“He’s-ugh-heavier than-ugh-he looks!” Octavia said as she and Twilight leaned Humble against the wall outside his apartment. The two had carried the author up the flight of stairs after he collapsed from his drinking at the entrance to the apartment. “So what are we going to do?”

Twilight stopped short of opening the door and sighed “I don’t know, I still can’t believe Miss Yearling did that. I mean turning a pony down is one thing, but doing it after being together for so long.” Twilight opened the door. “It’s like something out of Rarity’s romance novels.”

“Well, I’m sure Miss Yearling will be happy to explain, but what about the other—”

Rainbow Dash zoomed into the hallway. “Guys! You won’t believe what we just found out!” Rainbow Dash closed the door and pushed the two to the center of the living room. “It’s amazing, it’s impossible, it’s-”

“Inconceivable!” Rarity threw her hooves onto the counter. “Miss Yearling is Pinkie’s aunt!”

“We know.”

Rarity straightened herself. “You know?” She ran up to them like a giddy schoolfilly. “Tell me, tell me, tell me!”

Twilight was about to speak when she noticed Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Button Mash. The first three looked up in anticipation, but, Button was too focused on his Gamecolt. “Umm, Rarity?”

“Yes?” Rarity had the spark of gossip gleam in her eye, but paid attention when Twilight nodded over to the foals. “Oh, um, Fluttershy?”

Fluttershy looked up from her puzzle. “Yes?”

“Would you mind taking the foals to the hotel?” Rarity mouthed the words, “Grownup business.”

Fluttershy nodded in part before walking over to the foals. “Come on everypony, we’re going to go now.”

“But this sound important!” Sweetie Belle pouted.

Fluttershy’s defense had been hit like a creature in Button’s video games, a hit that Rarity noticed. Looking towards Button she smiled in a devious manner. “Well, I could always tell Button’s mom you foalnapped him—”

“On second thought, lets go!” Sweetie Belle barked at everypony else to go with Fluttershy, who also quickened her pace until they all went out the door.

Just as the five were about to leave Button noticed Humble on the floor, “Uh, guys? There’s a homeless stallion here.” But everypony else had already gone down the other flight of stairs. “Um, here.” Button put a bit on Humble before galloping after the rest.

Rarity walked over to the kitchen table with a hum, “Now that is taken care of,” Rarity put her hoof against her ear. “Tell us all about it!”

*****

Humble awoke in the hall with a nasty headache accompanied by a dry, furry taste. “Ehh, feels like I’ve been eating cotton.” He got up and noticed he was outside his apartment. “How did I get home?”

“What!?” shouted the group from inside. The sound of rushing hooves came to a halt when Rainbow Dash slammed the door open with everypony from the living room behind her. Rainbow Dash quickly picked up Humble and shook him.

“Why didn’t you tell us that you and A.K. Yearling were exes?”

“Rainbow Dash, stop!” Pinkie pulled Rainbow Dash off Humble. “Unkie Humble are you alright?”

“Ohhh.” Humble rubbed his temples as his blood circulation returned to normal. “Yes sweetie, but please don’t yell. Now where is Daz-Miss Yearling?” He furrowed his eyebrows. “I want that mare out of my apartment right now.”

“But Humble you can’t do that!” Coil said as Humble got up.

“Celestia’s mane, I can’t!” Humble stormed past the group before realizing what Rainbow Dash had said. “Wait, a second how do you all know about my—” He glanced  over to Twilight and Octavia who had a nervous grins, Humble frowned, “...I see, well then I’ll be happy to explain everything to you all after I’ve dealt with—Omph!” Humble went muzzle first into Cloud Skipper and Midnight Blossom. “Who the Discord are you two?”

“Mr. Pie—” Midnight was pushed to the floor.

Cloud got in her place. “Mr. Pie, I am lieutenant Cloud Skipper of her Majesty Celestia’s Royal Solar guard. I have a few question for you concerning your foalnapping.”

Humble looked at him for a second. “Umm, okay? But first let me deal with the mare trespassing in my bedroom.”

“You mean Miss Yearling? I’m afraid she left here about two hours ago.”

