The day after my last other universal adventure had been pretty uneventful so far.

I hadn’t questioned my existence since last night, when I finally convinced myself that if I was a fanfiction, it was probably the DM’s. Then I cornered him on it. He just said no, we’re not fanfiction. I mean, seriously, he wasn’t writing anything, and nothing was above him.

Anyways, the day had been uneventful so far. I had gotten up like normal, hunted down some food, and then did a bit of self training and planning on how to stop Tirek… wherever he was after I used ‘Hit Stream ad Finem’ on him.

It was just about time for me to go and try and get dinner, when I was warned by a stone Pinkie Pie. Something about her Pinkie Sense, an incoming pony, and family. She ran off before I could ask her to slow down and explain what she meant.

Oh well, it couldn’t have been that importa-

…… Is that a pony coming over the horizon?..... With a dust trail?..... AND WHY DOES SHE LOOK ANGRY AS HELL?!

Well, I got some answers when the pony’s hoof collided with my face. It was indeed a pony, it was obvious from the hoof and the shape of who hit me. There was indeed a dust trail, some of it hit me when it collided, plus there was the fact the speed that the pony hit me turned into pure force…. which made me do an impossible three backflips before falling onto my back. The last of it all I had yet to understand. Why was this pony so angry?

Next thing I knew, the pony threw me back into the cave chamber containing the Tree of Harmony. Honestly, I’m lucky that the tree is made of pure crystal, making it nigh indestructible, because I swear, I would have gone farther if it weren’t for that tree.

Well, at least now I could get a good look of the pony…. Considering the fact that they freaking rammed into me right after I collided with the tree. No joke, they’re even using their foreleg to pin me, and choke me. All I could tell is that it was a grey pony with a purple mane. I couldn’t see the cutie mark, meaning it could have virtually been anyone.

“Where is my sister,” the pony said coldly.

It was now that I finally realized who it was. The pony who had me pinned against a tree. The pony who was strangling, no, beating me within an inch of my life….. was Maud Pie…..

And she thought I did something to Pinkie Pie……

HOLY SHIT, I’M GOING TO DIE!

“Maud…. Maud!” I choked out. “Didn’t….. do…. any…. thing….”

“Where. Is. SHE?!” Maud said angrily, and progressively getting more angry.

I was starting to lose feeling in my biological body. Thank goodness for Hyperion technology, because it reached up and blasted her.

Maud went flying backwards into the wall of the chamber. She got up a few seconds later and shook herself off. She then charged at me again. I was still recovering, however, so I couldn’t react in time. Again, thank goodness for Hyperion. The AI might have been an accident, but I sure as hell enjoy having Righty in my arm. Righty raised up the arm again, but instead of shooting her back again, this time, she was trapped in a field of telekinesis. As I recovered, I watched as she floated there, squirming in the telekinetic grip of Righty, who was probably using my magic pool….. which was infinite….

Again, HOLY CRAP! She could be stuck there forever! Just so long as Righty holds up, she’s stuck there.

That gave me an idea.

I started walking down the hallway to the organ room with a gently floating Maud following closely behind. Ya know, I knew nothing about this type of spell, it was all Righty.

“Hey Righty,” I said. “Remind me to get you a freaking body when we’re done.” Righty just stuck up his thumb in response. I knew he was just showing the least amount of emotion, but that was probably because he was holding up Maud with magic….

Actually, that reminds me. I didn’t even know what gender Righty was. I swear, that was going to keep me confused for a while. I need to ask Righty when I get the chance…. or just get Righty a body and figure out which gender it decides to make itself.

Anyways, we all came upon the room containing the Organ to the Outside. Inside the room were all of the stone ponies, but Pinkie was nowhere to be seen. They were all animate, so they had to be in the room, but where was Pinkie?

I got my answer when she popped up in front of me and yelled “SURPRISE!”

“Gah!” I screamed. “Pinkie! Don’t scare me like that!”

“Sorry, Dox,” Pinkie said. “It wasn’t a surprise for you, though. It was a surprise for Maud!” She leaned out from behind me and looked at the pony floating in magic and waved. “Hi Maud!”

