Where does one start to explain the inner workings of one’s mind to another? And before that how do you truly learn to understand yourself? I will not claim that either scenario should be viewed as simple. Think for a second about all the times that you came to realize that you have changed your opinion about something. Think about all the times that you’ve decided to forgive or all the times that you have been forgiven. Are not all of these times when you have learnt something about yourself or have changed as a person, and in turn you’ve come to understand yourself better? In understanding parts of ourselves we can share it with others, and then perhaps they can bring about an even deeper comprehension.

I’ve been told that our return to Herald’s roost caused quite the stir with the garrison there. Not only did we sail into a no fly zone by going over the wall, we did so with a ship that was registered to belong to one of the deserters. Ultimately it led to everyone getting detained until the full story had been told, which ended up taking a while since I was out cold in the beginning due to my injuries. And while I was rushed over to the medical facilities to treat the damage that hadn’t been possible to treat with a simple first aid kit the others had been forced to go through questioning. Of course I had later been subject to the same questions when I was once again awake and lucid. That had been a strange experience to say the least, sitting there in a bed almost completely wrapped in bandages answering one question after another. Most of the time my head had been somewhere else though, as I was fretting over what to say to the others. If anything was a fact it was that I definitely owed them and that I was the one to blame. However I had no clue of what was safe to share and what I should keep to myself. And when the time finally came that we were allowed keep traveling it came as a surprise to all of us that we had been allowed to keep the ship. Through some weird griffin law deserting apparently led to you losing the right to own anything and thus any previous possessions became everyone’s. To me it just sounded like a very roundabout way of saying finders’ keepers, however as a result we would be able to save quite a bit of time on our return trip. As a side note I promised myself that would read up on griffin law at some point since it seemed to be based off something completely different from what I was used to.

Whatever reason given I felt that it was a bit too convenient, and wondered just what strings had been pulled and for what reason. Not that I could take any time to ponder on the reason though, for the moment we all had boarded the ship again I was called to answer for my actions. I am not proud of the web of half-truths I wove that day, but in my mind it was a necessary evil. For how do you tell your friends that which had started out as a simple gamble to buy more time had turned into you losing yourself to the fight? More precisely losing yourself to the worst kind of emotions. I had not walked the path of the warrior that night, instead I had strayed onto the path of vengeance. So while they only got the barebones of what I had been doing at the very least my apology had been sincere. For I realized that without them I would’ve perished in that fortress, senselessly throwing away the second chance at life I had been given. And thus the circle of individuals that I owed my life grew once more.

If I make it sound as if the conversations about my actions had been calm I’m sorry for making it sound like that, truth be told they had been anything but. Lyra, Twilight and Rainbow had been furious with me, spending probably an hour divided between them shouting at me. And as I had nothing to say for myself I accepted it, after all their anger with me was justified. Lyra had actually been trying to hit me at one point but had been held back by Bonbon who had been with her at the time. Not all the reactions had been those of anger though, both Gilda and Bonbon had been incredibly worried for different reasons. I’ll guess I’ll start with Bonbon since it became apparent that I hadn’t hurt her nearly as much as I had hurt Gilda. When it came to Bonbon it boiled down to the fear of losing a friend or if read her correctly someone she was also rather infatuated with. My conversation with her had been one mostly consisting of reassuring words, promises that I would be fine and apologies. When it came to Gilda though how it had affected her wasn’t really apparent at first. The talk I had with her started off very similar as the one I had had with Bonbon, but ever so slowly I managed to unravel more of what she really felt. To put it bluntly she felt betrayed, she had trusted me to get everyone out safely and then I had gone and pulled that stunt. Our talk lasted long into the evening and I think that I got my sincere feelings through to towards the end, but a seed of guilt still remained inside me. Part of me knew that with time things would be okay again though, we had walked through the fire and emerged mostly unscathed. Even if things would be slightly awkward between us all for some time, having succeeded in saving Stella made up for all that in my book.

As for Stella, the experiences she had been put through had left their own scars on her. Nightmares plagued her most nights and she couldn’t even fall asleep without having either me or Gilda near her. It was a situation I could relate to all too well to, and had it not been for the fact that I felt the need to stay strong for the little griffin I may very well have had a relapse myself. So I would soldier on, despite the awkward atmosphere I would soldier on for her. In a way it wouldn’t be that different from what I had done for the longest of times, wearing a mask that is.

“You look terrible Cloud.” Nothing more than statement had been the opening line from Ranger when we finally reached the Rustfeather inn. Well it was the first thing he said to me anyway, before that he had been thoroughly occupied with hugging his daughters. But that simple sentence filled with gratitude had been a breath of fresh air for me. I knew he would’ve questions about how came to accumulate my injuries and he would without a doubt judge my actions. But for now we could just talk like we always had done before. He was after all one of the few I felt that I could completely drop my guard around. And perhaps now it was finally time for me to tell Ranger the full story of who I was.

