As far as postings went, Jack could have asked for worse. Of course, he had been in worse, but that was besides the point. He'd been stitched up with magic, and having been put on the express lane for healing, the princesses saw fit to shove him out the door. Celestia wanted him out of the castle when he dealt with the rest of the assassins, and she was going to sniff out the root of it. It was all going to be worth it.

At least, that's what he repeated to himself inside his head as he sat on a train to Ponyville and sat in the same car as all the girls. The only saving grace his mind had was that he was seated across from a tiny dragon who had asked him, in reverence, which comic he had come from. Jack was beginning to become insanely thankful that ponies hadn't had much access to firearms before his coming, as nobody questioned why he would need a Rheinmetall MG3 and a Milkor grenade launcher loaded with frag. They did, however, question what they were. After the first question of what's that machine do? and the subsequent response of this machine kills communists, Jack learned to keep his mouth shut in such regards as he sat through a lesson on peaceful diplomacy and why you shouldn't kill people. It was all Jack could do to not blow his own brains out as Pinkie turned the lesson into a musical that the entire train joined in on.

Pulling his helmet on and slouching into his seat with his helmet's external audio pickups shut off allowed Jack to catch a well deserved nap. He awoke to Spike tapping idly at his visor, and an empty train car. With a muted curse for the baby dragon's sake, Jack stood and hefted his burgeoning backpack and followed Spike out of the train. That was of course, after, he'd rang his helmeted head off the door frame as he walked out.

The girls were waiting outside, apparently having an excited conversation with Twilight and one Maximilian. The other human recoiled at the sight of Jack and his kit, before snarkily asking “Are you expecting trouble, Staff Sergeant?”

“I'm always expecting trouble, and it's Knight Captain now.” Jack popped his helmet off and stuck a cigarette into his mouth, which immediately earned a shocked look and a set of puppy eyes from Max. Perking a brow, Jack pulled the smoke from his lips just prior to lighting up. “What? I know my face ain't pretty anymore, but it's rude to stare.”

Max's face reddened slightly as all attention shifted to him momentarily, but Jack soon found himself at center of attention as the girls crooned and reassured him that he was still a handsome man despite the fat scars all over his ugly mug. Once the attention had passed and the girls had retreated to the treehouse library, Max sidled up beside Jack again. “I… do you have any more cigarettes?”

Slowly cracking a grin as he puffed, Jack pulled out a crumpled pack of Marlboros. “So now you decide I'm worth your time. I see how it is.”

“What do you mean dude?” Max blinked at him with visible confusion, which only served to annoy Jack as he held the cigarette out to Max and subsequently lit it.

“...Never mind man. Let's get this crap over with.”

“Why are you here?” Max questioned again as Jack readjusted his pack and weapons. “Are the girls in trouble? Do you really think a machinegun is the right thing to bring?”

Snuffing out his smoke on the bottom side of his boot, Jack glanced to the other man. “Nope. I'm just a hoplophile. Can't sleep unless I'm spooning an anti-tank gun.”

“I'm not sure I understand… Why bring so many guns to a peaceful diplomacy mission? Twi said that the Breezies were having trouble gathering food for winter, so I don't see why… this.” Max gestured toward Jack.

Smiling as unconvincingly as he humanly could, Jack hefted the MG3 over his shoulder and let it's belt rest over his chest. “Because the Princesses think it's funny to watch me squirm, and like I said, I'm always expecting trouble.” He started for the door, only to be waylaid. Again.

“So is that how you solve all of your problems? With a gun?” Max was beginning to sound derisive, and Jack's patience was running thin far too quickly.

“Sometimes I use my boots or hands. Marine Corp teaches you all sorts of applications for problem solving.”

“If you say so.” Max kicked at the dirt as he finished the smoke, just as Twilight stuck her head out the door.

“Are you two going to come in some time today? Rarity is making tea.”

Max shook his head, and began to answer “Not yet, I'm going to chat with Ja-”

Only to be cut off as Jack strode forward toward the door. “I love tea!” He fought to keep the grin off his features as Max stared at his metal backside while it disappeared into the house. Jack knew he was in for a mental beating the moment he entered the little tree house, but it would be worth it for that teeny tiny little smidgen of payback he'd just scored. As he stepped inside, Jack was pleasantly surprised by the amount of headroom within the main lobby. “Oh, this is pleasant.” He murmured to himself as he set his pack down and leaned his weapons against the wall. He began mentally gauging the library against attacks. The consensus wasn't good, but he hoped he could engage the assassins outside of town, where it wouldn't result in a report the size of his head in thickness regarding the discharge of automatic weapons in a non-combat area filled with skittish civilians. Celestia had threatened him once with it, and it had curbed any desire he had to test his weapons anywhere but the designated range.

Disengaging his armour, Jack pried himself free from the suit and began stretching while he was watched. One of the girls made a quiet purr, but went silent as he finished limbering up his limbs and took a seat at the small table. Twilight smiled brightly at him. “Well, welcome to my home, Knight Captain.”

“It's a nice place. Very… tree-ee.” Jack drummed his fingers idly as Max entered the library and made a mildly surprised noise.

“Mm, so that stuff does come off.”

“Sure does bud.” Jack relaxed as the tea came in, but soon averted his eyes from the sight of Max and Twilight playing tonsil hockey. “Great…” He muttered quietly as the other girls looked elsewhere and busied themselves. Deciding to be an utter ass, Jack leaned on the table towards a rather unhappy looking Dash. “Makes you wonder if she tastes like mint or something.”

The absurdly loud snort and unwomanly gigglefit that Dash let out canned any idea that Jack's would be a quiet snark, but still served the purpose of seeing both Max and Twilight go bright cherry red. “Y’all should see ‘em when we're not busy, can't pry ‘em offa each other.” AJ mentioned idly as the pair separated and coughed. AJ’s smile faded slightly as Jack only responded with a grunt toward her.

Smirking as Dash continued to giggle, Jack decided to go one further. “Max, you better be careful when you guys make out. I'm watching your cheeks bloat like a chipmunk's. Y’might choke if she gets any more frisky.” His smirk grew to a bastard grin as Dash cackled and fell over, and Pinkie joined in simply because there was laughter.

Thankfully for the horribly embarrassed pair, Rarity trotted in with a tea set, only to see Dash on the floor fighting for breath, Pinkie giggling like a loon, AJ chuckling mildly, and both Max and Twilight trying to hide their faces while Jack grinned happily and waved.

“Hey there darlin’.” He grinned just a little wider. “You're missing my comedic genius.”

Setting down the tea set, Rarity flashed him a smile. “I'm sure I'll see my fair share. Now, has Twilight told you about the Breezies?”

“I don't even know what those are.”

Sighing, Rarity rolled her eyes as she floated filled tea cups to everyone at the table. “Too busy with Max?” Rarity asked quietly as the pair in question drank their tea and the others chattered loudly.

“Mhm. Young love. So, tell me about the Breezies. What kind of trouble should I expect?”

“None, I would expect. Not from the Breezies. They're so small they can fit in your hoof. They sent a rather tiny letter to Celestia about having trouble gathering enough magic for the winter, and something about a rival tribe of some sort. Twilight would know more, dear.” Rarity's eyes fluttered as Jack gave her a brief scritch on the back of the neck.

“I think that'll do for now. Thanks Rares.”

“Mmmm~ Any time, Knight Captain~.” Rarity shuddered, and shifted to put more weight on one of her legs to keep it from kicking.

“Havin’ fun over there you two?” AJ asked briskly as she prodded her untouched tea.

With his smile thinning to a facade, Jack shrugged at the cowpony. “Miss Rarity was just informing me of the mission, as nobody else has.”

“Oh! I'd love to tell you the quest Princess Celestia gave us!” Twilight chirped happily, her previous embarrassment seemingly forgotten. Sighing softly, Jack nodded to her and endured the long winded quest explanation, which was followed by an in depth explanation of Breezies, their magic, and the surrounding area. Jack struggled to glean the tactically important parts from most of it all, and by the end he was one of the few still awake. He prided himself on that, if only just.

It was decided that they'd set out that day, as everybody was ready for a camping trip and they could probably hit the edge of the Orange Leaf tribe's territory by nightfall. Pleased with the idea, Jack did his best to champion it, if only to get them as far away from the town as possible for when the attack came.

The walk was an easy, and pleasant one, or at least, it was for Jack, Dash and AJ. The others had to deal with rough terrain, cold winds, and heavy backpacks. Spike seemed to suffer the worst as he took up Rarity’s large burden of luggage. After the first kilometers, Jack fell back and took the reins of the small wagon. With Spike riding his shoulder opposite his micro rocket launcher, Jack was kept entertained as he tested how much stuff Spike could burn before developing coughing fits.