Maud went slack jawed. It was the most amount of emotion I had EVER seen on her, show or otherwise. She then broke through the magic field holding her and slammed into me, pinning me into the floor. “What did you do to her?!” She yelled, tears now starting to pour from her eyes. She punched me in the nose. “Answer me!” She punched me in the face again. “Answer me!” She punched me yet again. “ANSWER ME!” She kept laying into me, tears flowing freely from her face all the while.

It was a few minutes before the punching stopped. My nose had long since been broken, her first punch had made sure of that. There was blood flowing freely from my nose and from the corner of my mouth, as well as a few cuts that she had made. My right eye was swollen, and I’m pretty sure my robotic eye, which was on the left side of my face, had cracked or broken the optic, considering I could no longer see out of it. Going to have to get that repaired when I can.

I did not move, instead listening to the pony that had collapsed on my chest, crying. When I did decide to move, I moved to drape my left arm over Maud, holding her close while she cried.

“I’m sorry, Maud,” I said simply. “I wasn’t there in time. I know I could have stopped it, but I just wasn’t there to do so. I’m sorry.” Maud did not reply, instead crying her eyes out on my chest, her tears staining her face and my hoodie.

After what felt like an eternity of hearing Maud cry, she finally spoke up.

“Who did this?” she asked.

“Celestia,” I said. “But she’s not in her right mind. Something is affecting her mind. And that something is a fell shadow, no. Fell eclipse known as Tirek. He corrupted Celestia into thinking that I was the enemy, that I was going to bring ruin to Equestria. I’m going to do the opposite, however. I’m going to save Equestria, and everyone on it while I’m at it. But I’m not sparing Tirek. He deserves to meet his end now.”

“And I’ll help you,” Maud said, cheering up slightly. “No one messes with the Pie family and gets away with it. No one.”

“Well then, glad to have you on the team,” I said. “Now, about your help. As your first bit of help, I’d like it if you could please help me bandage up my nose. Righty, give her some schematics on what to do, please. And if you can, when you’re done, I’d like it if you could please call up Handsome Jack. I have to talk to him about repairing things and possibly getting you a body.”

It took Maud a few hours to bandage me up. It wasn’t as bad as it could have been, though. Luckily, my healing factor applied to everything, as Maud told me that she had used enough force to destroy the entire room when she was hitting me.

Afterward, I had Righty scan around for some resources by syncing it up to the computer on my left arm. If Righty was going to have a body, I was going to either make it, or pay Jack to make it. Luckily, we found some iron, aluminum, copper, nickel, titanium, and amazingly, mythril. There was also a bit of ruby, sapphire, and emerald. It made me remember the changelings I had left in Drake’s Equestria. I had to call them up some time when I got the chance.

Now, however, I was back in the room with the Tree of Harmony, calling Handsome Jack, just waiting for him to pick up. A pile of minerals and gems waiting next to me, courtesy of the digging of Maud. Man, she was EXTREMELY helpful when it came to ANYTHING involving rocks and or mining.

Eventually, someone picked up. Whom happened to be familiar, and quite terrifying for how she could be, as a familiar F.A.U.S.T. was wearing in all appearances, a tight form fitting white bathrobe. Her cable mane looked to have been styled, even her cable tail swished in annoyance, with those watching this image take form of a healthy looking Anthro Alicorn with fluttering wings behind her. “Thou calls on us, young champion of DM? For we see thou has a friend at present too.”

“Actually, I have more than this,” I said to F.A.U.S.T.. I turned to Maud and continued. “Hey, Maud, can you go get everyone else? They need to see who I’m talking to.”

Maud had been bowing her head, but at my querry, got up and ran off to go get everyone else.

“Ah, Maud,” I said. “Just gotta love that pony.”

Taking a cursory look over of his condition before frowning, gesturing to his condition while the token scanned him. “Thou appear to have suffered a recent beating of a quadruped sort, we assume there is decent variation compared to our’s? For we’re curious about this version of ‘our’ dau-” It was quite possibly at this point that a very animate Luna statue rushed into the room with her eyes darting in all directions.

