After taking a bit to explain to Avarice why I looked so weird, what with me looking like a human now, I stood there, taking in the fact that I had summoned someone.

What? Every other time I summoned someone, it was on accident. I did this on purpose for once! The best thing is, it worked! Bad thing is….

Well, he may have entered through a portal, but that portal lit my room on fire since it was oddly rimmed with blue flames when it appeared…. so yeah.

“HOLY CRAP!” I screamed. “Dude! Help put out the freaking flames!”

Avarice was, hilariously, already on it, having grabbed an old rusty fire extinguisher from his coat, and promptly put down the blue blaze. “Ah, sorry ‘bout that. Didn’t know my token was so...temperamental.”

“I see,” I said. “Listen, I’m just glad you’re here. Something’s up here, and I’m not sure what. For some reason, every time I try and remember things, it hurts, the dice have gone missing, and to top it all off, every time I try and use or even obtain something I had in Equestria, something seems to happen to prevent me. I’m honestly freaking out here man! It’s like I’m in a prison or something!”

“Hm, is this an illusion, no wait, can it be? You summoned me here....” Avarice looked around, but then looked at the old extinguisher. “No...it isn’t. I couldn’t have grabbed this if...wait a second! Chance!” Avarice put the extinguisher away, reached in his coat, and yanked out a rusty MP40. “WOO!”

“What the hell…” I said. “I swear, I will never figure out how you do that.”

Avarice was a little preoccupied, using this chance to grab old weapons and store them away. “They may not work, but damn if having them won’t make figuring out making my own versions easier. Want to see my own design for a breach-load single-shot shotgun? Been a slave the past few months making them even.” Avarice said nonchalantly as he took out the steel-barreled and brass adorned beauty.

“Holy crap, man,” I said. “That’s amazing. How did you-... AGH! We’re getting off topic! I called you here to help me find my freaking dice! Or, since you’re connected to the merchant, sell me something so I can go back!”

“Uh...I’m not...wait...my outfit recently became sort-of self-aware when I was separated from it for a prolonged period of time, and when I put it back on I sort of...flip. It’s hard to describe. Let me put it this way; I was all for completely voiding Tia of any responsibility, then next thing I put Vagabond, my equipment, back on, and I’m suddenly binding her to a contract based on her debt! Maybe I am still connected to that bastard. But before we do that, how about this? I try to “deliver” the item you seek with express permission. It’s similar to me using my coat to just grab things, but it’s a bit more complicated.” Avarice explained as he continued to idly grab abandoned weaponry and put it away through his coat, I could’ve sworn I saw a nearly broken mosin nagant.

“Dude. you can’t take those weapons,” I said. “They belong to museums. And if not, they belong to time. And that means by extension here, the DM.”

“Pfft, you know what museums are? Glorified and sanctified tomb raiders and grave robbers. Time? Time owns nothing, everything slips through it’s cracks like so many pebbles in the ocean.

“Okay, then explain my last reasoning,” I said. “And why your coat is catching fire.”

“Because your “boss man” is a sore loser. If I can grab it, it has no owner, remember? He has to lay dibs on it to stop me, heh, heh.” Avarice chuckled as he idly pat out the fire springing up on his sleeves as he continued his plundering.

“Get me my dice first, then we’ll see if he calls dibs,” I said.

Avarice groaned as his eyes shined red. “Fine, fine. Let me just see if I-YOW!” Avarice yelped as he pulled his hand back to reveal...it was cut off at the wrist! “Damn it! Not again!” Avarice complained as disturbingly red and purple blood gushed out all over my bedroom floor.

‘WHAT THE HELL MAN!?” I yelled at the merchant. “My stuff’s in here! Or, at least this was my stuff. Kinda still is, but…. eh. Oh lookie! My iPhone! Been looking for that.”

“Okay, you just go on ahead while I bleed all over your carpet.” Avarice idly complained as he reached into his coat with the other hand, and took out a half-eaten whopper before taking a bite out of it, not giving two shits for hygiene since he’s immune to most things. “Mm...whopper...been too long.”

“You gonna be okay? Need some help with anything?” I asked.

“Nah, just give it a second.” Avarice said, blase about how his stump kept spraying blood, until it suddenly stopped, and the bones and tissue seemed to grow out into a new hand before skin covered it, then his glove oddly regenerated. “Ah, there. Need to have food in my belly to heal like that, and the outfit repairs itself. Explains why I never had to maintain it, heh. So...your dice are out of my coverage area, would you like to change service plans?” Avarice asked cheekily.

“Oh, ha ha,” I said. “Listen, if you can pull a distillery out of your ass, I think I have a way to help-”

I was cut off by the noise of Avarice, LITERALLY pulling a slightly rusty small distillery out of his ass, or at least the area near there from between his trench coat’s coattails, him making a farting sound with his mouth as he did so. I swear, he did that to mock me.

“All right then,” I said, reaching down and picking up the sword I had tossed to the ground. “Now, don’t freak out, but I need you to distill this.” I accentuated the last work by bringing the sword across my arm, creating a huge gash and allowing my arm to leak rainbow colored fluids.

“Oh, sure. There’s a Red Rum joke in here somewhere, but your blood being all magical rainbow juice sorta ruins that. But...shouldn’t we go someplace...more...secluded than your bedroom? I’ve already lit it on fire, bled on the carpet, and now you want to try and run a distillery in it? Do you KNOW how hot a distillery gets? My old friend Anthon says a moonshine still can be felt a few miles downwind.” Avarice informed in a serious and concerned manner. “Listen, I can get us out of here discretely. If this IS your original world, then you know places here. I can learn about it through an ability I gained called Recall, with your permission, and then I can warp us there through Vagabond.”

“Go right ahead,” I said. “The only problem is, there’s not really any places that I know of.”

