Chapter 16

9-23-13, 3:07 P.M.

Jeremy relaxed in his office, trying to find a comfortable position. He was bored out of his mind, and quickly running out of things to draw. He had exhausted the available supply of weapons to draw – if he didn’t come up with something new soon, he would most likely be out of a job. But what to do? He lounged about for a while, attempting to come up with something and failing miserably. The fact was, he simply didn’t have enough cultural experience to draw on for much longer – and while he certainly had a few ideas for original weapons, they were all pipe dreams. He decided to take a break, and checked the portal to the changeling hive – it was still open. Which reminded him – he needed to design a way to turn the portals off. He began drawing on a new sheet of paper, already satisfied that he had found something to do.

He had barely started when there was a knock on the door. Jeremy frowned – he wasn’t expecting anyone. He opened the door to find a lime green pony with mint-colored hair, and a beige pony with blue and pink hair – obviously Lyra and Bon Bon. “Er… hello,” he greeted them. Lyra gave a squeal of joy and held out a hoof. “Hi, my name is Lyra and this is Bon Bon! I can’t believe I’m meeting a real human!” Oh yeah, Jeremy remembered. This was the background pony, who many believed had an obsession with humans for some reason.

Odd how we predicted that, he thought as he shook her hoof. “I’m Jeremy, nice to meet you.” He invited them inside, and they sat down at an unused worktable. “So, what brings you here?” Jeremy asked.

Bon Bon rolled her eyes at Lyra. “She’s a big fan of humans – no offense, but they’re presumed mythical.” Jeremy chuckled.

“You know what’s ironic? I haven’t met a single intelligent species here that wasn’t mythical back on our planet.” Lyra nodded, eager for more information, so Jeremy continued. “Unicorns? Fictional. Pegasi? Nope, don’t exist either. You can guess about alicorns. Ponies do exist, but they’re… different. They don’t talk, or anything – kind of like how pets are here. Let’s see… Dragons are mythical, gryphons too, and I never even heard of draconequii until I started researching this place.”

He steepled his fingers, and thought about what to say. “So… what about you? Are there any cool legends about humans I should know about?”

Lyra blushed, and Bon Bon laughed. “She’s written most of the current works on humans,” Bon Bon explained. Lyra blushed even harder. “Just a few… stories I wrote,” she mumbled.

Jeremy chuckled. “I’d actually like to read those someday, if you don’t mind,” he responded. Lyra promised she would mail copies over, and shook his hand once more before leaving.

For a moment, he sat at his desk before resuming his drawing. Well, that was… fascinating, Jeremy reflected. It seemed some non-canon interpretations of ponies were actually affecting their personality. Or was it the other way around? Maybe some psychic influence whispered to the viewers about personality traits not yet revealed on the show. Jeremy groaned and attempted to stave off his rising temporal headache by drinking some water. If he was thinking such metaphysical thoughts, it was fairly clear that he was back to being bored. He decided to build something random, and began rummaging through the parts bin in the main work area. A few minutes later, he had pulled out a coil of wire, some huge capacitors, a trigger mechanism, and a small adjustable nuclear power source. Jeremy stared at the fusion battery for a moment – if Earth had even one of these, their energy problems would be solved. Then again, if Earth had a lot of the stuff Equestria had… they would probably just use it to kill each other even faster, wouldn’t they.

He went over to the workstation. One in particular was used for prototyping models, as the user could draw a three-dimensional hologram and have it printed out in any material they wanted, provided they inserted the material or its components into a tray. He drew up a simple tube, with both ends open and a handle on one end. While it printed, he went over to the newly formed electronics station – evidently Luna had been looking into more than just his surface thoughts. Or maybe she had done some research of her own – Jeremy did seem to remember that she was the one who built the circuit for the infrared camera. Either way, he began soldering together his pet project. It was fairly simple – the capacitors got wired in parallel, and hooked up to the coil and the trigger, which in turn were hooked up to the battery. When he clicked the trigger, the metal contacts shorted, creating a quick but very strong magnetic field – it was like a coilgun on steroids. The power supply could be adjusted to output any current he wished, so he set it to one amp for testing. Grabbing a nail from the parts bins, he placed it to the side before walking over and grabbing the freshly printed ‘gun’ part. The plastic was lightweight, but durable. Jeremy walked over to the glue station, and grabbing a tube of industrial strength, fast-setting glue, went outside and used the heat of the sun to evaporate the glue solvent and attach everything that much quicker. Ten minutes later, it was dry and ready for testing. Jeremy walked back inside, grabbed the nail, and placed it down the barrel before puzzling over where to aim. In the end, he decided on the ground – it was better than shooting holes in the walls. He aimed the barrel just a little downward so the nail wouldn’t fall out, and clicked the trigger. The nail shot out much faster than his eye could follow, and he concernedly looked for where it had landed. To his surprise, he found only a small hole in the ground, angled about where he shot from – the nail had dug right through the earth. Jeremy didn’t want to dig it up, so he placed the gun on an empty workstation and labeled it before going back to drawing.