“Where is our mother?!” she shouted after looking around. “We demand to see her! NOW! Dox! Where is our mother? We heard her! Where is she and who is it that being coming out of that piece of metal?!”

F.A.U.S.T. projected by the Hyperion Acquisition Beacon Turned her head that is strikingly familiar to said princess before openly stating this in a regal tone. “Thou would be looking at us daughter of ‘ours’, though, know we are speaking by this token that Dox has ‘recovered’.” She shifted her weight as her arms crossed under her endowed bust giving a concerned look upon seeing.

“Mother?” Luna questioned. “But why do you look like this? What has happened to you?”

“Luna,” I said. “Remember that whole ‘Displaced’ thing I told you all about? Well, she’s from one of those other universes. The Displaced there is a man called Handsome Jack. He’s a good person. In fact, he’s the man who owns and runs the company that gave me the new arm and the eye.” I turned to F.A.U.S.T. before continuing. “Speaking of that, the eye broke when Maud was hitting me. Can’t see a thing out of it.”

F.A.U.S.T. leveled a withering look at me, which surprisingly was rather effective with Luna being caught in the crossfire of being in view as she scolded me. “Thou must realise that such things need to be taken care of much better, otherwise we will have to expect this every time thou calls-”

“No!” Fluttershy screamed. “No! Stop it, Renkinjutsu! You don’t have to kill yourself for seeing her!” Renkinjutsu started screaming angrily in Japanese. “No! You didn’t dishonor anyone! Stop trying to kill yourself!”

“One second,” I said. I then walked over to Renkinjutsu and took his knife away. I held the pommel in my left hand, and with my right hand, snapped the blade clean off. “Don’t do that again,” I threatened. “You’re worth more than that. No one is dishonored here.”

“Hai,” Renkinjutsu said. “Sorry…. But I….. I….”

“I nothing,” I said. “Please, you’re worth more than that. Plus you mean even more to those around you. Fluttershy there is counting on you. You’re to be wed, remember?”

“Hai,” he said. “I am sorry.”

“Alright then,” I said. I turned back to F.A.U.S.T. “Now, I believe you were scolding me about breaking my eye? In my defence, she can mine through solid stone and ores like as if they’re butter and she’s a diamond drill. She was also extremely angry.”

The anthro Alicorn in question leveled the earth pony Maud a look, as if directing her to look at me with her digit pointed towards him. “You Filly, thou will first apologise to the DM’s Champion for performing violent action upon his form, then at another time thou will repay the costs he must undergo to have what thou had caused fixed. Understood?” Waiting for her to nod with a slightly lower head before continuing. “What has transpired to cause all of this?” Gesturing to the stone ponies moving about at present, as seeing Luna visibly sitting next to me to be close enough to the hologram.

“The Celestia here was corrupted by a fell eclipse known as Tirek,” I said. “He’s tainted her mind to the point of making her think that she’s what this world needs as a protector. She petrified these ponies. She was even able to petrify me, and destroy that petrified body. Luckily for me, I was able to get a new one.”

Giving me a look before gesturing towards Luna to speak up. “Thou claim to nor had seen the signs of thy own SISTER was not of sound mind nor body, to continue ruling in any capacity? For we believe there is a clause we had instated that allowed a temporary regent to hold commanding position, as the Champion could receive thou mark as proof of this if the laws are the same or similar here.” F.A.U.S.T. intoned looking at anypony present who could confirm this spoke thought process.

“That could work!” Twilight exclaimed. “We’d need the mark, first. But I know exactly what it looks like! The problem is, it has a magic signature attached to it.”

“Well,” Luna interjected. “We know our mother’s mark better than anyone. We also know how the magic feels. If mother were to put the mark on Dox’s arm, and he were to scan it, we could check with him to see if it is the same.”

“I’ll do you one better,” the voice of the DM said from Renkinjutsu. “I’ll check it. If it’s not right, I’ll change it. But I doubt it wouldn’t be. I know that F.A.U.S.T., she has the same signature as this one.”

“Wow,” I said. “DM, way to be creepy as always.”