“So… okay. It's all about pressure, so try and pretend that you're blowing air. Pucker your lips, like you're kissin’.” Jack grinned as a slightly longer and thinner spurt of flame elicited from the baby dragon. After an earlier incident. Jack was keen on not sending another eyebrow to Celestia. He was, however, fully inclined to send her random sticks and leaves as he entertained his own pyromania.

“This is awesome! I've never been able to get it so big!” Spike claimed happily as he puffed and hit the stick Jack had thrown up in the air.

“You're basically a flamethrower, and they just operate through pressure. It's all basic science. Don't you have anybody to teach you?” Jack glanced up at the dragon on his shoulder.

“Jack, Spikeywikey has us to teach him! Those other dragons are just awful.” Rarity spoke cheerily, and caused Spike to blush mildly through his scales.

“Right… so no real lessons on how his own body works.” Jack muttered to himself as he tossed up another stick. Instead of incinerating the stick, Spike belched up a neatly rolled letter.

Spotting the letter as Jack caught it, Twilight gasped loudly and disappeared, only to reappear on top of Jack. Ignoring his startled cursing, Twilight plucked the letter from his fingers and opened it. “Dear Princess Twilight, please give this letter to Knight Captain Kessle. Oh.” Twilight pouted, and stuck the letter in Jack's face. She did not leave his shoulder.

Rolling his eyes at the antics, Jack rolled the next bit of letter down. “Jack. Stop.” He chuckled, and pulled out the trusty ballpoint pen and quickly scribbled a response on the bottom. “Dear Princess, I am testing the extents of baby dragon belches, would you interfere with science?”

“Don't send that!” Twilight squawked, but all too late as Jack held the letter up to Spike and it was incinerated. “You're not doing anything scientific! This is just playing around!” The purple smart pony glared at Jack, and thankfully couldn't see his grin. “You-” She jumped as the next letter came, and swiped it before Jack could even think about it. “Dear Princess Twilight, please give- ugh.” The princess jutted the letter out to Jack, who took it daintily between two fingers.

“Thank you.” He turned his eyes down toward the letter.

Jack, I will hurt you.

Snickering lightly, Jack crumpled up the letter and stuck it in one of his pockets. “Message received, Sunbooty.”

The walk went by as Jack could have easily expected; with nothing to truly draw his attention, he was pulled into the idle conversation and arguments of the group around him. No matter how hard he tried to ignore them and watch the surroundings, he found the attempt spawning a migraine that split his scalp open. With his mood souring and the light of day fading, Jack got Twilight's attention. “How far are we from the objective?”

Smiling brightly, Twilight pulled a map from her bags and consulted it. “Well~ Let's see here.” She began reading the map, trying to parse out their location. “Not very far now!”

“About an hour's walk?” When Twilight nodded, Jack came to a full stop. “We're camping here for the night.” He had called the stop near a small clearing that was visible from the road. While it was the most obvious place for them to camp, it was also the easiest to defend.

“But we're nearly there!” Twilight exclaimed.

“It's almost dark. I know most of you can walk for a few hours more, but I doubt we'll find another spot in the dark.” He began breaking trail, heading for the clearing with the wagon in tow. The girls stayed behind for a moment, clearly conversing on whether he had any idea as to what he was doing. The discussion was made irrelevant when Dash, Rarity, and Pinkie followed Jack into the clearing. Leaving the others to follow at their leisure.

Unstrapping himself from the carriage and setting Spike down, Jack began to head back for the perimeter of the clearing. Driving the perimeter beacons into the ground in a circle around the campsite gave Jack a brief thought about his old cave home. He wondered if anything had made a home there in his absence. Shrugging the idea off, he began the start up and check process with his PDA as he walked back. There was a fire started, and several tents were going up as he treaded across the soft ground. Pausing momentarily, Jack turned back toward the forest and narrowed his eyes. He didn't have the feeling of being watched, but he knew for sure the assassins would be catching up while they camped. Dropping his pack, Jack retrieved his entrenching tool and began digging a foxhole. With the exo-skeleton it didn't take long to dig out a Jack sized hole, and he swiftly covered it with an optical camouflage tarp. Reinforcing it with some thicker branches, Jack began clearing his firing lane. He had a great view over the forest section they'd come out of, but if the assassins were worth anything they'd attack from anywhere but the trail. Little did they know, was that he would know, no matter where they attacked from. As he set his machinegun down, Jack heard hooves approaching.

“Um… hello? Mr. Captain?” The voice was soft and pleasant.

Sticking his unarmoured head out of the foxhole entrance, Jack perked a brow at the butter yellow pony as she fidgeted while approaching. She nearly jumped out of her fur when he seemingly appeared out of nowhere. “You need me?”

Nodding jerkily, the mare tried to calm herself as best she could. “W-we wanted to know if… if you wanted to make s'mores.”

If you say no, I'm disowning you.

“I…. Yes.” Jack pulled himself free of the hole, sans armour and machinegun. He smiled at the mare, but doubted she could see it in the dark. “I'd like that.” As the shy pegasus seemed to relax, Jack was struck by an afterthought, and stuck his head back in his foxhole. Coming back out with his bandoleer of 40mm grenades and the Milkor launcher, Jack slung the weapon to his side and followed after the pony. Approaching the fire, Jack was treated to the sight of the girls and Max laughing and chatting while they made s'mores. Quietly taking a seat, Jack smiled lightly and waved to those who greeted him. Shifting in his exo-skeleton, he leaned forward and snagged a spare stick. “So. What's the plan then?” He idly scratched at his wounded shoulder, wincing as the ever present tingling struck him with a pang of pain to remind him to not touch.

“The plan?” Twilight perked up at the word, while the others continued on their business. Mostly.

Dash piped up, cutting off Twilight as she postured. “We're gonna kick that other tribe in the butt and tell them to back off!” She grinned while Jack smirked.

Sighing, Twilight seemed to put more thought to the question. “Well, how about this. We can split up! I'll take Fluttershy, Pinkie, Max, and Spike. You can take Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity.”

To his surprise, the idea wasn't all that terrible. Well, despite being stuck with the emasculating horse farmer. “That should work fine. We'll stick together until we find the Breezie village, or whatever, and then my team will split off and search for the rival tribe once we have some direction. They have to be close if they're as small as you said they were.”

“Mhm! What do you think you'll do when you find them?”

And there it was. Jack smiled lightly as he stuck his speared marshmallow over the fire. They were all waiting for his answer, whether they showed it or not. “Well, way I figure it, is they've got to be making noise for a reason. If it's something worth doing, do it. If not, tell them to back off the other tribe's d-... Domain. Yeah.”

Seemingly surprised by his answer, but pleased with it, Twilight and the others mostly nodded and agreed that it wasn't that bad of a plan. He'd certainly come up with worse.

“Say pard’ner, what’re y’all even doin’ out here with us?” AJ questioned as she munched on her food.

Seeing no way to avoid the question entirely, Jack decided to be smarmy. “Well, the s'mores are a big reason I crawled out of my foxhole.”

“Y’all know that's not what I meant-” AJ began to protest, before getting cut off by Pinkie.

“Is it because you're being chased by a clan of ninja assassins!?” The mare somehow managed to be completely comprehensible despite a mouth literally full of hot marshmallow, melted fudge, and graham cracker.

Jack paused for a single moment, before nodding as he pulled his flaming stick out of the fire and stuck the charred marshmallow on his hunk of fudge. “Yeah, you got me. I'm actually here to counter-ambush a pack of assassins away from civilians. I wouldn't go as far to call them ninjas though. Mm! Fuck! Hawt!” Jack cursed and shook his finger to cool the molten marshmallow stuck to it.

“I knew it!” Pinkie declared loudly, before pulling out a bug catching net. “We'll catch them all!”

“Wait, so you're here because of those ponies that tried to kill you back in Canterlot!? That is so AWESOME!” Dash practically vibrated. Jack swiftly realized his folly in being truthful with the pink nutbar.

“Y’mean more o’ them varmints from the maze are out here? Why in the nine hecks didn't y’all tell us?” AJ looked particularly upset, but it didn't bother Jack all that much as he fumbled and fought with his snack.

Max was far too busy glaring at Jack to think of a question, Fluttershy was being calmed by Rarity, and Twilight looked contemplative. She soon spoke up as the others chattered with a mix of worry and excitement. “Princess Celestia sent you. Specifically. With us.”

Jack nodded as he nibbled the last of his smore. “Mhm. Shome reashon she-” Swallowing, Jack excused himself for a moment before continuing. “Seems to think it's a good idea. I'm not about to question her train of thought.”

“I suppose-” Twilight glowered as Dash pounced onto her.

“We can totally help you kick their butts! We've beaten up plenty of bad guys before, and these guys can't be so tough.” Dash smiled broadly as she puffed out her chest.

