"I ever tell you that I don't like prison? I mean, sure, we've got free food... and free clothes... and free food... again... but it's still prison, y'know? I mean, these, uh, these cells man- just, just look at them." The sound of bars rattling sounded out. "Solid as hell. No way even I could get out, and I'm a Unicorn. Though that's prob'ly due to this ring around my horn that I can't get off. I, uh, I don't get much sleep because of it. I mean, sometimes, when I'm alone, you know, eating my mashed potatoes and gravy, I try ta, like, take it off... y'know..? Like, I put my hooves on it and I just pull. Of course, it uh... doesn't really work... uh, if it did I wouldn't, you know, be here right now. I'd be uh, I'd be with my family. In... uh... back in Cloudsdale. You uh, like prison?"

Delirious hissed.

The Unicorn in the cell next to him stepped back.

"You uh, you don't talk much, do you-"

"I don't say much if there's some dumbass talkin' to me," he said, crossing his arms and reclining in his cot with a glare on his brow.

The Unicorn bit his lip.

"Well, that's not really too nice-"

"I'm not a nice person."

The Unicorn bit harder, sucked in a breath that Delirous could hear even across the room, and walked over to the divider between the two jail cells. He examined Delirious for what seemed to be hours, his piercing green eyes moving up and down his un-moving, glaring figure, and finally threw his hoof through the opening in the bars. Watching Delirious, who watched back, the Unicorn shook his hoof in the air.

"C'mon now. Don't be a dick, man. I just, like, shared my life story with you-"

"Who said I asked for it?" Delirious asked from the cot with a wave of his hoof. "It's not like I've been paying attention at all. I'm just waiting for some people to get here so I can get out."

"What, like who?"

Delirious growled.

The hoof reaching into his side of the room didn't falter.

"Look, man. From what I can see right now, if somepony was comin', they would've come by now. You've been here for two days."

"Two days?!" Delirious yelled, getting up from his seat. "Bullshit, man. That is fucking bullshit."

"Nope. It isn't, man. You've been out. Sleeping."

Delirious looked back to his cot with a raised brow, eyeing its pillow and blanket suspiciously. Turning back, he replied, "So what? Just because it's been two days don't mean they're not comin'-"

"Listen." The Unicorn said, pulling his hoof back through the bars and back to his side. "Man, I've been here for over a month. I have a loving mother and a caring father. I have a sister who works here in town. They're not coming, and I realized that when they didn't come the same day I got here. If they haven't come by now, they're not coming at all."

Delirious' expression softened, but the edge in his voice remained, "What the fuck did you do, anyway? Can't be that fuckin' bad-"

"That's my life," he said with a hoof to his chest, to which he aimed it at Delirous and continued, "not yours. I'd rather keep it a secret."

Delirious blew a raspberry, "Can't be that bad-"

"It is."

"Compared to what I've done in my life, I'm sure it's not that bad."

The Unicorn looked at him in silence for two heartbeats, before he dipped his head slightly and repeated, "It is."

Delirious raised a brow, "If ya say so, man." Eyes scanning his surroundings, Delirious looked for an escape. The cells he and the Unicorn were in were situated side-by-side, filling the other half of the rectangular room. Hanging above them were four pairs of barely-bright white lights, running across the ceiling in pairs. The walls were painted white, almost begging Delirious to bleed on them so the whole world could see how much he lost. By his hooves was a concrete floor, cracked in many places like an old road.

Looking to his cell door, he tilted his head to the left, noticing the hallway that led to both the entrance, and his exit.

"Name's Quick Time, by the way."

Delirious turned his head, arms crossed as he watched the Unicorn squeeze his hoof through the bars once more, a sly look on his face. Thinking for a few seconds, Delirious reluctantly got off his cot, walking over to Quick Time, his hooves clicking on the concrete floor as he did so. Giving a slight frown and a raised brow, he threw his hoof into Quick's, telling, "I'm H2O Delirious."

"Alright! Tight, tight, yeah man." The two parted, and Delirious went back to examining the jail room.

"I see you lookin' this place up like a hot mare. Trying to escape so soon?" Quick asked with a chuckle. "Trust me man, if there was a way out, I would have done it already." Opening the eyes he had prior closed, he noticed that Delirious was tossing something in his hoof. With a confused expression on his face, he asked, "What is that?"

