In the end, it was inevitable that one pony would be the first to attack. That bright Saturday afternoon shone down upon the two opposing factions, neither moving at first, leaving the wind in the air to rustle coats of fur and body armor. The Bone Collectors glared down their enemy in a collective silence, deciding exactly how to face him off in their respective minds. They of course weren't Changelings, and so this process of realization ended up completely off on every single account.

The small, burgundy colt stared them down from a few yards down the field, his burning cigar puffing light wisps of smoke into the blue sky above them. The monkey mask clenched down on it in a statuesque manner, unmoving to match the mask's owner himself. His brown tail swished in the breeze idly.

The grass swayed.

The clouds hanging in the sky continued on with their daily routine.

Neither side moved an inch.

Vanoss looked at Delirious. Delirious looked at Vanoss. Reaching to his side, Vanoss pulled out a large tub of popcorn, which he shook in at his Pegasus friend currently sitting by him. He hummed for a time, tilted his head, and simply proclaimed, "Fuck it," grabbing at the snack with delight. Tossing his grabs into his mouth, Delirious watched the two sides with anticipation. Vanoss meanwhile began to search for a foam finger he could put on.

The Bone Collectors adjusted their crossbows, making sure that every single one of their iron sights were fixated on the lone colt facing off against them.

The colt pawed at the ground and lowered his head.

Bright Light suddenly ran forward, his horn glowing brighter as his crossbow slid into view. Sticking out his tongue, he aimed for a single heartbeat, let out a breath, and fired.

The world spun.

But that wasn't important.

The fact of the matter was that they were currently fighting on the top of a large spaceship, the likes of which had never been thought of before. The mercenaries' crossbows somehow found themselves replaced by giant pink dildos, their tips flopping in the winds of the vacuum of space and pointed at Lui, who was suspended in the middle of the air with his forelegs stretched forward like a pouncing tiger on a six-year old kid. The spaceship spun slowly, but the ponies on top of it stayed where they were.

Delirious watched from afar, unblinking with his forelegs stuck against the ground behind his back. He currently floated alongside the mothership a couple yards away, a large, icicle-shaped plot of grass keeping him from floating out into the depths of space. Looking around, he hummed at the asteroid belt currently zipping past them to his right. Turning to his left, he found the newly discovered Pluto smiling at him with a big red heart on its surface. A hand suddenly rose from its side, and Pluto shut its eyes and waved at Delirious.

Grinning with glee, Delirious waved back, and fixed his position on the ground so he was sitting crisscrossed. Blinking up at the mothership, he watched as Lui and the Bone Collectors began to fight in incredibly slow motion, one that would both rival Gmod's and make it violently depressed to the point of a sappy romance novel complaining about the lack of received love and signed with the name Yamsmos. Delirious snorted. What a fucking loser. Sighing happily, he began to hum an amazing song that he had just made up on the spot.

It regarded the existence of life and the importance of it to the greater beings in the sky. As previously stated, he was making it up on the spot, and so needed a nice swig of alcohol to keep his brain fully functioning. Glaring, he brought a hoof up, developed a middle finger and a thumb, and snapped loudly enough where he was sure his subscribers would hear it back home. Hearing footsteps, he looked over to his left and found a large brown, bipedal horse walking up to him with a bored expression on his face. Adjusting his grey suit jacket, he pulled a glass of Absinthe out of his pocket and presented it to Delirious.

Snatching it out of the horse's grasp, Delirious used his newly acquired middle finger to flip him off. The horse was having none of that and quickly slapped him across the face. Seething, Delirious cursed, "Fuck you BoJack."

"Get cancer, jerkwad," and he was gone. Delirious rubbed his cheek and then shook his head to dispel the pain. Looking back at his hoof, he watched as the Absinthe transformed into a large jalapeno pepper that easily dwarfed his head. Tilting the appendage back, he opened his mouth and allowed the pepper to slide into his gullet. Wiping his mask, he rubbed his tummy and felt a nudge at his side. Looking over, he grew aware of Vanoss' presence around him. Activating his Delirious Sense, he pulled out a .44 Magnum Revolver, held it upside-down, and fired it to the area below him, effectively ending the previously roaming Spider Man's life.

