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Lyra's Human 2: Derpy's Human

by pjabrony

Chapter 118: 114: New Derpgrades are Available

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When Derpy arrived that morning, she could tell instantly that Karyn wasn’t present. This did not bother her greatly, as she was prepared to handle the Sunday morning routine solo. The bedroom door was open and the bed was made, to Derpy’s approving eye. On the side wall, the door to the bathroom was also ajar, and no sounds of washing came forth. Meanwhile, in the kitchen, the breakfast dishes were drying in the drain rack. Since Karyn never ate without Derpy unless she had to, clearly she had to.

This was confirmed by the one item that was out of place in the apartment, a sheet of notepad left on the table. As Derpy picked it up, it came off only with effort, and she pawed at the glue that had held it to the table. When she checked and found no residue on the table, she nodded approval.

“We could use something like that back home,” she said out loud, “but instead of the composition of the note, perhaps I should read the text.”

Dear Derpy, the letter read. Do you remember a couple of weeks ago I told you how I was working? Well, as the low person on the totem pole, I have to do some work outside of normal hours, which includes now. I am at the office. Feel free to eat anything you like (not too much!) and then join me. You can leave the dishes for later. I’m at...followed by an address. Love, Karyn

She flashed back to the prior week and how Karyn had almost used the cross-universe spell on her own. If she had, she could have visited at any time and let Derpy know of the change in plans. Or, since entering Equestria meant being in the air, attached a letter to the spell and sent it through. But those were might-have-beens, and at least Derpy knew what to do now.

There was only one problem. An address would be a direct link to a place in the mind of any human, or at least any native of the country in which the address was given, but as a pegasus pony Derpy didn’t think that way. If she used a pegasus map, the destination would be spoken of in terms of vectors and coordinates. She needed more information.

Hopping over to Karyn’s desk, she opened the laptop and logged in. Technically, Karyn hadn’t given her permission, but she also hadn’t refused, and Derpy needed this. She went to a popular map site and put in the address just as written. Fortunately, it was able to find it in the nearest city even without that detail. But it was still just a two-dimensional map, and Derpy wasn’t used to it. What she would have preferred would be the pictures taken by a roaming car, but she didn’t know about those.

She worked hard to translate the map into something she understood. Once she left the apartment, she had to get it right, or her only recourse would be to go backward to the starting point. Glowering at the screen, she heard the sound of a hose sprinkling against the window, and she looked up.

Gayle was watering the flowers outside, and she waved. The image of Derpy sitting on her flanks and typing put a laughing smile on her face. Derpy opened the window.

“Morning, Derpy. Having fun on the internet?”

“Not really. Hey, do you know about human addresses?”

Gayle’s face showed confusion, and Derpy had to explain what she needed. Working together, and using Gayle’s phone, she explained how far off Karyn’s job was and in what direction Derpy needed to go. She said thank you and took off for the sky, after making herself invisible.

It was a new direction for Derpy, but she was at least making progress. She sort-of saw how the map translated the real-world territory into a picture, but it was still an unmagical and un-Equestrian process. Her best bet was to trust Gayle and keep going in the direction given.

Her mental clock told her she was getting close. That jibed with her recollection that Karyn had mentioned an easy commute. She looked around for anything that could be a school. It took her a few circles, since she still had in mind the single buildings that made up Equestrian schools. Eventually she saw what was a miniature version of Karyn’s college campus, and she methodically looked through windows for any sign of Karyn.

This was a problem. From the one time she had worked with Karyn at the bank, the IT office was on the inside and with no windows. If things were similar here, then there was no way for her to find Karyn. She sat down and thought.

If all of these buildings have to be networked, then I would put the main office in the center. She landed at the front door of the building closest to the middle, but here she encountered another challenge. The door had, not a traditional doorbell, but an intercom and camera. Well, there was nothing for it. She pressed the button for the intercom and hoped.

“Really, Derpy? You rang the intercom?” It was Karyn’s voice, but Derpy didn’t respond. “Well, I guess you couldn’t find me otherwise. But you’re not at the right building. Turn around and it’s the white one.”

A door behind her opened, and Derpy dashed for it. She was on the lookout for anyone who could see her, but Karyn emerged from a door above and said, “Come on up! It’s a good time, no one else is here. I’ve got all the security cameras and intercoms up in the office, and I was looking out for you. Let me show you the place.”