F.A.U.S.T. simply looked at the possessed pony, giving a leveled look before smiling lewdly. “Thou art being a Voyeur like us once more, though not so subtle oh ‘Master of Dice Rolls’. But give us this arm thou wishes it upon and we shall, with also a bonus from an idea that Jack’s been developing.” She stated rather cryptically though a couple vials were digistructed in a small container big enough to fit six cigars was marked with a medical sign.

“Um, okay,” I said. I presented my right arm. “Okay, now what?”

The token Digistructed the arm out of my grasp and into her own, giving a sidelong look at Luna’s apparent rapt attention. Beginning the process of a Mark upon the hand of said arm so it could be clearly shown, before infusing it with her magic signature that leaves it glowing with a pulse matching the arm’s power spikes. “This shalt do, though perhaps Luna’s as well will show more than one whom has faith in said champion.” She stated, only to return it to my hand once more Digistructed into view with a slight change on the inner side of the forearm for a few unlabeled buttons.

“Hey, what do these do?” I asked.

Ignoring my question, F.A.U.S.T. looked at Luna asking this. “How art thou on the timing of this conversation Little Moon?” Giving a motherly smile that could buckle many a male’s legs as her voice was that of a loving tone. Shining’s jaw dropped, and Cadence in turned smacked him, reminding him that he was indeed married.

“We art fine, mother,” Luna said, stepping closer to the token. “How art thou?”

Giving a small sigh before she started, as her expression seemed a bit harder now than before. “Thou would not believe the mess that our Jack is struggling through, from tech of rival companies ‘mysteriously’ popping up in paws, talons or digits of other places attempting to gun at our human. That tis NOT including these ‘vault hunters’ whom have stolen a Vault Key that could very well be the precursor to leading up to his death! We have been spending more cycles focusing on paths of availability to ensure this won’t happen, but he is believing it will become self fulfilling.” Her ears drooped and her head a bit lower, as she seemed to appear more like a mare worried about her young stallion or colt.

“Thou speak of him as if he is thou’s special somepony,” Luna said. “Mother, what has been going on over there?”

“Special somepony~?” Cadence chimed. “Did I just hear that someone has a special somepony?”

Blinking quickly before a powerful flush raced across her robotic muzzled face, acting as if trying to keep the conversation down before looking back and to the side before speaking again. “We have been through much which is quite ‘different’ than thou knows of, we owe our second life to Jack because he used his alien methods to bring us back from death. Even if he did claim to have ‘bastardized science’ to accomplish the task that not even necromancy could hold a candle to, as we breathe and live as though we hadn’t died. We fell for him the moment we awoken from that, carefully in subtle gestures groomed him to accept us or at least one whom isn’t human and not feeling dirty.” She said smiling a bit more before gesturing to her robe.

“Oh!” Cadence squealed. “It’s so romantic! A fair princess falls, but a valiant knight rescues her from death!”

“Tis romantic,” Luna said. “But to steal away a mare from death. We may not approve of his methods, but tis very noble.”

“Alright,” I said. “Now, you said you’d mark Luna? How do you plan on doing that while she’s made of stone?”

The hologram of F.A.U.S.T. gestured to the earlier Digistructed medical cigar sized container, stating what was within it. “We believe this alchemical cure for petrification will be suitable to the task, though to be sure we had intensified the dosage.” She stated in a matter-of-fact tone, now rather neutral in tone.

The possessed Renkinjutsu walked up and examined the case. “That should even make them immune to petrification for a few days,” the DM stated. “It should be plenty effective. But you only sent six. There’s eight petrified ponies.”

“Alright then,” Shining spoke up. “Then I vote my wife and Luna get unpetrified. Then I say the elements get unpetrified.”

“But Shiny!” Twilight interjected. “That makes seven! There’s only six vials!”

“I’ll stay as is,” Pinkie said. “If it makes you all smile, then I’ll do it.”

“Pinkie….” Twilight said. “Thank you…”

“He’s right!” Fluttershy whisper yelled. “Discord was also petrified! We need to save him! He’ll be a big help!”

“Alright,” Twilight said. “Then I’ll stay in stone, too.”

“You’re a princess, Twi,” Rainbow said. “They’ll need you. I’ll stay in stone.”