“Well, you have to think of the place first, and also, if you can’t think of one suitable enough, think of one near some secluded woods or something else really remote. Stills get hot, and stink. My dad’s still out in the desert….” Avarice paused for a moment, seeming rather sad for a second before he shook his head. “Whatever, you get the point.” Avarice walked up to me, and it wasn’t until now I realized just how freaking tall he was, he easily dwarfed me by two feet! Was he this tall before?!

“Okay…” I said. In a few seconds I came up with the perfect place. “Got it.”

Avarice raised his left hand and put it on top of my head, it felt rather demeaning considering our height difference, like I was a little kid as I felt him root around my surface thoughts, said thoughts were heavily accentuated, I felt like I was actually there, like I was standing there right now in fact. “There, I’ve felt what the location feels like through Recalling it through you. Now then.” Avarice stepped back and invitingly opened his coat like the real Merchant would, gesturing to it with a twinkle in his eyes. “After you. You’ll seamlessly appear where the location is. By-the-by, nice choice.”

“.... Okay…” I said, stepping into his coat. Wow, not sure what I was expecting. Apparently, his coat has it’s own void-space. Who knew? Heh, there’s even these weird transparent red barriers in here, and the stuff he’s grabbed is floating inside them like little bubbles….. Is that a thing of drugs?.....I think that’s a bag of marijuana.

“Enjoying the sights? I said to step through, not step in.” Avarice chided as he suddenly appeared next to me, wearing nothing but a pair of red silk pants and-HOLY SHIT! The dude’s ripped! That’s not fair! I remember him looking so scrawny when we met, how’d that happen?!

“Where are your clothes?!” I asked, seriously, he was just wearing them, why was he topless all-a-sudden? Also, he’s ginger? Huh, didn’t even think of that. Although, he always did seem to lack a soul… heh.

“We’re inside my clothes right now. I had to leave Vagabond at our intended exit point because you decided to sightsee rather than just pass through. Welcome to my true store. Nobody else has seen this, consider yourself lucky. Want to browse some wares?” Avarice asked with a disturbingly pearly-white grin and a twinkle in his green eyes as he stood with his arms gesturing towards an assembling stall floating in the middle of this dark void, that had a massive sign next to it listing his available wares, which basically had one word: EVERYTHING. “No refunds. Unless previously offered.” He then idly poked his left hand through the very air, vanishing, only to pull through a heavily decayed claymore. “Aw, shame. William Wallace’s claymore has seen better days. Anthon would weep at the sight of his culture’s hero’s sword so neglected.”

“.... What the hell….” I said. “Let’s…. Let’s just go.”

“Fine, you’re the one who dallied, not me. This way. You have to keep a mind for your destination, or at least be aware of Vagabond to leave this place. Imagine my clothes, only without me wearing them and standing on their own power, you’ll wind up at our destination.” Avarice informed.

“Alright then,” I said.

I stepped out of seemingly nowhere and nothing and out onto a mountain. Whoa, we’re really here. It was the top of a mountain in a state park in the mostly uninhabited area of the Rockies between California and Nevada proper. It was sorta bordering between Cali’s garden opulence and Nevada’s barren desert wasteland. It was mostly just a giant spire of rock, slightly covered in grass up the sides. Perfectly secluded and away from nearly everything. Well then.

“Okay, let’s get started,” I said.

Avarice, surprisingly wearing his outfit once more, then jokingly pulled the distillery from his rear with the farting noise again, getting me to chuckle as I shook my head at his antics. “Okay then, let’s set this bitch up. Good thing it’s light out, don’t want the fire to be seen so easily.”

“Yeah,” I said, raising up my sword again. “Just let me get another cut so we can access my ‘blood’.”

“Uh, no need to be so crude about it. Hold on.” Avarice quickly retrieved a blood kit from his coat, thankfully, it seemed to be sealed and unused. “Huh...so there are shipments of aid lost in the jungles of Brazil. Depressing.”

“Trust me,” I said. “I don’t know your world, but mine is corrupt as hell…. Actually, it’s bordering hell and Limbo…. Cool, huh?”

“Sounds better than mine. My world was just a foot in the grave and a single phone call away from a nuclear holocaust when I left. No hope, no dreams, economy shot to hell, everybody save the nerds who were too immersed in fantasy were without any life to them. Fuck, wouldn’t be surprised if it’s already been nuked. I don’t miss it, just my friends and family….” Avarice mused sadly as he opened the kit and prepared the sample gathering needle. “Okay, I’m going to stick this big, very large needle into the vein on your left arm’s elbow, and have the tube lead into the intake of the still. Let me know when you want me to stop. Now, just keep still.” Avarice said as he wet a cotton ball with rubbing alcohol, and held it up, clearly showing he was ready to play field doctor.

“Ow,” I said as I was stabbed by the needle. I watched as it extracted the rainbow liquid and an idea came to mind. “Hey, mind if you take a little extra so that I can have it? Ya know, just for on hand.”

“Yeah, sure. Kit comes with sample taking vials. Can easily double as vials of healing potion using your magical rainbow juice. Taste the rainbow mutha-fucka.” Avarice joked as he fetched some vials from the kit and began filling a couple as he also kept the rainbow blood flowing into the intake. “Five vials, want more?”

“Just one,” I said, taking the vials from him. “Need to have five on hand for emergencies.”

“Alrighty then.” Avarice said in a fashion reminiscent of Jim Carrey, as he watched the blood flow. “Aren’t you getting light-headed yet? Losing this much blood would’ve killed a normal person by now.”

“Yeah, losing blood would have killed me,” I said, uncorking one of the vials, “Good thing I don’t have blood.”

Before Avarice could question what I meant, I drank the contents of the vial, downing it in one swig. Right afterwards, I started feeling weird. A few seconds later, there was a bright flash of light. Then nothing… I looked down at myself and found myself to be wearing different clothing. Not the leather armor that I was used to, but still different. The hoodie I had been wearing was now a deep black with a silver grey trimming. My pants had become black denim. My shoes were now black leather running shoes, which were weird. And I was now wearing black leather fingerless gloves. Honestly, it was pretty sick. I felt around my face to find I was also wearing some pretty sick shades. Wait a second, I can see my skin now! I’M PALE AGAIN! And the white hair! My eyes are probably green and white again, too. Man I love being a changeling.

