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Lyra's Human 2: Derpy's Human

by pjabrony

Chapter 102: 99: Lyra's Derpan

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“What did you two—“ Lyra began, but Karyn cut her off.

“Don’t be like Derpy and just repeat dramatic lines twice. I’ve had enough of weird dialogue structures from hanging out with Pinkie Pie last week. What happened?”

“He came in here and ran up the stairs to his room and slammed the door. He’s not usually angry, but I know he’s been distant lately. It reminds me of when we had the Christmas party and he was upset at not being able to help. Are you planning something like that?”

Derpy shook her head. “We were just going to take Pinkie to Earth when Hank—is that his name?”

“Of course it is,” said Lyra. Whether Pinkie had guessed correctly, secretly knew and made a joke, or had decided on his name and gender and made that decision reverberate backwards in time so that everyone who knew him called him that, they couldn’t say. Derpy continued to recount what had taken place on the clock tower.

Lyra shook her head. “That Pinkie Pie, she always makes trouble. It works out in the end, but still.”

They were still in the vestibule of Lyra’s house, but with the sun beating down on them, Lyra moved inside expecting them to follow. The house was well-ventilated and was not as warm as it was outside.

“I’m sorry if we did anything to make the situation worse,” said Derpy.

“Don’t blame yourself. If he was upset about you bringing other ponies to Earth, then it’s better for him to get it out of his system now. Actually, it would have been better if we could have discussed it when he first found out about it, before it festered. He does tend to let his anger build up. I just wish that he would open up to me. Sometimes we don’t communicate well.”

She looked up at the closed door to Hank’s room, drawing Karyn’s and Derpy’s as well. Even the door had a distinctly un-Equestrian look to it, as though years of use by a human had given the wood a deeper texture that the normal doors lacked.

“Well, we came here to try to make it right,” said Karyn. “Could you ask him if we could talk some more?”

Lyra was reluctant, but she ascended the stairs and knocked on the door. “Honey? Sweet-fingers? Derpy Hooves stopped by with her friend. They’re worried about you.” Her tone implied that she was worried too.

The momentary silence made Derpy and Karyn wonder if he was going to ignore them, or indeed if he was even really in there, but after a few moments a muffled “Not now” came from the door, and if Lyra’s tone was worried, this tone was dismissive, brusque, and very self-pitying.

“I don’t like to press him,” said Lyra as she came back down. “I’ve never been good at confrontations, and I know that if I were mad, I’d want to be alone until I felt better. Both because it would make me feel worse to argue, and I might say something I’d later regret.”

Derpy and Karyn looked at each other and silently agreed that they should not put Lyra into such a difficult situation. If Hank was going to play rock, they didn’t want to be the hard place.

Instead, it was Derpy who found herself squeezed. She was still worried that Hank’s anger was somehow her fault, and she didn’t feel right about walking out of the house and going on with her day leaving the problem unresolved.

She paced around the table once, then turned to Karyn. “Why don’t you talk to him? You know, human to human.”

“Me? I barely know him.”

“Yeah, but I can’t do it. I know him even less than you do.”

Karyn fumbled over how to explain, and Lyra, happy to be able to help someone, laughed and said, “Derpy, you have to remember that humans don’t all share a set of ideals. They’re different, much more than we ponies are.”

“But we have Earth ponies and pegasi and unicorns, and they don’t.”

Karyn put her hand on Derpy’s shoulder. “You’ve been visiting me nearly three years now, but you still don’t know all the bad things that humans can do. To each other, to other species, and even to the ones they love.”

“You’ve never done anything bad to me.”

It was Lyra’s turn again. “You haven’t spent that much time with her. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m second to nopony in how much I love humans, and one in particular. But it doesn’t give them an automatic connection with each other.”

“You’re right. I’m being stupid.”

“No, you’re not,” said Karyn, again touching Derpy to comfort her. As she did, she could see Lyra’s eyes following her hand as it rubbed on Derpy’s withers. Although she turned away quickly, Karyn took Lyra’s meaning.

“All right. I’ll give it a try.”

“You will?” Lyra cocked her head, and Derpy cocked hers the other way.