It was not as fancy as the IT center in the bank that Derpy had been to. Instead of low light and lots of LEDs that made it look cool, this was bright and resembled more of the outer offices at the bank that the regular workers used.

Karyn had an impressive desk with two monitors. Behind her were the racks of servers that Derpy expected, but they were smaller and not walled off. Along the walls were attached rows of switches, some of which led into punch down patch panels from which a rainbow of thin wires ran everywhere. It was cluttered and offended Derpy’s sense of organization, but it wasn’t her office and she had no place to complain. Besides, she saw the telltale upside-down hemisphere of a security camera, and it wouldn’t do to see things floating around.

She looked at the racks. “This one is for the student’s network,” Karyn said. “It’s cool how it’s cut off from everything else, so the kids can’t change their grades or anything. But you probably don’t want to hear about all that. Here’s where I run things from, when I run things, like now.”

She sat at the desk and moused onto a few windows. Some were just reports, but also, to Derpy’s surprise, was a FreeCell window.

“They let you play games at work?”

“They probably don’t mind when nothing’s going on. And in any case, to the best of my knowledge, there is no detection on any computer of how many times a game is activated or when.”

Derpy accepted this. “Who are ‘they’ by the way? And how are you here alone? For that matter, what are you doing here at all? I thought you were only working Monday through Friday.”

“IT is a twenty-four-seven job. Well, that’s not true, but in the first place, if something breaks, it’s easier to fix it when you find out instead of when people start complaining. But more than that, there are some things you have to do when everyone isn’t working. In this case, it’s an upgrade.”

“To what? Are you installing something cool?”

Karyn alt-tabbed her monitor. “Not hardware that you would be impressed with. This is the database program that they use for the students here. It has all their information and it keeps it secure, because there are laws about privacy. It’s big and complicated, and because of that we have to upgrade twice a year. Of course, I’ll never see another one, but I get to do this.”

“All by yourself?”

“Thank goodness, no. But when you do something like this there are always dead spots. For example, right now we’re doing a backup of the old system. What’s weird is that we still use tapes.”

She pointed at the rack, on one level of which was what looked like a small VCR. A light was blinking on it.

“I know at home you use disks.”

“That’s right. I wouldn’t even know where to buy these things.”

That triggered another thought for Derpy. “Hey, are you getting paid for today?”

“I am. Time and a half, too. And before you ask, yes, I’m saving it all up to last me through the year.”

“I wasn’t going to. But why do they let you do it? Why not one of the more experienced workers?”

Karyn checked the monitor once more. “Well, like I said, a lot of this is automatic, or involves just monitoring. But what they really need is someone who can read an error message and decide what to do. Now, for most of them, what to do is going to be to call for help. But I’ll be able to explain it over the phone in language that they can understand, and I can answer follow up questions or input simple commands. That’s what I can do that others can’t.”

“Now I understand. I certainly couldn’t do any of that.”

“Don’t sell yourself short. I’d put you in the class of a power user. You know how to run some programs and search the web for what you need. That’s more than a lot of people.”

Derpy was skeptical, but she said, “Oh! You mean I’m probably one of the best ponies at the computer. Although Twilight’s better, I’m sure.”

“No, I mean in comparison to humans. See, you saw the computer as a new thing and grasped onto it. Many humans, especially older ones, wanted it to be a new version of the old way to do things. Which it’s not.”

She thought back to the first time she used a computer. She was a true neophyte then, even willing to cheat...

“Hey! I wonder if you can use Derpynet to help you do your work!”

“No. Under no circumstances am I introducing an illegal, sapient computer entity into this network. I’m content enough knowing that she and Karynet are silently protecting the networks that exist while staying hidden.”

The right-hand monitor on Karyn’s desk began throwing out messages, and Derpy worried. “Is that one of those errors you’re supposed to watch out for?”

“That’s actually a good sign. The backup is done. Now I’m supposed to go on to the next step.”

Karyn pulled out a packet of paper. Despite her job, there was still a lot of paper records in the office. She checked off a box and then addressed the computer again. To Derpy’s view it was just like playing on the computer and going to web sites or running Karyn’s music suite program, but of course she knew that this was more serious business. She tried to follow along as Karyn checked off the monitor responses with what the paper said they should be.

“This is cool. I’m really impressed watching you do this. It’s like watching Dinky perform a new spell. I remember when she first started learning—“

Karyn interrupted “Can you give me just two minutes? I want to make sure I get this right, and I need to concentrate. It says this next part takes an hour after it launches, so then I can listen to you.”