“Dude!” I said. “I was only hoping that would work! I’m back in business buddy! Wait, where’s my sword?”

“Do you mean this sword?” Avarice asked as he held out a wicked greatsword! The thing was as big as a claymore, but instead of being a solid blade, it was wavy and rippled like...fire. I remember what that is!

“Is that a Flamberge?! Where the fuck did you snatch one in that good of a condition?!” I yelled. “I mean, that’s not even easy to find in the first place! Good or bad!”

“Meh, apparently there’s a forgotten collection or arsenal somewhere in Germany. Some rich arse probably didn’t tell anybody about it before he was offed or something. I can sense SO many goodies!” Avarice handed me the epic weapon before he then pulled out a Landsknecht halberd. “Woo! Historical piece here! Now THIS belongs in a museum. To the gallery you go.” Avarice said before apparently putting it someplace to be found.

“Okay,” I said, processing the information. “Hey wait, is there a flintlock in there?”

“Hold on...yep!” Avarice said before producing a restored Denix 18th Century German Flintlock Pistol!

“Lemme see that!” I said before snatching the thing from him. I uncorked another vial. “Now, let’s see if this works.”

I poured the contents of the vial onto the pistol. There was no flash, but instead a weird sort of circuit board type of design appeared before fading away.

“Okay, now a test.” I said, aiming it at Avarice. “Uh, no hard feelings, just want to test this.”

“Meh, no big. Unless you blast off my head I’ll live.” Fun thing, right when I fired, Avarice pulled a freaking mannikin out of nowhere. Guess he saw where I was aiming on him. “Dude, not cool. You never aim for the bait and tackle!” -I fired again.- “Mother-of-F-what?!”

“This is cool,” I said. “So, apparently, my ‘blood’ has altered this thing. INFINITE BULLETS, BABY! And I didn’t even cock the gun! Wonder what happens when I do.”

At this being said, Avarice was suddenly on his knees at my feet, clutching my torso in desperation. “PLEASE! I NEED THAT FOR MY GUNS! I’LL BE YOUR SLAVE FOREVER IF I CAN HAVE INFINITE AMMO!”

“Do what I asked,” I started. “And that’ll be me paying off my brand new debt with you. I only asked to get help back to Equestria. This stuff… Well, I don’t feel like being a freeloader.”

“Oh posh! You’re a friend, I don’t consider any debt from all this. I’m having fun even! See the eyes? Not glowing, Your’s aren’t either.” Avarice pointed out. “Friendship is a Magical thing, it makes debts and favors seem silly little trifles.”

“Well, just think of it as a gift after we’re done,” I said, tossing him a vial. “Now let’s get to work on distilling my rainbow ‘blood’.”

The distilling process took a couple hours, with a bunch of errors before we found the correct distillation. Apparently the rainbow stuff is pure power if you distill it. Who knew? Eh, I’m not gonna question the fake alcohol. Which Avarice practically got drunk off of just sniffing, heh…. Honestly, I forced him to drink some of it. Took a bit, what with him changing shapes on me and almost making me shit my pants. I was even able to save a couple vials of it. Could come in handy later.

Avarice was currently in his pegasus form, oddly being barely over my height as an anthro pegasus, his white and black patterned wings were all ruffled as he tried to stay coherent. “M-my thish is good boozshe. Not even Anthon’zh home-brewed moonshine can compare!”

“Wow,” I said, slapping him a little. “Now can we get back to the matter at hand? I need my dice. If ya can’t get that, I need a freaking portal matrix.”

“Yeah, yeah, jusht...let me get a bit lesh dishcombobulated.” Avarice replied as he fished some half-full whisky from his coat, and took a hearty swig, his face flushing a bit as he then downed the whole thing to my surprise, and he let out a bite of air in refreshment. “Dude. This shit’s like fire in the belly. So, let’s see how I can help.”

“Well,” I said. “Can you get my dice or what?”

“Right, hold on, let me *hic* get comfortable.” Avarice then shifted into his Verdugo form, again, his glowing red eyes nearly made me shit my pants as he towered over me at 9 fucking feet. Seriously, why was he so huge?!

“Dude,” I said. “What happened to you since I last saw you?! I mean, seriously, you used to be smaller! Now you’re towering over me! What happened?”

“Well...after ya *hic* went home, I ran into swamp, skirted it, died, wound up in a mass grave where I experienced the pleasure of binge eating the corpses of people. Cannibalism, give *hic* it a try man. Sweet as sin. Anyway, then I evolved fully into this from all the eating, ate some changelings, gained the ability to transform and feed off love. By the *hic* way, the love gland in a changeling’s torso causes orgasms when eaten, no fucking joke. Then I crossed a desert, taught a hot smith mare how to make shotguns like these, oh *hic* here’s the first one that worked we made together!” Avarice then took out the breech-loading single-shot shotgun he showed me earlier.

“And then, I, like an idjit, took off when she got it down, had sweet, hot, sweaty sex with Princess Luna without even realizing it was her, like, *hic* eleven times over a whole night, went to Trottingham, got captured by a fucking secret society with serious pull in the Equestrian government, enslaved to *hic* make these shotguns for em for two months, and apparently, APPARENTLY, that wasn’t enough for the mare overseeing me, who drugged me with a mutagenic drug that made me bigger, randy as all fuck, and fertile *hic* enough to probably impregnate YOU, if we went at it. She then raped me, by *hic* the way, she had a sweet, round, juicy ass that just bounced. It was like a fucking shelf. Her thighs were so~-!”

“Uh dude,” I said. “You’re drooling. And being creepy.”