While he had to admit she had the guts to try and fight the trained assassins, Jack wasn't entirely willing to risk supposed national treasures when he could just do the job himself. Holding up a hand to try and curb the enthusiasm, Jack continued to pick at his snack. “While I'm all for the gumption and desire, I'm not risking any of you for this. I'm just a tag along on this quest of yours, and if I have my way, you guys won't even know I was being hunted.” He cursed mildly as the last of his graham cracker broke free and hit the grass. Leaning over to pluck it up, Jack felt a rush of air over his head, and heard a surprised yelp as something hit the fire.

“THEY KILLED HIM! S'MORES MCKINSEY!!” Pinkie cried out as Jack's eyes fell on the crossbow bolt that had pinned her pony shaped smore to the fire log.

The attack registered for everybody else a half second after it did for Jack. As they all spoke their realization, he was turning, and levelling the grenade launcher with the tree line. His finger depressed the trigger, and the bulky weapon chugged as it spat out the 40mm frag grenade. The round had barely been fired as a vibrant purple barrier sprung up around the group. The shield shimmered as the fat round smacked into it, and rebounded upwards and away. Jack's brain hadn't even caught up with the shield raising as the undetonated frag round smacked him in the face and broke his nose. The impact was enough to put him on his ass, but not enough to knock him out, and he watched as the round span off into the dirt as he was finding his voice.

“GAWD FAWK! MUH NOTH! FAWK!” Jack clutched as his blood spurting face and blinked back reactionary tears.

“Sorry! Oh my gosh I'm so sorry!” Twilight cried out as another arrow bounced off the shield.

“I-i can help!” Fluttershy sounded like she was about to burst out bawling as everybody yelled back and forth and another bolt hit the shield.

Jack's PDA began chirping as three targets crossed his perimeter. His anger suddenly found a focus, and he sprung to his feet, despite the now searing headache he was suffering. “Mutha fawka.. drob da fawkin shield!” He popped open the Milkor’s action and flung the spent shot away as he slid in a star shell. This time, as he took aim, the shield didn't rebound the illumination flare back into his face. The launcher chugged again, spitting the flare high up into the sky. The flare burst to life as its parachute popped open and the round began its slow descent to the ground, all while illuminating the area below it with vibrant light. A trio of armoured ponies stood frozen in the open clearing, their weapons sagging as they looked up at the flare.

The girls yelled in chaotic union, a general 'let's go get those jerks’ met Jack as he cursed and spat. Standing tall, Jack brought the buttstock to his shoulder and levelled the barrel to the tree line. The assassins turned out to be better informed than their fellows, and immediately bolted for the treeline. As the girls started for them, Jack emptied the cylinder on the hostiles. The girls faltered as the cacophonous racket of staggered frag grenades carpet bombed the forest. They came to a full stop as a tree slowly fell to the ground, and the forest went silent.

“Mutha fawkin’ cawk thucka…” Jack opened the cylinder of the launcher and emptied the spent shells at his feet.

Dash stared out at the wasteland Jack had laid down. And uttered a reverent “woah…” as she sat down on her haunches.

“Why would you do that!?” Jack cocked his head to look over his shoulder as he pulled his spare grenades free from the bandoleer and slotted them into the empty cylinder. Fluttershy looked utterly furious as she trotted up. “Do you have any idea how many innocent animals you could have hurt!?”

Well? Do you?

Forced to breath through his mouth, Jack stared back at the timid pegasus gone enraged environmentalist and her group of friends as they stared at him. Sighing with exasperation, Jack slumped his shoulder. “Ahm thorry. Ah have tah keep yah thafe.”

“I don't want to be safe if it means hurting others, Mr. Knight Captain.” Fluttershy spoke quietly, her rage draining away fast.

Letting the grenade launcher lower into his cradling arms, Jack nodded to her. Twilight looked very displeased with his act of wanton destruction, and she began to speak of her displeasure as he treaded back to the fire. “Knight Captain, we really need to have a talk about your conduct.”

Leaning over, Jack plucked the live frag grenade off the ground and gingerly held it in his fingers. “Rules ah engagement. Take it up with Celestia.” He snorted lightly to clear the blood from his sinuses, and began transporting the live warhead out of the camp, only to be stopped by a telekinetic bubble enveloping his hand.

“Knight Captain Kessle, a word.” Without his consent, Twilight began dragging him toward the edge of camp. Once there, she plucked the grenade from his hand and crushed it in her telekinetic grip. The explosion was muffled and contained by her magic as she glared at him. “What in Tartarus was that?” As he opened his mouth to respond, Twilight held up a hoof and interrupted him. “Don't you dare blow me off, soldier.”

Sighing and wincing over his nose, Jack fixed her with a tired, professional stare. “Twilight-”

“Princess Twilight.”

Closing his eyes for a moment, Jack nodded. “Uhkay. Uhkay. Princess Twilight. Yes, yah and yah friends can fight, yeah, but Celestiah will skin me alive if ah let yah get hurt. So ah will deal with assassins. Uhkay?”

Continuing to glare at Jack, Twilight puffed her chest out subconsciously. “What I need you to realize is that I'm a princess too. That means I can order you around as much as I want. Do you understand?” At his nod, she continued. “I understand that these assassins are dangerous, but my friends and me have fought Discord. We can handle ourselves, but you need to remember that the girls aren't used to your brand of… of violence.”

With her glare softening somewhat, Jack pinched his bleeding nose and winced. “Uhkay. Ah understand.”

“I want you to use non-lethal force when you're with us.”

Pausing on his nod, Jack fixed the young princess with an incredulous stare. “What? But-”

“But nothing. I don't want the girls watching you do all that. They don't need to see it. Neither do I.” Twilight fidgeted slightly as his stare continued. “Do you understand? Should I send you back to Canterlot?”

“Nuh ma’am.” He shook his head. “Anything else?”

Seemingly surprised by his quick agreement, Twilight shook her head. “No. Um… You're dismissed. I think.”

“Uhkay.” Jack shot her a tired salute before he about-faced and began to march toward his foxhole.

As he sat down and fished out a mirror from his bag to look over nose, a rainbow mane and accompanying face poked down into his hole. “Hey… do you mind if I come in?” Dash asked quietly, which struck him as somewhat strange. Shrugging and beckoning her in, Jack returned to looking at his features in the low light. As Dash crawled into his foxhole, she looked around and seemed somewhat surprised. “Wow, pretty spacious in here.” She looked toward him, and found him still fiddling around with the mirror. “Would… can I help? At all?”

Nodding, Jack held the small mirror out to her, and had her hold it in place while he retrieved his pen. Dash quirked a brow at him as he took one final look at his tweaked nose, before sticking the pen into one of his nostrils. She winced heavily in sympathy as the busted cartilage crunched and he let out a muffled grunt of pain. The following nasally noises and spitting didn't bother her as much as the act of breaking his nose back into place. Blinking back reactionary tears, Jack wiped the pen clean on his cammies, and leaned back against his foxhole. “What do you need?”

With a mild sigh, Dash tucked her legs underneath herself and leaned against his heavy pack. “Can we talk?”

“We're talking now, aren't we?” Jack checked his PDA, before glancing out his murderhole. “I think they've fallen back.”

Perking up slightly, Dash tried to look out where he was. “What a bunch of pansies.” She paused as a distant shriek echoed to the foxhole. “What was that?”

Jack smiled, despite the pain it caused him. “Ah hope it was them findin’ trouble.” He relaxed slightly, and began cleaning his gear. “So, what is up.”

“I um… I wanted to say I was sorry. For, you know, how I was when we met.” Dash's shifted, clearly uncomfortable with the act.

“It doesn't bother me none. Least you didn't try and force it.”

Seemingly relaxing as her apology was accepted, Dash smiled lightly. “I'm not AJ. I won't lure you into the breeding barn and then ask you to mount me.” Her smile spread a little wider as Jack snorted a laugh and looked to her with an incredulous grin.

“She fuckin’ did that to somebody?”

“She did it to Max. Apparently he had no idea until she lifted her tail, then he ran out of there for all he was worth.”

Failing to keep himself from chuckling at the mental image, Jack shook his head. “The file called him oblivious, but it's really that bad.”

“We have files?” Dash asked quietly as she looked over while he cleaned the barrel of the MG3.

“Mhm. And ah’ve read them. And no, ah can't tell you what they said.”

“So… you know that I'm not allowed to join the wonderbolts then…”

With his features softening, Jack nodded. “Ah also know that it's your dream, and the call pissed off one'a the instructors.”

Slumping slightly, the mare rubbed the back of her neck. “So… yeah. I'm stuck in Ponyville forever, because I'm an element and Celestia doesn't want to separate us. Because…”

“Because you're a weapon. A tactical resource.” Jack began setting aside his cleaning tools. “Ah know the feeling. Ah know it really, really well.”

“Max called you Celestia's attack dog.” As Jack shrugged, Dash smiled weakly. “Ponies always treat me like I'm stupid, because I always fly headfirst at things, and I don't run when I should.”

