony form before opening up.

On the other side was a heavyset stallion with a shaggy mane. He was holding a clipboard and seemed to be in a hurry. “Hey, Derpy, we’ve got...wait, you’re not Derpy.”

She came out of the kitchen and recognized the pony. “Hey, Haul. Haul, this is my friend Karyn. Karyn, this is Haul, one of the mailponies I work with.”

“Nice to meet you. Derpy, we’ve got a big moving job, wanted to see if you wanted to pick up the overtime.”

“You can see I’ve got a guest. I’d like to, but you know...”

“Of course. In that case, I’ve got to run to find somepony else. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Karyn held up a hoof. “Wait. Maybe we can do this. I could come with and fly along just for the ride. Maybe I could even help. It could be fun.”

Derpy looked at her with skepticism. “You think that carrying stuff is fun?”

“I guess not when you’ve done it as often as you. But for me it’s a novelty.”

“Then it’ll work out for everyone. You’ll have fun and I’ll get paid.”

They followed the pony that Derpy identified as Haul to a house a few streets down. The trucks had already landed and the ponies were doing the unloading. Two were already there. With Haul, Derpy, and Karyn it would make five, and Derpy hoped that meant quick work.

One of the others who seemed to be in charge told Karyn and Derpy to take care of one truck that had boxes in it while the others worked on the furniture. They were to check that nothing was damaged and then organize everything by which room it best fit.

Whoever had done the packing seemed to have been fairly organized, as the first box they checked was filled with all kitchen supplies. Derpy put it at the far end and made a note of which order to bring them into the house in.

The second box was for the bathroom, and Derpy was going to give it a simple tick again, but then she noticed a large nail trimmer. “Whoa! Maybe whoever’s going to live here is a hooficurist. I’ve never seen one like this. Aloe and Lotus might have some competition.”

The next box was for the living room. “I think it’s a pegasus who’s moving in,” said Karyn. “There’s a book on flight here.”

“That could be fun. I could make a new friend to go flying with.”

From inside the house they heard a raspy voice. “Hey! You bozos quite looking at my stuff and get it in here! Move it!”

Derpy snapped to attention and slammed the box lid shut before picking it up. Karyn had already noticed the speaker. She was looking at them with her head turned to the right, a scary and unnatural pose, and the beak looked sharp and dangerous. The house belonged to a griffon.

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t know...” Derpy stammered, but the griffon rolled her eyes and went back in.

“Come on,” said Karyn. “You can’t stare. Let’s just get the boxes in and unpacked and then we can talk about it.”

Derpy had had her moment, but then she recovered. “I just didn’t expect it, you know. I’ve never even seen one before.”

“Me neither, but she’s going to get that a lot, so we should be as nice as possible.”

They took the box they were working on and hustled it into the front room. The couch and bookshelf were already in there, so Derpy started putting the books that they had just been caught looking at on the bottom shelf. From there she worked her way up.

“Oh, my...not like that!” The griffon came back and swept all the books off the shelf with a claw. “In alphabetical order! If one of the books is too tall for the upper shelves, put it on its side. I’ll do it.”

“I...I’m sorry.”

She didn’t bother to respond but faced the other movers. “Be careful with that! It’s delicate!” Leaving Derpy and Karyn alone for the moment, she went to berate the others.

“What did I do wrong?” asked Derpy.

“Here, let me take care of it. I think I understood what she wants. It’s not set up like your bookshelf where you have it looking nice. She wants to be able to find things easily. It’s like when I had all my music on CD and I had a place for each one.”

Derpy took in one of the other boxes and tried to set it up as fast as possible, figuring that the griffon would be upset no matter how she did it, but she could work quickly and be out of there before she got yelled at again.

Now the strain was on Karyn. Unfamiliar with the work and always preferring to pace herself with moves, she had to keep on her toes and transport boxes in swiftly, then take the empties outside, hoping the others knew what to do with them. But soon enough they were able to get out and head back toward home.

“So that was...something we did,” said Karyn. “I’m glad you like doing that. I think this is what it feels like for you when I bring up something about computers that you don’t get.”

“This wasn’t the most fun day for me either. I don’t mind when they switch me from mail to moves, and I will get some extra money for it, but I don’t appreciate being yelled at.”

“I don’t think anyone does.”

They made it to Derpy’s house, and Karyn collapsed on the couch while Derpy resumed the cooking.

“I do wonder though if that was just because she’s a griffon?”

“Pardon?” said Karyn, picking up her head.

“You know that griffons are more aggressive than ponies.”

“Have you met one?”

“Before today? No.”

Karyn had to be delicate. What Derpy had just said was deeply offensive to her, and it didn’t seem like the kind of thing Derpy would say. That kind of sentiment could break a friendship. Karyn didn’t want that, and she was worried that she didn’t fully understand yet. Maybe everypony thought that, but Equestria didn’t seem like a place that had many prejudices, despite how Zecora was first treated.

