I stared at my crystal angrily as I continued to stand in the Canterlot throne room rather than being whisked back to my apartment. “Didn’t you hear me? Friendship is magic!” I shouted, shaking the black rock furiously as if that would make it work. After about a minute of this, I sighed in defeat. “Want to tell me what the hell is wrong with this thing?” I asked the royal pony glaringly.

Celestia regarded me with a disappointed look. “Your crystal does not have enough power to return you to Earth; you are trapped here until your crystal is recharged,” she explained.
I thrust my arm out expectantly. “Well, recharge it, then!” I demanded. “I have no interest in being here, nor do I want to help you with your problem!”

Celestia sighed heavily. “Would you at least let me explain why I brought you here?” she asked with an annoyed tone.
I rolled my eyes. “Won’t do you any good, but there isn’t anything stopping you,” I said grouchily.

Celestia took a deep breath. “Shortly after you left, my sister and I noticed that Allen was having these strange… outbursts. We do not know what was causing them, but they would cause him to act violently; sometimes he would simply become angry for a moment, and others…” she trailed off, extending her left wing to reveal it was wrapped in a cast-like bandage.

This caught my interest. “Allen did this?” I asked quickly, “Why?”
Celestia hung her head. “I do not know,” she said sadly. “My sister is worried about him, and we were hoping you would be able to help us,” she explained.
I shrugged. “Well, I don’t think I’ll be much help, but I guess I can talk to him,” I said slowly.

Celestia looked up, confused. “Talk to him?” she repeated, “No, we don’t need you to talk to him. We need you to find him.”
I scowled. “What?” I snapped, “you’re telling me Allen that isn’t even here?”
The solar princess nodded. “He’s been gone for almost a month now,” she explained. “I want you to go find him.”

I crossed my arms angrily. “I don’t think you understand what I’m saying: I am not going on any crazy adventures for your sake. I’m done doing you favors.”

Celestia nodded respectfully. “There is nothing I can do to force you to help us,” she said sadly. “If you would follow me, there is one thing I must ask you to do before I send you home,” she added hopefully.

I stared at the white horse. “And that is…?” I asked expectantly.

Celestia smiled warmly. “Would you join me and some friends for a meal before you leave?” she asked.
I stared at her, confused, and shrugged. “Well, if it gets me home that much sooner, fine,” I sighed, and followed her to the dining hall.

Had I known what was waiting for me, I would have refused.

I stared uneasily at the other ponies that sat at the table, who stared back expectantly. I knew these seven well; Princess Luna - Allen’s wife - and his six friends: Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Twilight Sparkle.

“Celestia,” I said in a low voice, “why are they here?”

Twilight spoke up, breaking the awkward silence. “Drayke, how has your life on Earth been?” she asked kindly.
I shrugged. “It’s been pretty good,” I said nonchalantly. “I haven’t had to worry about talking horses, or getting killed,” I added bitterly.

Rainbow Dash suddenly slammed her hooves on the table and glared at me. “Why aren’t you going to help Allen?” she asked angrily.
I rolled my eyes. “Look, ponies, I already explained to your princess, I am done helping you!” I snapped. “I do not want to be here, and I would rather not risk my life for the sake of some miniature horses anymore.”

“Now what are you talking about?” Applejack asked in her trademark cowboy accent, which in all honesty kinda annoyed me, “Allen is the one you’re helping out here; we’re just worried about him, is all.”
Fluttershy nodded. “You have to help him!” she cried, and then quietly added, “if that’s okay with you.”

I glared up and down the table at the ponies seated before me. “No, it’s not okay with me!” I laughed emptily. “I already told you, I’m not helping you guys any more, and I want to go home!”

Twilight glanced over at Celestia questioningly, and the white horse nodded slightly. Just then, I found myself thrown from my chair and slammed against the wall by an invisible force as Twilight trotted up to me.

“Now, you listen up!” she demanded. “Sure, you went with Allen to the Crystal Empire when he defeated Sanguis, but have you forgotten what you did to Equestria before that?” she asked expectantly.

I tried to shrug, but found even that small movement was restricted. “So what? I lived in the forest for about a year and got a god complex. It happens to everyone,” I replied nonchalantly. “Look, are you going to guilt-trip me, or are you going to send me home?”

Twilight flipped me onto my stomach and brought my face inches from hers. “You have done next to nothing but cause trouble for Equestria, and it’s about time you made up for it! Besides,” she said, a crafty grin tugging at the edges of her mouth, “let’s face it: you may be a jerk who claims to not care about anypony, but Allen is the closest thing you have to a friend.”

