Chapter 40

As Jeremy came to once more, he noticed Ethan was off in another room, and took advantage of the moment to gather his surroundings, hoping to either deduce where he was or a means of escape. The room was quite dark, so he could only make out that he was tied to a chair along one wall, and the room looked like it hadn’t been occupied for some time. Unfortunately, the only door out led right to where Ethan presumably was, and the sole window wasn’t helping much, providing only a view of a dark forest. Was it nighttime still, then? Or maybe this was the next day. How long had he been out? Thinking quickly, he attempted to send a mental message to Luna. Kidnapped – a little help? He thought, attempting to project his thoughts outward and only succeeding in worsening his headache. To his dismay, the response was so garbled that he couldn’t make it out – either they had finally discovered a limit to their mental connection, or he was so messed up after being drugged that their connection had frayed. So, that probably wasn’t working. What then? He was still wearing the suit – he surmised one or even all three of his marefriends could track it or him if necessary. Until then, he’d simply have to hold out.

Unfortunately, Ethan came back into the room and promptly noticed he was awake.

“Ah, good. Feeling better? Man, you have the chloroform tolerance of a baby, you went out like a light,” Ethan remarked, as casual as ever. Jeremy tried to laugh a little in an attempt to lighten the mood, but couldn’t bring himself to do much more than wheeze. “Abandoned house. Nice, huh? I scoped out the place before coming to collect you. Apparently, it’s been closed down due to asbestos, but I think we’ll be fine.” Jeremy looked up at him, coughing a little.

“So… isn’t this the part where you tell me just how the hell you tracked me down?” he asked, stalling.

“Heh. Yeah, this is that part, isn’t it? Where the good guy tells the bad guy just how he beat him. Alright, I’ll bite – you’re going to die either way. I’m sure you’re aware of my former escapade of Chrysalis, although she probably made me out to be a lot worse than I was,” Ethan began, pulling up a second chair.

“After that, I went back to my daily life – it was pretty depressing, being rejected from Equestria, I’ll tell you that much. After all, I befriended her when no one else would – don’t you think that entitles me to a little action?” Ethan claimed, gesturing at Jeremy. Jeremy rolled his eyes.

“Just continue the story,” he replied, trying to hold back the insults he wanted to hurl at this scum.

Ethan laughed. “Fine, since you’re such a good listener.  During my tour in Afghanistan, I became friends with a guy who later worked in the NSA – and I made a bet at the time that Chrysalis would want to contact more humans. So, I had my friend tap into the Hasbro email system – apparently, it wasn’t even that difficult. He sent me concept art, and I began to notice you. You looked awfully familiar, but I couldn’t quite place it. That was when I found this.” He pulled out a newspaper article, and with a sinking feeling, Jeremy saw his own picture staring back at him with the headline “Local Teen Rescues High School, Kills Over 100”. He had read that article – and concluded it was the usual sensationalist tripe. “Once I saw this, I knew who you were and where to find you. To my surprise, you never disappeared – how did you do that, by the way?”

Jeremy grimaced. “Time shenanigans,” he said by way of explanation.

Ethan chuckled. “Figures – did you get Twilight to do that?” Jeremy made a noncommittal motion with his head, the only part of him that could move.

“So, I knew where you were, and I knew you had been in Equestria at some point prior to now. Since then, I’ve been planning, and waiting,” Ethan finished. Jeremy sighed, the ropes around his chest uncomfortably restricting his breathing.

“Seriously, what is the NSA’s deal?” Jeremy complained. Ethan laughed, taking out his pistol again.

“Does it look like you get to ask questions?” he replied, polishing the small black gun with a cloth. Jeremy attempted to shrug, and failed miserably. “So, I asked you once and I’ll ask you again: What does Princess Celestia like? I know she’s with you, it wasn’t hard to figure that out when you drove back with a mysterious lady from your trip to Mexico,” Ethan slyly remarked.

Jeremy sighed. “She likes… singing. Heroic acts, apparently. And… you know, all the regular stuff a girl likes. Talking, complimenting her, helping her when she’s down. That sort of thing?” Jeremy tried. Ethan nodded, actually taking the time to write these down on a notepad he had also pulled out of a pocket.