“You're the physical embodiment of Loyalty. If you didn't try and stare every problem down or meet it head on to keep the others safe, ah’d call bullshit.”

With her smile returning ever so slightly, Dash looked downwards. “When you put it like that…”

“Where ah’m from, we have a term. Semper Fidelis. Always faithful.” He rolled up his sleeve, and showed her one of the many tattoos smattering his body. It was his first tattoo, the eagle over the globe and anchor, with the header of Semper Fidelis. “When ah came here, ah brought it with me. Semper Fidelis, Semper Est Paratum. Always faithful, always ready.” He patted her side lightly as she stared at the tattoo. “Ah have a very great respect for loyalty, because ah like to think it's one of the very few good things inside me. Yeah, ah'm the big bad pitbull the princesses sic on their enemies, but they look after me and mine, so ah’ll do the same until ah draw my last breath, or they fuck me.”

“I…” Dash rubbed her cheek as she took it all in. “So, if you were in my spot, what would you do?”

“If ah couldn't join the wonderbolts, ah'd find a way to train with them regardless. Then ah'd show them all up.” Jack grinned at her. “But if it's action ah wanted, then maybe joining a group that only does airshows might not be in my best interest anyways. Ah'd think of all the times they were called in, and didn't actually get anything done, because they only know how to look fancy. Then ah'd strive to do better.”

With a curious look about her, Dash slowly nodded. “Okay… now, how would I do that?”

“Well, ah look for the folks who could train me to be a real soldier. Word has it there's a hush hush special ops group based from Canterlot that has such a grizzly training regime, half of their recruits drop out before completion. Ah wouldn't expect to be able to join, but ah'd train with them so the next time some villain thinks their hot shit, ah could out-fly them all day, and then make them my broken little bitch on the ground.” Jack relaxed, and lit up a cigarette. “Course, that's just what ah would do.”

Smiling surely, Dash nodded. “I think that, that's a pretty good plan. Easier to follow than any of Twilight's at least… So, how do I get in with these special ops guys?”

“It's pretty easy, their leader likes to think he has a pretty good eye for talent.”

“Okay, what do I say to him?”

“Knight Captain Kessle, can you teach me how to be the biggest, meanest bitch on the block.” Smiling broadly, Dash repeated him, and even added a please to her request. Nodding to the mare, Jack pulled the machinegun back to his lap. “Yes, Recruit Dash. I will teach you the ways of the attack dog. We're going to keep watch for assassins, and I'm going to walk you through how a German made machinegun works, as well as the fundamentals of firearms. Oorah?”

With a big smile, Dash nodded and scooted next to him. “Hooah, sir.”

“First lesson, it's Oorah. Hooah is for army pukes with dicks in their mouths. Now, pay attention. The krauts love making shit complicated.”

Morning came up fast on the small camp, and as the girls all woke up bleary eyed and sleepy, they all came to the shocked realization that both Jack and Dash were awake before any of them, had cooked breakfast, and broken their section of camp.

“Rainbow, Darling! Did you get any sleep at all last night?” Rarity was the first to question the unusually awake and chipper Dash as she sat by the fire.

“Yeah, I'm fine! I got three two hour naps on watch, and Knight Captain Kessle shared some of his coffee beans.”

AJ leaned a little closer so the others couldn't hear. “So, y'all stayed up all night, eating his beans?”

Reddening slightly, Dash held her composure and smirked at AJ. “Not like that, but I also didn't chase him all the way to town wearing lingerie, AJ.” As the farm pony scowled and accepted breakfast, Jack continued to patrol the area.

It didn't take long for the girls to break camp, and they were back on the trail within an hour. Trotting through the ruined copse of trees by the trail, Jack was relieved to see that there weren't any dead animals about, but he did spot some large splotches of blood, and wooden shrapnel that had little tufts of fur stuck to them.

“Enemy force likely fell back and moved ahead to set an ambush. Ah want everybody behind me, and for the shield to come up upon contact. So if everybody can pay attention to their surroundings, that'd be great.” Jack opened up a portion of his pack, and fished out his drone and a beacon marker. Waving Dash forward, he stuck the beacon to her flank and launched the drone with the explicit order to follow her and give fire support if needed. “The drone can fly to about sixty or seventy kilometers an hour, and it has a light laser repeater mounted in the chassis. You're the forward scout, the drone will let you talk to me. Ah don't want any heroics, alright?”

To the girls shock, Dash nodded and saluted. “Yes sir!” She took off like a shot, and the drone zipped after her like a faithful hound.

Twilight trotted up next to Jack, and fixed him with a suspicious look. “What did you do to her?” Max was following up behind her, but stayed quiet as she did the talking to the heavily armed and armoured marine.

“Ah just gave her a pep talk and some pointers.” Jack rolled his shoulder, before motioning the group forward. “Come on princess, your fairies aren't going to help themselves.”

With a grunt of displeasure, Twilight followed up behind him, and the rest of the girls followed at their own pace. The walk to Orange Leaf territory didn't take long at all, and the group didn't run into any assassins out for blood. Upon finding the tiny sprawling village, Twilight made it clear Jack was to stand back and let her do all the talking. When he heard the painfully high pitched voice of the chubby chieftain, Jack was more than happy to let her play diplomat with Max and Rarity.

Dash soon landed, with the drone still tailing her. “I haven't seen anything so far. Maybe-”

“Nooo! The Wyrmtooth tribe are awful miscreants! They must be made to leave!” The Orange Leaf chieftain shrieked indignantly, drawing all eyes. “We need these things for our magic and food! We gonna starve if you don't help! But you gotta make Wyrmtooth go away! Far far away! They send spiders to eat us!”

Sighing at the theatrics, Jack strode forward, and very quickly loomed over the entire village. Not to his surprise, the Breezies began panicking and stampeding in abject terror, much like how their larger pony counterparts did in Ponyville.

“Gaaah! Princess make the Kaiju go away! Awayawayaway right nooooooow!!!!” The chieftain cowered, and earned a sneer of disgust from Jack that his helmet hid, while Twilight fixed him with a disapproving glare.

“I thought I asked you to stay back?”

Ignoring the princess, Jack kneeled down on one knee and drew closer to the chieftain. “Where is the Wyrmtooth clan?”

The turnaround was actually very impressive, as the chieftain immediately stopped cowering and stood straight, while his villagers stopped stampeding. “Oh. You gonna make Wyrmtooth go bye bye? Good! Kaiju go thata way!” The chieftain pointed off into the forest. “Look for the spiders and the teeth! They awful teeth thieves! Steal so many teeth!”

Standing tall and sending a few of the Breezies back into a panic, Jack turned to Twilight. “Am ah clear to take my squad into Wyrmtooth territory?”

“We're the elements of harmony, not a military unit, Captain. But yes, you may take your group. Please be careful, and remember to use non-lethal force only.”

“Ah remember the demand. Ma'am.” He saluted Twilight, and gathered his squad. “Have fun with your scavenger hunt.”

With his squad gathered, Jack, Dash, Rarity, and Applejack set off in the direction the chief had gestured wildly toward. In an attempt to keep the mood light as they began to pass by large spider webs, Jack began to idly joke. “So. Tooth fairies are real here, huh?”

“It would seem that way, Darling.” Rarity muttered, clearly no longer enthused about following him into the spider infested forest.

“So what're y'all planning, Sugarcube?” AJ looked around nervously. “Y'all ain't gonna get violent again, are yah?”

“Ah'm gonna see what needs to be done when he get there.” Jack answered shortly and crisply, which earned a small frown from the farmer.

“That don't answer mah question, soldier man.”

“I don't have an answer.”

His clipped responses only seemed to drive her further up the wall as they walked. “Are y'all gonna give me more than a single sentence when we talk? Cuz ah know you love to just talk, so y'all can't pretend y'all’re some Big Macintosh in termsa conversation.”

“Unless I have to, no.” Jack rested the machinegun across his arms and continued to lead the group deeper. His answer caused Dash and Rarity to share a look, before they both tried to intervene, AJ spoke again.

“And why in the nine hecks do you hate me?” She blurted out, clearly upset. “Y'all just seem to be all gruff an’ growl towards me, and ah am sick of it!”

Glancing over at the flustered Cowpony, Jack considered his options. “My second day on Equestrian soil, I watched you castrate some poor bastard. Don't get me wrong, I know humans are little more than animals to be used here, but it's still pretty disturbing watching somebody have their nuts taken off. I've come to call you the Emasculator in my head, and frankly, I don't really want to be close to you because you make me uncomfortable.”

The trio stared at Jack as they walked, and he turned his attentions back forward. AJ had gone quiet after his proper answer, and seemed to be busy trying to figure out where to go from there. “Ah… Ah don't really know what'ta say to that…”

“I don't hate you, you just make me uncomfortable. If it weren't for that, I'm sure we'd chat for hours about life on the farm.”