“What?” Humble ran past Cloud, slammed open Coil’s door, and looked around. “Why that cowardly succubus!”

“Hey!” Everyone turned to Rainbow Dash, “You can’t call Yearling that!”

Humble looked down and breathed deeply. That mare just comes and goes doesn’t she? thought Humble. “It doesn’t matter,” he mumbled.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Humble shut the door and looked back at the guards. I’m not done with you yet Yearling! “Alright officer, I’m ready to go.”

“Wait!” Pinkie ran up to Humble and grabbed hold of his muzzle “Unkie Humble, you just got back! You can’t go just like that!”

“Now, Pinkie.” Twilight moved up. “Humble has to go tell the police about everything that happened to him.” She softly put her hoof on Pinkie’s shoulder. “He’ll be alright.”

“Don’t you worry hon.” Humble pushed Pinkie away gently. “I’ll be fine.”

Pinkie looked up with sad eyes, but grinned nevertheless. “Alright, Unkie Humble. I’ll see you at the hotel.”

“Hotel? I thought you all where—Wait, what are you all doing here anyway?” Humble looked around to see that most of the ponies he had met at Ponyville where in his living room.

“Well, we couldn’t just let ya get foalnapped like that.” Applejack shook her head. “Just wouldn't be right.”

Octavia coughed and smiled, “And I do believe I owe you a favor for saving my life.”

“Also, you never signed my copy of your book.” Rarity pulled from her bags a hardcover book with a picture of a barrel stuck in a iceberg under the words “Ice Barrels.” “Um, would you mind?”

“Sure.” Humble took the book and quickly wrote his name before giving it back to Rarity who held it tightly. “Well that explains you ponies, but I could’ve sworn I heard Scootaloo—Scootaloo! How is she?”

“The squirt’s fine. She and the other kids left with Fluttershy already. ” Rainbow Dash flew up. “But what I really want to know is how in the world you made kissy faces with A.K. Yearling!”

“Enough!” Everypony jumped slightly at Humble’s sudden shouting. “I don’t want to hear that mare’s name in this house—”

“Technically, it’s a condo,” Spike corrected, but stopped when Humble glared at him. “But I could be wrong.”

“But why not? Was it because she dumped you?” Rainbow Dash went closer to Humble.

“And right when you proposed of all the times.” Rarity patted her slightly mascara-stained eyes at the memory of Twilight and Ocativa’s tale. “The humiliation must’ve been horrible!”

Twilight glanced back to Humble, and the grim frown on his muzzle. “Um, maybe we should go?”

“Yes.” Humble took a step forward. “Perhaps you should,” he practically growled. “Where can I find this hotel of yours?”

“Oh, it’s that one!” Pinkie pointed out the room window to the Mane Fair Hotel in the distance.

“Good,” Humble said with a snort. “Well then, everypony, I suppose I’ll see you later. Guards?”

“This way, Mr. Pie.” Midnight Blossom and Cloud Skipper walked out the door with Humble in tow. The ponies in the room looked out the main window as Humble was put into a police carriage and driven away.

“Well, that went better than expected,”said Spike simple. Everypony else, except Pinkie and Coil, rolled their eyes at him.

*****

Being a former special forces guard left its mark on a stallion. Sometimes it was mental, other times physical. In Lemon Squeeze’s case, it was both. He had been a archer in the past, so he was used to waiting long periods of time for a target to appear, however, waiting for their contact to arrive accompanied by the constant complaining and swearing of Stale was making him honestly prefer being forced to lay in a bush of poison ivy for twelve hours.

“Where is that bucking bloke?” Stale slumped beside Lemon as the two waited on a stone bench in the seventh avenue subway station. “He said he would be here by four o’clock and it’s six-bucking-three!”

“Maybe he got held up in traffic,” groaned Lemon as he stared at a poster advertising the M.I.K.’s newest product, the Weeder 3000, with a picture of a slack-jawed stallion saying, “Mah weed is gone!” “That or we got the wrong station,” he added.

“Nah, Pike told us the contact would be here.” Stale put a hoof into his coats pocket and pulled out two brass horseshoes.