“Well, are you sure about that? If you’ve never met one, how do you know that they’re not just living up to what you think they should be? She’s a griffon, and everyone tells her that griffons are expected to yell, so she does.”

“That might be the case for her, but griffons have to be more aggressive. They live in much harsher country than we do. There are predators there that would attack them or take away their food. And between them that’s how they interact. That’s what I was taught at least. It’s a cultural difference, not a species one.”

Karyn still wasn’t sure that she liked the way Derpy was thinking, and she resolved to keep an open mind on the subject herself.

Derpy, though, seemed to sense that her friend wasn’t fully convinced. “I know that a lot of times humans have rough conflicts because of treating people that way. You guys can be aggressive too. And ponies are laid back. That’s problematic too. We have Princess Celestia and all the other authorities to take care of us, plus between unicorn magic and pegasus weather control and Earth pony strength, no one wants to mess with us. So we don’t fight. When times go bad for us, they go really bad. If the weather gets so bad that the pegasi can’t handle it, we don’t know what to do. We can’t be strong. But it never happens.”

“So you could be friends with a griffon? You wouldn’t automatically write them off?”

“Of course I wouldn’t. Let’s say that a griffin chick and a pony foal somehow got switched at birth and no one noticed. The griffin would probably grow up to act like a pony and be docile. The pony would probably be more aggressive.”

That still didn’t seem right to Karyn, and yet if she looked at it a certain way, it was the opposite of prejudice.

Then it hit her. “But this griffon wasn’t raised among ponies. Not that we know of anyway. So why did she move to Ponyville? To my knowledge there aren’t any griffons living anywhere in the Equestrian towns and cities I’ve been to. Are there?”

“There must be some, but haven’t seen any either. I’m not that accomplished a traveler, though.”

“So if she was living happily in the Griffon lands, why did she pack everything up?”

Derpy looked over her shoulder. “Maybe she’s an exile.”

“That would be awful. All the more reason that you should go and make friends with her.”

“You’re right. I think I’m going to do it.”

Despite this pronunciation, Derpy kept on checking the oven and going about her cooking duties. Karyn was skeptical. “When?”

“I’m sure I’ll see her around, now that she’s a resident.”

“Mmhm. How about we bring her some of the leftovers instead of eating them all ourselves?”

That cut Derpy to the quick. She never liked to give up food. But Karyn looked insistent, so after reserving a generous portion for herself and Karyn, she put all the rest in a picnic basket.

“Can we wait until after we eat to bring hers?”

“We reheated it once. We can reheat it again. So could the griffon, but then again, which is more important? A good meal or a good friend?”

“A good friend,” said Derpy, but it seemed like she had to think about it.

They got back on the road, and halfway there it occurred to Karyn that the griffon only saw her in her disguise before. That might make it more difficult to break the ice, but she would just have to prod Derpy.

Reaching the new cottage, Derpy took a deep breath and knocked on the door and had the awkward moment she always experienced after a knock on the door. She never knew how long to wait before knocking again. If it was somepony she knew, she then didn’t know whether to try the door. And then if it opened, whether to call in and say hi or go all the way in.

In this case, after a few seconds the door flew open and there stood the new homeowner. “Yeah, what’d’ya want? Hey, you’re the mover who messed up all my books? What, you want a tip?”

Derpy stammered. “I...no...there were leftovers and...um, my name’s Derpy...I wanted to be friends.”

Karyn expected that the griffon would come back harder, and was prepared to back up Derpy in an altercation. She hoped that the griffon would see reason. What she didn’t expect what what happened. The griffon broke down crying.

“Are you all right?” she asked.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been so mean to you. It’s just that I’ve been under so much stress from moving and you were trying to make friends and I was blowing it and...oh, I’m sorry!”

“Hey, don’t worry about that. First impressions are overrated. Come on Derpy, let’s get her inside.”

The move had been completed and the house was in perfect shape. Derpy could have found nothing to criticize. They walked the griffon over to the couch. “Thank you. Um, I never even got your name. You’re Derpy, but you...”

“My name’s Karyn.”

“I’m Gertie.”

“That’s nice. It’s almost like Derpy if it were a griffon name.” Both pony and griffon looked at each other as if unhappy about this comparison.

“I had this whole thing planned out, about how I would come to Ponyville and live a more laid-back life, and my first day I can’t get past my past.”

“Is it so bad?” asked Derpy.

“Have you ever been to the griffon kingdom?” asked Gertie. Derpy shook her head. “It’s no place for anyone who doesn’t hunger for competition. Among griffons, everything from the first shake of the claw to every conversation is about trying to one-up the other griffon. And that’s fine if you’re into it. Some great things come out of it.”