“Yes. It’s true that humans are all different from one another, but that means that I get to be how I am too. And even if it doesn’t make sense, even if I’ll probably fail, I’m going to try to talk to him, because that’s what I think I should do.”

She stood up and climbed the stairs. After a look back at the two ponies and a thumbs-up sign that delighted Lyra in particular, she knocked on the door.

“Lyra, I said not now. Please!” The voice was angry, but at the same time a little relieved, as if he had been hoping that she would knock again just to give him the freedom to yell.

“No, actually it’s Karyn. Derpy’s human? Can I come in?”

That put him off. Talking to a friend or a lover was one thing, but it was expected that he would be nicer to a relative stranger. “May I ask what it’s about?” he replied.

“I think you know that. There’s no reason to be upset, or if there is, no reason to brood on it yourself when we could be helping you. Maybe not even all of us, but just Lyra.”

“With respect, it’s not up to you to tell me whether or not I have reason to be upset.”

“Conceded. At least, you might have a reason based on what happened. But it doesn’t make sense to stay that way. Look, could you at least open the door? The whole point is for us to talk without Lyra and Derpy around.”

She heard shuffling from within and then the turning of the knob. As soon as the door opened, Hank turned back and walked back to the bed, never looking at her.

The room was spartan and bare, but unlike the door, it was a true pony room. The bed was a light wood and it must have been special ordered, because no pony with the possible exception of Big Macintosh needed one so large. Indeed, the whole room seemed too small for its occupant.

“All right,” he said, “Make your pitch.”

“I could do that if you’d explain better what’s bothering you.”

“What do you know about it? You’re just a kid really.”

For the first time Karyn realized how awkward it was for her to be alone in a room with a strange man. Probably neither of the ponies knew that it was inappropriate, and it wouldn’t be for them. But the age difference he had mentioned was there as well.

“You’re as old as some of my professors, and I have to speak to them as equals. So try treating me that way for once and see if we don’t get somewhere.”

“All right, you want plain talk? How about this: if you’re taking ponies to Earth and letting humans meet them, then that doesn’t make me special anymore. If it was just you, well, I didn’t have to see you often, and you didn’t live here. But what happens when someone else wants to come here? Pretty soon I’ll just be another resident.”

“And would that be so bad?” Karyn asked.

“Lyra bringing me here was the first thing in my life that made me more than ordinary. That’s kept me going ever since then. If I lose it, then what do I do?”

Karyn felt as though a key idea slipped past her, like she had the answer for a moment and then lost it. She shook her head and answered him.

“I still don’t think you’re being honest. Or at least, not completely honest. You were still civil until Pinkie Pie started her weird talk. Are you sure that you really have always had your name and such?”

“Yes, I have. It was more all that stuff about stories and characters. Maybe that’s just how she looks at it, but from my perspective, who I am is who I am.”

“That sounds like something Derpy would say.”

Hank looked at her downwards. She returned the glare just as hard. “Not so much now as before I met her. She’s the kind of pony who gets so self-conscious that she can’t see herself from the outside, and because of it she thought she had no friends.”

“I don’t think that.”

“No, you don’t. What your hangup is I haven’t figured out yet, but it’s the same kind of thinking that she does. Self-limiting. She toiled away for years as a mother and as a mailmare because of all the things she never had as a filly.”

Hank sliced his hand across the air. “My childhood was fine. Don’t get all Freudian on me.”

Again Karyn thought she had it, and again it was gone. “All right, then. What do you want?”

“Who said I want anything? I have a great life here. I have Lyra, and I still love her after all these years. Maybe more.”

“Then why are you cutting her off?”

“Do you have anyone special in your life?”

Karyn was taken aback for the first time in the conversation. “I used to have a boyfriend,” she said. “Now Derpy is the most special person for me.”

If Karyn was thrown off, Hank spoke kindly for the first time. “Then you know what it means for a pony to be special to you. How you want to keep it that way and never have anything change.”

“No, I don’t. Maybe being older has made you set in your ways, but I’m hoping for things to get better. Maybe even a lot better. But you’re trying to have your cake and eat it too. You want nothing to change, but you also want it to be like when Lyra brought you here.”

The key idea came to her, and this time she held onto it. Now her only task was to convince him—and herself—that it wasn’t crazy.

