The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody)

by TundraStanza

First published 18th of April, 2012

Think about it like Death Battle, only with less death and more hyperactive dialogue. It all started with a fateful encounter between Deadpool and Pinkie Pie. It turned into something bigger.

Every once in a while there is one character that defies all explanation and baffles the minds of geniuses the world over. Today, two such characters will be thrown into the field and all will find out who will win.

---

And remember... this is what I came up with without the hidden stash. Just goes to show you that you don't need to be high to produce something regrettable.
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic belongs to Hasbro Studio.
Death Battle belongs to Screw Attack.
Other properties belong to their respective owners.
Rated Teen for mentions of weapons and use of the word h-e-double-hockey-stick.

Edit:
February 6, 2013: Remember back in last April when I thought this was going to be a one-shot?
Neither do I.

July 16, 2013: I hope I haven't made a terrible mistake by allowing fan fic suggestions for combatants. It'll take me forever to read through all of those works for potential abilities used. In other words, updating will happen at a pace that makes a snail appear to be performing a Sonic Rainboom. Oh well. It is what it is.

March 24, 2015: Spoilers are imminent when diving into this at any given point.

June 9, 2015: I may not respond to every comment, but I will read them. The same applies to any suggestions made in comments or PMs.
-Corollary (October 11, 2015): Multiple comments from the exact same user saying the exact same match up will not make the suggested battle happen any sooner. In fact, it may just deter me from even considering writing it at all. Please do not spam the comment section. Thank you.

Red vs. Pink?

Various pictures from cartoons and other media pass the screen momentarily as our announcers get started. (Due to the need to avoid copyright infringements, we'll call them W and B respectively.)

W opens his speech, "The 4th wall is a fragile division between reality and fantasy."

B interrupts, "And some people obliterate it on a regular basis."

"Like Deadpool, the 'Merc with a mouth' and Pinkie Pie of the G4 earth ponies."

"Are we really pitting another one of these ponies against a killer machine?" B lets out a sigh.

"He's B and I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

The famous title card reading "Death Battle" enters from either side of the screen before splitting apart again to reveal a guy in a red jumpsuit. Though he wears a mask, it's pretty easy to tell that he's grinning.

W introduces this masked man, "Wade Winston Wilson AKA Deadpool is a mercenary for hire with an identity as mysterious as his motives."

B picks up, "I don't know why this guy needs his katana, shuriken, guns, and pineapple grenades. This guy can literally talk his enemies to death." A quick clip of Deadpool's taunting talk bubble dealing damage to his opponent proves B's point.

W goes on, "Deadpool is very talkative, usually in a humorous manner and distracting to anyone within a 50 ft radius."

A statistics and facts screen appears to the side as W continues.

"He's a mutant who's powers include regeneration, superhuman agility, and immunity to telepathy. He is also a master of martial arts and swordplay."

B adds, "Deadpool wears a teleporter belt which works twice in battle, but if he tries to use it a third time it short-circuits and stuns him momentarily. What a shocker."

"But arguably, Deadpool's most deadly weapon is his ability to break the 4th wall. He can smack his opponents around with his health bar and hyper combo meter leaving enemies grounded and open to his aerial attacks."

"And he has a catch phrase ready for nearly every enemy he faces."

A clip shows up where Deadpool taunts, "Magneto! Welcome to die."

The title card reading Death Battle appears again and splits apart to reveal a smiling pink cartoonish pony with a mane that resembles cotton candy.

W starts the introduction, "Pinkamena Diane Pie AKA Pinkie Pie lives in the magical land of Equestria in Ponyville."

B sighs but W continues like he didn't hear.

"She previously worked on a rock farm before inspiration struck her and she moved to Ponyville. Her official occupation is assistant baker in training, however she's better known to the locals as 'Party Planner Extraordinaire'." As some of Pinkie Pie's stats appear on the side of the screen, W keeps talking.

"Her most unique abnormality is her Pinkie Sense."

"What?" B asked.

"This sense has allowed her to predict and avoid calamities such as falling objects, opening doors, bee swarms, and other unexpected phenomena."

"How... wha... how does that even work?"

"Pinkie Pie has a strange taste bud arrangement which makes hot sauce covered cupcakes pleasurable to her but liquid rainbows are discomforting."

"She thinks Tabasco is sweet and Skittles are spicy?" B ponders, "Seems legit."

"By some magic or unique, genetic makeup, Pinkie Pie is able to jump several feet high. She can skip certain scenes of her own show in order for her scripted lines to be more dramatic. She's even able to gallop at mach 5 speeds, easily keeping up with past Death Battle winner Rainbow Dash."

"You just made that up."

"I wish I did."

"But the Element of Laughter isn't immune to depression. One time, she was so lonely that she used horse meat to make pastries." A short clip of the Cupcakes trailer plays before immediately pausing.

"No, B," W interrupts, "That's been declared non-canon." A giant red circular "non" sign appears over the paused clip.

"Oh,... never mind." The footage goes back to some canon clips from the MLP:FiM show. "Speaking of cannons, Pinkie wields the Party Cannon which can fire party supplies at speeds that could injure most people that get within its range."

"And she's able to create flying apparatuses out of practically nothing."

"This pony," B concludes, "is so random."

A clip of Pinkie Pie imitating a firework finishes the analysis with her shouting, "Woo-HOO!"

W takes the floor, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

"Time for a Death Battle!" B yells.

Our stage appears to be some random field with grass and sparingly few trees. This is to ensure neither of their respective homes are destroyed by this battle.

Deadpool points while reading the contents of his talk bubble, "This is my taunt!"

Pinkie Pie lets out a jumping gasp before falling back onto the ground standing just a few feet away from the red jump-suited mercenary.

A red text message is shouted by an announcer before the word disappears just as quickly, "FIGHT!"

Both combatants start talking and yapping at paces faster than our record keeper can keep track of. Although it does eventually end with them both saying, "Oatmeal, are you crazy?"

They run toward each other before releasing their respective martial arts.

Deadpool shouts, "Chimmychanga!"

Pinkie Pie counters, "Chimmycherrychanga!" Interestingly, her extra two syllables allows an extra blow which knocks Deadpool back a few steps. He tries again pulling out his sword in the process shouting, "Katanarama!" This time Pinkie Pie doesn't counterattack. She simply moves agilely out of the way of Deadpool's swings. After that, they jump away from each other.

Both combatants let out a chuckle before pulling out their respective ranged weapons. Deadpool pulls out his pistols while Pinkie Pie pulls her Party Cannon out of thin air.

"Bang! Bang, Bang, Bang! Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang!" Deadpool shouts in rhythm with his bullets. Oddly, his bullets are evenly matched with Pinkie Pie's overpowered cannon shots. Though, various balloon, confetti debris, and bullet shells litter the ground. Upon realizing the even match, Deadpool switches up his strategy.

"Pineapple surprise!" he announces as he tosses an Mk 2 grenade.

"Ooh! I have one of those too!" expressed Pinkie as she tosses a regular pineapple toward the same spot. The resulting explosion is a scatter of pineapple juice everywhere. Deadpool takes the most recent attack in stride with his non-existent plan of action.

"Present for you," he calls as he throws three shuriken toward Pinkie Pie. She smiles as she pulls three, wrapped boxes out of nowhere and tosses them at the incoming ninja stars. Though all three shuriken stop in there tracks, one of the boxes is somehow unwrapped and the contents fly back to Pinkie Pie. It appears to be a remote control. Wait...

No! Pinkie Pie, don't press rewin- (the entire scene happens in reverse order as we return to the moment just after this Battle began.)

"FIGHT!"

"Hey!" Pinkie Pie calls her opponent, "Wanna hang out together?"

Deadpool almost looks thoughtful for a brief moment before replying, "Sure, why not?"

A Mortal Kombat announcer states off-screen, "Friendship," as a rainbow-colored word appears on-screen.

"Friendship? Again?" questions a second announcer.

"W,... what the hell just happened?" asked the confused tone of B.

"I'm... not sure, B," said W with a tone that signified he was just as confused. A couple stat screens flash by indicating various advantages both combatants had during the match. A third screen with text on the side shows the same confusion as the hosts by ending with the written question, "Who won?" Some awkward moments of silence pass.

W sighs before announcing the official result.

"This Death Battle is a draw." The screen shows pictures of both combatants side-by-side with the bold word "DRAW" underneath.

---

A/N: I am never doing something like this again. I'll stick to reading other works for a while.
All properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit. Yada yada.

Moon, Shine Down!

A/N: I was going to make this a one-shot, but I changed my mind. *Sunglasses* Deal with it.
Properties belong to the owners of MLP:FiM, Death Battle, Kingdom Hearts (Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Square Enix respectively).
---

The Death Battle intro theme plays as our hosts prepare to present another match up for our lovely audience. How we didn't get fired for not ending in a death last time is beyond m-... what's that? We're starting? Oh, sorry.

B is enthusiastic, "Eat your heart out, werewolves, because we found some guys that love to hog the moon light more than you do."

W adds, "Like Nightmare Moon, the Mare in the Moon."

"And Saix, the Luna Diviner. He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

Some expertly drawn art of the first combatant shows itself after the title card while W iterates.

"Nightmare Moon is the embodiment of jealousy and hatred fused with Princess Luna, the Night Princess of Equestria."

B interjects, "Wait, wait, wait... that's a pony for little girls to play with? Since when are ponies allowed to look bad*ss?"

W continues as if he didn't hear, "After being imprisoned in the moon for one thousand years by Princess Celestia and the Elements of Harmony, Nightmare Moon swore vengeance and vowed to bring about eternal night."

"Without a sun's energy, a planet would eventually die," B realizes, "Man, slow and painful death is kind of dark for a kid's show."

A stat screen appears describing Nightmare Moon as W's exposition carries on.

"Being fused with Princess Luna, Nightmare has access to all of her alicorn powers including flight, strength, and magic. Her most common magic is lightning."

"The Mare in the Moon can transform herself into a living shadow which can somehow split solid rock, deform trees, create shadow clones, form black tornadoes, and... cut mustaches? Really?" B asks in disbelief. One can only assume his eye brow was raised since he's never on screen.

At this point a clip shows Steven Magnet the sea serpent saying, "What a world! What a world!"

W takes the pause as another chance to talk, "She also wears a midnight blue breastplate and helmet which not only block physical blows to those regions but also block out words of reason. However, heroic monologue can give her pause."

A clip shows about 10 seconds of Twilight Sparkle's speech about the Elements of Harmony with Nightmare Moon literally standing stock still.

B then inserts an out of place question, "When did Maleficent become a pony?"

Nightmare Moon laughs in the last clip of her, "The night... will last... FOREVER! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

The title card parts to reveal a blue-haired man wearing a black overcoat with unnecessary zippers.

With that visual W takes the lead again, "Saix is number 7 of Organization XIII, and is known in Japan as the 'Demon Dancing in the Moon'."

B tries a pun, "Heh, the man in the moon sure gets a lot of party guests."

W strategically ignores him, "Saix is a creature known as a Nobody, an empty shell left behind when a strong-willed heart is lost to the Darkness. He still has his memories as Isa before losing his heart, yet his real emotions are now out of reach."

"So... he's an emo."

"He wears the black coat of the Organization, which protects him from being absorbed by Darkness when traveling through the Dark Corridors between worlds."

"Yep. He's an emo."

A detailed image of Saix's weapon appears onscreen.

"Saix wields a claymore, a Scottish variant of the late medieval two-handed longsword. Yet, his seems to more resemble a war hammer given it's wider attack range and power. He can draw more power by calling on energy from moon light. By doing so, he enters 'Berserk' mode which allows him to ignore pain and release blue pillars of flame to destroy his enemies."

"An emo in need of anger management."

"Although he commands lesser Nobodies and gives orders to other members of the Organization, Saix is still willing to take orders from the leader, Xemnas."

"Ah ha ha ha ha ha!"

"What?"

"That name. That anagram. M-A-N-S-E... Ha ha ha ha ha...!" B can't contain himself.

"Oh..." W shakes his head at B's immaturity.

A clip of Saix fills up the moment of silence with, "Different name, same fate."

W says his usual phrase, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

"Let's have a Death Battle!" B shouts.

The stage this time is one that closely resembles one of the empty halls of The Castle That Never Was. A shadow reforms into the alicorn Nightmare Moon before a Corridor of Darkness appears to reveal Saix, claymore already in hand. It seems neither is willing to make a witty opening statement.

The red message appears, "FIGHT!" and then disappears.

Saix gets ready to gather energy from the moon light shining through the glass ceiling. As he does so he asks, "Do you feel it? The moon's power!" He starts levitating as he shouts, "Moon, shine down!" He lets out a humane roar before striking the ground rapidly, which shakes the ground and forms tall walls of blue flame. His assault doesn't seem to be working since Nightmare Moon is flying just out of the flames' range.

Taking advantage of his poor aim, Nightmare Moon fires several lightning bolts at Saix. They don't seem to be having much of an effect on Saix's health or his rage attacks. Barely dodging one of his swings, Nightmare Moon tries for a melee approach by transforming into a dark look-alike to Saix's claymore before bashing him with clockwise motions. This has more of a result as Saix vocally and physically flinches with each hit. His 'Berserk' mode is broken as he falls to the ground stunned. Nightmare Moon morphs back into her alicorn form.

"I misjudged you," Saix mutters.

"Foal! The moon's power belongs to me!" Nightmare Moon shouts as her dark mist of a mane swirls around herself. She transforms and splits into three Pegasi that look kind of like the Wonderbolts, only darker and sinister. With these clones she flies past Saix for multiple quick strikes. Saix manages to use his claymore to knock one of them away only to have the other two hit him again.

"I will leave you with nothing!" he shouts as his claymore knocks a second clone to the ground.

"We shall see about that," the third clone remarks as it pulls in the other two clones. They change back into a single living shadow before it resumes Nightmare's default form. As the minutes have passed, Saix gains enough power to restore his 'Berserk' mode.

"Moon, shine down!" he yells.

"I don't think so!" she retorts as she gallops in close while delivering a lightning-charged horn attack just as Saix slams his claymore down. A bright bluish-white light fills the screen obscuring the vision of the viewers.

The light clears.

The screen reveals a worn out Princess Luna, free from the Nightmare and Saix slowly evaporating.

"Kingdom Hearts, why won't you give me my heart?" he stares at the valentine-shaped moon in the sky before he collapses and disappears completely.

Princess Luna wakes up slightly dazed, "What? Where art we?"

A red message, "K.O.!" appears before the title card shows up.

"Dang," says B, "Some Keyblade wielder's going to be pretty steamed when he finds out a pony did his job better than him."

"I don't know B," differs W, "Saix was able to wear Nightmare to the point where she couldn't hold her host anymore."

Stat screens appear to explain why the result is what it is.

"His fire pillars did force her into the defensive," W continues, "But ultimately, Nightmare's shape-shifting and strategy left Saix without a backup plan. And unlike Saix who was a body without emotions, Nightmare is an emotion without a body, meaning there's no telling when she'll be back."

"Looks like Saix is ax," B tries an anagram... unsuccessfully, "Get it?"

"The winner is Nightmare Moon," declares W.

"Got an idea for a Death Battle? Leave a comment below."

"And don't forget to like. Thanks for watching."

---
A/N: Now I'm positive I'm out of ideas for this kind of thing. Thank you all for liking the first chapter so much. Don't sue me because I literally gain no profit from this. (I regret writing a terrible sequel chapter.)

Chaos Theory

A/N: WARNING: this chapter is slightly influenced by my personal bias. If you don't want to see a fan-favorite die, I suggest skipping this chapter entirely. On that note, remember the three r's: read, relax, and review.
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Sega.
---

Are we really doing another one of these? I thought the director said he was out of ideas last time. Oh, well.

B dramatically screams, "AAAAH! Zombies!"

W confirms, "Well, yeah. It kind of is. This Death Battle will be bringing two challengers from under tombstones."

"Shadow the Hedgehog, the Ultimate Life Form."

"And Discord, the master of Chaos and Disharmony."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

As the title card splits, we get a mug-shot of the black anthro hedgehog.

W reintroduces, "We briefly covered Shadow's facts in his match against Vegeta but there's plenty more to discuss. Created in Space Colony A.R.K. by Dr. Gerald Robotnik, Shadow the Hedgehog has taken the title of Ultimate Life Form."

B adds, "He's your typical anti-hero: moody and always does his own thing."

"His signature attacks rely on the Chaos force. These include but aren't limited to Chaos Spear, Chaos Blast, and Chaos Control. Don't forget, his speed nearly rivals that of Sonic."

"While he does have all that power, he's not against picking up a gun be it man-made or extraterrestrial."

"The most powerful gun he's found on his ventures is the Shadow Rifle, capable of killing most enemies in just one or two shots."

"And he rides motorcycles for leisure." A picture of Shadow riding a motorcycle passes the screen briefly before stat screens take its place.

"As we've said before, Shadow can use all 7 Chaos Emeralds to grant him the form Super Shadow. In his super form, he can fly, survive in areas without air, and move even faster. While his super form only lasts a few minutes, he returns to normal at peak physical condition regardless of his health prior to the transformation."

"Black-hearted evil or brave-hearted hero?" B concludes, "All hail Shadow!"

A clip of Shadow the Hedgehog's "Pure Hero" ending shows him saying, "This is WHO I AM."

The title screen parts to reveal a discombobulated chimera with an even crazier look in his red eyes.

W starts, "Discord is the physical manifestation of Chaos and Disharmony. He ruled over Equestria for an unprecedented period of time causing all of his subjects to suffer before Princess Celestia and Princess Luna locked him in stone."

"Wait a second. Are you telling me that guy is from the same world as those ponies?" B asks in disbelief.

"As his very existence defies the magical order that Equestria relies on, Discord's powers are only bound by imagination and entropy. He can make clouds from cotton candy and have them rain chocolate milk."

"Tay Zonday's gonna sue." Stat screens relating to Discord flash by in a sort of power point style.

"He can deform animals, remove a pony's extra body parts, raise labyrinth walls out of nowhere, and create illusions."

"He'd give Houdini a run for his money."

"His most devastating power is his diplomacy combined with his ability to alter someone's personality. With just a touch or a few subliminal suggestions, he can turn anyone dishonest, angry, greedy, cruel, and disloyal." Pictures of Liar Jack, Angry Pie, Greedity, Flutterwry, and Rainbow Ditch are shown for each adjective.

"I'm starting to like this guy."

"While he isn't a murderer, Discord can leave his enemies indifferent and useless in combat situations."

"Just like the U.S. military."

"Shut up."

A clip of Discord holding a broken umbrella has him saying, "Looks like we might be due for a big old storm of Chaos."

W says, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B interrupts, "Hold up W, I gotta collect some ad money."

"What? B, we're done showing advertisements."

"Not from our home site."

Unexpectedly, B decides to advertise Screw Attack.

"At Screw Attack's home site, we offer plenty of video game related content for you to enjoy for hours on end."

W decides to play along, "And if you subscribe to our low-cost Advantage Program, you'll get exclusive content. In Death Battle's case, gag reels and early access to every episode are available for the low monthly cost."

"Go to screwattack.com to check everything out. But right now, it's time for a Death Batttle!"

I am so getting sued for this... I mean, yes! Let's proceed to the match!

We find ourselves in a weird, blank white space where the draconequus is humming and hawing to himself.

"No," he says as he snaps his fingers. The background changes to a pleasant beach scenery.

"No," he says again. Snapping his fingers changes the background to a picture of the Milky Way Galaxy.

"Goodness, no." A third snap turns the entire setting into a set up similar to the Canterlot labyrinth maze, but only half of the maze is actually there. The rest of the field is a giant crater.

"Perfect!" Discord smiles proudly. A sound of rocket boosters disrupts his play time. The black hedgehog with red quill highlights appears on screen skating on his boosters before coming to a screeching halt.

"Hmpf," he grunts, "I thought I sensed a rather powerful presence in this vicinity. I guess I was mistaken."

"Well, now. What do we have here?" queries Discord, "A porcupine with an ego complex?"

"I am Shadow the Hedgehog, the Ultimate Life Form."

"I'm Discord, the master of Chaos and Disharmony."

"Meh, I guess you'll do for a makeshift punching bag."

"Oh-ho! Feisty little rat. I'm going to have fun with you."

"FIGHT!"

Shadow delivers the first kick and a barrage of martial arts quick blows. Discord takes it while seeming to be forced back.

"Chaos...Spear!" Shadow shouts as he fires three yellow projectile bolts in the shape of spears at Discord. The draconequus is hardly phased as he grabs the spears midair and transforms them all into a bouquet of daisies.

"For me?" he rhetorically asks, "You shouldn't have."

Shadow growls in irritation as he tries a different projectile. It's a red energy beam that travels in a straight line. Discord has a cheeky grin as he pulls out an angled mirror out of nowhere and bounces the energy beam into the sky. As if truly counterattacking, he summons a couple pies out of thin air and throws them toward Shadow. The pies are obliterated as we hear two gunshots. The camera panels over to see Shadow wielding a Shadow Rifle.

"I don't have time for this," he says with an annoyed look. He stashes the rifle into his Sega-knows-where inventory as he calls on the power of all 7 Chaos Emeralds. Red, yellow, green, light blue, blue, purple, and white all glow brightly as Shadow's black quills become an off-white yellow color. He is gathering energy in a fire-esque aura surrounding his entire body.

"Behold the true power I possess!" he declares.

Discord only yawns in response. Apparently he's seen super saiyans before.

"Chaos Control!" shouts Shadow as he seems to disappear in a small blue flash. In reality, he has slowed down time of his surroundings in order to appear that he's moving much faster. As he tries attacking the enemy from behind, Discord slowly reaches one of his hands out and grabs the hedgehog mid-attack. Shadow is caught off guard by this motion and can't move.

"Did you forget what I said earlier?" Discord asks with a much more serious face than before, "I'm the master of Chaos. The fact that you hold it in your veins makes little difference over how much I can control it." He tosses Shadow back a few yards who lands on the ground flinching in pain.

Shadow's super form subsides as his aura and quills return to their black color. The physical contact with Discord is not without consequence. Shadow's forehead starts turning gray as the rest of his body follows suit. He can only lay there with his eyes wide in shock.

---
Somehow we enter the semi-conscious mind of the black hedgehog. He's floating in a dark, blank space with his eyes closed.

"Shadow," a voice resonates through the space.

Shadow opens his eyes and looks startled.

"Maria?" he asks. A translucent silhouette of a young, blond girl with blue eyes confirms Shadows query.

"Shadow, do you remember your promise?"

"I promised...," he pauses before realizing, "I promised you that I would give people another chance."

The silhouette nods her head.

"But if this guy wins here," Shadow realized, "Then they won't have that chance."

Maria's silhouette vanishes as Shadow remembers his life resolve.

"For you, Maria, and everyone else in the world, I will not lose!"

A new strength rises within Shadow as he remembers the words of an ancient Echidna.

The servers are the seven chaos.
Chaos is power enriched by the heart.
The controller is the one that unifies the chaos.

Shadow's growing inner power is enough to clear his shroud of unconsciousness.
---

"Aw, what's the matter?" mocks Discord as he looks at the shell-shocked vessel of the hedgehog, "Through already?"

Shadow's eyes blink before narrowing in righteous fury. His color is restored to black and red as an aura surges through him and the surrounding air.

"What's this?" Discord is clearly surprised, not expecting an instant recovery. He tries raining chocolate milk on the now-standing hedgehog, but Shadow's aura evaporates it before it even touches him. Discord tries snapping a few times, but he doesn't get any results.

"Impossible!" Discord cries.

"Chaos...," Shadow crosses his arms, "Control...," his fists become open palms toward the sky, "...BLAST!"

A blackish, reddish, blue explosion fills the entire setting and engulfs Discord.

His last dying thought is, I think I preferred being stone.

As the light clears, the barren crater has been filled with a wide variety of wild flowers. Shadow stands in the middle of it down on one knee.

"I did it," he whispers as he closes his eyes to reflect for a while. A sigh of relief escapes his mouth.

"K.O.!"

B shouts, "Explosions!" Stat screens appear reflecting on the techniques and strategies used by both challengers in this battle.

W interjects, "Discord had a distinct advantage at first, countering Shadow's attacks and making him lose his cool. But his most devastating power ended up being his own undoing. Discord can only reverse the personality if that unused trait exists in his victim's heart. Since Shadow hides his softer emotions of love and care for his lost friend Maria, releasing that emotion actually became Shadow's source of strength."

"Emo plus a bag of *eff*s makes a deadly combination."

"The winner is Shadow the Hedgehog."

The theme song "All of Me" by Crush 40 plays while a picture of Shadow and his name appear on screen before the closing title card.

Can you see all of me?
Walk into my mystery.
Step inside and hold on for dear life.
Do you remember me?
Capture you or set you free?
I am all, I am all of me.

"Special thanks to Takahata101 for providing the voice of Shadow."

"Thanks for watching."

---
A/N: Okay, there was one suggestion in the previous comments that I guess I will work on, but I'm not promising pleasant results. In fact, I can almost foresee losing all of my trackers just because of it. Well, now that that's been said...
Properties all belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit for this. Love and tolerance to all!

Eyes vs. Stomach

A/N: I think I'm making a mistake writing this chapter. I mean it's a freaking adorable character, and it's going to die.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! *sobs*
...
Okay... I'm done. *sniff* Let's just get this over with.
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Nintendo.
---

Shouldn't we stop making random characters fight to the death? I mean what's the point? I- what? Oh, whoops we're live.

Various pictures of Nintendogs, cute Pokemon, and other things pass the screen.

B coos, "Aww, they're so cute... Let's rip 'em to shreds!"

W says, "Today, we're pitting two characters that the media deems adorable but deadly. Kirby the Star Warrior of Dreamland and Fluttershy the Element of Kindness."

B for once is rendered speechless at the fact that another pony has ended up in these Death Battles.

"I'm W and he's B and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

The title screen parts to reveal a pink puffball with a cute face, stubby arms, and red shoes.

W starts the introduction, "Like Yoshi, Kirby is both this guy's name and his species. He is a citizen of Dreamland on the planet Pop Star." Various statistics regarding Kirby are listed to the side.

"Despite his positive cheerful personality," W continues, "the one mistake no enemy should make is underestimating him."

B adds, "This guy can eat your face... and your arm... and your leg... and your torso..."

"Yes, Kirby can inhale and ingest his enemies with his signature ability. Usually, this power allows him various power boosts such as projectiles, endurance, and occasionally fireballs. Upon inhaling certain enemies, Kirby is granted the Copy Ability which allows him to use all of the powers of the person or creature he's eaten. However, those enemies happen to be the ones that... uh,... get out." W clearly wishes to avoid talking about-

"Yeah, but that's what makes battling him even more torturous. Can you imagine getting beat up by moves you thought were only mastered by you? How embarrassing."

"While this is Kirby's most well-known ability, it is certainly not his only one. He can draw a sword out of his non-existent belt and when an enemy is directly beneath him, he can transform into a brick dealing a heavy blow."

"Heh heh, he said blow."

"Kirby's faced a wide variety of enemies and rivals, including King Dedede and Meta Knight."

"And he's still got that smile glued to his face."

A dramatic cut scene is shown where Kirby transforms into Fire Kirby saying, "Poyo!"

The title card parts this time to reveal a long pink-maned, yellow Pegasus smiling at butterflies.

"Another pony?" B asks skeptically, "Another pony?!"

"Fluttershy resides in Ponyville in Equestria," W dodges the question, "After falling from her home in Cloudsdale, she found her true calling as an animal caretaker and physician."

B sighs exasperatedly.

"Under normal circumstances, Fluttershy has a very reserved personality. She's soft spoken and tends to avoid social gatherings."

"Why am I not surprised?"

Stats appear onscreen pertaining to Fluttershy.

"However, she will not accept the fact that someone hurts her friends. Should such an event occur, she becomes much more authoritative and motherly, demeaning the perpetrators into submission. This is helped by her signature move that many simply refer to as 'The Stare'."

"You're... kidding."

"Under the Stare's influence, animals, monsters, and other ponies lose much of their intimidating bravado allowing Fluttershy to get away with just about anything. But her intimidation isn't her only secret weapon. When properly motivated or provoked, she can wrestle a bear to the point of snapping its neck and fly at Mach speeds giving Rainbow Dash a run for her money."

"Are we still talking about the same horse?"

"Should she ever get truly frustrated or enraged, she can herd an entire stampede of animals simply by charging."

"Huh."

An earthquake shaken scene reveals a door slammed open and a very ragged Fluttershy breathing, "You're... going... to LOVE ME!"

W states his pre-battle catch phrase, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B interrupts, "But first an advertisement from... uh..."

"Actually, B, we're not doing those anymore."

"All right! Time for an ad-free Death Battle! Except for Screw Attack which you should check out after this because it's awesome."

An open meadow field is the stage for this match. Kirby is riding his star in from the left of the screen before landing. Fluttershy gently flaps in from the right, blushing slightly after landing.

"FIGHT!"

"Oh, were we fighting?" asks a concerned Fluttershy, "I'm sorry." She flies over to where Kirby is standing and attempts to punch. Only, it sounds more like a tap. Kirby acts like he doesn't notice. Maybe he doesn't notice. Fluttershy attempts to use her other hoof to punch. This time the tap results in a giggle from Kirby.

At first Fluttershy isn't sure what's going on. But then a light bulb goes off in her mind.

"Tickle, tickle, tickle," she mutters while tapping Kirby. This results in more giggles from the pink puffball.

"Tickle, tickle, tickle," Fluttershy says with more confidence and more taps. Kirby is literally rolling around laughing.

Unfortunately, this funny moment was not meant to last. Kirby in his fits of laughter begins inhaling with his black hole of a stomach. Fluttershy squeals in fright trying to fly away, but it's too late. She's already within range of being sucked in. As she disappears behind Kirby's lips, he gulps as his Copy Ability alters his head with a pink mane and small feathered wings.

After this change, Fluttershy is... *ahem*... ejected but she shakes her head as if she were dizzy.

"How dare you?" she mutters. Then she turns around and faces Kirby completely.

"How dare you?!" Fluttershy shouts as she unwittingly activates her 'Stare'. Contrary to the norm, however, Kirby also activates the 'Stare'. The collision of the two 'Stares' creates seismic energy that shakes the entire battle field.

We pan out to the satellite camera that's keeping an eye on the planet as a whole. The planet shakes violently until it explodes in all directions. Neither challenger can be seen in the aftermath.

"Double K.O.!"

B comments, "Well, that world's *eff*ed. Our bad."

Stat screens filled with text regarding the battle as W reflects, "Since neither challenger takes the initiative in most fights, it seemed like this would be an innocent competition of who got the last laugh. Unfortunately for them both, Kirby's bizarre digestive system was their undoing. The world can barely sustain the gravity of one overpowered 'Stare'. Two simultaneous 'Stares' was just too much for it."

"Staring contest! Darn it, I blinked!"

"This Death Battle is a draw." Pictures of both competitors appear onscreen with the word 'DRAW' underneath them.

Credits roll by as our hosts are left speechless.

---
A/N: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Fluttershy... I... I... I'll find you a Phoenix Down. Yeah! And maybe a Max Revive, that should help, right? Right? I won't let you die forever. I just won't.
...
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. (Don't kill me!)
...
...
...
Wait...
No...
It's not over yet.
*pulls out Pinkie Pie's remote control*
(rewinds to a previous moment)
---

"How dare you?!" Fluttershy shouts as she unwittingly releases the 'Stare'. It's so deep and unnerving that it scares the copied abilities right out of Kirby.

"Listen here, mister! Just because you're cute doesn't mean you can eat whoever you want."

Kirby's face almost looks like it's shrinking, though it's impossible for his face to get any smaller.

"Now you go back to your room and think about what you've done mister," Fluttershy's lecture continues, "Do you understand me?"

Kirby quickly nods, grabs his star transport, and hightails it out of there. Fluttershy's 'Stare' subsides.

"Oh, um, excuse me, Mr. Narrator sir," her voice has returned to its softer tone, "What happens now?"

That's a good question. Oh wait, I've got it.

"K.O!"

B is amazed, "Dang. Forget what I said earlier. That pony's a boss!"

W keeps a professional tone, "It seemed like the fight was all over when Kirby used his inhaling Copy Ability, but Fluttershy's 'Stare' and assertiveness were able to quickly turn things around."

"Tickling puffballs, like a BOSS! Staring daggers, like a BOSS! Tell him off, like a BOSS! Now he's gone, like a BOSS!"

"The winner is Fluttershy." A picture of the bearer of Kindness and her name underneath mark the end of this episode.

B quickly states, "By the way, for those of you wondering when we'll make Goku fight Superman..."

W interjects, "Actually, B, we're out of time. Thanks for watching."

---
A/N: I was really hesitant to submit the chapter as it was at about 1200 words. That's when it hit me, "make an alternate ending." And best of all Fluttershy's still around to stay. *yay*
Next time... hm... I'll have to get back to you on that.
Thanks for reading.

The Race of Champions

A/N: Man, I was really hoping I could think up some more events to happen in my other story "Seven Princesses of Light". But I've got writer's block in that regard. So, in the meantime while I'm ignoring homework, let's get started with another Death Battle parody.
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Sega. Read, relax, and review (well, comment but you get the point).
---

You know, I worry about the director sometimes. I think he's starting to run out of ideas. But hey, I'm not getting paid to give my opinion. Actually, I'm not getting paid at all but that's beside the point.

Various pictures of Nascar and Mario Kart flood the screen. These are followed by pictures of stands in winner's circles.

B starts with enthusiasm, "There are two things in life I've come to really like: going fast and winning."

W responds, "Well, you're in luck then, B, because this time we're bringing together two winners from previous Death Battles that are the fastest of the fast."

"Sonic the Hedgehog, the blue blur."

"And Rainbow Dash, the Element of Loyalty."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

The title card parts to reveal a fairly confident blue anthro hedgehog.

"Since we've gone over Sonic's repertoire before," begins W, "Let's do a quick recap." Various stat screens appear as W continues.

"Sonic is often called the fastest thing on his feet. Notably, he's been able to reach the speed of light on numerous occasions, though his average typically sticks out at just over 765 miles per hour."

"And he still hasn't changed those shoes?" B guffaws, "He must have some really stinky feet by now."

"His figure-8 and spin dash techniques allow him to reach top speed almost instantly and his driving speed isn't too shabby either."

"Why the hell would he drive a car?"

"Although Sonic can't swim, his bubble shield allows him to breathe underwater as well as provide a powerful bounce to his jumps."

"His other shields include a magnetic shield that attract power rings, a fire shield that protects against heat, and a green shield that's good for blocking one fatal blow."

"As we've said before, the 7 Chaos Emeralds grant Sonic the power and speed of Super Sonic. However, this is just one of several forms he can acquire. Should he absorb negative Chaos energy, he becomes Dark Sonic a form whose abilities rival and may even surpass his super form."

"So it's Super Sonic with an emo complex."

"Sonic also has item-specific forms. When he wields the legendary sword Excalibur, he gains the golden armor of King Arthur which boosts his speed, invulnerability, and enables flight."

"So it's Super Sonic with a sword."

"Wielding the World Rings allows Sonic to use the form of Darkspine Sonic, a slightly darker and more violent form of Super Sonic."

"So it's Super Sonic with anger issues."

"Transforming the Chaos Emeralds into Super Emeralds allows Sonic to become Hyper Sonic."

"So it's Super Sonic with rainbows."

"Will you stop that?"

"What? It's true."

"But no matter what form he takes, he's always willing to save the day."

A clip of Sonic on planet Wisp has him telling off Eggman with the phrase, "No copyright law in the universe can stop me!"

A picture of a proud cyan Pegasus with a 7-colored mane shows up on screen after the title card splits.

"Now that's the second most awesome pony I've ever seen," declares B, clearly remembering Fluttershy from last episode.

"We briefly covered Rainbow Dash in her last battle, but there's plenty more to discuss," states W, "Her wing power of 16.5 gives her enough velocity to reach mach 5 speeds." Statistics and factoids appear on screen as W keeps talking.

"As a Pegasus, she can manipulate tornadoes, lightning, and precipitation. She can also stand and walk on clouds."

"Does that mean she's high?" B jokes.

W conveniently ignores him, "Her Sonic Rainboom technique allows her to breech Mach 10 speeds and break the visible light spectrum. It is also argued that this technique can be used to demolish old buildings. Other researchers claim that it's a different technique entirely and have dubbed it the Atomic Rainnuke."

"This pony's a nuclear bomb?!"

"Despite her usually steadfast, loyal character, Rainbow can get prideful and overconfident. She shares this problem with Sonic. When her pride is attacked, she gets stressed and worried about the possibility of failure."

"Dash doesn't like losing."

"I hate losing," confirms a recording of Rainbow Dash.

W continues, "She typically rushes into a problem headfirst which leaves no time for any actual planning for more complex problems."

"She's too fast and too furious," concludes B.

A clip of Rainbow in Ghastly Gorge shows her saying, "Dun dun dun! ...Gesundheit."

W declares, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B says, "Don't forget to check out Screw Attack's website when you get the chance. But right now, it's time for a Death Battle!"

A section of land resembling Green Hill Zone minus the robots has been set aside for our match today. The challengers waste no time showing up onscreen.

"Ready to do this?" asks the confident blue hedgehog.

"Aw, yeah!" replies the just-as-confident cyan Pegasus.

"FIGHT!"

The fighters are quickly lost from the camera's view, as their speedy forms resemble blurs of color smacking across each other in rapid succession. Neither of them misses a beat nor slows down.

Sonic tries to boost his damage with his fire shield power-up. Rainbow responds by flying out of range before bringing in a rain cloud. A bit of bouncing on her part leaves Sonic drenched and unshielded. She takes this opportunity to fly around Sonic with her Rainblow Dry tornado. Though initially caught in the twister, Sonic quickly spin dashes his way into his own Sonic Wind attack spinning in the opposite direction of the tornado. The result is a gentle breeze in every direction.

Rainbow tries bringing in a thunderhead to scare Sonic with lightning bolts, but Sonic is one step ahead of her with a magnetic shield already in place. The lightning zaps the shield, but curves around it, leaving Sonic unfazed. But then Rainbow Dash brings in another rain cloud to quickly vaporize the shield. Strangely, Sonic is dry this time.

"Now it's time to get serious!" he declares. He starts spin dashing a bit faster while he seems to gather light particles.

Dash seems to get take this as a hint to start her strongest attack. She flies up higher than she normally dares to soar. At the peak of her ascension, she immediately starts flying downward adding the pull of gravity to her already fast pace.

Down on the ground, Sonic's Light Speed Attack is almost fully charged. The last particles surround Sonic in a pale blue light as he shouts, "Ready?" Three seconds pass before he runs forward shouting, "Go!"

Dash is 7 meters above the ground and closing in fast. It's convenient that the particular point is where both competitors are aiming.

"RAAAAH!" yells Dash as she careens toward the ground. As Sonic reaches the point, a huge mushroom cloud of seven colors covers a large portion of the visible sky. The explosion is joined by a white ring of light resembling that of a flash grenade. It's difficult to see anything for the next few moments.

As the smoke and debris finally start to clear, we see two tuckered out speedsters lying on the ground eyes closed. At first, it looks like they both bit the dust until a chuckle escapes the mouth of the blue hedgehog. A responsive chuckle is heard from the Pegasus. Before long, both are laughing like a couple of idiots.

"That was incredible," says Sonic.

"That was awesome," agrees Dash.

Both of them get up slowly, each covered with haphazard bruises. As they walk toward each other, the look of fight is gone. Instead looks of admiration cross their faces.

"We should compete again someday," he says.

"Yeah, when we're both at our best," she responds.

"Catch you later!" they shout together as they speed off in separate directions.

"FRIENDSHIP!"

"Friendship? Again?"

"Fast things and explosions!" shouts B.

"Their speeds were evenly matched, making simple brawling a null option," observed W.

"Even their tornadoes were equally powered."

"It seemed this battle would finally reach its end when Sonic's Light Speed Attack met Rainbow's Atomic Rainnuke."

"And it kind of did," B says in a voice that's kind of let down at the deathless conclusion.

"With both combatants on respectful terms, this Death Battle is a draw."

Pictures of both contestants are shown side-by-side with the bold word "DRAW" underneath.

---Death Battle---

Credits play to the sound of "City Escape".

---
A/N: Was there ever any doubt? As cocky as either of them are, I think props is an appropriate way to end a parody chapter. As far as personalities are concerned, they're practically identical: loyal and true.
Properties belong to their owners. I gain no profit. Blah, blah, you know.
Oh, FYI, I'm not going to do a whole lot of editing to the Main Character Tags. With there being a 5 tag limit and no guarantee that certain characters actually become a part of this... yeah. Later days!

Talk the Talk...(AKA the mistake chapter)

A/N: Frankly, this chapter was a mistake. If we were you, we would quit now and stop reading any further.
*Falcon Punch* Shove off, GLaDOS! This is my story!
Though she does have a point.
WARNING: If you don't wish to see a fan favorite die or even compared to another character because you believe they are superior in every aspect, please leave now and don't torture yourself. Thank you.

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Kazuki Takahashi. Oh, and Valve... I guess.
---

Seriously, how many of these is the director going to make? You'd think he has a better reason than just to kill time. Whoops, camera's rolling.

Clips of Alec Trevelyan, Seto Kaiba, Blue, and various other egotists cross the screen.

B sighs in frustration, "I can't stand it when people talk like they're better than everyone else. Only I can do that!"

W keeps a level tone of professionalism, "Today we're putting two of television's self-centered boasters into the ring."

"Sayer or Divine (in Japan) of the G5 duelists."

"And the Great and Powerful Trixie of the G4 unicorn ponies."

"Do I even have to say it anymore?" B is still a bit huffy about the number of ponies being brought into these battles as of late.

"He's B and I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

A man with a look that could kill is shown on screen.

"Sayer is the founder and leader of the Arcadia Movement, an organization founded specifically to gather Psychic Duelist soldiers to exact revenge for New Domino City's discrimination," W says as statistics are shown on the screen.

"He doesn't look black to me," comments B.

"As a Psychic Duelist himself, Sayer is able to make the duel monster cards he plays actual manifestations of what the cards depict. His most commonly used attack is the Spell Card Hinotama, a fireball that would normally deal 500 points of damage to the opponent's life points. His melee weapon of choice is the Spell Card Psychic Sword, an equip spell that would raise a Psychic-Type monsters Attack Power given the right circumstances."

"Wait, when did Yu-gi-oh become Pokemon?"

"Like any other duelist, Sayer carries a duel disk, allowing him to summon and play any of the cards in his deck. So, he's not limited to his spells of preference. While Sayer claims to be anti-discriminatory, he's not against torturing or killing his co-workers and test subjects with chains, electricity, fire, and brainwashing."

"Some 'Divine' guy he is," remarks B using Sayer's Japanese name as a pun.

A clip runs where Sayer whispers the phrase, "The entrance to the Underworld is on the witch's island," into Akiza's ear.

The title screen parts to reveal a light blue pony wearing a purple wizard's hat and cape.

"Trixie Lulamoon is a traveling show pony and a master of illusion based magic," W introduces.

"Master my foot," mutters B.

Various statistics appear on screen as W continues.

"As a unicorn, Trixie can perform basic levitation on inanimate objects and living matter. Aside from that, her personal favorite spells include object summoning, rope manipulation, and thunderhead formation. She can also trigger fireworks and makeshift smoke bombs."

"What's so great and powerful about her? Most other unicorns can use exactly the same types of magic with less flashiness and greater effectiveness."

"Trixie can also alter the hair styles of others to the point of grotesque and disturbing conglomerations."

"I mean she exaggerates every single normal aspect about herself."

"Well, B, that's kind of her job as a performer. She has to 'sell' herself to her audience."

"You couldn't pay me to watch one of her half-*ss*d acts."

A clip of Trixie is almost a perfect counterargument to B's complaints as Trixie says, "Well, well, well, it seems we have some neigh-sayers in the audience."

"Rumor has it that she vanquished an Ursa Major with just her overwhelming magic," W adds as a last note.

"Pics or it didn't happen, lady!" B retorts.

The last clip of the blue unicorn reveals her saying, "You'll never be able to match the amazing, show-stopping ability of the Great and Powerful Trixie!" It ends with one of her smoke bombs.

Cue W's catchphrase, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B interrupts, "Hold up, W. I got to go buy more ammo for my baby launcher/kitty cannon."

"Wha...? B! I told you that was a terrible idea."

"But Netflix gave me plenty of money to work with. Gamefly, GoDaddy, and Square Space did too. Right now, it's time for a Death Battle!"

An abandoned amusement park appears to be the stage for this Death Battle. From the left side of the screen, a flashy pop-up stage appears as a loud voice resounds.

"Come one! Come all! Come see the amazing talent of the Great and Powerful Trixie!" The blue unicorn pony appears in a veil of one of her smoke bombs. She makes a bowing motion before talking to herself.

"That was perfect if Trixie does say so herself."

"You certainly look the part," says a man's voice. From the right of the screen, the maroon-haired man shows up in an overcoat.

"Let's see if you're of any use to me," says Sayer. Wow, 'says Sayer' sounds somewhat silly... and redundant.

"FIGHT!"

"Hinotama!" Sayer shouts as he plays his spell card in his duel disk. A fairly large, red fireball appears before flying towards the stage on which the unicorn is standing. A cloud of smoke appears before the fire hits the stage and engulfs it.

"Is that the best you've got?" asks Trixie. She has teleported behind the man before summoning her signature thunderhead to cast lightning. Although the lightning connects, Sayer is unfazed.

"Ha! I take more volts than that on a regular basis!" he brags. He summons his Psychic Sword in his right hand. Trixie attempts to manipulate her rope to entangle her enemy only to watch the threads be slashed to ribbons by the man's blade. When he attempts to strike her directly, another column of smoke allows her to change locations again.

"Stop running away, you coward!" shouts Sayer.

"Who's running?" retorts Trixie off screen. A powerful surge is concentrated at the base of her horn as she casts a new spell. Never had she before used object summoning to that degree.

"What the...?" asks Sayer as he is now faced with a 10-story tall purple bear. It's clearly displeased as it charges toward the man before it. It releases a loud roar.

"K-Krebons, stop the attack!" Sayer commands as he shakily plays one of his monster cards on his duel disk. An obscure-looking clown appears but is quickly shattered as it collides with the giant bear.

"Th-Thought Ruler Archfiend! Magical Android!" A skeleton dragon and a sorceress take the field. While they hold for a few seconds longer than the clown, they are both smashed to smithereens.

There's only one target left for the Ursa Major to crush. For once, Sayer experiences fear as the giant paw comes down upon him. The result is not a pleasant sight for queasy stomachs.

With the time diminished on Trixie's summoning spell, the Ursa Major disappears. It returns to wherever it was prior to the summoning.

"Was there ever any doubt?" asks Trixie with her head held high.

"K.O.!"

B looks taken aback, "Why are these ponies so awesome?"

As usual, W takes the professional tone, "Even though Sayer has more experience as a leader, Trixie clearly had the upper hand right from the start. While Sayer was able to fend off her more common attacks, Trixie's final cast was able to destroy everything left in his arsenal." The stat screen agrees with W's observation.

"Okay, so she can fight... I'm still not buying tickets to her show."

"The winner is Trixie Lulamoon." A picture of the blue unicorn pony is shown with the bold words "The Great and Powerful Trixie" shown underneath.

B announces, "Next time on Death Battle..."

Dark silhouettes appear on screen as various phrases also appear.

Leader

Intelligent

Strategist

Friend

Who is the one?

Shadows of a unicorn and a little girl occupy the screen with the word VS between them.

Credits roll as the hosts thank the viewers for watching.

---
A/N: The difference between us is that I can feel pain.
Yeah, yeah, I'm sure you can GLaDOS.
...
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. You know the drill.

Great Minds Think Alike

A/N: Okay, I should give you all a fair warning. I have no idea where I'm going with this chapter. Just know that the end result might not be pretty. All right, now that that's been said...
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Hanna-Barbera Studios.
---

Okay, no! Director, you allowed Trixie to be WAY overpowered in the last battle. She wouldn't stand a chance against... what?
We're on in 10? *sigh* Fine. But I'm warning you, director.

Various teams from the media appear on screen.

W starts off with, "Every great team in history was known to have a great leader."

B adds, "Like Blossom of the Powerpuff Girls."

"And Twilight Sparkle of the bearers of Harmony."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

The title card parts to reveal a small girl in a pink dress and a red bow.

W introduces, "Made from sugar, spice, everything nice, and chemical X, Blossom and her sisters Bubbles and Buttercup form the Powerpuff Girls, the heroes of the city of Townsville."

B states, "The city has been targeted by a green monkey, a hill-billy bigfoot, giant monsters, a chick with hair issues, and even the devil himself. But the girls kick all of their hindquarters."

Stats appear onscreen as W talks about them.

"Since she was created from chemical X, Blossom has a wide variety of superpowers including super strength, laser vision, sonic screaming, and flight. One power that's unique to Blossom is her ice breath, since neither of her sisters can duplicate it."

"Blossom is considered the "smart one", so she takes care of most of the planning before taking action."

"She's considered the most level-headed and mature of the group and often acts as the peacemaker in familial debates. Despite this, she is constantly arguing with Buttercup for not seeing her analytical approach and she gets fussy when things aren't orderly."

"Sounds like your last ex-girlfriend, right W?"

"Right. Wait, no!"

A scene where Blossom has been imprinted into a wall shows her saying, "Why do they always pick the hard way?"

A portrait of a lavender unicorn pony with a purple mane and pink highlights enters the screen.

"Personal student of Princess Celestia of Equestria," W begins "Twilight Sparkle and her five friends form the team known as the Elements of Harmony."

"They live in the town of Ponyville," continues B, "which is constantly in danger from dragons, giant bears, animal stampedes, and the occasional super villain or two."

A stat screen appears as W picks up the pace.

"Twilight is an avid spell-caster. After studying from countless tomes, she has mastered several types of magic including levitation, teleportation, illumination, magic shields, wind conjuration, and various object summoning."

"She's also learned forbidden enchantments like the Want-it-need-it, which makes anyone and everyone fall in love with whatever she's enchanted."

"Twilight is often considered the most level-headed and organized out her group of 6. Her intellect and analytical thought processes seem to match this consideration and she's often the first to make plans for dealing with the town's problems. Despite this, she has more often than not questioned Pinkie Pie's non-analytical ideas and gets frustrated when things are disorderly."

"Now why does that sound familiar?"