“Do they really? I would think that if everyone’s competing, things wouldn’t get done. No one would grow food or do work.”

“To the contrary, we have plenty of food and great works because of the competition. If a griffon is a hunter, he wants to prove that he can bring in more that anyone else. Beautiful eyries as well that the biggest competitive builders have made. Apart from the people, it really is a nice country.”

Derpy was happy that Gertie had calmed down, and pressed her for more. “So why did you leave?”

“Because, if everything’s a competition, someone has to lose, right? I wasn’t good at hunting or cooking or building or much of anything, except being nice. That didn’t get me very far. Then one day we were having a diplomatic visit from your princess, what’s her name? Celeste?”

“Celestia?”

“That’s it. And I guess she asked to see which griffons weren’t happy so the king took her to where I was working and she said that if I ever wanted to move, I would be welcome here. I thought about it for a long time, because being decisive is another thing I’m not good at, but eventually I decided to take the plunge.”

Gertie scratched her head when it was all done. Karyn still wouldn’t have called her cute, but it was certainly a cute gesture.

“So what are you going to do here in Ponyville?” asked Derpy. “I mean for a job.”

“I don’t know. Both kingdoms gave me a stipend. Apparently I’m some sort of an advent that everyone’s happy about. After that runs out, I figure I’ll work for one of the ponies here. I’d like to get something where I could be nice.”

“Have you ever delivered mail?”

Gertie cocked her head and Karyn showed shock. “That’s very nice of you,” she said to Derpy. Gertie seemed not to get it, so she had to explain that Derpy was a letter carrier and would put in a good word if Gertie wanted to join up.

“And I can be friendly there?”

“Of course!” said Derpy. “Everypony likes friendly ponies. Oh, that reminds me. Since you’re new in town Pinkie Pie is probably going to want to throw you a welcome party.”

“Oh. I’d like to put that off until I can get some rest.”

“I understand, but it’s kind of inevitable.”

Gertie was skeptical. “What if no one told her?”

“No good. She’ll know anyway.”

“Great,” Gertie rolled her eyes.

Derpy got up. “Why don’t you get your rest now? We’ll try to head off Pinkie. Sometimes she can be reasoned with. Sometimes.”

“I’d appreciate that. Please come over again, Derpy?”

“I promise.”

Karyn and Derpy left, and though the sun was still up, if Gertie drew the curtains it would give her some darkness. As they walked away, they heard a repeated boing sound, and sure enough Pinkie was bouncing toward the house.

“Hey, Derpy! Karyn! I got a shake of my flank and a twist in my mane that says that somepony new is in town! Did you just come from their house?”

“Actually,” Derpy started, but Karyn interrupted her.

“There’s nopony in the house now. Nopony at all. I would come back tomorrow if I were you.”

“Really? Darn! My Pinkie sense is never wrong! But I guess there’s a first time for everything.” Changing direction in mid-bounce, she went back towards Sugar Cube Corner.

When she was out of earshot, Derpy said, “You lied.”

“No I didn’t. I said there was nopony in the house. There is no pony. There’s a griffon, but Pinkie didn’t ask about them.”

“I guess even the nicest of ponies can have a little prejudice in them.”

“Touche,” said Karyn, and she looked back at Gertie’s house. “There are a lot of things I like about Equestria. I thought one of them was how open-minded everyone is. But maybe that’s not it. You have different species here, different ones that can talk and think and have societies I mean. So what I like is that even though you’re not perfectly tolerant, you don’t think about how intolerant you are or aren’t.”

“I don’t know that I get all that. But I think that this would have gone a lot worse if you weren’t here. You helped me get in with her. So really, you’re like two friends in one.”

Author's Notes:

To keep you in the loop of the schedule, there's going to be one more fan-suggested chapter between now and chapter 130. If you've been following, you know that chapters that end in 0 usually are the more plot-centered, like the end of the seasons in MLP. After 130, I'll be running another "clip show" chapter, hopefully the last. Then there'll be twenty more regular chapters and six more fan-suggested ones. Meanwhile, here's what's for next week:

“No you’re not. I can tell. Don’t worry, I won’t bug you about anything.”

“You’re not going to tell me that I’ve been too messy or should have cleaned yesterday?”

Derpy got off the bed and held Karyn’s head in her hooves. “I prefer it that way."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I’ll be saved a lot of stress and money.”

Taking a second look at Karyn’s calculations, Derpy stuck out her tongue. “OK, we’re going to do it.”

“We? Do what?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Can we get something to eat first?”

“Sure. Want to go to the salad bar?”

Derpy scanned the line of eateries. “I was thinking more of that pretzel stand.”


Thanks for sticking with me, and please come back next time!

Next Chapter: 127: School of Hard Derps Estimated time remaining: 8 Hours, 25 Minutes
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