Downstairs, Lyra paced the room, but though her body moved back and forth, her eyes were locked on the door.

“Don’t drive yourself mad worrying,” said Derpy. “Karyn will take care of it.”

“She shouldn’t have to take care of it. He’s my responsibility.”

“No, he’s not. Everyone has to be responsible for themselves. There’s only so much we can do for them. Hank is having a tough time, but that will pass, and Karyn will help him see what he needs to.”

Lyra sat down, but if anything her anxiety only increased. She shuffled the knick-knacks on the coffee table both with her hooves and with her magic field.

“I wish I’d learned remote-listening spells. I should really be hearing what’s going on in there. Derpy, do you want to go outside and hover below his window? If we’re lucky he’ll have it open.”

“No, I will not do that for you. You’re going to have to learn to be patient and let things just happen.”

“But that’s what got me in trouble in the first place, back when other ponies would make fun of me for acting so un-pony-ish. Yes, I could just eat my oats and play my lyre like everypony else, but I don’t want to!”

Derpy flashed confusion. “Not everypony else plays the lyre.”

Lyra stared at Derpy and laughed, and Derpy was happy to at least have broken the tension. “You’re right,” Lyra said. “Very few ponies do, in fact. But as far as I know, no pony at all is like me in terms of impatience and using spells to find humans.”

“Well, there’s one other.”

It took her a moment to get it. “I see what you mean.”

Wanting to keep her mind off of her troubles, Derpy said, “Tell me about how you made the spell. I don’t know that much about magic, but I’ve gleaned a little from Dinky.”

“Well, legends about humans go back thousands of years, but of course nopony believed in them. I don’t know if I really did either, but I liked hearing about them all the same. Back then, when I thought about humans, I imagined them more as a companion, the way you are with Karyn. But…it’s hard to describe.”

“Go on.”

Lyra stared into the distance and spoke slowly. “I wasn’t looking for a human. No, rather, I wasn’t looking for any human in particular. I just wanted a human. Maybe part of it was that I didn’t expect him to know who I was, or anything about Equestria, or anything like that. I was prepared for whoever I found to be indignant at having been pulled out of their world, or afraid, or any number of negative reactions. But to have a positive reaction, and one that turned into a relationship—it just wasn’t in my realm of possibility.”

“Maybe fate and destiny were looking out for you. They knew that you and he were meant for each other, and let you find the spell to bring him here.”

“You believe in fate, Derpy?”

In fact, Derpy had just been trying to say something comforting to a friend who clearly needed it. But to admit that would be counterproductive. “It’s almost like the way you were with humans. I don’t know if destiny is a real thing that you can measure and use to predict, but it’s a good thing when it brings lovers together, like it did for you.”

“But that’s part of the problem. Our love was formed amidst fear and doubt. I accidentally let him out of the house, not thinking of what would happen if anypony saw him, and then Bon-bon did, and Princess Celestia came, and everything was a big mess. Only once it got sorted out could Hank and I sit down and really figure out what our relationship was.”

“That’s what I’m talking about, with the destiny. Most ponies don’t get to find their loves like that. They just meet and talk and that’s it. You got to have a grand adventure.”

Lyra shook her head. “That may well have made it worse. Hank’s told me that by all the reports on Earth, relationships that form out of emergency situations tend not to last. Now, maybe that’s different in Equestria, but he’s still human. The bad things of his world—not even bad, but the harsh cruel facts—are part of living with him. I wouldn’t trade it for anything, but it’s hard to say if he thinks it’s worth it.”

Derpy brooded. If it were Karyn giving her a sob story like this, she would better know how to help her. But Lyra wasn’t as close a friend. All she could do was try her best. “Let me ask you something. Do you think he’s planning to ask you to send him back to Earth?”

“No, he hasn’t talked about that.”

“If he does, it might be for one of our visits. And if that happens, then Karyn and I will have the chance to work on him. Not hastily like now, but slowly and steadily. Maybe we’ll even take him to some of the nasty places on Earth that Karyn tries to keep me out of. Then he’ll remember why he decided to stay here.”

“What if it works the other way?” asked Lyra, “And he gets even more homesick and leaves me because of it? I don’t think that will happen, but at the same time I want to make sure that it doesn’t.”

