Tick… tock… tick… tock…

The clock atop the wall ticks and tocks away in the relative silence of the room; Princess Bluebelle’s words have, at this point, devolved into Charlie Brown style ‘whaws’ to my green ears. My focus lay not with her, of course, but instead on the true center of attention at this table; the seemingly attentive Prince Solaris at my side.

His all encompassing autumn red mane blow on an unseen and equally unfelt wind as he gazes at Bluebelle. I can tell that he wasn’t actually paying attention to her, despite his blue eyes' focus and despite the trained smile that graces his bearded muzzle. In opposition to what I can actually see, and regardless of the impossibility of the angle, I know with a hundred percent certainty that I have his complete and undivided attention, not her.

Or, more specifically, my writing claw does.

The Prince’s request hangs heavily in my mind. ‘Entertain, educate, share with me your troubles...’ These weren’t simply suggestions, I know. This is a test.

… N-no I’m not being paranoid! Really I’m not! You don’t know him like Dusk and I do! He’s always giving ponies, and dragons, little hidden tests like this casually without a second thought. Even worse, he rarely tells you the results, making you question whether you were being tested at all!

… I’M NOT BEING PARANOID!!

Ugh, great. Now I gave myself another headache. Dusk and I had a back and forth about this in the past, you see. He doesn’t believe me on this fact and… well… it’s made me come off as just that; paranoid.

… Maybe that’s actually a blessing in disguise, now that I think about it. I won’t be able to alter specific episodes, like that one about the ticket, if Dusk keeps listening to me as often as he does now. That might be fine in cases such as the aforementioned ticket; it’s a lesson he needs to learn, after all. That might not be fine in the case of the Canterlot Wedding though, where I’ll be forced to sit back and watch events transpire as they must instead of contributing...

…

… Solaris I wish I could write all this down in my journal right now, to get it out of my head… but I can’t because Solaris himself is reading over my shoulder!

Internal panicked screaming intensifies.

Tick… tock… tick… tock...

Aaaannnndddd to make matters worse the clock, is, ticking. I can’t just not write something! Soooo, um, er… w-well… What to do what to do?!

…

… M-maybe… Maybe I should just write amusing BS for now? Like, ‘In a Galaxy far far away’, or the like? I can always continue this journal at another time in private…! Wait... now that I think about it... I can easily get petty revenge on him if I wanted to! He’s basically my captive audience right now, right? I could put him between a rock and a hard place without any actual effort! Like, I could leave him with the choice of actually listening to Princess Blue-pain in the flank-belle and her migraine inducing voice, or instead reading whatever the heck I want him to read! Heh, it wouldn’t take long for me to recreate the nastiest filth I can think of and torture him with it. ‘“Why don't you like to be touched" Ana whispered, staring up into soft grey eyes.’

…

...

… Though I try to smother it, though I try to ignore it and pretend it wasn’t there... a tiny voice in the back of my head suddenly speaks up to me.

Barb… No... You can’t do that to him… He’s still your friend.

… My ‘friend’ who wanted me as nothing more than a maid my whole life, you mean.

Barb…

Who couldn’t even see the error of his ways until somedragon grew the balls to chew him out.

Barbara…

Who didn’t actually change his ways until you declared to him that you weren't a goddamn sla-

Barbara D. Burns!

…

… You’ve forgiven him for that.

…

You can’t keep holding on to that hate.

…

… Breathe.

After a time, I do just that. She-, I’m right. I-I’m right… It’s not healthy to hold grudges. Not at all… Not while I’m a long-living dragon. I shouldn’t act like the child I am.

… It still bothers me though, how he first treated me. I wish I could write it out. I wish I was able to rid myself of these thoughts by jotting them down like I normally do, or I wish I could simply move past them all together.