"Twilight is obsessed with punctuality. Should her schedule be thrown off or a deadline missed, she starts acting vain and overbearing on details that others would see as ridiculous and unnecessary."

"The Element of Magic has O.C.D."

"Yet she's always willing to learn a new lesson about the magic of friendship."

A clip shows Twilight Sparkle saying, "We've learned that friendship isn't always easy. But there's no doubt it's worth fighting for."

W declares, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B yells, "Let's get ready for a Death Battle!"

Blossom is seen flying over a section of land that has structures similar to Townsville's architecture. A twinkle of light catches the corner of her eye and she goes to investigate the source. It seems a lavender unicorn has appeared on one of the streets. Good thing there's no traffic right now.

"FIGHT!"

"Wait, time out!" both combatants shout as they go off opposite sides of the screen. Twilight pulls out a quill pen and a piece of parchment while Blossom uses a stick with the gravelly ground. They seem to be doing various calculations.

"Let's see, if I just levitate the leptons...," Twilight says to herself.

"If I triangulate the trajectory...," Blossom muses to herself.

Do you have any idea what they're talking about?

---
A/N: No, I don't.
---

Me neither.

It seems that the two geniuses need a little time to plan their patterns of attack. Hums and ah-has are heard as they keep writing their plans out.

"Got it!" they shout simultaneously before returning to the original starting point of the fight. Hm... maybe we should start from the top.

"FIGHT!"

Twilight releases a volley of reddish magic bolts while Blossom counters with her own volley of laser eyes. The collisions provide a nice, low-air fireworks display. They continue this volley boxing as they circle each other.

Blossom breaks away from the dance first, flying high above the nearest skyscraper. With the range getting longer and the aim getting less precise, Twilight disappears in a flash of light before reappearing at the top of one of the skyscrapers. With her enemy closer, she attempts her volley of magic missiles again.

The Powerpuff leader dodges each of the blasts before releasing a high pitched scream. The resonating sound waves are visible and blue and start to shake the entire building. The skyscraper's foundation begins to crumble just as Twilight realizes what's going on.

"Wah!" yelps the unicorn as she vanishes in a poof of light. She appears on a building two blocks away. As she begins to catch her breath, a familiar scream can be heard. This building is falling too. She teleports to the next building. This process keeps repeating itself ten times. At this point, Twilight simply teleports back to ground level.

As per the next part of her strategy, Twilight conjures her wind spell which blows at a much faster speed than what she was capable of doing before. Blossom is struggling to fight the strong wind as she attempts to fly toward her opponent. She suddenly gets a new idea. She starts blowing and ice crystals start to take the shape of the gale winds. As the frost surrounds her, it starts solidifying into a shape that reduces wind resistance. While this forces her flight path slightly downward, she is certainly making more progress.

Noticing that her wind spell isn't having as great an effect, Twilight switches her focus to form a giant bubble of magic around herself. Without the gale wind to fight against, Blossom's horizontal flight speed increases exponentially. She's on a collision course with Twilight's current location. The unicorn appears to be straining, as if her energy is just about used up.

The half-frozen Powerpuff collides with the magic shield head-on. Time holds still for the two as they both strain themselves in regards to the shield. It shows signs of cracking as Twilight finally loses her hold. The bubble is shattered and she collapses onto the ground as Blossom lands heavily a couple feet away. The ice on her body breaks as she lands. Both the unicorn and the Powerpuff are breathing heavily, but only the Powerpuff is standing.

If my calculations are correct, thinks Twilight, I only have enough left for... that spell. She was hoping it didn't have to come to this, but now she has no choice.

As Blossom braces herself for what could be a trap, a light starts surrounding the unicorn's horn and body. Within a couple seconds, she's gone. Twilight is no longer on the stage of battle. Blossom falls back into a sitting position still breathing heavily.

"K.O.!"

"Aw, c'mon," whines B, "I wanted to see some blood shed."

W reflects the situation of the entire match, "Both fighters had plenty of intellect and planning ready after a minute of critical thinking. However, Blossom has more experience improvising in the heat of battle. While Twilight's magic is powerful, she can only use so much of it in a single time period without exhausting herself. That last teleportation spell will probably leave her unconscious when she arrives home."

"Her white light was her white flag."

"The winner is Blossom." A picture of Blossom with her name underneath appears onscreen.

"Special thanks to all those who offered their voice talents in this episode," says W.

"Thanks for watching," acknowledges B.

---
A/N: This chapter was made for a request. I apologize if it doesn't meet their expectations. But, I wasn't really keen on sending it in any other direction.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. See ya'll later.

Change of Face

A/N: Maybe it's the hot weather in my area, but I'm feeling a bit moody today. Regardless of the Season 2 finale, in my opinion Nightmare Moon will always be my favorite villain. I'm a stickler for the classics.
---

Said the guy who didn't grow up with comic books, classic Sonic, and old-school Mario.

---
A/N: Oh, shut up. *sigh* Anyway, if you haven't seen the Season 2 finale (episodes 51 and 52), this may contain some spoilers. You hear that? It's called a "spoiler alert". On that note, enjoy.
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Netherrealm Studios.
---

Well, I've picked on the director enough for now. Let's get on with it. In 3...2...1.

Various pictures are thrown across the screen as the episode gets started.

W opens, "This time on Death Battle, we're bringing in some shape-shifters."

B adds, "The mutants or villains that always hide right under your nose posing as your best friend."

"Like Shang Tsung, sorcerer of Outworld and Chrysalis, queen of the changelings."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

A picture of an elderly man followed by a picture of the same man in his younger years is shown after the title card opens.

"With the powers only Death Battle possesses, we've brought back the pawn of Shao Kahn for another round," says W.

B smoothly states, "It was so much fun watching him get beat up by Akuma, we just had to watch it happen again."

"Shang Tsung is the host of Mortal Kombat tournaments between Earth Realm and Outworld. He was cursed by the Elder gods to rapidly age until an untimely death. The only way to prevent his death is to absorb souls from his victims."

A stat screen appears as B talks.

"Like we said before, this allows him to heal up and use the moves of the form he copies."

"Shang Tsung is adept at a form of pyromancy, shooting flaming skulls, teleporting through the floor with hot escape, and summoning flaming skulls from the floor."

"He also hides a straight sword for surprise attacks and he can open portals between realms."

"Whenever he does claim victory, it's always the result of cheating and manipulation."

"What a dick."

A scene of Shang Tsung walking on screen has him say, "Your soul is mine!"

A picture of a very cut-up alicorn with insectoid wings and a green aura about her takes the screen.

"AAAAH!" shouts B, "Kill it with fire!"

W holds the professionalism here, "Born from the dark boundaries of Equestria, Chrysalis is the queen of a race known as the changelings, all capable of transforming into whoever they see."

"How many ugly *eff*s are there in Equestria?"

Various factoids appear on screen as W picks up the description.

"On her own, her magic is capable of blasting enemies, opening portals to the underground caverns, brainwashing, and levitation."

"She's so ugly, how ugly is she."

"As a changeling, Chrysalis is able to transform herself into any other pony she sees. Specifically, she tends to copy lovers' affection as she needs to absorb the energy of true love in order to keep her strength up. This is one of the reasons why she wants to take over Equestria, as its citizens hold the most true love in the entire world. Unfortunately, if too much love energy is present, it can repel her and all of her changeling minions out of a given city area."

"Expecto Patronum!" shouts B, "...What?"

A clip from an episode shows Chrysalis saying, "First we take Canterlot, and then ALL of Equestria!"

Cue W saying, "All right the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B says, "While we're doing that, I'm going to buy a new flamethrower."

"What? Where did you get the money for a flamethrower?"

"From the sales of our Death Battle T-shirts, guaranteed to make the wearer 30% sexier in 5 seconds flat. (No refunds.) Time for a Death Battle!"

A tall castle-esque hallway marks the stage of this Death Battle. From the floor, two fiery circles appear, one green and one orange. The changeling emerges from the green portal while the middle-age appearance of the sorcerer rises from the orange portal. No words are spoken from either of them.

"FIGHT!"

Chrysalis giggles before taking on the form of Shang Tsung. The real sorcerer quickly proves he's the real one by summoning a fiery skull just underneath his imposter's feet. The imposter Tsung is sent flying as two more skulls ram his back. Abandoning her game of pretend, Chrysalis regains her default, changeling form as she falls onto the ground.

As she gets up, Shang disappears through the floor in a blaze before reappearing behind the alicorn wannabe. Shang then takes the form of the blue clothed Kitana. She pulls forth a couple bladed fans and starts waving them in front of her. This creates a mini-tornado that starts lifting Chrysalis.

The changeling is not fazed by this wind as she quickly opens her bug-like wings and flies around the imposter Kitana. Chrysalis activates her green magic to open a green, burning hole in the ground. It absorbs the would-be Kitana who disappears from view. Chrysalis starts laughing before she notices an orange portal off to her side.

The restored Shang Tsung jumps out of the portal to about Chrysalis' aerial position. He then changes forms to look like Liu Kang before delivering a series of kicks one would expect to perform while riding a fast bicycle. As Chrysalis falls to the ground in a heap, Shang Tsung lands on his feet. He then grabs the changeling by the neck, as his green aura starts absorbing the queen's soul.

Chrysalis opens her eyes and barely holds enough energy to knock Shang away with a hoof. Now it's the sorcerer's turn to copy his opponent's shape. Only this time, he has the other one's power in addition to her form. Both changeling's charge up green magical blasts and fire them directly at each other.

Drained along with some of her soul, the original changeling quickly runs out of charge and gets blasted by her look-alike. She's on the floor in a heap again. She appears to try another spell but it has no obvious effect. She slowly looks to her opponent, with fear in her eyes for the first time in this fight.

Shang Tsung returns to his default form before walking towards the queen of changelings.

"FINISH HER!" shouts a random announcer.

Shang then takes the form of a generic clown, before pulling out a pistol. He aims it at Chrysalis before firing a "Bang!" flag and confetti. The changeling queen raises an eyebrow in disbelief. The clown then pulls out a second pistol. The camera pans in on the clown as this pistol fires an actual bullet and gunpowder. Imagination can fill in what happened afterward. The clown then laughs hysterically before taking a bow toward the camera.

"FATALITY!" shouts that announcer.

"K.O!" shouts the Death Battle announcer.

B says, "Well, I guess that's... kind of what I said about killing it with fire."

W reflects, "While both fighters were capable of altering their appearance, only Shang Tsung was able to alter his abilities. Additionally, Chrysalis' magic requires her to absorb true love. Since Shang Tsung is centuries old, he has lost all touch with any true love in his life. Chrysalis' brainwashing spell has no effect on victims without love. This gave Tsung an opening for his more comical fatality."

"Boom! Head shot!"

"The winner is Shang Tsung." A picture of the robed sorcerer is shown with his name underneath.

"Got an idea for a Death Battle? Track and leave a comment below."

"Thanks for watching."

---
A/N: This time I guess I will open this story to suggestions. However, there is a slight chance that it won't happen. By the way, "end spoiler alert".
...
Properties belong to their respective owners. This is a non-profit work. Good day to everyone.

The Terror of Trios

A/N: Well, this ought to be interesting. I wasn't too sure about doing battle royales or team battles. But I guess they were bound to happen eventually. I'm afraid some ideas may be left out since it's been nearly forever since I last watched Nightmare Before Christmas. All right here we go.
...
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Square Enix, and Disney.
---

Woah, nelly! I think the director has finally bitten off more than he can chew. Oh, well. Not my problem. I'm just a figure of his imagination. Take it away, B and W!

Pictures of random children start bombarding the screen.

B opens, "Child labor is a terrible thing, but making them fight each other to the death makes everything better."

W does his own opening, "Today, we're taking two groups of young competitors to see who's teamwork stands superior."

"The Halloween pranksters: Lock, Shock, and Barrel."

"And the Cutie Mark Crusaders: Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

Rub a dub, dub. The screen shows three imps in a tub.

"As part-time assistants to Oogie Boogie," starts W, "You can guarantee that Lock, Shock, and Barrel are up to mischief."

"They take pranking WAY beyond eggs and T.P," comments B.

"The trio can usually be found in Halloween Town, although they have been known to invade Christmas Town where they kidnapped Santa Claus."

"Heh, yeah. It takes really skilled professionals to nab a fat guy." B's sarcasm goes unnoticed, as usual. Various stat screens appear as W keeps talking.

"The devil-costumed Lock is considered the leader of the group despite his lower intelligence. His attack of choice is the pumpkin bomb which can explode upon impact or be delayed for a timed explosion. Melee combat is not his strong-suit."

"The witch-costumed Shock is considered the most intelligent of the group and often complains about her friends' stupidity. But her only real attack is a spinning charge, which any sensible Keyblade wielder can counter just by blocking."

"The skeleton-costumed Barrel is deemed Oogie's 'star pupil', though he tends to be the slowest of the group. His attack is a rolling charge which can trip unguarded enemies, leaving them vulnerable to Lock's pumpkin bombs."

"Speaking of those pumpkin bombs, all three of them are weak against the explosions."

"Should their situation get too dangerous, the trio will quickly run for cover requiring someone else to take care of their dirty work."

"If these three are a company, I don't want to see a crowd."

A clip of Lock, Shock, and Barrel shows them saying, "Trick or Treat!" at Santa's doorstop.

A yellow earth pony filly with a ribbon, a white unicorn filly, and an orange Pegasus filly wearing a helmet all take up the screen after the title card splits.

"Aw, they're so cute," says B, "Wait, I mean where's my gun? I need to shoot something."

"Pledged to find out what their special talents are and figure out who they are, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo form the Cutie Mark Crusaders," says W, "Each has a cape made from golden silk underlinings which symbolize their crusade."

"They were supposed to be a secret organization, but then they go shouting their name wherever they go."

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!" confirms a clip of their audio. Stat screens appear as W begins further details.

"Although they constantly go on various adventures to discover their place in the world, outside observers can easily identify what each is best at. Apple Bloom is a designer and architect. Sweetie Belle's singing is considered the best voice in Equestria. Scootaloo is an avid scooter trick pro and dance step expert."

"But in their group performance, they all chose the wrong tasks. It led to them winning 'best comedy' even though they weren't entered in that category."

"To add insult to injury, Sweetie Belle's magic has yet to surface and Scootaloo's flying strength is mediocre at best.
And although Apple Bloom isn't afraid to speak her mind, she sometimes lies to get out of jams."

"Hey, W!"

"What?"

"DEATH BATTLE DUO ANNOUNCERS!"

"...No."

"Aww."

The last clip before the title card shows the Crusaders together saying, "Whatever we do, we'll do it together as... the CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!" before bumping hooves.

As with any Death Battle, W declares, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B says, "But first, I'm going to collect my dues from Gamefly."

"But B, I already collected them."

"Netflix?"

"Got them."

"Square Space?"

"Yes."

"Campaign against drunk driving?"

"Already got those too."

"Oh... well in that case, it's time for a team Death Battle!"

The background appears to be a fairly open graveyard with a couple dying trees on either side of the screen. A living bathtub walks in from the right carrying the mischief-makers of Halloween Town.

"What's that?" Barrel asks while pointing to the left of the screen. As Lock and Shock take a look, a low buzzing noise is heard as three fillies come in riding on a blue scooter and a red wagon. They come to a braking halt.

"Well," huffs Scootaloo, "if those aren't faces only mothers could love."

"Scootaloo! Don't be mean," criticizes Sweetie Belle.

"FIGHT!"

"Hey, Lock!" Shock calls before whispering something in his ear. The little red devil chuckles before tossing a pumpkin at the fillies.

"Augh!" the two fillies in the wagon scream as they jump out. The Pegasus filly somehow drives her scooter away having detached from the wagon off screen. The pumpkin explodes upon contact with the wagon. The resulting boom sends the wagon flying into the distance.

"What was that for?" yells an angry Apple Bloom.

"Bombs away!" shouts the opposing trio. Lock throws a barrage of delayed pumpkin bombs as well as an instant one that almost catches the unicorn filly by the hind hooves. The Crusaders take cover behind a dead tree as explosions rain all around.

"What do we do now?" asks a worried Sweetie Belle. The farmer pony seems to ponder the question before a mental light bulb flicks on.

"I got it!" Apple Bloom shouts, "Girls! Our comedy routine!"

"Huh?" ask the other two confused fillies. But then it dawns on them. "Oh!"

The imp trio is snickering from the safety of their bathtub. They even take off their masks for two seconds to laugh before putting them back on. The sound of an electronic keyboard interrupts their fits of laughter.

"Where's that music coming from?" asks Lock. The other two don't have an answer. Instead, the answer comes from behind the tree as the orange Pegasus filly appears first. She's followed by her friends.

Look here! Our three little ponies
Ready to sing for this crowd.
Listen up, 'cause here's our story.
I'm going to sing it very LOUD!

Scootaloo's singing voice is so off-key, that the kick*ss electric guitar solo in the background is completely ignored. Lock, Shock, and Barrel cover their ears in agony. Covering his ears throws off Lock's aim as his next pumpkin bomb doesn't come anywhere near the Crusaders. Rather, it explodes upon impact with one of the tree branches. The blast seems to have weakened its hold on the rest of the tree.

"Ergh! Come on, you idiots!" shouts Shock to her allies, "We have to stop that horrible noise." She and Barrel hop out of the tub and charge at the fillies.

They all say that you'll get your mark
When the time is really right
And you know just what you're supposed to do
And your talent comes to light

The awfully bad singing throws off the aims of Shock's spinning charge and Barrel's rolling charge. Scootaloo easily sidesteps out of their way.

But it's not as easy as it sounds
And that waiting's hard to do
So we test our talents everywhere
Until our face is blue.

Meanwhile, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle are both throwing kicks with the few martial arts moves they know. One of their kicks actually connect with the oncoming Shock and Barrel. It knocks them right back to the tub they were in at the start. Lock is slightly dazed at the re-entry of his partners, still holding a delayed reaction pumpkin bomb in his hand.

We are the Cutie Mark Crusaders
On a quest to find out who we are
And we will never stop the journey
Not until we have out cutie marks!

We are the Cutie Mark Crusaders
On a quest to find out who we are
And we will never stop the journey
Not until we have out cutie MARKS!

As Scootaloo shouts the last word of the Crusaders' song, the weakened branch from earlier finally breaks and falls on top of the three little ponies. The trio in the tub laugh evilly.

"Wait," says Barrel, "How long have you been holding that?" All three look at the bomb currently in Lock's hand. It's yellow counter reads "2... 1... 0."

"You idiot," mutters Shock. The pumpkin explodes and all three are sent flying into the distance. There's even a star twinkle as they leave the camera's view.

Meanwhile, the three fillies manage to wiggle themselves out from underneath the fallen branch. Some light brown, sticky stuff is covering them from head to hoof.

"Every pony okay?" asks Apple Bloom.

"Oh, not again," murmurs Scootaloo, taking notice that she and her friends are covered in tree sap.

"Did we get our 'beat the bad kids' cutie marks?" asks Sweetie Belle hopefully. They each look at their respective flanks. Not surprisingly, they're all still blank save for the splotches of tree sap.

"Aww," all three sigh.

"K.O.!"

"Rest in peace headphone users," apologizes B, "Rest in peace." Stats regarding the battle appear onscreen.

"Lock, Shock, and Barrel may have had superior fire power," reflects W, "But their strategy ultimately relies on Lock, who doesn't exactly hold the team's full IQ. As a result, they were unprepared for any form of counterattack. Easily, the Cutie Mark Crusaders caught their opponents off guard with Scootaloo's terrible singing, and the other two's terrible dancing."

"Meh, I guess it beats Rebecca Black's Friday."

"The winners are the Cutie Mark Crusaders." The screen shows picture of the three fillies with bold letters "CMC" underneath.

The usual credits play as the show ends for the day.

---
A/N: Wow, I saw some pretty cool ideas for future Death Battles in the comments. I'll use some of those. But like I said in the story summary's second edit, I have some things that may prevent regularly updating. That being said, thanks for reading, everybody.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit for this. Catch you on the flip side!

Diamonds and Roses...(May not contain an actual battle)

A/N: I'll be frank here, I don't know for sure what I'm going to do with this chapter. Seriously, I have no personal experience forcing pacifist people to fight each other, so it's a miracle I can even do it in writing without feeling hypocritical. *sighs*
Fans of any particular side... forgive me.
...
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Sega.
---

I may have threatened one of the contenders that I would fatally wound Sonic if she didn't compete.

---
A/N: !
---

Don't worry. I didn't mention you.

---
A/N: Ugh...
---

I also may have threatened the other contender to dye her mane a sick green and force her to look at tacky outfits.

---
A/N: What?!
---

Well, she was being all prissy saying, "A lady does not reduce herself to such barbaric measures," and junk like that.

---
A/N: Why didn't you just get some other pony?
---

Hey, it's your show. I'm just the narrator.

---
A/N: But that doesn't mean you have to resort to threats.
---

It's not a threat if you can back it up. I have green mane dye and a tied-up blue hedgehog.

---
A/N: *face palm* NARRATOR!
---

Whoops! Show's starting. Can't talk now. Love you. Bye!

---
A/N: ... -_- ... *sigh* Bastard.
---

We start the show with various shots of "everything nice".

B opens with, "There's always some girl that just has to look her best whether it's for some guy she likes or just for the sake of making herself pretty."

W concurs, "Like Amy Rose from Mobius or Rarity from Ponyville."

"G***d**nit. Not more ponies..."

"He's B and I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

The title card parts to reveal a pink anthro hedgehog wearing a red dress and boots.

"Standing at two-foot-eleven and a weight that no one knows," introduces W, "Amy Rose is the self-appointed girlfriend of Sonic the Hedgehog."

"That girl needs a new hobby instead of ogling the blue blur," comments B. Amy's stats appear on screen as W resumes the talk.

"Her obsession and training over the years has allowed Amy to run speeds just about as fast as Sonic's average, making it difficult for him to lose her. Though, it's possible she's colorblind since she's confused him with Shadow and Silver before."

"While she shares a spin attack and speed dash with Sonic, she can mix things up with her Piko Piko hammer. It's a giant, red and yellow hammer capable of crushing enemies, creating tornadoes, and causing shock waves."

"Amy has also claimed notable victories in Extreme Gear races and Olympic events since 2008 in Beijing."

"Though she's been kidnapped by Dr. Eggman before, she's not the girl you want to trifle with."

A clip of video reveals a focus on Knuckles and Amy.

Knuckles says, "I'll admit you weren't half bad Sonic."

"Half bad?" asks Amy as she shoves Knuckles into a tree, "He was all great!"

The title card opens to reveal a white unicorn pony with a curled, purple mane and a seductive look on her face.

"Ag...uh...mf..." B sounds like he's struggling to speak.

"B, is your nose bleeding?" asks W genuinely concerned.

"No!"

"All... right... anyway, standing at about four feet and a weight no one knows, Rarity represents the Element of Generosity."

We hear sniffing sounds from B as a stat screen appears and W continues talking.

"She works as a fashion designer and shopkeeper in Ponyville. She holds her standards and outward beauty in high regard and dreams of living in Canterlot."

B seems silent today. There's an awkward pause before W just keeps on going.

"As a unicorn, Rarity can perform basic levitation and object manipulation magic. Her unique magic revolves around her ability to apply clothes to a pony with just a flash of light and her ability to find valuable gems wherever they are."

There's still no word from B.

"With her high standards comes Rarity's tendency to get caught up with attention to detail. She cannot stand anything messy, wet, dirty, out-of-place, or impolite. She also has difficulties dealing with familial situations, often upsetting or arguing with her sister Sweetie Belle."

Why doesn't B say anything?

"Although she tends to have the most maturity of her peers, Rarity is far from being a helpless damsel in distress. Using her sophisticated vocabulary and her open-ended complaints, she was able to manipulate a pack of Diamond Dogs and managed to take their entire stash of gems away from them."

"All right. I'm back from the bathroom."

"..."

"What?"

"N-nothing."

A dramatic cut scene complete with blue back lights shows Rarity saying, "As Celestia is my witness, I shall never be sister less again."

Do I even have to tell you? W says, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B shouts, "Time for a Death Battle!"

An open, clean, and white hallway reminiscent of Castle Oblivion marks the stage for this battle. The combatants enter from either side of the screen, though they seem begrudging and resentful. Perfect.

"FIGHT!"

Amy pulls out her trusty Piko Piko Hammer before starting her spin dash. Oddly, Rarity's gem finding spell allows her to dodge the dash as she is dragged toward a diamond in a nearby stone cube that's about her height.

"Wait just a moment!" calls Rarity, "Why are we fighting?"

"Because," answers the pink hedgehog, "that horrible man threatened my Sonic and your good looks."

"What a preposterous yet unfortunate predicament."

"Yeah, I don't know what else to do though."

"I'm not certain but... I might have a plan." They whisper as they exchange some of the most fake punches and kicks in acting history.

"You really think that'll work?" asks Amy.

"We won't know 'til we try," says Rarity.

"All right. Let's do this!" They each race off opposite ends of the screen- wait... that wasn't supposed to happen. What's going on?

"Hey, you jerk! Let's see how you like green mane dye!" What, Amy?! Wait, no! Put that down! AAAAAAAH!

Meanwhile on the opposite side of the stage, Rarity uses her magic to maneuver the bindings of Sonic off of him.

"Thanks," he says, "You're Rainbow Dash's friend, right?"

"That I am," she beams, "You should be able to get out of here now."

"Right! Oh and tell Amy I'll catch up with her later."

"Very well, Sir Sonic."

Sonic runs off as Rarity returns to the scene.

...

Uh, hello?

---
A/N: Oh, hi. What's up?
---

Uh, yes. I was told to meet "the Director" here.

---
A/N: That's me. I take it you're the new narrator.
---

Yeah, so... uh... what is it I'm supposed to do?

---
A/N: Just read your scripted text as it's uploaded to your e-reader. Easy right?
---

All right, sure. *Ahem*.

Meanwhile, on the other set, Rarity and Amy are doing a team effort to make "the jerk" look as ridiculous yet as fabulous as possible. It's quite amusing, really. I guess you just have to be there.

"Quite amazing what one can do with just a rope and some green dye," comments the fashioner pony.

"Yeah, I had a lot of fun today," agrees Amy.

"The jerk" is currently gagged and unable to input his opinion.

"It was a pleasure working with you, Ms. Rarity."

"Likewise." They bump hoof-to-fist.

"FRIENDSHIP!"

"Friendship?" questions a random announcer voice, "Again?"

B seems in a better mood, "Ah ha ha. HA HA ha ha ha!"

W is intrigued, "Wow, I had no idea they could get so creative with just one color."

"Ha ha ha. Oh-ho, my ribs. Ah ha ha ha."

"This Death Battle is a draw." Pictures of Amy Rose and Rarity appear onscreen with the bold word "DRAW" underneath.

"Next time on Death Battle..." announces B.

The screen becomes black as bold phrases pass.

You're making me angry.

...

You won't like me...

...when I'm angry.

...

...

"I'm a princess. Are you a princess too?" Augh! Where did that voice come from? *bang*

---

"Special thanks to the various actors who offered their voice talents for Amy and Rarity."

"Thanks for watching."

---
A/N: I'm not sure when I decided to make this a 'joke' chapter. It just sort of started flowing out as I continued typing.
Maybe in the future, I'll do an actual battle between Amy and Rarity.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit for this. Yada yada, etc. etc.

P.S. Why don't I change the story's status from "Complete" to "Incompleted"? Well, it was initially a one-shot. Then I got inspiration for another episode. Then another. Eventually I just started writing more without pause. Technically, you could read the first chapter and get all your dose of random story-reading for the day. Frankly, I'm not entirely sure when I'm stopping. But when I do... at least it won't end on a cliff hanger.

Alpha vs. Gamma

A/N: Well, it's time to pit what I know vs. what I sort of know. See if you can tell the difference. Scratch that, we all know what I only sort of know. *cough* I didn't read the comics. *cough*
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Marvel.
---

So, this is the narrator's chair. Huh. I think I might like this job.

Various power houses be they physical or authoritative take the screen.

B declares, "It's time to answer the age-old question: can any man defeat God?"

W opens, "Bruce Banner the Hulk will face the formidable but compassionate Princess Celestia."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

A picture of a man in a lab coat appears briefly on screen before being replaced by a green-skinned muscular figure.

"After an accident with an explosion of gamma radiation, Dr. Bruce Banner became the unwilling superhuman known as the Incredible Hulk," introduces W.

"Holy crap!" exclaims B, "I didn't know gamma rays worked like steroids." Various screens filled with facts and figures appear on the right side of the screen as W continues talking.

"The Hulk's transformation is literally triggered by emotion. When his rage or fear has broken stretchable limits, he gains size, strength, and his green hue. The mutation boosts not only his strength but also his speed, stamina, durability, and leaping ability."

"He's a freaking beast!"

"He also has immunity to diseases, viruses, and mind control. His fast regenerative healing factor helps him withstand several missile blasts and gun power."

"If only the U.S. armed forces would stop wasting funds trying to kill this guy."

"Out of the guise of the Hulk, Dr. Banner has developed expertise in biology, chemistry, physiology, engineering, and a Ph.D. in nuclear physics. His self-labeled "Bannertech" rivals the technological developments from Tony Stark and Doctor Doom."

"Brains and brawn, hell yeah!"

The screen shows the Hulk shouting, "Now Hulk will smash other Illuminati," as he lifts a strip of earth and flings it off screen.

A beautiful, majestic, all-powerful, all-knowing, regal, glorious, fantastic, royal, stupendous, magnificent, benevolent,...

---
A/N: Psst. You're laying on the adjectives just a tad thick.
---

Oh, gosh sorry. I meant to say a tall, off-white alicorn pony wearing a golden tiara takes the screen. Well, she doesn't literally take it but... oh, you know what I mean.

"Princess Celestia acts as the primary monarch of Equestria," introduces W, "She holds the power to raise and lower the sun each day. Should her sister Luna become indisposed, she can also move the moon in a similar fashion."

"She's not hot pink like her doll counterpart," points out B, "...not that... I would know." Stats appear as W continues the discussion.

"As an alicorn pony, she has enhanced strength, flight, and magic capabilities. Her versatility in magic includes teleportation, levitation, celestial body movement, vocal enhancement, enchantment reversal, and beams of magic."

"It seems everybody in Equestria and other regions thinks that Celestia is a fearful, cruel, and unforgiving tyrant. But she's proven that false time and time again."

"She's acquitted cases as severe as theft, child stalking, and disturbing the peace on many occasions. She enjoys a good prank every once in a while and tries to let her subjects act casually despite her being royalty."

"Maybe they're still worried about that whole 'you banished your own sister to the moon' thing."

"True, Celestia did banish her dark and possessed sister into the moon for a thousand years, but that was only possible through the use of the Elements of Harmony. She no longer has a connection to the physical Elements and cannot use their power directly."

"Which is why she called in six crazy ponies to do her work for her."

"While Celestia is considered a goddess by many, she is not invincible. Should an outsider gather enough magical energy, she can easily be overcome by the resulting duel."

"A spawn of hell overcomes god? Now where have I heard that before?" A flashback to the comic of Spawn beating up a nanny god fills the screen before B says, "Nope, I can't remember."

"She also acts as a personal mentor for Twilight Sparkle."

"Mentor of what? How to be a trolling molester?"

"B! That's not true!"

"I'm clever!"

A scene depicting Celestia in a motherly kind of frame shows her saying, "You are a wonderful student. I don't have to get a letter every week to know that."

W concludes, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B interrupts, "Hold up, W. I got to go buy me some gamma-radiated steroids."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Screw Attack!"

A screen shot of screwattack.com appears on screen.

"At Screw Attack's website, you can find all of the previous episodes of Death Battle plus lots of other great video game content."

"And you can get extra goodies for signing up for the low-cost advantage program. In Death Battle's case, gag reels and early access to new episodes will be available."

"What are you waiting for? An invitation? Oh, that's right. It's time for a Death Battle!"

A rather cartoonish, green hill zone marks the premise of this episode's battle. A massive green giant slams the ground from above causing small fault lines to be seen. The Hulk growls in anger and rage. From the right side of the screen, we see the alicorn combatant slowly flying in. She makes a more graceful landing and has a sad smile on her face.

"FIGHT!"

"Forgive me," whispers Celestia as she fires a yellow beam of magical light against her opponent. While it does connect, it doesn't seem to be doing any damage. In fact, the only result is a slightly more angry man. This leads to another growl of anger.

"RAAAARGH!" yells the Hulk. He lifts a patch of earth and smashes it down to cause a sort of rock wave. Before the wave comes anywhere near her, Celestia manages to fly out of the way with a few flaps from her wings. The princess then proceeds to use her magic to levitate some of the unearthed boulders. These rocks are sent flying toward the enemy.

A few of his powerful punches quickly transform the boulders into dust and rubble. Celestia alters her magical grab and aims it towards the sun. Fires start raining from the sky as miniature solar flares. They start rocketing towards the Hulk. Although they appear to force him back a few feet, he doesn't seem to be any worse for wear, aside from an increasing temper.

The Hulk decides to jump to the Princess's height for some closer combat. However, somewhere along the way, Celestia manages to grab him in a telekinetic hold, stopping him from rising any higher. She looks like she is straining and beads of sweat are dripping from her head. She can't do much with her levitating hold and ends up just letting the Hulk fall to the ground from gravity. The impact from the fall does not have any visible effect on him.

Celestia is looking more fatigued than ever and her position in the air starts to descend. Hulk tries another jump at her. This time he catches the alicorn off guard in his grip. As they both fall to the ground, he positions her in a way that she gets slammed into the grass.

"Pony try to hurt Hulk! Hulk smash pony!" yells the green giant. He then lets loose a few punches on the Princess lying on the ground. A few X-ray shots reveal that some bones that should not be breaking are getting broken. From the third punch onwards, she's coughing up blood.

It's now or never. Just as Hulk raises both of his fists for a finishing blow, Celestia disappears in a glow of golden light. She had no chance of victory left.

Despite his apparent victory, the Hulk decides to lift another patch of earth in rage. This rock wave flips the camera man flat on his back. We're left with a screen shot of the open, blue sky.

"K.O.!"

"Where is your god?!" shouts B in a mocking, rhetorical fashion. A stat screen regarding the events of the battle appears while W takes the floor, I mean starts speaking.

"The magic that Celestia is capable of is quite awe-inspiring. But her lack of violent tendencies gave her a disadvantage against an enemy that wanted nothing but destruction. Remember, she's not invincible and although her attacks may have actually caused some damage to the Hulk, his fast-regenerating factor made nearly all of that damage moot."

"This battle lasted almost 2 minutes. Darn. Now I owe somebody $5 on a bet."

"The winner is the Hulk." A picture of the large green mutant appears on screen with his name underneath.

Credits play with the usual closing theme for Death Battle episodes.

"Thanks for watching."

---
A/N: Honestly, I was trying to think of a way that Celestia could win but... I couldn't really think of anything at her disposal that wouldn't also destroy herself. (Be it a sun impact or a moon impact with Earth and that wasn't going to happen.)
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit for this. Feel free to leave ideas even though I might not do all of them.
Later days.

I don't think this is a good idea...(this chapter may get deleted in the future)

A/N: Warning! The following chapter may be OOC. It is not meant to be read by people with heart failures, women that are pregnant, or may become pregnant. Viewer discretion is advised.
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Shigesato Itoi.
---

So, who's fighting in today's episode?

---
A/N: Well, I know for a fact the draconequus is coming back to life.
---

Oh...

---
A/N: And he's going to be fighting an...entity that supposedly attacks with... evil?
---

...what.

---
A/N: Yeah, I don't get it either.
---

Various evil masterminds and insane characters cross the screen.

W opens, "Today, the master of Chaos will fight the master of Evil."

B is enthusiastic, "All right! Finally, I get to watch the devil fight with Kefka."

"What? No, it's going to be Discord vs. Giygas from Mother."

"Who from what?"

"He's B and I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

I loathe this chimera. I really do.

---
A/N: You and me both, narrator.
---

"Day-um, you ugly!" kids B.

"We've briefly covered Discord's abilities in his last battle," says W, "But now it's time to review. He ruled over Equestria in unrest and unhappiness using nothing but the Chaos in his claws."

"Basically, whatever he wants to happen can happen."

"The only weapons known to at least quarantine Discord are the Elements of Harmony, which require all the ponies connected to them in order to be used."

"This draconequus can mess with physics, depth, rules,... hell everything."

"Game's over, my little ponies," declares Discord in his cut scene.

Sweet mother of sanity! What is that thing?

"What am I looking at?" asks B.

"Giygas is considered the master of evil and can slowly deplete his enemy's health simply by looking at them and typing evil text messages," says W.

"It looks like a... a... fetus."

"And that's about all that Wikipedia knows about him too, besides the fact that he was designed in the image of a rape scene."

"Is this even a Death Battle episode?"

"It hurts, Ness..." reads a message from a quick visual of the... starman? Is that really what it says he is?

---
A/N: I'm afraid so.
---

But... that's a power up that Mario uses in his games all the time.

---
A/N: I know.
---

...ew.

W announces, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B holds his peace.

"No ads this time?"

"Not this time W. It's time for a Death Battle!"

It appears that Discord is in some weird factory plant of sorts.

Discord sighs, "Can't that hedgehog take a joke?" Like anyone could really take Discord's humor seriously.

"Hey! I heard that!"

What? Ugh, never mind. The scene rapidly changes as fast as Discord's imagination, actually faster.

"What's going on?" he demands. The screen goes black before a red face in the middle of a red oval shape appears.

"And just who are you supposed to be?" asks the chimera. The ovary refuses to answer.

"FIGHT!"

The red fetus known as Giygas gazes at Discord. A random number "999" to the right of a random "HP" starts dropping one increment every half second.

"What's this?" questions the draconequus. He snaps his eagle claws and the "MP" is replaced with the "HP". Now the number starts dropping from "9999". This time it drops 500 every third of a second.

"What is going on? I'm the only one that's not allowed to make sense."

Immediately, the "HP gauge" drops to "0" and Discord is lying unconscious. The director presses the "Abort" button.

---
A/N: *Presses Abort!*
---

Giygas immediately drops dead.

Wait... how can you have instant death traps in your control room?

---
A/N: Because I'm not letting my story's universe get destroyed by something that hasn't even been born yet.
---

...Well, if you say so.

"Double K.O.!"

B looks confused, "What the hell just happened?"

W looks just as confused, "I have no idea."

The stat screen is also confused about the events that just transpired.

"The winner is..."

"No one."

"So, I guess it's a draw." Pictures of either contestant are on screen with the bold word "DRAW" underneath.

---
A/N: Seriously, what the heck does a Giygas' attack even look like? I don't get it.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit. This chapter may as well get deleted in the near future.

Strength and Discipline

A/N: WARNING: This chapter may not be as serious as some of my more serious chapters. If you wish to avoid an embarrassing read, I'd suggest looking away now to avoid discomfort.
I'm serious. The non-canon of this chapter could potentially cause motion sickness.
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Lemon Demon, and other outside parties.
(Eh, I just wanted an excuse to use all of the main six characters in this particular work of fan fiction.)
---

Is this for real? Is she really going to fight... him?

Symbols of trust and honor are shown on the screen, one after the other.

B opens up, "I don't think anyone saw this one coming. Unless of course they saw our preview (which we never made), in which case, congratulations! You're ahead of the pack."

W reads, "Today, our two challengers come from backgrounds worthy of pride, honor, and genuine bragging rights."

"Applejack of the G4 earth ponies will face off against one of my personal favorite competitors: Chuck Norris!"

"He's B and I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

The title screen parts and reveals an image of an orange earth pony with a blonde mane and a stetson hat.

"We're still putting ponies in these fights?" asks B, "They haven't been doing so well in performance recently." Indeed, the fights regarding Princess Celestia and Twilight Sparkle did not end in their favor.

B is completely ignored by W who says, "Applejack is a proud member of the Apple family in charge of much of the labor and business of Sweet Apple Acres. She represents the Element of Honesty and always appreciates the fruits of hard work."

"Heh heh," mutters B, "He said hard." Stats appear on screen as W continues.

"As an earth pony, she's naturally strong physically. She can dislodge an entire tree of its apples simply by bucking it."

"Ha ha ha ha ha!" Geez, does he act this immature normally?

---
A/N: I'm afraid so. Just roll with it.
---

O... kay. Anyway, W continues, "Applejack has strong roots in country living. She always prefers getting down and dirty when tackling problems rather than trying to maintain outside appearances."

"Ha ha ha, 'down and dirty'? Ha ha ha ha!"

"She is also considered one of Ponyville's best athletes. She won five of the Iron Pony Competition's events without breaking a sweat. It forced Rainbow Dash into a cheating corner for the rest of the competition."

"Pfft, heh heh heh. Sorry, I've got the giggles."

"Her other skills include animal herding, pastry baking, and helping other ponies in need. Often considered the most dependable pony, she even received an award for being the most loyal pony for steering a stampede of cattle away from the town."

"Wait, what?"

"Sometimes her pride gets the better of her and she'll resort to lying to herself and others to avoid painful mistakes."

"Meh, no one's perfect."

"Her arsenal consists of a lasso, apples, apple juice, and a single apple pie in her apple designed saddle bag."

"Wait, those are weapons?"

"She's capable of tossing an entire hay bale several feet using just the muscles from her jaw and neck."

"Are these the jaws of life?"

A cut scene shows Applejack telling her brother, "Don't you use your fancy mathematics to muddle the issue."

A picture of a Caucasian man with a full face-beard and a look of authority appears after the title card separates.

"Introducing," announces B, "The man that monsters look under their bed for, the one that vampires hide their necks from, the man who werewolves fear will bite them. It's Chuck *eff*ing Norris!"

A stat screen appears as W offers backstory, "Also known as Carlos Ray Norris, Chuck is an actor and an American martial artist. He has founded Chun Kuk Do, a school of martial arts combining the Korean style of Tang Soo Do with elements from several other combat styles. It has a code of honor that aims for greater achievements and tries to help others succeed."

"This guy gives Bruce Lee a run for his money."

"He has earned a brown belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and has carried the title of Walker, the Texas Ranger."

"He's so freaking powerful, that Indiana Jones and Batman didn't stand a chance. It takes the combined efforts of Gandalf the Gray, Gandalf the White, the black knight, Benito Mussolini, the Blue Meanie, Cowboy Curtis, Jambie the genie, Robocop, Terminator, Captain Kirk, Darth Vader, Lo-pan, Superman, the Power Rangers, Bill S. Preston, Theodore Logan, Spock, the Rock, Dr. Octopus, and Hulk Hogan to kick his *ss. The only one surviving after that mess is Mr. Rogers all covered in blood. Whew."

"And Chuck is politically conservative."

"Who needs liberal words when their fists and feet can do all the talking they'll ever need?"

Chuck Norris flatly states to the camera, "Violence is my last option."

W declares, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B shouts, "Kick her butt, Chuck!"

"What?"

"I mean... let's get ready for a Death Battle!"

The title screen parts and we see a rather large field of apple trees. These aren't quite as cartoonish as those of Sweet Apple Acres, but they're not exactly 3D either. The skies are partly cloudy today.

The camera pans around and we find Applejack and Chuck Norris all ready to go. She paws the ground with her front right hoof while he calmly holds his fists in front of him. There won't be any signs of cheap tricks here.

"FIGHT!"

Applejack makes the first charge. Chuck leaps out of the way and Applejack's kick instead goes into the tree. Several apples are dislocated and fall to the grass below.

Chuck's martial arts training is apparent in the pattern of punches and kicks he throws at the orange pony. She recoils slightly but then charges back in with a few headbutts and whips from her tail. Now they seem to be evenly matched, though perhaps Norris is simply shadowboxing while Applejack warms up.

In any case, neither fighter is showing any lasting pain or decisive edge.

...

They're still going at it. It's more fun watching then it is describing.

---
A/N: Narrator! Focus!
---

Right, right, sorry. Oh! It looks like Chuck is the first to break away from the exchange of punches. He somehow jumps all the way to the top of one of the trees. Applejack, being a straightforward quick problem-solver, runs up to that particular tree and bucks it. Before the apples have a chance to fall, Chuck jumps to the next tree over. The farmer pony proceeds to charge and buck that tree. Chuck jumps again. This keeps happening a few times over.

Finally, it seems Chuck has had enough tree-hopping and jumps down back to the ground a few feet away from where Applejack bucked last. She also changes her strategy and pulls out her trusty lasso. After swinging it around a few times, she tosses it at the man. For a second, he appears to be ensnared, only to snap free of it with his sheer manliness.

Applejack pulls out a couple of her apples and kicks them at Norris. He easily turns them to mush with his roundhouse kick. The farmer pony takes this time to pull out one of her juice bottles and takes a swig. She spits the empty bottle to her right, then charges at the man again.

They both take a running leap at each other. The slow motion camera decides to take effect here and it seems like they're suspended in the air. As they collide, the camera resumes normal speed.

A dust cloud forms around the combatants as sounds of hits and kicks are still audible. This takes place for a few seconds. As the dust clears, a faint outline shows the winner standing with one foot on the opponent lying on his back.

An off-screen referee counts, "1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10!" An off-screen bell rings.

"K.O.!"

"What?" asks a shocked B, "NOOOOO!"

"Chuck Norris had a clear advantage early on," reflects W, "He even seemed to be toying with Applejack when she started giving it her all in hand-to-hoof combat. He has a very patient attitude where Applejack was in a hurry to finish the job. However, remember that Applejack's neck alone can produce the Newtons per meter necessary to lift and toss a hay bale that can be as heavy as 130 pounds. She wasn't going to be fragile in this fight, even when facing the greatest man to ever live."

"Somebody just shoot me now."

"The winner is Applejack." A closing picture of Applejack appears with her name boldly written underneath her.

The credits roll as our hosts thank the audience for watching.

---
A/N: I can be fairly certain that at least one comment directed toward this chapter will be negative despite my warning in the first author's note in this chapter. Oh, well. I'll live.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. Applejack is best pony. FLAME SHIELDS UP!
---

...

The sky holds a blue, dusky aura. A campfire is crackling. An empty pie plate rests a few feet away from it. Two shadow-outlined figures are resting on log seats on opposite sides of the fire.

"Why'd you let me win?" asks the shorter figure.

"Two reasons," replies the taller figure, "One, I believe that people should all feel worthwhile. Two, I believe that the success of others is just as important as my own."

"Hm," hummed the first figure. It let a smile across its face.

"Well then, thank you," it says.

"You're welcome," says the taller figure as it slowly gets up and walks away.

---

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I was reminded of a lesson that needed a little reviewing.
See, winning isn't everything, even to a guy or girl that's capable of doing so all the time.
It's important to stick your neck out there for others and help them realize that their worth
is just as important in the world as your own.

Signed,
Your loyal subject
Applejack

P.S. I'll be sending you a piece of apple cake to enjoy while you recover from your injuries.

---

Magic Must Defeat Magic

A/N: Well, I had been thinking something along the lines of this chapter's match up anyway. Since someone suggested it, I thought I might as well implement the idea.
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack and Warner Bros.
---

I call magical duel!

Various magicians, wizards, witches, and sorcerers flash by the screen.

W declares, "Magic, the unusual power of the imagined world. It leaves itself as the answer to many unexplained phenomena."

B announces, "And for this battle, we're taking two of them from the loser's circle."

"Harry Potter the wizard of Hogwarts will face off against Twilight Sparkle of the School for Gifted Unicorns."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

The title screen parts to reveal a young-faced wizard with glasses and a visible scar on his forehead in the shape of a lightning bolt.

"As we described in his battle with Luke Skywalker," starts W, "Harry Potter is an orphaned wizard who was taken into custody by his aunt and uncle until he was old enough to train under Professor Dumbledore in the ways of magic."

"But for those of you that missed his death by shoto-saber," says B, "let's do a recap." Stats appear as W takes the floor.

"Harry wields an 11 inch Phoenix core Holly wand allowing him to cast most of his spells. He also carries an invisibility cloak and rides Firebolt, a wizard's broomstick capable of reaching speeds of 150 miles per hour in less than 10 seconds."

"His trademark attack is the disarming charm Expellerdactyl."

"Expelliarmus."

"Which knocks an enemy's weapon away or sends the enemy flying."

"The Confundo charm confuses the target, Stupefy stuns them, Rictusempra tickles the opponent, Protego protects against enemy attacks, and Accio summons whatever object he has in mind."

"I still can't get that one to work."

"Harry is also proficient in curses. He can cause pain with Crucio, destroy objects with Reducto, control minds with Imperio, and slash enemies with Sectumsempra."

"Acquired through a book owned by the Half-Blood Prince."

"It is implied that he knows the instant death curse Avada Kedavra, though it can be blocked with just about anything. Also, Harry can teleport with apparition and he's pretty handy with non-verbal spells. His occlumency training helps protect him from mental attacks and illusions."

"And don't forget his young age accomplishments, including all that wasting of Death Eater *ss."

A scene in Professor Lupin's office shows Harry casting, "Expecto Patronum!" for the first time.

The picture behind the title card is an image of a familiar lavender unicorn pony sitting and reading.

W begins, "We briefly talked about Twilight Sparkle in her last Death Battle, but there's plenty more to discuss."

B interrupts, "Yeah, this a complicated case. Braniacs usually are, like W here."

"I'm going to pretend I didn't here that," W mutters as a stat screen appears, "Twilight Sparkle was raised in Canterlot by her parents until she began her studies under Princess Celestia in the ways of advanced magic. She has mastered teleportation, object conjuration, levitation, illumination, magic shields, and wind manipulation. It is also worth noting that she can copy spells cast by others after studying them intently the first time she sees them."

"Like when she copied Rarity's gem-finding spell."

"One of Twilight's few offensive capabilities is her magenta magic bolt which can be charged for a long-lasting beam or be fired rapidly in short bursts."

"It's good for destroying rocks and knocking enemies back."

"When she combines the Element of Magic with the other 5 Elements of Harmony, she can free ponies from their darkness or turn chaotic entities to stone. But she cannot do so alone."

"And in one-on-one Death Battles, we don't allow help from friends."

"She's managed to overcome several daunting tasks for pony kind and keeps her life on a relatively scheduled pace."

"Though, for some reason the memory of magic kindergarten still frightens her."

"Even so, she'll never give up the opportunity to learn about friendship."

A scene shows Twilight shouting, "PINKIE!" before she falls onto the ground on her back.

W declares, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B adds, "And to make things more interesting, I've let loose a few monsters from the two worlds."

"What?"

"Death Battle!"