Lemon glanced at the pieces of metal. “What are you doing?”

“See there?” Stale pointed in the direction of the only other living souls in the area. Four unsavory figures were looking at them in the corner of the station: a female griffon wearing a red beanie,a mare with a poorly bright blue-dyed mane, a mule with a toothpick in his crooked, yellow teeth, and a minotaur in a t-shirt harboring a picture of Celestia in a suggestive pose. “Bucking kids, think they’re so tough just because they can spit farther than they can throw.”

“Let’s not try to draw attention to ourselves,” hissed Lemon as he got a dirty look from the mare. “I don’t want to draw attention to ourselves—”

“Too late.” Stale hammered the final nail into his hoofs as the four thugs walked over with the griffon in front. “What can I do for you, miss?” sneered Stale.

“You can start by telling your friend here to throw over his case.” The griffon pointed at Lemon’s iron briefcase that held his bow. “Or else me and my friends are gonna lose our manners.” She nodded at the other thugs, and they chuckled.

“Now just who do you think you are?” Lemon was about to get up and show a lesson to the mare when Stale pushed him down.

“Listen bitch,” said Stale getting up in the griffon’s beak. “You and your little friends here can go find a nice piss-stained mattress and go buck yourselves.”

“Is that right?” The griffon showed her talons which were reinforced with steel covers. “Well how about I just take it?” The griffon threw her claw at Stale’s muzzle, but Stale ducked and rammed his head right into the griffon’s stomach. “Shit!”

“How about no?” Stale’s lips curled into a disturbed smile as he took hold of the griffon’s wings and threw her into a column before she could even flap. Stale turned his attention to the rest of the gangbangers. “Who’s next?” The mule ran up to Stale and somersaulted over him, he took his kicking pose, but before he could finish it, Stale took both of his legs and twisted them, earning him a blood curdling scream from the hybrid as he collapsed from the pain. “Come on! This isn’t even har—Whoah!” Stale dodged a knife slash as the poorly dyed mare circled hi, swinging a pair of knives like a deadly ballerina. But even she couldn’t stop the hitpony. “Here you go girly!” Stale slid under the mare and bucked her into a turnstile throwing her out of the station. “That’ll teach you to mind other ponies—Aw, shit.” Stale jumped back as the minotaur threw a trashcan at him.

“You die!” shouted the minotaur with smoke coming out of his nostrils. “You go—Ahhhh!” The minotaur shook violently.

“What the—?” Stale watched as the minotaur fell to the floor revealing a frowning Light Wizard holding a taser.

“Really, Mister Stale?” Light stepped over the groaning minotaur, “This is most uncivil. Luckily nopony else was here.”

Stale clinked his hooves together. “Who the buck are you?”

“My name is Light Wizard. I am an associate to Mr. Pike.” Light put away the taser. “I was sent to bring you to him along with your ‘friend’, but I see he’s not here.” Light frowned.

Lemon got up and rubbed his head. “Um, well you see Mr. Wizard, our friend—”

Light put a hoof up. “Spare me the details, Mr. Squeeze, I saw Humble trot by my carriage on my way to work this morning.” Light put his hoof to his forehead and groaned. “Mr. Pike will not be pleased at this change of events.”

“But Mr. Wizard, we can explain—”

“Enough,” snapped Light. “You can explain to Mr. Pike when we arrive at his office. Now come along, a carriage is waiting to take us.”

As the three started to walk out of the subway station, Stale heard the griffon groan.

“Heh, one second guys.” He walked over to the griffon and picked her up. “Ups-a-daisy!”  The two other stallions watched as Stale dragged the griffon to the tracks. A rumble was heard as the sound of an oncoming train came rushing towards the station, aligning the griffon with the track so that her head was in the way of the incoming object, Stale chuckled. “That’ll teach you.”

He turned around and noticed the disapproving look on Light. “Really Mister Stale?”

“Oh, fine!” Quickly, Stale pulled the griffon back just as the train came through. “You owe me one, though.”