“Yeah, I guess I do look terrible.” I agreed with a weak grin.

“Well don’t be strangers come on inside and we can all talk, like where you managed to get that ship for example.” Ranger said, nodding towards the ship that was anchored to a tree by the Rustfeather’s inn.

“We’ll gratefully accept that invitation Mr. Ranger.” Said Twilight before I could reply myself.

As a group we moved into the common room, and for some time we talked about happier things. Although that lasted only for so long, at one point Gilda went away with Stella to give the rest of us some time to relay everything that had happened to Ranger. What he received though was again a barebones version of our travels and the situations we had faced. Something that he seemed to pick up on rather quickly as he sought my gaze sometime during the middle of the explanation. All I could do though was to give him a near invisible nod, hoping that he would take the hint and don’t question the version he was getting right now. Since he didn’t say anything I could only assume that he got the hint, and before I knew it the day had already reached evening. For old times’ sake I had offered to prepare the meal for the evening but as it became apparent that my injuries hindered me from working at my normal efficiency in the kitchen it had turned into a joint task between me and Ranger.

“Say Cloud, I’m not impatient but when can I expect to know the full story of what happened?” Ranger asked sometime during the middle of our preparations.

I had been expecting something like this so I already had an answer. “You know that place out back?” I asked him, and he responded with a nod.

“Let’s meet out there later tonight and I’ll tell you everything.” I suggested.

Ranger once again responded with a nod since Bonbon chose that moment to enter the kitchen and ask if we needed any help. Seeing how Ranger and I had no good reason to turn her down she was put in charge of preparing a dessert. Together the three of us worked in almost perfect sync, and once the food began to get close to being done the rest joined in taking care of tasks such as prepping tables. What followed was a sort of victory feast you could say. With everything that had happened this was the first time we actually had even thought of just sitting down to dine and eat together without any worries for a long time. To make it short without too much elaboration it felt good to have life start to return to a more normal state. Well as normal as you could call living in a magical world filled with creatures that are supposed to myths at least.

Eventually the evening slowly came to an end, and one after one my friends excused themselves as they went to retire for the night. Last to go was Ranger and Gilda, the former carrying the already sleeping form of Stella. Before he left the room though he turned and looked over at me for a second, he didn’t need to do more than that I understood what he meant. So as soon as I heard him make his way up the stairs after Gilda I reached for the stick I had taken to using a crutch while my leg recovered. And soon I was outside heading down the familiar path to the area where I had spent so many nights this past summer. A plethora of memories slowly started to come back to life as I walked, including not only good ones but also those of my early struggles with my nightmares. And as I eventually reached my destination I turned my gaze up towards the starry autumn skies. I’ve come quite far these past months. I thought as I studied the skies. My nightmares while not completely beaten have lessened significantly and I have plenty of individuals that I trust. Rustling from the forest caused me to cease my pondering but I didn’t turn my gaze from the skies as I spoke.

“Do you remember what we talked about last time we met here?” I asked him.

“Aye, although neither of us could’ve predicted the turn of events that were about to follow though.” Ranger said as he walked up to stand beside me.

“Yeah, that’s true.” I replied, and for a time we just stood there gazing at the sky in silence.

“I believe it’s high time I told you my full story Ranger. I’ll warn you right now though the things I’m about to say may sound crazy and hard to believe but if you have doubts about it you can always confirm it with Twilight later.” I said, breaking the silence.

“Alright, then as promised I shall be the one to listen this time.” Ranger said, and I heard him sit down. For the time being I remained standing though, my eyes not leaving the skies.

“Well, it all began close to three years ago your time. I was heading home one stormy night when I got struck by a bolt of lightning…” I began to retell my tale from the start.

“…and that should cover all of the important parts up until now.” I finished my tale an unknown amount time later, but given how the moon had traveled across the night sky it must’ve been a couple of hours at least. I had told Ranger an almost unabridged version of everything that had happened up until this point, making him the one individual that knew the most about my schemes and secrets for the moment.

Ranger exhaled slowly. “You were right, your story is quite the tale and there’s quite a lot of unexpected darkness there as well. I will not judge you, it is not my place to so. Especially not regarding this last incident. Had it not been for my daughters safety I would probably have been tempted to do the same thing.” He said.

I let out a sigh. “Hmm, you might be right but in the end I was the one who lost sight of what was truly important back there. I have made mistakes before, but I truly believed that I had managed to leave this part of me behind.” I lamented.

“Cloud, you will stop that line of thinking right now.” Ranger said sharply.

“But-” I began but Ranger interrupted me.

“No, no buts. True you may have strayed a bit from what you had to do. Though in the end you can’t possibly deny that it’s a part of who you are, right?”