The scene changes to a dark-wooded area. Both combatants are walking in from either side of the screen. Twilight currently has her horn lit up while Harry has his wand lit up with Lumos. As with most Death Battles, combatants will have their initial reasoning removed and first attacks will happen without question.

"FIGHT!"

"Rictusempra!" yells Harry. The sort of purple spell hits the unicorn and she falls over laughing.

"Stupefy!" Harry calls out. The transparent bolt hits Twilight and she gets slammed into a tree, no longer laughing. Rather, she grunts in pain. Shaking off her dumbfounded state, she charges her horn and releases a few magenta magic bolts. Harry counters with a quick Protego and a volley of non-verbal spells.

A low howl interrupts their magical duel. The combatants each turn their heads toward where the sound is coming from. It appears the commotion has attracted a pack of wolves made from twigs and lumber. These are the timber wolves. They growl at the sight of two sources of prey. Without warning, they start leaping toward Harry and Twilight.

"Incendio!" yells the boy wizard. The wolf closest to him catches on fire and starts to break apart. The only signs of a corpse are burning timber. Losing interest in the boy who made fire, the rest of the pack starts charging toward the unicorn. She manages to hold them off with a pink magical bubble surrounding herself. Though, it's going to be impossible for her to hold that concentration indefinitely.

A barrage of Incendio spells makes quick work of the remaining wolves. It seems Harry is more interested in removing this new threat rather than his original target. As the last timber wolf burns to ashes, Twilight notices and lets go of her shield. It disappears as she smiles graciously at the guy who just saved her.

Before any touchy moments can take place, a new moaning sound fills the air. Several ghost-like figures glide down through the woods and form frost on the trees that they pass. It seems Dementors have been attracted to the battle as well. As one of them passes Harry, it starts to breathe in emotional essence from him.

The scream of his dying mother fills his ears.

As Harry struggles to maintain his grip on the present, other Dementors start hovering by Twilight. They start breathing and absorbing her positive emotions too, leaving her to relive miserable moments of her life.

"With friends like you, who needs... enemies?"

She's taking it worse than Harry, as her training with mental defense isn't as perfected. Harry, however, manages to stand tall and recalls a happier moment.

He talks with his parents... about everything and nothing. It's more of a fantasy, but he's happy nonetheless.

"Expecto Patronum!" he yells as a curtain of white magic starts deflecting Dementors away from him. He uses his Apparition technique to temporarily leave existence. He reappears beside Twilight. He casts his Patronus charm again. Unfortunately, it seems that there are at least a hundred more Dementors still hungry for soul energy.

Meanwhile, Twilight's silently been observing Harry's use of white magic. With a nod of new determination, she starts concentrating magic of a different variety than her usual blasts. Her thoughts recall a moment of joy.

"What's going on?" asks Rainbow Dash, "Did we stop Discord? What happened to Ponyville?" Twilight and her friends all join together for a group hug assuring Rainbow that they're all okay.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. At least that seems to be the mutual feeling between wizard and unicorn right now. Armed with a new spell, Twilight joins her force with Harry's.

"Expecto Patronum!" they yell simultaneously. A pale white stag appears in front of Harry and a pale white phoenix appears in front of Twilight. Both luminescent figures then disappear before a rather wide curtain of white magic flashes across the screen blasting away Dementors in a Team Rocket fashion complete with stars twinkling in the distant sky.

Both combatants breathe heavily and collapse from exhaustion. Safe for the moment, they lay down to rest.

"FRIENDSHIP!"

"Friendship? Again?"

"Dang," says B, "That was intense magic."

"While Harry was able to catch Twilight off guard with an initiative attack," reflects W, "she wasn't to be taken lightly. She even mastered the Patronus charm on her first attempt. However, their alliance against a double threat by the foreign prevented any chance of there being a victor."

"You're welcome."

"This Death Battle is a draw." A picture of both challengers appears with the bold word "DRAW" underneath.

"Next time on Death Battle..." announces B.

Words appear on the screen without a voice source.

...

We hunt for gems.

...

...but now we hunt...

...for you!

...

"Is that an 'any' key? It's an 'any' key. Holy crap."

---
A/N: Was there ever any doubt? I don't want to kill either of them. At least not yet.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. So long.

You're Dead, Miner!

A/N: Okay, so I wasn't really sure how to include three gunmen without sounding tedious. It's a "man vs. the world" kind of battle. Get ready for the onslaught.
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and THQ.
---

Man, I'm not sure which side I should feel more sorry for.

The screen shows various snap shots of fighters with odds stacked against them, as if they were taking on the world.

B shouts, "Woo-hoo! I've been waiting for another gun fight since forever."

W states, "This time we're taking a lone soldier of space and putting him to the test against an army of Equestria's least favorite antagonists. Parker the surviving miner of the Red Faction will face the entire pack of Diamond Dogs."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

The screen parts to reveal a rather frustrated man in a red space suit.

"Taking any chance to avoid being forced to attend Harvard by his parents," starts W, "Parker found the closest Ultor Corporation office and flew to Mars to join the mining colony."

"College versus mining," comments B, "Easy choice, right?"

"But not all was as it seemed and Parker quickly found himself caught in the middle of a Red Faction rebellion. With the guidance of a technician named Hendrix, Parker took up arms and fought against Ultor military and monsters created by Dr. Capek's nano-technology. After Hendrix died, Parker confronted the mercenary leader Masako and disarmed a bomb before Earth's Defense Force finally arrived."

"Still beats college life marginally."

"Parker wears the envirosuit, a suit specifically designed to protect against Mars' harsh climates. It allows Parker to breathe in space and under water, resist cold temperatures, and take more bullet damage than normal armor."

"He carries a large arsenal of weapons. Some of which include a USP-16 pistol, a UBS-4 riot shield, a UCB-24 control baton, a UAP 32/20 sub machine gun, a UAS-18 shotgun, a UAR-42 assault rifle, a UFT-1 flame thrower, a UHG-90 hand grenade, a URC-15 remote charge, a URL-6T rocket launcher, a JF60 heavy suppression machine gun, an MK-SG-1 precision rifle, a USG-50 sniper rifle, an FCA-26 rail driver, and an F-1TL fusion rocket launcher. He can surprisingly carry all of his weapons at once."

"Parker isn't too shabby with driving various vehicles on Mars. He can drive jeeps, submarines, helicopters, and fighter aircraft."

"He was Gordon Freeman before Half-Life was cool."

A cut scene reveals Parker complaining, "I haven't had a moment to myself since I got here."

A picture of 3 rather ugly designed canines takes the screen.

"Diamond Dogs was a concept album design by David Bowie in 1974," says B.

"Actually, B," corrects W, "We're talking about the Diamond Dogs from the Equestrian underground mines."

"What?"

"Led by Spot, Rover, and Fido, the Diamond Dogs find a fancy in searching their system of underground mines for precious gems and jewels. Aside from the leaders who wear no protection save for diamond-studded collars and red vests, each of the diamond dogs wears metal armor and carries a metal lance."

"Yeah, there's not much else to say in the ways of attack, unless you include that their claws can dig through all kinds of rock regardless of hardness level."

"The Diamond Dogs also seem to have access to rusty harnesses, mining carts, and rope. The leader Rover carries a dog whistle that he can use to summon the lesser Diamond Dogs."

"Seriously, these guys are enemies?"

"While they were successful at kidnapping Rarity and blocking their access tunnels in mere seconds, their weakness lied in their sensitive hearing. A combination of complaints and whining left them helpless against Rarity's specific needs and desires causing them to lose nearly all of their hoard."

"So remember: to beat mutant dogs, you must cry like a b***h."

The last scene before the title card shows Rover asking, "Smell?" before Rarity says, "Ah, mystery solved. It's your breath."

W concludes, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B declares, "It's time for a massacre Death Battle!"

The setting for this battle is a very large underground cave that seems to be made from mostly red rock. It's surprisingly well-lit. A man in a red envirosuit walks in from the right as the camera pans left to see three anthro canines wearing red vests and diamond studded collars.

"FIGHT!"

"You are one ugly son of a b***h!" declares the miner. He's deliberately vague about the dog to which he's referring.

"Unleash the hounds!" yells Rover as he pulls out a dog whistle and blows. Various barks and howls are heard as hundreds of armored dogs run in from several passageways.

"So many guns, I'm not sure which one to kill you with," ponders Parker, "Oh, I'll use this one." He pulls out his assault rifle. He lets out a barrage of gunshots. Conveniently, they all hit the unarmored skin of the Diamond dog underlings. Wow, look at that blood flying. I didn't think dogs had that much blood.

The Red miner takes a moment to reload and switch out for his sub machine gun. More bullets fly and more Diamond Dogs come in through the various tunnels. Dang, this is really an unfair battle. It's like the dogs are all running to the slaughter house. Just look at that blood painting the floor in more red than the rock was already. He switches out for his flamethrower as some of the dogs suddenly develop common sense and start running away into the maze.

"Oh, what a pussy," comments Parker, "Stop running away." He chases after one of the larger groups and burns some of them to a crisp while taking out a few others with his rail gun.

"What nerve," he says, "they had me outnumbered." He keeps wandering the labyrinth of tunnels. Every time a group of Diamond Dogs comes out of hiding, he sicks them with his machine gun bullets. For single dogs that come around tight corners, he relies on shotgun pellets.

"This place is like a labyrinth," notes Parker, "only there's no David Bowie in the center." Some of the dogs start running toward more specific areas of the tunnel maze. Parker tosses a few remote charges and hand grenades that blow them to ugly pieces of armor and dog meat.

"Dogs, zero. Parker, oh... about a hundred by now," he tallies. One of the dogs braves throwing a lance, but Parker manages to deflect it with his UBS-4 riot shield. He uses a sniper round on that particular dog. His trek takes him to the center of the maze where the last remaining 3 Diamond Dogs remain.

With nary a thought, he pulls out his rocket launcher. The huddled dog leaders are an easy target for the blast. The rocket leaves a bit of a smoky trail before impact. The floor is covered with debris and blood after the explosion. Parker takes out his pistol and then looks around disappointed. It seems there aren't any more enemies to shoot.

"Aw, why'd you have to go and die?" he complains, "Now who am I going show up with my pistol skills?"

"K.O.!"

"Dang," says B, "I don't think we've ever made such a lop-sided Death Battle before."

"The Diamond Dogs' inferior battle experience made them sitting ducks for the life experience that Parker had. His versatile weaponry easily destroyed every one of the dogs in that maze. Despite the fact that the Diamond Dogs had experience living underground, Parker had that knowledge and then some."

"P.E.T.A.'s going to sue."

"The winner is Parker." His picture shows up on screen with his name underneath.

"Special thanks to emperorpsymon for providing the voice of Parker."

"Thanks for watching."

---
A/N: Go watch Parker's Mind by emperorpsymon on Youtube. It's freaking hilarious.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit for this. That enough bloodshed for you? Because there's more on the way.

Ego vs. Electro

A/N: I may regret doing this. I felt kind of guilty making a character overpowered in a previous chapter (Talk the Talk), but is this really redemption? Or is this the compilation of sick thoughts that exist in my subconscious mind? I don't know anymore.
...
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Square Enix.
---

I'm going to say this right now: overkill. That is all.

Today's introductory pictures consist of the people and characters who believe without any doubt that they are the best and that everyone else is inferior.

W states, "Today, we're pitting together minds that believe that they are without equal."

B declares, "Larxene the Savage Nymph will take on past Death Battle champion, Trixie Lulamoon."

"He's B and I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

The screen parts to reveal a tall blonde with green eyes and a black cloak. Her smile is devious.

"As the only female member of Organization XIII," begins W, "Larxene is rather vicious and cold blooded."

"Kind of different from your typical dumb blonde," comments B. Various facts and figures appear on the right-hand side of the screen as W continues talking.

"Larxene is capable of manipulating lightning in a variety of quick and painful strikes. It's accentuated by her use of electric throwing knives called Foudre. They resemble kunai, a multipurpose weapon commonly used by ninjas."

"Her pattern of attack consists of a barrage of quick jabs, kicks, and teleports, which can sometimes yield the illusion of clones all striking at once."

"This clone attack isn't without weaknesses. If an enemy is fast enough to throw her clone at the original, Larxene will temporarily be stunned and vulnerable to more damage."

"Talk about pulling yourself together."

"She has a sharp tongue and is quick to spite others including her fellow Organization members. Often she talked down to Sora and claimed that he had no heart."

"Even though she's the Nobody."

"Larxene can levitate herself and manipulate her electricity into a focused beam, which can be shot from both arms simultaneously as she spins in the center of the stage."

"You spin me right round like a record, baby."

A cut scene rolls where Larxene says, "I'm a bad guy, so you have to go through me."

A familiar blue unicorn pony wearing a purple cape and wizard's hat appears on screen.

"Good gosh!" exclaims B, "These ponies are everywhere."

"We covered Trixie and her abilities in her last battle," says W, "But let's do a little review. As a traveling, performing magician, she can create illusions, smoke effects, fireworks, and misdirection."

"Hey Miss Direction, where's your erec-"

"Anyway, her innate magic lets her form thunder clouds that release lightning and summon ropes to do her bidding. She can alter physical appearance of someone else's hair style and she can project her voice over several yards."

"Unfortunately, for this bragging performer, the Ursa Minor is a burden too heavy to bear."

"Though, she'll never lose her pride."

The review ends with a cut scene of Trixie saying, "Anything you can do, I can do better."

"All right," declares W, "The combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

"Hold up, W," calls B, "Some of these people haven't signed up for their free trial of Gamefly yet."

"What? B, we're done with those."

"And remember to drive safely without being intoxicated, or get a designated driver."

"Come on. I don't want to drive you all the time."

"Go to screwattack.com to check out a ton of video game related content. But right now, it's time for a Death Battle!"

The arena this time is a white, circular platform with a strange pattern encrusted on it. Both of our combatants today are already on it and raring to show off. The blue unicorn pony seems to have an indignant frown on her face. In contrast, the black-cloaked woman seems to be sadistically happy.

"FIGHT!"

No. XII Larxene wastes no time in charging in to attack. She lets loose a flurry of quick kicks and slashes. The Great and Powerful Trixie can't seem to find an opening and helplessly takes all of the damage. I don't think I've ever seen a pony get cut before. Now I know what it looks like with several cuts and scrapes.

The Savage Nymph seems to take a break and teleports to the other side of the platform. The show pony takes this opportunity to send her ropes after her opponent. Larxene decides to humor her and let's herself get tied up. Trixie then summons a thunder head above her opponent which lets loose a couple bolts of lightning. It doesn't faze Larxene, and in fact only seems to disintegrate the ropes. The electricity actually added strength to the Organization member.

Larxene returns the favor by sending a bunch of lightning bolts above Trixie's location. The unicorn is not so fortunate and is weakened by the electrocution. The Savage Nymph takes this time to unleash a fury of clone strikes on her enemy. Then she tosses some of her electrified throwing knives. They impale themselves into Trixie's skin. At this point, the magician is struggling to breathe and stay alive. Drips of blood start leaking out of the places where the knives made contact.

The tall blonde decides it's time to wrap things up. She teleports to the center of the stage and releases a concentrated beam of electricity. She spins around in place and the beam hits Trixie.

All that remains of the show pony is a singed hat, a singed cape, and a smoking skeleton in the shape of a pony. Larxene lets out one of the creepiest evil laughs in the world.

"K.O.!"

"Holy crap!" exclaims B, "That lady's a monster."

W reflects, "Larxene's superior agility and electrical prowess made her a difficult opponent. As such, Trixie's normal plan of attack was practically useless against her."

"She even tried to fight lightning with lightning, but as anyone who's played the Kingdom Hearts games can tell you, that never works."

"Larxene's cleverness and murderous nature sealed the deal."

"This battle was shocking. Heh heh."

"The winner is Larxene." A picture of Larxene appears with her name boldly printed underneath.

"Next time on Death Battle..." announces B.

Bold words cross a black screen.

Darkness...

Emptiness...

Fledgling emotions...

And devourers...

Which is the strongest?

A four-way split screen shows blacked out images of four different types of enemies. A red "vs." appears in the center of that split screen.

"Got an idea for a Death Battle? Leave a comment below."

"Thanks for watching.

---
A/N: Good grief. I've been using a lot of Kingdom Hearts enemies, haven't I? Oh well. They're information seems to be easier to come by than some other characters.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. See you later.

Dark Battle Royale

A/N: Well, it's official. I'm going insane. Prepare for some details that will make no sense without at least some imagination.
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Square Enix.
...
I'm taking a shot at the dark here.
---

Have we got a show for you today. Let the games begin.

Various armies of enemies take the screen.

W says, "Heartless, Nobodies, Unversed, and changelings. They plague the nightmares of Keyblade wielders and pony kind."

B adds, "And today we're pitting hoards of all four of these spawning enemies in a giant no-holds battle royale. He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Dark creatures with blank yellow eyes and various shapes fill the screen.

"The Heartless are creatures that take residence in the realm of Darkness," introduces W, "Their primal instinct sends them to attack those that have hearts and consume the hearts for energy."

As a fact screen appears, B continues, "The Heartless come in two broader categories: the Purebloods and the Emblems. The main difference is that when Emblem Heartless are defeated, they release their captive hearts. Purebloods don't."

"The sub-categories of Heartless cover a wide variety of forms and abilities. The most basic of the Pureblood Heartless are the Shadows which, as their name implies, are made of pure shadows. Other Purebloods include Possessors, Darkballs, and Neoshadows."

"The most basic Emblem Heartless are these tiny, wizard, bird things that take the names of various musical terms and use spells depending on their color."

"Red Nocturnes and Scarlet Tangos cast fire spells, Blue Rhapsodies cast blizzard, Yellow Operas cast lightning, Emerald Blues cast wind, and Green Requiems heal themselves and their allies."

"Other Emblem Heartless include Soldiers, Large Bodies, Bandits, Wyverns, Wizards, Plants, Bombs, and Crescendos."

"The Heartless in general stay in the realm of Darkness unless summoned to the realm of Light by people with Darkness in their hearts."

"So if you ever face these things, bring a flashlight... or a Keyblade."

A scene from the game Kingdom Hearts II reveals Saix saying, "The Heartless ally with whomever is the strongest."

A creature that resembles a living husk of metallic pajamas is shown on screen.

"While Heartless are beings that reside in the Darkness," says W, "the Nobodies are the body and souls that remain after their hearts are lost to darkness."

"There's a saying that Nobodies don't exist," comments B, "but that doesn't explain how they can beat the crap out of you." A stat screen appears as W continues.

"The most basic type of Nobodies are the Dusks. They are swift, agile, and more dextrous than the Shadows."

"Other Nobodies include Creepers, Sorcerers, Snipers, Berserkers, Assassins, Dragoons, Dancers, Gamblers, and Samurai."

"These lesser Nobodies often take orders from the greater Nobodies of Organization XIII. However, for the sake of this battle, the Organization will be sitting this one out."

"All of these abominations of nature will be free to roam the battle field at their leisure."

A scene reveals an image of a Dusk while Yen Sid says, "Nobodies do not truly exist at all."

A creature resembling a blue, shell-less cockroach with red eyes appears on screen.

"Those who were not well-versed in their own existence," reads W, "the Unversed are fledgling emotions that feed on negativity. Originally born when the dark-being Vanitas was separated from Ventus's heart, these monsters are physical extensions of Vanitas." Stats appear as B takes the floor.

"The most common form of Unversed are the Floods, which act and attack pretty much the same way as the Shadow Heartless, only faster."

"Other forms of Unversed include Scrappers, Bruisers, Monotruckers, Thornbites, Shoegazers, Spiderchests, Archravens, Jellyshades, Tank Topplers, Sonic Blasters, Mandrakes, Chrono Twisters, and Axe Flappers."

"Each has their own shape and attacks. The Unversed were kind of the first monsters to attack the realm of Light, even though the Heartless supposedly existed first."

"Either way, they unbalance light and darkness when they reveal themselves."

"And they die in one of my favorite ways: exploding in blue fire!"

A cut scene reveals Keyblade Master Eraqus telling his students about, "Fledging emotions that have taken monster form--Yen Sid calls them the 'Unversed'."

Black creatures that resemble insectoid alicorns are pictured on screen after the title card parts.

W introduces, "The changelings are a monstrous hive that serve their Queen Chrysalis."

B adds, "Who is now dead thanks to Shang Tsung in a previous Death Battle." He then coughs and then adds, "So they're on their own now." As a stat screen appears, W continues talking.

"Changelings are 'emotion parasites' that feed off the true love of their victims. They can alter their appearance to match whatever loved form they see."

"Also, they seem to have some wacky ability to imitate green meteor fire, which can blow craters into the earth and break magical shields simply by tackling them."

"They seem to possess an ability to form green chrysalis goo that can trap their enemies in place making them immobile."

"Except it doesn't hold too well against blasts from magic."

"Like any swarm of insects, their strength lies in their numbers."

The last cut scene shows Queen Chrysalis ordering a swarm of changelings to, "Go! Feed!"

W gives his declaration, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B shouts, "It's time for a full house monster Death Battle!"

A blue, rocky valley marks the setting for this Death Battle. The valley resembles the Great Maw area in the world Radiant Garden (Hollow Bastion). Monsters of all four teams start pouring into the valley via flight, foot, wheels, and everything else that makes their travel possible. The only team with any singularity is Team changeling. Let the genocide commence.

"FIGHT!" A piano melody resembling a sinister shadow begins to play.

Heartless Shadows and Unversed Floods immediately start tackling and scratching at each other. Some of the Heartless spellcasters start shooting fire, ice, lightning, and wind into the fray. Several Floods explode into blue flames as Unversed Scrappers make quick work of the rest of the weaker Shadows. Unversed Bruisers try to jump in only to be bounced off by the slightly larger Heartless Large Bodies.

Meanwhile, the Nobody Dusks and Creepers have taken an interest in slicing and dicing the minion changelings. The alicorn bugs try to transform, but their green auras end with duds. They still hold their birth forms. The stunned shock leaves them open to Nobody Sniper fire. Huh, so that's what color changeling blood is.

Some of the back row changelings take to the skies and aim for the Heartless/Unversed quarrel. Their meteor-like smashes destroy several Heartless Armored Knights and Unversed Spiderchests. Unfortunately, this also leaves those particular changelings vulnerable to being crushed by Unversed Shoegazers and swings from Heartless Bandits.

Strangely enough, the majority of the Nobodies are holding back while the lesser Dusks handle the gist of the other three monster types that come close.

Unversed Tank Topplers roll around and explode, causing casualties to every team. Heartless Bombs try to perform the same tactic, but only end up blowing up their own allies of darkness. Unversed Archravens and Heartless Wyverns take to the sky and hack at each other. The Nobody Gamblers make quick work of the Unversed Chrono Triggers by turning them all into cards before the timers run out. These cards are demolished by various hacks and slashes from all four teams.

The remaining changelings make quick work of the frontal defense enemies by flying swiftly behind them for multiple kicks and bites. Released hearts and blue flames fill the evening sky. Another sect of the changeling swarm gets shot down by Nobody Snipers. The Unversed Jellyshades and Mandrakes are quickly depleted by Nobody Samurai and Heartless Living Bones.

Almost all of the changeling faction has been killed, severely hacked apart, or crushed unconscious. A few Plants that grew in off screen are all that's left of the Heartless. The Unversed have only two Triple Wreckers standing up for them. The Nobodies make their move.

The Berserkers start crushing. The Dancers move gracefully and kill quickly. The Assassins make little noise decapitating Plants. Four Dragoons quickly crumble the Triple Wreckers. The Dusks show no mercy to the unconscious changelings. All of the captive hearts are released. All the negative emotions are gone. All of the love suckers are finished. All that remains are the hollow empty shells.

"M-m-m-m-monster K.O! k.o. k.o..."

"What is this? I don't even," exclaims B.

"The Nobodies had a huge advantage right off the bat," reflects W, "Unlike the other monsters that fight only on instinct, Nobodies can think and plan and they didn't waste their big fighters right away. The changelings were at the largest disadvantage because there was no positive emotion on the field to feed on. Because of this, they had no way to access their trademark power of shape-shifting. The Heartless and Unversed were focused mostly on each other and didn't think about the long-term consequences of sending in their better team members right off the bat. This left an opening for the more powerful Nobodies to clean up the battlefield."

"I guess mind, body, and soul beat hatred and rage."

"The winner is Team Nobodies." A picture of one of the Dusks enters the screen with the bold word "Nobody" underneath it.

Credits roll and thanks are given for watching the show.

---
A/N: Epic, right? And again I find myself at writer's block for a couple other stories I was working on. Oh well. Maybe that'll be more of a summer project to tackle.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. I love Kingdom Hearts.

P.S. Who's ready to watch Raiden vs. Thor on the real Death Battle show? I'm so excited!
Edit: Dang! That was epic. I guess I should have expected that Thunder god to win.

Chapter 18: Outtakes and Shenanigans

A/N: I'm running into a bit of a mental barrier envisioning Kefka fighting in any manner besides a turn-based battle. While I try to work around that, enjoy some randomness since I have no idea what the actual Death Battle gag reels are like.
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and everyone else that something belongs to.
---

"FIGHT!"

Deadpool tries to activate his teleporter belt. Unfortunately, he forgot that he already used it twice today. At first nothing happens. Then, he's surrounded by a yellow electrical current and he appears to fall over from dizziness.

Pinkie Pie looks at him with a confused look on her face. A question mark appears above her. Then she grabs the question mark and pokes Deadpool with it.

"Hey! Are you okay? Why are you sleeping? Silly, man. It's not nap time yet."

"FIGHT!"

Saix gathers energy as he says, "Do you feel it? The moon's power!" He starts levitating as he cries, "Moon, shine down!"

A wide, white beam of light seems to flare down, causing Saix to look like a charcoal briquette in the shape of his body.
The sight is enough to make Nightmare Moon burst out laughing. She no longer feels hatred and reverts to her Princess Luna form. The Night Princess is giggling like a filly.

"No," drones Discord as he snaps his fingers. The background becomes an arctic tundra.

"No," he says again. Another snap changes the setting to the Sahara desert.

"No." Snapping makes it an underwater tunnel.

"No." Another snap changes it into a picture of the director's bedroom.

---
A/N: What the heck? How did you get here?
---

"No," says the draconequus as he snaps again. The background changes to a Nascar track.

"No." The setting changes to a Star Trek spacecraft interior.

"No." He snaps again.

Surprisingly, Kirby unleashes 'the Stare' as well. Fluttershy's Stare and Kirby's Stare fill the air with seismic energy. The battle field starts to shake and tremble.

We pan out to the planetary camera that has the whole world in view. It starts shaking rapidly until...
A noise of flatulence is heard.

We zoom back in to the open field and see a rather brown cloud of mist floating around the area. Both combatants are coughing a lot. Phew! Since when do planets eat burritos? What a stink!

"Now it's time to get serious!" declares the blue hedgehog. He crosses his arms before parting them a few seconds later. The Chaos Emeralds grant him a gold quill color and red eyes.

The 7-colored pony performs a similar motion with her front hooves. Upon doing so, her mane stands up spikier than usual. Her cyan coat has turned pure white. Her eyes are golden.

"You can't go super," points out Sonic.

"I know, but that would be so awesome," breathes Rainbow Dash.

"Can't argue with that," chuckles Sonic.

A blue-flame maned black unicorn states, "I'm F and she's N and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

The stallion pulls out a cigarette that lights automatically when it reaches his mouth. The black alicorn filly with a purple mane and turqoise headband next to him just sits there shyly.

"Hey! Get out of our seats!" shouts B.

"You'll never take us alive!" shouts F as he grabs N and runs out laughing maniacally.

"FIGHT!"

"Wait, time out!" shout the unicorn and Powerpuff simultaneously. They race off opposite sides of the screen.

Oh, why didn't I go before I came here? they think inside their respective portable potties.

"Who goes there?" declares the sorcerer of Outworld.

"It is I, Shang Tsung!" declares the sorcerer look-alike.

"Oh, very well. Carry on."

"Thank you." The look-alike walks behind the sorcerer and punts him away. It then resumes its default form as Queen Chrysalis. She giggles quite cutely for an evil changeling.

"Girls! Our comedy routine!" exclaims Applebloom.

"Huh?" say the confused two fillies. But then it hits them, "Oh!"

...

"...so I tell the guy, 'That's not a draconequus. That's my husband'," Scootaloo says the punchline. Sweetie Belle plays off the rim shot on her drums.

The opposing trio gives unamused looks.

"That wasn't funny," says Shock.

"Boo, you suck!" shouts Lock as he throws a pumpkin bomb at the crusaders. The fillies scatter as they let out a yell.

Amy Rose pulls out her Piko Piko Hammer before performing a spin dash. She spins toward Rarity who can't seem to activate her gem-finding spell. The pink hedgehog crashes into the alabaster unicorn and they both go flying into the wall. After sliding to the ground, they both groan in pain.

"Suddenly, green mane hair doesn't sound so bad," mutters Rarity.

"I'm sure Sonic can take care of himself," mutters Amy.

Princess Celestia of Equestria starts singing a little tune.
The Hulk sings harmonies.

~(My Little Pony)
I used to wonder what friendship could be
(My Little Pony)
Until you all shared its magic with me.
Big adventure, tons of fun,
A beautiful heart, faithful and strong.
Sharing kindness, it's an easy feat.
And magic makes it all complete, yeah!
(My Little Pony)
Do you know you're all my very best friends?~

The background turns dark and the draconequus finds himself looking at a red fetus known as Giygas.

Discord stares for a bit before snapping his fingers. He has teleported somewhere with a white background.

"I need an adult," he whimpers as he curls up in a fetal position. That position looks really weird when applied to a serpentine body.

The farmer pony recoils but manages to counter with a few headbutts and tail whips. Chuck may very well be shadowboxing-
*pow*. Applejack is sent flying and lands on the grass unconscious. Chuck releases a sweat drop.

"Maybe I should have held back a little," he says to himself.

"Rictusempra!" yells Harry as he fires a translucent magic bolt at the unicorn. She falls to the ground laughing uncontrollably. She keeps doing this for at least a couple minutes.

...

It's quite amusing watching an adorkable pony giggling.

...

Heh, even Harry's wearing an amused grin on his face.

"Do a little dance," sings Parker. He rocks his feet back and forth.

"Break a little love." He spins around.

"Get down tonight. Doo doo doo doo. Get down tonight." He rocks his legs again.

---
A/N: Parker!
---

"What?" he says out of shock, "Were we rolling? Sorry! I thought we were on break."

The Savage Nymph decides it's time to end this battle. She teleports to the center before charging up her electricity. She starts releasing an electrified cannon beam and circles around in place. The beam hits the wounded Trixie-

"Hyah! Defend!" declares the 15-year old Keyblade wielder. A white, mirror-like shield surrounds him and blocks the electric beam. The resulting aftershocks hit both Trixie and Larxene knocking them off the platform.

---
A/N: Sora, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be on the Dream Drop Distance set.
---

"Oh, eh-heh," chuckles Sora nervously, "My bad." He departs.

---
A/N: *Sigh* Cut!
---

All four teams of monsters are set to battle.

"FIGHT!"

A loud coughing noise is heard amidst the insect-wing buzzing.

---
A/N: What's going on?
---

"Sorry," coughs Changeling #573, "I have a..." it coughs again, "...sore throat."

---
A/N: Cut! Someone get this guy a throat lozenge! *Sigh* The things I put up with in this gig.
---

"Hope you enjoyed this little break from the norm," says F.

"Th-thanks for watching, e-every pony," squeaks N.

---
A/N: Yeah, what they said.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. And like the great Ezio Auditore da Firenze said:
"Nothing is true. Everything is permitted." Stay strong, brothers.

Bros. vs. Bros.

A/N: The folks over at Death Battle don't usually give reasons why characters they use would ever fight to the death. After all, there's no way in heck the Ninja Turtles would willingly murder each other. (Well, Raphael maybe, but certainly not Donatello.) So if you're confused as to why the four characters in this chapter would try to kill each other, that's why. With that said, let's get started.
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Nintendo.
---

Tricky little devil, that Kefka. Looks like he evaded my offer to fight some pony to the death again. Oh well.

Example pictures of siblings appear on screen.

W starts, "Television and video games alike have many times expressed the importance of brotherly bonds."

"Like Mario and Luigi, the Mario Brothers," says B.

"And Flim and Flam, the Flim Flam Brothers."

"Wait,... since when are ponies allowed to wear facial hair?"

"I'm W and he's B and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

A couple of men of Italian descent appear on screen in red and green plumber outfits.

"After getting sucked into the Mushroom Kingdom during a plumbing job," introduces W, "Mario and Luigi were tasked with helping to keep Princess Toadstool AKA Peach and her kingdom safe from the evil forces of King Koopa AKA Bowser."

"What is with these characters and name changes?" asks B. Various stats appear on screen as W continues.

"The Mario Brothers are super strong, capable of destroying bricks with nothing but their fists. They can jump fairly high although Luigi's jumping ability is vastly superior to Mario's."

"And they've both survived every Mario Party game in existence. Dang, talk about guts."

"Each of the brothers has collected a vast number of power-ups over the years. The fire flower grants them pyrokinetic abilities. The ice flower grants them cryomantic abilities."

"That's fire powers and ice powers in layman's terms."

"Various shrooms grant them extra growth and abilities. Specifically, the propeller shroom grants them extra jumping height, tornado-like prowess, and drill slams."

"The starman grants them invincibility, capable of killing normal enemies just by touching them."

"And cape feathers grant them indefinite flight."

"One of the more recent power-ups that have turned up is the blue Koopa shell, granting them the same invulnerability of any other Koopa in its shell."

"Though, this has allowed them to hit far-off switches and item boxes that were otherwise unobtainable."

"By the way, why are they called the Mario Brothers? I mean sure, Mario's the older one but..."

"It's because Mario is their last name."

"What? What kind of parent uses their last name to name their child? That's just lazy."

A scene where both Mario and Luigi are standing on a superstar winner's circle shows them saying, "I'm a superstar!"

The picture on the screen depicts two cartoon stallions with off-white coats and manes that resemble bacon colors. The one on the left has a red mustache.

"Under the guise of the Flim Flam brothers," introduces W, "Flim and Flam hold occupations as traveling entrepreneurs."

"You cannot tell me that their last name is Flim Flam," comments B skeptically.

"Actually, B, they don't have a last name."

"...what." Stats appear to the right of the screen as W continues talking.

"The Flim Flam brothers are unicorn ponies meaning they have magical abilities. They can use levitation as well as a sort of magical to electrical spell. They use this spell to power their mode of transport and their primary, technological production: the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000. This machine/vehicle is strong enough to topple fences and is taller than five ponies put together. It has a vacuum tube that can suck apples right off the trees and turn them into barrels of, quote unquote, "grade A cider"."

"That ain't how cider works where I come from."

"How fast this process takes depends on how much magic the brothers are willing to turn into electrical power. However, if the machine sucks in anything but top quality apples, such as rocks; debris; branches; and rotten apples, it will reject the items and slow down actual cider output."

"Unless they turn off quality control, which is the stupidest marketing tactic ever."

"And due to a recent mishap with just that tactic, their cider sales are no longer welcome in Ponyville."

"Still, I got to give them props for that addicting musical number."

This summary ends with the last stanza from the Flim Flam brothers' signature musical:

We're saying you've got opportunity
In this very community.
He's Flim. He's Flam.
We're the world famous Flim Flam brothers
Traveling salesponies nonpareil
Yeah!

W declares, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B interrupts, "But first, a shout out to Murray's apple cider."

"B! At least wait and see who wins before celebrating."

"Aw... all right. It's time for a Death Battle!"

The setting appears to be an out-of-the-way apple orchard. The Italian plumbers are walking along minding their own business, when a sudden barrage of mechanical noises is heard. In comes a technological terror with lights, wires and a vacuum. It's powered by two unicorn stallions driving the thing. The Mario Brothers turn to face this mechanical mayhem and stand ready, though Luigi looks a bit more worried than ready.

"Let's-a go!" declares Mario.

"Okie dokie," agrees Luigi albeit reluctantly.

"FIGHT!"

The vacuum tube is surrounded in a green aura as it looms over a random apple tree. It begins sucking in the fruit. There is a green light accompanied by a "ding" as each good apple passes quality inspection, with one red light accompanied by a "bzzt" for the last apple which was apparently rotten. The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 launches a few barrels through the air. They are on direct flights toward the Mario Brothers' current positions.

The plumbers shake in worry briefly before pulling out their respective hammers and hold them in ready positions. As the barrels come with a foot, Mario and Luigi take respective swings and smash the barrels to pieces. The cider somehow spills away from the brothers. Six barrels meet a smashing conclusion.

The unicorns change tactics and start driving their vehicle forward toward the opponents.

"Woah!" yells Mario as he and Luigi start running away. They each pull out a red shroom and use it, making them larger and oddly enough faster. Though they are managing to stay ahead, the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 is gaining on them. The Mario brothers jump over a fence in their way. The machine smashes right on through it. The Mario brothers jump over a second fence and a third. The cider vehicle runs over those fences as well.

The vacuum continues to suck in apples from the trees it passes. Barrels of cider fly and crash. The Mario brothers now have to avoid tripping over fences, being crushed by barrels, and being run over by a machine with too long a name.

Mario pulls out a fire flower while Luigi pulls out an ice flower. As they run they burn and freeze various barrels heading their way while dodging the rest.

Mario and Luigi manage to pull out their cape feathers. They are granted yellow capes and they start to fly out of the vehicle's trampling and shooting range. Flim manages to overpower the vacuum so that it reaches a ridiculous distance. Mario gets sucked into the hose.

"Mario!" cries Luigi. He then sees Flam press the button that turns the machine's quality control off.

"Oh no!" Luigi exclaims. Then he wears an expression of anger. He pulls out a starman and flies toward the enemy at super speed.

"MARIOOOOO!" he shouts as a war cry. He collides with the cider vehicle. There's a huge explosion as pieces of the machine go flying in every direction. Thankfully, Mario is still in one piece and cape intact. He then pulls out his own starman and activates its power.

"Let's-a go!" he declares.

"Oh yeah," agrees Luigi with confidence. The Mario brothers rush over to the dazed Flim Flam brothers and release huge cans of whoop*ss. Their kick-boxing styles along with their invincibility quickly beat the unicorns into pulp. When the starman powers cease, Mario and Luigi step back. Broken bones and bleeding bruises are all that's left of the traveling salesponies nonpareil.

"Ya-hoo!" cheers Mario.

"Go Luigi. Go Luigi. Go Luigi," dances Luigi.

"K.O.!"

B does a spit-take with his cider before saying, "Wah ha ha ho! That was awesome!"

W professionally reflects, "The Mario brothers have much more combat experience under their belts and are quite used to dealing with dishonest enemies. Not to mention, any danger placed on family pushes them to fight even harder. Their versatile power-ups and physical strength quickly decided the result of this Death Battle."

"Looks like Flim and Flam just got flushed. Get it W?" Was that a joke on plumbers beating entrepreneurs? Wow...*facepalm*.

"The winners are the Mario brothers," concludes W. A picture of Mario and Luigi with their names underneath appears on screen.

Credits roll to the usual Death Battle closing theme.

---
A/N: Well, nearing the 20th chapter already? To think this all started with a sort of joke chapter between Deadpool and Pinkie Pie. Man time flies. This particular work of fan fiction is probably going to be quiet for a while until I can confirm the details about the Season 3 antagonists.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. Thanks for reading.

Knight vs. Castle (AKA Mistake Chapter 2)

A/N: I changed my mind (as I often do). Maybe I'll squeeze in a few more fights before the 3rd season even starts.
If joshscorcher AKA the Fiery Joker ever read this chapter, he'd kill me.
...
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Square Enix.
---

MLP: FiM character: check.
Kefka: check.
Overpowering one of the characters so they'll win this battle: check.
Okay, we're good to go.

Various clips of media fill the screen.

"You know, W," says B, "There are some times I wonder why we keep on living."

"You're not the only one, B," says W, "Kefka Palazzo also found life to be empty at times. Today we're pitting him against the honor bound Captain of the Royal Guard: Shining Armor."

B sighs, "Another day, another pony waiting for the slaughter."

"He's B and I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

A picture is shown of a clown that has way too many clothing types and colors for one outfit.

"Lord Kefka Palazzo is a loud-mouthed maniac and bringer of destruction," introduces W, "Starting out as a lowly mage for Emperor Gestahl, he eventually seized control of the Warring Triad and became the god of magic."

"What is it with Final Fantasy antagonists and turning into evil archangels?" ponders B. Various stats appear on screen as W continues talking.

"Nicknamed the 'Psycho Clown', Kefka has a dark sense of humor and a complete disregard for human life. He can only find pleasure in killing and torturing others solidifying his label of psychopath."

"I'm liking this guy."

"His last name 'Palazzo' is Italian for palace, mansion, or castle."

"So... what? Does he live inside himself?"

"Kefka's powers are inconsistent with each of his appearances. This may be due to the fact that he absorbs the strength from espers, or dead mage souls. His magical abilities are quite versatile ranging from manipulation of elements such as fire and ice to warping reality by creating illusions, using telekinesis, and banishing enemies. As a side note, he wields a Morning Star spiked mace for melee attacks."

"Plus, who laughs like this?"

A scene showing Kefka cackling high-pitched and in 8 bits is shown.

A white unicorn stallion with a blue mane and purple-to-gold armor enters the screen as the title card splits.

W introduces, "Shining Armor is the Captain of Princess Celestia's Royal Guard and is the elder brother of Twilight Sparkle. He is the husband of Princess Cadance."

"And he'll soon be Kefka's new toy horse," comments B. Stats appear to the right of the visuals as W continues.

"Shining Armor's magic is mostly defensive as depicted by his shield and star cutie mark."

"Bah ha ha ha ha! Cutie mark! That sounds ridiculous."

"Um... B, I don't know how to break this to you but nearly all of the ponies in Equestria have cutie marks. The exceptions are the fillies that have yet to discover their special talents."

"Wait... seriously? But that sounds so stupid. They have these cool butt tattoos and all the best name they came up with was 'cutie mark'? I don't even know."

"Anyway, as I was saying, Shining Armor can conjure defensive spells to the point of creating a giant shield with a radius spanning over the entire city of Canterlot. This spell can be altered to act as a repellant spell against evil and dark enemies."

"Too bad when he uses large scale spells, he gets a migraine."

"Should true love enter his heart, his magical power increases exponentially."

"Expecto Patronum!"

"... You've already used that joke."

"I don't care."

A scene shows a touching brother-sister moment where Shining Armor says, "Love you, Twily."
Twilight Sparkle responds, "Love you too, BBBFF."

W declares, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B yells, "It's time for a Death Battle!"

The setting looks like a cross between castle high-walls and heavenly skies. A fully armored stallion enters the area as an overly gaudy dressed clown comes into camera view from the opposite side.

"Life... Dreams... Hope... Where do they come from and where do they go?" ponders Kefka.

"FIGHT!"

The god of magic starts altering the colors of the screen ranging from black to red to blue as the motion picture seems to vibrate. While nothing seems to be directly hitting the Royal Guard Captain, he does appear unsettled. He takes off his helmet before casting small, red spell shields in an attempt to reduce the damage from Kefka's unusual attacks.

These shields only manage to throw off the various ice and fire spells that Kefka launches in Shining Armor's direction. The reality warping attacks, like Forsaken, still do some unseen damage on the unicorn internally painful and mentally. He appears to be breathing harder before collapsing to his knees.

"Why cling to life, knowing that you have to die?" asks Kefka out loud.

The Captain is lying down barely breathing. Darkness overtakes the camera view.

My love for you will give you strength.

Shining Armor suddenly stands up after remembering the encouragement from his one true love. A white light starts spiraling around him enhancing his natural red aura of magic. His eyes open to reveal full-white light.

Kefka takes his true, fallen angel form.

The white light suddenly spreads out in all directions. As it collides with the god of magic, he gets forced backwards through this plane of existence. He starts falling out of camera view with nary a word. Kefka, we barely knew ye.

The screen returns to its default colors and Shining Armor stands tall. Although, he then raises a hoof to his head as if he has a headache.

"K.O.!"

B tries a chess pun, "Knight takes Castle. That's checkmate!"

W reflects, "Kefka may have had the advantage initially, but he lacked any true motivation to kill his enemy. He tends to focus on toying with and torturing his foes before finishing them off. However, Shining Armor's burning love for Cadance gave him the strength necessary to overcome the evil that he was faced with."

"Kefka's reign of terror was over before it began."

"The winner is Shining Armor." A picture showing Shining Armor in his red wedding outfit is shown as well as his name printed boldly underneath.

"Next time on Death Battle..." announces B.

Bold phrases appear on screen and then fade away.

Slayer of deities...

Harbinger of the Apocalypse...

God of War...

Alleged son of Zeus...

He is the Ghost of Sparta...

A somewhat faded image of a man with a red face tattoo appears before the screen becomes black again.

"My arms aren't usually this long either." Who said that?

Credits roll and the Death Battle closing theme plays.

Author's Notes:

Yeah, I get the feeling that hate messages are on the way. Fiery Joker is going to sue.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. FLAME SHIELDS UP!

Power and Greed

A/N: All right! Time for me to tackle this requested fight. Here we go! (*sigh* If only I were this enthusiastic about the foreseeable outcome.)
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Sony Computer Entertainment.
---

Rah! Smash! Burn! Oh, yeah! I'm feeling like a bad*ss playing through God of War... what? Oh, sorry. *Stashes away PS3 controller.* Welcome to the Death Battle parody, readers and viewers alike.

Depictions of mythological confrontations flash across the screen.

B starts, "This week we're bringing back another dead character by the powers of Death Battle."

W states, "After several 'experiments', we've brought back Kratos after his unfortunate bout with Spawn. Today, the demigod of war will face an unstoppable force known as the dragon Spike."

"Spike? He looks like a small, purple, lizard thing. What the hell are we doing?"

"He's B and I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

A muscular white man with red face tattoos and a fierce look of intimidation is shown on screen.

"For those of you that missed Kratos' fight with Spawn," starts B, "What's your excuse?"

W is a bit less antagonizing and more professional, "Kratos is a demigod, raised up by the Spartans as their deadliest warrior. When his people were threatened to be overrun, he struck a deal with Ares the god of war. Ares gave him the strength to overpower his enemies. In exchange, Kratos became his willing pawn."

"Unfortunately for Kratos, he got tricked into killing his wife and child and was punished with white, hot ashes covering his skin. The Michael Jackson treatment."

"Betrayed by the gods of Olympus, Kratos' vengeful path of destruction began."

Stats appear on screen as W continues.

"He has demigod strength, speed, and power enough to topple the mighty Hercules. His default weapons are the Blades of Exile, bound to his arms by red-hot chains and can latch onto enemies with their hook design."

"And like other ridiculously powered weapons," adds B, "they can catch on fire."

"Kratos' strongest weapon is arguably the most powerful the Greek gods had to offer: the Blade of Olympus."

"After killing Ares and becoming the new god of war, Zeus tricked Kratos into putting all of his god-like power into this sword, making him mortal once again. That said, the sword is a hazard to all of the toughest Olympians."

"For defense, Kratos wields the Golden Fleece, capable of deflecting several magic-based attacks."

"And Kratos carries a crap-ton of other weapons too. The Bow of Apollo can shoot rapid-streams of arrows or be charged to shoot fiery arrows."

"The claws of Hades rip out the souls of their victims, though tougher opponents can resist them."

"The Nemean Cestus gauntlets can create strong shock waves and stun enemies."

"The Boots of Hermes give Kratos super speed and he possesses Icarus' Wings which allow him to fly. While Kratos is not invincible, it is very difficult to kill him."

"Even suicide doesn't work right on him."

"After killing every Olympian god above and below, save for Aphrodites, the Apocalypse had ultimately arrived."

A cut scene shows Kratos riding the shoulder of a Titan.

"Zeus!" yells Kratos, "Your 'son' has returned!"

The title screen parts to reveal a small, purple dragon with green spine scales.

"After being hatched for an entrance exam," introduces W, "Spike was given to Twilight Sparkle as her assistant librarian and messenger. For all age purposes, he is a baby dragon."

"You're telling me this infant is what we're pitting against this?" B asks as he pulls up a picture of Kratos, "Well... all right then." Stats appear as W continues speaking.

"Spike is very familiar with the library's layout. He can usually find exactly the book Twilight is looking for long before she can."

"It doesn't help that she pulls every single book off the shelf at once."

"As Twilight's messenger, Spike is usually the one to write and deliver her reports to Princess Celestia via his fire breath."

"Wait, his fire sends things to Celestia? Wouldn't her room get crowded with the amount of stuff he burns."

"Actually, the enchantment seems to be in the scroll parchment rather than his flames. This would explain why anything else he breathes fire on turns to ashes."

"Magic. It never explains *ess*t."

"Like other dragons in the land of Equestria, Spike primarily eats various gems. If he starts gathering objects out of greed, he grows larger and gains an older appearance."

"Oh that's ridiculous. What good would a few inches do for that guy-?" B is interrupted by a cut scene of an adult Spike crashing alarms, water towers, and buildings.

"Woah! Ho ho! Never mind. That's freaking sick."

"With a wingless grown appearance," W continues, "Spike can be classified as an Earthbound dragon, incapable of flight but still dangerous to any who oppose him. Also unlike his dragon brethren, Spike's linguistic skills get worse with age and growth."

"This dragon has a Hulk complex."

A scene is shown from the episode Secret of My Excess where Twilight Sparkle is tempting Spike with a broom.

"Spike WANT!" roars Spike as he grows larger and hisses.

"All right," declares W, "the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

"It's time for a warrior versus dragon Death Battle!" shouts B.

It seems to be a nice, sunny day in replica Ponyville. Of course, appearances can be deceiving as a giant purple claw quickly smashes two of the replica houses to smithereens. A large purple, Earthbound dragon with green spikes roars loudly with his head swinging. Within camera distance (which is spanning a rather large mile) stands the Ghost of Sparta, undeterred and fully prepared for a day of slaying enemies be they gods or monsters. His Blades of Exile are already in hand.

"FIGHT!"

Kratos pulls out the Bow of Apollo and starts firing a stream of arrows at the giant dragon. Most of them seem to bounce off the scaly skin. Spike then shows his obsessive greed by grabbing a clawful of the arrows and holds them in close to his chest. He acts as if he's trying to keep them out of view of any onlookers.

The demigod pulls one last arrow and holds it as it catches fire. He releases the arrow and the video runs in slow-motion for a second. The arrow then resumes its actual speed on its course toward the dragon.