“Don’t care, Sharp’s ass is on my mind. Mmf...want to bang her again...anyway, yeah, she raped me to sire her foal since she was gettin’ too old or something. Don’t see how, she looked barely a year over twenty. Also, banged Princess Celestia too, about Thirteen times. Anyway, yeah, that happened. That’s why I’m so fucking big. Now...what were we doing? My mind’s getting a bit clearer.” Avarice shook his head as he tossed the empty whisky bottle behind him, ignoring the shatter of glass.

“That’s good,” I said. “Enough about being raped and some weird mare. We’re after my dice. If you can’t get that, I’ll need a Runic Portal Matrix, instead. Do that, and the debt between us is done.”

I swear, that freaking flash of red in his eyes…. I had to go run over to a bush just to avoid shitting in my pants! Luckily, Avarice saw my hasty retreat, and placed a mostly empty pack of toilet paper next to my bush. Good guy. “Alright then!...How the blooming fuck do I do that?! I can make guns, swords, shields, armor, all that good shit, but...I’m a videogame nerd, not a high-fantasy or sci-fi super-nerd. I’m going to need your help too. This’ll have to be a cooperative effort.”

“Okay, grab hold of me and do that ‘Recall’ thing again, I’ll show you what the dice look like,” I said. “If ya can’t get them still, I’ll show you what the matrix should look like.”

“Okay.” Avarice then casually grabbed my head in his left claw. Nearly shit myself again. Doesn’t he know how fucking terrifying he is like this! The damn thing wrapped all the way around my head for fuck’s sake! “Recalling….” Whoa, trippy, every single minute detail involving my dice, as well as the matrix filled my consciousness, until he removed his claw, thank god, and blinked his glowing eyes. “That’s...oddly simple, yet contrived. Let me try again.”

Avarice then steeled himself, opened his coat, and jabbed his right claw in, hissing in a disturbingly insectile manner as he moved his arm around violently. “You fucker! I’m going to take SOMETHING this time! You stole my pal’s stuff, and nobody, NOBODY steals from Avarice or his friends!” Avarice froze however, and his arm stopped moving as he instead seemed to be feeling something, his eyes lidded gleefully. “Well~! Hello! Someone’s got nice tits!”

“Focus!” I yelled at him. “Your goal is the dice! Not tits!”

“I AM trying to get the dice, I tried getting your d20. Whoever has it, they’re really powerful, like, in both magic and physical resistance, but I’ve got her by the tit. Fills my whole claw if you’d believe me.” Avarice perked, and chattered his mandibles under his bandana. “Oh~ I think I heard a moan.”

“Trust me, I believe you,” I said. “So, can you tell who has it?”

“Oh~ yes. I know that moan. Tia~! Got your titty again! What’s with you being so naughty, takin’ me pal’s stuff? You’re such a sweet gal in my dimension.” Avarice seemed to put his head into his coat a bit, and nodded a few times. “Oh...well, that’s just selfish. I’m not going to give you any more pleasure in that case.” Avarice then tried to yank his hand out. “Oh, let go you letch! You lost groping privileges when you told me you were doing this all to spite him.” Avarice managed to yank his hand free, but it didn’t come through empty-clawed. “Woo...see-through robe? Damn...would’ve like to see that.”

“Where’s the dice?” I asked frantically. “What happened to them?!”

“Tia, well, your Tia, has em all secured in various ways. The d20 is in a necklace on Tia’s neck. Which is why I ended up copping a feel. I can’t grab it since she’s got it, I’ll give the others a try.” Avarice informed as he dropped the scanty transparent cloth and reached back into his coat.

“Well shit,” I said as Avarice growled in irritation, pulling his hand out and trying again, only to growl even more, and then one more time, only to sigh and pause. “What’s up?”

“They’re apparently ALL on her person, I tried the d10 and it’s apparently in her bosom since she tried to put it on her peytral, but she’s gone all anthro-”

“Wait, what?!” I said. “She wasn’t an anthro last time I checked.

“What part of “I’ve got her by the tit” didn’t you understand? If she was a proper pony, and she had teats that big, she’d never walk anywhere, she’d be stuck standing still.” Avarice informed. “She’s holding me up, trying to cut off my claw since she can’t stop me from trying, and my chitin’s too hard for her to break normally, and I’m too close for her to use something more destructive without hurting herself. So...she’s settled for trapping my claw in her boobs. Real classy Tia. Real classy….”

“Here, let me help,” I said aiming into his coat with my newly aquired flintlock. I cocked the gun and fired. Welp, shot was loud, and heard a shrill pained scream. “Bet that hurt the bitch.”

Avarice ripped his claw out, and slugged Dox in the shoulder. “Dude! Not cool! She’s clearly not in the right mind. Different Tia or not, I don’t think she’d be doing this if she was in her normal state. Something’s wrong here. Also...thanks for showing me a badass way to use my coat for combat.”

“You’re welcome,” I said. “Also, I doubt she’s that badly hurt. If she has my dice, she’s probably nigh-invincible. I mean, I was when I had them. Seriously, I used to accidentally scrape my leg all the time…. or my arm…. or other parts of me…. There was that one time I hit myself in the crotch…. Anyways, I’d always just come out with a bruise at worst. The only time I bled was in combat with Tirek. Meanwhile, here I just scrape myself, I bleed. She’s fine. Oh, and if you ever use a line about owing people a bullet, I gave it to ya.”

“Well, alright then. Let me try one last time, the weakest one.” Avarice once again shot his claw into his coat, and then brightened as he yanked a glass jar out holding the d6. “Well...alright then! Got ya the weakest one at least.”

“No, that would be the d4,” I said. “Honestly, this one is really important. I got a lot of summons through this. Apparently my token is linked to it. I can hear voices if I concentrate hard enough.”

“Oh? You mean like my brazier?” Avarice took his blue iron brazier from his coat, fondly shaking it to watch the chain jingle. “Yeah, I found a copy of it in the desert in my own world...actually...where’s the one you used to summon me? Gotta watch out for it’s fire, it burns hotter than normal flames.”

