Author's Notes:

Listen to this for the first portion to increase the mood! :D

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Command, I am locked in on my final approach vector. Target should appear soon on scope. Jack wiped the back of his hand across his sweaty forehead so he could focus one the dangerous task at hand.

He steadied his breathing as he passed the last obstacle, and his target came into view. A quiet awed gasp escaped his lips as the brilliant crescent moon came into view. "mother of god...." It was so close, and yet, so far. Jack set his jaw tightly, and willed himself forward towards it. Deep inky blackness seemed to surround the pale crescent moon, as if it threatened to swallow it whole. He edged closer, until he could practically touch the moons surface.

Swallowing thickly, Jack uttered the hallowed words of his people. "This is one small step for man, and one, giant leap for mankind."He lifted his hand up high, and focused intently on the task he was about to complete at the risk of his own health and safety. To his infinite horror, the moon shifted ever so slightly. Without a moments hesitation, Jack brought his hand down in a swift, decisive motion.

Luna's head jerked up out of her bowl of coffee in sudden surprise and she failed to suppress her whiny of shock as a rough hand slapped across her cutie mark with enough force to cause her flank to jiggle for a moment and for a stinging numbness to spread rapidly. The Lunar Diarch whipped her head around and stared at the offending human with a shocked expression as hot coffee spilled from her hanging mouth.

Jack met her shocked gaze with a slowly spreading shit eating grin. The grin died ever so slightly when the mare's face exploded in anger, and she clattered off her pillow so she could strangle him with her bare hooves. "FIEND!"

Cackling madly as he turned on his heels and bolted; Jack screamed over his shoulder as he barged out beyond one of the castles ornate doors. "I REGRET NOTHIIIIIING!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!" He vaulted over a startled maid, and pressed on down the hall as Luna's door crashed open, and the red faced alicorn followed in hot pursuit. Tracking Jack wasn't hard, as his rubberized boot heels squeaked and squealed across the polished marble floors. On top of that, he was still laughing his ass off, much to Luna's chagrin.

"I SWEAR ON MY ANCESTORS, I WILL MURDER YOU, HUMAN!!!!" Luna bellowed with her fuming mad regal voice as she galloped after the trouble-making marine. Passing by several shocked, worried, and bemused ponies, Luna turned another corner, only to find that she'd lost him.
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Jack pressed his back against the door and bit his knuckle hard to keep from laughing and giving his position away. His body shook with suppressed laughter, and his hand still stung from the righteous ass-slap he'd delivered upon the lunar princess. Flitter looked up from his PDA and pulled the earbuds from her head. "Jack, what-" Her features scrunched up as he skipped over and clamped a hand over her muzzle; he made a silent 'Shhhh' motion, before turning his head back towards the door.

Just as the pair looked to the door, said door boomed, and was nearly blown off its hinges. Jack let out a terrified squawk and bolted for the window. "SHE KNOWS WE'RE HERE, ABANDON SHIP!"

Flitter gaped in horror, her eyes going from the door, then to Jack as he attached a carabiner to his 'emergency castle de-ass line'. He motioned for her to move to him, but she stayed where she was. "Jack, what the fuck did-" Again, Flitter was cut off. Unfortunately, this time a large axe split the door into splinters. Flitter shrieked at the same time and decibel as Jack, she practically leapt into his arms; her wings spread wide in terror as Luna beat down the door with a battleaxe. "JACK WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DOOOOOOO!!???" Flitter shrieked as the human propelled them out the window and down the line.

Both human and pony screamed as they dropped; the line straining as Jack rappelled face first down the four stories of smooth stone that made up the castles exterior. Just as they were about to reach the bottom, the pair were enveloped in a deep blue aura. They were lifted up painfully slowly, until they both hung upside down before a steaming battleaxe wielding Luna. Jack grinned at her as his scraggly black mop of hair hung before his eyes.

"Salve Moonbutt!"

Flitter's lips pressed into a thin line as she looked at Jack, then at Luna. She flailed her hooves a little as the blood rushed to her head. "I swear I'm not with him."