With a quick breath of green fire, Spike somehow extinguishes the red-orange flames and the arrow disintegrates. Spike's flame also manages to burn a couple of the replica houses in his path.

Kratos lets out a humph before using his Boots of Hermes to race towards the dragon he faces. He pulls out his Nemean Cestus gauntlets and punches Spike's legs a few times. The dragon reaches down a claw as the Ghost of Sparta quickly rushes to the dragon's other side. He delivers a couple more punches that would normally stun a foe. Spike however is unfazed and slams his other claw on top of Kratos. He then lifts his claw to examine the damage.

Though pride has been cracked, Kratos is far from beaten as he stands up. The demigod pulls out Icarus' Wings and starts flying away from the replica town. The dragon gives chase by land, crushing houses along the way. The camera changes view to a purple mountain range with a few large caves. This is where Kratos flies and consequently where Spike follows.

As the Ghost of Sparta enters one of the caves, he puts away his stolen wings and drops to the cave floor. It's a bit of a tight squeeze for the behemoth dragon but he manages to crawl in as well. He breathes another stream of green flames at his attacker. Kratos stands defiantly and lets his shoulder wearing the Golden Fleece take the brunt of the forceful inferno.

He pulls out his Blades of Exile and throws a few ranged hits against the dragon. Spike's chin loses a few scales and some blood spills. He roars and then charges in headfirst to bite his opposition. Kratos quickly attaches his hook-like swords to the cave ceiling and pulls himself up out of the way as Spike's head barely misses. Kratos then jumps down onto Spike's head, crunching it against the cave floor. He somersaults backwards as the dragon reels back in a roaring pain.

The demigod launches his twin blades out by their chains and sinks them under Spike's head scales. He manages to force the dragon's head to smash into the left and right cave walls, the ceiling, and the floor. He then retracts his Blades of Exile and sheathes them.

With the dragon dazed and in pain, the only one who can move is the Ghost of Sparta who happens to be charging forward right now. He pulls out his ultimate sword and jumps above Spike's head. The next audible sound is the Blade of Olympus impaling the dragon through the eye and lower jaw. More blood spills as Kratos pulls out his sword and holds it up in a victorious stance. He never smiled. The dragon heaves its final breath.

"K.O.!"

B comments, "Now that was burning hot Death Battle!"

W reflects, "Spike's greed and overwhelming size would normally be a glaring advantage in a battle. However, Kratos is used to dealing with enemies like this all the time. His arsenal was useless against Spike out in the open, but he cleverly used the cave environment and his masterful swordplay to overcome size disadvantage."

"Besides, one of Kratos' earliest triumphs was taking down a freaking hydra. Compared to that, this dragon fight was a walk in the park. Sit, Spike. Stay."

"The winner is Kratos." A picture of the Ghost of Sparta appears with his name underneath.

Credits roll and we thank you for watching.

---
A/N: Okay, so I pulled all of Kratos' facts straight from his original Death Battle. But really, where else was I supposed to get the best detailed information?
Coming soon to Death Battle: Babies 'R' Us?
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit for this.

And now a moment of silence for our favorite baby dragon.

...

R.I.P. Spike.

Crazy and Crazier

A/N: You know, I contemplated putting the baby Cakes into a Death Battle scenario, but then I was like, "...no."
So... yeah. That's not happening. Meanwhile, have a free smile.
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Konami.
---

Guess who's back. Back again. Pinkie's back. Tell a friend. Guess who's back ad nauseam. Okay, my impersonation of Eminem is over. Let's get started.

Faded images of insanity and randomness flood the screen.

"Well it's that time of the month," states B, "Time to return to some old-fashioned randomness and insanity."

W says, "Today, a classic 4th wall breaker will face a modern 4th wall breaker who happens to have survived a previous Death Battle."

"FOXHOUND unit Psycho Mantis."

"And Pinkie Pie, the unknown variable pony."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

A man covered in wires and a gas mask appears as the title screen parts.

"Psycho Mantis was born in a small village in Russia prior to the collapse of the USSR," introduces W, "Shortly after discovering his ability to read minds, his telekinetic powers burned down his entire village. This killed all of the other residents and left him with severe burns. He joined the psychic intelligence division of the KGB and later the United States FBI."

"But in 2000," continues B, "he dove a little too deep into a serial killer's psyche and adopted his psychotic personality."

"He left the FBI and eventually sold his service to the highest bidder: FOXHOUND. Though, he and some other members eventually grew weary of their positions and took over Shadow Moses Island."

Stats appear on the screen as B says, "This guy can use a bunch of psychic powers like psychokinesis, telepathy, mind reading, and mind control which he's used in a number of disturbing ways."

A cut scene plays at this time. "Don't like girls?" asks 'Meryl'.

"Psycho Mantis wears a gas mask," states W, "which not only functions to hide his scarred face but also prevents the thoughts of others from constantly entering his mind. This lets him focus on more specific targets like next generation FOXHOUND soldiers."

"A shame for him that his control eventually wore off. That was one hell of an army."

"Not only can Psycho Mantis read Snake's mind, but he can also read the mind and history of Player 1's past video game plays."

A close-up of Psycho Mantis in a cut scene is shown.

"So you like adventure games?" he asks, "You've been playing Super Mario Sunshine, haven't you? Oh, so you've played Super Smash Bros. Melee before. Hmmm. You have not saved very often."

"Yet Player 2's mind is safe and sound," comments B.

A scene of Psycho Mantis' boss battle reveals him saying, "What!? I cannot read you!"

The pink earth pony with a mane of cotton candy appears after the title card splits.

"We've briefly covered Pinkie Pie's facts in her last battle," starts W, "but there's plenty more about her."

"She found her talent in party planning after a Sonic Rainboom messed up her hair," says B, "and she's apparently taken up babysitting in addition to baking." Stats appear as W takes the floor.

"Her cheerful personality and haphazard thought process is enough to throw even the most steadfast enemies off guard."

"In addition to her Party cannon, she's added a few new items to her arsenal like balloon-filled suitcases, confetti-filled ovens, and cake batter-filled confetti blowers."

"In the mildest term, she can be considered unpredictable and she has a constant habit of ignoring the 4th wall and its potential consequences on reality. She tends to hop and skip as opposed to trotting like other ponies."

"And she can somehow manipulate her personality to sound philosophical one minute and oblivious the next."

"Her innocent demeanor makes it difficult if not impossible to insult her."

A cut scene reveals 'Mi Amore Cadenza' commenting on Pinkie's plans for the wedding party.

"Perfect," says 'Cadance', "if we were throwing a six-year-old's birthday party."

"Thank you," says Pinkie Pie with a genuinely grateful look while Twilight Sparkle is in view in front of a pillar.

"The only time she'll intentionally be a threat is when you break one of her Pinkie promises," adds B.

A scene reveals a fiery-eyed Pinkie Pie yelling, "YOU PINKIE PROMISED!" This is followed by Applejack yelping in an "oh crud" kind of way.

"All right," declares W, "the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

"Hold up, W!" interrupts B, "I'm going to buy a gas mask to give myself some bad*ss psychokinesis."

"B, the mask doesn't give psychic powers. It limits them..."

"Thank you for the sponsorship, Gamefly! It's time for a Death Battle!"

A long dark hallway takes the setting of the screen. We seem to move around to face a double door that opens up and reveals the inside with some vaguely familiar photos on the back wall. They kind of look like the three alicorn princesses introduced in the first two seasons.

"Were you expecting someone else?" asks a breathy voice. In front of the desk, an electrified silhouette appears before it takes on the physical form of a white man wearing wires and a gas mask.

"Your mind is an open book to me," he breathes, "You really like Random stories, don't you?" He pauses for a breath and his arms take a thoughtful pose.

"You've read Mortal: Kombat Equestria, haven't you? You like Comedy stories it seems." Psycho Mantis pauses again.

"I see you've read Past Sins and Through the Eyes of Another Pony before. Hmmm. It seems you do not upload stories very often." He spreads his arms out.

"The demonstration is over!" he nearly yells. A strange wave of energy permeates the room. The portraits of the three princesses appear to laugh in very chipmunk-toned chortles. Psycho Mantis joins in on the laughter.

He suddenly halts his laughter with a roar. Fire appears to crash in random locations in the room. The camera man runs around in front view yelling because his shirt is on fire. The picture's on the back wall cease laughing, almost as if they are aware that their top left corners are ablaze.

"You should really be careful, mister," says an upbeat, casual voice, "because messing with fire is asking for something dire." The source of the voice reveals itself as a pink earth pony with more pink as its mane color. Her vacant smile is undeterred and she doesn't even appear singed despite the flames that seem to lick her sides. Pinkie Pie is here.

"FIGHT!"

The fire starts to die out as the screen suddenly flashes black. The word "HTORY" appears in the top right-hand corner of the screen. Pinkie Pie pops her head in from the left side of the screen.

"Oh, silly reader," she chimes, "Your connection broke. Here, let me get that." She re-connects the reader to the internet, unknowingly switching the wireless point to the second strongest signal. The screen buzzes with snowy static before returning to the room filled with burn marks.

Psycho Mantis laughs before disappearing. His trail seems to be an arc of lightning that goes in a patternless direction. He reappears briefly near the western wall of the room. The party pony activates her party cannon (from out of nowhere) and a tablecloth is fired and covers the psychic. The table cloth loses the humanoid shape as it falls to the ground. The lightning arc is moving again.

After sporadically moving all over the place, the psychic reappears at the southeastern corner of the room. He levitates a couple sofas and launches them toward the pink pony. Pinkie Pie jumps up and over the makeshift projectiles and opens a yellow briefcase (also from out of nowhere). Fully blown up balloons escape and scatter in all directions. A few of which hit Psycho Mantis' mask in the eye pieces.

"What!? I cannot read you!" the psychic cries out in alarm.

He disappears again as the random lightning. Surprisingly, it just follows a giant orderly circle around the room before heading straight for the center. He reappears, but this time he seems to have a new obstacle. A 7-colored mane dawns the form of Rainbow Dash and she's in a dazed, zombie-like stare. She's semi-flying in front of the psychic.

"Be a good girl and beat yourself up," chides Psycho Mantis. The mare slowly raises her hooves up like fists.

"Hey, Dashie!" yells Pinkie Pie, "I saw Soarin outside the building!" Dash immediately wakes from her trance.

"Really?" she says in excitement. She quickly flies out the room's double doors. Oddly enough, she quickly finds the actual Soarin just outside. We'll have to ignore them because that's not where the fight is taking place. The camera view returns to the depressing-looking room.

Psycho Mantis resumes his original strategy of turning into a haphazard bolt of lightning. He zigzags every which way before reappearing above the desk. In the time that we've had our eyes distracted, Pinkie Pie has opened her 'welcome wagon'. The oven bursts open releasing a blast of confetti that catches Psycho Mantis off guard. The confetti cannon releases a somewhat vertical stream of butter-yellow goop. It splits into two streams and hits both combatants, covering them both from head to foot.

"Oops, I did it again," chuckles Pinkie Pie. She moves her tongue in an impossibly long motion and licks all of the cake batter off her body. She hops over to the distracted psychic and uses a similar tongue motion to remove the batter from his body. What she didn't notice right away was that she accidentally swallowed the psychic's gas mask in the process.

Without the mask, a stream of unrelenting thoughts hits the psychic all at once.

Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie. I love to throw parties. Do you like parties? I like cake and punch and ice cream and games and dancing. My best friends are Twilight and Dashie and Fluttershy and Applejack and Rarity. We're the spirits of the Elements of Harmony. Mine's Laughter. Twilight is Magic. Dashie is Loyalty. Rarity is Generosity. Fluttershy is Kindness. Applejack is Honesty. I also like Spike. He's such a cute, lovable, baby dragon. Well, except when he gets greedy. Then he gets super big and nasty and assaulting him with cake just doesn't seem to stop him. I used to live on a rock farm. I lived with my parents and my sisters Inkie and Blinkie. They were fun after I introduced them to the idea of parties. Oh, I love Mr. and Mrs. Cake and Pumpkin and Pound Cake and Rose and Derpy and Golden Harvest and Berry and Lyra and...

...Is that... blood spilling out in a small controlled stream out of Psycho Mantis' forehead? In any case, he lands on the floor face up, shocked, and overwhelmed. Some of the red liquid spills next to Pinkie Pie though she wasn't really paying attention to the source.

"Ooh, is that floor ketchup?" she stares in wonder. She leans down and licks with a much shorter tongue. The realization of what the substance is makes her scrunch her face in disgust.

"Ewww. That's not ketchup." She starts rubbing her tongue with a hoof to try and get the iron taste off.

"K.O.!"

"Dang," comments B, "Talk about speaking your mind."

"Psycho Mantis had a versatile set of illusions and psychic abilities," reflects W, "He is even capable of breaking the 4th wall beyond the limits the Pinkie Pie usually dares. But her less murderous and more unpredictable fighting style made it nearly impossible to judge her next action. As a result, he wasn't ready to counter attack when Pinkie outmaneuvered his mind puppet skills. The barrage of Pinkie's thoughts being forced into his own mind all at once quickly turned the odds against him."

"In the end, Psycho Mantis just needed to pray."

"The winner is Pinkie Pie." The pink party pony's picture and name appear on screen.

"Special thanks to Rina-chan for the voice of Pinkie Pie."

"Thanks for watching."

---
A/N: I really didn't see that coming.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit. Blah blah, you've heard this all before.
Next time: something a little different.

Chapter 23: Rejected Ideas or Questionable Thoughts (You can probably skip this. I change my mind often.)

A/N: This is another non-standard episode of a chapter. It's an assortment of random ideas for a Death Battle that I just thought to myself, "This will never work," or "I'd be insane if I wrote that," or "What was I thinking?"
So, in no particular order, here's my "Scenarios that might have happened, but won't."
Properties all belong to their respective owners including but not limited to Screw Attack and Hasbro.
---

Octavia and Vinyl Scratch AKA DJ P0N-3 team up to take on the various musical talents of old and new. Mozart, Beethoven, the Beatles, Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson, Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, Rebecca Black, and many others' musical numbers fail in comparison to the combined might of cello and record scratching.

There's not enough canonical appearances and songs by those two ponies to justify that. As I've said before, I will NOT use fanon powers if I can help it.

Okay, so the wonderful wall-eyed Pegasus pony can deliver packages, speak with two different octaves, create lightning, and reduce wooden buildings to rubble with just her butt.
...
That's not exactly enough "researched" information that B and W could chew on.

I run into a similar problem as with the previous idea. Most of the information I've ever heard about Derpy (or Ditsy if you prefer) has been through fanon sources or someone else's headcanon. I will not force the acceptance of fan fictional powers, because then I have to go make the exception and allow OC characters in and make each and every one of them more powerful than is sensible within the limitations that a controlled encounter could possibly have between them.

The only reason Pinkie Pie can have unspoken powers is because she's Pinkie Pie. I can't control her.

Edit: Never mind. I've figured out what I'm going to do with Derpy. Just sit tight.

"The Princess of the Night hurls the heart-shaped mask at the moon and then uses her unique magic to spin the moon through all of its phases in one night. This rotation sends Majora's Mask out into space, never to be seen again."

*Sigh*. I don't know. This fight itself has potential... I guess. But honestly, I couldn't possibly make Luna that overpowered, otherwise it doesn't really fit her profile. Something about it just irks me the wrong way.

...no. Just no. Never again. Next!

Here's where things get a bit "I'm not sure why, it just is". The Power Rangers have some pretty neat... well... powers and their megazords are all pretty awesome too. Realistically, they have been defeated before by very real threats. Unfortunately, I can't really think of a mechanical equivalent in the magical land of Equestria besides Sweetie Bot. And we all know the Friendship is Witchcraft is non-canon. As I've said before, I'm sticking to canon as closely as possible.

The thing is, Q & A episodes on the actual Death Battle require the straight answers from B and W themselves. I don't know how they'd answer certain questions if they've never answered them on an actual Q & A episode. I can only pretend to exemplify their personalities. I can't read their minds. So that's out.

I think I've explained this idea enough times. For those that were thinking TL;DR, here's the fast version.
Canon, yes. Fanon, no.
Next.

While it would be hilarious to face off Tara Strong voiced characters, here's the problem. Where does Timmy's power usually come from?
"Cosmo! Wanda! I wish..."
One-on-one means one-on-one. I can't make it a two-magic-fairies-and-human-on-one. That just wouldn't be right. Battle royales are reserved for teams that are all on opposite sides. I'm not splitting either of Timmy's fairies from him and having them join the pony side. That would defeat the purpose of the battle to begin with.

There isn't enough canonical information about these background ponies to really "explain" them in a Death Battle setting. Fanon information is neat but useless here.

*Sigh*. I'd rather we didn't talk about that. I learned the mistake about including powers that weren't mentioned or shown in the character's medium and the consequences it can have on viewers that want an experience that makes sense for the settings that they are in. No more fan-specific abilities, powers, ponies, or what have you. I'm done with that.

That would be interesting if pulled off correctly. Sadly, I don't think I have the imagination possible to really describe the destruction one could cause with nothing but a portal gun and a multitude of surfaces that aren't compatible with portals.

For the time being, I'd like to steer clear from one-sided "guns win" fights. Maybe later when more chuckles can be shared at this random violence I'll add them in. For now, anything with them is cancelled until further notice.

One, it's too late in the year. Two, unlike many people, I don't like it when someone purposefully gets my hopes up or tossed around over some random joke they thought was funny at the expense of others' confidence or self-esteem. Since that's the case, it's only fair that I avoid taking part in related, reciprocal behaviors. I solemnly swear to never make April Fool's jokes in this particular work.
And just to seal the deal, I'll double up on promises. Cross my heart and hope to die.
Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my- AUGH! MY EYE!
...
You get what I'm saying though.

In order for battles to be properly described, I need to be able to easily retrieve various facts and figures about the person/creature/thing. I don't want a repeat of the short Giygas chapter just because I couldn't find anything that could tell me what his attacks look like and what they actually do. The reason the real W and B reject so many Death Battle ideas is because there's not enough information that relates to the character. (See their second Q & A and W asks, "Who's Captain Kirk?")

The director, narrator, and cameraman are essentially fan characters. I don't use fan characters. I also will not pit W or B for obvious reasons. (F and N will occasionally be used for various outtakes episodes but not for "official" battles.)

I've thought about it, changing the "FIGHT" text to be red and inserting "---Death Battle---" instead of long sentences describing scene changes. But really, that was kind of the fun of doing the first chapter: not really knowing for sure what I was doing and still kind of new to FiMfiction's features. I think it has a bit of novelty attached to it and I'd like to leave it as is.

As hard to believe as it sounds, I'm not a huge fan of violence. (What? Are you for real?) Yeah. With toddler violence, I'm even less enthusiastic. To make them fight each other just doesn't settle right for me. It's one of those "I don't know why, it just is." So, sorry but no baby Cakes. I don't want them to die or inadvertently cause a death. It leaves a stain on my guilty conscious. (That didn't stop you from killing a baby dragon.) Oh, come on. I gave him a respectful moment of silence. What more do you want? I'm not putting him into another Death Battle.

Next time on Death Battle...

A wanderer of time...

A pony that never was...

Which neutral ground will win?

Only one way to find out.

Stay tuned.

---
A/N: Sorry if this wasn't exactly a humorous chapter. I just had steam to blow and frankly, I feel that writing/typing is the best way to express my feelings.
Next chapter, we'll return to your regularly programmed "this pony/enemy beats that enemy/pony's behind". Thank you for your patience.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. Enjoy your day/night.

Time is of the Essence

A/N: All right, now that I've gotten serious out of my system, it's time to go crazy again and write some events that could happen in a video setting but probably won't make it onto the actual Screw Attack website.
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Square.
---

A time traveler? I thought the director wasn't going to use the Doctor. Wait... it's not the Doctor? Who else travels through time?

...oh.

Pictures of Link, Gordon Freeman, Cloud, and other protagonists fill the screen.

"Ever notice that it's the quiet ones that make the most noise?" asks B, "Well, it's true."

"Like Chrono, the warrior from Truce," says W, "And today he'll be fighting a revived and slightly peeved Chrysalis, queen of the changelings."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

A spikey, red-haired teen wearing a blue tunic and wielding a sword in his hand appears on screen.

"Chrono was born in the year 983 A.D," introduces W, "At age 17, he tested out a device called the Telepod invented by his friend Lucca. When something went horribly wrong and the Telepod sent Marle back to the past, Chrono's time traveling adventures began."

As stats appear on screen, B adds, "This guy's been to several time periods and learned new information and abilities from each."

"Specifically, he gained his magical abilities at the End of Time. These abilities, called 'techs', offer support and offense during the heat of battle. His Cyclone ability lets him hit a circle of enemies and Wind Slash allows him to hit an entire enemy lineup."

"Lightning lets him attack with... well, lightning obviously and Lightning II is a multiple targeted version of that."

"He can Raise a fallen ally from knockout, confuse enemies with a four-strike Frenzy, and damage all of his enemies with holy light using Luminaire. Chrono is proficient in fighting with katanas. His most powerful katana is the Dreamseeker that he received for slaying a Dream Devourer. The sword has a high probability for dealing critical damage."

"While Chrono takes extra damage from Shadow magic, he doesn't seem to have very many obvious weaknesses aside from that one time that Lavos managed to eat his soul."

"But his friends were able to revive him using a clone from 1000 A.D."

"This is Star Wars all over again."

"As he doesn't say much, he usually lets his actions do his talking for him, though this has lead to very comical results."

"Just imagine Link the hero of time as a red head and you've pretty much got Chrono." At this statement, we can actually hear W face palm.

The closing cut scene for Chrono is an epic sword fight as he takes on several enemies surrounding him at once. He doesn't say a word even as he topples the last foe.

The familiar black changeling shows up on screen. Do you really need a reminding description of how grotesque she looks?

"Refresh my memory, W," says B, "Why did we bring this thing back to life?"

Not surprisingly, W ignores him and reintroduces, "Queen Chrysalis rules over the swarm of changelings from the outskirts of Equestria. They feed off love and can alter their appearance to resemble any pony they see."

"If I had face that ugly, I wouldn't show it in public either." Stats appear on screen as W keeps talking.

"Chrysalis specifically has an aura of evil magic capable of levitation, fabric disintegration, energy beams, and opening portals to the underground."

"She's Spawn minus the guns and awesome cape."

"The strongest source of her power came from Shining Armor's love which she commented was even stronger than Celestia's magic."

"You'd think god was more enduring than that."

"But as was proven at the end of her 10 minute reign over Canterlot, too much love is enough to repel Chrysalis and her entire faction of changelings."

"She fell for the typical trap of the villain: the musical reprise."

The cut scene shown proves B's point as Chrysalis sings:

This day has been just perfect
The kind of day of which I've dreamed since I was small.
Every pony else to control
Every stallion, mare, and foal
Who says a girl can't really have it all?

---
A/N: Close that tab right afterward. That user's got it stuck on replay.
---

As always, W declares, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

"Hang on, W," interrupts B, "I'm going to go use the Carbonite funds to buy a new katana."

"But you just got a new katana."

"It's time for a Death Battle!"

We now find ourselves staring at a random forest line in the middle of nowhere. It's past the valley of somewhere, but not as far as neither-here-nor-there. Silence looms over this setting as the camera pans in a rightward direction. The view settles on the quiet combatants, poised and ready for battle. Let's not keep them waiting.

"FIGHT!"

Holding the calm pose of a samurai, the red-head raises his katana high. The changeling surrounds herself with green flame. In an instant, she looks like a mirror image of the warrior she faces. Actually, 'mirror image' is a perfect phrase since Chrono is wielding his sword left-handed while his doppelganger holds it right-handed. They both charge forward.

Metal clangs against metal as the fighters clash. The advantage isn't obvious at first but Chrono's more experienced swordplay is apparent as his doppelganger begins to back up. He spins around in a Cyclone attack. As the duplicate tries to imitate the motion, the original unleashes a Wind Slash forcing his opponent back several feet.

Unable to copy the magical abilities, the clone is forced to watch and dodge Chrono's various Lightning attacks. She gets caught in the widespread Lightning II attack which happens to singe the grass surrounding her. Chrysalis reverts back to her original form in a less impressive, green flame. The time traveler is far from finished and activates his Luminaire tech. The changeling queen is caught in a blast of holy light.

She is barely standing and struggling to breathe. She fires a green beam of magic at Chrono. Although he feels weakened, he still charges forward to deliver the kill. As he gets within a few yards, Chrysalis suddenly finds a channel of love to sink into and its coming from the warrior. Somewhere deep in his heart, she finds her last-ditch plan. She is surrounded by green flame again. When the fire clears, a girl familiar to Chrono appears.

The warrior stops within a few feet in surprise. His expression seems to read, "Is it really her?"

"Chrono," whimpers 'Marle', "I thought you loved me." Her eyes flash green for a moment as a similar effect occurs in his eyes. He lowers his sword as he walks in a trance toward his wife. She opens her arms and embraces the warrior.

She starts to squeeze the life out of him. Chrono feels constricted and strangled. Something is not right. Marle is not herself. Marle... This is not Marle. She never laughs wickedly like this.

His left hand reacts within a split-second. The Dreamseeker blade drives itself into 'Marle's' heart. With her heart pierced, the changeling queen can no longer hold her disguise. She reverts back and the green hypnosis leaves Chrono's eyes. He pulls his sword back and turns to leave as Chrysalis falls to the grass in a heap.

"K.O.!"

"Now that's what I call a Death Battle," says B in delight.

"Chrono had better sword fighting experience right off the bat," reflects W, "His magic was able to keep a steady pace at keeping Chrysalis at a distance."

"Her dark magic might have been able to beat him, but it just wasn't enough."

"She even tried to use Chrono's true love against him, but he was able to break out of it when his suspicion outweighed his blindness."

"Deep in the heart of Chrysalis," B sings to the tune of "Deep in the Heart of Texas".

"The winner is Chrono," concludes W as Chrono's picture appears on screen with his name underneath.

Credits roll and our show hosts are silent.

Thanks for watching.

---
A/N: Sorry this one took so long. I needed a bit of a rest.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. The next chapter might be a bit more in the "humorous" category than a serious duel. I'll get back to you on that.

Love is a Battlefield

A/N: The episodes have had a lot of kills lately. Time to turn it around a notch. I guess I need to learn to alternate more.
...
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Nintendo.
---

The number funnier than 24. ...*face palm* I cannot believe I just said that.

Pictures of various damsels in distress cross the screen.

"In many a heroic tale," starts W, "there is usually a princess to be saved."

"But now it's time to break them out of their lazy, personal bubbles," declares B.

"Without their knights in shining armor, which of these damsels in distress will claim victory?"

"Returning Death Battle champion, Princess Peach."

"And the lost niece of Equestrian royalty, Princess Cadance."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's out job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

A long-haired princess in a pink dress and wearing a jewel-encrusted crown enters the screen.

"Introducing," announces B, "The b**** with a powerful *ss. The girl who can deliver a kick that shattered Zelda's skull. The one and only PRINCESS PEACH!"

"Peach has been kidnapped over a dozen times," says W, "Her grace and athleticism only get her so far."

Stats appear as B says, "Somehow, from her imprisonment, she can still send mail to Mario containing extra lives and power ups. How the hell does that work?"

"She is quite a capable fighter when she sets her mind to it. She's participated in countless sports and survived hundreds of Mario Party events."

"Peach's weaponry consists of a tennis racket, golf club, frying pan, and turnips that she can somehow pull out of infertile ground."

"She wields Perry the Parasol and Heart Power, capable of healing herself and allies and putting her opponents to sleep."

"And she can focus her emotions into raw powerful abilities after touching the... pfft. Vibe scepter. Ah ha ha ha ha!"

"And as we've stated before, her Empress Peach power can deliver a kick of 15 psi, enough to shatter the human skull and cause decapitation."

"Ha ha ha ha, I've got the giggles. Heh heh heh."

A cut scene shows Peach cheering, "Mario! Luigi!"

A rather small alicorn enters the screen with colors that remind a viewer of a sunset.

W introduces, "Princess Mi Amore Cadenza AKA Cadance is a distant niece of Princess Celestia and is the wife of Captain Shining Armor."

"Mi Amore Cadenza?" asks B, "What in the hell kind of name is that?"

"It roughly translates to 'my love for rhythm'."

"Kay, got it." Stats appear off to the right while W continues.

"She took charge as Twilight Sparkle's foalsitter for one full year in the past and she's often looked at as a peacemaker."

"This is who's fighting the fatal foot?"

"As far as magical capabilities go, Cadance isn't much stronger than the average unicorn and she can perform basic levitation. Her wingspan isn't enough for the natural flight of other Pegasi, but it is enough to allow long-distance gliding."

"So wouldn't the correct term be Pegacorn?"

"Unlike other unicorns, Cadance is capable of spreading love magic which can help remind lovers of their true affection and overpower mind control spells. It can even be used to super charge Shining Armor's defensive spells."

"Shields at full power."

"It is also assumed that she has minor healing magic. Despite being old enough to marry, Cadance is a child at heart who enjoys apple pastries, the chicken dance, and floral dresses."

"She always dresses in... nah, too easy."

The cut scene shown for Cadance reveals her performing her childish dance with Twilight.

"Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake. Clap your hooves and do a little shake. Ha ha ha ha ha."

"All right," declares W, "The combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

"Time for a cat fight Death Battle!" yells B.

What a gorgeous sunny day there is in the battle field today. It looks like a very familiar, wooden bridge connecting two tall cliffs. The princess of the Mushroom Kingdom floats down holding her parasol. The young princess from Equestria floats in on the other side of the screen before landing and closing her wings. Déjà vu.

"FIGHT!"

Princess Peach pulls out a white turnip with a face out of the ground even though she's on a bridge. She tosses it to the left. Princess Cadance manages to jump out of the way and lands back on the bridge. While she is distracted, Peach runs forward and delivers a smack with her behind.

"Ah-cha!" she yells. The alicorn princess flinches from the collision but regains her composure. She gallops forward and just as she comes to a stop she reaches out one hoof out and smacks Peach across the face. The toadstool princess screams out in pain. She then returns the favor by smacking Cadance's face. Now she screams in pain. This erupts into a slap fight which I must admit looks very hilarious when half of the slaps are actually hoof smacks.

Cadance is the first to break away from this pointless struggle. Her horn lights up in a cyan, magical aura. Suddenly, Peach is surrounded by this cyan aura. She's lifted a few inches above the bridge. She comically attempts to 'swim' through the air with little success. In frustration, her eyes catch fire and she's practically surrounded by a fiery aura. I'm seriously feeling déjà vu here.

Before any other yells can be exchanged, the bridge suddenly disintegrates in a cacophony of ashes and broken pieces. Both princesses start falling and Peach's fiery anger ceases. In free-fall, Cadance opens her wings wide which seems to slow her down slightly. Peach chooses to open her parasol. The alicorn edges toward Peach in an attempt to deliver another hit, but Peach quickly pulls out her frying pan and smacks her opponent away before she gets the chance.

Upon landing on the grass below, both princesses look shaken up. Both of them surround themselves with a valentine-shaped aura. Their minor bruises are almost healed instantly. It's time for them to pull out their last resorts. Peach summons a sheep and launches it to hit her opponent from above. Cadance activates a valentine-shaped light and it floats toward Peach at an alarming pace.

As the sheep finally falls onto Cadance's head, the valentine reacts with Peach's face. The alicorn falls asleep on her feet. The toadstool princess is suddenly reminded of her love and she spins around in joy. In her dizzy bliss, she falls face-up onto the grass.

"Mario," she coos. Meanwhile Cadance is snoring elegantly. Looks like this fight won't be going anywhere anytime soon.

"K.O.!"

"Ah ha ha," chuckles B, "What was that?"

"Peach definitely had the upper hand with a wider variety of unpredictable attacks," reflects W, "Although, Cadance held her own for quite a while. She even caught Peach off guard with her sudden use of magic. But Peach ultimately destroyed the bridge that held them up. However, this battle was over as soon as their distracting maneuvers were used. Peach fell hopelessly in love with her memories while Cadance took an all-expense paid trip to dream land."

"This is ridiculous," scoffs B.

"This Death Battle is a draw," concludes W. Pictures of both damsels appear on screen with the bold word "DRAW" underneath.

---
A/N: Okay, a few ideas hit me. Since I figured out a way for a non-offensive pony to take part in a combat-like situation, I thought, why can't I do the same with another favorite character? Stick around for next chapter, because I'm about to change my mind for the umpteenth time.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. Be seeing you.

Myde or Muffin?

A/N: Well, now that I'm actually writing this chapter, expect an edit to the previous intermission chapter. Personally, I don't care what her name is. I still love her all the same.
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Square Enix.
---

So she walks up to the mirror and says, "I think." Then she disappears. Hah? Hah?

---
A/N: Psst. You're on the air.
---

What? Oh! Sorry, audience. I didn't see you there. *Ahem*.

The screen is flooded with images of blondes and blonds.

"You ever wonder why there are so many jokes about blond people?" asks B, "Because they're so darn funny."

W states, "Today we're taking two of media's 'dumb' blonds and putting them into the ring."

"Demyx, the Melodious Nocturne."

"And Derpy, the Pegasus with a bubbly personality."

"Pfft. Ah ha ha ha ha."

"I'm W and he's B and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

The title card parts to reveal a somewhat lanky guy in a black overcoat holding a blue sitar.

"Demyx is No. 9 of Organization XIII," introduces W, "His hobbies include playing his sitar, napping, slacking off work, and letting others do his work for him."

"Like me!" chips in B. Stats appear for the Melodious Nocturne as W continues.

"Though he insisted on doing recon missions, his higher ups constantly placed him in situations where fighting was a mandatory task."

"I bet the Organization was smoking something when they were assigning missions."

"While he's not fond of fighting, Demyx is far from helpless. His capabilities with water magic and sitar attacks are enough to keep any enemy busy."

"He can command his water to dance, instantly killing a certain Keyblade wielder after a set time passes. He can also conjure bullet-speed bubbles and lines of hot geysers that follow a beat."

"Playing his sitar in just the right way allows Demyx to release lethal sound waves that can eat away the health of the Heartless."

"Yet, for all the power this guy wields, he's a complete wuss when faced with a challenge."

A cut scene shows Demyx saying, "You shouldn't judge anyone by appearance." Sora, Donald, and Goofy pull out their respective weapons in a ready pose.

"Oh... I told them they were sending the wrong guy," says Demyx to himself.

A gray pony with golden eyes and a bubble cutie mark appears on screen when the title card splits.

"Ditzy Doo AKA Derpy Hooves is one of the many Pegasi that live in Equestria," introduces W, "Though she has been seen working for a delivery service, it is unknown what her official occupation is."

"Holy crap!" exclaims B, "What's wrong with her eyes?" Stats appear as W ignores B's rudeness.

"As a Pegasus, Derpy can manipulate weather. She can easily force a thunder cloud to release lightning, though she doesn't seem to always be able to control which direction the bolts go."

As if to prove that point, we get a cut scene where Rainbow Dash narrowly avoids losing her tail in which she shouts, "Now careful, Derpy!"

"Rumors state that she's been sighted with an earth pony with an hourglass cutie mark," says W, "As shown by this zoomed in section of background."

"Is Derpy another name for Waldo?"

"Like many other ponies, she's quite fascinated with Sugarcube Corner's free samples."

A sound byte and visual clip show Derpy happily saying, "Muffins."

W continues, "She enjoys attending sporting events and basking in sunlight. While she's always willing to lend her support, she is prone to causing property damage and her flank has enough strength to destroy wooden frames and floors."

"Man, I feel sorry for her," says B.

Another cut scene of the cross-eyed Pegasus has her standing by as Rainbow Dash tells her, "In the name of Celestia, just sit there and do nothing." While Derpy obliges, she loses her balance and grabs Rainbow as she falls through the hole in the floor.

"Oops, my bad," apologizes Derpy.

With usual flare, W declares, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

"It's time for a Death Battle!" shouts B.

A wide-open canyon area marks the location of today's battle. The riverbed has long since dried up. We see a tall blond man strumming away on his sitar as he waits. He doesn't have long to wait as his opponent comes flying by in somewhat of a zigzagged path. At one point, her flight seems to be upside down before she quickly rights herself and lands on a cloud.

"FIGHT!"

"Dance, water dance!" cries Demyx as he starts double strumming his sitar. Out of seemingly nowhere, bodies of water that take his general shape appear and start skating around the battlefield. A time counter of one minute appears in the top, left-hand corner of the screen while a counter starting at 100 appears in the top, right-hand corner.

Derpy seems to enjoy the melody that the sitar emits. She starts dancing and bouncing atop the thunder head that she was standing on. Thunder rumbles as electrical bolts are discharged from the cloud. The lightning goes in every which direction. Some of which zaps the Pegasus mid-dance. Others surprisingly hit the multitude of water clones on the field.

The clock ticks the seconds by, but the number counter is going down at a much faster rate. Many of the water clones are exploding into vapors upon being zapped. Soon there is only one clone left skating around, and the lightning comes to a halt. Derpy has electrocuted herself one too many times. She dizzily steps off the cloud. Miraculously, she lands right on top of the remaining clone and obliterates it. Five seconds remain on the time before the clock vanishes.

"Water!" shouts the Melodious Nocturne. Multiple bubbles of pure water materialize and rush toward the enemy. The gray pony shakes herself before realizing what's happening. She lets out a gasp before flying in a haphazard pattern to avoid the orbs of pressurized water. Eventually, the orbs cease fire and Demyx switches tactics.

"Come on!" he calls, "Keep to the beat!" As he strums a beat and dances forward, lines of geysers blast out of the ground in metronomic time with his steps. The poor Pegasus has to fly backwards just to stay out of range. She eventually backs up into a loose section of canyon wall. Part of it starts to crack, and a giant fragment of rock falls out. Derpy looks up in panic before flying forward.

Demyx is so lost in his music, that he doesn't notice the Pegasus fly around and behind him. A sort of spotlight moment happens and Derpy's rear end meets Demyx's back.

"Duwah!" exclaims the sitar player as he's launched away. He manages to regain his footing after sliding a bit.

"Dance, water!" he shouts, but before he can shout the second "dance" a large, round shadow appears above him. One moment, he's wondering how it got so dark. The next, a giant rock fragment has collapsed on top of him.

The screen fades to red and then to black.

---

The faint sound of a heart monitor is heard. The screen lights up like an eye opening, shutting, and then opening again. We see Derpy's face and then the camera pans out to a third-person view. Demyx is lying in a hospital bed and he's covered with white bandaging all over his body.

"I just don't know what went wrong," sighs Derpy sorrowfully while she stands at the bedside.

"K.O.!"

"And that's how the canyon crumbles," states B.

W reflects, "Demyx had relatively more fighting experience, but his attack patterns are predictable and straightforward. Derpy on the other hand was very imprecise and sporadic, making it difficult to find the perfect counter attack. But, the fight was basically over when her destructive rear end dislodged that rock enough to topple onto the distracted sitar player."

"Demyx got crushed by all of his life's failures."

"The winner is Derpy Hooves." Her picture is shown with her name boldly printed underneath.

"Special thanks to Pierce Smoulder for the voice of Derpy."

"Thanks for watching."

---
A/N: Yeah, I decided to let the muffin-lover fight. Is that a problem?
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. And now I must apologize because...

You just got Derp Rolled!

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna fly around and desert you.
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna drop an anvil and hurt you...

Case: Tundra vs. Flames

A/N: Wait! Before you say anything, this is NOT a battle between OCs. However, an OC will make an appearance within the battle itself. It's confusing, but it will make slightly more sense later. Trust me.
...
This was going to be the Alucard chapter. But then I saw a lot of negative attention going toward "Nothing Probably Goes on Forever Too". Excuse me while I give a rant like a stiff. I apologize if this interrupts your usual entertainment schedule. Oh yeah, and spoiler alert.
...
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Capcom.
---

Oh look. I have jury duty. Hooray... *sarcastic deadpan expression*.

We open up with photos of the courtroom and various lawyers.

"If I had a nickel for every time I've been to court," starts B, "I'd have a dime."

"Today we're doing something a little different," says W, "Instead of trying to kill each other, our combatants will battle to determine the life of a client facing charges."

"Ace Attorney Phoenix Wright will take the defense."

"And Princess Luna will be in charge of the prosecution."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

A spiky-haired man wearing a blue suit and red tie enters the screen with a confident smile.

"Phoenix Wright is no stranger to court cases," starts W, "In the fourth grade, he was accused of stealing lunch money and his class held a mock trial where the students unanimously assumed he was guilty. Fortunately for him, Miles Edgeworth and Larry Butz defended him saying that the accusation could not be confirmed without evidence. Since then, Phoenix felt inspired to be a defense attorney, the person people could count on when the world turned against them. He studied art and law at Ivy University."

"Wright has quite an arsenal for someone who doesn't fight," comments B as stats appear, "His basic attack is the 'hold it' which allows him to press witnesses for more detailed information."

"His 'take that' jab allows him to present evidence that reinforces his points in a confrontation."

"But his signature move is the 'objection' which catches most enemies off guard and allows Phoenix to produce arguably solid counter attacks."

"While Phoenix is a formidable man, he is not invincible. If and when he presents the wrong evidence or objects to the wrong statement, Phoenix is momentarily stunned and faces a court penalty."

"Though, I've heard about how he's survived events that would kill other people. Bonks to the head that have killed women in California only give Phoenix amnesia. Falls from high cliffs into freezing river water do nothing to him except give him the flu."

"And he's quite invulnerable in the courtroom as well, surviving everything from hot coffee and wigs to his face and whip lacerations to his body."

"Can anyone say uber?"

"However, Phoenix is not immune to behind-the-scenes schemers. In his last case, he was tricked into presenting forged evidence and disbarred as a lawyer for seven years."

"And he lived like a hobo, playing the piano and poker to make up for his low funds."

"After the long years, he still has a strong influence on the court. He introduced the Jurist System to California Law and has mentored the upcoming Apollo Justice in the ways of the defense attorney."

"I guess he decided to retake the bar exam, because he was kicking plenty of lawbreaker butt in the warring fate of two worlds."

"He certainly hasn't lost his touch."

The cut scene shows Maya Fey hopping around throwing confetti as Phoenix Wright says, "In battle, it's not a question of guilty or not guilty."

A picture of a very shaded purple alicorn pony with a black crown and attire.

"Princess Luna is the younger sister of Celestia and serves as a co-ruling monarch of Equestria," introduces W, "Over 1000 years ago when she felt her night was unappreciated, she let jealousy consume her heart. As Nightmare Moon, she was banished to the moon until the prophecy was fulfilled and the stars aided her escape. The six bearers of Harmony managed to break her free of her darkness and she has had nearly a year to rejuvenate and recover."

"Too bad she didn't pick up modern speech," comments B, "She comfortably shouts at decibels louder than the average pony can listen to without going deaf. Plus, she tends to use 'the royal we' like she shares the opinion of her entire country."

Stats appear as W continues saying, "As an alicorn, her strength and magic are relatively stronger than the average pony. She can easily crack the earth just by stomping on it. Her magic is capable of generating lightning bolts, levitation, transformation, and animating inanimate spiders."

"Though, she's kind of a peacemaker at heart. She tried to reach the hearts of children and gain the approval of handshakes with her subjects. Unfortunately, her habits of old come across as threatening and intimidating. Or maybe that's fortunate, because she can also use those habits to show authority."

"She can open holes in magical shields and can fly for long distances. Her unique magic allows her to raise and lower the moon each night."

"This here is a royal emo."

A deadpan cut scene shows Luna saying, "Forgive me if I withhold my enthusiasm."

"All right," W declares, "the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

"Court's in session!" yells B, "It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!"

The title card splits and the viewers are led to a double door. It opens up to reveal a large courtroom filled with people talking loudly about everything and nothing. This is interrupted by a closeup of a gavel hammering down three times.

"Court is now in session," says Judge Udgey, "Are the presiding parties ready?"

"The defense is ready, your Honor," states the man who is not a porcupine.

"As the prosecution, we are ready," states the tall, dark pony.

"FIGHT!"

"Very well," affirms the judge, "Prosecutor Luna, would you please inform the court about the case?"

"Certainly," states the Princess of the Night, "On the afternoon of May 16, 2012, a terrible crime had taken place. The defendant, Tundra Stanza murdered the genre known to the public as H.I.E. Here is the remains of that damage."

*Flaming comments and sickened photos were added to the Court Record.*

"My goodness!" exclaims his honor, "This is like reliving a nightmare."

"Indeed," agrees Luna.

"So who is your first witness?"

"We believe that the perfect candidate for explanations is the accused perpetrator, Tundra Stanza."

"The defendant? Well, all right. Does the defense object to this?"

"The defense has no objections," states Phoenix with an unreadable expression.

"Very well," says the judge, "Please bring Ms. Stanza to the stand."

---

A black alicorn with a purple mane has taken the stand. Although she has both horn and wings, she is no bigger than the average pony.

"Witness," orders the princess, "Thou shalt offer thy name and thy occupation."

"M-my name is Tundra Stanza," says the small mare nervously, "Uh... I'm a song performer and an author."

"Please give the court a full testimony about thy whereabouts and actions taken on the date in question: May 16."

"U-um, okay."

"I was on my way over to the library with Twilight."
"There had been a really long party prior to that."
"I think that's where I got my cutie mark after discovering my talent for music."
"After we went to bed, I was woken up by the Nightmare blasting me with magic."
"Then I fell unconscious for few hours."

---

"Hm..." contemplates his honor, "There seem to be some things missing from that testimony, but I'll let the defense figure that out. Mr. Wright, if you'd please."

"Yes, your honor," says Phoenix. While on the outside he appears calm, his thought process says otherwise.

Tundra, I can't help you if you're not honest with the court and right now you've let a really big piece of information slip under the radar just to preserve your image. If I don't point it out, the prosecution will and that won't be pretty.

---

"I was on my way over to the library with Twilight."

"Hold it!"

"Who is Twilight?" asks Phoenix.

"Twilight Sparkle," reiterates Tundra, "She's a new friend of mine. She's actually Ponyville's librarian and she actually lives in the library."

"So the library's a house too?"

"OBJECTION!" The camera pans to the source of the Royal Canterlot tone as she continues, "This idle chit-chat hath nothing to do with the case at hand."

"I'm afraid I have to agree," comments Udgey, "Please stay on topic, Mr. Wright."

"Yes, sir," says Wright sheepishly.

"There had been a really long party prior to that."
"I think that's where I got my cutie mark after discovering my talent for music."
"After we went to bed, I was woken up by the Nightmare blasting me with magic."
"Then I fell unconscious for few hours."

Inside the Court Record, Phoenix finds a certain piece of evidence that shows Tundra clearly awake after the magical blast. Phoenix Wright presses y and presents "The Title Drop" hoping for a positive result.

"Objection!"

"You claim you fell unconscious for a few hours," clarifies Wright, "So why does this picture show you wide awake and singing openly during the minute after you were blasted?"

"Augh!" yelps the defendant as one of her feathers go flying, "W-w-wait a sec," she continues, "That's not... I mean..."

"Actually, you don't need to tell me. You were fully awake singing the extended version of the intro theme song, weren't you?"

"How could I slip?" she asks as she folds her wings in shame.

"Well done, Mr. Wright," coolly states the princess, "You've managed to break thine own client."

"But it gives proof that she didn't commit murder that night," counters Phoenix.

"Not in the conventional sense of the word, no," agrees Luna, "However, she has beaten the H.I.E. group to a bloody pulp."

"Objection!"

"You don't have any proof of that. All you've got is a list of internet comments. In a world where anyone can say anything, that means nothing."

"OBJECTION!"

"You don't have any proof of the opposite. Your objections may have more flare, but they lack the proper facts to back them up."

"I can't take this anymore!" screams the mare on the stand, "I'll admit it! I'm a horrible thief."

A shot of Phoenix flashes to a shot of the Judge which flashes to a shot of Luna which flashes back to Tundra Stanza.

"What?" ask various voices in the courtroom though unidentifiable.

The defendant holds her head down as she cries in tears, "I had the idea since February to write about my ventures. But then a hundred stories popped up with similar ideas and then a thousand. There was nothing I could do to make mine original, so I stole concepts and mixed them u-huh-up."

There's an awkward silence in the courtroom aside from the wailing of Tundra.

"Another one of these I see," sighs Udgey, "We'll have to give you a separate trial for that case. Ms. Luna, you'll be in charge of prosecuting then as well."

Phoenix looks like he's sweating while Luna appears wide-eyed.

"Well, I see no reason to continue this case," the judge clears his throat, "I'm ready to declare my verdict. For the case of genre murder, I find Tundra Stanza..."

...

Confetti falls as cheers go around. The gavel slams again.

"Court is adjourned," declares his honor.

"Punishment reduced!"

"Well, if that wasn't colorful language," comments B.

"Both combatants had chords of steel in the courtroom," reflects W, "It even looked like Luna's diplomatic immunity would help her win the case, but Phoenix was able to counter with a few choice 'objections' of his own. In the end, his client gave up and admitted to her crimes, resulting in charges for robbery and copyright infringement."

"But Luna was supposed to get the defense the death penalty for murder so she kind of failed too."

"This Death Battle is a draw." Pictures of Phoenix Wright and Princess Luna are shown side by side with the bold word "DRAW" underneath.

Well how about that? The director pulled together an episode too long with a court case too short. Irony bites.

---
A/N: By the way, my OC was a guy before going into Equestria. Transgender transformations are kind of new to me as an author, but I feel confident that I can make it work. I just have to deal with several comments of negativity. Nothing new, really.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. As always, chapters and updates have no set frequency.

P.S. For those of you wondering why Phoenix didn't recognize the name Twilight, it's because the Phoenix Wright and Friendship is Magic crossover is non-canon. So he wouldn't necessarily know Twilight in my story. Anyway, a big shout out to the user PWaaMLPfim on Youtube. That project looks pretty darn good.

Dilan vs. a Junior Speedster

A/N: Oh, good grief. What have I done? If it's not one thing, it's another. I need mental help.
Oh and *spoiler alert* there's the teeniest, tiniest, bit of a chance that some blood will be spilled. Just thought it would be fair to warn you.
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Square Enix. (Oh, and I guess one line from Sega.)
---

~My kingdom, I'm the knight of the wind.~ *Pop.* Uh... *stashes replica of Caliburn* you saw nothing.

Tornadoes, twisters, and vacuum chambers fill the screen.

"You know, for something we can't see," opens B, "the wind sure packs a punch."