“Right here,” I said. “I never really let go of it. Speaking of such, where’d my original sword go?”

As if to answer my questions, my arm lit up with a circuit board pattern before the handle of my sword appeared in my hand. When I grabbed it, the sword flipped out of my sleeve before locking in place.

“Whoa,” I said. “That’s new…. Hold up… You got a computer in the coat?”

“I’d be surprised if I didn’t. People are so wasteful.” Avarice then retrieved what looked like a perfectly fine solid black CyberPowerPC laptop from his coat. “Jackasses, just because you’re upgrading doesn’t mean you can just toss out old reliable. Anthon had one like this.”

“Cool,” I said, taking it from him. “Pretty cool laptop, but the battery’s dead…. I wonder.”

When I touched the power port on the left side of the laptop, I saw a bit of electricity arc from my finger and into the port. About a second later, I pressed the power button and it immediately turned on. Fun thing was, this thing had no owner…. ever. Brand new laptop…. probably tossed out because it wasn’t being sold anymore or it just wasn’t the one the child wanted. Damn rich families. I had a laptop that freaking fell apart on me, and I still used it! Anyways, I continued to mess with the laptop until my finger grazed one of the usb ports…. Then the laptop gained the same circuit board pattern as everything else…. Then it was gone…

I started to look around for it, only to find a new screen on my arm…. Then it hit me….

“Wait a second,” I said. “Circuit board pattern… advanced technology…. able to interface with tech through what I can only assume is magic…. HOLY CRAP I’M A TECHNOMANCER! My new body is a technomancer!”

“Sweet! Okay, so this’ll make making that matrix easier right? Let’s get to it!” Avarice was excited, he loved crafting things apparently.

“Okay,” I said. “So, we need steel, chalk, a small amount of my blood, and…”

I looked over at Avarice, only to see that he had pulled out everything and was even holding out a tiny syringe filled with the distilled blood. Damn, he moves fast. “What kind of steel? Grabbed about two kinds of spring steel, one stainless, and a couple of high carbon steels.”

“..... The high carbon should work….” I said. “Well, the last things we need are stone, like cobblestone, and pure magic. But how are we supposed to get pure magic?” At that, suddenly an avalanche of cobblestone dumped out of his coat onto the ground, and he even held up a ratty old tome bound in faded leather. “What’s up with the tome?”

“You said magic, this is what I grabbed when I reached through. Take it, I don’t know anything about no fancy magic. Just how to exploit it.” Avarice idly tossed the tome at me, and he bounced in place, excited to get started. I looked through the tome, only to make a great discovery.

“This is a technomancer tome,” I said. “Where the hell did you find a technomancer tome?”

“Leonardo Da Vinci’s preserved parlor in Florence Italy. Might explain a bit why he was so far ahead of his time.” Avarice then gestured for me to get on with it. He was clearly excited to get building.

“Alright then,” I said. “Well, we need a forge, or a smelter. We also need a spheric cast. This thing has to be shaped like a ball.” I informed, only to again be surprised at seeing a small smelter, no bigger than a paint bucket...actually, it WAS a paint bucket?! How the fuck does that work?! “How?! Actually, I don’t think I want to know. I need you to light it with a normal flame.”

Avarice was already making a spherical cast from two bricks of wet clay and a large billiard ball, when he looked up? “Why? The hotter the flame, the faster metal melts. I mean...sure a little backyard metal bucket smelter might not be able to handle the temperature, but we’re only making a single ‘cup’ of alloy, it should survive one use.”

“I need you to do that because it needs to be done with an aetheric flame,” I said. “The only way I can think to do that is by lighting a normal fire, then filling it with pure magic… Speaking of which, apparently Da Vinci had a bookmark on a page about a spell that literally pours out magic. Great.”

“Anything in there on hidden blades? My game nerd senses are so tingling.” Avarice chuckled as he used his coat to fetch a propane torch that seemed like it belonged in the trash, rather than being used again. He removed the ball from the nearly perfect sphere halves, and then carefully pressed them together before digging out a hole in the top, and then used the torch to braze the clay until it started to harden, and then went to prime the bucket smelter. Once it was lit, I used the spell I had found to pour some magic into the bucket and watched as the flames turned a weird light blue.

“Aetheric flames,” I said, admiring the flames. “Take a good look, Avarice. This might be the only time you ever see them.It’s like staring into the infinite pool of magic that is the Aether.” In response, Avarice cheekily lit his brazier, and held his torch near it, showing how damn similar they were, him quirking his eyebrow at me. “Dude, these flames are made of magic.” Avarice shrugged and accepted it at face value. With magic, apparently he doesn’t really give a shit. It’s there, he accepts it. “They won’t stop burning… not even when introduced to water or an extinguisher. Go ahead, try it.”

“And compromise the condition of the smelter? You don’t EVER douse a smelter! Magic flame or not, it’s hot, that bucket is only going to last one use, I’m not chancing some other backyard smith in Tennessee forgot his spare smelter.” Avarice practically bellowed in a cold, calm tone. Apparently, you don’t fuck with his work.

“Alright, alright,” I said. “Okay, we need to toss the materials in, in a certain order. First goes the cobble for a runic base. Then goes the steel for durability. Then just drop in a bit of the ‘blood’ and more magic. Then we put it in the cast, or however that works. Then I write the runes on it with chalk.”

“Uh...magic, fancy, rule-breaking magic. Accept that it even destroys the sanctity of your craft Avarice...breathe.” Avarice took shuddering breaths as he tried to calm down. “I need a titanium cup at least.” He fetched a soot-coated and dented smelting cup from his coat. “Okay, I’ll just accept all that bullshit. Stone’s melting point is ridiculously higher than metals, ignore that, ignore how the ‘blood’ would create impurities, just...fucking do it.”