Vanoss suddenly appeared in front of him in the form of a water-painted owl mask, one that glared at him with fiery eyes. Growling, the Canadian spoke with the voice of Wildcat, "What the fuck are you doing you stupid bitch?!" The owl mask shifted as if it was on one side of a cube, and Wildcat's pig mask appeared, helmet and all. "For fuck's sake Delirious, get it together!" Again, and the pig mask was replaced with a censor bar and a blurred image, "Hoo-di-"

A bullet flew from the heavens sitting next to Delirious, making a hole in the image that spread out and bled into the vacuum of space. Enjoying this, Delirious reached into his dickhole and retrieved a cigarette. Pulling a grenade from the lava pit underneath him, he threw the pin away and felt the cigarette ignite. Tossing the frag, its shape changed into that of a football, and Vanoss caught it in mid-air, did a 360, and chucked it clear across the football field he was on. The football landed into the basketball hoop, and fell to the ice as a hockey puck.

There it was swept up by a yellow Labrador Retriever, who shot it into his own goal and threw his forelegs up as he barked loudly in tandem with the instantly roaring crowd. The hockey rink flipped over, and a baseball field stared Delirious in the face. The Batter stood on home base, his Ashley Bat sitting on his shoulders in anticipation. Lou Gehrig stood like a statue at center plate, then spat into the ground and threw the baseball.

The Batter swung and the ball began to pinball around the field, all the while playing a song that reminded Delirious that he was hungry for a pepper steak. The song began to slow down as if it were having a fatal stroke, and the baseball took one final hit on the walls before sailing into the distance. Hearing purring next to him, Delirious raised his brow boredly and found a small cat looking at the game. Turning to the Pegasus, it asked with a low growl, "Such an enlightening display of sportsmanship, wouldn't you agree?"

Delirious nodded, then brought a hoof to his mouth to drink from his Pißwasser. Giving a refreshed sigh, he looked for the cat again, only to find Apple Bloom waving an upside flag that read Allahu Ackbar. Getting up to the sound of applause, she shouted, "!aciremA ot htaeD !suoirileD ,uoy evol reven lliw kcajelppA" Delirious frowned at this, his eyebrows lowering, but he didn't know why. Regaining his composure, he hissed at the filly and snatched the flag from her hooves. Showing it to her face, he snapped it with his knee only to find her still waving an invisible one.

Shrugging, he looked at his lap for the flag. Instead, a carbine rifle met his gaze, and his hooves quickly picked them up, pulled the bolt back, and fired at an image of Applejack.

The out-of-this-world landscape vibrated violently, then popped into the style of an icy mountain valley. Delirious' grassy recluse remained the same, and as did Lui and the Bone Collectors'. Still fighting in slow motion, Delirious was currently watching Lui fling Bright Light into Red Velvet and Head Rush, the latter of which was beginning to pull a knife from his left saddlebag. Reaching into his sweater pocket, Delirious pulled out a heavy pistol. Cocking the slide back, he kept it open with the slide catch, tilted his head back, and downed an ounce of green and orange pills. Wiping his mask once more, he oohed at something above him and reached up, grabbing a floating stick filled with marshmallows. Holding it out in front of him, he laughed heartily as they began to burn from the iced puddle underneath it.

Delirious suddenly wondered the time, and brought his left foreleg out to look at his Pimp-Boy 3 Billion. It was currently 36:70 in the afterduskening. Damn. Delirious has missed an episode of Titty Kitties. Frowning, he looked at his Pip-Boy, flung the Pimp-Boy off, and destroyed his wrist watch once it impacted the cloudy ground. Delirious' vision shifted, and the island he was on turned upside-down. Rolling his eyes, he pulled at his sweater and felt his hood slide over the top of his head. At that moment, it began to rain, and Delirious was now completely safe from its torrent.

Looking to his right, he found Applejack, her Stetson lying on the ground next to her. She watched the fight with an honest smile on her face, her eyes half-lidded as if she were witnessing her child. The icy valley dissipated, and a fresh, sunny meadow took its place, the grass high enough to cause Applejack's haunches to simply vanish beneath their green onslaught. Daisies, sunflowers, and daffodils swayed in the calm wind, and a draft flew by the two in silence.

Delirious snorted, reaching into his tuxedo and pulling out a bottle of vodka. Accepting the whiskey, Applejack took a swig out of it and handed him his Pißwasser back, thanking him. Sighing, she leaned to her right and pressed a hoof into her cheek. She hummed thoughtfully, and suddenly poofed into thin air, only to appear a fraction of a split second later, her head now on Delirious' left hindleg. Turning over, she chuckled and brought a hoof up to boop him on the mask.

Delirious flinched at it, but stayed his smile.

"Just imagine if you'd actually believe it for once, Sugarcube."

"I wish I could've gone."

Applejack shook her head, still smirking. "I don't know what that means."