The carriage ride was full of silence and bored looks until it came to the front steps of a gigantic skyscraper. The tower thrust up into the sky, sending a long, wide shadow over the city. Ponies in business suits rushed in and out of the row of revolving glass doors at the top of the steps, hauling papers and briefcases.

“Um, this is kinda of public, don’t you think?” said Lemon as all ponies came out of the carriage. “I mean, what if the spears come here?”

Light sighed. “I’ve made arrangements so that you two can travel throughout the city without being hassled, now come along.”

The three went past the doors and into a wide, open lobby. A chandelier with metal rectangles hung above a circular desk, where receptionists were busy typing away and reading letters from the chutes that ran in the building’s walls. Light flashed them a passcard before going past a turnstile. He lead Stale and Lemon to an elevator where he asked the attendant to take them to the highest floor of the building. Stepping out they entered a smaller lobby with a  similar chandelier and a familiar mare.

“Good afternoon, Miss Typo,” Light said to the typing mare, “I’m here to see Pike.”

Typo Fixer didn’t look up. “He’s right in the middle of his exercise, Light. Head on in.”

Stale shot her a flirtatious grin. “A pleasure to meet you again love.” The resulting silence just made him snort.

The three walked past the desk and entered its conjoining room, where they were met with a room full of light so bright, it seemed the sun had made its new home there.

“What the buck?” Stale covered his eyes as the sun’s rays shone in through the office’s glass walls.

“Oh, hello friends,” said a spandex-clad Pike as he uncurled himself from his yoga position. “Mr. Crumbs and Mr. Squeeze! What a pleasure to see you again!”

“A pleasure to see you too, sir.” Lemon squinted at Pike to make out his shape. “Is there a way you could darken the room a bit?”

“Oh, certainly lad.” Pike clapped his hooves together, and a second later, the clear view from outside was replaced with a blank, peach-colored wall.

Lemon poked at the walls, expecting plaster, but felt only hot glass. “How did you do that?”

Pike stretched his legs before jumping into his desk’s chair. “Neat, right? These walls are actually an enhanced form of glass from Saddle Arabia. They can change colors and hues to make the room go from crystal clear to pitch black. Saved me a ton of bits on colored windows.”

“That’s real nice, boss.” Stale pulled out his pipe and lit it. “But, eh, how about we get down to the, er, business?”

Pike beamed with joy, “Aw, yes, Humble! Where is he?” Pike looked at both stallions; neither responded. “You did get him, didn’t you?”

Light coughed before taking a step forward. “Actually, sir, this morning as I was going to get coffee, I saw our good friend Mr. Pie trot by.” Pike’s eyes went wide and a frown appeared on his face.

“We can explain!” said Stale and Lemon in unison.

Mr. Pike looked down in contemplation, the action bringing a thick fog of tension into the room. All three stallions waited for the elderly pegasus to respond in aseries of shouts, swears, and potential termination of employment, but were surprised when all he did was shrug.

“Oh, well.” Pike took a sip out of a glass of water, “These things happen. I trust you did, however, take care of Mr. Turner?”

Stale looked at Lemon, who just shrugged. “Uh, yeah boss. The bucker’s in the hospital as we speak.”

“Good.” Pike got up from his chair and went over to a nearby coffee table, where a metal briefcase lie. “I must say, Lemon, you are a very good marksstallion. The guards were fools to let you leave.”

“Thank you, sir.” Lemon caressed his bows case. “But if I may ask sir, what did that special vial you gave me do to him?”

“Oh, it was just a little concoction I learned when a relative of mine was among the zebra tribes.” Pike brought the case over. “I trust there wasn’t anything else?”

The memory of Octavia came back to Lemon, “Actually, sir, yes, it seems that The Assassins are involved.”

Pike looked up. “Yes, I know of them. In fact, our dear Light here is to become a member of The Templars.”

Light’s eyes widened and he sputtered. “Sir! That’s private information!”

Pike waved him off. “Oh pish posh, we’re all friends here.”

Lemon squinted his good eye at Pike. “So you're a Templar too?”

Pike shook his head slowly. “Oh, Celestia, no. I’m far too busy for such business.”