"And today," adds W, "we're pitting two combatants that use the wind to their advantage."

"Xaldin the Whirlwind Master."

"And Gilda the Gryphon."

"Who's up for eagle drumsticks?"

"I'm W and he's B and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

A man with some crazy, long hair braids and wearing a black cloak is shown on screen.

"Xaldin is No. 3 of Organization XIII," introduces W, "Like the rest of the Organization members, he is a Nobody, an empty shell of the original person after his heart was lost to darkness."

"He used to be Dilan," says B, "an apprentice of Ansem the wise and a guard of Radiant Garden. But now, Xaldin is a freaking bad*ss."

Stats appear as W continues, "He wields six lances, long ranged weapons that can somehow float and follow him wherever he moves. He is an elemental wind user capable of levitation and blasting back enemies using over pressurized air at lethal forces. His plan of attack consists of quick, multiple strikes. He can also reshape the pattern of his lances and wind to form a giant dragon-like entity that easily overpowers grounded enemies."

"He's not just a strong fighter. He's also got quite a level in persuasion. Hell, he even turned Beast against Belle and the castle servants in rage."

"Like the Dragoon Nobodies, Xaldin can perform jump attacks which are fairly difficult to dodge without a plan of escape. After he takes life-threatening damage, he can also perform the Limit Break attack known as Dragoon Storm. His lances swirl around him and deliver heavy blows of wind damage."

"Mph. Pfft. 'Heavy blows'. It's too bad for Xaldin that even with all that hot air, he can't take an elbowing from a certain woman when he tries to force a decision."

Indeed, the cut scene reveals Belle performing said elbow punch right into Xaldin's rib cage. She grabs the rose in his possession and then runs off.

"Good one, Belle!" congratulates Keyblade wielder Sora.

The title card parts to reveal a creature with the head and claws of an eagle and the body of a lion.

"Gilda is a gryphon and old friend of Rainbow Dash from their days at summer flight camp," introduces W, "As far back as the tales in Greek mythology, gryphons symbolize courage, power, and majesty."

B points out, "So then why doesn't this gal have a crown?"

Various facts and figures appear as W continues, "A gryphon is a half-lion and half-eagle and can easily display the strength and ferocity of both predators. Gilda is no exception."

"In other words, it looks at you like cat food... or is that bird food?"

"Like nearly every creature capable of flight in Equestria, Gilda can walk and stand on clouds, though actual manipulation of said clouds is still unknown."

"So if I took a pair of clearly fake wings and stood on a cloud in Equestria, I wouldn't fall through?"

"She can jump fairly high and her average flight velocity is only slightly slower than that of Rainbow Dash's average."

"Sounds like my GPA."

"Gilda is fairly aggressive and impatient, though she does try to keep up appearances when around friends. That said, her patience has a very low limit."

"Six party pranks to be exact." A joy buzzer, spicy lemon drops, spittle glass, springs-in-a-box, trick candles, and a misplaced pin-the-tail illustrate B's comment.

"She refuses to take responsibility for any of her actions and has been witnessed committing petty theft, startling the elderly, and roaring down a local's face."

"Here, kitty, kitty!"

The final cut scene shows Gilda saying, "When you decide not to be lame anymore, give me a call."

"All right, the combatants are set," declares W, "Let's settle this debate once and for all."

"Gamefly!" shouts B.

"Wait, what?" Wait, what?

---
A/N: Wait, what?
---

"If you don't want to buy games," says B, "You can just rent games that you'd like to check out on Gamefly. There are no late fees and the monthly fee is relatively low for the quality of games you can find and play. You can rent out as many as 3 at a time by mail and when you're done with one, just send it back to get the next game on your customized list. If you want to keep the game you've rented you can choose to buy it straight from the site at a discounted price. Go to gamefly.com/deathbattle to get a 15-day free trial. But right now, it's time for a DEATH BATTLE!"

Uh... wow. I didn't expect him to throw that in. I thought we were done with ads. Ah, whatever.

The setting for this battle appears to be a very generic, dark, and stone bridge out in front of nowhere. It's apparently nighttime in any case. A black dome that is a corridor of darkness appears briefly before disappearing to reveal a man. He's wearing a black coat and his hairs are all in long braids. Meanwhile from the other side of the screen, a cartoon-like gryphon flies in before landing on her feet creating a large booming noise from the stone bridge.

"FIGHT!"

"Where's the fun in this?" asks Xaldin. He pulls out four lances out of thin air and holds them while two others float diagonally behind him. Blustery winds seem to follow his command and levitate him. Gilda looks unimpressed and then flares her wings in anticipation of a fight. She even lifts an index claw in a taunting "come and get me" motion.

No. 3 takes the bait and charges in with swirling lances. His lances swing through the air in various cutting motions. It's almost like he's dancing with the wind... if the wind consisted of knives. The gryphon for her part is managing quite well to avoid the direct sweeping attacks. She leaps over a low sweep, flies back from a lance twirl, and cleverly ducks under a few high, diagonal strikes.

Xaldin alters his attack pattern slightly by jumping into the air. He almost seems to vanish before reappearing directly above his enemy and dives with air pressurized underneath two of his lances. The sudden wind blast to the head stuns Gilda as she's smacked into the stone bridge that she was standing on. The Whirlwind Master performs another jump-and-dive attack and a few feathers are knocked clean off of the gryphon's head.

The organization member decides to jump again, but this time he does not disappear. Instead, his lances seem to encase tornadoes in a long serpentine form as he rides on its "head". It circles above the bridge a few times before holding a position on the left side of it.

"Wear the face of despair!" Xaldin calls. The serpent-shaped vacuum opens its "mouth" and releases a long stream of wind at high velocity. It makes a long sweeping motion starting from one end of the bridge as it heads toward the other. Xaldin's intent appears to be to hit the enemy along the way.

Gilda starts recovering from the earlier hits and shakes her head a few times. She then notices the wide, sideways tornado heading in her direction. Quickly, she starts flapping her wings and manages to fly high above where said tornado was aiming. She immediately follows up with a dive toward the man. Apparently, he had forgotten that she was capable of flight. Claws meet chest as Gilda rams Xaldin into the bridge. Feral instincts set in as she continues to swipe her claws against him.

He has taken much damage, but the Whirlwind Master still has one trick left.

With a flash of nearly invisible blue light, Xaldin is back on his feet and his lances circle around him creating wind bursts covering a five-foot radius. The gryphon who had been attacking on instinct is caught off guard and entangled by the sudden rushes of air. More feathers fly as Gilda is forced back a few feet.

With a single toss, the Whirlwind Master throws one of his lances in a javelin style and uses his wind to exponentially raise its speed. The sound effect of flesh being pierced is heard. A few squirts of blood leak out of her chest and back as Gilda falls in a heap. The lance has pierced her heart.

"K.O.!"

"D**n," says B, "That was a Death Battle."

"Aggressiveness is a trait shared by Xaldin and Gilda," reflects W, "But Xaldin's lack of a heart prevented any emotions from clouding his thoughts. He had a superior advantage in range right from the start. Even though Gilda managed to dodge some of Xaldin's more impressive attacks, her predatory nature led her rage to blind her. In the end, she wasn't prepared for Xaldin's Limit Break Dragoon Storm leaving her wide open for the final attack."

"Xaldin really blew her away."

"The winner is Xaldin." A picture of Xaldin appears with his name boldly printed underneath.

"Stay tuned for more battles to the death."

"Thanks for watching."

---
A/N: Huh. Now I feel kind of guilty. Maybe I'll make up for it by making sure no one dies in the next chapter. I don't know.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit for this. I honestly don't know if that Gamefly offer is still available.

Bats! Bats On My Face!

A/N: Seriously, what am I doing? This character kind of doesn't exist except for maybe two minutes on the screen and I'm putting her in a Death Battle situation. And THEN I put her against the most uber possible opponent I could possibly find in all of anime.
*Sigh.* Okay, you know what? Fine. Let's just roll with this for a while. I'll live. Surely I can regain some of my sanity in other aspects of my life.
...
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Funimation Entertainment.
---

So... this episode will equate to Dracula versus the Freakazoid? Huh.

Various insane faces and fanged mouths cross the screen.

"You know what the best monster is?" asks B rhetorically, "Vampires! Those blood-suckers are freaking nuts and we love 'em for it."

W adds, "This time on Death Battle, we're taking one of anime's most bloodthirsty vampires and pitting him against a foe that's been thought to be just as crazy by her fandom."

"Alucard, the nosferatu on the right side of 600 years."

"Will face Pinkamena Diane Pie, the delirious, depressed pony."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

The title card parts to reveal what looks like a white man wearing sunglasses and a red-brimmed hat.

"Born in 1431," starts W, "Alucard has gone by many names including Count Dracula and Vlad III Dracula. In 1944, he was dubbed Alucard by Arthur Hellsing, his new master. Then in 1989 when Arthur died and he had named his daughter Integra the head of the Hellsing Organization, Alucard's servitude transferred to her."

"Man," comments B, "My head hurts just thinking about it." Various facts appear on screen as W continues.

"Alucard was sent as Hellsing's most powerful agent to eliminate a vampire in the village of Cheddar. There, he confronted and shot the vampire priest before rescuing the life of police woman Seras Victoria, turning her into a vampire."

"Hey! If there's any chick vampires out there, can you 'rescue' me?"

"Alucard seems to hold a long rivalry with the Vatican priest Alexander Anderson. Though they hold opposite morals, they share a certain blood lust in trying to kill each other on a regular basis."

"Nothing says brotherly love like decapitation."

"Alucard has a plethora of powers and abilities even for most vampires. He has an ambiguous immortality, which has been speculated to relate to the reservoir of souls he's devoured to keep himself alive. But his regeneration is capable of bringing his physical body back to full strength even when he had no souls left to use. It's brought him back after being shredded to pieces, spilled in blood, and burned to ashes."

"I guess you could say, 'It's magic. He ain't got to explain *ess*t."

"He has enhanced abilities like superhuman accuracy, strength, speed, reflexes, and agility."

"He can phase through walls with intangibility, manipulate shadows, shape-shift, control weather, create illusions, teleport, use telepathy, read minds, summon blood soul familiars, and oh yes. He can suck blood."

"After absorbing Schrodinger during the Millennium incident, Alucard gained the ability to manipulate quantum reality, giving him a state of omnipresence."

"But even with all these crazed up, supernatural powers, that's still not enough for this nosferatu."

"That's right. Alucard has several centuries' worth of combat experience to expand his battle strategies. His weapons of choice are the Hellsing ARMS .454 Casull Auto and Hellsing ARMS 13 mm Auto "Jackal" pistols. They fire silver and mercury-core bullets respectively."

"And we haven't even mentioned his Release States."

"Alucard has six restriction states that, when taken to lower levels, allow him to reach deep down to some of his greater powers. It is believed that Integra holds direct authority over the 'Cromwell Approval' though this authority seems to be absent in the manga."

"Whew. I'm getting worn out just listening to all this stuff about him."

A cut scene shows Alucard saying, "I get it. There's absolutely no reasoning with you people which leaves me with no choice but to keep killing until there are none of you left standing."

The title screen parts to show a familiar pink pony. But something seems off about her.

"When she feels extremely depressed and alone," says W, "Pinkie Pie's mane becomes straighter and her coat loses its tint leaving behind the gloomy Pinkamena Diane Pie."

"And I thought this pony was insane when she was cotton candy," says B. Facts appear on the right of the screen as W continues.

"Pinkamena is on the borderline of her sanity. She attempts to give the same flare to party throwing as her happy counterpart with little success. She has fooled herself into thinking that a pile of rocks, a bucket of turnips, a lint ball, and a sack of flour are her 'real' friends."

"She even has a different tone of voice to animate each of them."

"While the rumors of her murderous nature are non-canon, she is known to have more physical strength than she does normally."

"She has enough muscle in her behind to crush a pony's head and to resist pushing forces."

"Though, she is just as capable as her joyful self to levitate upside down in midair, indicating that she still has the 4th wall breaking capabilities."

"She just doesn't enjoy it as much as Pinkie."

"Theory states that Pinkamena's existence began with her life on the rock farm, being buried temporarily at the sight of the sonic rainboom. Then she reappeared when her friends started avoiding her."

"And that's about all we've got on the hacksaw pony."

"B!"

"What? Oh... forget the hacksaw part."

A disturbing background scene shows Pinkamena saying, "Oh, they're not so bad," before her eyes perform two and a half derps. (Shout-out to Otaku Ascended for counting it that way.)

W declares openly, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B yells, "Let's get ready for a DEATH BATTLE!"

The setting is completely covered in darkness. For the sake of argument, we'll assume its a large empty room. Two spotlights flash on right after the other. They illuminate and reveal the forms of a man wearing a red fedora and a faded-pink pony.

"FIGHT!"

"What do we have here?" ponders the vampire out loud. He walks over to the other presence in the room. He leans down on one knee and takes a good, long look at the sad pony.

"I'm all alone," whimpers Pinkamena, "My friends... are gone. My life's passion is empty. There's nothing left for me. All I can do is wait around for death."

Alucard continues staring with an unreadable expression. He seems to consider something for a few seconds before he speaks again.

"I suppose you have choice then. Would you wait for a slow, painful death or would you rather accept the gift of vampirism?"

For a pony who's passion is supposedly empty, Pinkamena's eyes seem to light up as she punches Alucard in a 'shoryuken' fashion.

"A vampire? Are you crazy?" she nearly shouts, "I'd never join you!"

Surprisingly, the nosferatu's sunglasses and hat have vanished without a trace. His head cracks back into the upright position with a few loud pops. His red eyes glow as he laughs.

"Such a strong and defiant determination," he comments, "I like it!" He bares his fangs briefly in a grin before the spotlights that were shining on him seem to fade. What we can see are his white gloves held out in a strange hand sign. Multiple eyes appear on his shadowy silhouette before they blink shut.

Pinkamena calls on the powers from beyond comprehension pulling out a silver-bullet pistol. Somehow, she starts firing it at the darkness. A few shots actually hit Alucard's disfigured eye-form. But it too starts firing bullets from a Casull Auto pistol. The 4th wall breaking pony impossibly dodges the explosive pellets and hangs an upside-down levitated stance. The lights turn out completely as the vampire re-assumes his humanoid form.

We hear footsteps in a random direction. A blur of shaded pink falls down from the dark ceiling and there's a piercing noise. When the lights flash on, Pinkamena can be seen stabbing a silver two-handed sword through Alucard's stomach area.

"Really?" asks the vampire, "Really?" The pink pony pulls back. Although blood spills from the cut, the man's skin and suit regenerate at an alarming rate.

Alucard dons his fedora and sunglasses in disappointment.

"It seems only a human can rid the world of monsters," he sighs. He slowly walks out of the camera's view not looking back.

Pinkamena Diane Pie is all alone soaking in her misery. She drops her blade into her nonexistent inventory and resumes her doom-and-gloom posture. The spotlight shining on her soon buzzes a few times before blinking out.

"K.O.!"

"What the hell did I just watch?" asks B in bewilderment.

"Well, technically, Alucard had access to darker magic and more regenerative power. So he had the advantage, but then he left the battle field meaning the only surviving combatant left in the ring is Pinkamena."

"What a rip. I want a refund!"

"The winner is Pinkamena Diane Pie." A depressing photo of the pink earth pony is shown on screen with her full name printed underneath.

"Special thanks to takahata101 for providing the voice of Alucard."

"Thanks for watching.

---
A/N: In a direct confrontation, Alucard would easily overwhelm anyone. For all his canon appearances and capabilities, he's invincible. Nobody can compete with invincible. Yeah, sorry if this lacked the humor of previous chapters.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. Next time, I'm hoping for a slightly more positive chapter. Though, I don't know for sure if that will be the case.

The Strong, Silent Type

A/N: *Sigh.* All right. Let's get this over with. Until the show gets some more antagonists, expect more of these improbable good guy vs. good guy fights.
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Nintendo.
---

...

I'm speechless.

Various characters from various media fill the screen.

"They say actions speak louder than words," starts B, "Well, if that's true than guys like these must be really loud."

"Like Big Macintosh of Ponyville's Apple Family," says W.

"And Link the hero of Hyrule."

"He's B and I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

A muscular, red, and cartoon stallion enters the screen wearing a large yoke around his neck.

"Aside from Granny Smith, Big Macintosh is the oldest family member on Sweet Apple Acres," introduces W.

"He's a man of few words and he means every one of them," states B matter of fact. Stats appear about Big Macintosh while W keeps talking.

"He doesn't run financial business. That's Applejack's turf. But he does pull his own weight plowing fields and bucking apple trees with possibly more than twice the strength that Applejack wields. Once, he even managed to pull an oxen-pulled anvil cart and an entire house with just his forward jumping momentum."

"I've heard of Red Bull, but Red Pony? That's ridiculous."

"For the most part, Big Mac calm and collected. He holds wisdom beyond that of her sisters and he prioritizes his family above himself."

"It's been hinted at that Macintosh is a bit of a repair man, though that remains to be seen. Speaking of things yet to be seen, I still want to know what happened off screen that allowed that stallion to create a huge explosion that blew back an entire pony mob."

"It's no exaggeration to say that he will use force when he deems it necessary, whether that means telling off three fillies for printing negative gossip about him or if it means obtaining a specific toy doll that he's fond of."

"He's a girl toy... that plays with girl toys. ...TOYCEPTION!"

There's a bit of a song cut scene where Sweetie Belle says, "Oh please, oh please, oh please say..."

"Nope," replies Big Macintosh. The Cutie Mark Crusaders let out a delighted gasp.

A man with an elven appearance and wearing a green outfit enters the screen.

"Whether he's part of two timelines or of multiple universes," starts W, "Link can immediately be recognized as the young savior of Hyrule."

"He never says anything but he means everything he shouts," comments B. Facts and figures appear to the right as W continues.

"Humble yet brave, Link is the rightful bearer of the legendary Triforce of Courage. It gives him the destiny of fighting off monsters and enemies that would make most others run away in fear."

"Destiny sucks."

"Link's primary weapon is the Master Sword AKA the 'Blade of Evil's Bane' which, as its name implies, can destroy evil. Over the years, he has learned several techniques with the sword to take on just about any foe."

"For defense, Link wields the Hylian Shield. It's perfect for warding off fire and minor frontal attacks."

"He also has a large inventory space where he keeps bombs, bows, arrows, water bombs, a ball and chain, the gale boomerang, a fishing rod, a lantern, oil for said lantern, and a hookshot."

"Yeah, screw sensibility. Let's let the protagonist carry everything all at once."

"There was also a point where Link came in contact with the Twilight Realm giving him the power to transform into a wolf. However, this ability was only possible with the aid of Midna and he cannot do so naturally."

"Oh well. When you've got an invisible backpack holding all sorts of weapons, I guess you don't need claws and fangs. Give me the hookshot any day."

"One of Link's most powerful attacks is the Triforce Slash. It targets an enemy with overlaying designs of the Triforce and allows Link to strike multiple times before sending the enemy flying. Any enemy caught in the slashes also suffers this fate."

"Looks like everyone's blasting off again!"

"While Link is smart enough to solve several different puzzles in the various temples, he doesn't seem to have any way out of helping Princess Zelda when she beckons for help."

"I've said it before and I'll say it again. Put out already, lady!"

The last cut scene doesn't need any spoken dialogue. Link delivers the finishing blow with his master sword as he jumps above Ganondorf's fallen body. The rest of the few seconds are filled with Ganondorf's deep scream.

"All right," declares W, "The combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all."

"Screw Attack Advantage program!" shouts B.

"... Are you done?"

"Yeah. Time for a Death Battle!"

Looks like we're back to open field settings. There's nothing but grass on the ground on a bright sunny day. The red farm pony enters from the left of the screen as the elven man enters from the right. No words are spoken. Simple nods from either combatant signify that they are ready.

"FIGHT!"

Link wastes no time and closes the distance between them. Within one foot, he performs a spinning slash with his sword. Big Macintosh flinches but only for a second. He turns slightly before giving Link a buck. The sheer force from the kick knocks Link over and onto his back.

He grunts a little as he stands back up. He pulls out his Hero's Bow and fires an arrow. The stallion manages to turn just enough so that the arrow bounces off his yoke. He gallops forward. Link for his part starts throwing every ranged attack in his arsenal. Big Mac dodges a hookshot aimed to his right, a ball and chain thrown to his left, and a few bombs thrown around him. He's still charging strong.

Link then pulls out his Gale Boomerang and tosses it in his opponent's direction. Initially the tornado-like gust manages to lift the red farmer pony off his hooves and he hangs about a foot off the ground. But eventually the wind subsides as the boomerang returns to its thrower. Big Mac lands with nary a scratch and continues galloping.

The elf decides to take his chances and wields his shield proudly in front of himself. In range, Big Mac delivers a kick to the shield. While it does push Link back a few inches, he isn't fazed. He side-step rolls around the stallion and delivers an upward slash with his sword. Big Mac backs away from Link as the bruises he's taken start tolling on his health.

Both honest fighters are feeling tired right now as illustrated by their heavy breaths. With a bright yellow flash on the elf's hand, he launches into his final attack. Two triangular patterns appear around the stallion as the hero of Hyrule delivers several, rapid-fire slashes in diagonal motions. As he pauses for the final slash, Big Mac manages to shake his head to free himself of the dizziness, though not from the Triforce patterns.

For some reason, the camera pans to the left where we can't see the fighters. There's a white flash of smoke before we see Link flying away at an unbelievable pace. He screams as he soon disappears in a twinkle. Quickly panning to the right, the camera follows Big Mac following a similar flight path but in the opposite direction. The stallion lets out a much deeper yell as he too disappears in a star-like twinkle.

What just happened?

"Double K.O.!"

"Well, that was action packed!" comments B, "But what the hell happened there?"

"It was clear that Big Macintosh had an advantage in strength," reflects W, "And that Link had an advantage in strategy and variety. Both of them used their advantages expertly in this fight. But the raw power of their colliding final attacks made sure neither of them left this battle unscathed."

"Looks like they both found their place in the stars."

"This Death Battle is a draw." Pictures of both contestants appear with the bold word "DRAW" underneath.

Credits roll as the Death Battle closing theme plays.

Thanks for watching.

---
A/N: Whew. Thirty chapters already in just over a month. If you had told me that's what was going to develop a month ago, I would have looked at you like you were crazy, but here we are.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. I'm sure the combatants are both fine.
...probably.

Chapter 31: Outtake #18

Warning: The following may include a spoiler to the author's story "Nothing Probably Goes on Forever Too". It will also deviate from certain regulations that the author had previously established.
If this is problematic for you, please leave.
Thank you, and have a nice day.

Two alicorn mares, one black with an eighth note cutie mark and one white with evergreen armor, take their seats.

Tundra: Hello, every pony. Welcome to The Moment No Pony was Waiting For. Due to a rather embarrassing realization, the director won't be here today. Instead, Shirayuki here and I will cover director commentary. Say hello, Shirayuki.

Shirayuki: Pleased to make your acquaintance, viewers.

Tundra: Without further ado, let's begin.

Shirayuki: Primary properties belong to Hasbro and Screw Attack.
---

Boy, it sure feels weird having two directors, let alone alicorn directors. Oh, well. Another day, another battle.

Adventurers of various sorts take up the view of the screen.

Wait, hold up. What are those two doing in in the hosts' seats?

"I love a watching a good adventure," states F, "And besides myself, I'd have to say the best adventurer is the famous Indiana Jones."

"R-really?" squeaks N, "B-because I think that the story book character Daring Do was a terrific adventurer. No offense."

"Well then, there's only one way to settle this."

"How?"

"By throwing them into a death defying situation that will prove once and for all who the greatest is."

"Y-you don't mean..."

"She's N and I'm F and it's her job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

"W-wait, what's your job?"

"To sit here and grab a smoke."

"Oh."

"Nah, I'm just messing with you. I'll help analyze every... few lines. You're welcome."

"Um, thank you?"

A bearded man wearing a hat, jacket, and holding a whip is shown on screen.

N nervously levitates her papers in front of herself and reads, "D-Dr. Henry Walton Jones, Jr. also known as 'Indiana' is a serial treasure hunter who's ventures are funded by Marshall College in Connecticut. Here, he works as a professor of archaeology."

"Or Barnett College, depending on if you watched in 1981 or 1989," intercepts F.

"R-right. Dr. Jones didn't just become an treasure hunter for no reason. His earliest ventures started in 1912 alongside his father. It was on these adventures that he gained a chin scar, ophidiophobia (fear of snakes), his hat, a bullwhip, and his nickname 'Indiana'."

"Courtesy of the family dog."

"Since then, some of his accomplishments include saving children and the Sankara stones from the Thuggee cult, keeping the Ark of the Covenant out of Nazi possession, preventing Nazi mystics from getting the Holy Grail."

"You hear that? It's because of Indy that Judaism and Christianity can even exist."

"F! Don't be mean."

"I'm not. I'm stating the facts."

"S-sorry, he's not usually like this."

"Yes I am and I'm PROUD of it!"

"A-anyway, Dr. Jones also managed to get the crystal skull out of Soviet agents' possession."

F is silent while he puffs away at his magically lit cigarette.

"His trademark weapon is the 450 series bullwhip. It's made from kangaroo hide and can be used to wrap around various things like stalactites and loose objects. Alternatively, it can be used to deliver a stunning hit."

"Whether it's a laceration or just the snapping sound effect."

"Dr. Jones also carries a Post World War I revolver which has changed design over the years. But now it can be confirmed that it is a Webley 1896 W.G. Army revolver, which fires .45 caliber ammunition. His experience in the Office of Strategic Services and as a United States Army Colonel back up his capabilities in intelligence-gathering and gunfights."

"I'd like to see Daring Do stand up to that."

"At least let me introduce her before you throw insults."

A scene shows Indiana Jones complaining, "Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes."

A pith helmeted Pegasus with a gray mane appears on screen.

"Uh oh," says F, "Did some pony forget to color Rainbow Dash?"

"A-Actually," stutters N, "This is Daring Do, the main character of an entire book series. Her name is a play on the phrase derring-do which means 'brave, adventurous, and often reckless actions'."

"Hmm... nope, don't like her. Only I can be brave and adventurous."

N whispers, "...and reckless."

"What was that?"

"When she was introduced in Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone, she had injured her wing. But since then, it's assumed that it healed later in the series."

"Assumptions lead to mistakes. Mistakes lead to the grave."

"..."

"What? Am I not allowed to be philosophical once in a while?"

"Anyway, Daring has lightning fast reflexes and is capable of avoiding several lethal traps, similar to Dr. Jones' history."

"Similar doesn't mean *ess*t."

"She also has a watchful eye and a mind for puzzles. She can see patterns that most onlookers would never catch onto within the first minute."

"Indy could solve that puzzle in half the time."

"While she isn't readily able to take on multiple enemies of various strength, she can always find a way to escape overly convoluted, overkill traps."

"Let's see her military experience and her escape from the giant boulder. Then we'll talk."

"Are you finished?"

"Maybe..."

The cut scene shows Daring Do safely stowing the Sapphire Stone before calling, "Better luck next time, Ahuizotl!"

"All right," N states with a bit more confidence, "the combatants are all set. Let's settle the debate for once and always."

F hollers, "Let's get ready for a Death Battle!"

Strangely, the two combatants will not face each other, at least not initially. What is shown is a split screen where the treasure hunters will have to navigate and maneuver several puzzles and traps in order to obtain similar items. Then they'll have to get out of there alive. After that... well, you'll see. The Pegasus with a compass cutie mark and the man known to whip are at the first part of their respective stations.

"FIGHT!"

The first task appears to be deciphering hieroglyphics of some sort. After studying the ancient pictures, they seem to light up in a specific pattern, one square at a time. Then after that, both combatants reach a limb to touch the glyphs in that same pattern. Nothing seems to happen for a bit, but then a secret wall slides open revealing a hidden path. Daring Do flies through hers, while Indiana Jones steps lively through his.

They come across a giant, dark chasm. There are spikes deep at the bottom. Daring easily flaps her wings and flies over the division. Meanwhile, Indy finds a stalactite and snaps his whip to form a makeshift pendulum swing across the pit. Both treasure hunters land on the other side and continue on their way.

In the next room, they barely stop in time for the ceiling to drop a stone pillar in their way. It rises slowly until it returns to its original position. But within an instant, it's back on the ground. After seeing this pattern of vertical motions, Jones and Do take a forward dive as the pillar is in its "up" position. The pillar just misses hitting their rear ends (in Daring's case, her tail). Smaller pillars follow similar patterns ahead in the hallway. Around these, Indiana and Daring simply run and zigzag.

The split screen disappears and it seems that the two adventurers enter opposite sides of the same room. At the center lies a stairway pyramid leading to the resting treasure: the Eye of Agamotto. It moves as though it is in a living vessel but it remains shut like a sleeper's. It's kind of hypnotizing despite the fact that it is closed.

The hunters spot gaze at their target as they slowly approach the stairway. On opposite sides, they can't see each other until they start reaching for the Eye. At this point, Indy notices the tan hoof when Daring notices the hand. Their surprise is redirected again as a blue hand reaches from above them and grabs the Eye while they are distracted. The old nemesis Ahuizotl stands by a Nazi before both antagonists escape through an unseen corridor.

Our heroes must now face the unfortunately triggered trap. Boa constrictors and cobras start falling from the ceiling. Both treasure hunters immediately run for the conveniently placed doorway that closes after they head through. They're out of the frying pan and into the oven.

A giant boulder chases the adventurers as they gallop and run toward the cameraman. At this point, the footage gets weird leaving motion pictures for slide show projections. They depict an escape, a short battle sequence with the Nazi and Ahuizotl, and a proud Indiana Jones holding the Eye of Agamotto high as he rides Daring Do's back as she flies into the distance.

"FRIENDSHIP!"

"Friendship? Again?"

"I liked that," says N with a smile.

"Well I didn't! That was a rip-off," grumbles F.

"What do you mean?"

"They solved their usual puzzles and found the treasure but didn't kill each other. What is this?"

"Well, at l-least no pony got hurt."

"And that's what's wrong!"

"You're kind of strange."

"Says the reincarnation of Nightmare."

"*Sigh*. This Death Battle is a draw." Pictures of both Daring Do and Indiana Jones show up on screen with the bold word "DRAW" underneath.

F whispers, "Bull*ess*t. Indiana would have won any day."

"What was that?" stares N accusingly.

F whistles an out-of-tune song before sticking another cigarette in his mouth.

The Indiana Jones franchise was created by George Lucas and Paramount Pictures.

Thanks for watching.

---
Tundra: I've just received a letter from the director. It seems he really won't touch this story again until the third season.

Shirayuki: What a shame.

Tundra: Yeah. Oh well. Hope you readers enjoyed this episode and we'll see you next time. Say goodbye, Shirayuki.

Shirayuki: A pleasant farewell to all of you.

Tundra: Eh, close enough. Properties belong to their respective owners. The director gains no profit from this. So long.

Let's start with a BANG

Please make sure the Formatting setting in the top right is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: Okay, I'm going to try out some new formatting for this and future chapters. I'm only going to show this key once so pay attention.

This color is what W is saying.

This color is what B is saying.

This color is what the narrator and other characters will speak in.

Underlined links like this will indicate a link that I suggest opening in another tab.

This color will mainly be reserved for Death Battle words like "Fight" and "K.O."

A multicolor word will usually be reserved for special instances such as "Friendship."

Other colors may appear for special occasions but they will be few and far between.

All right, now that I've gotten the text heavy exposition out of the way, let's get started with... well, more text heavy exposition. This is a fan fiction after all.
Properties used in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Nintendo.
I gain no profit from this.
---

Hey, folks! Great to see you again. Well, technically I can't really see you but you know what I mean. Anyway, it's wonderful to see Season 3 of MLP:FiM up and running. I hope you're ready to see characters duke it out in the ring because that's what we're here for.

Creatures of the sky that soar on wings like eagles fill the screen and change up with other pictures of winged beasts.

There's no question that heaven and sky have been the canvases of the arts for generations.

Today, I think we might just paint them red from our flying contestants.

Rainbow Dash, the Element of Loyalty...

... and Pit, captain of Heaven's army.

I'm W and he's B and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

The original face of the brony community appears in all seven of her glowing colors.

Rainbow Dash
-A loyal and steadfast friend
-Pegasus pony
-Bearer of the Element of Harmony: Loyalty
-Can reach mach 5 and even mach 10 flight speeds
-Has a need for speed and flight
-Competitive and brash, arrogant and cocky
-Sonic Rainboom, Buccaneer Blaze, Rainblow Dry, weather manipulation

We're going to go ahead and assume that you missed this girl's previous Death Battles and give you a full rundown.

A flight school dropout, Rainbow Dash has taken up work as Ponyville's weather manager. As a Pegasus pony in Equestria, she can naturally alter weather conditions. She can clear through clouds simply by hitting them or use their contents. She can utilize a cloud's lightning and precipitation and she can create tornadoes.

It's a frigging girl horse toy on a frigging girl's show. I am not falling for it.

Judging from the mach cone that appears around her at top speeds, she is able to penetrate the sound barrier. She easily reaches mach 5 while somehow not burning up from the resulting air resistance. After breaching mach 5, she can then use her signature technique: the Sonic Rainboom. It simultaneously breaks sound barriers and the visible light spectrum enabling Dash to fly at mach 10 speeds.

The sheer vibrations from the Sonic Rainboom can split solid rock and shake mountains. It can even be used to the same effect as a nuclear bomb if used close enough to the ground. Though, living organisms are still alive after the shock waves pass them.

Additionally, she also has a few other moves including the Buccaneer Blaze which is somehow able to create a bluish white explosion while off screen.

She may be a bit forceful when talking to others and she's a bit of a sore loser. Hell, she cheated in a race for best athlete.

Despite this, she's a caring friend that's willing to try and sympathize with a fellow pony that's feeling under the weather.

I see what you did there.

... and she's willing to see loyalty in her pet tortoise Tank over another animal's physical qualities.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Why is a cartoon pony so awesome?

"Danger is my middle name: Rainbow Danger Dash."

A boy with angel wings and a double-bladed sword takes the screen.

Pit
-Kid Icarus
-Head of the Guard in Palutena's Army
-Carries the Sacred Bow of Palutena which can split into two swords
-Wields the Three Sacred Treasures: Arrow of Light, Mirror Shield, and Wings of Pegasus
-Can fire homing, light-speed projectiles
-Confident, fearless, humorous, reckless, naive, and good hearted

Whew! That is one hot chick!

Um, B? You do realize that Pit is a guy, right?

Say what?!

Long ago, the goddess of darkness Medusa was punished for drying up crops and turning people into stone. Palutena, the goddess of light, transformed Medusa into a monster before banishing her from Angel Land.

Medusa got all pissed, teamed up with the Underworld, turned Palutena's forces into stone, and took over Angel Land.

Having no other hope, Palutena turned to the warrior Pit and helped free him from the Underworld dungeon. She gave him a bow with a somehow limitless number of arrows. And after taking down enemies through Overworld and Skyland, Pit defeated Medusa and received new armor, an older body, and a kiss from Palutena herself.

If he's already hit puberty, why does his voice still sound so high?

Along his travels, Pit has collected the Three Sacred Treasures. The Light Arrows are the strongest ranged weapons in his arsenal, capable of piercing through any enemy.

The Mirror Shield deflects enemy projectiles and can reflect Medusa's stone-cold glance.

And the Wings of Pegasus allow Pit to fly for an indefinite amount of time.

While he may be captain of Heaven's army, we're not letting him have his summon ability in this Death Battle. It's our show and we say "One-on-one means one-on-one".

Pit may be good hearted and have a good sense of humor, but he tends to be recklessly overconfident and quite possibly has Thor's superiority complex.

Which makes me like this guy all the more.

"I'm not an intern. I'm a messenger of the gods!"

All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

Rainbow Dash waits on a platform of clouds. She taps her hoof on the cloud impatiently. Finally in the distance, another winged figure decides to show up.

"Sorry to keep you waiting!" hollers Pit as he takes a stand on the long patch of cloud.

"Ready?" asks Rainbow Dash.

FIGHT!

Separating his bow, Pit raises his two swords and charges in for the first attack. With a quick reaction, Rainbow flaps her wings and narrowly avoids getting sliced. She then proceeds to fly around in a pattern of fast passes. Pit attempts to defend himself with the Mirror Shield. Despite this precaution, a flurry of seven-colored trails cause him to flinch and slide around on the cloud.

Pit reattaches his blades into one piece and starts twirling it next to him. He lets out a familiar war cry.

"Hyayaya!"

Rainbow comes in for another pass but she gets knocked up by multiple hits from the bow. She somersaults backwards before flapping her wings to readjust her aerial position. She zooms off and starts racing around a group of clouds. After the clouds are spinning at speeds that Rainbow feels are satisfactory, she kicks each of them in toward Pit's position.

Pit takes his bow and pulls back his other arm. He aims an arrow of light and fires it off. The camera cuts to the incoming clouds. We see each and every one of the clouds get dispersed by a light arrow piercing.

"You're not ready!" he taunts.

Grunting in frustration, Rainbow Dash dives in and uses the power that she can now use on command. Her Sonic Rainboom explodes and disperses all the clouds in Pit's general vicinity. However, he immediately responds by triggering his Wings of Pegasus. He hovers in the air with a smug look on his face.

Rainbow turns around and attempts to deliver more kicks. Pit manages to counter and parry by dividing his bow back into blades. This clash of blows continues for the next few seconds.

Suddenly, widescreen bars narrow the view that the audience can see before revealing a terrible event. Pit is too close in Rainbow's personal space... oh, and he seems to have sliced off the bone area attaching one of Rainbow's wings.

Realizing that she barely has seconds, Rainbow bites hard into Pit's wing and aims herself as straight down as possible. At his awkward angle, Pit can only repeatedly swing the flat end of his blades against Rainbow's head. Unfortunately for both of them, this only encourages gravity to pull more on her body. The speck of land is growing larger now.

Rainbow lands face first into the ground and- HOLY CRAP! That multi-colored explosion is huge! We can't see anything but smoke and debris flying everywhere.

...

As the smoke finally dies out, the camera zooms in on the unmoving Rainbow Dash in the crater-

"Oof!"

What the? Pit just collided with the lens and he's falling out of the visual.

"K.O.!"

I...I'm speechless.

It was clear that Pit had the advantage in melee and ranged attacks early on. Rainbow may have more speed, but her impatience and rushing attitude made overcoming the strategist Pit impossible.

Still, Pit made quite a few mistakes that prevented him from winning either. He tried using the Mirror Shield, but probably anyone could've told him that it's useless against non-ranged attacks.

And his overconfidence blindsided him from seeing the possibility of Rainbow Dash taking desperate last-minute measures.

Looks like Heaven and the weather team are going to need new captains.

This Death Battle is a draw.

Next time on Death Battle...

"I'm the T to the W-I-L-I-G-H-T and ain't no other pony troll it up like me. I'm Twilightlicious."

Who could possibly try to best Princess Celestia's personal student in the way of literature?

*chuckles* After all, he's only number 6.

---
A/N:

1. One side of the battle must exist in the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic cartoon. Fan characters and OC will not be used unless there is enough irrefutable information that cannot be argued against. So OP ponies like Nyx and Alicorn Twilight Sparkle are disqualified. Facts about their abilities are a bit blurred.

2. One side of the battle must exist in a canonical outside source and/or be an actual person that has enough information that can be easily obtained and visualized.

3. Powers that have been given to a character in another fan fiction but not in the show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic are not given to the characters in this particular work. I'd like these battles to be as "realistic" as possible. It's a sort of insurance that the battles are fair even in the face of biased opinions.

4. Pinkie Pie can break rule 3 whenever she wants. I cannot control that pony. She is so random that the walls with larger numbers than four are starting to show signs of wear and tear.

Hi, every pony!

Ugh. See what I mean? No control.

5. Certain chapters may suffer OOC, a rare disease that only affects stories that wish to provide humor in a way that may or may not actually be amusing to the audience. Viewer discretion is advised.

Anyway, now that I've gotten the gist of the rules out of the way, I'm going to offer some friendly advice.

If at any point you find yourself not liking the way I write this for any reason,... I recommend that you go do something else instead of wasting your time reading what you may very well be calling a piece of crap. I'm only human. I'm going to make mistakes every once in a while. It's an unavoidable outcome of writing.

This kind of reading material isn't for everyone. Heck, it's going to describe deaths of our lovable cast of ponies from time to time. However, if occasional mistakes in the facts and the squirts of blood don't deter you, then carry on reading.

I'm TundraStanza. Thank you for your time.

This is MY book and I'm going to read it!

A/N: Please make sure that setting in the upper right is set to "Dark" and not "Light". Thank you.

I'm going to do a book. *Finds an engaging story.* WOAH!
Well, I'm going to do an internet. *clicks* Augh! Porn again? No thanks.
Grab a seat. If you're already in a seat... good for you.
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Square Enix.
---

School's in session and you know what that means. It's time for more deadweight textbooks. Hooray... (I'm not fooling anyone with this fake enthusiasm).

Pictures of law school students, spell casters, and pens to paper fill the screen.

Even as the internet slowly absorbs the human population, books remain a valuable source of information.

You could even say that they're the main weapons of today's challengers.

Twilight Sparkle of the G4 unicorn ponies...

... will face Zexion the Shadow-Walking Schemer.

I'm W and he's B and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Twilight Sparkle
-Element of Magic
-Student under Princess Celestia of Equestria
-Intelligent, organized, and well-read
-Diverse understanding of magic
-Plethora of spells: shields, teleportation, levitation, illumination, conjuration, transformation, magic missiles, etc.
-Has moments of OCD

Born and raised in the city of Canterlot, Twilight Sparkle has a natural gift in magic. She has been chosen by the Element of Harmony: Magic and even her cutie mark depicts magic as her specialty.

Her spell casting covers a large variety of different spells. These include but aren't limited to teleportation, levitation, illumination, object conjuration, object transformation, magical shield defense, and magical stun bolts for offense.

It's also worth noting how she's capable of copying spells from other magic users such as when she used Rarity's gem-finding spell. This indicates that she can pick up new spells with ease.

She's also a bit of a geek.

"The square root of 546 is 23.36664289109."

"She is correct."

Despite her birthplace being in the upper class, Twilight eventually settled in Ponyville and made five close friends who were joined by destiny as the other five bearers of the Elements of Harmony.

You'd think having a big brother and a babysitter would give her an incentive to be more social, but I guess the books called to her louder.

While she was personally chosen as Princess Celestia's student, Twilight still worries about potential repercussions for any and every small imperfection.

Seriously, she made the whole town fall for a rag doll just so she could turn in one homework assignment? ...okay.

And while some of her spells were shaky at first, she's managed to perfect her teleportation to the point of transmitting as many as four living organisms in one trip.

She's an ubernicorn!

What?

"Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."

Zexion
-No. VI of Org. XIII
-Intelligent, manipulative, and usually quiet
-Weapon: Lexicon (looks like a book)
-Master of illusions and some dark magic
-Can sense entities of darkness better than other Org. members
-Physically lacking in strength

Aside from Roxas, Zexion is quite possibly the youngest member of Organization XIII.

Turning into a Nobody didn't do a whole lot for his social life. He's still a shut-in that hits the books.

In fact, his weapon of choice is a type of book called a Lexicon: a dictionary primarily composed of Greek, Hebrew, Syriac, or Arabic language.

You know you're having a bad day when someone smacks you upside the head with a dictionary. Hell, Zexion even sometimes uses his as a short-ranged boomerang.

Since his weapon and melee combat experience are considerably weaker than his fellow Nobodies, Zexion relies on cleverness, sneakiness, and illusion magic. He can alter his appearance to resemble another person's friend provided that he has the available data on them. He can even manipulate his enemy's mind to the point that he can copy their memories and use their attacks against them.

The only good way to dispel his illusions is by giving him a good smack. (Kissing joke!)

His manipulation of his opponents' senses doesn't stop there. He can literally lock an opponent inside a large duplicate of his Lexicon, trapping them in an alternate plane of existence.

While there, the enemy has access to pages filled with... health and magic restoring orbs? Uh... Oh, right! They're also under constant attack by floating books and fire. Hah, just like my days in elementary school.

You had a strange childhood. Anyway, the world isn't escape-proof. If Zexion suffers too much damage while maintaining the dimension, he and his victim are forced back into the real world and he's temporarily stunned. This leaves him wide open to Keyblade combos.

Still, you have to give the kid credit for being persistent. Once he's caught his breath, he typically sends the Keyblade wielder into that book universe again but with a slight twist. Spotlights, meteors, and force fields, oh my!

And he can summon a similar meteor-based attack when his health gets too low.

"You brought this upon yourself!"

The only downside is that he can't aim this one. Seriously, the safest thing for an enemy to do with that one is to just stand still. (And let B have his way with you, baby.)

B!

W-wha? I wasn't doing anything arousing! I don't know what you're talking about!

"The Organization used to be the rope that binds us... and now it's full of kinks."

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

But first a little shout-out to our friends at Hard News. Bringing you the latest updates in video game related news since 2008. And now it's time for a Death Battle!

There appears to be a rather dark thunderstorm yet the only damage it is doing to the island on screen is by strong winds. A white spark of light shines on one edge of the island. It quickly fades away to reveal Twilight Sparkle. On the opposite side of the island, a darkness corridor opens up and reveals a young man with blue hair. The book in his hand floats and flips rapidly through its pages before resting back in Zexion's grasp.

FIGHT!

Scoffing once, Zexion floats his lexicon in front of himself and open toward his opponent. A chartreuse pattern of light shines from the open page. Twilight suddenly feels her entire body being compressed as a similar book appears behind her. The camera's view of her is obscured by smoke. As she screams in fright, the smoke clears to a closed book. It opens to a page that holds all text on one side. On the opposite page is a picture of a standing Twilight Sparkle. Zexion laughs curtly as the screen fades to black.

As the visual returns, Twilight is standing in a black abyss. A lexicon flies from a random direction and whacks her. Several other books of the same design float around this realm. As she looks around at all of them, Twilight is hit by a passing pillar of fire that appears seemingly out of nowhere. Her coat shows signs of burns in various places.

Some of the floating books start to surround her and attempt to gang up on her. Twilight responds by creating her magenta, magic barrier. All of the books bounce off the shield. Twilight notices that one of the books actually yelped upon being touched. She focuses her attention on that one floating book and starts firing bolts of magic at it. The book continues to yell out as if in pain. After a few more shots, the book opens with its pages down as Zexion's voice is heard groaning.

The spacious world clears away to reveal the island again. Zexion is crouching in a daze. Twilight seizes the opportunity and fires off more magical bolts. Zexion cries out at each impact. Eventually, though, he's sufficiently recuperated and starts running around. He dodge rolls around a few of the magic projectiles until he's closer to his opponent. He goes on the offensive by swinging his book at her.

Paper cuts don't do Twilight's first-degree burns any favors and she's wincing in pain. Zexion recovers his momentum and opens his lexicon. He lights up his chartreuse pattern again. A flash of white light causes Twilight to vanish before Zexion can complete his work. Another flash and Twilight reappears behind Zexion. She starts to gallop forward, but unfortunately for her, Zexion turns around and completes his initial attack. Once more, she's sent screaming into a book with her as the only illustration. The screen blacks out again.

This time, the empty realm is slightly different. Twilight is standing in the center of three spotlights. Two of them are red. The third is blue and a book is suspended midair within the light. Curious, Twilight watches as the book and blue spotlight seem to shuffle around with the red spotlights. Though she's not entirely sure what's going on, she has a hunch that this book is the illusion that Zexion hides behind. As the spotlight shuffling slows down, she disappears in her teleport flash. As the blue light stops, she reappears right below the book.

A tall force field of stagnated white light surrounds her and the book as large meteors rain down all around it. Twilight starts firing bolts of magic at the book and it grunts in Zexion's voice with each hit. Eventually, the meteor shower passes and Twilight finds herself in the first version of Zexion's empty realm.

Suddenly, a stationary floating book obscures Twilight's vision and encourages her to press "X", whatever that is. With a few jerks of her mind, she "flips" through the book's pages. Green orbs, clear orbs, and yellow orbs fly out of the book before being absorbed by her body. These seem to remove her burning pains and help clear her head. She also feels richer for some reason that she can't put her hoof on. But now's not the time to worry about financial issues.

The flock of books is back and floats around menacingly. Twilight decides to try something different and focuses her magic hold on all of the books at once. She levitates them in close and starts smacking them against each other. A few shred into non-existent pages, but one of the books lets out a yelp in Zexion's voice. She fires one more bolt of magic at that book and it opens page-side down.

Zexion groans as the island is brought back into visual. Sticking to what she knows, Twilight fires another magic missile at the dizzy Nobody. As he stands back up, his eyes gleam with vengeance. He holds his lexicon open in one palm as he holds out his other hand.

"You brought this upon yourself!" he declares. Dark purple meteors rain down from above. Reacting on impulse, Twilight activates her magical barrier again. With the meteor threat averted, she starts galloping toward her opponent.

Desperate to use his illusion again, Zexion sets up his lexicon's open-faced symbol and points it at the incoming unicorn. Twilight has other plans, however, and surrounds the book in her magic glow. Zexion is caught off guard when his weapon turns around and is open toward himself. Smoke covers the view as he is sucked up into his own attack. The book comically opens to show an illustration of Zexion.

Charging up everything she's got, Twilight fires one last blast of magic at the open book. The explosion scatters all the pages and they are caught up by the island's windstorm. An empty book cover falls to the ground as Twilight lets out a nervous chuckle.

"Whoops, he he. Sorry."

"K.O.!"

I knew it! Books are bad for you!

Zexion is a clever illusionist. There's no doubt about that. However, his stronger attacks are tedious and predictable. While Twilight's not exactly a warrior herself, she is willing to take different actions when the situation calls for them.

Plus, it wasn't exactly a good call on Zexion's part to give Twilight a means to restore her health and magic points.

Yes, revitalizing Twilight in the middle of the battle proved to give her enough resources to turn the tides of battle in her favor. Zexion might have had stood a chance if he had prior data on Twilight to access his memory-based powers. However, if we had allowed him to obtain this data, then we would have also given Twilight time to study him.

They really hit the books in this battle.

The winner is Twilight Sparkle.

Next time on Death Battle...

Seriously?

You people wanted this guy to come back?

Oh, come now, my little director. It'll be fun.

Your definition of "fun" is exactly what I'm worried about.

---
A/N: Ergh, mmph! *Struggles free of combatant's embrace* The things I do for entertainment...
This work is non-profit.