Delirious tossed it into the air, catching it a fraction of a second later. Doing so twice more in rapid succession, he smiled. "Sticky bomb. Toss it, stick it, blow it, bitch."

Quick Time's jaw dropped to the floor, "They didn't take your weapons?!"

Delirious glared, his hoof patting the air in front of him as he snapped, "Shut the fuck up you fuckin' bitch! You don't want them to fuckin' hear you."

"Still, what the hell man?"

"I've got about forty weapons stashed with me. Nothing to worry about. Now shut the fuck up and take this."

Quick Time grit his teeth as the sticky bomb slid over to him. "Whoa whoa whoa, what the hell? What do you want me to do with it?!"

"Well," Delirious deadpanned, cocking his head like a bird, "my cell is a lot smaller than yours. If I blow the lock with that, there ain't no fuckin' way I'll survive it. Yours is larger. You can put it on your door and just jerk off in the fuckin' corner and you'd still live." Watching as Quick nervously grabbed the bomb, Delirious chuckled and gave him an unimpressed look. "What. Don't know how to work a clock?"

Quick, sitting on his haunches and prodding the explosive, turned to Delirious and gave him an annoyed glare, "Hey, piss off man. I don't work with bombs."

"Shame on you, bitch. Go buy some or something."

Quick slammed his hoof on the floor next to him, turned his head, and replied in aggravation, "I dunno where the hell you come from, but here you can't just go out and buy military explosives."

"Really?" Delirious asked, a genuine hint of confusion in his voice, "I guess that makes sense. People here are really pissy around blowing shit up..."

Quick rolled his eyes as he resumed his prodding of the sticky bomb, "Yeah," he said, picking it up in a hoof, "I wonder why..."

"Hey! Fuck off and get to work, you fuckin' bitch. Stop slackin', or I'll shoot you in yer fuckin' face!"

"Okay! Okay! Geez, dude! No need to get hasty!"

Delirious watched in silence as Quick placed the sticky bomb on his cell door, making sure to yell at him to place it on the lock itself and not anywhere else. As Quick began to fidget with the device on the door, Delirious began to stretch his body, knowing full well he would have to make a quick escape, and running and flying were his only means of evasion. Cocking his neck both ways, he worked on rotating his forehooves, not noticing as Quick sighed heavily and turned to him, a question on his mind.

"You know how to start the timer, right?"

The question roused him from his stretching. Knitting his eyebrows, he turned his head over to glare at Quick Time, "What, you think I'm fuckin' stupid or somethin'...? Of course I know how to work it."

"I'm not convinced in the slightest, man-"

"Well, maybe you don't have ta be, bitch! Do it yourself!"

"Look man, I can't head anywhere if you don't give me the right directions."

Delirious growled audibly, stomping toward the cell bars to the opposing chamber, "I had to figure it out when I first got 'em. You're on your own, bitch."

"Be honest. Do you actually know how to use this thing?"

Delirious mulled on the question, hummed to himself, and replied nonchalantly, his forelegs wrapped around the bars, "I don't have a fuckin' clue how they really work-"

"How what work?"

Delirious turned on a dime, Quick doing the same as he stepped away from the bomb on the door. Walking in from his escape route were a trio of fillies, the one leading them giving him a confused look as she asked, "And what the hay are you doin'?"

"Apple Bloom?! What the f- hell are you doin' here?!"

Apple Bloom gave him an unimpressed look, interrupted by the sound of another one speaking.

"Whoooooooa, man. You know these kids?"

"No, of... yeah, I do. So what?"

"Where you been living? Under a rock? You've never heard of Gabby Gums?"

The orange filly behind Apple Bloom spoke up in a gravely voice, pointing an accusing hoof at the brown Unicorn in the other cell, "Hey, watch it, jellytail! We've been done with that for years now!"

"Scootaloo! That wasn't nice!" A sweeter voice sounded out. "Say you're sorry!"

"But!"

"Don't be rude, Scootaloo."

"Grr, fine." Scootaloo turned like a marching trooper toward Quick Time, uttering out a monotone, "I'm sorry," she coughed, swiftly adding in, "featherbrain."

"Hey!" Quick Time shouted, "I heard that!"

"Anyhow," Apple Bloom continued, turning her attention back to Delirious, "Me an' the girls were wonderin' if y'all were alright, especially after Ah told 'em Ah..." Her voice trailed off, and she dipped her head, "..told on ya..."