Derpy clammed up. She didn’t want to break Karyn’s focus, and if she was going to tell an anecdote, it would be better when Karyn was listening.

Finally, Karyn said, “There. Now we can visit with each other while that processes.”

“But I’m already here.”

“Yeah, that was kind of an archaic use of the word ‘visit.’ I mean we can talk freely. You were telling me about when Dinky first learned magic.”

Derpy related her story, and as she promised, Karyn did listen intently. After, she asked, “So what’s the next step when this is done?”

“It’s listed in these instructions, but I was told to call in when it’s done. Then some of my co-workers will come in for the next steps.”

They continued to chat for a few minutes, when Derpy noticed that the monitor had ceased to put out messages. “Is it supposed to do that?” she asked.

Karyn eyed it and then turned back to her paper. “This isn’t right...” she muttered, and then read off the screen under her breath. Derpy decided it was best to let her be, but soon enough she said, “This job ended a lot sooner than it should have, according to the notes. That could mean something went wrong. It’s up to me to find out what.”

She did some more work that was incomprehensible to Derpy. One thought kept gnawing at Derpy’s mind. “Maybe nothing went wrong and you got lucky?”

“It’s possible. The problem is that I was supposed to call my boss at twelve o’clock when this finished. But that’s over a half hour from now. If I call, he might be irked that I needed to get him in early. I could wait until it is twelve and pretend that it took the right amount of time, but then what if he asks what I’ve been doing all this time? The other possibility, if it really has finished and, like you say, we’re lucky, is for me to go ahead with the next step. The others might be impressed by my taking initiative that way.”

Derpy scowled. “I don’t know about that. What if you mess it up and make it worse?”

“If I follow the directions, then I shouldn’t be able to, and if it does, then it’s the directions’ fault, not mine.”

“You’re sure that that’s what you’re going to do, then?”

Karyn hadn’t realized that, in arguing with Derpy, she was also convincing herself. “I think so. I’ll take each step extra slow, to make sure that I don’t really mess up, and also if I get asked what I did, I can say I was careful.”

She moved over her wheeled chair, and Derpy hovered into the spot that Karyn had vacated. She didn’t know what she was looking for. All she knew was that hopefully Karyn would lean back and say that it was done, after which point it would all be ordinary until she had to make the call.

But instead, after a few minutes, Karyn said, “Hm.”

“Yes?”

“It seems to have locked up.”

Sure enough, the stream of messages had stopped, and nothing was moving on Karyn’s right-hand screen. She was still able to use the left-hand one, but she wasn’t doing anything specific, just thinking.

“Now we call in for help, right?”

“Hang on, I haven’t done any troubleshooting yet.”

Derpy winced as Karyn tried a few tactics to no avail. She felt so impotent to help her friend, but the technology was far above her level of expertise. If only Karyn were in trouble in some way that flying could help her, Derpy thought.

But of course she had more than that. She had many spells that a unicorn had prepared for her. Surely there must be something that could help. “Maybe I can find a time reversal spell, or something to make it go how you want it to.”

Karyn pulled her attention away from the computer. “Derpy, it’s not that I don’t appreciate it, but you can’t always be there to hold my hand and fix my problems with magic. I’ve got to learn these things, OK?”

Derpy nodded and closed the flap of her saddlebag. Karyn went back to work for another few tense moments.

“I think I got it! I just made a typo. So if I shut it down and try it again with the right command...There!”

In Derpy’s mind, the screen should have had some red lights that would then all turn green, but there was nothing so dramatic that actually occurred. Instead, there was just a mass of scrolling and flashing windows, some of which closed on their own. She had to trust that Karyn’s excitement was positive. When the screen stopped again, she said, “All good?”

“All good. Now I can place the call.”

Instead of picking up the phone, Karyn pressed a button and the dial tone rang out. Derpy got to listen in on speaker. The voice on the other end was gravelly.

“Hi, Karyn, how’s it going?”

“Good, good.”

He didn’t interrupt, but at the same time, he didn’t wait to hear if there was any more to what Karyn had to say. “Did the backup finish?”

“Yes, it did.”

Again the boss spoke quickly. “OK. Do you think you could go on to the next step while I’m on my way in?”

Karyn paused. “Definitely. Shouldn’t have any problems.”

“OK, try that. You can stop if you feel you need to, though. I’ll see you shortly.”