I opened my mouth to argue, but no sound came out. I hated to admit it, but she was right in some strange, twisted way. Allen was, in a “we’ve-tried-to-kill-each-other-a-few-times” way, the only friend I had. If he hadn’t let bygones be bygones after defeating Sanguis, I don’t know where I would be right now.

I glared at the purple horse that was holding me hostage. “Fine,” I growled through gritted teeth, which made her smile and return me to solid ground, “I’ll help you find him. But don’t expect me to do this for nothing!” I added. “I have a few demands before I depart on this epic quest.”

Celestia nodded, unsurprised. “And those would be…?” she asked slowly.

I cleared my throat. “Okay. First off, I want a cool outfit; if I’m going to be some kind of hero, I want to look the part. I know prissy white horse over there,” I said as I pointed a thumb at Rarity, who scoffed and rolled her eyes, “is good with that sort of thing. Secondly, I’m going to need a sword.” I said flatly. “A really cool sword.”

Celestia stared at me. “Anything else you require?” she asked expectantly.

I glanced around the room. “Uh…” I scanned the table until my eyes fell on the golden, jewel-encrusted goblet I had been drinking from, which I immediately grabbed. “This!” I cried triumphantly. “I want this.”

Celestia looked confused. “You want… a goblet?” she asked slowly.
I shrugged. “It looks nice,” I said flatly. “It would be a cool decoration in my apartment.”

Celestia nodded, closing her eyes tightly in annoyance. “It is done,” she sighed. “Rarity, how long will it take you to put some sort of outfit together for Drayke?” she asked the white unicorn.
Rarity thought about this. “Well, if I get started as soon as we get back to Ponyville, I could have it done as early as tomorrow morning,” she said proudly.

I nodded, satisfied. “You had better not make me look like a fruit,” I said quickly.
Rarity glared at me. “Believe me, darling,” she said sarcastically as she stood up and trotted towards the door, “you do not need my help do do that.”

I huffed angrily as the others followed suit. “Why you little...” I sputtered, but shrugged it off. As I walked past the table, I glanced down at the tablecloth; it was a silky white with gold trim on the edges. “I want this, too!” I called, grabbing a corner and pulling the massive piece of fabric behind me, causing the several dishes that sat on top of it to fall over. I dragged it behind me like a child would hold his blanket, and followed Allen’s friends out the door.

“So, he is the one we are trusting Allen’s safety to?” Luna asked her sister dryly.
Celestia nodded. “He may be a crude human, but I know there is goodness in his heart,” she said with certainty.

Luna nodded, unconvinced. “I’m not sure about this, Celestia,” she said slowly. “After all, this is the same human who imprisoned us over a year ago.”
Celestia gave her younger sister a serious look. “Yes, and he is also the same human who died for the sake of your husband, and was somewhat well-behaved during his stay here at the castle,” she said sternly. “He will change in time; you’ll see.”

Luna nodded. “I suppose you’re right. After all, Cadence was able to sense the good inside him. There must be something inside him that will convince him to do the right thing.”
Celestia smiled warmly. “Yes, and with my student and her friends by his side, he will see it too. Where is Cadence, by the way?” she asked, glancing around. “I expected she would be here to greet Drayke. She may have been able to make convincing Drayke easier.”

Luna shook her head sadly. “She hasn’t been the same since the battle,” she said. When Shining Armor died during Sanguis’s assault on the Crystal Empire, Luna had seen the utter agony in her niece's eyes; it looked as if she was seeing the poor alicorn’s soul torn in two right there. “I’m sure we’ll see her soon,” she added cheerfully. “Maybe when Allen returns, it will cheer her up some.”

Celestia nodded slowly. “I hope so,” she said uncertainly.

“What are you doing in my bed?” Twilight demanded angrily. I opened one eye to see her staring at me furiously as I lay on top of a rather comfortable mattress, wrapped in a soft blanket.

“Going to bed, of course,” I yawned lazily. “We have an adventure tomorrow, and I would hate to be tired when it starts.” With that, I rolled over so my back was facing her and smiled contently.

My comfort was interrupted, however, when an invisible force pushed me over the edge and onto the floor. “Your bed is in the other room,” she said angrily. “You can sleep there, or you can sleep on the floor,” she muttered as she lied down where I had just been relaxing.

I scowled. “You know what?” I replied, “I’m not even that tired. “I think I’ll go read a book.”
Twilight laughed. “You read?” she asked teasingly.

“Fuck you,” I shot back as I headed for the stairs.