9-23-13, 6:47 P.M.

Dinner had been nice – he had grabbed a grilled vegetable sandwich, and had been pleasantly surprised at the flavor combination. As he walked back into the office, he noticed another box waiting for him, right next to the coilgun. Next to that was a note. “This ‘coilgun’ is very intriguing – it is such a simple weapon… Keep up the good work! I hope you like your present – we only just got around to boxing it. Love, Luna,” Jeremy read aloud. Aw yeah, a present. He grabbed a knife and tore the box open, noting that the package was much longer than it was wide. In the box were a pair of white boots, with black heel braces bent into an upside-down question mark. Jeremy was inordinately pleased – he had to start making up for these ridiculously amazing presents to Luna somehow. Inside was another note, so before he put them on, Jeremy picked that up and read it. “Maybe try these out with the suit?” was written in Luna’s typical dark blue, cursive writing. One of the many things Jeremy was embarrassed about was his writing – it looked like chicken scratch compared to hers. Oh well. He went over and got on the suit, and then slipped the boots on over that. It was a little difficult to walk using just the balls of his feet, but the brace in the back certainly helped – it was sturdy and almost inflexible, made of what could have been rubber. Just then, Jeremy remembered he had to go talk to Celestia – he didn’t have time to undress, so he immediately set off for the castle. It was a short walk, but there were plenty of stairs and places to jump, so he got some practice in with the boots. As expected, he felt not a single jolt of shock from landing – it was like he was taking steps, only his feet were both off the ground. As soon as he entered the castle grounds, the sun lowered and the moon rose. At this point, Jeremy was used to the sudden change. He headed towards the throne room, noting that less ponies were out and about in the castle at night. He vaguely wondered if Luna had enough company, but remembered she had her own guards.

Celestia greeted him with a small smile when he entered. “Greetings, Jeremy,” she stated, then waited for him to approach. Jeremy did so, feeling like he was about to enter on a noble quest or something.

“So, yeah, I wanted to talk to you about the whole changeling business. I know I was being rash, but I saw a solution I thought worked for everybody, and I made it happen before you made it impossible to happen,” Jeremy explained. Celestia nodded serenely.

“I suppose that makes sense, but next time give me a little heads-up when you think of something like that – until Luna told me about your interesting design for the love machine, I could have sworn you were under Queen Chrysalis’ spell.” Jeremy nodded – understandable. Celestia appeared to be examining his getup. “Say, where did you get those boots?” she noted.

“Oh, these? I just got them today. Luna made them for me, and they are amazing.” Oddly, Celestia’s expression darkened somewhat upon hearing her sister’s name – but only for a moment, before returning to normal.

“I suppose Luna makes a lot of things for you?” she asked, her tone carefully modulated to sound serene and wise as usual.

Jeremy had the distinct feeling he had done something wrong, but wasn’t entirely sure what. “Yeah, we make a lot of stuff together – I do the drawing, she does the building, and then I do the testing,” he mentioned casually. Clearly this was the wrong thing to say, as Celestia once again twitched with anger, not quite fast enough to be a spasm but not slow enough to be easily noticeable.

“You must really care for her,” Celestia noted.

“Yes… I do,” Jeremy replied, by now thoroughly uncertain where this conversation was going.

“Could you care for me in the same way?” Celestia asked, a hint of seduction creeping into her voice. Jeremy was officially alarmed – was Celestia hitting on him?

"Um..." he intelligently responded. Princess Celestia gently laughed.

"Oh, you are funny. I can see why Lulu likes you so much! But, after all, it's pretty clear who's got the better looks, don't you think?" she asked, flipping her mane stylishly.

“I… appreciate the offer… but I’m already boyfriend to Luna, so I’m gonna have to say no,” he answered. This time, Celestia’s fury stayed on her expression.

“Is she better than me? How? I am the protector and ruler of this land, the wisest and most powerful princess in all Equestria, the goddess of the sun – there is none better than I!” Her expression wild, she sprang off her throne and faced him, wings outstretched threateningly. “How dare you reject me for her!”

Jeremy decided that now would be an excellent time to run. “Sorry, but that's how I feel and... bye!” Jeremy said, backing away. Celestia almost looked as though she would follow through and attack him, but then her wings and head drooped down, and she adopted an expression that suggested she was about to cry. Jeremy, unsure of how sincere she was being, continued backing out the door, and as soon as he was out booked it into the night, heading for the office.