“But-” I said again.

Ranger chuckled. “I thought I said no buts. I know you Cloud, for you are similar to me in many ways. And probably not similar at all in an equal amount of ways, however if you strayed from your path that just means you have to adjust your heading and begin walking again.” He said as if stating the obvious.

Is it really something that simple? I thought, but the longer I pondered the more I came to see solution hiding in plain sight. It wasn’t a case of me truly worrying, but I guess I just had needed to hear it from another person. Someone that could reaffirm that I still could change for the better, or perhaps I viewed it as a way to justify my actions. Whatever it was I needed to stop thinking about or it would eat me up from inside.

“Aight, I’ll drop it. Now let’s talk about happier things. The quicker I can leave this behind me the quicker I can start focusing on living a peaceful life once more.” I said, switching to a grin.

“That’s the spirit!” Ranger agreed with a grin of his own.

“So, since everything is starting to get back on track do you mind if I ask you a question?” I asked, as another topic I had been thinking a lot about recently bubbled to the surface.

“No, go right ahead. Although before you do that could you hang on one second?” Ranger said as he reached around and started digging through a satchel he had brought with him. A few moments later he produced a bottle of some sort of amber liquid and a pair of glasses.

When he noticed my questioning expression his grin widened. “It’s been years since I brought out any type of liquor, but I thought to myself that this should be one of those times that warrants a bit of celebration.” He explained as he unscrewed the cap and poured a moderate amount into the glasses before offering me one of them.

I accepted the offered glass, studying the liquid for a second or two before taking a careful whiff of the contents. A pleasant aroma of brandy with a hint of lemon met nose, causing me to look over towards Ranger in surprise.

“This is some sort of lemon brandy isn’t it?” I asked the griffin to confirm that my classification of the liquor had been correct.

Ranger gave me an approving grin. “You got it on the first try, I wasn’t expecting someone as young as you to be able to tell that much from just the aroma. Well go ahead, try it.” He said.

I did as he had asked and found that the brandy in question held an interesting balance between sweet and sour before the familiar burn of the alcohol kicked in. “It’s good.” I said simply before taking another sip.

Ranger chuckled, taking a sip of his own. “It’s been a long time since I had someone to share a drink with. Taking care of Stella, Gil and the inn has consumed all of my time the past few years.” Ranger elaborated.

“Something tells me you wouldn’t have traded it for all the drinking buddies in the world though.” I told him with a knowing grin.

“Heh, right you are. Now I believe you had a question to ask?” Ranger replied.

“Well yeah, I’ve been thinking a bit the past few days. You know as well as I do that it will take time Stella to recover from this entire incident. So I wonder what your plans are?”

The grin on Rangers face faded into sad shadow of a smile. “Honestly Cloud I ask myself that too. I have played with the idea of taking both of them on a trip, just to get away from this inn for a while. I think it would do Stella good to not be in the place where she got kidnapped.” He said in a tired voice.

At his words an idea slowly unfolded its petals in my mind. “Then why don’t the three of you come live with me for a while?” I asked him.

Ranger blinked repeatedly in surprise, whatever he had thought I’d say this wasn’t it. “Come again?” He said.

“I said why don’t you come live with me? I have more than enough room and I knew a few quite skilled individuals that could aid in Stella’s recovery.” I repeated myself.

“I don’t know what to say Cloud, that’s a very generous offer.” Ranger began.

“Not any more generous than taking in a weird creature that collapses outside your inn.” I interjected casually.

Ranger looked like he wanted to reply but instead he sighed. “Point taken. I’ll have the girls pack the things they want to bring tomorrow so that we may leave around midday.” He said.

From there our conversation took a turn towards less serious things again and we stayed there just talking about whatever the different topics took us. When we finally returned to the inn the bottle of Brandy had gone from full to one tenth of the original content remaining. While both of we’re quite tipsy from the liquor I was at least sure that I would feel no repercussions when I woke up. So bidding each other good night Ranger and I split up at the top of the staircase. From there I carefully navigated myself to my old room to finally end the day.

The ship swayed gently as sea separating Equestria and Gryphus rushed past beneath the sky ship. Four days had passed since the reunion at The Rusty feather inn, and roughly three and a half days since we began the trip back. So far the weather had been a calm, with relatively favorable winds. But the weather was the least thing on my mind right now. For a reason I had yet to fully grasp the pain from my leg wound had started to lessen noticeably during the past two days. I could now move it much more extensively than I had been able to before without causing a pain spike, although it still hurt like a bitch if I tried to put my full weight on it. I wondered if I was beginning to experience some sort of effect of having a part of an alicorn soul or if the wound hadn’t been as bad as I had originally thought. Whatever the reason was I was grateful that I was regaining some mobility.