AJ perked, while Rarity and Dash visibly relaxed. “Y'all lived on a farm? Yah don't strike me as the type.”

“I don't strike you as a stubborn, brazen cunt? I'm losing my touch then.” As AJ coughed and chuckled, Jack smirked mildly. “I grew up on a wheat farm, couple dozen acres. Me and my siblings.”

“So yer a family stallion then… heh, how many siblings you have?”

“Had eight other siblings. Lived with them, my folks, and my uncles.”

“Had?”

“I don't know if any of them survived the war.” Jack answered quietly, and the group fell silent behind him.

“Do…” AJ trotted somewhat closer, and looked chastised. “Do yah miss em?”

“Every day.” Jack paused, and looked around again. The spider webs were getting especially thick, and the ground under his boots was becoming spongy. “Watch your footing, we-” Jack had barely taken another step when the ground gave out from under him, and he plummeted into the dark. The girls stood shocked for a single moment, before rushing to the edge of the ragged hole. They could just barely hear the long, echoing curse that swiftly grew faint. Without a second thought, AJ and Dash both dove into the dark hole, leaving Rarity at the top.

Whimpering as she looked around herself at the creepy forest, Rarity swallowed her fear as best she could, and jumped into the hole with a terror stricken scream.

Jack careened down the twisting tunnel on his back; his armour occasionally sparked as it ground across stone, but that was the least of his worries. Pinned back by both of his outstretched boots was a trapdoor spider the size of a large duffel bag. It spat and hissed and scratched at his boots, but to no avail as he slid down the natural slide, deeper and deeper into the earth.

The ride came to a sudden and abrupt end, and Jack found himself sailing through the dark. Bracing for impact, Jack was pleasantly surprised as his feet very quickly found the ground, and the spider attacking his boots disintegrated to a fine paste as he slid across the web covered floor. The area around him was pitch black darkness, and even his night vision modes could barely pick up the faintest traces of natural light. While he couldn't see, he could hear. He truly wished it was the other way around. The sounds of thousands of skittering legs filled the cave, creating an ever present din. He could also hear the girls sliding down the pipe after him, and he knew they'd be on top of him in moments.

Dash came rocketing out first, and her wings flared as she hit air. AJ was caught neatly by Jack, though she nearly took his arm off on impact. Setting the farmer down. Jack perked at the sound of a continuous shriek that was growing ever closer. Bracing as best he could, Jack caught Rarity as she exited the slide and sailed through the air. Despite having been caught and still cradled in Jack's arms, Rarity continued to scream and keep her eyes shut.

“Uh, guys? A little help here?” Dash asked from above as she struggled and fluttered her wings.

“Hold on, I can't see shit.” Jack set down the still crying Rarity, who was given a good shake by AJ. Pulling a pair of chem lights from his kit bag, Jack cracked them and dropped them to the ground, before reactivating his NVGs. Looking up toward Dash's voice, Jack could make out the mare as she struggled in a spiders web. “You're not too high up ah’m going to try and cut you dow-aw shit…” Jack lifted the machinegun to his shoulder as Dash looked around desperately.

“What? What is it!?”

Drawing a bead on the very large, black spider as it descended it's web towards Dash, Jack muttered hotly. “Spiders. It just had to be spiders.”

BRAAAACK

The burst of gunfire earned a trio of shrieks and yells as Jack blasted the spider to bits. The sound of the gunfire echoed into the cavern, and a chorus of chitinous shrieks responded. Not wasting any time, he scrabbled up the side of the cavern, and drew his mono-edged knife. Slashing at the thick strands of sticky silk, shock struck as his blade failed to cut all the way through. Redoubling his efforts, Jack slashed madly at the silk to free Dash. Some of the strands were as thick as his forearm, and had the strength of braided steel cables. As he cut Dash free, Jack's eyes flicked to the dead spider as it dangled from the web. It was glossy black, and had an hourglass pattern across its belly.

Dropping to the cavern floor, Jack idly noted that the skittering was maddeningly closer.

“Ewww! Ugh, these webs are so gross!” Dash complained as AJ and Rarity peeled the remaining strands from her feathers and fur. “How do we get out of here Jack?”

“Ah haven't the foggiest.” Jack muttered as he pulled a flare from his kit. “Watch your eyes, this will be bright.” As he prepared to ignite the flare, he saw just the faintest glimmer in the pitch black dark. The flare struck, and instantly bathed the web filled cavern with red light. Jack instantly wished that it hadn't. The glimmer turned out to be eight eyes the size of his chest, and the pitch black carapace of a spider roughly the size of a Kenworth truck. The spider was an arms length away from Jack's face, and it's fangs with the length of his full arm. Silence ruled as the flare hissed and sputtered, and Jack stared wide eyed at the black widow matriarch.

Rarity was the first to scream, and Jack was infinitely thankful for it, as it broke through the spell that held him in place. Acting on deep animal instinct, Jack lashed out with a balled up fist and smashed one of its deadly fangs clear off. The matriarch shrieked loudly enough to vibrate his visor as he snatched up the fang and began backpedalling.

“BACKBACKBACK!! GO BACK! WE'LL FIND ANOTHER WAY OUT! I'LL HOLD IT OFF!” Jack boomed at the girls as he lifted the MG3 with one hand and pinned the trigger down. The machinegun roared to life, and sounded like a buzzsaw from hell in the enclosed space. The heavy 7.62x51 nato bullets skipped, pitted, and bounced across the matriarch's carapace; sparks lit up as they ricocheted into the cave, but none seemed to penetrate the thick chitin.

“JACK, HERE!” Somebody yelled, but he couldn't tell who over the buzzsaw chatter of the MG3. Casting a fast glance over his shoulder, Jack saw the girls crushing smaller spiders near a small tunnel, which was conspicuously web free. It was pitch dark as well, and he couldn't see more than a foot into it. Rarity took initiative as Jack backpedaled toward them, and galloped into the tunnel-

-Only to run muzzle first into an invisible wall of force. Cursing hard, Jack turned his full attention back to the matriarch.

Only one way out. Forward.

The launcher on his shoulder sprang upwards, and one of his very few AT rockets leapt forth to strike the matriarch between the eyes and blow her to bits. Only it didn't. A crack of foul magic split the air before the matriarch, sending the rocket careening off into the wall, where it exploded and sent fist sized chunks of stone spraying across the cavern. One of the girls cried out in pain as Jack's machinegun fell silent when the last of its belt ran dry.

Snarling like an animal, Jack dropped the machine gun and banged his fists together. “COME ON BITCH, YOU WANNA DANCE WITH THE DEVIL IN THE PALE MOONLIGHT, WELL LET'S FUCKING TANGO!!”

The Black Widow Matriarch howled her answer as it began charging forward on spear tipped legs, fully intent on shredding Jack and sucking his eyes out.

“Huah! Biggo beastie Shiva! Fack off!”

Jack paused in his rage to show confusion as he turned his attention to his other shoulder, where the voice had come from. A slate grey Breezy stood upon it, holding a small twig with several spiders fangs tied to it. He had just enough time to avert his eyes as the twig flared like the sun and the matriarch shrieked in agony as her cave accustomed eyes were seared by the sun flare.

“Back! Back to da safe place, biggun!” The breezy whacked his twig against Jack's visor, and he wasn't about to question the change in fortune. Scooping up the steaming machinegun, Jack turned and followed the girls as they were ushered down the small tunnel by a pack of Breezy tribal warriors. Apparently the shield had dropped, and the tribals were covering the retreat with spears. Small spiders were beginning to swarm toward the tunnel as the matriarch continued to shriek her rage.

The Breezy on his shoulder began some sort of ritual dance, and his stick began to glow. One by one, the fangs on the twig turned to dust, and the power built within the carved twig. The barrier was rebuilding itself, but not fast enough. Spiders the size of Jack’s fist had slipped through, among some few smaller, and were clearly intent on dragging the warriors off back to their nests. Not having any of that, Jack began to stomp and smash any spider that entered the range of his boots and fists

The tribals soon fell back, and began using Jack's armoured boots as their front line. A large spider would often leap upon its chosen prey, only to be kicked off by Jack and run through with tiny spears. Spiders were descending from the roof toward the mage as well, and Jack's hands became an anti-air array as he swatted, punched, and crushed the attackers. Thankfully, the mage finished his spell, and slammed his twig down on Jack's shoulder. A burst of light lanced out from it, sealing the tunnel and incinerating any remaining spiders.

“Huah! Nuttin like ah spida slaughta! Ahahaha!” The Breezy mage turned and shook his ass toward the barrier, and was mirrored by the warriors. “Fack you Shiva! You suck da Wurmtoof cawk! Hah!”