“I see your point. But don’t forget this. You said that on Earth sometimes having love formed in tense situations doesn’t always work out, right? But you’re a pony. Here, in Equestria, love like that—like Shining Armor and Cadance when they had the changeling invasion—that does tend to last. Most of them do. It’s only the background ponies like me who have to suffer through losing their loved ones.”

Lyra perked her head up, and Derpy wondered if mentioning her own troubles was the right thing to do. “At this point,” Lyra said, “I’d just like him to come out and tell me what he’s thinking, even if it’s the worst and that he’s completely tired of me, and of Equestria.”

“What will you do then?”

“I’ll move on.” Lyra leaned back against the couch in her distinctive style. “I won’t try to find another human, but I’ll enjoy playing more concerts, spending more time with Bon-bon. Plenty of things. It will have been a learning experience. Maybe that’s another difference between humans and ponies. They’re more resilient. You mentioned your divorce—it was pretty devastating afterwards, wasn’t it?”

“Yes.” Derpy was glad that Lyra wasn’t angry with her bringing it up. “It took me a long time to get over it. But if it happens I’ll be there for you and we’ll get through it together.”

“What I meant was, having spent a long time with a human, I think some of that’s rubbed off on me. I’ll adapt, even if a part of me will go with him.”

The two mares let their conversation lapse into a long pause. Lyra still stole looks up at the door, but there was nothing more that Derpy could think to do to distract her. They sat a long time, and though Derpy didn’t fall asleep, she still felt as though she was startled awake when the knob turned and the door pulled open. She couldn’t say if it was the movement or the sound.

Lyra was on her hooves even before Derpy. She wanted to race up the stairs, but instead held her ground as though she was waiting for a firing squad.

Hank emerged first with Karyn trailing him closely. His face was as blank a mask as Lyra’s was. He came downstairs and faced her.

“First of all, in regards to Pinkie Pie—“ he began, but Karyn gave him a shove from behind.

“No, first you should apologize to Lyra for shutting the door on her and being in a mood all day.”

He turned back to face her. “If I’m going to do this, I’m going to do it in my own way.”

Karyn shrugged, and her expression said, “It’s your funeral.”

He turned back to Lyra. “All right. I am sorry for the way I acted. But Pinkie Pie did get to me. She’s great at making everypony smile, but when it comes to unfamiliar people, it takes her a while. Whatever. I don’t want to talk about her. The point is this: if it’s true that what happened to us was like a story, and that now it’s over, then that would tend to explain why I’ve been feeling in such a rut. I wasn’t always as much of a grump as I am now, you know.”

“Of course I do,” said Lyra. “I don’t even think you are that much.”

“Please.” He held up his hand. “Yes, I am. Because I’m not Equestrian. You would have trouble understanding this, because you’re not just a generally happy and kind soul, you’re a pony. And you can’t understand how living in a happier world might make you less happy. But that’s how it can be with humans.”

“I know, I know. Believe me, I’ve seen how you can be…”

“Please,” he said again, but this time instead of skepticism, he was truly making a plea. “I’m trying to get through this, and it’s difficult. Anyway, yes, it irks me that Karyn and Derpy are bringing ponies to Earth to meet humans, and yes, it bothers me that Equestria might just open up its borders, and yes, plenty of things about living in Equestria make me remember that I am now and will always be a stranger in a strange land. But what I realized—correction, what I always knew, and Karyn reminded me of—is that it’s not Equestria that keeps me here. Even if living on Earth meant going back to my dead-end job and dead-end life, I would still do it, if not for you.

“Yes, I do wish that we could go back and relive our adventure, and yes, I do wish that we could recapture what we had then. But we can’t. All we can do is take what we have and declare it, shout it, make it real ourselves.”

He looked over at Karyn as if waiting for a final approval, then approached Lyra, who had listened to his speech unmoving, her eyes beginning to well with tears. He held out his hands and put them in the position he had held her in so long ago, when they had first declared their love. Dropping to one knee, he was looking her right in the eyes.

“Lyra Heartstrings,” he said, “will you marry me?”

Next Chapter: 100: Lyra's Derpan 2: Derpy's Derpan Estimated time remaining: 16 Hours, 39 Minutes
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