Stale played with his pipe. “Yeah, yeah. This is all real interesting. But I’d like to get paid and leave this country before the spears find us.”

Pike grinned. “Of course, Stale.” He rolled the combination to the briefcase. With a click, the box opened and revealed five golden bars. “I believe this should be enough...for now.”

Stale took the pipe out of his mouth. “Whad’ya mean for now? Aren’t we done?”

Pike closed the case and gave it to Lemon. “Well, that’s up to you. You see, my friends, I’m hosting a party in two days and I’d be very much obliged if you’d come.”

Lemon blinked his good eye. “Um, sir, we appreciate the invitation, but we’re, uh, kind of wanted now.”

Pike chuckled. “My dear boy, you underestimate me. I have more than enough influence to make that problem go away.”

“You do?”

“Why of course, I could even change the country’s train schedules to my comfort if I wanted to.”

Stale rubbed his muzzle in thought. “So what would we be doing there? Not talking to no bucked up rich dicks and their bloody whore wives?” Light glared at Stale whilst Pike only snickered.

“Well, that’s the big question, now isn’t it?” Pike sat down in his chair again. “I’d like to introduce you to other members of The Templar order, I hear they could use some help with their Assassin problem.”

Stale and Lemon looked at each other for a moment.

“Can we have a moment?”

Pike took another sip of his water, before nodding. “Sure.”

Going to a secluded part of the room, both stallions huddledup.

“I don’t know about this Stale,” Lemon said, glancing to see if the other stallions were watching (they were discussing the weather). “Don’t you think it’s kinda suspicious to have a non-Templar ask us to help them, and to shrug off our losing their package?”

Stale snorted. “Listen Lem, I could give a rat’s ass on what they do behind closed doors, but I know a good deal when I see one.” Stale looked over to Pike who was showing a yoga move to Light. “Besides, Templars pay good money.Remember that job we did for that plothole from Vanhoover a couple months ago here?”

Lemon nodded. “How could I forget? It’s when I saw that assassin bitch.” Lemon looked down in thought for a moment before picking his head up. “But the pay was good.”

Stale smirked heavily and blew some more bubbles that popped on the glass ceiling. “And if two thousand bits can be gained from one assassin without killing them, think about how much they’ll pay to have us finish them.”

Lemon tapped his chin before smiling deviously. “We’ll do it!” he shouted to Pike.

Pike smiled brightly. “Splendid! Now you’ll need a place to stay, I’ve got a fine suite in the Mane Fair Hotel if you're interested.”

Stale took a blow from his pipe and shrugged “Sounds good to me, tired of sleeping in cots anyway. But you sure we won’t be bothered by any spears?”

Pike started to giggle, “Oh, Stale, my boy! I assure you there won’t be any trouble with the law, I’ve already sent a message to our guard friends to not trouble you two.”

Lemon took a step back and paused. “You bribed the Equestrian guard? How in Celestia’s lifetime did you—”

“Questions can be answered later!” Pike got up and started pushing both mercenaries out of the room with surprising ease. “Now I want you to enjoy your time at the hotel. I heard the spa is divine! You will see your drivers downstairs.” As he pushed them out into the lobby, both turned to him and attempted to speak, but shrugged it off and went towards the elevator. Pike closed the doors and looked back at Light. “Well, I think that went well.”

Light nodded. “I suppose. But sir, if I may?”

Pike started his walk back to his yoga mat. “You may.”

“Why aren’t you concerned about Humble escaping?”

Pike clapped his hooves together and the walls shifted back into a clear view. He got on the mat and into a lotus position. Pike had a look of tranquility on him. “Because he needs to be out.”

*****

“Oh my Celestia, this place is amazing!”Sweetie Belle and her friends ran throughout the enormous penthouse, with Fluttershy catching the occasional toppled vase. “I mean watch!” Sweetie Belle jumped onto a bed and pressed a button on the nightstand, a second later she started to moan in pleasure as the bed vibrated. “Thisssss iiiisss tthhhee lllifffee.”

“Yeah, and watch this!” Scootaloo pressed another button, this time on the kitchen counter. Sapphire Shore’s new single, “Shake that Mane” started blasting throughout the rooms.