“Right, well, it doesn’t seem like you’re pulling my leg, at any rate. Thanks, this has been helpful,” Ethan smoothly said as he put away the notepad.

“So… can I go, then?” Jeremy irritably asked. Ethan laughed.

“No, no, you misunderstand. I’m going to kill you anyway – can’t have you messing with my girls.” He pulled out the pistol, and aimed it at his head. “Last words?” Ethan asked, as polite as ever, and Jeremy once again strained to mentally connect with Luna, Celestia, Chrysalis, anybody. He’d even settle for Twilight Sparkle and the fourth-wall consequences that were inherent to her presence.

“You're a real douchebag if you think you're entitled to love - what are you, one of those ridiculous bronies with the fedoras and misogynistic attitude?" Jeremy taunted. If he was about to die, he was going to go out as snarkily as possible this time.

Ethan snarled at him. "It's a trilby, you assh-" he started, and began pulling his finger back on the trigger.

Before he could finish Jeremy off, he was interrupted by a knock on the door. “What the hell?” Ethan asked in consternation, but before he could finish, the door burst open, and four figures burst into the room. Luna was foremost, her eyes taken over by a burning blue aura and her face containing enough alicorn rage to remind Jeremy of Nightmare Moon. Chrysalis, off to the left, was baring her fangs at the sight of Ethan. To Jeremy’s surprise, Celestia was also present, eyes smoldering in anger – when had she shown up? His shock only increased when he saw the fourth figure was a human – a female, looking as though she had just gotten up.

To his credit, Ethan reacted remarkably quickly. He dove back into Jeremy’s room, pulling out his chair with difficulty and aiming the pistol straight at Jeremy’s head, the end of the barrel digging into his temple. “If I even see a horn lighting up, he dies,” Ethan warned, and Jeremy looked in shock at the blurry, dark rectangle off to his right. This was it – he was going to die, and they couldn’t save him. “How did you find me? I’ve been extra careful. Who even are you?” Ethan asked gruffly, directing his question at the lone human of the group.

“Mary Callahan, FBI,” she replied in an official voice. “And even if you kill him, we’ve got three super-powered horses and a trained agent on our side – there’s no way you’re getting out of this fight alive if you choose to initiate it.” To everyone’s surprise, Celestia and Luna both looked at her in shock and hurt, before returning their gaze to Ethan.

“So, Celestia, seeing as you don’t want this kid dead on the floor, what would you be willing to do to see him safe?” Ethan replied, sounding bored. Celestia gave him a furious glare.

“What… did you have in mind?” she asked carefully.

Ethan smiled. “Oh, I don’t know. Why don’t we get to know each other? You might find I’m not so terrible. We might even bond…”

Even Mary looked disgusted at this point, though Jeremy noticed she was slowly, almost imperceptibly moving her hand – to where, he didn’t know. Ethan’s eyes were still on Celestia.

“Oh, don’t give me that look. You think I wanted to pull all of this? No. I would have been happy to do things the regular way, but your changeling friend stopped me, for her own selfish reasons.” Chrysalis gave him a smile.

“Guilty as charged,” she mocked.

Ethan’s smile turned into an ugly frown, and he backed away slowly, still pointing the gun at Jeremy’s head. He grabbed an assault rifle off a table, and Jeremy recognized it – it was his own. How dreadfully ironic, he thought to himself. Ethan returned to the main room, now pointing the assault rifle at Chrysalis in addition to the pistol aimed at Jeremy’s head. “What, you think you’re funny? A hero too, is that it? You’re a changeling. Just a mindless enemy who didn’t even rate high enough to get her ass kicked by the Elements of Harmony,” Ethan snarled as he attempted to hold the weight of the gun with one hand, causing his entire arm to slightly shake.