Unable to help but cackle at the sight. Jack found himself grinning. “The Wyrmtooth tribe, I presume?”

“Da Wurmtoof tribe reprasent! Huah! Who be you, biggun?” The mage tapped Jack's visor and cocked a tiny brow.

“Knight Captain Kessle, I'm here to see what has the Orange Leaf chieftain's panties in a bunch.”

“Dat little poof tinks he's da chief!? I'll whack em! I'll strangle em! Grah!” The wyrmtooth mage pointed toward Jack's visor. “Dat little poof be a coward! Stay and cry while stallions go and fight da spidas! Den he take a control!”

Shaking his head, Jack began following the tribals down the tunnel. “So he pulled a coup while you warriors were out here? How long has it been?”

“Free yeahs! Free fawkin yeahs we been stuck hea! We stuck, and wes running outa teef.”

“He told us you all stole teeth.”

“Grrrr! You gonna help us, right biggun? We use lasta our majiks to save you. We don't gots enough teef to last much longa. We senta letta to da big sun butt poni but she no ansa!”

Jack's treading saw him exit into a much smaller cavern, where a bustling village was built along the wall. A quick glance told of some one hundred breezies, most of which were male. They all watched him with trepidation, but didn't cower. To Jack's immense relief, Rarity, AJ, and Dash were nearby and arguing between each other. Upon seeing Jack, their argument ceased and they all jumped him.

“We thought you were spider food pardner!” AJ hugged his midsection tightly as Dash floated and batted his helmet.

“This guy would never let something as dumb as a spider eat him! You saw it, he just punched it in its big, fat, stupid spider face! That was so awesome!”

“There was never any doubt you would pull ahead darling.” Rarity smiled toward Jack as he popped his helmet free.

The Wyrmtooth mage pulled back at the sight as Jack gave the girls a toothy grin while he bumped his fist against Dash's hoof. “Glad you three are alright.”

“Yous gotta be da biggest Umie ah eva seen! Lookit dem chompas!” The mage grinned in kind. “I be Chief Long Spea'a Wurmtoof, rightfo chief of da Wurmtoofs. Da Poofy faggot Pomer send ya, did e?”

Jack nodded. “Apparently he sent a letter to Celestia about not having enough magic for the tribe to survive the winter. We got sent to help out. He also complained about a rival tribe, but I've got the feeling you're all one tribe.”

“Ya damn right wes one tribe! And a course dey don't gots enough majiks, they don't use da teef! Dat poncy poof usin’ flowas and stupid rocks! Ain't nough majiks in a fawkin rock!”

Smiling as the girls showed concern and confusion, Jack glanced to the village. “Why don't you tell us what happened, and then we can talk about getting your people out of here.”

As the chief spoke, it became clear what had truly happened. Chief Pomer, the current chief of Orange Leaf, had stayed behind when Chief Long Spear and his warriors had left to take on the encroaching spiders, and had staged an easy coup with almost all of the men gone. The spiders had proven to be far more sinister than a simple infestation, and Jack discovered that Long Spear suspected Shiva had swallowed some magical object early on, which led to her monstrous size and magical ability. The tribe was currently just scraping by with the few fangs they took from killed spiders, but getting the fangs was highly dangerous, and they lost people every time. He made mention of how another bunch of ponies had fallen to Shiva just the night before, but had barely put up a fight long enough for Long Spear and his warriors to do anything about it. That at least put Jack's mind at ease over the assassins. There was nobody else it could have been.

“Chief, I've got a question. Does the size of the teeth help at all?”

“Huah, course it does! Bigga teef, bigga magics!”

Lifting Shiva's broken fang, Jack smirked very mildly. “And something this big?”

“HUAH! Dats Shiva's big o fawkin sticka! How’d you get dis!?”

“I punched Shiva in the mouth and it broke off.”

“Huaahahahah! Yous a real mawthafawka, Capatan! Wit dis! Wit dis, we can get outa hea!”

Leaning forward, Jack smiled to the girls. “Let's talk tactics then. What do you need us to do to let you work your magic?

The chieftain seemed to consider things for a long while, but when he spoke, an idea began to form across the group. With the fang, Long Spear could create a spell that would immolate every spider but Shiva, but he would need time to cast it, and once he started, Shiva would do everything she could to kill him. It would come down to Jack to take her on, while the girls kept the chief safe.

Laying out his last belt of ammo, Jack muttered some cursing about his situation. “I should have brought a flamethrower, not my last bloody machinegun.” He set down his nearly empty belt of 40mm grenades, and began going through his inventory.

“Is it gonna be enough?” AJ sat down next to him, and was soon joined by Rarity and Dash.

“The seven six two's only piss her off, and I really don't want to use the forty mike mikes inside a cave, but I've got one more star shell and my knife. I don't have the spare ammo to waste my sabot pistol on this bitch, so it looks like I'm wrestling her.”

“Darling.” Rarity started as she dug through her saddle bags. “That is an awful plan.”

“I don't have a better one.”

She smiled as she pulled a bundle of hair spray canisters from her saddlebags. “But I believe you have a penchant for destruction. Could you use these?”

“You-” Jack let out a quiet, surprised noise. “Yes. If those are half as flammable as the crap my sister's used, I can make them work.” Taking the canisters, he began working on making a small fire bomb using some of his bits and pieces, and a one of his 40mm grenades. As he worked and Dash watched intently, Long Spear approached.

“Capatan Kessal! Yous gonna need a magic weapon. Shiva make da no’mal stuff crappola.”

With his anarchists bomb basically complete, Jack wrapped it in duct tape and handed it to Dash as he looked toward Long Spear. “What did you have in mind chief?”

“Yous gotta some teef you don't need?”

Shifting uncomfortably, Jack tried to take mental stock of the teeth he could survive without. “How magic are we talking?” Drawing his mono-edged kabar, he set it down before the chief.

“All da majiks. Huah, dis sharp!” The chief patted the matte black steel and grinned. “Ifnya gots some teef, ah can put on da snickersnack! Kill da Shiva dead!”

“That does sound promising… I've got a wisdom tooth the dentist never wanted to pull out, but I don't know how you guys are gonna get it out.”

The chief glanced up toward Jack, as if unimpressed. “Majiks.” Sticking a hoof to his mouth, Long Spear whistled, and a pair of smaller breezies fluttered up. “Da capatan is gonna give us a big ol toof! Yous gon’ be real careful like! Is the wisdoom toof.”

The girls sat nearby, and watched as the chief had Jack open his mouth wide and the pair entered his mouth. Jack winced lightly and seemed to try and focus on anything but the fairies in his mouth. Moments later, the mare of the pair popped back out and set her forehooves on the tip of his nose.

“Mista Capatan, is called fwossin. Y’should start.”

This earned a hard roll of the eyes from Jack, and a quick jab to her belly with his tongue. The breezie squeaked sharply, and pawed at her now soaked stomach. She didn't have much chance to mouth him off, as the chieftain barked at her and sent her back in to do work. With his mouth going fuzzy, Jack was idly aware of a mild pressure on his back molars.

He'd always hated the dentist's office.

Before long, a fat tooth flew from his mouth, and was followed by another two. Choking in surprise, Jack spat out the pair of hacks and rubbed his jaw in shock. Before Jack could speak, the chief flew into a fury and whapped both the breezies upside the head.

“Yah flippin’ dingdongs! Yah only supposed to take da wise toof!”

“But des teef gots hats! How's we supposed to know which toof is wise?”

With wide eyes and the girls watching in horror as he rubbed at his jaw, Jack revved up his glare and fixed the pair with a smoldering one. Even the chief winced at the look. “Easy Capatan. Dis is all good teef! I make a da majiks even betta!”

“Took my damn teeth… You better, or I'll be flossing with those two.”

Nodding rapidly, the chief pushed Jack's big molars and wisdom tooth over in a row and began the ritual. Jack was treated to the sight of his teeth disintegrating before his eyes, and a physically powerful connection arcing between his now floating kabar and the chief. At the crescendo of the ritual, Jack's wisdom tooth was consumed, and the blade began to hum softly and tunelessly. The hum slowly grew on Jack, like a soft diddy somebody close to him used to hum when there was peace. Caught by the siren call of his knife, Jack gently gripped the handle, and the last of the magical energy seeped into the blade. The knife had always felt comfortable in his hands, but now it felt like it was a part of him. Like it was a living thing, and it wanted what he did.

“I dubba thee! Samhain, Vorpal blade!” The chief looked to Jack as he gingerly held the knife. “I tol’ yah you'd like it. She like yah too. She's got da Snickersnack, an’ ol’ Shiva haaaaaate da snickersnack! Maybe don' shave yah face wit’ her.”

I wouldn't hurt you.

Jack smiled softly as he ran a finger across the handle of the blade. “I know you wouldn't darlin’...” The sudden realization that he'd just spoken to his knife unironically struck, and Jack quickly sheathed the blade at his hip while the others gave him weird looks.