“That’s alright and all, but lookie here!” Apple Bloom pressed a button with the word “Apples” on it, and a second later, a ding was heard at the door. “I’ll get it.” Apple Bloom opened it up to the sight of a silver platter on a cart pushed by a griffon.

“Mademoiselles Apples.” The griffon took the lid off the platter and revealed dozens of apple products ranging from apple cider to apple pies.

“Those are all cool, but watch what this one does!” Button pressed a button and a loud sound from the kitchen sink was heard. “Oh, nevermind. That’s just the garbage disposal.”

“Um, maybe we could stop pressing all the buttons?” Fluttershy smiled meekly as she rushed to shut off the garbage disposal. “How about we all just play a board game?” Another ding was heard from the front door. “Oh, I wonder who that could be.” She opened the door to the other girls.

“Thanks again, Fluttershy, for taking care of the youngins.” Applejack put her bags to the side of the room while everypony else came in. “They weren’t too much trouble, were they?”

“Oh no, they were angels—”

A large crashing sound came from inside the kitchen before Button shouted. “Sorry! I was trying to get the plates on the top shelf!”

“Now listen up, everypony!” Applejack herdedthe four children together. “This ain’t no vacation, remember that. We’re here on important business.”

Rarity put her bags over on the couch. “Fluttershy, are you ready for our spa time?” Rarity got her book out. “The receptionist told me it’s divine!”

“Rarity, I’m trying to make a point!”

“Now, everypony listen to Applejack. The reason we came here was to help Humble.” Twilight put her stuff down. “So let’s all remember to just—” Twilight stopped when she saw room’s huge library. “Well, maybe we could have some relaxation time.”

*****

Diamond Tiara had grown up with only the best. The best accessories, the best food, the best (in her opinion) friend, and the best news, which made what she heard the (relative) worst thing that happened to anypony ever.

“You can’t do this, daddy!” Diamond clung to her father’s foreleg as he struggled to get out of Derpy’s front door. “You can’t leave me with them!”

Derpy chuckled. “We’ll take good care of her, Filthy. Right, muffin?” She looked down at Dinky, who smiled and nodded.

“Yep, mommy!”

“Agh!” Filthy pried Diamond off him. “Thank you again, Miss Doo,” he said to her before turning to Diamond. “Now you be a good filly for them, princess, alright?” Diamond tried desperately to squirm out of his grasp as he planted her back on the doorstep.

“But daddy!” cried Diamond shuddering at the thought of being among what she considered peasants. “They don’t even have a butler!”

“Yes we do!” Dinky pulled out a toy bear wearing a bowtie. “His name’s Mr. Tea.”

Diamond’s right eye twitched before she looked back at her dad. “This has to be illegal.”

Filthy glanced upward for pity. “Now listen, Diamond, it’s only going to be for two weeks, alright? Besides you might learn something.”

“Pffft, like what?”

“Well, um—” The sound of a carriage bell saved Filthy. “Love you sweetie. Mwah!” Filthy galloped into the carriage, and barely a second later, it left behind a cloud of dust as it went over the horizon.

Diamond sighed and look up to see Derpy smiling at her. “What do you want?”

Derpy pointed toward the house. “I baked some muffins for you. Would you like some?”

Diamond was baffled by the statement. “You baked muffins? By yourself? Don’t you have somepony to do that for you?”

“Course, I do. My little muffin.” Derpy stepped to the side, allowing Dinky to tackle Diamond in a hug.

“We’re gonna have so much fun!” Dinky nuzzled Diamond (who was desperately trying to get away). “Especially when we get to Canterlot!”

Diamond stopped struggling when she heard the city name. “Canterlot? You’re going to Canterlot?”

“Yes, didn’t your father tell you?” Derpy waved for them to come inside. “We’ll be staying with a friend there. Now, I gotta help Carrot Top in the backyard with the doctor’s shed. You girls play nice.”

“A friend?” Diamond thought this over. Canterlot is mostly made up of nobles though, how could these two possibly know anypony—Ahh! Diamond fell to the floor with a thump growling at her attacker: Mr. Tea. Getting up, she looked over herself. “Oh no! Now I’m filthy!”