Solaris doesn’t deserve my hate, not really. Despite his manipulative nature, I know that his heart is full of both goodness and love for others as well as a deep seated guilt. He’s already suffered a thousand years because of his actions towards his brother, I remember. I have no right, or need, to add more to that already massive pile. Granted, tonight a bit of that guilt will be lifted as Dusk reunites the two, just as Twilight did for Celestia and Luna, but I know that he’ll still have his failings towards me weighing him down. I can see it in his eyes; alongside whatever other guilt he harbors towards his past apprentice’s actions and others, he’ll still be burdened heavily after today.

I don’t want to add more to that pile. Despite everything; despite his actions and methods, and despite whatever newfound suspicion he now has towards me… he’s still one of the first few friends I ever made here, and one of the reasons why I chose to continue living this new life of mine at all. Without him, Dusk, and Gleaming by my side I would have seen this second life as worthless, pointless, and ultimately… easily discardable.

...

… Perhaps now’s the time to finally return the favor.

Moving with purpose, my mind having finally been made up, my quill begins to dance across the parchment.

I will be continuing my journal then, your Majesty.

Please Barbara, you needn't waste written words on me. Pretend as though I am not even here.

As you wish, though I feel a bit of context is necessary. I have been writing a journal in my spare time, cataloging everything that I remember about my birth until this day.

Whatever for, may I ask?

You may. My reasoning is that I fear my memory will begin to grow foggy as I continue to grow. Years from now I will be hundreds of ages old; I’d like to be able to remember the friends I’ve made along the way over my large lifespan. I felt that getting into the habit of writing a diary would help to alleviate my worries. A journal is the natural first step.

I see. Your draconic nature worries you?

Yes sir, ever since I was first made aware of what it meant in the long run.

It shouldn’t though, dear; not to a young lady such as yourself. Take it from an old coot like me, friends will forever remain in your heart, no matter the time apart. Intellects like Dusk Shine and proud mares like Captain Gleaming Shield aren’t so easily forgotten in minds such as ours. To this I can assure with confidence.

Thank you, sir. I suppose it goes without saying that you’ll be with me during the more difficult years?

To this I swear, dearest Barbara the Dragoness. Even if Dusk were to stray from my sight and you to follow, the two of us shall remain friends.

Thank you again, sir. I will continue on with the journal now. I’m at age three currently, describing my time with the Bluebelles and how I came to be Dusk’s assistant earlier than what was intended.

I see.

I’m building up to the moment of your first check up with me. The real first one, not the one that you were unable to attend. Please, before you take over my han- claw again to reply, know this; I’ve since forgiven you. I tell you this a lot, but it is the honest truth. My life now is one of my choosing.

Then it is my turn to thank you. So engrossed in Dusk’s growth was I that I failed to see the suffering I was causin-

With a literal slap on the wrist, I wrestle control of my claw out of the Prince’s magical grip and back into my own.

Please don’t blame yourself over it any longer, your Majesty. Please. My own heart has become heavy with the guilt I’ve caused you, just as your own has towards me. Perhaps this chapter will actually help you more than you’d assume it would. Let me write down what my life was like back then so you can clearly see just how deep my anger towards you that day actually was. Let me show you what had prompted my outburst on that day, and allow me to cast your worries aside. My ‘hatred’ of you isn’t as bottomless as it seems.

My time with the Bluebelles was a time of great education, as well as great strive. I simply went through the motions mostly; eat, study, practice, serve, sleep, eat, etc. It was the same thing day in and day out, without any breaks or any love. Missus Red, the mare who trained me, was one whip crack away from being a literal slave driver. She was there to assure the Duchess that all her employees were not only doing their jobs but also doing them perfectly. Perfection perfection perfection; this was just one of the many mottos pressured into my mind back then. I always tried my best to reach that impossible goal of course, lest I be punished, but I was only three years old. So much was expected of me simply because of what I was what I am.