Avarice put the cup in the mount over the fire, and used the small bellows on the side to feed the magic fire, not caring if it needed it or not, more out of habit. And then he put in some cobble and watched as it melted. “Ignore...failing logic.” Avarice growled as he then added the high carbon steel, enjoying watching it slag almost instantly. “That, was cool.”

“Ya know, I could bottle some of the magic,” I said. “Leave you with a way to make Aetheric flames for a forge. Just a warning though, they kinda need a constant supply of magic… Either that, or just a lot of energy.”

“Meh, Equestria, land of magic. I’ll just plant my forge on a leyline or something.” Avarice idly said as he held the syringe of blood over it. “Just a drop? Or the whole thing?”

“Just a drop will do,” I said. “Though, adding the whole thing will make it more powerful… And I kind of would like to check out other realms… plus the fact that you couldn’t reach Equestria at first….. Yeah, add the whole thing.” Avarice then squeezed the plunger and squirted the rainbow juice into the glowing yellow molten mix of cobble and steel, which instantly hissed and began to shift through the color spectrum like a molten rainbow. “Okay, now just a bit more magic.” I cast the spell and held it for about a minute. “That’s it. The mixture is done.”

“Stand back!” Avarice shouted as he brought out a long set of cup tongs meant for just this sort of thing, the rust on them meant nothing as he easily picked up the molten-hot cup of slag, and carried it over to the block cast, which he then poured through the hole in the top until it overflowed, and he set the thing down. “We’ll be able to cut off the excess, and polish off any imperfections along the outside.”

“Good,” I said. “Also, remember how it didn’t obey any laws during the smelting process? It’s already cooled…. and is a perfect sphere….” Avarice mentally called bullshit, but then he screamed in rage before he fished a sledgehammer from his coat, and smashed the cast, freeing the perfect steel sphere that seemed to also have a stony finish, and still somehow shimmered through the color spectrum. “Okay, now for the runes.” I started flipping through the book…. only to find nothing…. “Uh oh. Um, can you find a magical artifacts book, per chance?” Immediately after saying that, I was handed a book. “Let me guess, Da Vinci?”

“No. Morgan Le Fay. It was either her little cave somewhere in England, or Merlin’s keep hidden in the highlands of Scotland. The latter felt...risky.”

“Okay, I’m with you on that,” I said. “You don’t mess with Scottish people. They’ll kill ya while wearing kilts. And I mean true kilts! Nothing but PRIDE underneath those things!”

“Oh aye! Me friend Anthon is Scottish and proud ‘bout it. He’d go rantin’ an’ ravin’ ‘bout how grand the motherland is and how he wished his family still lived there, and didn’t sell their keep back long before they emigrated to the colonies.” Avarice gloated. “Apparently though, they owned the most slaves in the colonies for the longest time. It’s why there’s so many Robinsons.”

“Cool,” I said as I skimmed through the book. “I’ve always admired the Scotts. Proud people, except for the slave thing. Anyways, I found the page. I also found a location… but I’m not gonna go into detail about that.” I started drawing symbols in chalk all over the sphere…. but nothing happened. According to the book, once the process was done, there was supposed to be a lightning strike and the matrix would become active….

Son of a bitch.

“We need lightning,” I said flatly. “We need fucking lightning. I was able to just guess everything. But we need lightning…”-I looked at the book-”and magic chalk…. Damn it.”

“I know where to get lightning easy. Anthon was always complaining about Florida constantly storming. Let me try it.” Avarice picked up the surprisingly dense orb in his left claw and held it into his coat, shortly after, he screamed and jolted as he yanked the orb back out, his claw melted around it. “HOLY FUCK! GET IT OFF! CUT THE THING OFF!”

“I told you!” I screamed, attempting to slash off his hand. “We need magic chalk! I don’t have that!” I then picked up the flamberge that Avarice gave me, and the wavy blade easily sliced clean through the joint of his forearm and wrist, which he shouted over, but was just glad to have the melted claw off as he quickly grabbed some rotting food from his coat to heal with. Right after the claw fell off his body, the orb slipped off the claw when there weren’t any muscles to keep clenching it. “So, any idea how to get magic chalk?”

Avarice finished...ew...it was a smelly fish he just finished swallowing whole as his claw grew back. “I sense magic infused chalk like you’re requesting...but...guess where it is.”

“I don’t know, where?” I asked.

“Merlin’s keep...ugh...I feel like I’ll be cursed by protective counter-measures if I try to reach in there. Just considering it makes me feel uneasy.”

“Is there a way for me to reach in there and grab it?” I asked. “I can basically shrug off curses.”

“Sure, have a go. Just keep in mind exactly what you want, or you’ll grab something else.” Avarice held open his coat’s side, gesturing for me to reach in at my leisure. I reached in and felt around. Honestly, it felt cold reaching inside of his coat. Not sure if he felt like this, but to me, it’s a deathly cold, like a warning not to take what isn’t mine. Like if I were to grab his things, or anyone elses items, I’d be killed by the magic that was in his coat…. It took a good solid three minutes to find what I was looking for. I could feel the chalk, and I could see where it was. Damn, Merlin was a crazy magician. I pulled my hand out and opened it to reveal that I had indeed gotten the chalk that I was after. It was purple and had a faint glow to it….

And damn do I feel bad now. Freaking curses. A few seconds later I started feeling normal again and continued my work. First I picked up the dense orb. Then I washed it carefully, leaving none of the chalk marks to be seen. Then, after letting it dry, I started drawing the runes with the correct chalk.

“Okay, done. I need lightning, again,” I said. Avarice then wordlessly grabbed the orb again, and promptly did as he did before, only this time instead of screaming pain, he simply jerked it back out when the deed was done. We both gawked at the matrix in awe. It was like Avarice held a piece of existence itself in his claw.

“Somehow...I feel dirty...and feel the need to declare ‘no homo’.”

“Well, I mean, me and my friends did call that object the DM’s left testicle,” I said. “So there’s that.”

