Twilight slowly reads a book
by Michael Hudson
First published
Twilight reads a book.
Twilight reads an EXCITING book! Join her on this literary adventure!
Reviews:
"Jumbled has won at FIMFiction" - Syeekoh
"Well, we know that whoever approved this one is the weak link who allows the trollfics" - hockeygoalie1992
"Bumblebees taste like fruit juice" - Shalrath
"I have achieved enlightenment. I am weeping tears of terrified joy."-TOW
"This is one of those things that makes you want to bury the claw end of a hammer in the writer's genitalia." -Mythril Moth.
Chapter 1
It was a dark stormy night with winds as powerful as tanks knocking against the treehouse of the ever infamous and highly regarded Princess Alicorn Twilight Sparkle.
Chapter 2
She was just laying down on her wondrous sheets and wearing her normal silk pajamas.
Chapter 3
She had reading to do, and though the book did not look interesting, Princess Celestia had assigned it so she had to read it.
Chapter 4
She opened the book and her eyes scanned the page.
Chapter 5
Page after page passed and her eyelids grew heavy as the hours sinked by.
Chapter 6
Hour after hour, page after page, the time passed unbearably slowly for the tired alicorn.
Chapter 7
She yawned and spent a moment looking down at her small, scaled assistant.
Chapter 8
He had been able to go to bed when she had wanted, only shortly after having received her book.
Chapter 9
Now she sat here, wanting to sleep but being unable.
Chapter 10
Thus she continued.
Chapter 11
On and on the book continued, reciting pointless fact after pointless fact.
Chapter 12
At least facts I have already read a hundred million times before.
Chapter 13
She sighed and turned the page.
Chapter 14
And the next page.
Chapter 15
And the next page.
Chapter 16
Suddenly, she turned the page.
Chapter 17
Twilight facebooked the book and pushed it to the side.
Chapter 18
She wanted to rest, and maybe she could afford just a moment or two.
Chapter 19
A simple few moments…
Chapter 20
Grumble.
Chapter 21
“Damnit!”
Chapter 22
Twilight immediately moved off of her bed and swiftly trotted down the stairs, each hoof resounding within the dark treehouse.
Chapter 23
Her horn glowed bright to illuminate the nice wooden furniture.
Chapter 24
She went into her kitchen and licked her lips when her eyes happened upon some cake from a party with Pinkie earlier that night.
Chapter 25
Now if only it hadn’t left me so drained.
Chapter 26
She picked it up and bit into her lip.
Chapter 27
Twilight had had so much to eat earlier that day, and this could upset the peculiar balance of her normal dietary system.
Chapter 28
She shrugged and slammed a hoof into the counter to flip the cake into the air.
Chapter 29
She opened her mouth wide, her jaw stretching to its absolute maximum and chomping down on the moist chocolate cake.
Chapter 30
Twilight shuddered in almost ecstasy as she savored the flavor.
Chapter 31
Her saliva mixed with the glorious pastry and melted it in almost a minute.
Chapter 32
More like 54 seconds, but I suppose close enough.
Chapter 33
She thanked her messy style of eating as she licked her lavender muzzle, enjoying each sweet morsel of sweet frosting.
Chapter 34
With her snack devoured, Twilight slowly trotted up the stairs.
Chapter 35
She had given herself enough of a break and now had to get back to her book.
Chapter 36
Her extremely boring, annoying, aggravating, book.
Chapter 37
She opened the book and a small pain in her head told her that her superior intellect to most was already to the point of rejecting such dreck.
Chapter 38
She shook her head furiously and continued to read, against her minds warnings.
Chapter 39
On and on she read, never ending the sheer torture she had been assigned.
Chapter 40
The horror of the book knew no rest.
Chapter 41
Well it did know rest, or perhaps not.
Chapter 42
I mean the horrors never began in the first place.
Chapter 43
It would have been so much better if it had horror.
Chapter 44
Or plot.
Chapter 45
Or anything of interest, especially seeing as I am being forced to read this!
Chapter 46
“Argh!”
Chapter 47
Spike jumped as Twilight let out her raucous and rough scream into the heavens.
Chapter 48
“Jeez Twilight, with a scream like that, you might just pierce the heavens or something.”
Chapter 49
Spike curled back up, his short tail wrapping around the small body.
Chapter 50
Unfortunately, because of his annoyance, the shovel shaped end slapped into his eye.