Never Ending Entropy

Please make sure that little setting in the upper right reads "Dark" not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: There seems to be a trend of wanting more Discord in the comments. *Sigh* I told myself I wasn't going to do any more fights with him. Yet, this is how it has to be I guess. Forgive me if I withhold my enthusiasm.
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Marvel Comics.
---

Ho boy! I'd be lying if I said I knew for sure what developments this battle will bring.

GLaDOS, Kefka, Sheogorath, Fawful, and Psycho Mantis grace your screen with their presence.

I guess it's true what Erasmus said. Everyone has some degree of insanity. But there are some that have a really high degree of it.

Today, we're pitting two of the craziest, chaotic, and possibly insane characters that have ever graced the public's attention.

Shuma-Gorath, the god of chaos in the Marvel universe.

And Discord, the master of chaos in the Equestrian universe.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Shuma-Gorath
-Demon
-"He who sleeps but shall awake"
-Lord of Chaos
-Immortality and mysticism
-Takes a tentacular form
-Superhuman strength and resilience

Several millions of years ago, the Class Three demon Shuma-Gorath came to Earth along with the rest of his race "The Old Ones".

Over the course of several millenia, many tried to contain or slay him like the sorcerer Sise-Neg, the god Crom, Conan the barbarian, and especially Dr. Strange. But, time after time, he came back to try to take over the world.

The Lord of Chaos usually takes the form of an eyeball with flexible, hard-hitting tentacles. His powers of mysticism give him strong projectile attacks like the Mystic Ray and the Mystic Stare.

He can curl up and roll over his opponent as a spike-ball and his Hyper Mystic Smash shoots out smaller versions of those spike-balls from within himself.

But even that pales in comparison to Shuma-Gorath's ultimate attack. By ensnaring his opponent inside a bubble made of his entire body, he traps them in the Chaos Dimension and destroys them with a devastating tornado.

Shuma-Gorath is an immortal entity. His only notable defeats were through banishment to alternate dimensions like the cancerverse. The only weapon that can potentially kill him is the Spear of Destiny which was the same spear that was used to pierce the skin of Jesus after he died on the cross.

Wow, B. I didn't know you studied theological history.

There are a lot of things about me that you don't know, W.

Eh, fair enough.

"You are an embarrassment to demons everywhere."

Discord
-Draconequus
-Master of Chaos and Disharmony
-Shares similar characteristics with "Q"
-Can manipulate reality almost effortlessly
-Has been sealed in stone by the Elements of Harmony twice
-Signature chaos manipulation: cotton candy clouds filled with chocolate milk rain

At first glance, Discord doesn't really seem like an intimidating villain.

That's a pretty d**n accurate glance, since all he ever does is float around laughing his head off.

However, his discombobulated appearance hides a deeper intellect that's perfect for disrupting the natural harmony of Equestria. Discord is a draconequus, a creature composed of body parts of a dragon, a horse, and several other creatures.

This lord of chaos takes a page straight out of Q's script in personality, cryptic nonsense, and reality bending.

While his mastery over the power of chaos seems virtually limitless, he tends to stick around a few constants. His favorite warping of the natural order seems to be creating clouds made of cotton candy that rain chocolate milk.

But he'll never know what that tastes like since he can only drink solid glass.

He takes pleasure in removing the color spectrum from ponies and as a result removes their positive qualities.

He's got unbound teleportation and powers that imitate no_clip, gmode, and a day-night light switch. Basically, anything you can imagine, he can do.

Despite his vast power, he does have a few drawbacks. He almost never takes combat situations seriously and his overconfidence has led to him being trapped in suspended animation by the Elements of Harmony... twice.

Yeah, great job putting those necklaces and tiara right into the enemy's possession.

In spite of his flaws, Discord's laid-back personality and intelligent insanity will always leave the opposition guessing.

Expect the unexpected.

"Discord rules, Celestia drools."

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

On some abandoned street in a ruined city grounds is where we find the setting of today's match. A green, slimy entity oozes into the view of the camera before lifting itself on pointed tentacles. A purple eye opens in the center of this thing.

"Who dares to challenge the mighty Shuma-Gorath?"

A different voice guffaws as a flash of light reveals the second challenger. With a deer antler, goat horn, and red pupils in two unevenly shaped yellow eyes, there's no doubt that this is the draconequus that terrorized Equestria in the past.

"Twists and turns are my master plan. Try and beat me if you can."

"FIGHT!"

"Mystic Smash!"

Shuma-Gorath curls his tentacles close into himself as he seems to leap at his opponent. Thorns decorate his exterior just before he collides with Discord's head. Discord looks hardly fazed from the initial strike, but the demon is only just starting as he whips out his tentacles in a flurry of... uh... kicks(?)... er... punches(?).

---
A/N: You don't need to be exact with your descriptions, narrator.
---

Well, whatever. Shuma-Gorath jumps away from his opening attack and tries firing his purple Mystic Ray. Grinning, Discord curls his body in a way that he can lazily dodge the attack. Straightening back up as much as he usually does, he snaps his claws. This creates a flash just above his opponent. A pink cloud starts raining brown liquid that's only dangerous to the lactose intolerant. Shuma-Gorath only seems irritated emotionally, not physically.

The sun is suddenly out, shedding some light on this otherwise dark street. Snapping his claws again, Discord summons an army of... buffaloes in tutus? What is this? I don't even. Luckily for the battle action, Shuma-Gorath is less weirded out and prepares a counter measure.

"Hyper... Mystic Smash!"

A cluster of spike-covered eyeballs are launched out of Shuma's center. Each buffalo is bowled over by one of them. Though, the sun has mysteriously vanished and is replaced by a moon during its last quarter phase. Discord snaps again and Shuma is teleported in a white light. He reappears in a... snow cone(?) in Discord's paw. Letting loose a bit of steam, Shuma shouts.

"Enough!"

A large pair of jaws with fangs emerge from Shuma-Gorath's center. They bite Discord's midsection and a red bubble-like object surrounds the draconequus. Through the translucent layer, the camera can see that Discord is genuinely intrigued by this turn of events. Shuma's eye appears just above the center of the bubble.

"Welcome to... the Chaos Dimension!"

Suddenly, the bubble form is released as a giant green tornado whirls around and spreads gunk in several directions all over the street. Shuma-Gorath reforms in his eyeball, tentacular form.

"You are an embarrassment to chaos lords everywhere," he states matter-of-factly.

"Well, sorry if I don't play by their rules," chuckles Discord as he reappears in a white flash, levitating just above Shuma.

Waving a limb this time, Discord's power raises flying pies out of absolutely nowhere. The rulers of chaos are carried upward on two of said pies. Gathering more of his strength, Shuma uses his eye to scan the entire pie-filled scenery.

"Hyper... Mystic Ray!"

His wide-ranged, purple laser of death turns the mass of pies into crumbling pieces that are burned black. Though, it's at this point that he realizes that there's nothing supporting him in the thin air.

"Bye-bye," waves Discord as Shuma plummets to the ground below. His scream is only silenced by his impact.

Shuma-Gorath slowly lifts himself up with a few of his tentacles. Discord appears in front of him in a white flash.

"You..." Shuma's voice sounds like a whisper, "You think that you can beat me in my own game?"

"Oh, but that would imply that I had any chance of losing," smirks Discord.

"As you will soon see..." starts Shuma.

"Good luck with that," quips Discord snapping his claws again. The visual whites out, and the camera sees Shuma-Gorath in some blank, white realm. He closes his eye and crosses two of his tentacles like a person would cross their arms.

“So thou knowest the essence of Shuma-Gorath, eh, Discord? Aye... evil! Ancient, timeless…patient…evil! And Shuma-Gorath doth know thee.”

He cackles as his essence starts to take refuge into this dimension, reshaping it to his liking.

"Continue?"

Well, you can beat some of the people some of the time, but you can't beat all of the people all of the time.

Truer words have never been spoken, B.

So sorry to interrupt gentleman.

What? What?

Muffled noises are heard and the visual of the battle's replay cuts to static.

...

The static cuts back to reveal the white realm which is a lot less white and a lot more of a sickly green color.

Mua ha ha ha ha ha ha!

"Continue?"

"Yes!"

Huh? I thought the match was over. Well, okay. *ahem* Shuma-Gorath starts warping the dimension he's in until he oozes through a pore into the dimension in which the battle's setting is. Meanwhile, Discord is lying down in a hammock attached to two palm trees that have somehow taken root in the street's tar. The noise of Shuma's return causes the draconequus to stop sipping his coconut milk of cup and lift his sunglasses in surprise.

"What's this?" Discord asks.

"I can bend all of reality!" shouts Shuma-Gorath spreading his tentacles to reach all around the environment, "What hope did you have to defeat me?"

Discord yawns, "I grow bored of these so-called powers of yours. I'm going back to messing with ponies."

With a snap from his claws, Discord is gone in a flash of light.

"This world will be mine!" shouts Shuma-Gorath to the empty air.

"K.O.!"

That Discord may have been a handsome devil, but he lacks any motivation to finish what he started. That is why the winner of this Death Battle is none other than Shuma-Gorath!

I now return you to your regularly scheduled reading, you pathetic wastes of flesh.

That was... fairly uncomfortable.

That was the second worst "bad touch" I've ever experienced.

What was your first?

My ex-wife.

Ah.

A white light flashes on screen.

Discord's back, my little show hosts! Did you miss me?

---
A/N: Oh, I give up! *Flips a random table and leaves*
---

Huh. What's with him?

Next time on Death Battle...

And now...

The moment...

You've all...

Been waiting for...

...

...

You've got to be kidding me.

---
A/N: Picture by AniRichie-Art.
I gain no profit from this. Opinions expressed by Shuma-Gorath and/or Discord do not necessarily reflect the opinions of "The Moment No Pony was Waiting For" or anyone associated with it. Viewer discretion is advised.

Hey, If They Can Make Musical Teens Fight...

Please make sure that little setting in the upper right reads "Dark" not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: This chapter was written for satirical and entertainment purposes only. The opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of the Screw Attack staff or those of the author. No fictitious characters were actually harmed in the making of this chapter as "Death Battles" are to be treated as simulations and nothing more.
Thank you.
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Martin Handford.
---

This episode of Death Battle was brought to you by audible.com.

A couple of you viewers out there wanted this. I don't see why. This is going to be the most boring "Battle" in history.

Pictures that resemble abstract art flow along the screen.

Today we're giving viewers at home one of the battles that you suggested.

Personally, I think these two belong in a kid's "Find-it" book. But hey, you wanted to see them fight. So now you're going to get it.

The first notable animation error of the G4 Pegasus ponies: Derpy Hooves.

And the pop-culture sensation that's always out of sight: Waldo.

He's B and I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Derpy Hooves
-Pegasus pony
-Cutie mark: a cluster of bubbles
-Favorite food: Muffins
-Kind, caring, and willing to help
-Off-centered eyesight and slightly clumsy
-First appearance with intentionally off-center eyes: S1E15

The Pegasus that's been through name changes just to please angry mothers defending their mentally ill children, Derpy Hooves has found her place in the hearts of many-a-pony lovers.

This pony may have amblyopia or something. There's nothing official on her condition yet.

She has been seen working with the weather such as group tornadoes and solo thunderheads, though her electrical control leaves something to be desired.

Not to mention, she somehow inherited Peach's powerful *ss.

Yes, she clearly has much strength behind her if she can take down the foundations of an entire town hall.

This mare has past experience as a delivery pony. Though, she probably didn't keep her job after losing a flower pot, an anvil, a piano, and a hay bale cart.

Derpy has the tendency to appear just about everywhere in the background where only the most observant viewers expect to see her. She's also commonly confused with another background pony nicknamed "Cloud Kicker".

And her eye condition seems to be contagious. Or, maybe these ponies just need to get optometrists. I don't know.

Yet despite her... uh, "perk", Derpy always manages to find something she can smile about.

Yeah, just give her some muffins... lots and lots of muffins.

"Anything I can do to help?"

Waldo
-Human
-Common articles of clothing: glasses, snow cap, red-striped sweater vest
-Is difficult to spot in a crowd
-First series debut in 1987
-Not known for his combat practice
-Has a plethora of family members that are just as difficult to find as he is

Ever as difficult to find as a needle in a haystack, Waldo AKA Wally is a gem among the hidden item genre.

How the hell is a guy wearing bright red stripes and a pair of glasses so d**n hard to find?

Although his species is human, Waldo heralds from the Land of Waldos in which more people with the name Waldo reside and they all look just like him.

So what does that make him? A hectuplet?

Waldo doesn't have any prior fighting experience. He prefers to stay hidden and blend in with the crowds from all over the world.

On occasion, he has been known to carry a bunch of miscellaneous gear on him.

Right. Various objects that have been in his possession have included a walking stick, a mallet, a backpack, a sleeping bag, binoculars, a snorkel mask, and a shovel.

When he's not walking his dog Woof or visiting his Mamma Waldini, this guy enjoys reading and collecting stuff during his travels. I wonder if he's a kleptomaniac.

Oh, come on, B. Just because a man enjoys collecting various junk doesn't make him a...

Look at those horizontal stripes! He's clearly a previously imprisoned thief!

*Sigh* Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you.

Somebody's gotta protect you from that red-hatted kleptomaniac.

He's not a kleptomaniac!

"The truth is... I don't think I've ever found myself."

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

And just to make the battle more, uh... interesting, I've scattered a few random weapons around the arena.

You did what?

Audible.com!

If you're too blind or too lazy to read like me, then audible books may be the thing for you.

On audible.com, there are over 75,000 titles of books in several genres that can be downloaded anytime and anywhere.

Go to audiblepodcast.com/deathbattle for a free book download of your choice when you first sign up. It's free! What are you waiting for? Oh, wait. A Death Battle!

A large crowd of various folks are going every which way along a sidewalk. One rather tall and light-weight fellow steps aside just for a moment to catch some breathing room. An unexpected crack of lightning causes the otherwise bored crowd to scatter. In surprise, Waldo looks up to see a rather out-of-place figure fly into view. Derpy's mouth is scrunched up as she's just flying in place looking at everything and nothing.

"FIGHT!"

Pulling his camera out, Waldo snaps a quick photo of Derpy as he runs away. Blinded in one eye, she shakes her head to make the stars go away. She flaps her wings and follows a few sporadic zig-zags and loops. In her flight pattern, she can't seem to avoid running into some precariously positioned objects along the rooftops.

As Waldo continues running along, he narrowly avoids getting smashed by several falling objects that just miss his heels. Bricks, anvils, and pianos... oh my! Where did that grenade come from? Waldo holds onto his hat as the shock waves from the blast send him rolling along the ground. He collides with a crate that was situated in his path and a shovel falls out next to him.

Who wrote this?

Anyway, he picks up the shovel when another collision sound catches his attention. Up above, Derpy has somehow collided in midair with a... music note item box(?). The screen grows dark as a rather catchy rhythm is heard. This is quickly followed by an Eastern melody.

There are roads
that every character
must travel.

A shadowy cloud appears and Waldo is standing in front of it. He holds his shovel with the spade end up. Wait... where's his hat? Whoops, no time to ponder! Changelings are jumping out of the cloud. By some stroke of luck, Waldo's shovel connects with the incoming changelings.

The screen suddenly cuts to a... martial arts dojo(?) where Derpy and some alicorn the same size as Derpy are following the instructions of a rapping dojo master. They kick the flower pots in a timely manner, though the alicorn's kicks appear much weaker than Derpy's.

The visual cuts back to Waldo slapping the changelings away with his shovel. They seem to be coming faster now. But, lady luck still has his back and a random spinning maneuver allows him to smack the entire wave.

We look again at the dojo and Derpy's in time and knocking the pots away with ease. On the other hoof, the alicorn is still struggling to keep up as the pots fly in faster and faster. Suddenly, a bowling ball flies into the two ponies' aims. Derpy practically giggles when she kicks her bowling ball. The alicorn barely manages to make the bowling ball stop and she silently cries in pain.

Wait... now we're at some golf course and Rarity and Sweetie Belle are wearing kimonos? B, what did you rig this arena with again?

And now Derpy's sitting in a different room eating muffins and swatting parasprites? What is this? I don't even...

The narrator faints as the screen returns to the dojo. This time, the trainees are kicking stuffed animal dolls while the second rap-artist gives the commands. The rhythm of incoming dolls seems pretty straightforward. At least, it is until two anvils fly in and smack the rappers in the face. Both Derpy and the alicorn look with concern at their respective masters.

Derpy is once again shown eating muffins to the beat while the parasprites just keep getting smacked back. In the background, Pinkie Pie is enjoying herself catching cupcakes with her mouth, until she suddenly chokes on an unexpected parasprite.

Waldo is shown taking out another swarm of changelings from the shadow cloud.

Back in the dojo, Derpy and the alicorn fail at shooting successful Hadouken and instead, hot air just seems to blow away from their hooves.

The changelings that Waldo's shovel smacks seem to be getting larger. He's kind of out of his league yet luck continues to aid his aim and timing.

Briefly, the audience is shown a clip of Roid Rage striking a pose while shouting, "YEAH!"

Waldo smacks another swarm of smaller changelings. How this skinny man is still standing, we'll never know.

Roid Rage strikes another pose with his signature cry, "YEAH!"

The changeling swarm now appears to be an army of Chrysalis clones. Waldo is beginning to sweat from all the swinging of his shovel.

We return to Rarity's practice on the golfing range as Sweetie Belle tosses her more gems. At an unfortunate moment, Rarity realizes that the last gem she has swung at was actually a poor baby dragon.

Waldo smacks another swarm of Chrysalis clones before they can cause any harm. The shovel's true material nature remains a mystery.

Now, the screen jump cuts to a clip of Waldo trying his hand at being a DJ. His first attempt, however, knocks his glasses right off his head.

Derpy is shown again eating muffins at a rather catchy beat and pace.

Waldo's DJ instructor has some inexplicable bumps all over his head. Waldo's second attempt at disc jockeying seems to correct his previous error.

Derpy is shown eating a couple more muffins to the beat. But then, a groan from a poor baby dragon is heard as he suddenly flies in and smacks Derpy over knocking her unconscious.

Waldo manages to spin around smacking the last of the changeling swarm with his shovel when it suddenly flies straight up into the air. He looks around for it for a second or two. Right as he looks up, the shovel buries itself right into his face and he falls over from the impact. Comically, Waldo's hat is tossed out of the fading shadow cloud and lands right on the shovel's handle.

The narrator recovers from his earlier faint.

Ow... what happened? Woah! Oh... my... gosh.

"M-m-m-m-monster K.O.!"

B, remind me to never let you set up the arenas ever again.

Sure, no problem!

With neither combatant very savvy in fighting experience, it was only fitting that their contest would ultimately end without a true victor. Not only did their efforts take each other out, but they also managed to knock an entire swarm of changelings unconscious and injured two rapping martial artists and a disc jockey instructor.

Yep, this was totally hilarious all the way through.

*Shaking his head* I can't believe we actually set this match up.

Hey look, W! I found Waldo! Ha ha ha!

This Death Battle is a draw.

Next time on Death Battle...

Welcome to the Velvet Room.

This place exists between dream and reality, mind and matter.

It is a room that only those who are bound by a "contract" may enter.

Now then... why don't you introduce yourself?

...

"Yesss..."

---
A/N: Properties belong to their respective owners.
I gain no profit from this.
FLAME SHIELDS UP!
(Next Death Battle will be more serious.)

Are Yu Ready For This?

Please make sure that little setting in the upper right reads "Dark" not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: This'll probably be the last chapter that I do based on past suggestions and/or ideas of my own. As always, feel free to leave suggestions in the comment section. Though, whether I use your suggestion or not is never certain.
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Atlus.
By the way, spoiler alert for those that have yet to play Persona 4 and/or Persona 4 Arena. (And I guess a spoiler to those that haven't watched the season 3 opener for MLP:FiM, but come on. You had to have seen that, right?)
Opinions expressed in this chapter do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the author or anyone else involved.
---

Tales of new and old often use the standard formula of good versus evil.

And this match is no exception.

Yu Narukami, the high school heart breaker...

Will face King Sombra the unicorn of hatred and fear.

I'm W and he's B and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!

Yu Narukami
-AKA Seta Souji
-Moved from the city to Inaba
-Courage: Heroic; Knowledge: Sage; Expression: Enthralling; Understanding: Saintly; Diligence: Rock Solid
-Ability to face his inner self and call upon the facade, the strength of the Persona
-Social links established: Fool, Magician, Priestess, Empress, Emperor, Hierophant, Lovers, Chariot, Justice, Hermit, Fortune, Strength, Hanged Man, Death, Temperance, Devil, Tower, Star, Moon, Sun, Judgement
-Can utilize The World Arcana
-Weapon: Two-handed sword

Forced to leave his home in the big city, Yu Narukami ended up staying with his uncle Ryotaro Dojima in Inaba. He started attending Yasogami High School and quickly found friends.

Though, it took some really weird circumstances to bring this bad*ss-to-be out of his shell.

Rumors of the Midnight Channel and a serial murder case eventually paved the way for Yu and his friends to actually enter another world inside the T.V. In this world, they discovered that facing their respective Shadows led to them obtaining the power of the Persona. The adventure of saving potential murder victims and solving the Inaba case had begun.

Because nothing says 'friendship' like saving the other person from a dark version of themselves that reveals their hidden feelings.

Narukami has earned much experience through the battles inside the T.V. Although, his versatility is arguably due to his social links developed in the real world with various other people. He can thank his best friends for being able to fuse some of his strongest Personas.

Each Persona belongs to one of the Major Arcana used in fortune-telling. His go-to Persona is Izanagi of the Fool Arcana. Just like his wielder, Izanagi wields a two-handed sword. Additionally, he has some of the best lightning attacks at his disposal.

And when he's finally ready to face the truth, he can use his ultimate Persona of the World Arcana: Izanagi-No-Okami. Its Myriad Truths attack is strong enough to shatter Izanami-no-Okami's fog illusion. Plus, its resistance to several elemental attacks doesn't hurt either.

Other Personas in Narukami's arsenal can shoot fire, ice, lightning, and strike attacks as well as absorb attacks of those natures.

While he does usually rely on his Personas inside the T.V. world, Narukami is far from helpless on his own. He is very skilled in swordplay and can easily throw a punch when properly motivated. Not to mention, his various school activities, jobs, extracurricular activities and his... *ahem* dates have raised his personal aspects to levels that others can only dream of.

And he wears a pair of glasses made by Teddie specifically designed to see through the murky fog of the other world. This has helped his accuracy plenty of times.

Yu Narukami and his friends have taken on several enemies including Shadows, berserk Shadows, two suspects of murder, and even entities that acted as physical embodiments of Japan's gods.

"~Yu... are the champion...~" (Sung to the tune of "We Are the Champions")

"I am far from empty!"

King Sombra
-Species: Unicorn
-Took over the Crystal Empire and enslaved it
-Was turned to shadow and banished to the Arctic North
-Powers derive from fear and hatred
-Can grow dark crystals out of pretty much anything
-Can create illusions so that victim experiences their worst fear
-Defeated by the high spirits of the crystal ponies being channeled into the Crystal Heart

A Mexican villain, huh? I guess we were due for one of those.

He's not from Mexico, B. Over a thousand years ago, King Sombra ruled over the Crystal Empire through fear and slavery.

But his name sounds like sombrero! You cannot tell me that there's no connection.

Harnessing ancient magic, the princesses Celestia and Luna turned him into a shadow and exiled him to the Arctic North.

Aw, isn't that nice of them? That's practically sending free tacos to Santa Claus.

But his thousand-year disappearance wasn't without consequence as the Crystal Empire disappeared as well.

No illegal immigrants means no fast food.

W seems a bit irritated but does his best to ignore B's running joke.

Fast forward to the present day and the Crystal Empire had returned. Sombra almost succeeded in taking over again before the combined efforts of Princess Cadance, Spike, and the crystal ponies helped restore love and joy to the empire.

Fiesta time!

*Ahem* Sombra is a unicorn whose magic is deeply rooted in fear and hatred. This is apparent in the darkness and shadowy nature that he takes.

Yep. Mexico is full of hell all right.

He can literally grow dark crystal pillars, spikes, and stalagmites from virtually nothing and he can conjure doors that lead his victims to experience their worst fear.

It shows them being raped and robbed?

No! It depends on who the victim is. Anyway, his dark crystals can also act as a barrier that prevents other unicorns from teleporting out of them.

No escapo!

And unlike the other powerful beings that have threatened Equestria in the past, he doesn't need to be up in the face of the empire's subjects. In fact, the mere thought of him provokes fear and submission in the crystal ponies.

Well, those Mexicans are scary.

Okay, B, that's not funny.

Funny? Who's trying to be funny?

Ugh.

It sounds like W performs a face palm.

"My crystal slaves..."

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

Black rectangles float out from a white screen before the entire visual is engulfed in white. It appears that the curtain pulls back from a stage area as a high school student walks on stage. He moves one finger to readjust his glasses. A cloud of black smoke appears on the opposite side of the stage and a fanged smile of a black unicorn head floats in the middle of it.

"A Shadow?" wonders Yu Narukami aloud, "Alright, let's go!"

Yu pulls out his sword and tosses the sheath off-stage.

"FIGHT!"

Charging forward to test the waters, Yu runs forward and swings his sword through the faced smoke cloud three times. When he pulls back, he's surprised to see that his blade is covered in black rocks. While he's distracted, a dark crystal pillar grows up from just underneath. This sends Yu's sword flying off screen.

"All right then," he says while holding his open palm up, "Let's try this!"

A card starts floating midair. On one side is a picture of a mask. On the other side, there is a "0" at the bottom while the picture appears to be some humanoid silhouette carrying a bindle. As the card spins, it floats just above Yu's hand.

"Persona!"

Yu practically crushes the card. It vanishes as what appears to be blue fire starts flowing through Yu's fingers. From just above him, another figure appears. It resembles a tall, masked man wearing a black jacket and carrying a giant sword. A spark of light seems to flash across Yu's eyes as he calls his other self.

"Izanagi!"

The summoned Persona spreads out his arms and unleashes lightning all over the battle field. The shadowy cloud that is Sombra appears to dissipate around the lightning strike, but not completely. Meanwhile, another lightning bolt hits the dark pillar of earlier practically shattering it. The stranded sword falls to the stage floor.

The smoke reforms slightly to show Sombra's evil chuckling. Then, it starts floating away via a doorway on the right side of the stage.

"Hey! Get back here!" shouts Yu. Izanagi disappears as Yu runs across the stage and picks up his sword. He continues running along and heads out the door.

He stops for a moment and notices the extremely tall staircase that leads down to who-knows-where. He lets out a small sigh before starting to run down the stairs. This could take him a while.

---
Please contemplate the meaning of life while we play this song that represents the amount of time it takes to run down these stairs without tripping and falling.
---

And we're back. A quick look via zoomed-out camera angle shows Yu pausing for breath about halfway down. He hears an animal's howl and looks up to see another one of his Persona cards. This one also has the mask designed back. Unlike Izanagi's card, the front has the Roman numeral "IX" and a picture of a hanging lantern with a half-open eye under it. Yu reaches up and clenches his fist.

"Arahabaki!"

The card shatters as blue flames erupt from it. The Persona that emerges from this card sort of resembles a giant stone idol that's levitating. It starts to slowly descend straight down the center of the staircase. Yu hops onto its shoulder before it gets too far.

Within a few seconds, Arahabaki is floating above the floor at the bottom. There's one door at this level. Yu hops down from his Persona to investigate. However, as soon his fingers touch the door's handle, the entire frame seems to shift the door to another section of the wall. Naturally, Yu lets out a mutter of confusion. He walks over to where the door is now and tries to open it again. For a second time, the entire door frame slides along the wall out of immediate reach.

Deciding he's had enough nonsense, Yu points a fist toward the door's current position. Arahabaki's yellow eyes release some sort of attack that somehow hits the crystal door piece just on top. Yu forcibly opens the door and heads through as Arahabaki vanishes.

---

"Narukami!"

The familiar shout surprises him. He looks around the fog-covered floor. Shadowy arms are grabbing what appear to be his friends and dragging them into the floor.

"No, this can't be happening again!"

Chie Satonaka falls through, followed by Yukiko Amagi, Rise Kujikawa, Kanji Tatsumi, and Naoto Shirogane.

"Sensei!" cries Teddie as he's dragged to his doom.

"You didn't think you had actually won, did you?"

Yu is startled before turning around to see the tall, white, and mummified goddess known as Izanami.

"What are you doing?" Yu shouts, "We already beat you!"

"Mere illusions of satisfaction that you created for yourself," Izanami replies, "Just like I thought you would."

Several shadowy hands fly out of the ground and grab Yu. He can only stare in horror.

"Look out!"

With impeccable timing, Yosuka Hanamura shoves Yu Narukami away from the dark hands. Unfortunately, these same hands grab Yosuke instead. He looks to Yu and wears a sad smile.

"Sorry I couldn't do more, partner," he apologizes as he gets dragged under.

"Yosuke!" shouts Yu, "Yosuke!"

He kneels down and pounds the floor in frustration.

"No!"

---

"No..." whispers Yu as a tear drips down from his currently green eyes with red irises.

He's been staring at that blank wall for a while now. I'm beginning to worry about him.

Another card floats down near Yu. This one is marked by the Roman numeral "V" and has a picture an upward pointed spear piercing three clubbed sticks. Slowly and completely unaware, Yu's arm reaches up and shatters this card into blue fires. A golden, Eastern Asian dragon appears that holds red and blue orbs in its claws. Said orbs glow brightly before the crystal above the door shatters.

Yu blinks and his eyes recover their original colors. He looks around, just now realizing where he still is. He then looks around to see his Persona, Kohryu. He turns back to the doorway. Its illusion has been shattered, leaving a clear path to the actual room. More cautiously this time, Yu walks down the hall as Kohryu fades.

---

Upon entering this new white room, Yu easily catches sight of the cloud of darkness floating at the other end.

"You're going to pay for that," declares Yu flatly as he starts charging forward.

Sombra chuckles as he calls forth a dome of black crystal, trapping Yu inside.

"Rakshasa!"

Several slash lines appear before the dome shatters into several pieces. Yu and his Strength Persona are revealed. Rakshasa looks like a dual-wielding swordsman completely wrapped in red rags.

Though, the audience doesn't get any more time to look at it, since Sombra is now summoning a giant wall of dark crystal formation. As if this can somehow stop his opponent.

Rakshasa vanishes as Yu halts his forward walk. He reaches up and grabs his glasses and then proceeds to toss them off to the side. He then reaches up his open palm. The card that falls into his grasp is marked with the Roman numeral "XXI". Its image has red, yellow, green, and blue corners. The center image kind of resembles the Hippocrates symbol.

The Persona that appears behind Yu takes the form of a white-coated swordsman. It carries a blade with a golden ring around its hilt. The Persona lifts its weapon to point upward and then proceeds to spin the ring once around.

"Thousands may die, but even more are reborn," proclaims Yu, "Izanagi-no-Okami!"

The tall swordsman then swings his blade a couple times. In flashes of white light, the dark crystal wall crumbles revealing Sombra in his true unicorn form. No longer does he laugh. Now he growls in anger and hatred. He rides a giant rock crystal wave toward Yu Narukami.

But the last ditch effort is fruitless as Izanagi-no-Okami releases a final strike of lightning. This one is more widespread than Izanagi's at the start of the battle. Sombra lets out a roar as his body crumbles away.

"K.O.!"

That seemed a little overkill. I liked it.

Narukami has faced hundreds upon hundreds of shadow-based creatures in the past. Plus, he's faced several that had godlike strength and endurance. There's no reason he couldn't here.

It almost looked like Sombra had him when Yu got trapped in the illusion of his worst fear, but his strong bond with Ryotaro Dojima gave him the strength and the dragon to destroy that illusion.

In the end, Sombra couldn't stand against Narukami's true strength.

In brightest day, in blackest night, no evil shall escape his sight. Let those who worship evil's might beware his power: Izangi-no-Okami's light!

The winner is Yu Narukami.

---
A/N: Are you anticipating the real Death Battle scheduled for December 21, 2012? I know I am.
This fan fic is non profit. All references belong to their respective owners.

Chapter 37: Outtakes Reel #2

Flim manages to overpower the vacuum so that it reaches a ridiculous distance. Mario gets sucked into the hose.

"Mario!" cries Luigi.

A barrel flies out and lands on the ground. It looks like some discolored crap is spilling over the top. A couple knocks on wood can be heard. Suddenly, the top bursts off while the mush splashes everywhere. Somehow, the crown clings onto its spot on Princess Peach's head.

"I should have stayed at the castle," she moans as she hangs her arms over the barrel's side.

"I am the world champion of ultimate tag!" hollers F as he gallops along. His face isn't nearly as insane as Twilight can get when she's tardy, but it's pretty darn close to that. The unfortunately smaller N is still in tow, not fully complying with her unofficial co-announcer.

I'll get you d**n kids eventually!

The sound of B's shoes hitting the floor can be heard echoing down the hallway.

Maybe we should come back later.

The narrator tiptoes away.

It seems to be a nice, sunny day in replica Ponyville. Of course, appearances can be deceiving as a giant purple claw quickly smashes two of the replica houses to smithereens. A large purple, Earthbound dragon with green spikes roars loudly with his head swinging. Within camera distance (which is spanning a rather large mile) stands the Ghost of Sparta, undeterred and fully prepared for a day of slaying enemies be they gods or monsters. His Blades of Exile are already in hand.

"FIGHT!"

As the gargantuan Spike opens his mouth, he seems to exhale a large cloud of green vapors. The cloud surprisingly fills the entire replica town. Just as Kratos is about to aim his bow, he breathes in some of the vapors. He immediately faints.

A bit out of character for a beast, Spike lifts a claw and performs a breath test. Upon sniffing his own exhaled breath, his face scrunches up in disgust. He falls backward, landing on top of a couple other houses.

Is... this a double K.O.?

"Do not try readjusting your monitors," breathes Psycho Mantis, "I control the horizontal. I control the vertical."

"Hey!" interrupts Pinkie Pie, "Look what I can do with the diagonal."

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"Ooh! Look at this! I can make everything in 3D!"

"Stop it! You're ruining everything!"

"Wow, autotune! This makes my voice sound silly."

"Graaaaah!"

Psycho Mantis looks pretty mad. That's an impressive feat considering we can't even see his face behind that gas mask.

Here's where things get a bit "I'm not sure why, it just is". The Power Rangers have some pretty neat... well... powers and their megazords are all pretty awesome too. Realistically, they have been defeated before by very real threats. Unfortunately, I can't really think of a mechanical equivalent in the magical land of Equestria besides Sweetie Bot. And we all know the Friendship is Witchcraft is non-canon. As I've said before, I'm sticking to canon as closely as possib-

*CRASH*
The wall bursts in and a pony-shaped piece of metal with a "Cyclops" visor and a 7-colored wig.

"Crush! Kill! Destroy! Swag!"

What the heck? How did you even get here?

*CRASH* (From the opposite wall.)
A much larger robotic entity enters the scene.

The frig?

"Power Rangers, Megazord!"

I don't get paid enough for this spit.

The narrator runs out of the scene while lasers and explosions fill the room.

A time traveler? I thought the director wasn't going to use the Doctor. Wait... it's not the Doctor? Who else travels through time?

A flash of light and rush of swirling wind reveals a rather beat up Twilight Sparkle. Her outfit looks like a carbon-copy of Solid Snake.

Oh, heck no. Heck no!

A whooshing sound makes itself apparent as a tall, blue police box manifests out of thin air.

"Derpy, I don't think is London either," says the Doctor as he takes a peak out of the T.A.R.D.I.S.

"But, I flipped the whojamawhatsit," points out the voice of Derpy from inside.

"Oh, that would explain it," chuckles the Doctor, "I said flip the whatsitjawhoma."

"Oh yeah," says the muffled voice of Derpy, "That makes more sense."

Could we please get back to the actual introduction please?

---
A/N: Cut!
---

Upon landing on the grass below, both princesses look shaken up. Both of them surround themselves with a valentine-shaped aura. Their minor bruises are almost healed instantly. It's time for them to pull out their last resorts.

Wh...where did they get those microphones?

...

And where did they get those 80s outfits?

~We are young,
Heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demands
Love Is A Battlefield
We are strong, no one can tell us we're wrong
Searchin' our hearts for so long, both of us knowing
Love Is A Battlefield~

This is kind of catchy.

Demyx starts strumming his sitar while some unexplained other music is playing elsewhere. Wait... didn't we already do a similar joke?

~Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Derpy Doo
Dooooooo
We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so derp eyes
A full hot muffin's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any pegasi...~

Eh, it's a good song.

Think, Phoenix, Mr. Wright thinks to himself, How can I save this case? Hm... I know! I'll drag her into a round of pointless objections so that they'll have to postpone the trial. That'll give me another day to gather evidence that can prove Tundra's innocence.

Phoenix clears his throat.

"Hold it!"

"Objection!" retorts Luna.

"Objection!"

"Objection!"

"Hold it!"

"Take that!"

"Objection!"

The judge's gavel bangs three times and interrupts the squabble.

"Will you pack it in, you two?" demands his honor, "This is a courtroom, not a high school argument."

"Sorry, your honor," apologizes Phoenix.

"Our most ashamed apologies, thy honor," says Luna bowing her head.

"Wear the face of despair!" Xaldin calls. The serpent-shaped vacuum opens its "mouth" and releases a long stream of wind at high velocity. It makes a long sweeping motion starting from one end of the bridge as it heads toward the other. Xaldin's intent appears to be to hit the enemy along the way.

However, before his attack can connect, a much colder wind blows in from off screen. A gaseous equine form gallops in along an invisible platform and starts freezing everything in sight.

As the blizzard finally settles down and the windigo leaves, we're left with a visual of two snowmen sitting on the bridge. The heads of the snowmen seem to topple over as the faces of Gilda and Xaldin are revealed. The unfortunate combatants are shivering from the cold.

---
A/N: What were you expecting? A fart pun? Pfft. Too mainstream.
---

---
A/N: Warning the following contains gruesome images. If you are squeamish, look away n-TOO SLOW!
---

"Hey, pink pony," whispers Alucard as he holds Pinkamena's head in his hands.

Pinkamena can only whimper a slight response.

"You lost."

The head simply whimpers an affirmative.

"And now I have to read your mind."

Pinkamena whimpers a confused question-like noise.

"By drinking your blood."

Defying logic, the head's mouth starts to hyperventilate.

"Om nom nom!"

Streams of red go in a few directions as Alucard bites into what's left of Pinkamena's neck.

"The *eff* is this?" he wonders as his pupils dilate.

"The *eff* is that?" Colors start to swim through his vision.

"The *eff* are those?" A flash crosses his mind's eye as he stares at the symbol that will spell the doom of Tyrant Celestia's reign.

It is... the flag... of the NLR.

"Ohhhhh, ha ha ha," Alucard starts laughing, "Ha ha ha ha ha!"

He stops all of a sudden before saying to himself, "I got to tweet about this."

---

Meanwhile, Integra Hellsing is browsing Alucard's twitter page with the latest comment. She lets out a sigh of discontent.

"What is it, Sir Integra?" inquires Walter.

Integra yields, "It's the *eff*ing..."

*Transmission interrupted*

Just as Big Macintosh is within a few feet of charging distance, Link pulls out an Ocarina and starts to play an oddly catchy, yet short melody.

The movements of either fighter seem a bit sluggish. Link rolls to one side leaving the unaware Big Mac to run through where he used to be. As time begins to resume its normal pace, Mac takes a moment to turn his head this way and that. Before he realizes it, Mac has fallen into a patch of ocean water.

Link turns away and performs a fancy sword swing before sheathing the Master Sword.

"As always, if you've got an idea for a Death Battle," pipes in F, "Leave a comment below."

"Thanks for watching," says N hurriedly as the two continue to run away from a persistent Death Battle host.

Get back here!

---

Author's Notes:

A/N: Yeah, my mind's kind of mush after finishing my finals and it's difficult to find "me time" while I'm on vacation with the rest of my family.
So, until I can keep my head clear with research for possible future battles, have some 'deleted scenes' that may be funny. Or maybe they'll just make you look at me like I'm being idiotic. Sometimes I get those confused.
Properties all belong to their respective owners and I gain absolutely no profit from them.

You Can't Spell Parody Without "P"

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.

Well, I’ve made her tag one of the main characters. So, I guess it’s time to bring her back for another round. Never can you have too much pink.
Properties in the chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Lab Zero Games and Reverge Labs.
---

Maybe I’m crazy. I’m spinning out of control and I don’t know what’s worth fighting for. Cartoony character, meet another cartoony character.

What is it with cartoon characters and a complete disregard for the laws of physics?

Because, shut up.

Today, we’re taking another look at an old favorite, randomness-driven, Death Battle combatant and giving her a chance to fight someone that’s been just as random but gone under the radar.

Friend of Deadpool and nightmare to Psycho Mantis: Pinkie Pie.

…and the weaponized, psychotic orphan: Peacock.

He’s W and I’m B.

And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Pinkie Pie
-G4 earth pony
-Bearer of the Element of Laughter
-Defies any sensible explanations
-Has “Pinkie Sense”
-Can break the 4th wall
-Favorite hobby: throwing parties

Always full of energy and ready to spread smiles, Pinkie Pie knows every name of every resident in Ponyville.

Ten bucks says she’s high on sugar!

She was raised as a rock farmer during her childhood. But, after witnessing the awe-inspiring Sonic Rainboom, she discovered her passion in making everyone else happy. This eventually allowed the Element of Laughter to choose her at the return of Nightmare Moon.

After that, the Elements of Harmony were promptly forgotten about and locked up in some chamber at Canterlot Castle.

Pinkie’s mind works in ways that no one can understand. She can often come up with the most elaborate explanations for certain situations in which most others would think of more logical solutions.

She thought a silent movie crook, James Bond, and Samurai Jack had laser-beamed a cake when there were clearly bite marks on the sides. She also somehow thought that wearing a moustache would make Applejack’s damsel in distress situation more convincing.

“Just one question.”

“Yes?”

*moustache*

“No.”

Pinkie Pie’s mind isn't the only thing that works fast. As stated before, she can gallop up to Mach 5 speeds ensuring that Rainbow Dash is given a run for her money. Pinkie can also stretch her own body like rubber, hang in midair without levitation magic, and break out of the barrier of the closing screen of an episode.

She’s also got this obscure sixth sense called the “Pinkie Sense”. With it, she can predict vague and immediate events like falling objects, mud splashes, opening doors, bee swarms, and doozies. But, even she doesn't always know the exact details behind the events that her twitches predict.

Common items in her possession include balloons, confetti, and the ever-famous Party Cannon, capable of shooting just about any supplies needed to set up a party anytime, anywhere.

She’s quite literally a party animal.

Despite her… uh, eccentric personality, she can at times recognize when her antics have gone too far and she will do whatever it takes to make sure her friends are happy. She’s even matured enough to babysit part-time for her employers.

Because nothing makes you wise up faster than raising a child. Just look at me and W!

Right! Wait, what?

“Whoosh! Loopty-loop around and SHOOM, she…”

Peacock
-Mutilated at a young age
-Blood type: B
-Rebuilt in Anti-Skullgirls’ laboratory with the Argus System and the Avery Unit
-Likes: cartoons, movies, violence, junk food, fast cars, explosives, cigars
-Dislikes: weaklings, bureaucracy, authority figures, people in general, the Skull Heart, nerds, salad, chopsticks
-Favorite TV show: “Annie: Girl of the Stars”

Originally, her name was Patricia and she was physically and mentally destroyed by slave traders. But then, Dr. Avian of the Anti-Skullgirls’ Labs put her back together.

How? With science!

The Argus System augmented her while the Avery Unit granted her access to ridiculously proportioned weaponry. Most of which defies reality.

She’s got knives, lasers, bombs, a revolver, and Cloud Strife’s buster sword just to name a few.

Peacock has a bad smoking habit and a personality that tends to revolve around her love of cartoons. This is apparent in her over-the-top fighting style and quotes she uses directly from famous scripts. Not to mention, she can summon random objects to fall on her opponents.

She can also teleport around by literally jumping through a hole in the ground. Her favorite attacks seem to involve stuffing her opponent in a bag and jumping on it, and the Argus Agony: Peacock’s version of the lasers of doom.

In spite of her… uh, questionable tastes, she does seem to have some code of morals. While she won’t hesitate to kill criminals, she does show certain affections for her friends and will do anything in her power to save them from the Skull Heart.

Specifically by killing her good friend Marie.

Afterwards, Peacock swore revenge against all the people that had made their lives miserable.

Because nothing says fun like beating the crap out of everyone!

“Garbage day!”

All right, the combatants are set! Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

But first, a little something completely different!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hk2TSYd8_M8

And now, it’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!

A little girl with rather lanky, metallic arms strolls onto the open, grassy battlefield. She then takes a moment to look around the scenery. She frowns.

“This ain’t Albuquerque!” she complains.

“Well of course it isn’t, silly!” giggles a much lighter-sounding voice. The familiar pink pony bounces onto the scene.

“This is a green meadow-like area set aside for the sole purpose of the director to pit against each other in a battle,” Pinkie Pie says quickly as if what she’s saying is common knowledge.

“Oh, yeah!” Peacock hoots as she punches her augmented fists into each other, “Time to paint the meadow red!”

“FIGHT!”

Peacock pulls a random pie out of thin air and chucks it, followed immediately by a small bomb. Pinkie Pie more than happily opens her mouth wider than possible for a pony and swallows the pie whole. Then, just before the bomb can reach her position, she spits the empty pie dish. The bomb explodes on contact with the tin, leaving both combatants intact.

“Garbage day!” smirks Peacock as she pulls out a revolver. She fires four shots. Two of the shots look more like Bullet Bills than standard bullets. Thinking quickly, Pinkie gasps in a large amount of air. Her body floats just above the bullet-riddled space. As Peacock puts her revolver away, Pinkie releases that air and starts descending.

However, while the pink one is distracted, the biomechanical child starts waving a couple of red and white pennants. A toy plane comes in and impacts with Pinkie, knocking her back a bit. Peacock follows up her strike by opening a hole in the ground and resurfacing behind her opponent. She then proceeds to conjure a large, brown sack out of nowhere and catches Pinkie inside of it. After that, she quickly performs a kicking jig on top of the bag before it bursts open.

Pinkie looks a bit dazed and there are a few scrape marks here and there on her coat. But she’s still in one piece. Peacock has plans to change that, however, by opening the top of her hat to reveal a bird, her Avery Unit.

“Argus Agony!” she hollers as multiple lasers fire from her bird and a bunch of peacock feathers that appear above her.

Shaking her head and getting back on her feet, Pinkie opens up a briefcase and lets loose several balloons. Their haphazard flight patterns actually work as impromptu shields against the scattered laser shots.

Peacock grins a little, thinking that her opponent fell for the decoy attack. However, what she doesn’t notice is that the pony’s tail is wiggling fiercely.

“Twitcha-twitch,” mutters Pinkie with eyes wide open. Donning her multi-colored umbrella cap, she quickly hops to the side just in time for a flower pot to crash on the spot where she was just standing. Then, using a graceful dance routine, she proceeds to sidestep an anvil, a clothes iron, and… an Easter Island statue?

Peacock grumbles to herself about her failed random object assault. But she’s not done yet. With a face that can only be described as ‘get her’, a bomb with feet runs up to Pinkie and starts kicking her. Peacock lights a cigar and looks away from the scene. She then casually tosses the cigar toward the fray.

What she doesn’t see is the precisely placed Party Cannon. Nor does she see the lit end of her cigar hit the cannon’s fuse. Peacock is caught in a huge blast composed entirely of confetti, streamers, hats, and cake.

Dressed as a whole party, she falls to the ground with ‘x’s in her eyes. Her right arm has somehow been detached.

Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie has somehow found a white feather and is tickling the bomb into submission. It explodes, taking the feather with it. Covered in black dust, Pinkie can only whoop and bounce.

“Woo-hoo! Let’s do that again!”

“K.O.!”

Can nothing stop this pink monster?

At first glance, Peacock had the greater chance of victory. Her cartoon antics are more violence-centered and she’s often out for blood. However, that’s where her randomness is centered: charging into battle.

Meanwhile, underneath her incomprehensible mind, Pinkie Pie is surprisingly insightful.

Pinkie often figures certain things out much faster than other people and at times finds just the right set up for dealing with problems.

Like how she was the only pony who knew how to deal with a parasprite attack.

And as Leonardo demonstrated in his Death Battles, strategy and resourcefulness trumps brute force.

Looks like Peacock was really blown away!

The winner is Pinkie Pie.

Next time on Death Battle…

They breathe fire…

They have both caused mass destruction…

And they’ve each claimed a damsel in distress…

Now, the only question is…

What the heck are we doing putting them in the same arena?

“Rawr.”

“GROOOOAR!”

Author's Notes:

This chapter was brought to you today via request by geardog.
The video belongs to DeannART2.
This chapter and the rest of this fic is non-profit.
...
And... yeah, I guess I'm doing... that chapter next time.
Could any of you spare a flame shield?
...
P.S. Special thanks to the actual guys at ScrewAttack for that awesome Goku vs. Superman Death Battle.

Double Dragon

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.

Warning: This chapter has been brought to you today by the letter “B” and the letter “S”. I’ll give you a few minutes to decipher what that means.
…
Oh good gosh. I really didn’t want to do this. How can such a peace-lover like myself cause so much pain and destruction?
…
Don’t… answer that.
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Nintendo.
---

~Dragon Tales, Dragon Tales
It’s almost time for Dragon Tales.
Come along, take my hand.
Let’s all go to Dragon Land!~

Their presence crosses mythology of all cultures and their powers are limited only by imagination. Dragons are ferocious creatures to behold.

Then, pop culture decided to make them a bit more “kid-friendly”, whatever the crap that means.

Because of this, the two dragons we pit in the arena today will only have the powers depicted by their media, not by their folklore.

Bowser, king of the koopas.

And Spike, the hero of the Crystal Empire.

He’s W and I’m B.

And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Bowser
-Dragon turtle
-Primary antagonist of the Mushroom Kingdom
-Super dense spike-shell
-Red-orange fire breath
-Down smash: can crush through certain rocks with ease
-Tends to treat his minions (and everyone else for that matter) like dirt

King Koopa, AKA Bowser, has been a constant threat to the Mushroom Kingdom.

He’s always kidnapping Peach… somehow. Why she never uses her skull-cracking soccer kick on him, I’ll never know.