I turned from my spot at the bow of the ship and started to slowly make my way up towards the navigation deck. Right now Ranger had taken on the role of steering the ship seeing how he was the one that had had any kind of official training in controlling an air ship. I did want to learn for myself though and so observing Ranger did provide an excellent opportunity to do just that. Not to mention that he was the only other male I had been able to hold an extended conversation with ever since I came back to Equestria. Nothing against my other friends but you start to miss having another male to converse with pretty quickly. I stopped briefly to test how much weight I could put on my right leg as I reached the small stair leading up to the navigation deck. Seeing how it was basically unchanged from this morning I took extra care to not use my right leg as much when I ascended the staircase.

As I came up Ranger shifted his gaze towards me. “Howdy there Cloud, care to take over for a bit?” The older griffin asked

“Sure.” I replied as I hobbled over to take the helm.

“Ah thanks, I was getting pretty stiff just standing there.” Ranger explained as he stretched his limbs.

Ranger finished his stretching and turned to me once more. “So what brings you up here? Not that I mind.” He asked.

“Eh, you know. Same thing I’ve been doing the past few days. Observing how to properly fly this thing.” I said, giving wooden ship wheel a tap.

From that point on the short conversation devolved into something more akin to a study session. Or perhaps a hands on lesson on nautical maneuvering would be the best way to describe it. Nevertheless from that point the two of us focused mostly on the ship and how it worked, with the occasional break when someone of the others came up to ask something or just to talk. Besides taking an interest in the ship I did what I could for the Rustfeather family, more specifically I helped with what I could regarding Stella’s recovery. She was making progress, not noticeable from a day to day perspective perhaps but compared to the first few days after the rescue she had improved. On the topic of the general feelings of those involved though I had to say that morale was high, even Gilda and Rainbow seemed to have buried their past grievances to some degree. Although calling them friends was still a bit of a stretch as they tended to keep a somewhat cold professional stance to each other most of the time. This state of being more or less lasted until the very day when we finally made our approach to Canterlot.

While our only reason for visiting Canterlot was to get the Rustfeather’s proper clearance to stay for an extended period of time I had still tried to argue that we’d skip it. The two points I had brought up were that I myself still wasn’t recognized as a cititzen, at least I thought I wasn’t, and the fact that Gilda had bypassed the process once already. However Twilight wouldn’t have any of my arguments and had shot them down with a whole heap of laws and repercussions for breaking those laws. In the end I had to admit defeat, and in all honesty the reason I had wanted to avoid Canterlot hadn’t been because of the Rustfeathers. No, what I truly wanted to do was to minimize the risk of running into Celestia until I was fully healed. Speaking of my injuries, my leg had undergone such improvements that I now had no doubt that something was going on though I had no idea exactly what. From not being able to use the leg at all at first I could now limp along without the aid of a crutch and most of my bruising and the minor lacerations were gone completely. So beside the leg all I had to show was a bandaged arm where the griffin female’s claws had sliced me.

So when docked at the Canterlot harbor I decided to stay by the ship while Twilight led the Rustfeathers to fill out the appropriate forms. But standing around on the ship quickly turned into a rather boring task as I had been confined to its decks for many days already. So after exchanging a few quick words with Bonbon and Lyra, I got of the ship to slowly walk around the harbor area for a bit. For about twenty minutes I walked looking at the docked ships, pointedly ignoring most of the ponies who weren’t in my direct path. However seeing how I didn’t know how long Twilight would be gone I decided to head back to the ship. But after only about fifty meters of walking I started hearing gasps from all the ponies behind me. Confused as to why they suddenly started reacting to that extent at my presence I turned, but almost instantly wished that I hadn’t. There in all of her royal glory descended my marefriend, a fire burning in her eyes as I offered her a weak, slightly nervous, smile. A smile that withered further as she stalked up to me on angry hooves. I barely had time to see her horn light up before something slapped me across the cheek hard, making spots of light dance before my eyes.

“That was for lying about what you were going!” She exclaimed.

The next thing I knew though was a pair of lips meeting mine, something that I didn’t register immediately due to my dazed state.

“That was for your reasons for lying though.” She added in a softer tone as she broke the kiss.

I don’t think she noticed and to be honest neither did I at first since I was busy staring at the mare I loved, but all around us the ponies in the harbor had gone deathly quiet due to shock.

Author's Notes:

Alright chapter 20 is online. This chapter has received a few changes as to what I originally intended to do with it as well as a title change, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. I will say though that I'm not a hundred percent happy with it, but enough of that.

Here are some updates for the future though. As of the 19th of January 2015 I will be forced to spend less time on writing due to university studies and as direct result time between chapters is likely to increase. Please note though that I have every intention of finishing the story and we have reached perhaps a third or a fourth of what I had envisioned for this story.

Thank you for your understanding and I hope we'll meet in the next chapter that will have the working title, Settling in.