Delirious laughed. "Don't worry." "Don't die," she replied.

Applejack vanished into a wisp of smoke. A bouquet of apples stared up at him in their fruity silence, and Delirious picked one up and swallowed it whole. Gulping it down, he holstered the rest in his inventory and pulled out an Egochaser. Peeling off the familiar blue wrapper, he bit into the bar and looked down at it after he gulped it down. A mass of white hockey masks amidst a blue field screamed up at him for mercy, and he calmly shook his head with a simper and bit down on more than he had last time.

Blowing a raspberry, he placed a hoof on his stomach and grinned. Lui currently held Head Rush in a choke-hold, the boot knife now poised for the former's heart. From a foot away, Red Velvet readied her Fat Man, Bright Light coming up from behind her with a BFG. Wildcat flew toward Lui, a large machete gripped in his pig hooves. Nogla sat in a crouch, aiming a Heavy Sniper at the young colt with a pink camouflage painted on it. Vanoss nudged Delirious again, a deck of cards in his hooves. Nodding at the pile sitting between them, he said, "Your turn, Delirious."

Delirious reached into his top hat, pulling out a disembodied skull which he placed on the table. Vanoss groaned, throwing his cards onto the desk as he leaned back in his stone chair. Delirious laughed evilly, pulling the pile of chips toward him with vigor. As it stopped an inch from him, the top of the pile flew downward, and a gun appeared from inside. Delirious blinked at it once, and the firearm exploded in his face, blinding him.

Reeling in pain, he brought a flashbang out from his rear, pulled the pin, and held it in front of his squinting eyes. As it exploded in kind, the world came to, and Delirious realized he was sitting at a bar. A shot glass, half-full, sat to his right on top of a folded napkin. Hearing laughter amidst the ruckus of the room, he looked the other way and found Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Vanoss, and Apple Bloom laughing hysterically at something. Scootaloo was there as well, too enamored with her glass of root beer to join in. Smiling, he asked them what they were looking at, but no words came out. They told him that Rainbow had just farted and was vehemently denying it, but no words came out either. Delirious nodded, then turned back to his glass.

He frowned, then smiled deeply and drank from it.

A gruff sounding-voice roused him from his stupor. Stopping what he was doing, he raised his ears and narrowed his eyes as he slammed the glass onto the counter. Amidst the loud sounds of sex, jokes, and banter in the bar, his action was not heard. Slowly looking back at Applejack, he found a rather muscular brown stallion talking to her, a hoof resting on the bar's counter top. Applejack seemed to be enjoying herself, giggling into a hoof like a school girl. Delirious growled, then looked back at his shot glass to find it half-empty.

His wings flared involuntarily, but he mussed them down with a hoof and focused on his drink. Eyeing it carefully, he hummed and his heartbeat made itself known to him. Two of them passed, and Delirious sprang up, grabbed the flagon, tucked it behind his head, and chucked it as hard as he could toward the stallion. It exploded into shards upon his target's head, and he turned to find a slightly chubby blue Pegasus glaring at him with his hooves at his hips as he stood atop his bar stool. Growling, the stallion began to walk over to Delirious, and suddenly Delirious was pushing the barrel of a shotgun into his forehead.

Yelling at the top of his lungs, he cocked the slide, brought the gun up, and stabbed it into the stallion's head, only to pull the trigger to blow his brains out a second later.

The world became white and blank, like a clean slate for him to begin anew on.

And at once Delirious knew that he was not magnificent.

And he grew aware of something hugging him tightly.

Looking down, he watched as Applejack's head rose from his chest, a grin on her face. Spitting out a stalk of wheat, she closed the distance and Delirious felt a hoof smack him in the face.

Shaking his achingly painful head as the world came to, he heard Vanoss yell at him from a few inches away, "Hey dumbass, Lui just got done kicking some ass. You done yet?"

Delirious blinked his two eyes separately, then slowly glanced down to the ground. A bag of something called Cheerilee-o's stared up at him, its previously contained bag sitting open a foot away. A bright red and yellow bong, still lit, sat next to his side. Delirious brought a hoof up to his head, then got up as he looked at the grass field now burning in various spots with craters dotting the landscape like the moon. A few trees smoked into the air, mimicking the burgundy colt currently stalking toward Delirious.

Wiping his forelegs clean of dust, Delirious raised a hoof and spoke, "Hey, Lui."

The colt approached even faster. He raised a hoof as he did so.

"That was some pretty badass shit man-"

PSH

Author's Notes:

Don't do drugs, kids.