“Whafta tafking abouf?” Dinky sprayed crumbs into Diamond’s face as she ate her muffin and swallowed it. “We clean up everyday.”

Diamond couldn’t believe her fate—she would not stand for it. “Okay, listen up! We’re gonna lay down some rules—” A growling sound interrupted her, “—but first, you're going to make me a meal.”

“Okie-dokie!” Dinky pranced into the kitchen while Diamond followed behind her. Opening the fridge, Dinky pondered on what to make. “Hmmm, we got muffin mix, your muffin, lettuce, soup, muffin mix, radishes, a half-eaten hayburger, muffin mix, and a can of beans! What would you like?”

“I’ll have a radish salad.” Diamond waved her hoof at Dinky to cook before taking a seat on the counter. “And do hurry.”

“Okay!” Dinky got the lettuce out along with the radishes and put them in a bowl. “Here you go!”

Diamond looked at the bowl with a puzzled look. “Why is the lettuce still a ball? And the radishes are not cut!”

“Mommy doesn’t own any knifes.” Dinky went over to another drawer and pulled out a pair of safety scissors.

Diamond’s interest was peaked. “Why not?”

“She says she can’t see that well and doesn’t want to get an owie.” Dinky started cutting the lettuce with the scissors before doing the same to the radishes.  “There we go!”

“Finally!” Diamond put her head down to chomp and felt only air. “What the—Hey!”

Dinky stopped putting half the salad into her own bowl and looked up. “Yeah?”

“Why are you stealing from me?”

Dinky giggled. “I’m not stealing, silly. I’m taking my half.”

“You already had a muffin!”

Dinky grinned. “And you still have yours too, but mommy says I need to eat my vegetables, too. Besides, it’s fun to share!”

Diamond stared at Dinky with a frown. “It’s fun to what?”

Dinky giggled again, much to Diamond’s annoyance. “Share! You know, where one pony gives some of their things to another pony.”

Diamond still just stared at her. “And what do they get in return?”

“They get their own share, as well!”

Diamond shook her head and put her hooves to her forehead. “So let me get this straight. You give some of your things to another pony, and in exchange you have less than you started with?”

“Yep!”

“Why in the world would you want to do that?” Diamond took a bite out of her lettuce. “It makes no sense.”

“Because it’s nice to give stuff to other ponies!”

Diamond snickered. “Yeah right. My daddy tells me that he earned his business on one lesson: don’t let anypony slow you down.”

“But I thought your daddy was born rich?”

Diamond stopped eating her radishes. “Well, uh, he, uh, you wouldn’t understand. It’s too adult for you.”

“Okay!” Dinky went back to munching on her salad.

Diamond looked down and saw that she had already finished hers. “Hmm, huh?” Dinky put a big slice of her radishes into Diamond’s bowl. “What you’d do that for?”

“You looked like you wanted more.” Dinky ate the last of her lettuce. “Well go on, eat up.”

Diamond looked down at the radishes, but shook her head. “Eh, you can have them. I don’t eat anything that hasn’t been washed.”

“But I did wash them.” Dinky waited for a response, but got none. “Okay, more for me!”

*****

Humble sighed as he came out of the police station, and was met with a mixture of light and dark as the city’s sea of lamps turned on. He had been in the station for seven hours, seven hours of filling out forms, answering questions, shaking his head at a line up of ponies who looked like Stale and Lemon, until the guards had let him go on the condition he come back tomorrow. “Well,” he said, waiting in line for a hayburger at a cart. “That was awful.”

A stallion in front of him looked back. “What was?”

“Oh, sorry. Just talking to myself.” The stallion looked back at the cart, leaving Humble to his thoughts. Probably better if I think, rather than talk.  Humble waited for his turn, and after getting his burger, looked up at a nearby street clock. “Dang, I was in there longer than I thought. Well, I’ll just  head to the hotel tomorrow. I’m sure the girls will understand.” Trotting down into the subway, Humble glanced at a group of injured thugs thugs tending their wounds in the corner of the station. Kids these days. Getting on the subway, Humble sat between a zebra and a mare.