It was then that Mary sprang into action, reaching back and pulling out her own sidearm in the space of less than a second. With practiced aim, she squeezed off a single shot at Ethan, aiming not for his body but for his arm, and scoring a hit. Ethan howled in pain, and dropped the pistol to clutch his arm in pain. “I’ll get you for that, bitch!” he roared. “But first, I’ll fucking finally give that overgrown insect some payback!” With that, he let off a burst of bullets at Chrysalis, who was far too slow to dodge them.

“No!” Jeremy cried as she slumped to the floor, lifeless and bleeding heavily.

Ethan swung his gun around, finger still on the trigger, and Luna rapidly countered by shielding all of them from the bullets. Before anyone could react, her horn began to emit a sphere of blue light, seemingly charging.

“Luna, no!” Celestia screamed, but it was too late: The area around Ethan blew apart in a colossal explosion, sending Jeremy flying through the window and completely demolishing the side of the house. Passersby stared as Jeremy flew backwards, landing on his front. The chair was demolished, but the ropes still held him tight to the fragments. Somehow, he was alright – no shrapnel? He looked back, and saw why: Luna appeared to have created a bubble of pure force rather than an actual explosion – aside from the chunks of wall sticking out of a few odd places on his suit, he wasn’t even hurt, and there were no visible scorch marks anywhere. Unfortunately, the ropes were as strong as ever, so he lay on his side and tried to angle his head for a better view of the fight.

Luna was by now going full-on crazy, shooting bolts of magic left and right. Celestia too was joining in, and Ethan was putting up a remarkable show by dodging and firing shots back at them, causing them to stop their attempts to avoid or deflect the bullets. Mary was shooting whenever she could, but wasn’t hitting much due to the chaos all around her. “We could have been something!” Ethan screamed. “But no, you had to throw it all away for this – this kid! What’s so special about him?!” Celestia responded with yet another beam of magic – this time a roaring column of fire that lit the grass on fire wherever it touched. When Ethan dodged this, Luna added in her own magic, turning the fire bright blue and causing the stream to bend towards Ethan, who weaved and rolled before issuing a spray of bullets, catching Luna in the chest. She staggered back, and Jeremy was about to cry out in shock. However, with a grim determination, she shook it off, and reared back to her hooves.

That’s my girl, Jeremy thought gratefully.

Unfortunately, Ethan had taken advantage of their momentary distraction to bound forward, bringing the gun down on Celestia’s head with a crack loud enough to be heard a block away. Celestia dropped like a stone, and Ethan snarled at Luna before bringing the gun in a wild arc towards Mary, who dropped her firearm in shock. “I’ve beaten your sister – you want me to fight you too?! Bring it on!” Ethan yelled as he brought his firearm back towards Luna and issued a spray of bullets directly at her – she had no way to dodge, and they were all aimed at her head. Jeremy closed his eyes. A soft sibylline laugh caused him to open them in utter shock, and for a moment the entire fight stopped. Luna looked up – she was protected by a bright green and very familiar magical sphere.

Chrysalis surveyed the scene, and Ethan stared at her as though he was seeing a ghost. “You – I just shot you, how are you alive?!” he exclaimed, momentarily letting the rifle drop.

“Changelings can’t die from just bullets, fool – this one learned that the hard way," she snarled, jerking a hoof at Jeremy. "As for how I’m healed, let’s just say being given enough love to power a city helps!” With that, she sprang forward, and Ethan reacted by swinging the gun up and shooting at her once more.

Because if something didn’t work before, that’s exactly what you do – you keep on trying until it does, Jeremy thought sarcastically. Sure enough, Chrysalis had extended her magical protection to herself as well, and she and Luna sprang forward. Oddly, the whole scene reminded Jeremy of his respective battles with Chrysalis herself and Nightmare Moon, but in exact reverse.

The fight ended quickly after that: Luna had used her magic to finally steal the assault rifle away from Ethan, and Chrysalis issued burst after magical burst of green energy around him until he backed away, crying and screaming “Okay, I surrender! Don’t kill me, dammit!” Chrysalis approached him.