Chapter 51
“Ow.”
Chapter 52
“Don’t hurt yourself Spike. Only one of us should be in agony tonight.”
Chapter 53
Twilight curled herself back up tighter.
Chapter 54
She was cold at this point and the cacophony outside was driving her insane.
Chapter 55
She glared at the world outside, cursing the fact that she could not control and force the elements under her control.
Chapter 56
Yet at least.
Chapter 57
Yet.
Chapter 58
So onwards she read.
Chapter 59
Page by page by page by page.
Chapter 60
Wait.
Chapter 61
Sorry, Twilight was swatting at a lady bug that had landed on her bed.
Chapter 62
Now she continues to read page by page by page by page.
Chapter 63
She stopped as she got to the next chapter, needing to shake her head to try to clear the pain building behind her eyes.
Chapter 64
“Someone just end this already.
Chapter 65
Please?”
Chapter 66
Twilight moved to push the book away.
Chapter 67
It had no use to her and Celestia must have known that.
Chapter 68
However, this page was titled "Necromancy and all of its wondrous uses!”.
Chapter 69
Twilight’s eyes lit up at the mention of new magic and leaned in close.
Chapter 70
The veins in her eyes could be seen as she almost pressed her face back into it.
Chapter 71
The page read, Necromancy is merely a filly’s tale meant to scare little ponies.
Chapter 72
All unicorns who study it are stupid, and therefore, seeing as you are probably begging this to be of even the slightest interest, you are stupid.
Chapter 73
Continue reading please for our four thousand word description of paint drying for five minutes.
Chapter 74
We will continue to explain this process as it dries for nine hours.
Chapter 75
Twilight’s eyes twitched.
Chapter 76
Twitched again.
Chapter 77
Rage burrowed deep within the mare now grew, growing more powerful by the moment.
Chapter 78
She had had enough.
Chapter 79
This book now mocked her and would pay for the transgression.
Chapter 80
Her mind flashed a thousand different ideas from banishment to being forced to be put into the Apple family toilet.
Chapter 81
Which was an outhouse.
Chapter 82
However, she decided that the classic approach to book destruction would be best.
Chapter 83
She threw the book into the air, her eyes glowing bright white.
Chapter 84
Magic filled the room and Spike was rudely awaken as Twilight hovered in the air.
Chapter 85
More and more power grew in the tree.
Chapter 86
It threatened to break the house, wrend it from its roots and destroy the poor house.
Chapter 87
Finally, the spell was cast.
Chapter 88
The book lit on fire, burned up in five seconds, and then the ashes quickly disappeared.
Chapter 89
She had done it.
Chapter 90
She had destroyed the book.
Chapter 91
The book was the bane of her existence, and she had destroyed it.
Chapter 92
Burned it to ashes.
Chapter 93
Murdered literature.
Chapter 94
She smiled at having murdered the terrible book.
Chapter 95
It was horrible.
Chapter 96
No good.
Chapter 97
Very bad, even.
Chapter 98
She almost wished she hadn’t burned the book so that she could repeatedly punch it over and over for being so miserable to her.
Chapter 99
But no, the book had to be murdered so that nopony would have to suffer what she went through.
Chapter 100
Twilight let out a content sigh, and curled up in her bed.
Chapter 101
She was asleep very quickly, a content smile on her face.
Chapter 102
Her dreams were filled by the only dreams that a mare in her predicament could have.
Chapter 103
The only type of dream that anyone in this predicament could have.
Chapter 104
She dreamed a dream, of that there was no doubt.
Chapter 105
However, the dream of millions of facts and books, being punched, doused, and then burned as high as the sky (or her when she has the extra bits) was beautiful.
Chapter 106
However, then the problem came.
Chapter 107
Facts pushed the glory out.
Chapter 108
Boring mundane facts.
Chapter 109
About what?
Chapter 110
Only the most horrible, frightening, boring thing ever.
Chapter 111
So there she sat in her dream, thinking only about how paint may have dried for nine hours.
Chapter 112
Twilight woke up screaming.
Chapter 113
She couldn’t take it, she had to know.
Chapter 114
It would haunt her until she died.
Chapter 115
The bookstore manager was glad to see her, but not so glad as every book was ripped from its shelving.
Chapter 116
Finally, she had it back in her possession, and she was going to READ IT!
Chapter 117
And there she sat, for hours, reading about how paint dried.