Delirious frowned. He didn't know why, but he hated seeing that filly sad. "Hey now, wasn't your fault. Woulda come here anyway. Everyone else was pointing fingers at me."

"Well, still. Ah'm sorry, Ah shoulda tried ta help ya out back there," she said, lightly kicking the ground with a frown on her face.

"How the hell'd you even get in here anyway? Door's locked, and I know for a fact that kids can't visit criminals."

"Mah sis knows the sheriff. He di'n't really understand why Ah had ta see ya, but Ah thought, 'hey, y'all weren't able to meet mah friends.' Ah thought maybe you could meet 'em here!" She finished with a wave of her hooves.

The white Unicorn stepped forward with a large grin on her face and a cute wave of her white hoof, "Hi! I'm Sweetie Belle!"

Delirious smiled, waving slightly in return.

"And I'm Scootaloo, the awesomest filly you'll ever meet! Besides, uh, Rainbow Dash of course."

"I'm Aych Two..." he blinked in silence, and corrected himself, "I'm Delirious." Watching as the two fillies nodded in understanding, he shifted on the floor and crossed his forelegs, asking, "Hey, Scootaloo?"

She turned, "Yeah?"

"You say that Rainbow Dash girl is awesome, huh?"

Scootaloo smiled brightly, "Yeah! Rainbow Dash is the coolest Pegasus in the whole world! You wanna meet her, because I can, heh," she leaned against the wall next to her, looking uninterested in anything happening in the world around her, "totally set that up."

"Nah, I've got it. Already met her back in the hospital when I fought off those bark bitches-"

"You what?!" Scootaloo suddenly asked, tipping over and falling flat onto her face. Delirious jumped toward her slightly, but returned to his prior position as she looked at him from the ground, unscathed, "You fought off Timberwolves?"

Delirious laughed, about to retell the story, only to notice something on the orange Pegasus. Pointing a hoof, he asked, "Wait, what's that you got?"

Scootaloo raised a brow as she got up, but followed his hoof and realized what he wanted. Turning her body, she gave a sly smirk, "Oh, this thing? It's just the greatest cape made in the whole world!"

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle caught on, turning their bodies as well to reveal their own red capes.

"In the galaxy!"

"In the universe!"

The three sat this way for a second, allowing Delirious and Quick Time to take in the loud shouting, before they screamed.

"WE'RE THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!"

Delirious winced, rubbing his ear as he seethed, "You guys always have ta do that shit?"

The trio nodded vigorously.

"What do you even do?" He added.

Apple Bloom spoke happily, "We Crusade, of course! Try ta find our Cutie Marks!"

Delirious cocked an eyebrow, frowning in a confused manner.

"So, what, you guys like, super-heroes or something?"

"Well, I mean, sure, if doing wicked stuff to find out our special talents counts as superhero stuff!" Scootaloo said with a grin.

Delirious snorted to himself, turning his head to look out the window of the jail cell. Tilting his head, he noticed something far off in the distance. Realizing his proximity to the market, he got on his tip-hooves to look for Vanoss. Unsuccessful, he began to flare his wings, nonchalantly talking to the Crusaders as he did so. "So, you guys basically do random shit to get some tattoo on your ass?"

"No! It's not like that! It's more than just... that. It's our talent!"

"And, what," he asked, peering out the window, "you get tattoos for being good at something? Sounds like the fuckin' military-"

"What?!"

"The military," Delirious repeated, hovering in mid-air thanks to his wings. Turning his head, he asked, "What? Didn't hear me the first time-"

"No, not that!" Apple Bloom exclaimed. Joining her friends in pointing at him, he followed their gaze and looked at his flank.

"It's that!"

And, in one split second, Delirious realized that all hell was going to break loose in his future. His eyes shrank to pinpricks, and he froze, staring at the light blue fur marking his flank.

Bare, and devoid of any markings.

The Crusaders slowly turned to him with large, almost creepy grins on their faces, their eyes the size of dinner plates. They stared at him in silence, the only sound emanating being the ones of Delirious' wings flapping idly.

Blinking twice in rapid succession, Delirious fell to the floor, placed his hooves in his cheeks, and said simply.

"Shit."

Author's Notes:

I think Delirious curses more than I do in real life. I am known school-wide as the guy who says cunt every sentence.

>tfw people constantly spell Delirious wrong