“No, Rainbow,” Twilight said. “We can’t just-”

“I don’t care, Twi,” Rainbow said. She then ran over to the box, pulled out a vial, then poured the liquid down Twilight’s throat. She then spit out the vial, which shattered on the ground. “And besides, it’s too late now.”

“Rainbow!” Twilight exclaimed, cracks slowly appearing on her. “Why did you do that?”

“Because someone has to stay behind,” Rainbow stated. “Why not it be me and the one that can help me enjoy it?”

“Yeah!” Pinkie said.

F.A.U.S.T. was smiling at the progression, giving Luna a look to make sure she took it while smiling at me when her focus shifted onto me. “Thou have good ponies present besides our youngest daughter, though do be sure of accounts be paid in full in the future after this. As we included how thy friend in the arm can help thou in combat.” She stated pointing at one of the unlabeled buttons on the arm she marked.

“Wait what?” I asked. I pressed the button. “What does it- WHOA!”

A not so blinding moment of rainbow light appeared before me, forming into a Griffin Female anthro by appearances giving me a look before whacking my face with ‘her’ tail that got quite a few ponies blushing from the action.

“Holy crap,” I said. “Hello, Righty….”

“Hello Dox,” she said. Her voice was considerably smooth, like a river. It didn’t have the same effect as F.A.U.S.T. but was still amazing.

“Ya know,” I said. “I think you need a new name.”

“Oh, you don’t say?” she said. “But I love being referred to as your jackoff hand.” With the last comment, she smacked me in the face with her tail.

“Wow, sassy,” I said.

Smiling at the A.I., F.A.U.S.T. looked at the ponies whom had taken a drink of the potion, seeing Luna in her freed state at last. “Thou shalt take thy time marking him, for we wouldn’t want the conversation to trail off again do we daughter?” Nodding her to Dox as well as the last vial, to be intended for the spirit of chaos. I took the vial and stored it in one of my pockets for when I saw Discord next.

“Hey!” I said. “I’m just as responsible as these guys!”

F.A.U.S.T. gave me a look before pointing at me then one of her eyes as if in gesture with a open palm. “Thou needs that fixed while our daughter makes her mark on thou, though be it not a lover’s sort we are settling for the traditional one. But simply command ‘disconnect eye’ and it shall come out, so we may get this over with for we are not in only a bathrobe for nothing.” Possibly speaking in a way to hint at some courtship ritual of a mare dominant society.

“Alright then,” I said. “Um… ‘Disconnect eye’?” At that, my left eye popped from its socket. I was able to catch it, but just barely. “Um, okay.” I held out the hand with the eye in it. “Alright, now what?”

Wordlessly the eye was Digistructed out of my palm as a moment later another appeared within it, though F.A.U.S.T. decided this moment was needed for a rather ‘unconventional’ way of entry. “Daughter, would thou have a saddle? For if thy champion baring thy mark enters riding upon back would be rather impactful.” Giving a sly grin that quite possibly caused everypony to gawk at her before she said this in addition. “We take pride in ponies creating life or express such freedom.”

The two pegasi to be wed just stared at each other and wrapped their wings around each other. It had seemed the DM had long since left.

“Um…” I said. “Thats… *cough* That’s kinda weird, even for my standards. I mean, riding her into battle?”

“That’s….” Luna said with a slight blush. “That’s preposterous, I’d never let him ride me…. er, ride me into battle. That’s what I meant!”

F.A.U.S.T. smiled a bit more as she leaned forward slightly. “Doth the stallion Dox fly? For surely it would only be quicker if he rode on thy back and had it safe from attacks from behind.” The anthro robotic alicorn spoke with a happy tone in a wistful smile forming on her muzzle, with her eyes only to bore into the two said individuals while noting Cadence’s sparkling eyes.

Me and Luna just blushed. Apparently F.A.U.S.T. didn’t have a clue what I had done on my various adventures out of this universe. After a few seconds, Luna started looking over at me with a slightly sultry look. Damn it F.A.U.S.T. and your innuendos! You’re almost as bad as Mad Moxxi!

“Well, mother,” Luna said. “If thou dost approve.”

…. Damn it, sexy Luna….. and F.A.U.S.T.