What the hell? What the actual hell? was the only thought Jeremy could process as he slowed his pace to a jog. Clearly he had made some social misstep – but what? As far as he knew, Jeremy was within his rights not to leave Luna for Celestia. That was the point of romantic love – together for life, right? He was so confused, and needed someone to talk to - someone who knew stuff about pony romance. Luna was out of the question - she'd probably either laugh at him or hate him for hurting her sister. It occurred to him that if there was anyone who could help him with his romance problem, it was Chrysalis – and she was right around the corner, so to speak. Jeremy checked her room – Chrysalis still wasn’t there. He ventured out into the changeling hive, still not seeing her. He noticed that less changelings were gathered around the love machine – some were clustered around the edge of the chasm, looking down. Jeremy walked over and joined them, looking down himself. To his surprise, Chrysalis was on a lower ledge about thirty feet down, speaking with a larger, male changeling, who appeared to be holding a changeling baby. This Jeremy had to see, so he decided to put his newly made Long Fall Boots to a more serious test, and jumped down. He landed with a small thump, once again feeling nothing. Now that he was down here, he could hear the conversation.

“But, my Queen- !” the male changeling protested.

“Silence, drone! I will be obeyed. You know the rules – we must curtail production of larvae. We are no longer at war.” The drone lowered his head in submission, and flew off.

Chrysalis turned around, noticing Jeremy leaning against a cave. “Hello again. What brings you all the way down here?” she asked.

Jeremy raised an eyebrow. “It wasn’t that far down. Anyway, I was hoping I could get your advice on something.” Chrysalis smirked.

“Let me guess. Romantic problems?” Jeremy tentatively nodded, and Chrysalis laughed. “You’re asking the queen of changelings on love advice! This is rich. Very well, I’ll help you.” She flew up to the ground-level ledge, and Jeremy looked up, stupidly remembering that he couldn’t get back up easily. Well, there were convenient handholds from the odd ovoid holes that pockmarked the hive walls. He cracked his knuckles, and began climbing up the wall. A few minutes later, he was on top, panting from the effort.

“You know… you could have… teleported me… to save time…” he panted. Chrysalis chuckled.

“But then I wouldn’t get to watch you be so landlocked – it’s hilarious!” Jeremy groaned, and followed her to her personal hive.

Chrysalis took an extremely suggestive pose on the floor, almost mockingly seductive in nature. “So, my little romantic grub, what’s the problem?” Jeremy, after hesitating for a moment, took a seat in front of her and began to explain.

“…And then I got the hell out of there,” he finished. Chrysalis considered his words for a moment.

“And you said the reason you couldn’t be with her was because you were already with Luna?” Jeremy nodded. “Interesting… I can see what you did wrong, but her response wasn’t right either…” Chrysalis mused.

“Okay, so what did I do?” Jeremy asked, putting aside his apparently shared reservations towards Celestia’s personality towards him.

“To put it one way, you were being very rude by rejecting her at all – though… Hmm. How many marefriends do humans normally have back home?” Chrysalis asked seriously.

Jeremy darkly chuckled. “The legal limit on marefriends on Earth is zero – remember we talked about the whole ‘sentient-species-only’ thing? As for girlfriends, the human term, the limit is one – any more and it’s a crime, or something.”

Chrysalis nodded understandingly. “And there’s your problem – here, there’s no such limit,” she revealed. Jeremy was visibly surprised by this.

“You can have as many partners as you want?” he asked, alarmed.

“Yes,” Chrysalis affirmed.

“Why? I’ve never seen any evidence of this,” he noted.

Chrysalis sat up in a more serious pose. “The population of Equestria is so low, they don’t need such limits – the only reason I know of them is observing them in other species. Gryphons, for example, only take one life partner.”

Jeremy nodded, semi-interested. “So, when I turned her down, she thought I was being a prude instead of the other way around?” Jeremy asked, to confirm his thoughts. Chrysalis nodded.

“Actually, I was wondering the same thing when you turned me down, a few days ago.” Jeremy looked at her.

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Anyway, now you know why, and… Sorry, I guess?”

Chrysalis waved a hoof in dismissal. “That’s alright. So, with that settled… what are you going to do now?”

Jeremy thought a while. “I suppose I should go explain, again, to Celestia, and apologize… again. And… try not to get incinerated by sun powers? That’s pretty high on the list.” Chrysalis laughed.

“I know the feeling. All I can say is… tread carefully.” Jeremy nodded, and got up and left the cave.

He didn’t stick around in the office, instead immediately heading back to his apartment. There, he got on his pajamas, and climbed into bed. Instead of sleeping, he stared at the ceiling, still a little in shock at what he had just learned. Jeremy hoped he was still alive by the end of tomorrow – he had been through a lot, but right now nothing scared him more than talking to Celestia again.

Next Chapter: Chapter 17 Estimated time remaining: 10 Hours, 4 Minutes