Oh boy, now Jackie has two voices in his head! I wonder which dead friend this new one belongs to.

He had to fight down a quiet growl as he looked to the girls. “Are you three ready?”

Smiling, Rarity nodded. “Yes, we are ready to follow your lead.”

“Heck yes, pardner, let's go kick some magic spider butt and show that jerk Pomer why you shouldn't lie.” AJ nodded to Jack and fixed her hat.

“We're gonna save all of these little guys, and Twilight is gonna be sooo jealous!” Dash grinned and ran a hoof through her mane. “This is going to be so awesome.”

With the girls squared away, Jack turned back to the chief. “We're ready to go when you are. The girls will keep you and yours covered while you perform the ritual. I'll deal with the queen bitch.”

“You sure yah can handle da big bitchy bitch?”

“She's not the first act of Regicide I've committed, and I doubt she'll be the last.”

“Huah! Yous gots tha hangers! I hope yah don't getcha eyes sucked outa yah head today.” The chief grinned grimly, before heading off and gathering his people for one last push.

Standing and checking his kit one last time, Jack gathered with the girls and the tribals, and started down the small tunnel.

It's going to be fine. Don't worry so much.

He could hear Samhain’s soft voice in his head, and it did wonders to calm his ever present operation anxiety. He tried to ignore the fact his knife was talking to him, and just accept that it was a voice of calm in his ever chaotic mind. It would make a great foil to the Mark Volk impersonator.

Best you keep the voices in your head a secret Jackie boy.

“Shut up Mark.” Jack murmured quietly in his helmet as he pulled the Milkor forward and checked it's cylinder for the umpteenth time. “Ready when you are Long Spear. Drop the barrier.”

“Wurmtoof warrias! Prepare yah spears for the big one! We go home tonight, or we die tryin! Wes gonna string up Pomer Poof and see our wives again! We gonna get laid boys!” The gathered warriors cheered and hooted at the claim, and the barrier dropped.

The moment the barrier dropped, all hell broke loose.

On the surface, Twilight was on a pleasant walk with Max and Spike as they searched for 'the rock of contemplation’. Fluttershy was off searching for 'the flower of power'. Pinkie was helping her, thankfully. With a sigh, Twilight lifted her list of everything Chief Pomer had demanded they gather so 'all of his people wouldn't die.’ It had been nearly three hours since Twilight had seen the Knight Captain or her friends, and she was beginning to grow concerned. Max saw the look on her features and gave her a soft scratch behind the ears that earned a soft coo of affection.

“I'm sure they're fine. How much trouble could they get into?”

Jack roared as he slammed his balled up fist into Shiva's eigth eye, before deflecting her spear tipped leg with his knife. As the pair made contact, the opposing magics clashed and saw a vibrant flash of light burst with every strike parried. The star shell was still burning away at Shiva's thick carapace, and illuminating the chaos of the nest. The breezies and the elements were holding their ground well enough, and Long Spear was entering a frenzy of ritualistic power.

Redoubling his efforts, Jack roared his indignation again and planted his boot in the matriarchs face hard enough to see one of her dazzled eyes burst. Rage filled Jack as he fought, and he could feel the power of Samhain feeding into it.

Tell her how it is.

“YOU ARE HUGE, THAT MEANS YOU HAVE HUGE GUTS!! I'LL RIP AND TEAR YOUR GUTS! GRRAAAAAHHH!”

Outside, Fluttershy was picking flowers with Pinkie when the spastic pink pony's pony jerked and spasmed, dropping her to the dirt.

“Oh my! Pinkie, are you alright?”

The pink pony blinked unevenly and looked up toward Fluttershy. “Dynamite.”

The spell was nearly ready, and Shiva had run a leg into Jack's thigh, right through the seam of his plates. His spilled blood had driven the spider queen into a frenzy, and she was forcing him onto the defensive.

A concussive boom shook the cavern, and a gout of hairspray fueled flames burst from one of the offshoot tunnels, where a tide of arachnids had been surging toward the breezie lines. Rarity blew out her singed lock and shook her head as Dash spun and kicked spiders away from the flying breezies. AJ was double bucking the larger spiders to her heart's content, and it seemed their thick carapace was nothing compared to the sheer energy her bucks carried.

Jack was forced to dodge as a steel beam of spider web shot past his head and embedded into the wall. Taking the moment to his advantage, Jack brought his knife down into the joint of the spiders closest leg, earning a gout of brackish yellow blood. Shiva screeched indignantly at him, before batting him back several feet, where he landed on his back and sprang back to his feet.

“NOW CAPATAN! WES READY!”

Not turning his attention away from Shiva, Jack roared in answer. “DO IT!”

The magic wave washed over him, causing little flames to sprout up and die across his armour. The wave passed on and on, building strength swiftly until everything with more than two eyes was left a shrieking, flaming husk. Shiva howled in pain as her carapace caught fire, but she didn't fall. To Jack's surprise, the monstrous queen turned away from him and the others, and began charging deeper into the nest.

“Da big bitch is makin’ a run for er’! Don' let her escape or she gonna kill us all!”

Not needing to be told twice, Jack bolted after Shiva. The web covered stone floor clattered with every boot fall as Jack slowly gained on her. He soon began passing cocoons that lay stuck to the sides of the walls. His eyes flicked to the side as he caught sight of an equine head sticking out of one of the cocoons. It was a stallion with a bandana across his muzzle, and the bandana bore the mark of a red hoof. Ignoring the fallen assassin, Jack leapt and clamped his fingers down on Shiva's carapace as the slope went upwards. Grabbing onto the seams of her plates, Jack hauled himself up and over her gargantuan abdomen. Catching sight of what they were headed for, Jack swiftly lowered himself again as Shiva slammed into the stonework blocking the tunnel.

Spike was bored. That was it. He was bored out of his mind. Twilight and Max had left him with the very important job of collecting the last few items on the list while they looked elsewhere. They were probably doing gross adult stuff again. While Spike could stomach that, it was the fact he had to collect all this stuff for the breezy chieftain. He didn't like the chieftain, he was a pushy, rude little fairy, and he called them all names when he thought they weren't listening.

“I wish I'd gotten to go with Captain Jack and the others… this sucks.” Spike kicked a small stone, before watching another tremble and jump at his feet. “Huh? What the?” The stone jumped again, before an ear piercing shriek pierced the air, and was followed by a rebel yell.

“YEEEE HAAAW!”

Spike jumped in surprise, before bolting in terror as the biggest, angriest spider he had ever seen barreled through the trees with Jack riding it like a bronco. Diving to the side, Spike did his best to hide from it as Jack hauled on its face and pulled it away from him. To Spike's immense relief, the girls and a huge pack of breezies were right behind the rampaging pair, and they gathered him quickly.

As Shiva rampaged through the forest, Jack struggled to keep his seat on her. He could tell they were drawing close to the breezy village, which was where he hoped to find Twilight and the others. Unfortunately for him, Shiva didn't take a single bound further, as she ran face first into a shimmering purple shield. The impact jarred Jack badly, and sent him flying off his adhoc seat and into the shield himself. Falling into a heap before a further enraged Shiva, Jack had a split second to roll to avoid the magically enhanced spider legs as they punched down around him, intent on impaling him now that he was on the ground before her. Drawing his kabar, Jack made a sharp slash toward the spiders head, only to be stopped by another shield. His knife and he growled in tandem as Twilight separated him from Shiva as the spider was trapped under a magic dome.

“Knight Captain! Can you please explain what the hay is going on!?” Twilight yelled at him as the others finally caught up. She took one look at the battered and singed group, and then the large pack of tribal breezies following them. Long Spear separated himself from the group, and held onto Dash's ear as they cantered over to try and cover for Jack.

“Well, you see princess, it turns out that Chief Pomer is a jackass and a total piece of shit. He left his tribe's real leader and warriors to die at the fangs of this fuckhuge magic spider named Shiva. He's also using you and the girls to gather crappy magic items because he's too lazy to do it himself.”

The princess stared at him for a long moment, as Long Spear fluttered up and landed on Jack's shoulder. “You da princess?” At her slow nod, Long Spear gave his spear a light sharpening. “Hellos and salumutations. Yous gonna save Shiva?”

Twilight slowly nodded. “It's just a spider. It's not inherently evil, so-”

“Well, you’s betta do a betta job. Cuz she's almost out!” The chief pointed with his spear to the giant spider as she balled up a glob of virulent magically enhanced venom. The group had less than a second before Shiva spat the venom at the shield, and it burned through like an acid.

Twilight stared wide eyed at the horror before her. “T-that's not possible.”

Cursing as Shiva burst free of the damaged shield, Jack yelled. “Fuck this! I am using lethal force!” Hurling Samhain at the spider, Jack began to draw the Milkor as the knife sailed true through the air.