Avarice then chuckled as he held his other claw over the orb. “Is that so? What kind of pain could I inflict for him trying to lay claim to all that is free in this wretched realm?”

“Pretty much nothing,” I said. “I mean, you’re holding it, so it’s not connected to his nerves… I think… I mean, you could try. Just don’t break it, says here that if you do, it’s a violent explosion.”

“Oh, that’s no fun. Whatever. Catch.” Avarice carelessly tossed the item they’d painstakingly crafted over the course of several hours, and I scrambled to keep from dropping it. “Let’s get you home, hm? And I don’t mean this horrible place. You may have family, but why would you want to leave if you really cared hm?”

“Hey, I do care,” I said. “It’s just that…. it all seems so fake now. Knowing there’s more out there, and that this is just part of a smaller thing….. That and finding out that I’m actually made of some kind of magical essence.”

“Meh, I just didn’t really have any hope for the future. This new world, I have hopes...hopes that the Merchant outright tried to sabotage, hopes that those fucks who enslaved me have tried to take by making me their damn breeding stock. I can hardly be around a female without trying to jump them.” Avarice hissed as he looked out at the land around them in scorn. “Our worlds...they were just false hopes and dreams, all falling to pieces when we left. Did the Merchant really curse us? Or...give us a chance?”

“I don’t know man,” I said. “But let’s try this thing out, shall we?”

I started concentrating, focussing all of my thoughts into the orb. I thought of Equestria, about the Crystal Castle, about all of the stone statues in the library. All of it. In front of me, a portal started to open…. But the image of the other side wasn’t clear. It was like something was trying to keep me out. What the hell?

“I can’t get through,” I said. “I don’t know why, I just can’t get through.” I was about to look back at the tomes when Avarice held up my Celestia’s see-through robe, and I looked from it to him.

“Hey, I’m a game nerd, but this is from the world you’re trying to get to. Wouldn’t this work as an anchor?” Avarice asked, and I just about say something when he touched the thin silk to the matrix, and the portal instantly solidified into a stable gateway.

“Yes!” I screamed in joy. “We did it! I can go back to Equestria now!”

“No you can’t!” said an unknown gravelly voice that seemed to originate from the portal.

“What the?” I said before a massive black dragon emerged from the portal.

“My master wishes that you be kept here,” the huge fifty foot tall dragon said. “I, am Leere of the Void! Loyal vassal of my master and-AH~!” The dragon known as Leere was interrupted by Avarice promptly not giving two fucks, and whipping out a small shotgun, and blasting him right in the face. “MY EYE! YOU LITTLE FUCKER! WHO INTERRUPTS THE VILLAIN’S MONOLOGUE?!”

“I do. Fucking seriously. What is it with villains and needing to monologue? I get it’s really satisfying, but there’s a time and place! Don’t care why, don’t care who; you’re now nameless dragon number one! You’re in the way, you’re against my friend, and I. I have a boomstick. I could care less.” Avarice then...he fucking FLIP COCKED it! That’s his Chiappa! It’s barrel was cut down to the feeding tube, and had the choke welded on just after it, and the stock was gone. It was the fucking 1887 from Terminator 2! “So, Hasta la vista, baby!” Avarice shot the other eyes, making a very, VERY pissed off dragon as he grabbed me and jumped away as it breathed black fire at us. “What’s the plan?! I have a shotgun, but I’ve never fought a dragon before!”

“Blast it and slash it!” I screamed. Honestly, after him doing the whole ‘epic’ thing, I kinda lost my cool factor. At least I didn’t lose my man card…. No, that’s what happened to the dragon while he was distracted by Avarice taking pot shots at him. Cut his nuts CLEAN off with a blade of magic slashed from my sword. Poor bastard, I’d honestly feel sorry for him if he wasn’t trying to kill us.

I heard a click instead of a shotgun blast, and Avarice cursed. “Reloading! Fucking reloading!” Avarice shouted as he barely rolled out of the way of the stream of fire being desperately blanketed at us by the blind dragon. “I need that infinite ammo deal when this is over! Reloading for this shit is tense!” Avarice complained as he had to drop a shell he was loading, and it exploded when it cooked off from the heat, some buckshot cracking his chitin. “Fuck! Dox! Need some cover!”

“Right!” I screamed back at him. “Hey ugly! Here’s lead in your eye!” I started shooting my flintlock at him. Freaking infinite ammo is amazing…… after a while though…

“THE FUCKER’S JAMMED!” I screamed. “SHIT!” I was barely able to jump out of the way as the dragon brought his claw down at me.

“Hey Smiley!” Leere hissed as he took a breath to breathe fire in the direction of Avarice, only for him to be interrupted by a brass-balls move I never would’ve tried in a normal situation. He jumped right at the big lizard, and span around as his bladed tail shot out, practically slashing the side of Leere’s cheek open, spilling hot blood everywhere as he roared in pain. “Not done!” He then landed on all limbs save the one holding his Chiappa, and he jumped up at the thrashing dragon’s head, grabbing on and holding the startled beast’s mouth open. “Are your insides as tough as outside?!” He blasted, cocked, blasted, cocked, and blasted one more time before Leere managed to smash him into the ground, I couldn’t ignore the disgusting crunching noise that came from it. His crazy tactics gave me an idea though… an idea that I am forever going to regret.

“Hey jackass!” I screamed at the dragon. “Leave my buddy alone!” And with that, I charged the dragon. When he tried to crush me with a claw, I dodged. And when he tried to bash me with his tail, I jumped on and ran up his back. When I finally got to his head, I grabbed onto the side of his face and jumped into his mouth. Just as I expected, he swallowed me, but like hell I’d go down without a fight! As I started going down his esophagus, I stabbed the flamberge that Avarice had given me into the squishy walls, ripping huge holes as I went down. At one point, I got caught on something, I could only guess it was bone. I pulled myself up a bit and into the hole I had just made…. Kinda regret it. Flesh everywhere. It surrounded me, so I started slashing through it in an attempt to find what I was after: the dragon’s heart. It took me a few minutes, but I was finally able to get to it, what with all the movement on the outside. I stabbed straight through the fucker, bursting it and sending me back into the flesh.