There would be days where the impossible was asked of me; these were the days I dreaded most of all. I’d be asked to run when my body forced me to waddle, or be tested on a subject I knew next to nothing about. The physical side was grueling but the educational side of the experience, where I’d be brought to the Bluebelles’ personal library to read books, was my one sanctuary from the whole affair. Through books I could be free, but it was always a fleeting respite; I could never take out the books for later or read the ones of my choosing, only the ones I was suppose to read were read.

‘Choosing’ wasn't a luxury I was granted a whole lot of in general, now that I think about it.

My sleeping hours were arranged, as was my meals and as was my schedule. What I wore to be visibly appealing to the mistresses, where I had to be and what times, what was to be done once there and how long; it was like I was a chi- I understand this is how it is for most foals in normal families, but it felt even more constrictive than that.

The worst part of it all though, even more so than the low sleeping hours and strict schedule and the cruel taskmaster, was the fact that I was all alone. I was alone the entire time. I made no friends in that house; was surrounded by ponies who either looked at or treated me funny, a Duchess and a Princess who saw me as nothing more than another servant, and all the while Dusk Shine, the one and only pony I was close to in thi- the world back then, never showed up. Not for Hearth’s Warming or Winter Wrap Up; even my birthday wasn’t important enough to warrant a ‘hello’. I learned much later on that this was because of Princess Bluebelle’s thoughtless actions, her having thought Dusk was nothing more than a commoner trying to sneak in at the time, but I didn’t know this until we were reunited. I felt abandoned up until then.

And then, it happened; our scheduled first check up, Prince Solaris. You know this; I was to be brought forward before you and evaluated once a year, as was the plan. You were supposed to either confirm or deny that the process was going as smoothly as you wanted it to go and then adjust it accordingly afterwards. I saw the date as my ticket out of the whole situation, thus I religiously checked the calendar in anticipation for that fated day.

But you ended up cancelling it at the last minute; cancelled for the Running of the Leaves, of all things. It was never rescheduled.

I was waiting to point out that I was miserable to you that day. I was waiting for my chance to be set free. Being denied that opportunity, being forced to endure that home for another complete year; this is where my ‘hatred’ for you was born, sir. It wasn’t a deep seated hatred, built upon years and years of imagined pain and misery; it was simply one year. For one year I turned you into a villain in my mind; for one year I had a face for my anger and distaste. Each passing day that ‘hatred’ would grow. Days turned into weeks and into months, and that anger kept growing. I blamed you for everything; my position, my loneliness, my sore body, even my own shortcomings.

A candle; that’s how I would describe it. The incident caused the spark that lit it ablaze. As time went on more and more of my tolerance, my ‘wax’, began to ebb away. The blaze stayed just as bright as the day I was ‘scorned’; it never grew past the constraints placed upon it. It wasn’t a mighty flame on a hearth; it didn’t consume everything in its path, leaving nothing but ashes behind. It was small and weak and barely lit up a room.

Still though, when we met again for that first real meeting, all my ‘wax’ was gone. All that remained was nothing but the light’s slowly dying embers.

The embers were enough to stir me though; enough to burn brightly in my eyes. The anger you displayed that day was much more potent than you give it credit. I’ve seen griffons be more civil during war room meetings. To think you were able to sum it all up in only three words. Most impressive, child.

Enough about that though. This has been quite informative thus far, but I believe a break is in order. I also believe that the time has come for us to finally have our tea.

“...is completely and utterly filthy. And my final point, number two hundred and four, is that more important elderly folk live here in Canterlot then they do in Ponyville! Giving them the honor of seeing the most important sun rising in a thousand years is a no brainer, Uncle, especially considering that this might potentially be their last one... Well, I rest my case!”

“Humph. Finally...”

“... What was that, Uncle Sol?”

“Nothing, dear niece. Nothing at all.” Standing up atop his long and powerful legs, the sun lord cracks his neck briefly before continuing in a neutral manner. “This has been most informative, my little Princess... but I’m afraid arrangements have already been made for Ponyville to host the celebration this year.”