Bowser leads an enormous faction of enemies specifically aiming to thwart Mario. These enemies include crushable Goombas, cowardly Koopas, misguided Bullet Bills, Magikoopas, and Bob-ombs.

But when the going gets tough, he steps into the arena himself... and man does he have fighting prowess.

Bowser has an incredibly destructive punch and fire breath that can burn all of his enemies at once. His thick, spikey shell can withstand several pounds of force. In the past, he’s been relatively slow because he’s so massive. However, he’s recently picked up a few moves that negate this weakness.

By withdrawing his body into his shell, he can spin it around like a top or curl up into a spike-ball capable of neutralizing any harm from sharp objects. He can even climb certain walls in this form.

He used to carry a magic wand, but now he leaves spells to his Magikoopas. Despite his power and position as a king, he’s not exactly a genius.

When your plans are constantly foiled by a couple of plumbers, you’d think that would be a good indication that you need to try something else. Not Bowser. He just keeps taking Peach and sending out fragile troops to invade the kingdom over and over again.

“MARIO!”

Spike
-Earthbound dragon
-The 7th primary protagonist of Ponyville
-Mystical, green fire breath
-Thick, pierce-reducing, heat-resistant scales
-Life stage: baby dragon
-Wisdom fluctuates between insightful and immature

Spike’s birth was Twilight Sparkle’s entrance exam for the School for Gifted Unicorns. Due to a distant Sonic Rainboom…

He grew taller than the frigging building! Good thing that spell wore off because he looked absolutely ridiculous.

Anyway, since then, he’s been working under the supervision of Twilight as her library assistant. He places the books in relatively the same spots, keeps the rest of the place clear of dust, and handles most of the cooking.

He tackles the one challenge that all men fear: losing their manhood. Though, I guess he’s still in the clear because he’s a dragon. Fire and a thick hide kind of come with the territory.

Speaking of that hide, Spike’s scales are thick enough to prevent bleeding from deeply embedded needles and to protect him against the intense heat of lava.

What the hell are those scales made out of?

His fire breath has developed quite a bit over the course of three seasons. Where it used to just be burning copper sulfate or boric acid (the substances that can make fire green), the fire can now be used to store certain paper items in pseudo-space.

Too bad he can’t always control what goes into pseudo-space. When he’s startled, the items react how they usually would in flames and just burn to ashes.

Technically, when Spike starts hoarding objects, his size and mass grow exponentially. However, when he’s in full-blown panic, greed is the farthest feeling from his mind.

Yeah, that means he’ll probably be stuck as a midget during this Death Battle. Hey, W! I bet you $20 that Bowser wins this fight!

You’re on, with one condition. If I win, you have to buy lunch. If you win, I have to give you the check.

Deal! … Hey, wait…

“I’ve been holding that quill for so long. I’ve got a claw cramp.”

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

It’s time for a Death Battle!

It seems that the number one assistant has lost himself wandering through a dark hallway in a location unfamiliar to him. The occasional torch just barely breaks the darkness every few steps or so. Even as he walks along, Spike can feel his knees shaking under him. His teeth are chattering involuntarily.

Why am I even here? he wonders as he looks around frantically for some way out. Torchlight marks the start of a short staircase. Left without much choice, Spike begins the ascent.

He pushes against a red door at the top and it creaks loudly as it opens. In contrast to the basement that Spike just left, this hallway is lit rather brightly. Though, the constant patterns of red banners and rugs with a monstrous face on them are a bit unsettling. The baby dragon grabs both of his arms and shivers out of discomfort. Though as soon as he sees what is at the end of the hall, his arms fall limp to his sides and his eyes are wide.

The creature on the giant throne seat glares threateningly at the one who would dare intrude in his castle. Having no minion in the immediate area, the Koopa King makes a giant leap from his seat to stand just a few feet in front of the weakling he faces. Bowser lets loose a horrid roar.

“FIGHT!”

Having faced several dangers before, Spike holds a determined expression as he knows just what to do against the bigger dragon.

“Ah ha ha ha!”

He runs away screaming with his arms in the air. Bowser gives chase, shaking the floor with every step of his heavy feet. Though, it becomes quickly apparent that the little guy would win in a foot race. The big guy pulls his arms, legs, and head into his shell before curling up. His shell becomes a giant sphere covered with his spikes. He starts to gain momentum as he rolls forward.

Looking back, Spike notices that his pursuer is catching up to him. He tries to put more into his running, but the monster sphere is still quickly approaching. More bad news is right in front of him. A brown, walking mushroom with fangs stares blankly as it walks closer. Taking in as much breath as he can while running, Spike then proceeds to exhale a small burst of green fire.

A small “plink” sound is heard as the Goomba somehow falls through the floor into non-existence, while a white ‘100’ floats upward. Spike continues to run along with the giant sphere still chasing him.

Three more problems are now floating in the way. All of them resemble yellow biped turtles with green shells and white feathered wings. Since he’s currently limited to two-dimensional movement, Spike can only jump on each of the Paratroopas rather than bob-and-weave around them.

“Excuse me! Pardon me! Coming through!” he quips as he steps on each of their heads.

The now wingless Koopas fall to the floor on their feet wondering what in the world that was. Each of them turns around to see their boss literally rolling towards them. Each of them lets out a panicked yelp as Bowser bowls over them.

Spike continues running past stone pillar after stone pillar and statue after statue. But then, he spots a large, red double-door coming up on his right. He quickly directs his running toward the door and yanks it open before heading inside.

Just about to pass the door, Bowser uncurls himself from his spike-ball form. He takes a few heavy steps and enters the same doorway.

This hallway seems a bit bland, but Spike’s worried and panicking mind make the walls appear eerily red. He’s panting a bit harder than he was when he first began running. He takes a short moment to stop and breathe.

I wonder if I lost him, Spike thinks during his moment of reprieve.

“Grooaaar!”

Guess not. As Spike looks to the source of the roar, Bowser lets loose a barrage of red-orange fire blasts. Spike childishly tries to cancel out Bowser’s fire with his own fire breath, but the green flames practically die upon contact with the much more forceful fire. The hot vapors are enough to blow Spike away and send him into a sprawled heap on an orange bridge.

Bowser chuckles in his growling tone as he starts stomping toward his intruder. Relying too heavily on adrenaline, Spike is exhausted. However, he still manages to get up and stand. Having nowhere left to run and no pony to save him this time, Spike lets loose a war cry that sounds like a child’s scream. He starts running forward as he prepares to go down fighting.

Conveniently, the camera goes off to the side where neither combatant can be seen. Hits of various sorts can be heard. The walls around shake a bit like somebody’s rumble pack. Into the camera’s view comes Spike being hurtled by his most recent bruise. Um… I don’t think his tail is supposed to bend that way. Ew…

Anyway, Bowser is starting to stomp forward again. He’s probably going to finish the job. Tired, beaten up, and weary, Spike lifts up a claw against the back wall in a desperate attempt to regain his balance. Unbeknownst to him, he ends up hitting the back wall’s switch.

One by one, the pieces of the orange bridge seem to pop like bubbles. Eventually, there’s nothing underneath the combatants’ feet. Both of them take an uncertain look underneath themselves. Both of them let out a scream of their respective pitches. Spike makes a small splash in the orange-red liquid while Bowser makes a much larger splash in the same liquid.

A skeleton in Bowser’s form flails his limbs around frantically, but to no avail. Eventually, it just sinks entirely into the lava. Meanwhile, a small bubbling patch makes way for Spike’s head to resurface. He spits out a small fountain’s worth of lava before taking a breath. He looks around, but the monster is nowhere to be seen. He sighs in relief as he rests himself against the stone wall.

“K.O.!”

Dang. They sure know how to make a splash.

There’s no question that Bowser has more upper body strength than Spike. In straightforward head-on combat, he probably would have won.

But here in Death Battle, the winner’s got to use their environment to their advantage. Time and time has proven again that Bowser doesn’t have much advantage in his own home. He could’ve stuck to stone corridor, stone corridor, and stone corridor, but no. He had to build a big old lava pit that he could fall into at any time.

As stated before, Spike’s scales are thick enough to resist the heat of molten lava which can reach temperatures as high as 2,192 degrees Fahrenheit. Bowser’s scales, on the other hand, melt right off in lava unless Magikoopa turns him into a giant. If we had allowed Bowser to have Magikoopa’s assistance, then we would’ve had to let Spike be helped by Twilight Sparkle.

Who can, by the way, copy any opponent’s spell just by looking at it.

Not to mention, Spike has extremely good luck when faced with otherwise dangerous situations, usually in the form of unexpected turnabouts.

Bowser just couldn’t take the heat.

The winner is Spike.

Of course if you have an idea for a Death Battle, feel free to leave a suggestion in a comment below.

And don’t forget to check out ScrewAttack.com for more Death Battle content.

Author's Notes:

I can't believe I just did that.
Oh well. Back to doing homework.
The content all belongs to its respective owners. This chapter is non-profit. Yada yada.
Good day/night.

Fame vs. Inspiration

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.

Here’s to you, Butterfield Pancake.
…
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and NetherRealm Studios.
---

Warning: This Death Battle may cause fainting from the mere descriptions of the combatants’ dashing good looks.

Many characters these days seem to be concerned with how good they look and how good they look in front of a camera.

For today’s Death Battle, we’ll see if one of them can put their punches where their mouth is.

Rarity, the Element of Generosity in friendship.

And the Kharacter that does all of his own stunts, Johnny Cage.

I’m W and he’s B and it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Rarity
-Species: unicorn
-Bears the Element of Generosity
-Magical specialty in finding gems
-Hobby and occupation: dressmaking
-Has a keen eye for detail
-Sometimes blind to the big picture

Last time we saw Rarity in the Death Battle arena, she gave the old narrator a new makeover and forged a partnership with Amy Rose. But for those of you that missed that hilarious result, here are some stats about her.

As a unicorn pony, Rarity is naturally gifted in magic. She can levitate several objects at once and can even perform multiple tasks with said objects while her eyes are focused elsewhere.

These tasks are typically focused around fashion and design. As for how useful this multi-tasking would be in a combat situation, the verdict is still out on that.

Rarity is someone who takes her work as an artist very seriously. In her efforts to make her work better, she’s constantly keeping an eye on the finer and more precise details. Because of this, however, she can very easily forget the main reason she was using her charm and wit to begin with.

“I was this close to getting that diamond.”

“You mean ‘getting rid of that dragon’.”

“Oh, yeah. Sure.”

Though, it would be a mistake to scoff her off as harmless. If push came to shove, she could control clouds filled with lightning, rain, and snow to give people frostbite on top of sunburns. That’s got to sting like a mother!

Additionally, Rarity has apparently learned some rudimentary martial arts of the biped form.

But… she… pony… martial arts? It makes no g**d**n sense!

One thing is for sure: She will not stand idly by while the ones she loves are threatened.

Especially if her boyfriend Spike is the one being threatened.

You don’t know that he’s her boyfriend.

Then how do you explain this?

“Fighting’s not really my thing. I’m more into fashion, but I’ll rip you to pieces if you touch one scale on his cute little head!”

Yeah, I got nothing.

Johnny Cage
-An unlikely hero of Earthrealm
-Movie star actor and karate master
-Moveset includes the Shadow Kick, Plasmic Fireball, Uppercut, Flipkick, Split Punch, and Ball Buster
-Accessory of choice: sunglasses
-Sometimes puts trophies in his dead enemies
-Cocky, arrogant, and quite full of himself

This guy is a douche… the kind of douche you only wish you could be.

After making his debut in several movie titles, Johnny Cage entered the Mortal Kombat tournament to prove that his special effects were all his own moves. He was eventually recruited by Raiden to join the forces of Earthrealm against Shao Khan.

Cage loves to bust some balls! His punches frequently revolve around hitting his opponents right in the testicles. It’s even painful enough to hurt the girls he fights. And after he’s done punching their bladder, he can punch both of their legs messily off.

While Johnny is an actor at heart, his karate skills are genuine. He can easily hold his own against the likes of Reptile, Baraka, and Kano. He tends to enhance his strength and speed with red and green shadow powers making it difficult for his enemies to find openings for counterattacks.

And like many fighting heroes, he can shoot fireballs from his hands. His take the form of green plasma. Though, they tend to be overshot if aimed at close quarter enemies.

When Johnny chooses to kill certain enemies, he has the ridiculous power to punch off their head not once, not twice, but three times in a row.

That means triple the headache!

Even when his whole world’s in danger, his giant ego can come off as rude and inappropriate.

He knows he’s one of the best and rubs it in everyone else’s face. I like his style.

“And I’m taking you down! I’m taking you down! I’m taking you out! I’m taking you out! And I’m taking you out… for dinner.”

I’m totally using that on my next date.

You go right ahead and do that.

All right! The combatants are set! Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

And because our combatants are all about good looks, this episode has been brought to you today by Jack Threads. But for now, it’s time for a Death Battle!

The Outworld Coliseum is packed to the brim with audience members. They’re all cheering for the expected bloodshed. Shao Kahn holds a much more silent form of excitement sitting on his throne. His Netherworld ally stands nearby awaiting his next order.

From the east gate, a green blur rushes in. A buff man wearing sunglasses, arm bandages, and black leather pants slide kicks into the arena. He lifts his feet back and forth in a sort of hopping motion just to show off.

“I make this look easy,” Johnny Cage smirks.

Quan Chi leans over to whisper to Shao Kahn, “Are you sure you want to do this?”

The emperor simply scoffs at the doubt, “I know what I’m doing. Bring in the challenger.”

Quan Chi lets out an inaudible sigh as a greenish flame surrounds his fist. A similarly colored portal appears just in front of the west gate. A rather befuddled pony stands upright as the portal closes. A pair of red worker’s glasses drops from her face as she looks at her new surroundings.

“My word,” gasps Rarity, “The décor of this place is absolutely dreadful!”

“FIGHT!”

Although difficult for the audience to see through the sunglasses, Johnny’s eyebrow is raised in simultaneous confusion and insult.

“Is this for real?” he asks before shouting to the sidelines, “I thought I already told my manager not to sign me up for react-to-prank videos!”

“You weak, pathetic fool,” Shao Kahn shakes his head mockingly.

“All right, then,” Johnny shrugs as his usual smirk returns, “Here it comes!”

He glides across the field on one foot, being carried by a slight green, shadowy aura. Rarity, unprepared for dealing with speed, gets kicked in the face and recoils. Johnny’s aura switches to a red hue as he performs a backflip. His second kick sends his opponent soaring. Rarity ends up face-planting into the dirt before slowly raising her head.

“It. Is. On!” she growls.

Letting out a quick war cry, she briefly flies into her opponent with a couple spinning kicks of her own. In a state of surprise, Johnny quickly finds himself on the defensive. He manages to block the flurry of his opponent’s attacks with his arms crossed, though the impact of each hit slides him back another inch.

Starting to get a little annoyed with his situation, Johnny conjures a green light orb in his right hand. With a cyclical arm sweep, he sends the plasmic fireball right into Rarity’s chin. The small explosion causes her to reel backwards in a daze. He follows this opening by running up and mashing down his kick attacks.

The newfound pain brings Rarity back to her senses. She starts throwing her hooves out in an effort to slow down the man’s advance. The blocking is mostly successful, even though she takes another punch to the side of her head before she can find a comfortable kicking rhythm. She even manages to duck under a second ball of plasma that Johnny overshot.

This is absolutely crazy! A karate master is being evenly matched by a magical pony! This is truly a fight for the ages! I never thought I’d see the day!

---
A/N: Focus!
---

Oh, right. Sorry. *Ahem*

The clash of mixed martial arts comes to a close as Rarity jumps back. With her mouth curled in a snarl, her horn glows in a light blue aura. The arena gets darker as Johnny looks up. A checkered pattern of storm clouds blocks out the sunlight. These clouds begin to release rain and snow simultaneously. The spectators now find themselves completely frozen over while Johnny gets drenched in rainwater.

Rarity alters her magical hold ever so slightly. A clap of thunder sounds as a lightning bolt makes contact with the wet Johnny Cage. Surprisingly, what suffer the most damage are his sunglasses. The shades break in two as Johnny falls onto his back.

Not one to miss a single detail, Rarity trots over to the man. She leans her head down to listen for a heartbeat. In a motion faster than can be expected, Johnny’s nut-punching arm sweeps up and hits Rarity in the area between her thighs. The collision is painful enough to elicit a scream from her.

With no hesitation, Johnny lifts his other fist into an upper cut once… twice… three times! I don’t know where those other two objects that look like Rarity’s head came from, but it’s clear that her actual head is now rolling along the floor.

"FATALITY!"

Johnny Cage stands up, takes out a spare pair of sunglasses from his pocket, and puts them on. He then proceeds to walk away from his victory like a bad***.

“K.O.!”

Oh-ho, man! Here comes the hate-mail from the Rarity fan-boys!

While Rarity does have some understanding of martial arts, this is most likely the self-defense that has little to no focus on actually murdering the enemy. In contrast, Johnny has been using his karate and special moves for pretty much his entire career.

And he’s had plenty of practice killing his enemies in creative ways. Where do you want it: the head or the groin?

Rarity had access to magic capable of manipulating the weather, which might have worked on other enemies. But Johnny’s capable of standing up against much worse conditions.

I mean, if the guy can get up after getting electrocuted by Raiden the god of *eff*ing Thunder, then a little static cling from a pony isn’t going to keep him down.

In the end, his superior fighting prowess and cheap punches proved to be too much for Rarity to handle.

~For it’s one! Two! Three heads! You’re dead against John…ny… Cage!~

The winner is Johnny Cage.

Don’t miss the next secret episode of The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody)!

---

Author's Notes:

A/N: Nothing personal against Rarity, but... yeah. I don't see her beating JC without some serious handicaps in place. Flame shields up!
All properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this.
Goodbye.

I'm Walking On Sunshine

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.

Spoiler alert: It’s been a while since I’ve written a chapter with this kind of ending.
…
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Nickelodeon.
---

~All we are saying is give peace a chance.~ John Lennon.

Television has produced and given attention to all kinds of heroes. Some of which have godlike powers.

They didn’t ask to be revered as gods of their worlds, but they ended up being treated as such anyway.

Princess Celestia: raiser of the sun and ruler of Equestria.

Aang: the last Airbender and the Avatar.

I’m W and he’s B and it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Celestia
-Alicorn Princess
-Lived over 1000 years
-Can raise the sun and moon
-Magic abilities include levitation, teleportation, conjuration, magic beams, and the fail-safe
-Flight, strength, and the Royal Canterlot tone
-Not invincible
-Has a tendency to appear cheeky and mischievous
-Never seen a parasprite before “The Swarm of the Century”

Celestia reigns as the ruler of Equestria and Princess of a diarchy.

Hulk had enough fun beating the *ess* out of her. So we decided to let her fight someone else.

Her physical form holds longevity spanning longer than the 1000 year banishment of Nightmare Moon. Yet, she’s still as agile and youthful as ever. She is one of the few currently existing ponies that can raise celestial bodies such as the sun and moon.

She’s apparently got a wide variety of magical powers. She can levitate objects, teleport, counter forbidden enchantments, fire golden laser beams, and even shoot some dark magic that’s fueled by hatred that can grow crystal pillars from a smaller crystal.

As an alicorn pony, Celestia has access to all three pony-type abilities. In addition to her unicorn magic, she can also fly with her pegasus wings and shake the ground with her hooves.

All these powers and she’s lived for over a thousand years? Is she immortal?

Not necessarily. When faced with an enemy that holds even more magic, she can be overtaken and subdued. There’s also a chance that strength in numbers of littler enemies, like the parasprites, could overwhelm her.

I don’t buy that she’s powerless. She must be trolling.

Well, she does have a tendency to pull little pranks now and again. Though, this is more attributed to her desire to be treated as an equal rather than a ruler to be feared.

Not to mention, she constantly sends six less powerful ponies to do her work for her. I can see laziness too.

I don’t know, B. Political figures like her probably have a lot of paperwork to deal with off screen.

Like all the official crap for raising a new princess to power?

Exactly.

“~For it's time for you to fulfill your destiny!~”

Aang
-Airbender and nomad
-Technically over 112 years old
-Is capable of bending all four elements: Water, Earth, Fire, and Air
-Airbending special techniques include levitation, whirlwinds, tornados, and wind spheres
-Some unusual talents: water octopus, earth armor, the dancing dragon, and Energybending
-Avatar State: gains all the knowledge and bending powers of his previous incarnations
-Prefers peaceful solutions and non-fatal ends
-Carries a staff that doubles as a glider and triples as a snack dispenser

Aang is a monk who was born and raised in the Southern Air Temple. He mostly studied under Gyatso. When Aang learned that he was the Avatar, he was overwhelmed by the responsibility of preventing a war and ran away before fully mastering airbending.

Then he cryogenically froze himself underwater as protection against drowning in a thunderstorm. When he woke up, a hundred years had passed and the Fire Nation had pretty much *eff*ed up everybody else.

With some guidance from his newly found friends, Aang accepted his destiny as the Avatar and set a course to master the Elements of Water, Earth, and Fire to defeat the Fire Lord and end the worldwide war.

This guy’s powers are all over the place. His trademark technique is the air scooter, a sphere made of wind that he can hover on and ride for short distances. He can also shoot gusts of winds, create tornados, and put Superman’s super breath to shame. His airbending also allows him to fly with his glider. Fun fact: the glider contains a compartment filled with nuts.

He can manipulate giant waves of water, create whirlpools, run across water, bend clouds, and lash out with the water whip technique.

He can levitate rocks, shift the earth into huge plateaus, create pseudo armor out of rocks and minerals, and fire off rock projectiles that he’s gathered in a single area.

While he was hesitant to learn firebending after hurting Katara, Aang soon picked up the skill again under training from Zuko. He can now disperse incoming fire blasts, create rings of fire, shoot continuous streams of fire, and perform the Dancing Dragon.

Wait… how is dancing useful in fighting?

Contrary to normal firebending, the motions of the Dancing Dragon form involve several circular techniques that enable the user to dispel enemy attacks rather than wasting energy to overcome or endure them.

Well, when Aang’s not busy dancing like a dragon, he’s also got one more power that other benders don’t have: energybending. He can literally bend the chi energy in his opponent to sever their bending ability.

It is a non-lethal finisher and fits Aang’s nature. He’s never the first one to launch an attack and is always looking for a peaceful solution to problems.

But on the days that he doesn’t let pesky mercy get in the way, look out! When he gets angry enough, his eyes glow white as he gains the incredible Avatar State.

In the Avatar State, Aang gains all the knowledge and bending power of his previous incarnations. Usually, it only lasts as long as one minute. However, after mastering chakra training under Guru Pathik, Aang was able to gain full awareness and control of this state.

Just look at that power in all of those elements! *sniff* It’s so beautiful.

"I wasn't there when the Fire Nation attacked my people. I'm gonna make a difference this time."

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

This episode was brought to you by Jack Threads. Giving guys another excuse not to get out of their house to shop for clothes. But right now, it’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!

At first, the scene is very difficult to see as it is blanketed in darkness. A lone figure spreads its wings and lifts into the air. Slowly the sun begins to rise. The audience can see the brightly colored alicorn raising her hooves up high. Her outline is highlighted by the golden light behind her.

A much different figure glides around. This one circles around to maintain its speed and altitude.

“Wow, that’s impressive!”

The wings’ speed of the alicorn slows slightly as she turns to look in the direction of the voice. After a second, a boy hanging on a glider with blue kite wings passes by.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a firebender capable of moving the sun before,” he continues.

The alicorn smiles at the boy’s slightly mistaken assumption.

“Actually, it’s magic,” she states.

“Oh,” says the boy, “That’s cool too.”

She starts to flutter slowly before eventually standing back on solid ground. The boy starts to circle around a few more times before approaching the ground as well. Some wind pressure slows his descent as he twirls his glider. It more resembles a wooden staff as he stands upright.

“I’m Aang, by the way,” he greets.

“Pleased to make your acquaintance,” she returns, “You can call me Celestia.”

“FIGHT!”

“So, what did you mean when you said magic?” inquires Aang.

“What?” The expression on Celestia’s face shows that she clearly wasn’t expecting that question. “Isn’t that what you used to fly?”

“Oh, that’s not magic,” smirks Aang, “That’s airbending.”

The boy hops while pressing his fists together. After crossing his legs in midair, a small orb made from blowing winds appears underneath his toe. It seems to carry him as he rides it around the grassy field. Celestia watches him intrigued.

“Ah,” she breathes.

Aang stops his horizontal movement just beside the princess. The orb disperses and he plants his feet back on the ground.

“FIGHT!”

“How about you?” Aang asks, “Do you have any cool tricks?”

“Hm,” Celestia pretends to think very hard, “I might know one or two.”

Her horn glows in a bright golden aura. Within a second, she vanishes completely. Another white light flashes and she’s standing behind Aang. He turns around to look. A quick flash cloaks her disappearance. She appears about three yards away. This time, she is standing on one back hoof while the other three appear to be lifted in a dramatic pose. She teleports once more. When she reappears she twirls around in a pirouette.

“Hey, nice dance moves!” claps Aang, “Want to see something the dragons taught me?”

“I said, ‘FIGHT!’”

Several minutes later…

Both boy and alicorn take steps around imaginary semi-circles. Their motions are fluid. The maneuvers consist of low kicks, high fist motions, and double air punches. Aang's dance steps are accentuated by the bursts of fire that flow outward from his motions. While Celestia doesn’t have nearly as much fire flowing, she does seem to move as symmetrically as possible with her dance partner. The two end with his fists just barely touching her fore hooves.

This final step almost reminds the viewers of a certain final step of a fusion technique from another show.

“You know what? Screw it.”

“FRIENDSHIP!”

“Friendship? Again?”

What the hell was that crap?

That was the “Dancing Dragon”, a pattern of firebending motions that allows for fluid and free-flowing strikes rather than brute force.

But they didn’t even start fighting each other with it!

It’s difficult to force pacifists into a situation where they’ll willingly fight each other. While Aang and Celestia do carry incredible powers inside, they aren’t the type to release it except in dire circumstances.

*Sigh*. Well, I guess it could’ve been worse. Fu-SION! HA!

This Death Battle is a draw.

Next time on Death- Hey, what the…?

*The screen is overtaken by static*

…

Next time we’re doing something a little different.

Both claim to be an ordinary, biological pony. But which one of them can prove it?

Author's Notes:

Whew... I managed to find something that could work for that kind of result.
After writing how somebody dies so many times in a row, you almost forget how to do anything differently.
...
That said, I've got a research paper I've got to work on. So don't expect the next chapter to be so soon. But you will see it... eventually.

Side Chapter: The Sweetest One Of All

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.
…
I’m only going to do this once. So don’t make a habit of suggesting fan-made characters.
…
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, FiMFlamFilosophy and SherclopPones.
Additional characters belong to Cardslafter and Pen Stroke.
---

*inhale* *exhale*

Um, you do know that this is a non-smoking facility, right?

Don’t care. I’m a bad*ss.

Well, okay.

N creates a slight magical barrier that prevents the smoke from flowing in her direction.

According to a recent study, Sweetie Belle is the most popular Nightly Roundup header for the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

Heh, the little singing unicorn is so popular that she’s been flattered with imitators. Today, we felt like pitting two of them together to see who’d win.

Well, F did anyway.

We give you guys the mentally advanced Thrackerzod.

And the product of witchcraft: Sweetie Bot.

She’s N and I’m F and it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Sweetie Bot
-Robot capable of recognizing sisterly love
-Has a better war face than Rarity
-Is a good racer
-Can shake the entire Boutique with her anger
-Feels funny when exposed to water
-Tumbles like a slinky down stairs

This is ridiculous! We don’t even have to analyze anything.

What are you talking about? Of course we have to. It’s in our contract.

No, look. Sweetie Bot is the *eff*ing Terminator! The *eff*ing Terminator!

Um, actually she’s a standard robot that lives among ponykind.

Which means… she’s a Decepticon, just biding her time to transform and overthrow the Autobot pony leaders!

N-no, you don’t understand.

She’s a *eff*ing Transformer! How can she be anything else?

*Sigh*. Sweetie Bot has an environmental scanner in her retinas that can recognize fabulous objects and organic, sentient beings. She also has an internal heartdrive that can save to memory one sister.

Hasta la vista, baby!

I already told you that she’s not the Terminator.

No, you didn’t.

N shakes her head and continues.

This Bot also has a Richter-scale disruption program that enables her to create small scale earthquakes which can shake the entire Carousel Boutique.

But her biggest enemy is water… and stairs. Water causes her to short-circuit and spout random gibberish. Finally, she can’t take two steps down a staircase without falling over herself like a slinky.

Wow… you actually started sounding serious.

~Transformers! Robots in disguise!~

Oh well. Easy come, easy go.

“Oh look! Our characters are so malevolent and heartless. Maybe next, we’ll hear a new, cheap catchphrase.”

Thrackerzod
-Sweetie Belle possessed by a tiny evil creature named “Taz”
-Travels only where dark dreams may go
-Snuck in through the cracks in the walls
-“A typical pony”
-Doesn’t want to plummet to her death unless it’s what typical ponies do
-Wants to kill Twilight Sparkle… I mean convert her… into a murdered pony

Let me guess. You think we don’t have to analyze this character either.

Are you kidding? Our explanation of Thrackerzod needs to be as thorough as possible!

Wha-huh?

“Taz” used to be a little evil pet of Twilight Sparkle. After escaping, it crawled through the cracks in the walls and overshadowed Sweetie Belle. Now, she has to act the part of a normal pony without blowing her cover. That isn’t so hard considering the rest of the Mentally Advanced cast is so preoccupied with their own diabolical plans.

N coughs during an awkward pause.

O…kay then. Thrackerzod is full of murderous intent, swearing vengeance on her former master Twilight. Although her voice is deeper than Morgan Freeman’s, she still manages to convince every pony that she’s one of them.

She’s apparently capable of short bursts of space-time travel, as she was able to open a locked door from the other side while inside the Rainbow Factory. However, she can’t go back any farther than a few minutes. Trying to do so leaves her in a completely indifferent and useless state.

Her understanding of modern pony society is a bit lacking, but she is a quick learner. In terms of fighting prowess beyond stealth, I’m afraid Sweetie Bot has her beat.

Maybe, but I’ve got a strange feeling that the metal Sweetie won’t win.

Either way, we’ll have to let the fight settle itself.

“I am blending in!”

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

It’s time for a Sweetie Belle Death Battle!

The camera zooms in on the top floor of the Carousel Boutique. There is a faded transition from outside the building to the inside of a room. There appears to be a little filly coloring a piece of paper with a crayon in her mouth. All the while, she is humming a pleasant tune, despite the monotone in her voice. She puts the crayon down to admire her work before singing the lyrics to her song.

~And when I am feeling down
She is there to pick me up
Hm, hm-hm, hm-hm, hm-hm
Something, something giant hat
Yes, I love my sister Rarity~

A door opens and the robotic-voiced filly looks up in surprise. Inside the doorway appears to be another filly that looks suspiciously like the first. Briefly, we get to see the world through the robot’s eyes.

Scanning…

Subject identified: Sweetie Belle

Error: Subject’s identity conflicts with existing fact

Fact in conflict: I am Sweetie Belle

The conflict must be resolved

Meanwhile, the second filly appears just as much, if not more confused than the first.

“Um,” she says in a deep voice that sounds like it belongs to a man, “I don’t remember causing a time paradox… at least, not today. Who are you? I demand a normal explanation as I am a normal pony!”

“Safeties disabled,” drones the robot, “Combat mode engaged.”

“FIGHT!”

Sweetie Bot scampers forward and wears a rather angry face.

“Show me your war face,” she demands, “Roar.”

“This doesn’t seem like something normal ponies do, but okay,” states Thrackerzod, “Yargh!”

“Gasp,” exclaims Sweetie Bot, “Subject’s war face is as good as mine. Switching to more drastic approach.”

She turns around and runs over to a toy chest. She puts her head in and starts tossing out various objects. Some of which don’t look like they belong in such a chest. The camera cuts back to Thrackerzod who has her eyebrow raised. Though, this expression is quickly changed to shock as a dead, stuffed squirrel is smacked upside her face.

“Did you just squirrel slap me?” she asks with a flabbergasted tone.

“If subject Rarity can use dead woodland critters to defend herself against war criminals, then so can I,” reasons Sweetie Bot.

“All right, you,” the demonic filly says firmly, “I didn’t want to do this since it doesn’t match the actions of a typical, magical unicorn, but you’ve left me with no choice.”

She smacks the squirrel out of the robot’s mouth and holds up her front hooves defensively.

Initiating program S.S.S.D: Sweetie See, Sweetie Do

Mechanical motions can be heard as Sweetie Bot also raises her front hooves in a defensive stance. What historical battle strategy are these two about to employ?

Sounds similar to hands rapidly clapping can be heard.

Oh… they’re just… slap-fighting. Wow.

---
A/N: Narrator, stop being sarcastic and just tell them what’s going on.
---

The narrator sighs.

The image of slap-fighting is complete with neither combatant even looking forward. Their hooves are just flailing around. Thrackerzod peeks with one eye before breaking the pattern.

“Normal pony britch slap!” she yells.

The back of her hoof smacks Sweetie Bot’s cheek and spins her a few feet. On all fours, the robot stops spinning. Tears that resemble black oil start to form under her eyes. Her mouth snarls as her eyes suddenly glow eerily red.

“I have so much strength inside of me. You don’t even KNOW what I could do,” the mechanical voice bellowed, “I’ll teach you how to FEAR me!”

Sweetie Bot starts stomping forward. Each step shakes the entire room and by extension, Thrackerzod. The filly finds a hard time getting her nerves to be still as the robot came closer. The shaking only grows fiercer as the robot starts to gallop. She head-butts the filly, sending her flying out the doorway and hitting her back against the wall.

Thrackerzod ends up sliding down the wall before landing on her stomach. A small, black, and unidentifiable shape worms its way out of the pony’s body.

In an almost comically high voice, Taz shrieks, “No amount of being normal is worth dying. AAAAAAH!”

The whatever-it-is scampers out of the scene. Meanwhile, a very mad Sweetie Bot stomps into the hallway intent on finishing what she started.

The now, non-possessed filly slowly opens her eyes before lifting her head to see what’s making all the noise. As realization dawns on her, her irises and pupils shrink in the whites of her eyes.

“Destroy! Kill! Murder!” shouts the robot, “EXTERMINATE!”

Sweetie Belle takes the deepest breath in her life before releasing an ear-splitting scream. The red in Sweetie Bot’s eyes starts to flicker. Several sparking noises can be heard from inside her body. In a blind panic, the flesh-and-blood filly runs over. She unknowingly knocks the robot onto the first stair that leads down.

“Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!” exclaims Sweetie Bot as she hits each step. There’s a sound like a metal slinky going on somewhere in the background.

At the bottom of the staircase rests a laundry basket filled with dirty soap water. The robot, in her helpless toppling, falls headfirst into the water. Sparks fly as her legs spasm sporadically. Eventually, the sparks reduce to a stream of sizzling smoke as her body stops moving altogether.

“K.O.!”

Wait… how do we call this one?

Well, I suppose technically Sweetie Bot won because she managed to overpower Thrackerzod and sent Taz running.

But then, she exploded after that resonant scream and a tumbling downstairs.

So the winner is… um…

Sweetie Belle?

Sweetie Belle.

Heh, nothing beats the original.

Heard that.

~There is nothing that we fear
We’ll have to figure out what we’ll do next
‘Til our cutie marks are here~

---

Author's Notes:

Concentrating on a term paper was harder than I thought. So, I decided to go ahead and finish this little thing up.
Enjoy!
This episode of Death Battle was brought to you today by Peeps, marshmallows that look like chicklings!
What the heck? B, how did you get in my room?
Sorry, he's drunk. I'm trying to get him home. *starts dragging B away*
...
I don't even.

Mechanical Integrity

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.

You know, I was going through a couple of the more recent suggestions in the comments. I had hoped that I had already made it perfectly clear that I am NOT writing any more Discord chapters. Please. Stop. Asking.

Thank you.
…
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Sega, and Archie Comics.
---

Get ready, sugar cubes. This here is going to be a wild rodeo.

Get along, little doggies! We’ve got us some wild-west, Southern-stereotyped cowgirls.

Who will be the most headstrong in their fight for the truth?

Will it be Bunnie Rabbot of the “Freedom Fighters”?

Or Applejack of the six legendary Elements of Harmony?

He’s W and I’m B.

And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Bunnie Rabbot
-AKA Bunnie Rabbot’D-Coolette
-Attire: Cowboy hat and jacket
-Skilled in martial arts
-Half roboticized body allows her access to telescopic extending limbs, super-strength, rocket booster flight, laser cannon, and forcefield generator
-Is not very fond of her mechanical half
-Her robotic limbs can malfunction and fall off

Standing at three-foot-five and weighing 48 kilograms is a cyborg: half rabbit, half rabbot!

Bunnie Rabbot’D-Coolette was saved from the evil Dr. Robotnik after being partially roboticized. She’s since dedicated her whole life to combating the doctor’s plans alongside Sonic the Hedgehog and the rest of the Freedom Fighters.

Yeah, like no robot would ever rebel against the Eggman… except Metal Sonic… and E-123 Omega… and Gamma during the Chaos arc.

Right. Bunnie’s cybernetics make up her left arm and both of her legs increasing her strength immensely. These limbs can be extended with their telescopic abilities… somehow.

Plus, that metal isn’t just for shine. It also carries good old robotic powers like a forcefield generator, laser cannon, and rocket boosters. But like the hedgehog for whom the show and comic are named after, Rabbot can’t swim.

And the limbs are detachable. But, when they do break off of her body, Bunnie can’t use the respective powers that are inherent to her cybernetics. Thankfully as long as they are attached, they work in conjunction with her studied martial arts and metal working prowess.

She’s also Sally’s hairdresser but really, I don’t think a hairbrush is going to be much help in a fight, especially when she’s got a laser cannon.

Despite these extraordinary powers, Bunnie is not too fond of her robotic half. In fact, future Bunnie Rabbot will become full flesh-and-blood.

What is it with certain combatants that get rid of their bad*ss powers for reasons that make no sense?

I suppose she just wants the stain of Dr. Robotnik off of her.

Yeah, I guess I wouldn’t want Eggman’s germs on me either.

“Now, don’t you worry yourself none.”

Applejack
-Also called “AJ”
-Usual attire: a cowboy Stetson and hair bands for her mane and tail
-Has participated and is proficient in all sorts of rodeo events
-Has proud lasso skills and hoof wrasslin’
-Is stubbornly prideful and takes a lot of convincing to accept help
-Element of Honesty necklace doesn’t work unless used with all five of the other Elements

I call hax on this pony.

Hax? What are you talking about, B?

There is no freaking way that an orange pony named after an apple cereal could possibly beat Chuck Norris.

We’re not here to speculate past battles. We’re here to give the new viewers insight as to who the combatants of today’s battle are.

I’m just saying.

And I’m just ignoring you. *Ahem* According to Twilight Sparkle, Applejack represents the spirit of Honesty in friendship.

That’s funny. I see her lying more often than not. Heck, that rainbow-colored horse is more honest than she is.

Blame lazy writing. Anyway, Applejack is exceptionally skilled in physical activities, outdoor sports, and rodeo events. A single hoof stomp from her can easily demolish a wooden target, yet still be focused enough to avoid breaking the apple trees that she bucks.

She *effs* apple trees?

No. You see, “buck” is the word used to describe the act of an equine kicking.

That’s what she said.

How is that...? Never mind. Her neck is strong enough to endure the whiplash of swinging an entire bale of hay through the air. She has also managed to endure the beatings of several enemies like the changelings. Plus, she is more than capable of going hoof-to-hoof against Rainbow Dash.

Just one question: How the hell does that pony play the fiddle? Hooves. String instruments. How?

*Shrug* Magic?

Darn you magical ponies.

Though she’s been shoved to the background even in her own episodes, she still manages to shine with her mature insight in many of the ponies’ unsettling situations.

“You can have amazing apples and you can have a wonderfully crispy crust. But only together can you have a perfect apple pie.”

D**n it. Now I’m hungry.

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!

It’s a nice sunny day. Flowers are blooming. Birds are chirping. Two creatures are giving each other incredulous looks. What a lovely day. (Take that back, you fiend!)

“What in tarnation are ya’ll supposed to be?” wonders the blonde, orange pony.

I wish Sugah hog were here to see this, thinks the half-metal, anthropomorphic rabbit.

“FIGHT!”

“Well whatever you are, you can go right on back to where you came from!” exclaims Applejack.

She pulls out a lasso from her saddlebag. Using her teeth, she twirls the circle of rope a few times before throwing it at the sight before her. Once the loop is snug, she starts turning in place and yanks the rope along a circular path of air. The rabbit is doing nothing but swinging around in the centripetal force.

After a few circles around, Applejack lets go of the rope letting the tied up quarry go flying. She watches the opponent fly off out of sight.

“Yee-haw!” she hollers.

Meanwhile, Bunnie Rabbot is taking the time to use the strength of her robotic arm to tear the rope off and free herself. She activates the rocket boosters in her feet to fly back the way she came. She eventually comes back and slams a landing into the ground, causing a small earthquake. The shockwave sends Applejack flipping over several feet. The pony lifts herself up and shakes out some dust.

“What in the hay?” she murmurs before realizing that the half-rabbit is back.

AJ decides to use something else in her arsenal. She pulls out a couple apples and launches them with a couple of kicks. Bunnie, however, is already activating her forcefield generator and the now apple mush slides harmlessly off the dome. The cyber-bunnie decides to take a more direct approach to deal with her attacker.

She starts running forward as Applejack decides to do the same with a gallop. Once they are in close, the pony starts delivering a few front jabs, back kicks, and tail smacks. With those robotic limbs blocking each of the attacks, Bunnie is taking very little if any damage. She soon returns the favor by letting loose a few of her martial arts counter-moves. A punch from her metal arm sends Applejack reeling back and letting out a yelp in pain.

Said pony spits out a drop of blood to the side before staring at the enemy in determined frustration. Bunnie wears a look of regret on her face before arming her laser cannon. Even though AJ has never seen a weapon of that design before, she does get the feeling that anything charging up power like a unicorn’s horn is bad news.

“Woah, nelly!” Applejack exclaims as she turns tail and gallops the other way.

Bunnie fires a few shots from her cannon. The laser fire kicks up a lot of earth and dirt as Applejack barely manages to avoid the main blasts. How her hat is still on her head during all of this, I’ll never know.

The rabbit gives up on her less than stellar aim and instead stretches her legs… literally. The rest of her body is sent forward at a pace that quickly catches up to the running pony and grabs her by the back hooves. They almost just as quickly shrink back, taking Applejack in tow. After returning to their original length, they start stretching up skyward bound.

A few stories up, and Applejack can barely identify the ground. Her hat can no longer defy gravity and falls off her upside-down head. Before she can say, “Land sakes,” Bunnie has let go and she is in free fall. The Stetson-less pony thinks quickly and pulls out her backup lasso. Giving it a twirl, she launches and aims it at the rabbit’s still outreaching cyber-arm. She stops falling just a few feet above the ground and bites into that rope for dear life.

There’s an unusual cracking sound and AJ gently falls the rest of the way to the ground. About a second later, the mechanical limb makes an impression in the ground right next to her. At first, she’s startled and absolutely horrified at the thought of a limb falling off. Then, she looks deep in thought for a moment.

She takes a quick gallop and delivers a bucking kick to the long metal legs. The vibrations move back into her, causing her shake in place. However, she’s not the only one getting the shakes.

“Woah-oh-oh-oh!” yells Bunnie as her upper body gets whipped around at the end of those long bars.

Applejack manages to still her head enough to deliver one more kick into the already wobbling legs of the half-rabbit. They start to topple a long way back. Bunnie’s back just barely misses the ground. She then starts getting whiplash and her legs swing all the way forward. She lands really hard face first into the ground.

Oh, geez. That’s going to leave a mark.

“K.O.!”

Hax! Totally hax!

Sorry, B, but that’s impossible. Applejack has no computer experience whatsoever. Even though she figured out that the laser cannon was dangerous, there was no way for her to do any reprogramming of any sort.

But she kicked the cyborg rabbit thing. That’s like… rebooting, right?

Anyway, Bunnie did have a large advantage in endurance and available weaponry, but that advantage relied on the one part of her body she disliked the most: her cybernetics. Plus, she has been known to have problems keeping her telescopic limbs under control.

How did a pony know where to aim her rope?

Well, Applejack’s had plenty of practice. In the past, she was even able to land two direct lasso strikes on Rainbow Dash while she was flying away from her. In this case, it was over as soon as Applejack took away the robotic arm, the part that Bunnie relied on.

*Sigh* I guess. She’s overtaken Chuck Norris and a freaking robo-bunny. Applejack is best pony. There, I said it!

The winner is Applejack.

Next time on Death Battle…

Did you really think the eternal night was over?

Then you thought wrong.

Author's Notes:

A little advice for anyone that has any complaints regarding the "accuracy" of how these Death Battles play out:
Why don't you write your own Death Battle fics in which the results that you want to happen are the way you write them?
Just saying.
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A Dream vs. A Wish

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.

It’s about time to put my second “main character” tag to good use.
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Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Lab Zero Games.
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Through you, I will display my power.

Through you, I am born.

You are nothing but my puppet.

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A/N: Um… Narrator? You all right, buddy?
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Do not interfere. Only the Darkness will prevail.

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A/N: O…kay, then. *backs away slowly*
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It’s like Halloween has come a little early this year and that means that the Goth chicks look even hotter than usual. Awoo! Woo!

So to entertain the theme, we’re pitting two of the darkest female combatants against each other in the Death Battle arena. Marie the Skullgirl will face…

Nightmare Moon, the bringer of a cold, endless night.

He’s B and I’m W and it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Nightmare Moon
-Alicorn
-Princess Luna corrupted by jealousy and hatred
-Wears blue armor pieces
-Magical abilities: lightning, shapeshifting, tornados
-Flight and strength
-Desires the world to be shrouded in eternal night
-Suffers from unoriginal villain syndrome

Long ago, Nightmare Moon was sealed away by the Elements of Harmony into the moon. Legend has it that on the longest day of the thousandth year, the stars will aid in her escape and she will bring about nighttime eternal.

Funny how eternity only lasts thirty minutes.

Corrupted by her jealousy, hatred, and possibly an outside source of dark magic, Princess Luna has taken on a new form to match her sister in size and power. Her plan was to shroud the world in the darkness of night forever so that the ponies of Equestria would have no choice but to appreciate it.

I guess this was before they invented the night club… and booze.

At first glance, simply making it dark out doesn’t seem like a big threat and in the short-run that would be right. But given enough time, every organism that depends on sunlight would eventually die out. Since the average Equestrian diet is 100% vegetarian, their entire source of food would be depleted and there would be very little that could survive the unusual lack of solar energy.

Slow and painful death. Now that’s evil.

Nightmare Moon possesses the strength, flight, and magic capabilities of the alicorns. She can shatter five stone spheres simply by stomping on them. She can summon lightning bolts to stun and knock back opponents.

Along with her incredible strength is her ability to shapeshift. Her favorite form is a smoke-like cloud that can move just about anywhere that holds air. In this form, she can enter solid objects. Doing so can break solid rock, alter the shape of trees, and cut through rope effortlessly.

She can also separate her gaseous form and shapeshift the pieces individually. The infamous example of this power was in the form of the Shadowbolts.

When she’s in solid pony-form, she wears a midnight blue helmet, chest piece, and hoof… shoe… things. (What am I looking at here?)

In spite of all these powers, Nightmare does have a bit of a cliché villain complex. According to data collected by a certain fiery autarch, she has a tendency to boast, monologue, laugh maniacally, and imitate Darth Vader upon her defeat.

“NOOOOOOO!”

Meh, I’ve seen worse.

“You little foal! Thinking you could defeat me!”

Marie
-Skullgirl named “Bloody Marie”
-Child slave from No-Man’s Land
-Transformed by the Skull Heart into a Skullgirl
-Attacks consist of demon skulls and summoned minions of shadows and skeletons
-Friend with Peacock
-Dislikes: the Medici Mafia and slave traders
-Skull Heart is vulnerable in her final form

Marie used to be a child slave in No-Man’s Land. This happened after her home lost the war with the neighboring Canopy Kingdom.

Then at some point, the Medici Mafia started doing unspeakable, scientific things to her best friend Patricia. She swore vengeance against that group and her previous slavers.

Unfortunately for Marie, the Skull Heart considered her wish to be impure and transformed her into a Skullgirl.

She takes on three battle forms depending on how well her health is. When perfectly healthy, she just floats in midair while being surrounded by over a dozen floating skulls. Some of the smaller ones can be launched at the enemy as slow, easily dodged projectiles that can stun the opponent on contact.

Her second form trades in her levitating skulls for a living shadow. She can send this shadow forth to attack the enemy from any direction. Additionally, she can summon a skeletal minion that will explode if the enemy gets too close.

And her attack patterns can be stacked on top of each other even in her final form. Her weak spot is the most vulnerable, but she also spams every attack she has while in this form. Some of her minions even shoot guns.

When she’s not battling, Marie will sometimes play the piano. She actually performed a recital using one of the songs from the original Skullgirls’ soundtrack.

Gotta do something with those bony fingers.

“Serve your new master.”

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!

It is a rather dark but not so stormy arena. The floor is covered with skulls. How fitting.

“Know your place,” commands the girl with skulls of varying size surrounding her. A small, blue, and burning skull floats next to her.

“Don’t you know who I am?” asks the alicorn in midnight blue armor.

“FIGHT!”

“Go forth,” Marie orders. A few human skulls start floating in Nightmare Moon’s direction.

…

… really slowly.

“You’re kidding,” Nightmare scoffs with her eyes half-open, “You’re kidding, right?”

As one of the skulls finally gets within two hoof reaches, she flaps her wings. She flies out of the skull’s reach without any effort. Just for amusement, she sparks some lightning magic and blasts the remaining skulls from their floating positions. Marie looks undeterred and just manifests more skulls to float forward just as slowly as before.

Nightmare’s form swirls around in a smoky fashion. When it clears away, she takes the form of three pegasi in full-bodied uniforms. The Shadowbolts maneuver around the skulls and deliver some quick strikes to Marie’s main body. A slightly more demonic skull with blue fire behind it is launched forward and catches one of the pegasi off guard. However, she quickly shakes off the annoying chip damage and rejoins her other two thirds in kicking Marie.