Another beep of the phone, and the call was cut off. “Well, now there’s nothing to do for the next few minutes. A lot of this job is like that. If you weren’t here I’d be browsing the Internet or breaking the world record for FreeCell.”

“I can keep quiet and let you do that.”

“No, I do that all week. We can spend time, just like we would if we were back at the apartment.”

They exchanged pleasantries for the time until a car door slamming was heard outside.

“So I guess I have to not just be invisible but inaudible for this as well.”

Karyn put her hand on Derpy’s shoulder. If the camera caught the odd motion, she didn’t care. “I’m afraid so, but I’ll try to make it as informative as possible. You’ll like the people I work with; they’re good folk.”

“Like Equestrians?”

“Maybe so, yeah.”

She faced the door, which opened. The man who entered had a large pot belly and a scraggly beard, and to Derpy’s view he matched the voice that was on the phone. Walking around the table, he looked at the screen and said, “Good work.” It was the boss.

“Thanks, Leon.”

He went into a side office and sat at his desk. It was not clear whether he wanted Karyn to start up work again or wait. She chose to wait, and in any case in only a few more minutes two additional people arrived and greeted Karyn.

“Hey, Juana. Ed, good morning.” Karyn pronounced their names such that Derpy could hear them.

Derpy watched as the one she called Ed, who was also rather heavyset, gave Karyn a smile and nod before proceeding to his desk. The other one, Juana, a short and thin girl with dark hair, instead walked over to Karyn.

“Hey, how’d it go? So I watched that movie you recommended, and it was funny. But you should read this comic, because it’s basically on the same theme...” Their conversation devolved into minutiae about works that Derpy had never read, but at the same time, it always made her feel better to watch Karyn talking with other humans and being friends with them.

Her boss came out of the office. “So you’re up to this part? No problems?”

“I mistyped something once,” said Karyn, “but other than that, no.”

“All right. Why don’t you take off then? I’ll mark you for your full shift?”

“Really? Thanks!” Karyn wasted no time in packing up and heading out the door, for fear that her boss would change his mind. Out in the car, she put on her sunglasses and turned on the air conditioner. “Now that’s how I would like every work day to go.”

“Being let off early or taking a chance and having it go your way?”

“Being let off early because I took a chance and it went my way. I’m proud that I could take some initiative with something like that. You don’t agree?”

Derpy wasn’t so sure, but this wasn’t the time for an argument. “What I am proud of, or impressed by, was how well you got along with that one co-worker. What was her name? Wanna? Did you know her before you worked here?”

“Juana. Sounds close, but it’s not. But no, I met her on the job. In the first place, I think she’s the Pinkie Pie type who can make friends with anyone. But even if not for that I think we would get along. There are so few women in IT that we have to stick together when we do find one.”

“Why is that?”

Karyn shrugged. “It’s a male-dominated industry, for a lot of reasons. Anyway, what would you like to do today? Given that I just made a bunch of overtime without working, we should go have some fun.”

“You haven’t really made it, though.”

“I can enter it on my budget, which according to you is when I would realize an expense. Now that I’m earning money, that cuts both ways. So I’m going for ice cream. You in?”

“OK, we can spend for that.”

Author's Notes:

Before the preview, I want to remind everyone that I'm looking for chapter suggestions. I need a good five or six more. Come on, folks! You want to extend this story, right?

And now:

"The boss—“

“Leon, right?”

“Right. He gave me the job to do.”

“That’s good. He’s still showing confidence in you. But...did you mess it up?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I should just go to work in Equestria. If Rarity drops a stitch or Pinkie Pie uses salt instead of sugar, nopony says anything.”

The germ of an idea formed in Derpy’s mind, but she pushed it to the back in order to keep talking about what she wanted to.

“There’s a differnce, though.” Derpy stood up and put her back hooves together while her front hooves stood apart. Karyn recognized this as the pose she adopted when speaking seriously. “There’s a mentality that some ponies have—and some humans too, I gather—that makes them good at being bosses. I see it in the ponies I work for at the post office. I’m dedicated to mail delivery, and I work hard, but for them it’s different.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Karyn got back on, and Derpy resumed her trot. Karyn didn’t know where they were going, but Derpy was heading toward the general center of town, so Karyn was fine with that.

When they finally came to a stop, Karyn got off and looked at her surroundings before seeing which direction Derpy was trotting.

I hope everyone comes back for that chapter!

Next Chapter: 115: The Derp-up Estimated time remaining: 12 Hours, 39 Minutes
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