Shortly after Leere stilled, a familiar blade punctured through the flesh near me, and oh GOD! Blessed fresh air! I took several deep breaths, some just to feel the air again. It was HORRIBLE moving through that damn thing. I don’t care what you find, alive or dead, there is not a stink that could match that…. But I had to wonder, if that’s what they smelled like alive… I’m just thanking my lucky stars that Avarice started going all canibal on it.

No, really. He was in bad shape, his arms seemed broke, well, the left one was, his right was was just plain gone. It seemed only his tail was intact as he was using it to cut out sections of bloody flesh, and his now bandana-free bug mandibles were viciously tearing, masticating, and stuffing it down his throat. It was incredibly disgusting. I turned to the side and threw up. No wonder he wore that thing. “Fuckin’ thought ya died mate. Don’t do that again.” Avarice said between swallows, and soon his limbs had healed and grown back, equipment was the same soon after.

“Dude,” I said. “How do you eat like that? No, don’t answer me. I’d rather live my life not knowing.”

“Oh shut it ya pansy, now...where’s the heart?” Avarice asked with some liquid, clearly not from Leere’s corpse, dripping from his mandibles. Did he have fucking poison in his mandibles too?

“Around where I was,” I said. “I kind of stabbed it, and it kind of went boom.”

“Damn, heart’s are good eating. Oh well, flame sac. If I eat enough of that exclusively, I might be able to incorporate it into my genetic structure.” Avarice’s...let’s call it drool, dripped from his mandibles as he climbed into the dragon’s body through the wound he opened up. The analogous behavior to a bug climbing into a dead body just made me ill.

“Avarice!” I called out. “Dude, finish eating it, I’m gonna send you back in a sec.”

The squelching sounds inside were sickening, but soon enough it stopped, and Avarice climbed out, coated in blood. “Well, alright then, just enchant my beloved Chiappa with infinite ammo and I’ll leave. Feel free to call on me whenever Dox.”

“Don’t worry, I will,” I said. “And you can still call on me whenever. Now, hand me your Chiappa and the vial I gave you.” Avarice then did so, and eagerly bounced in place like an excited child, making me roll my eyes. I poured the contents of the vial over the gun, getting the weird pattern again. “Okay, now to test fire.” I pulled the trigger a few times out in the open air. I got the expected result, nothing. I then tried cocking it, only after doing so did a shot come out that just seemingly fired without a shell. “Okay, so, not as overpowered as the flintlock. Probably won’t jam as often, though.”

“Perfectly okay with that. You gotta admit, flip-cocking this bitch mid-battle is so sweet.” Avarice crowed as he accepted his new magic shotgun. “Now all that’s left is to enchant it to shoot an element, like, ice spikes or something.”

“Lasers?” I said. “I heard there’s a Handsome Jack. Found his token the other day, haven’t bothered to use it yet, though.”

“HJ? I’m a little conflicted on that. Jack is one of my most hated villains, because, seriously; he’s really fucking good at it. He monologues, and knows how to do it when it’s necessary, at least up until the end, but every bad guy get’s an obligatory sendoff monologue.” Avarice commented.

“Yeah,” I said. “Now, do you want to wait to go back before or after I go back into Equestria? I mean, it’d probably be safer to do it in Equestria. Who knows what’d happen if I sent you back from here.”

“Yeah, after. Rather make it home than end up in some eldritch nightmare world that’s Lovecraft’s wet dream.” Avarice then gestured to the portal that was, still open. Huh...didn’t notice that until now. Fucking dragon.

“Alright then,” I said. “Let’s go.”

The other side of the portal opened up in Canterlot…..

Specifically the castle……

More specifically, Celestia’s throne room.

Bad part about this, she was super powerful and could probably kill us both if she tried.

Good part about this, she was hot. And I mean hot. “Why is this good?” You may ask.

Because she was an extremely buxom and curvy anthro now several levels above Brazilian bikini models. And Avarice was recently turned into a complete baby-maker by his captors back in his world.

Avarice promptly ceased to be a sentient being the instant he saw her, and he transformed into a 9-foot-tall anthro paint horse stallion and charged the surprised mare, tackling her as he forced her into a deep kiss.

I promptly took this as a chance to run for my life, sprinting as fast as I could out of the room and onto a balcony. I quickly searched through Da Vinci’s book as fast as I could for a flight spell. I got cut off as I saw Avarice fly out of the castle and into the gorge between Canterlot Mountain and the adjacent mountain. I went back to flipping pages, only to come to a glide spell, meant to make my clothes gain wings like a flight suit. I had no other options. I cast the spell and jumped. I eventually caught up to Avarice, only to send him back with the normal phrase.

“Avarice! Our contract is complete!”

Or at least I tried. Didn’t work though. Had to be something about his magic. Avarice wasn’t any help either though, as he seemed dazed, confused, his eyes glazed over. He sniffed the air in the direction of the castle, and I facepalmed. Of course. Horny idiot’s totally screwed up by lust. Probably doesn’t realize where he is or what’s happening right now.

“Avarice! Go home!” I yelled at him. For some reason, it worked, as he burst into blue flame and disappeared. Hope he had a good landing.

Me, I continued my short fall before opening up the ‘wings’ and gliding in the direction of the Everfree. It was my only hope. That’s where the passage to a safe haven was, so that’s where I’d go.

Author's Notes:

So yeah, another crossover with GameJunkie7 and his story Hello, Stranger....

It's past midnight when I'm posting this. Got a long day ahead of me tomorrow.
In fact, I've got classes, and then a performance. Freaking hell!

Anyways, this is Music Mod, falling asleep at his computer and signing off.