“You know, if you had been actually nice to anyone, we might have accepted you. As it stands… I can see into your mind, worm, and one phrase strikes me in particular.” Ethan looked at her, curiously and still in fear. “Nice guys finish last,” Chrysalis laughed, and swung the butt of the rifle around, knocking him on the head and causing Ethan to finally collapse, unconscious. Jeremy breathed out a sigh of relief, and Chrysalis looked over.

“Jeremy!” she cried, Luna following her as she trotted over.

Jeremy gave a weak smile as they approached. “How’d you even find me, anyway?” he asked.

Luna gave a nervous laugh. “We informed Celestia of your disappearance, and she was about to track thee using the same spell she used to find thee last time, but we received a call from Mary. As it turns out, she is assigned to thee and tracks thy movements. Once she had discerned thou leaving the house at such an odd time, she called us to learn whether we were aware of this fact, and found we were not, we quickly got together and found thee.” Jeremy smiled over at Mary, who looked at him uncertainly.

“So… anyone going to untie me?” he asked, and Chrysalis started guiltily as she used her magic to loosen and finally snap the ropes. Stretching, Jeremy got up. “As for me, I got captured in the stupidest way possible: Woke up to gunshots, went out to investigate, and got myself chloroformed. So much for the perfect hero, huh?” he joked. He then looked at Celestia, and his expression turned grim.

“She’ll be fine – a bit sore in the morning, but we alicorns are tougher than thou think,” Luna answered, following his gaze.

“What about you?” You’ve been shot – don’t you need medical attention?” Jeremy protested, examining her wounds. Luna lit her horn once more, and her wounds magically healed, the bullets popping out and gently thumping on the floor. She pitched forward, and Jeremy caught her. Chrysalis too looked a little dazed.

“Might’ve used up a bit more magic than I should’ve,” she muttered. Fortunately, she was still strong enough to stand, and assisted Jeremy and Mary in lugging the unconscious forms of Celestia and Luna to Mary’s car.

They drove to Jeremy’s house in silence. “So… tracking me, I see. How's that work?” Jeremy commented to Mary, who gave him a tired grin.

“Yeah, that’s my job – keeping track of an important political figure. I tracked you by your cellphone - hope you don’t mind the intrusion?” she asked.

“Just this once, I’ll let it slide.” Jeremy replied with a hint of gratitude.

“So… is this normal? Talking horses, magic battles...?” Mary asked.

Chrysalis sharply sat up. "Don't call us that!"

Mary looked at her through the rearview mirror. "I'm sorry, is that offensive?" she inquired.

Chrysalis nodded. "It's a highly derogatory and sexual term where we come from - just call us 'ponies'."

In response to her question, Jeremy deeply sighed. “My life is never normal,” he grumbled, and Chrysalis chuckled in the back seat, holding the sleeping alicorns from bumping around with a hoof.

It seemed the FBI were very good at convincing the passersby who had seen into alternative explanations, and Jeremy was grateful for that: The last thing he wanted was to be famous again. Mary had driven off with Ethan in custody shortly after dropping the four off at Jeremy’s house, claiming that the psychotic soldier “would never be seen again.” Jeremy normally objected to such anti-transparent methods of disposing of political prisoners, but a look from Chrysalis suggested she thought his punishment, whatever it might have been, was far too light. Celestia and Luna healed remarkably quickly, and Jeremy apologized endlessly for getting them into such trouble.

“Oh, stop!” Luna exclaimed after a recent bout. “It’s about time we saved thee anyway – thou were stealing all the good adventures.”

Celestia giggled, and Jeremy reluctantly let it go. Chrysalis, as soon as she was certain the two alicorns were alright, embarrassedly asked Jeremy for some love – she was running dangerously close to starving again. To her shock, Jeremy swept her up and kissed her on the lips, and she immediately returned the favor. Jeremy settled down into a chair as he felt more and more lightheaded, and finally broke away, claiming that he would pass out if he gave any more. Jeremy smiled at Celestia and Luna, who were watching with adoration.

“More where that came from,” he added, and they blushed. And Jeremy finally relaxed – he was once and for all, finally certain that he would never have to fight for this heaven again.

Next Chapter: Chapter 41 Estimated time remaining: 5 Hours, 26 Minutes