“Bu-”

“They have already spent their allocated bits for the event, and the inns are already booked up with out of town visitors. I wouldn’t want to disappoint them.”

“But-”

“And the Mayor and I have already rehearsed out parts! It would be rude to back off now… I’m afraid my hooves are tied, dear.”

“B-but, but Uncle!” begs the unicorn, sounding desperate. “You have to move it here! Because… b-because…”

A warm and knowing smiled suddenly appears on Solaris’ lips, catching Bluebelle off guard.

“... Because it just so happens to be you birthday today?” the stallion spoke simply, smile never changing.

Bluebelle remains silent.

“I’ve not forgotten, child,” reassures the alicorn with the slow wave of his forehoof. “You’ve requested last year’s event to take place here as well. And the one before that, and that, etc. ... Did your mother send you a card today, by the way? Just as she did last year?”

“... Yes, sir…”

Solaris nods his head in understanding. “That’s lovely. You should really write her back when you get the chance.”

Though her eyes dart my way briefly, the Princess’s head slumps and lowers in obvious defeat. “B-but… Uncle...”

“... I’m sorry,” says the Prince once it became apparent that Bluebelle had nothing left to say. “I must see to my other arrangements now. I can’t be held up any longer…”

With a clip and a clop, the stallion quickly and gracefully rounds the table to the young mare’s side and then lowers his head to hers, gently nuzzling the side of her face in a show of pony affection.

“Happy birthday still,” he whispers soothingly into her ear, visibly improving her gloomy disposition. “I’m sorry I can’t attend once again, but I promise we will have a nice little dinner at the next possible convenience. Would that be alright with you?”

“... I-it would, Un-... Prince Solaris. I would appreciate that a lot.” Leaning her head closer into the embrace, Bluebelle smiles genuinely and enjoys the contact for but a moment longer before stepping away and righting herself out. With a stammer, she hurriedly declares “I’ll… I-I’ll be seeing you then, your Highness.”

Prince Solaris’ smile continues to glow softly.

“Of course.”

Hastily leaving her seat and trotting to the door, only remembering to bow at the last possible second, Princess Bluebelle finally leaves the Prince’s bedchamber. I wave to her a silent and polite goodbye as she does, my claw only lowering once the door shut completely behind her… Perhaps I’ll need to change my opinion of her being a simple one note character...

Not right now though.

Right now… r-right now the room I’m in is inhabited by no one else but the Prince and I.

… Uh oh.

“Goodness me,” the stallion begins after a time, drawing my nervous attention. “I'm glad that's finally settled. One less thing for me to worry about today..."

Pop!

A sudden blinding golden flash of magic forces me to close my eyes for a brief second. When I open them again, I discover the table before me transformed. It now possesses a cloth covering, white as the Prince’s coat and filled with elegant designs. Atop this cloth rests an equally beautiful twin set of teacups, made of the finest china and garnished with enchanting Neighponese artwork. A steaming tea kettle stands alongside them, piping hot and ready to serve. A small bowl of assorted emeralds is nestled next to my writings and purse on my side of the table. On the Prince’s side…

… lay a familiar, horse head branded, book.

“Now then,” Solaris spoke up as his horn went to work with serving us tea. My own cup is filled and levitated over to me while the Prince himself settles into his once occupied spot. Sitting down in what was once Bluebelle’s seat, the alicorn closes his eyes and savors a long swig of his filled cup. Though his smile is bright and cheerful when he finally finishes his first sip, it slowly begins to change into a… sinister atmosphere right before my eyes. It feels as though the temperature in the room is beginning to drop around me; every second longer it took for this pony to open his eyes again is another complete decimal dropping. It takes all of my willpower not to begin shaking on the spot as Prince Solaris of Equestria finally opens his eyes fully and aims them squarely at me.

“... let’s talk about this book, shall we?”