Oh great! And now Cadence is hovering over my other shoulder….. And she’s got a look like she’s planning something…. Her horn is charged…. OH HELL NO!

I grabbed Cadence’s horn before saying, “No. No love spells. I won’t have any of that.”

“Aw….” Cadence said. “But maybe-”

“No,” I said, increasing the pressure of my grip. “No love spells.”

Cadence moaned in reply. Everyone else in the room, minus Shining and F.A.U.S.T., just blushed and stared at me.

Shining came up to me and bucked me in the leg while saying, “Get your hooves off my wife!”

I let go. Then Twilight called me over.

“Um,” she said. “It’s obvious that you don’t know, but the horn of a unicorn, or alicorn in this case, is considered an erogenous zone and is quite sensitive. If you put enough pressure on it, or rub it enough…. Well……”

“Oh my god,” I said in realization. I turned to Cadence and Shining. “I’m so sorry! I had no idea! Please, don’t get the wrong idea, I didn’t know!”

F.A.U.S.T. smiles softly and beckoned Luna closer to say this for her ears to hear, though most other ponies with good hearing heard it except for me. “Thou shalt know that human hands are VERY wonderful to experience, it is rather addicting if they are taught right. Our daughter, perhaps when thy older sister is truly well, thou may share him to show this fact.” She held that smile while having painted some rather intriguing imagery during my outburst.

“Okay,” I said, trying to get back on subject. “Now, about the payment I have here for you for fixing my eye and the mark.”

She gave a look before digistructing the materials that were first mentioned within range, seeing Luna’s face slightly blushing as her mind raced from such acts that could be while she spoke to his statement. “Thou has done it though success would be HIGHLY prefered, defeats only cost more take it from us whom had lost much.” F.A.U.S.T. stated firmly as if to drive that fact home to me.

“Alright, alright,” I said. “I’ll make sure not to screw up next time. Thanks for the repairs, I’ll see you later.”

I watched as the beacon turned off and then turned to the rest of the ponies, most of which were now unpetrified.

“Alright then,” I said. “Now, let’s go free Discord.”

A couple hours later, we all arrived at Fluttershy’s cottage, stone ponies and flesh. We could all hear Discord singing bottles on the wall, I believe he was at 746 when we heard him. It was good to know that he was still okay in there.

When we entered the cottage, we were able to hear a guttural groan. Apparently, Discord was now animate. To prove that, he walked down the stairs to meet us.

“Now, this is a sight to behold!” Discord stated. “All my friends, come to save me. It’s good to see you-” His attention then quickly diverted itself all to me and my right arm. “Is that…. Is that the mark of Faust?”

“Yes, Discord,” I said. “It is that mark exactly. I got it from the Faust of another universe.”

“It wouldn’t be that robotic one, would it?” Discord asked.

“How do you know about that?” I asked.

“Simple,” Discord stated. “I’m Discord.”

“Anyways,” I said. “I have a gift for you.” I held up the vial for a second before tossing it to him. He quickly downed it in one go. The cracks started appearing on him slowly afterwards.

After about 20 minutes, Discord was free.

“Ah, finally,” he said. “Ya know, I always develop a crick in my neck while I’m in stone. This one’s a rather bad one.” He snapped his fingers. “Ah, that’s better. Now, let’s get back to your base.”

And with that, Discord snapped his fingers, and we were back. You know, I’m hoping right now that he can’t be tracked easily, cause if he can, then he just led Celestia straight here.

Author's Notes:

So yeah, yet another chapter featuring Architect of Realities and his story Handsome Jack's Return. It's always fun working with him.
So, a lot gets done. Most of the ponies aren't petrified anymore. Discord is free. They have a plan for Celestia. And Celestia may or may not be able to track them to their hiding spot. Lots got done.
Oh, and lets not forget how much of an absolute BEAST Maud is. Holy crap. Breaking Hyperion tech is no small feat. There's a reason it stays pristine out in the borderlands while all the other guns are ragged.

Anyways, this is Music Mod, it's almost 1 AM, I'm tired, and I'm signing off with a big good night.

Good Night!

Puns. Heh.