SNICKER-SNACK

The noise echoed through the forest as the powerful magic inside the knife lashed out and cleaved the spider's head clean off. Shiva's body went tense, before collapsing in a heap. Samhain circled through the air, before returning to Jack like a boomerang. He stared at the dead spider, then to the knife in his hand. “I love you, Sammy.” As the knife hummed it's pleasure, Twilight twitched. Then, to add to the pile, Chief Pomer fluttered out with a few of his breezies.

“Was all this noise!? You stoppa the noises! I tryna nap!” The breezy paused upon seeing the spider, but his shock soon turned to terror when Long Spear bellowed his name and the breezy warriors mobbed the traitor. “YOUS WAS SUPPOSED TAH HELP!”

“It's what you deserve, traitor!” AJ yelled at the chief, and both Dash and Rarity agreed.

“Stop! Everybody stop!” Twilight cried out. “Somebody please tell me what's going on!”

Chief Pomer was already being put on trial it seemed, and the Wyrmtooth warriors looked fully prepared to do all sorts of awful things to his body. The justice was put on hold, however, and Chief Long Spear began to argue with the princess about the legality of summary execution and proper instances of forest justice.

Seeing his work as done, Jack limped over to a large rock and looked over the flesh wound he'd received. His armour had sealed the hole fast, but the morphine was ebbing and he was finding that being stabbed by a spider the size of a house hurt like a scolding motherfucker. As he applied a proper sealant to the hole in his armour, Dash flew over and hugged his helmet.

“That was the most awesome thing ever. Seriously, can you come with us on every adventure?” Dash smiled happily as Jack removed his helmet and smiled tiredly toward her.

“I'd love to, Darlin’. But I got a world full of messes that need to be shot, and Twilight isn't the biggest fan of lethal force.”

Pouting softly, Dash sat down next to him and gave his armoured hand a nuzzle. “Will I still be able to train with you in Canterlot?”

“Course. I don't go back on my word.” Jack gave her a brief scritch between the wings, before a voice from his helmet drew his attention. “Hold on, I gotta call.” Pulling his helmet on, Jack fiddled with the inbound dial. “Say again your last, over.”

The voice over the radio was Captain Chord's. “Captain Kessle, vacation is over. We have a priority mission.”

Standing and pulling his pack back on, Jack motioned for Dash to follow as he treaded toward the legal argument. “Talk to me, what's going on?”

“We have received word from Griffonia, Princess Gilda has been kidnapped, and we believe it may be the Twin Pass revolutionaries who are holding her.”

Jack paused in his stride. “Holy shit. Okay, talk to me, what's the plan?”

“We are currently over Ponyville, and Snake has been dispatched to retrieve you. He should be within radio range soon. You will signal him with smoke.”

“Right, inbound.” Jack keyed off his mic and removed his helmet. “Princess, I've been reassigned to a priority mission. Can you handle the situation?”

Making a face at Jack, Twilight nodded. “Despite the huge mess you made, yes, me and the girls can handle it. What mission are you going on?”

“That's classified. Are you guys gonna execute this ass or what?” Jack idly asked Long Spear as his warriors bayed for blood.

“We’s tryin but da princess don’ want it!”

“I'm a princess too! Celestia told me I don't need to ask for permission for things anymore!” Twilight complained. “And you're not allowed to pull him apart!”

Rolling his eyes, Jack glanced to Long Spear and smirked. With as much theatrics he could muster, Jack yelled and pointed off in the other direction. “OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT!?” The girls all turned in place, looking for whatever had driven Jack to yell. While they weren't looking, Jack snatched Pomer up in his armoured hand and squeezed. Long Spear and his men winced at the split second sound of Pomer shrieking, then popping, but said nothing. “Aw my bad, it's a tree. Well, later guys!”

“Ugh, fine-” Twilight paused as the warriors all looked about and whistled innocently. “Where did Chieftain Pomer go?”

“Huah! Yah let him escape!” Long Spear cried out indignantly as Jack waved his goodbyes and jogged off into the forest.

Once he reached the edge of the clearing where they had camped the night prior, Jack wiped Pomer’s squashed remains off the palm of his hand onto a tree. The rhythmic thumping of the VTOL was like music to his ears as he jogged into the clearing and popped a smoke grenade. The VTOL touched dirt for a brief moment and Jack was in it, headed for Stalwart Liberty.

While Jack was busy running about a forest playing diplomatic exterminator, Carolus had been enacting the final portions of his masterful plan. Everything was in place. Thanks to the mask, he now had complete control of the third and fifth army, and almost the entire command structure of the air navy and the army. It had all been so easy. Almost too easy.

“Are your children ready, Dr. Forge?”

The doctor turned from his children as he groomed them. “They are ready to see to the old guard, my Emperor.”

Smiling thinly, Carolus ran a claw over the mask that had granted him the power. “Then let us carry on. Generals, with me.” Carolus strode toward the doors to his father's lounge, and pushed the doors open wide. He fought back a smirk as they boomed and his father scowled. “Good evening family.”

His mother looked up and furrowed her brow, and their guest turned his attention up as well. Gilda, however, was unimpressed and didn't pay attention as she chatted with Ada. “Hey dweeb.”

“Carolus, what…” Emperor Wilhelm stood and looked toward his generals as they all walked in. “What is going on?”

Ada turned her attention to the commotion, and stood to approach, while Carolus pulled on the mask. “This, father. Is our new world order. My new world.” The eyes flared on the mask, and Ada gasped as if something had wrapped around her throat.

“CAROLUS!” Emperor Wilhelm boomed as he leapt from his chair. “I DON'T KNOW WHAT IN THE HELL YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING-” The Emperor fell silent as Forge's Progeny entered the room and smiled at him.

“Cyka blyat.” Petyr spat at Carolus’ feet. “You are traitor, and coward, letting monsters fight for you.”

Smiling thinly at the large human, Carolus glanced toward Ada as she slowly stopped struggling. “I'd show you how wrong you are, human, but Dr. Forge has expressed interest in you. You're his plaything now.” The colour drained from Petyr's face as Forge entered and smiled at him. Carolus snapped his talons, and the pair of progeny leapt forward, grappling his father and driving him to the ground. “Corporal Forth, deal with the Empress.” Carolus walked up to his father's seat as Ada drew her sidearm and executed the Empress as she drew a ceremonial sword from the wall.

Out of the corner of his eye, Carolus watched Gilda panic, and leap from the window.

“OPHELIA!!” Wilhelm cried out with emotional rage. Struggling in vain against the unstoppable power of the monstrous Progeny, Wilhelm roared his anger. “YOU ARE NO SON OF MINE! YOU ARE A BASTARD AND A FRAUD! THE EMPIRE WILL NEVER BOW TO YOU!”

Sitting down in his father's chair, Carolus let out a shudder of pleasure. “I always knew this chair belonged to me. Wouldn't you say so, Father?” He leaned forward and smiled at his struggling father while the General’s guards detained Petyr. “This is a coup, Father. I am the emperor now, and the entire world will bow to me, and I will bring them Order.”

Realization struck Wilhelm like a hammer to the gut. “No… no! Carolus, you would doom the world following a fallen god! Please! Do not follow this co-” Wilhelm gasped as Carolus drove his sword into his father's chest.

“The world will know Order, father.” Carolus watched as the life faded from his father's eyes, and he felt a smile spreading across his features as a weight lifted off his shoulders. “Has my sister escaped? Good. She'll run to the Twin Pass traitors. Tell the Equestrians she's been kidnapped, and prepare the armies for the second phase.” Carolus stood, and trailed a talon down Ada's pale cheek. “You're going to witness me take my rightful place, Ada. Will you be my faithful hound bitch? Hmm?” Carolus ran his claw down her cheek and to her neckline.

“Y-yes… my… Emperor.” Ada seemed to struggle to speak the words, her body was tense like a coiled steel spring.

With his smile growing to a grin, Carolus pulled his claws off of her. “Later. I have a capital to sway.” He began toward the balcony, and within minutes, the capital of Griffonia would be under his complete control.

There would be no dissidents.

There would be no hitches in his lords plan.

Carolus would be Emperor of the new world. He would see every leader of the world either pledge their utter allegiance, or he would see their heads roll at his feet.

End of Act Two

Author's Notes:

Alright, well, first off I'd like to make note that I really dislike writing established characters, especially the created characters of other writers, but I like to think that I got fairly close to how they would be normally.

The idea for the Tooth Breezies was from another fic involcing a human turned super villain, but it seems to have escaped both my mind and library. I unabashedly borrowed the idea of using teeth for magic and the fucked up dialect from that fic, mostly because I loved it.

This chapter was the by-product of a 24 hour road trip, which is the only reason I was able to push a 14k monster out in under a week. Hopefully you guys will see a new release within another week.