“You are Humble Pie, if I may pry?” said the zebra.

“Yeah?”

“Well, might I say, you ruined a good day with your wandering away.”

“I’m guessing you we’re at the convention in Ponyville?”

The zebra nodded.

“We’ll sorry about that, then.” Humble heard the name of his street over the speakers and got off before anything bad happened. Sheesh, it was just a convention, he thought. Humble went into the lobby and waved at the night lobbyist, who didn’t look up from her book. Wonder what she’s read—Aw, come on! Daring Do and The River of Gloom? Humble marched upstairs, muttering about weak writing, until he came to his front door. Getting his keys, Humble saw the bit Button had left. “Hey, free money.” He picked it up and while he examined he turn the door knob. “Maybe my luck’s starting to...change.” Humble stared at the sight of Daring holding a briefcase in her mouth , her eyes wide as saucers. Closing the door without looking back Humble frowned. “What are you doing here?”

Daring relaxed a little and put down her luggage. “I left my stuff...you look different.”

Humble squinted his eyes. “I haven’t shaved in a few days, on account of me being dragged on a boat and thrown into a hull. But what I really want to know is why you’re here.”

“I already told you.”

Humble gritted his teeth. “Please! I know why you're really here. You're here to look innocent after you paid for me to be foalnapped!”

Daring was taken back by this, but quickly took the offensive. “Where did you get an idiotic idea like that?”

Humble took another step forward, he felt his nose starting to fill up but ignored it. “Don’t play dumb. I just happen to get foalnapped a few moments after I see you in the first time for fifteen years? Sound kind of suspicious.”

“Yes, Humble, I paid for your foalnapping, risked exposing who I was, and looked for you.” Daring snorted. “Just because something sounds like it does, doesn’t mean it is.”

Humble grimaced. “Like saying you’re sorry?”  

Daring’s ears drooped. “You’re still on that?”

Humble suddenly started shouting. “Of course I’m still bucking on it! You left me in a swamp!”

“Oh, so just because you brought me to dinner and gave me a good light show, you think you own me?”

Humble felt a swollen feeling in his eyes, but suppressed it for a bit longer. “We had been together since we were foals. Had we lived together we would’ve been common law husband and wife, for Celestia’s sake. And owning you? Artemis, if anypony was dominant in our relationship, the obvious answer was you! I would have followed you to the ends of the freaking earth! But I guess that’s all I was to you, huh?” Humble turned around and took a deep breath. “A load too heavy for you and your grand adventures.”

“Well, maybe I didn’t want you on my adventures.” Daring took a step forward, feeling a sting in her eyes. “Maybe I wanted to be alone, you ever think of that?”

Humble didn’t have a good comeback, but something else came to mind instead. “Wait a second, you took your bags already when you left the first time. What are you really doing here?”

Daring looked to the side. “I thought you’d want this back.” She opened her bags and took out the compass Humble lost. “Here.” She held it out for him, but he just glared at it.

“Stealing things, too?” Humble roughly took it.

“Oh, for the love of Celestia, Humble! You’re acting like a whiny foal!”  

“I can act how I want to! This is my place, and you're not welcome here!” Humble looked to see if the compass was still working; the arrow pointed in Daring’s direction. Yeah right. “Damn thing’s broken.” Humble trotted to the windows, opened one, and threw the compass out into the dark alleyway below to Daring’s shock. “Good riddance.”

“What the buck did you do that for?” Daring watched Humble, who just took another deep breath. “Okay, I get it, you're angry—”

“Angry? No, furious more like.” Humble watched the still-lit windows of the other condos for a few seconds. “You still there?”

“Yeah.” Daring looked down. “Why?”

“I’m going to count to five, and by the time I turn around, you’d better be gone. For good.”

“Humble—”

“One.”

“For goodness sakes, Humble, at least let me explain—”

“Two.”

“Wait.”

“Three.”

“Wait a second. You called me Artemis. Not Dazzle.”

Humble stopped for a second, as if in thought, but shook it off. “Four...five.” He turned around to see no sign of Daring.

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