The aforementioned Skullgirl suddenly breaks up all of the skulls that were surrounding her and a weird glowing shadow essence stands sort of behind her but also sort of inside her. It’s kind of hard to describe without actually seeing it.

Marie barely twitches her finger and the shadowy essence vanishes. Without warning, it quickly reappears and sweeps through the room. This motion knocks all three of Nightmare back for a loop. Conveniently, more floating skulls are in range and hit the off-guard pegasi lightly. Still, they charge in for another barrage.

“Serve your new master,” requests Marie. A full-size skeleton appears a few feet in front of her just as one of Nightmare’s bodies hits it. The skeleton explodes and knocks the one Shadowbolt to the ground.

Marie’s shadow pulls another vanishing act before sweeping in from the ceiling. The two remaining Shadowbolts barely dodge to the side. They rush on ahead and deliver some more kicks and a fly-by on the girl’s body.

The Skullgirl has a spasm attack before her physical body can no longer hold humanoid form. She now resembles a blob-like organism with the Skull Heart gravitating all of her being toward its center. Nightmare Moon decides to pull herself together as well. The three Shadowbolts take the smoky cloud form before reuniting into one large shadowy cloud.

“Know your place!” Marie’s voice shouts forcefully.

Several floating skulls, skeletons of the explode-on-contact variety, and skeletal minions dressed up as mob gangers surround Marie. The gangers point their hand guns in Nightmare Moon’s direction. It’s impossible to see her expression, but the cloud looks unfazed and quite possibly bemused by this whole scenario.

As the various skeletal minions charge forward, the smoky cloud rapidly swirls around creating a black tornado. The skulls and other debris that resembles a bunch of skeletal systems get sucked in, spun around, and launched in several directions. Some of said debris hits the semi-blob Marie.

With the obstacles removed, Nightmare Moon reverts to her alicorn form. She charges up the magic in her horn and releases a large lightning strike against her foe. Marie breaks apart, leaving nothing but a floating Skull Heart.

“Did you not see the signs of your own defeat?” asks Nightmare Moon rhetorically.

“What… is your wish?” whispers a ghostly voice resonating from the Skull Heart.

“Wish? Pah!” Nightmare scoffs, “I have no wish that a mere skull could grant. I have all the power I need!”

She then whisks away in her gaseous form, leaving the door wide open on her way out.

…

Is that… liquid pride dripping from the Skull Heart’s eye sockets?

“K.O.!”

D**n, she’s like a pony version of Storm.

Nightmare Moon was easily able to avoid the snail-paced skulls of Marie’s first form. Although Marie’s second form’s shadow attack caught Nightmare off guard, Nightmare was able to recover quickly and maintain her fighting momentum.

In her third form, Marie looked armed and ready to skull nuke the entire battle field, but then Nightmare Moon reenacted the movie “Twister”. This took away almost all of Marie’s ammo.

And it left her wide open for Nightmare’s lightning blast.

She really cracked some skulls this time!

The winner is Nightmare Moon.

*Static fills the screen.*

Next time on Death Battle…

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Living without fear of the sword is to be unworthy of wielding the blade.

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The more light you shine, the longer the shadows become.

Author's Notes:

By the way, the Shao Kahn vs. M. Bison battle is available. Go watch it!

Feel free to leave a comment too.

Side Chapter: Darkness of Justice

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.
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Okay, as my blog post stated, I am now accepting suggestions for fan characters. If you need a reminder of the rules set in place regarding these particular battles, click here.
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Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Viz Media, TundraStanza, and Leo Archon.
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The Darkness… may still have a hold on me.

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A/N: Hang in there, Narrator. I’ll find a Keyblade and you’ll be as good as new.
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Meanwhile, in the commentators seats…

Heh, I love it when things go according to plan.

Wait, you planned this?

Of course not. I never plan anything.

Ugh, nevermind. It looks like we’ll be around more often. F’s humor will get stale quickly. I apologize for that in advance.

You know what’s really stale? The ‘fighting-for-justice’ bull crud that one of these next two fighters constantly talked about when he was first introduced.

I believe he’s talking about Kaname Tosen, the speckle of light present in enclosed darkness. He’ll be facing off against… Scootaloo?

This ought to be interesting. *Looks at the image* Wait, since when does she carry a double-katana?

Um, he’s F and I’m N.

And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Kaname Tosen
-Soul Reaper/Hollow hybrid
-A master of swordplay, shunpo, and kido
-Wields the Zanpakuto: Suzumushi, “Cricket”
-Two Shikai commands: “Cry” and “Nishiki: Benihiko” (Second Movement: Crimson Flying Locusts)
-Bankai ability surrounds a large area and robs enemies of all senses except touch
-Resurrección transforms him into a what-is-this-I-don’t-even kind of monster
-He cannot see in the normal sense

Kaname Tosen is the former captain of Squad 9 of the Gotei 13 or Thirteen Court Guard Squads. He has a personal policy of taking the path with the least amount of blood spilled and the most justice delivered as possible.

Justice, my *ss! He jumped on board Aizen’s betrayal as soon as he could.

Kaneme is physically blind. He relies on his other senses as well as his ability to sense spiritual energy to navigate and observe the world around him.

So his “blindness” is just an excuse to wear a shaded visor.

Over the years he has mastered several techniques and strategies that the Soul Society had to offer. He is quite adept with the speed technique of shunpo and a fairly high level user of the energy based kido techniques. His swordsmanship is top notch and he is well-versed in the hand-to-hand combat Hakuda. This has enabled him to overpower even his larger enemies.

When simple punches and kicks aren’t enough, Tosen calls on the power of his soul-slaying Zanpakuto katana known as Suzumushi. With enough practice, Zanpakuto can activate special powers referred to as “shikai”. Suzumushi has two shikai powers.

The first shikai ability has the release command “cry”. It releases a high-pitched tone over a wide area that overloads the hearing of anyone within range. Normal humans would fall unconscious from such an overload.

The second one is called “Nishiki: Benihiko”. After moving his sword in an arc, Tosen creates a trail of blades which rain down in hundreds upon the enemy. If that’s not overkill enough, Suzumushi has yet another power.

Zanpakuto have the capability of being pushed even further into a set of powers known as their Bankai or “Final Release”.

Suzumushi’s Bankai is Sue-she-En-ko… wait… er, “Bell Bug Final Form: Devil Cricket”.

How hard is it to say “Tsuishiki: Enma Korogi”? *Ahem* This final release starts out by spinning the ring on the sword’s guard. It then expands to Kaname’s full body size before splitting into ten rings. These rings are then sent flying outward and surround a large area of a circular perimeter. Once they are in place, they create a large void of darkness within the enclosed area. This void takes the shape of a large dome that covers both Kaname and his enemies.

Since he’s technically blind already, the dome doesn’t affect him. However, his opponent is robbed of sight, hearing, smell, and spiritual pressure. The only sense they have left is touch.

In theory, the enemy can regain all of their senses by having direct physical contact with Kaname. However, the only one known to do so is Kenpachi Zaraki.

But even that’s not the extent of this blind swordsman’s abilities.

Kaname is a Shinigami/Hollow hybrid. Somewhere during his life, he gained the powers of an Arrancar, specifically their ability of Resurrección. When Arrancar release their Zanpakuto, they gain a form similar to their original Hollow bodies and their injuries are healed.

Tosen’s Ressurección turns him into a- Good lord! What is this? I don’t even!

His Suzumushi Hyakushiki: Grillar Grillo form is very bug-like and bestial. This form grants him sight and enhances his sound abilities. Kaname can use the Los Nueve Aspectos which releases a sound-based force from nine green circles. The force behind the sound is crushing and was able to knock Sajin Komamura’s Bankai back with ease.

Fus ro dah… times nine!

Additionally, the Ressurección form multiplies his strength immensely and grants him high-speed regeneration. Finally, he can use La Mirada, a double-burst form of the Cero attack used by many high level Hollows. In Kaname’s case, the attack originates from his eyes.

Cero basically amounts to “I’m a firing my laser! Blagh!”

“My eyes can only see one path and that is the path with the least amount of bloodshed.”

So, how exactly do all of your powers lead to that path?

Well, restraining oneself until the closing battles helps.

I was being rhetorical.

“I will use every amount of justice in my being.”

For the love of *gee*, shut up!

Scootaloo
-Pegasus filly that still struggles to fly
-A master of scooter tricks and dancing rhythm
-Wields the Zanpaktou: Kagehime, “The Shadow Princess”; Due to a Muramasa incident, Kagehime’s spirit can manifest in the physical plane as a unicorn wearing chainmail armor
-Scootaloo can use flash step and Shadow Blade
-Bankai coats her in armor and allows her extra shadow-based techniques
-A rookie kido user
-Would probably die if caught in two Cero blasts in a row

Wait… this is Scootaloo. Neither of these combatants are fanon.

Actually, I was looking through the information they tossed our way. Apparently this Scootaloo is from “an alternate future of ‘Through the Eyes of Another Pony’.”

She’s from a fanfic of an alternate future of my universe? *narrows eyes* Oh, I know a certain alicorn author that I’m going to barbeque tonight.

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A/N: EEP!
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Anyway, just like canon Scootaloo, this one is capable of riding her scooter by flapping her wings to create a motor noise. What’s different is what else she can do. Once Hollows started showing up in her world, she was given the ability to wield a Zanpaktou. Hers is called Kagehime. She can summon it out of thin air and return it to non-existence as needed.

Sounds of fire blasts can be heard in the background as well as an occasional screams.

Its shikai release command is, “Shroud the world in darkness.” Upon release, the katana gets covered in a dark aura and transforms into two katana blades attached to the same hilt. Kagehime’s special ability is the Shadow Blade technique. This launches several blades made from shadows as projectiles that can usually do a moderate amount of damage. Though, several need to hit their target before they can be considered lethal.

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A/N: Somebody help me!
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To activate her Bankai, Scootaloo drops the released Kagehime into her shadow. After doing so, her shadow wraps around her body and gives her a suit of chainmail armor. Now, in addition to shooting the Shadow Blade, she can use other moves involving the shadows in her environment.

It kind of sounds like F is shouting, “Burn, mother*eff*er!” somewhere in the distance.

The Shadow Strangle lets her summon a dark, ghastly limb that chokes the enemy. The Shadow Step lets her vanish from one place to anywhere within sight that a shadow is touching. She can literally sink into a shadow to reduce physical damage. Finally, the Kage Bunshin lets her summon shadow clones of herself.

F is back.

You know, I bet the creators of Naruto would sue if they found out.

I don’t know. Naruto isn’t exactly the first character in existence to have the power to create copies of himself. I’m also fairly certain he won’t be the last.

Yeah, he’d probably get sued by Tien Shinhan for copying his Multi-form technique. Anyway, what’s left on Scootaloo?

Like Kaname, she’s capable of using flash step, or shunpo. She’s also a rookie kido user capable of using the disintegrating circle Horin and the six petals of light Rikujokoro.

Is there anything she can’t do?

Well, she does lack the spiritual strength of some of the other characters. There aren’t any obvious weaknesses, but she can be worn out if the battle is too prolonged.

Isn’t that true for everyone?

“True despair… oh yeah. I know what that’s like.”

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

It’s time for a Death Battle!

The sound of a motor running fills the air. A lone pegasus filly is riding her scooter feeling the excitement of going faster. A toppled over cart acts as the perfect ramp for her wheels. She performs a 360 before touching back down to the ground and continuing on her way.

On the other end of the road, a lone figure enters the scene as a large, black tear in reality closes up behind him. His eyes are covered, and he wears an orange scarf. His face betrays no sign of expression.

Aizen’s orders were to eliminate a target of minor significance, he thinks quietly, I only sense one other soul in this area. I suppose I must.

Suddenly, the filly’s eyes open wide as a jolt briefly crosses the background. Not a second later, she makes a sharp right turn just in time for her scooter’s back wheel’s to be sliced off. The broken vehicle makes a sudden stop on its side as she goes tumbling. She shakes off the dust and takes off her helmet before looking at the other presence.

The man holds his sword in a battle ready stance.

“Justice is always there and the path I follow is justice,” he states to everyone and no one.

Not interested in getting turned into shish kabob, the filly calls forth a katana of her own and somehow holds it in her hoof.

“Let’s go, Kagehime,” she tells her sword.

“FIGHT!”

“Cry, Suzumushi,” Kaname Tosen whispers.

A high-pitched screech fills the speakers of many audio systems while the screen briefly flashes photo negative. Scootaloo’s eyes open wide as she slowly falls over to her side. The man runs over with his sword still in hand.

I will try to make this as quick and painless as possible, he thinks.

The screen goes dark as the sound of a swinging sword slashes the darkness. Though, the implied attack is interrupted by a clashing metal sound.

“Lady Scootaloo!” shouts a woman’s voice.

Scootaloo’s pupils return to their normal size as she looks at the scene in front of her. A unicorn wearing chainmail armor pushes Kaname back with a sword of her own. Tosen pats the ground with his free hand before back flipping into a standing position.

“You must get up,” advises Kagehime’s spirit, “This fight has yet to begin.”

The armored unicorn vanishes as a new aura starts radiating from Scootaloo’s katana. The filly nods in determination and quickly straightens back up. She holds her weapon off to the side.

“Shroud the world in darkness, Kagehime!”

The weapon’s radiating aura turns a purplish-black as a second blade starts growing out of the handle’s opposite end. Her sword is now a double katana.

“So it’s safe to assume you won’t go quietly,” Kaname takes notice. He jumps into the air and slowly swings his sword in an arc trail. “Suzumushi Nishiki: Benihiko!”

Hundreds of loose blades start raining down in the direction of his opponent. Meanwhile, a shadowy circle has formed in front of her weapon.

“Shadow Blade!” Scootaloo announces as hundreds of physical shadows in the shape of sword blades fly. The Benihiko and Shadow blades collide and throw each other off course. They get lodged in various sections of the ground and the surrounding buildings.

Somewhere in the commotion, both combatants have vanished. They reappear at one end of the screen clashing blades. A split second later, they are in another position crossing swords. This act of vanishing, reappearing, and attacking continues all over the place. All the while, crashing metal can be heard. Shunpo battles are hard to follow even with cinematic timing.

At some point, the Zanpakuto and Zanpaktou wielder reappear a fair distance away from each other.

“You’re more formidable than I thought you’d be,” comments Kaname.

“I could say the same about you,” responds Scootaloo.

“But the time to play is over,” he states as he holds his katana upright. The ring in the cross guard starts spinning and growing in size. “Bankai.”

Multiple rings start to form around. With a swing of his sword, Kaname sends the rings all around the large road’s four-way intersection. Scootaloo just looks confused even as the rings start emitting a darkness field. Soon the large area is engulfed by an enclosed dome. On the inside, colors have been adjusted to represent how dark it is.

“Suzumushi Tsuishiki: Enma Korogi,” he whispers.

What’s going on? Scootaloo wonders with her eyes opened in bewilderment, I can’t see anything. Come to think of it, I can’t hear anything either.

She lets out a gasp as a gush of liquid spills out of a straight-lined slash on her side. Behind her, Kaname shakes some of the fresh blood off of his sword.

I got hit? Scootaloo asks in thought, But I didn’t even sense his spiritual pressure.

“Are you afraid of the dark?” Kaname inquires knowing full well that his opponent can’t hear him, “I wouldn’t know what that’s like since darkness has been my world for as long as I can remember.”

Experimentally, Scootaloo tries swinging her double katana in one direction. She yelps as she gets another bleeding gash in her other side. Kaname finishes his hit by shaking off his blade again.

“Your reaction time is too slow,” he points out, “You cannot see me, hear me, or even sense my spiritual pressure. Surely, even one who can physically attack with the shadows must be afraid of a darkness of this level.”

I’m fighting in the dark here, she mentally grumbles before the thought replays itself in a slightly different way, Wait… I’m fighting in the dark.

She smirks as she holds her weapon behind her.

She’s smiling, notices Kaname, but why?

To his surprise, she lets go of her double katana. It sinks into the shadow beneath her.

“Bankai,” she smugly declares.

Some of the very darkness floats up around her body. It wraps itself in a distinct pattern before taking a more physical form. The chainmail armor of the unicorn from earlier is now snugly fit on the pegasus filly.

“Tsukikura Kagehime,” she addresses her Bankai.

Following her sword’s example, Scootaloo’s whole body sinks into the floor. Kaname just stands there having no idea what is going on. The camera shifts over to a shaded view of his back.

“There you are!” proclaims Scootaloo’s voice. A shadowy arm suddenly reaches up and grabs Kaname’s neck. He chokes while attempting to grab the arm and pull it off.

“Kage Bunshin!” her voice shouts. Suddenly, several armored fillies that look just like Scootaloo appear surrounding their target. Each of them raises a hoof, summoning a shadowy circle in front of them. In the next second, Scootaloo’s clones are firing several Shadow blades at Kaname all at once. He lets out a painful yell.

The camera’s screen returns to the outside of the dome. Said dome is starting to rip away and is deflating like a popped balloon. The rings on the edge disperse. One more Scootaloo appears next to her copies. A bleeding, heavily breathing Kaname Tosen stands in the middle of them all.

He puts a hand up to his face. The army of Scootaloo stands with their guard up. When Kaname removes his hand, a white mask with only a fanged mouth hole is covering it. He lets out an angry roar as spiritual energy surrounds him. Scootaloo and her clones hold up a hoof each to cover their eyes. Some of the surrounding buildings start crumbling away.

When she can see again, she lets out a choking gasp. A completely different creature is standing where the man was standing just a moment ago. It is covered in black fur. There are four clawed arms and large insect wings on its back. A long furry tail is shooting out behind it. Its head is somewhat of a nightmare. The shape is sort of like a cricket’s and its two eyes are bright orange.

“Suzumushi Hyakushiki: Grillar Grillo,” the creature speaks.

Scootaloo is both appalled and confused at the sight before her. So much is the case that she doesn’t even do anything to stop the creature from drawing green circles in the air. The circles begin to line up before focusing a large blast of sound at the ground. The sheer force causes some of the shadow clones to burst into puffs of smoke. The original Scootaloo physically sinks into her shadow just as the ground around her starts crumbling.

More houses start getting toppled over and the dirt road looks like a rocky road as the sound recedes. The filly’s shadow rests upon the top of one of the large, loose rocks. She starts to rise up again. Her breaths are heavy as the chainmail armor starts to crumble away. Her double katana rests in her hoof’s grasp. That last round really took its toll on her spiritual energy.

With one last act of defiance, she holds up her free hoof in the direction of the “resurrected” Kaname.

“Bakudo 61: Rikujokoro!”

Six large rectangular bars pinch into his torso ensuring that he can’t go anywhere.

“Shadow Blade!”

Another barrage of blades of shadow collides with the bug-beast. However, once she’s expended herself, Scootaloo looks up to see that the small damage that she just inflicted is healing up rather quickly. The Rikujokoro’s time has also expired, freeing his torso.

“That tickled,” mutters Kaname with no hint of amusement.

Two green orbs of light appear, one in front of each of his eyes. They then merge into one large orb floating in front of the center of his head.

“La Mirada!” he declares.

A giant green laser beam shoots across the debris and washes over Scootaloo and a distance of several feet behind her. Faded from view, one of Kagehime’s blades breaks.

There is nothing but a pile of smoldering ash and a sword without a hilt where there once was a filly.

“K.O.!”

That’s got to be one of the longest Death Battles I’ve ever seen.

Indeed, F. There was a lot going on. Kaname tried to finish the battle quickly with his conscious-rending Shikai, but Kagehime’s own spiritual force gave Scootaloo the strength to get back on her feet.

Then their projectile attacks were evenly matched. This forced them into testing each other’s shunpo speed and katana strategies. What could be seen was basically how normal human eyes would perceive a Dragonball Z fight.

Scootaloo gained an advantage by merging with the shadows of Kaname’s Bankai dome. Physical touch is all that’s required for the opponent to regain their senses. Since Kaname is constantly touching the dome’s floor, Scootaloo was constantly in touch, granting her the senses needed to deliver some deadly attacks.

But after that, Mr. Justice put on his healing factor, beast mode mask and pretty much ended the battle right there.

Scootaloo’s efforts were impressive, but her diminishing strength was no match for Kaname’s high-speed regeneration and his Cero La Mirada.

Hey, does anyone want some fried ch-?

N’s eyes suddenly glow bright white.

Don’t you dare finish that sentence!

Ch-ch-child? *sweat drop* Eh-heh.

N’s eyes return to normal and she smiles innocently.

The winner is Kaname Tosen.

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A/N: *cough* *cough* I knew I should've packed an extra flame shield today. *Laying on the floor in pain.*
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Author's Notes:

Why did I spell Zanpakuto/Zanpaktou two different ways? Well, it was kind of a stupid thought I had while writing "Nothing Probably Goes on Forever Too". I figured I could give it at least a little differentiation from the original Bleach. In any case, Zanpakuto is show canon. Zanpaktou is my head-canon.

Special thanks to Leo Archon for the original idea of Kagehime.

Stay chilled, my friends.

Side Battle: Twilight Sparkle's Rivals and Their Bling

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.
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If you need a reminder of the rules set in place regarding side battles, click here.
…
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and geekladd.
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Hold on a minute. I thought this was a side battle. Why am I not seeing F and N here?

Many fictional artifacts have incredible powers. Often these powers are abused by the reoccurring antagonists.

Jewelry: the devil’s plan to wipe out all wallets of men in love.

*static*

Wait, what’s that?

*static*

Oh, there they are. I wonder what that was about.

You know, I’m really getting tired of watching villains use Deus Ex jewelry to boost their powers. If they’re so powerful, why don’t they just rely on their own strength?

Beats me. In any case, we’ll be pitting together two powerful magic users that abuse the artifacts that they have acquired.

*static*

What the *eff* is going on?

*static*

Hold on to something!

*static*

I don’t like the look of this!

*static*

…

What the…? I… they… but they… what?

Why are there two extra chairs in this room and why are there two ponies sitting on them?

Wait a minute… F looks at his own hoof. No, I’m still in Equestria, kind of. So how are there other people that haven’t been turned into ponies here?

Hang on. Let me check something real quick. Papers are shuffled. Huh, how about that?

It seems that the canon of the combatants is questionable. N is also looking at a piece of paper.

So they’re having all of the hosts commentate about the facts…

… in the possibility that this battle is between canon and/or fanon characters.

Well…

This is awkward. Let’s do this!

The Alicorn Amulet shall fight alongside its wielder: the Great and Powerful Trixie.

The Princess Crown will be worn by Equestria Girls’ antagonist: Sunset Shimmer.

He’s W and I’m B.

She’s N and I’m F.

And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills.

To find out who would win a Death Battle.

Trixie w/ the Alicorn Amulet
-Bearer is corrupted by evil
-Red eyes and magical aura
-Can cast high-level spells such as age spells, wing growth, fashion disasters, and removal of Flash animated items
-Implied that a writhing in agony spell is possible
-Amulet can only be removed by the one wearing it

Trixie started out as a traveling performer proclaiming herself to be the most powerful unicorn in Equestria.

But then an actual constellation bear came to town and made her story look like bull*ess*t.

After losing her credibility and cart, she turned her life to revenge. She worked on a rock farm and saved up to buy the forbidden Alicorn Amulet from a dark alleyway merchant.

Apparently, goody-two-shoes that don’t call her out or heckle her are more suitable targets for revenge than the actual critics. Why did she want revenge on Twilight and pay no mind to removing Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity from the picture? *mocking tone* Since I got upstaged by a workhorse, a weather manager, and a fashion pony, I’m going to take it out on the one person that held back and ran away from my first challenge. *sarcastic tone* Yeah, that makes a whole lot of sense. Pfft.

Anyway, the Alicorn Amulet holds a nearly infinite supply of magic. In the case of Trixie, it gives her the power to cast higher levels of spells that she could not perform on her own. The catch is that it makes the user completely evil and gives her a megalomaniac complex. Also, the amulet cannot be removed by anyone except the wearer.

A black and red necklace that holds a menacing red eye and turns every aura red can’t possibly be evil.

B, you seem a little heavy on the sarcasm today. Is something wrong?

Nah, my ex-wife just walked by me yesterday. She was wearing a non-matching pair of red and black ear rings and some blood-red contact lenses. Long story short, she’s now pushing up daisies.

Uh… I’m sorry?

Forget about it.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie does not trust wheels.”

Sunset Shimmer w/ the Princess Crown (w/ the Element of Magic gem)
-Grants the wielder immense magical energy
-Transformed Sunset Shimmer to more reflect her ill-intentioned heart
-Can brainwash multiple people
-Somehow grants the powers of all six Elements of Harmony to Twilight Sparkle and her five friends
-Crown can only be removed by… anybody

Sunset Shimmer was a former student of Princess Celestia. For reasons unspecified, she found it necessary to turn to the ways of evil and steal Mom’s crown.

That’s kind of weird considering the Elements of Harmony are only supposed to be connected to their chosen bearers. How in the world did Sunset Shimmer know for sure that it would actually empower her?

She’s apparently been in a human world for quite some time. She was crowned Princess of the Fall Formal for three years in a row at Canterlot High School.

Again, how? All she does is creep around closing doors and flick new girls in the nose.

Sunset has a fairly high-level of magical expertise as she is capable of brainwashing multiple students into being her slaves.

Pfft. Some level. Being a unicorn means nothing when the portal to the human world transforms you into a magicless entity. Heck, the crown does more magical crap than she does. It even transformed her into a bat-winged, demon… thing. She really expected to take over the world looking like that? With an army of anorexic teenagers? I mean come on. That makes even less sense than shrouding the world in eternal night.

N looks at him funny.

N-not that I’m calling death by a sunless cold a senseless plan. That actually had some deep, hidden consequences in store.

Anyway, the crown isn’t exactly tight-fit like the Alicorn Amulet. In fact, it seems like it can be removed from the wearer’s head by just about any pony.

Or anyone.

Still, if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that you should never underestimate people and ponies like Diamond Tiara. Just when you think they’ve done the worst possible thing to you, they come up with something worse.

Wait, I thought we were talking about Sunset Shimmer.

Yes, I was just referring to how similar she is to Diamond Tiara.

You mean she also has Snips and Snails as her b*****s?

Never mind.

“You want to be a princess here? Puh-lease.”

All right, the combatants are set.

Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

It’s time for a Death Battle!

A lightning bolt crashes. It briefly lights up the battlefield. A crowd of ponies watch from conveniently placed bleachers on the sidelines. On the right, a unicorn pushes back her hood and her eyes briefly glow red. On the left, an oppositely colored unicorn levitates a crown to her head.

A huge column of eerie energy swirls around the second unicorn. When it finally clears, sparks dance around her new form. It looks like a weird cross between a demon and a hell spawned changeling.

I think I’m going to puke.

“FIGHT!”

Trixie’s horn glows crimson red as a cart behind her does the same. She sends the cart hurtling toward her opponent. Sunset Shimmer is hardly impressed. An aquamarine glow from her own horn sends the flying cart off course and crashing to the side.

Trixie alters her casting slightly in order to pile up the storm clouds that are already overhead. In less than one second, Sunset and the ground within her immediate area are covered in snow. A pair of bat wings pop out of the snow and lift the rest of their owner out. Sunset takes to the sky and casts a spell at the crowd. Their eyes all glow in an expressionless light.

In a very slow fashion, the ponies start climbing out of their seats and wander lazily toward Trixie.

…

This is… really slow.

…

Bathroom break!

2 minutes later

Man, they’re still going. I’m so excited that I forgot to cheer. Come on! Move faster!

It appears that Trixie’s patience runs out just as mine does. She casts a red spell that swirls around all the incoming mind-controlled ponies. They all rise into the air before falling again. Some of the ponies now resemble Granny Smith’s age. The others look no older than Pound and Pumpkin Cake. Either way, the crowd is now incapable of any forward movement.

Trixie then turns her attention to Sunset Shimmer directly. The latter barely dodges two of the former’s red spell bolts. A third magical arc, however, goes right into Sunset’s body. She lets out a scream so loud that even a banshee would cover their ears. Sunset is slowly brought down to the ground on her knees, still screaming in agony.

Distracted by her own searing pain, Sunset doesn’t notice when Trixie teleports over and smacks the crown off her head. Without the extra magic, Sunset returns to her original, wingless self.

An evil thought runs through Trixie’s mind. She uses her magic to take hold of a piece of the smashed cart from earlier. She uses the sharp end to stab her enemy thirty-seven times. Sunset collapses and is no longer breathing. Trixie lets out a clichéd, villainous laugh.

“K.O.!”

Mom! Trixie’s turned evil again!

“I’m on it,” replies Twilight with several wheels in tow.

Sheesh, the knock-off villain beat the movie villain.

Dude, what are you talking about? The Great and Powerful Trixie is not a mere knock-off villain! She’s the best villain that ever lived!

Uh, guys?

So the pyromaniac is trying to tell me that this wannabe rival to Twilight is a more legit villain than any other bad guy in any other form of media?

Guys?

Who are you calling a pyromaniac, Mr. Shotgun?

You want to come over here and make something of it?

Don’t mind if I do!

*Sounds of shotgun pellets and fiery explosions can be heard somewhere.*

All… right then. Moving on, this battle had to be decided on a relatively fair playing field. Since we didn’t see any of Trixie’s actual abilities in the movie, we had to move them to an existence in which both of them had known powers.

Since Sunset Shimmer was a student of Princess Celestia, we could safely assume that she at least had the usual abilities of a unicorn while in Equestria.

As for the items themselves, there was one distinct advantage in terms of removability.

The Alicorn Amulet could only be removed by its wearer. So, there was no chance that Trixie could lose it in the middle of the battle.

In contrast, the Princess Crown does not fuse with its wielder and can be taken off by external forces.

Combined with Trixie’s more versatile array of spells, Sunset Shimmer didn’t stand a chance.

My crown’s off to you.

Hee hee. That was a pretty good line, W.

The winner is the Alicorn Amulet with Trixie.

Next time on Death Battle…

Awoooo...

“I know it’s just a trifle, but it would mean a lot if I could see you again.”

…

“Hup! Ha! Sayaa!”

…

“You get to start a new life there. Whether it’s happy or sad is up to you.”

…

“You must use your courage to seek power… and find it you must.”

Author's Notes:

Now that I think about it, I'm not so sure that this was a good idea. Oh well. Live and learn.

Side Battle: Strangers, Curtains, and Courage

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.
…
If you need a reminder of the rules set in place regarding side battles, click here.
…
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Nintendo, and Io.
---

You don’t even know how many hours of sleep I lost on the research of The Blue Stranger, The Red Curtain alone. I… *flop* zzzz…

The sword is a rather iconic weapon of the hero’s journey. Anyone can pick one up and swing it, but it takes years of practice and honing to master it.

F exhales some smoke.

It’s been used as both a savior of lands and a tool of revenge. Today marks the clash of those opposing ideals.

The legendary killer Aoi shall cross blades with Link, the hero of Hyrule.

I wonder which “lazy pony” came up with that idea?

He’s F and I’m N and it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Aoi
-Full name: Aoi Myoujin
-Anthro wolf (formerly human)
-Swordsman and swordsmith
-Wushu martial arts and movement anticipation
-Wields the katana “Kokuryū no saishū-bin” (Last Flight of the Black Dragon)
-Special attacks include Zantetsuken, Tsuibangeki, Kami no Mukui, Tengoku no Girochin, and Shinigami no Toiki
-Can survive a fall from the top of a 20-story building
-Can’t beat S.W.A.T.

I must say that The Blue Stranger, the Red Curtain has a way of confusing the reader something fierce. You’ve got a setting with at least three different characters. Somebody says something, but you can’t tell who is saying it because that quote is right next to a different character’s actions.

F, we’re not here to be story critics. We’re supposed to be explaining who this guy is and what he can bring to a fight.

Fine, whatever. Go ahead and do that, N.

Aoi Myoujin is a 24-year old former human. Even though he didn’t start a formal education until the age of 13, he did study various subjects prior to that. Due to his parents death at a young age, he took up residency at one of the Asura provincial shrines. He studied kendo under the master Ryo Misuru for three years and picked up several Wushu martial arts while studying abroad in China.

Some private agency from the U.S. hired him as a contract killer. But after taking vengeance on one particular criminal, he must have gotten attention in the wrong way because the SWAT was soon on top of his **s.

A mysterious stranger offered Aoi a chance at a new life. When he next awoke, he was in Equestria and had been transformed into an anthro wolf. The Chessverse had acquired a new piece.

This wolf’s skillset is crazy. Not only can he smith swords, but he can slice and dice opponents with next to no effort.

His weapon of choice is a katana called Kokuryū no saishū-bin, “The Last Flight of the Black Dragon”. It was forged from a combination of steel and one scale from the first dragon that Aoi ever slayed. This powerful blade complements his special attacks such as the chain-cutting Zantetsuken, the earth-shattering Tsuibangeki, the far-reaching Shinigami no Toiki, and the silent but deadly Muon-Gatana. That attack literally creates a vacuum behind its swing.

Did I mention this guy can survive a fall from the top of a 20-story building?!

He’s certainly impressive in the battlefield. He doesn’t let his colorblind, blue eye bother him. Despite his killing potential, he does have some morals such as allowing his allies deliver the judgment upon their enemies. Thus, he was able to gain the trust of Keith and Eol fairly easily.

Even though Equestrians don’t normally wear clothes, Aoi prefers to wear a traditional Japanese dobuku.

And according to Eol, Aoi may very well fit the description of the legendary white wolf that shall lead his people to freedom against the tyranny of the dragons.

Well, if nothing else, I’m sure that someone will interpret his crush on Rainbow Dash as a reason to write more clop.

You just had to ruin the momentum. Didn’t you?

“Watashi wa Aoi Myoujin gozen.”

Link
-Human with the appearance of an elven race
-Marked with the Triforce of Courage
-Wields the Master Sword
-Boomerang, bombs, hookshot, Hero’s bow and arrows: regular, light, ice, bomb
-Red ring: +75% defense; Golden gauntlets: can withstand 1000+ tons of pressure; iron boots: enable Link to hold his ground against a Goron; Pegasus Boots: increased speed and jumping height
-Hylian Shield is indestructible
-10 generations worth of battle experience
-Relies on inventory more often than actual strategy

Link is the legendary, multi-incarnate hero of the Hyrule Kingdom. He has battled the forces of evil for over ten generations.

Each boy in a green tunic is “Linked” to each other by the Spirit of the Hero. This grants him the strength and combat prowess of his previous generations. He is a master of all kinds of weapons and magic. Specifically, he wields the iconic Master Sword.

The Master Sword is a double-edged blade created by the goddess Hylia for the sole purpose of repelling evil. It can deflect light-based attacks and shoot beams of light energy when Link is at full strength.

I’m not sure why that beam attack disappears after he takes a hit, but it can still use the Skyward Strike when he needs it.

Additionally, the sword draws magical energy from three medallions. However, the Master Sword is only his first weapon.

Yeah, this guy’s unreal pockets hold a hookshot that can grab vine walls or bring loose objects to him. He also carries a crap-ton of bombs, the Gale Boomerang, the Hero’s Bow and another crap-ton of arrows of various types.

To defend himself, Link wears several different items. The Red Ring boosts his defense by seventy-five percent. The Hylian Shield is indestructible and can withstand any attack of any type. The Golden Gauntlets increase his endurance and lifting strength. He also carries three different types of boots.

I’ll never understand how this guy can take off and put on shoes so fast. His Hover Boots allow him to stand in midair. The Iron Boots weigh over 130 pounds. The Pegasus Boots increase his jumping and running speed to superhuman levels.

The goddesses have also granted help to Link in the form of the Triforce of Courage. It allows him to overcome impossible odds, solve temple-sized puzzles, increase his reaction time with Z-targeting, and the strength to throw a Goron with ease.

His puzzle-solving allows him to exploit enemy weaknesses even when there is only one such weakness.

Link heavily relies on his arsenal and rarely plans ahead before a fight.

But that’s hardly ever a problem. I mean look at this guy wielding a sword twice his weight against an enemy three times his size!

There is no doubt that Link is a hero of the ages.

The Hero of Time!

In lieu of a quote, a scene is shown of Link opening an item chest.

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

This episode was brought to you in part by Sparkle Cola. Giving us all radiation poisoning 0.1% at a time. But right now, it’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!

The camera pans out to view a large, open forest. Both combatants unsheathe their blades and stand at the ready. A lens flare blinds the cameraman before the bold red letters appear.

“FIGHT!”

The blonde in green starts running forward. The white wolf does as well, though with quicker footfalls and a slightly faster pace. He suddenly stops in place and holds his blade out to the side.

Shinigami no Toiki

With a split-second sweep, the trunks of several trees around Aoi start to timber. Link’s Hylian Shield is being held in front of himself. That saved him from the wide radius decapitation.

Link uses the noise of the trees collapsing to hide his sidesteps. He rolls around behind and delivers an upper slash at the wolf. Cut, but not beaten, Aoi quickly retaliates with a flurry of sword stabs and slashes. Although Link is forced to step back, he manages to block the onslaught with a combination of his shield and the Master Sword.

Muon-Gatana

Aoi’s next strike with Kokuryū no saishū-bin is too quiet for the audience to hear. There is a small pocket of air forming around the blade that leaves the space behind it empty. The force of the strike forces Link back a few feet, shield still taking the brunt of the blow.

At this distance, Link pulls out the Hero’s Bow and starts firing a volley of arrows. The projectiles’ speed is slowed down cinematically to allow us to see how Aoi sees them. He dodges a couple arrows to the right and a couple more to the left. He reaches up his hand-paw and catches the fifth arrow launched. Mockingly, he throws it back to its sender.

Link’s shield deflects the arrow, but this gives time for Aoi to start hopping through tree branches. In an instant, Link is wearing the Pegasus Boots and starts matching his opponent’s quick pace. With Z-target aiming, he hurls his Gale Boomerang. It’s tornado-like force grabs a large, loose branch and heads straight for Aoi.

The white wolf notices this. In a surprise move, he presses a foot against the tree in front of him and launches himself facing the boomerang and its cargo.

Tengoku no Girochin

He spins in the air while reaching his katana outward. The spinning slash cuts right through the incoming attack. The tornado is reduced to a small gust. The boomerang is in two pieces. The wood it was carrying is in splinters.

Link makes a daring leap toward the airborn Aoi. His Master Sword is held straight in front of him. Aoi, however, makes a midair somersault. He aims Kokuryū straight below him and on top of Link.

Tsuibangeki

The warriors immediately descend vertically. Upon impact with the ground, much of the rocky floor is cracked and displaced.

“Augh!”

As the dust clears, we see that Link’s eyes are closed. A drip of blood runs over his bottom lip.

Aoi gets up, sheathes his katana, and starts to walk away. The camera starts to zoom out from Link. His sword his held off to the side. His shield is held with his other hand over himself.

His eyes snap open.

Slowly, he pushes himself back to his feet. Grunting, he pulls out his bow again and fires an arrow in the departing wolf’s direction.

Aoi doesn’t even flinch as he catches this arrow in his paw. Though, his red and blue eyes quickly open wide. A strange hissing noise is emitting from the arrow’s tip.

The explosion takes away his clenched paw and sends him hurtling head over heels.

Link fires one last arrow. This one creates a layer of ice that surrounds Aoi on contact. With the Pegasus Boots still equipped, the hero of Hyrule quickly runs over and makes a flying leap. He aims his sword tip down.

“Sayaa!”

The ice shatters away. The wolf coughs blood.

…

As Link pulls his sword out, Aoi manages to choke up one last statement.

“You just… gave me… the most difficult fight… I ever had… and I *cough* loved every second of it. Thank you.”

Link simply nods once in response. He swings his blade a couple times to shake the blood off. He then sheathes the Master Sword and turns to leave.

“K.O.!”

Quick, call P.E.T.A.! Wolf down! Wolf down!

There’s no denying that Aoi is a powerful and precise fighter. The slaying of dragons by himself is no small feat. However, Link has also defeated enemies of similar magnitude.

But… samurai sword… dragon’s aura… what?

Aoi has been training to fight for his entire life. There’s no doubt that Link would have difficulty. But since Aoi’s been training for his whole life, his strategy was straightforward and more predictable.

Link’s strategy, however, goes beyond simple swordplay and depends on digging into his deep pockets for his vast arsenal of unpredictable items. And even though Aoi doesn’t take fall damage, that little convenience doesn’t protect his body from stab wounds, bomb fire, and freezing.

Though Aoi has sword attacks that are impressive and destructive, the guys of the real Death Battle have proven that Link would be able to withstand similar power house attacks from the likes of Cloud.

Looks like the Red Curtain’s been pulled on this Blue Stranger.

The winner is Link.

Next time on Death Battle…

…

“If it’s that important to you, I’ll do it.”

…

“My heart is still pounding.”

Author's Notes:

Oh man. Did I ever make a mistake putting myself into this corner or what? It was hard just to skim through the chapters, figuring out which tactics really fit a style that would be fair. Though, I have to say that Link's shield plus golden gauntlets are pretty difficult to overcome with flashy force alone.

For the potential hatred from the people that will say, "Why didn't you include such-and-such? With that, Aoi would have won!" allow me to retort.

I summon the Millenium Flame Shield in Defense Position!

If it makes you feel any better, my imaginary money is on Aoi winning Y and A's Death Battle Tournament.

Kazeshini

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.

It seems I haven’t filled my “use each of the main six at least once per season” quota. I will now remedy that problem.
…
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Namco (Project Soul).
Slight spoiler alert regarding certain Soul Calibur games.
---

Hah, you thought we weren’t doing any more fights with canon characters? Well, you thought wrong. Let me just grab my shotgun and magic wand for the occasion.

Video games and television programs alike have pumped out characters that can pull at their audience’s heart strings.

The events tug even harder when the characters are cute.

Today we’ll pit the G4 Pegasus pony Fluttershy against the honorable Talim from the Soul Calibur series.

He’s W and I’m B.

And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Fluttershy
-Pegasus pony
-Bearer of the Element of Kindness
-Naturally reserved and quiet
-Can fight and fly much faster than normal when emotionally pressured
-Has the “Stare”
-Can counter the master of chaos’s words without even trying
-Is afraid of everything, including her own shadow

Meet Kirby’s nightmare from outside Dreamland.

At a young age, Fluttershy was literally saved by a swarm of butterflies. After discovering a talent for animal communication, she eventually settled in Ponyville as a sort of caretaker.

Don’t let her Element of Kindness fool you. She can be a real b**** when she wants to be.

True, Fluttershy has accomplished some unusual achievements for such a little pony. She has stood up to a dragon and cockatrice with nothing but her words and her “Stare”. She has reached acceleration much faster than Rainbow Dash’s average. She has even overcome a battle of wits with Discord… twice!

“I mean, that they’re always pointing out your flaws, right?”

“Not really. In fact, I’m awfully lucky to have friends who want me to be the best I can be.”

“Because we’re friends. I’m free forever!”

“Not. Your. Friend!”

Don’t forget the time she snapped a bear’s neck with nothing but her hooves. She can even exploit loopholes in the satisfaction guarantees of certain assertiveness trainers.

Despite this impressive line of accomplishments, there are some flaws that greatly act against her. Fluttershy is naturally reserved in situations that require her to speak out. She is also a weak flier when her emotions are more stable. Additionally, she’s constantly battling her own life phobias.

“Oh, this is me being brave! I want to be brave at home, locked in my closet, with my teddy bear!”

Yeah, having “shy” in your name in a land where names directly relate to you in some way kind of makes normal life difficult. Final word of advice: don’t threaten her animals. Seriously, don’t.

“Anything happens to them, Twilight, so help me...”

Talim
-Born June 15, 1576
-Height: 4’8”; Weight: 93 lbs. (42 kg)
-Fighting style: Wind Dance
-Weapons: Dual tonfa-like blades named Syi Salika and Loka Luha (Teaching Flute and Wild Tears)
-Can use her control of wind to hop over and around her opponent
-Purified Necrid and resurrected Algol’s son Arcturus
-Meek, innocent, self-doubting, and merciful toward her defeated enemies

Talim hails from the Village of the Wind Deity in Southeast Asia. She is the “Last Priestess of the Winds”.

I smell a fart pun just waiting to happen.

Talim follows the guidance of the wind in life. She aimed to return all the fragments of an evil energy to their rightful places in order to prevent the world from falling to the evils of illness and death. Eventually, she learned that these fragments were shards of the legendary Soul Edge and tried her utmost to dissuade passersby from seeking the sword.

Said passersby carelessly ignored the girls’ crazy words.

After purging the evil within an ill boy’s body, she headed west due to a vision regarding Soul Calibur, the blade with an opposing force to Soul Edge.

Along her journey, she has purified Necrid from his suffering and resurrected the son of Algol. She’s kind of like the Grim Reaper on opposite day.

True to her title, “The Last Priestess of the Winds” utilizes the winds both as her guide and as her ally in battle. She relies on quick random strikes and can use the wind to jump over her foes.

She wields dual elbow blades named Syi Salika and Loka Luha, which complement her acrobatic Filipino art of excrement.

Escrima.

You say “tomato”…

Talim’s speed in battle does have a drawback. Most of her attacks don’t deal a whole lot of damage and tend to leave her wide open for interruptions and counter attacks.

Plus, it doesn’t always help that she shows mercy to the enemies that she’s beaten and the fact that she has some serious low self-esteem issues.

But don’t underestimate her. Enemies that aren’t prepared for her fighting style will quickly find themselves on the receiving end of very quick, annoying strikes.

“I will follow the wind, wherever it may go.”

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!

The chosen fighters are literally dropped onto an open-space arena. While they each have misgivings about their circumstance, they still stand. The Pegasus pony and the young girl give a quick mutter to themselves.

“Oh my goodness. What have I gotten myself into?” Fluttershy lets out a whimper that curiously sounds like she’s saying her own name.

“Calm down, Talim. Believe in yourself.” Talim readies her tonfa-blades.

“FIGHT!”

Talim charges in quickly. She jumps and a gust of rushing wind flows underneath her heels. She lands behind her opponent and proceeds to quickly strike with some high kicks and blade flips.

… only to realize that she is attacking nothing but air. A question mark briefly appears over her head as she looks around. Eventually, she finds the enemy much lower.

Fluttershy lies flat on the ground with her wings folded, her hooves and mane covering her eyes, and a nervous trembling vibrating her whole body.

“Are you… okay?” asks Talim.

“Please don’t hurt me,” Fluttershy whimpers. She chances a peek before quickly covering her eye again.

“You don’t wish to fight,” Talim states in realization.

Fluttershy mumbles something in the negative regarding a fight. There is a whistling of wind that catches her mane slightly.

Talim puts her defensive weapons away and extends an open hand.

“Then I shall not strike either,” she states with sincerity.

Fluttershy makes a confused whimper as she looks at the extended hand. Tentatively, she reaches forth a hoof. Slowly, Talim helps her to stand on her own. Fluttershy opens her eyes, though her mane still blocks the view of one of them.

“W-Why did you stop attacking?” she asks.

“The Wind frowns upon senseless violence,” Talim explains, “It was difficult to hear because of a potential obstacle. However, it speaks to me much more clearly now.”

As if to provide a visual aid, another breeze flows through the scene. Following that, a stray squirrel skitters up, chattering all the way.

“Oh.” Fluttershy turns to the squirrel. “Hello, little guy.”

If possible, the squirrel’s chitter actually sounds happier at the greeting.

“You are also one with nature,” Talim admires.

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” blushes Fluttershy, “I’m just really good with animals.”

“You have a good heart.” Talim smiles as she turns to walk away. “Maybe we’ll meet again.”

“Where are you going?” asks Fluttershy.

“Wherever the Wind guides me!” Talim calls back.

“Alert! A friendship has been detected!”

I really should have seen that coming.

Neither Fluttershy nor Talim are big fans of attacking others without reason. Not to mention, neither of them has anything that can truly finish off an enemy for good. Fluttershy’s neck snapping is actually just the fourth step in her bear massaging. Plus, the tonfa weapons were meant for use by the villagers that couldn’t afford steel weapons. They were made for defense, not for offense.

But why did the Escrima kung fu have to end so soon?

Would you say that the result of this match really blows?

Too soon, W! Too soon!

This Death Battle is a draw.

Next time on Death Battle…

Back by popular one demand…

He’s mean.

He’s green.

And he’s angrier than ever.

…

“Hello, every pony. Did I miss anything?”

Author's Notes:

Next time I can safely promise that bones will be broken.
For now, however, there is nothing but relax-o-vision.

Gamma vs. Omega

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.

The opinions expressed in this chapter do not necessarily reflect those of the author, narrator, W, B, or anyone else.
…
The courtesy for this suggested battle came from morrisonmatt32. Be sure to thank him.
…
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Marvel comics.
---

Today is a good day. I can’t wait to see the bloodshed.

It’s crazy what some men will do these days to grab a chance at punching God in the face. This time, we’re giving that lucky bastard his chance, free of charge.

The monster and Avenger known as the Incredible Hulk will throw down with the G4 alicorn pony: Princess Luna.

He’s W and I’m B.

And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

The Hulk
-True identity: Bruce Banner; Intellect: Genius-level
-A victim of intense gamma radiation and transforms when angry
-Super strength, speed, endurance, reflexes, and durability
-Immunity to diseases and viruses; resistance to mind control
-Accelerated healing and longevity
-Can sense astral forms and breathe underwater
-Can be mentally unstable and inconsistent

After a lab accident, Professor Bruce Banner became exposed to intense gamma radiation. When his anger and adrenaline run at an all-time high, his body grows larger and gains a green hue. He is the Incredible Hulk.

Twenty bucks says Hulk wins this fight.

It isn’t hard to imagine why you’d say that. Hulk’s super strength and hand-to-hand combat are enough to overpower a number of enemies. Additionally, he has superhuman speed, reflexes, endurance, and durability.

When combined with his spruced up healing factor, they easily demolished the queen of all equines in his last battle.

You mean Princess Celestia of Equestria?

That’s what I said.

Hulk has a few more tricks in his arsenal besides physical traits. He can breathe underwater, sense astral forms, and resist mind control. Additionally, he is immune to all viral infections and diseases.

There is one thing about him that prevents him from being perfect. During the time that he isn’t a green giant, he’s a nerd!

… Ahem.

You’re a geek, W. There’s a difference.

Right… Anyway, Hulk has an arguable weakness due to his own mental instability. Several times in his life, he’s suffered from multiple personality disorder. His mild-mannered and angry-fueled personas clash with each other at the worst of times.

Plus the writers are constantly inconsistent with what can kill him. Can his radiation be absorbed by other entities or can’t it? Is his neck impervious or can he be choked to death by a snake? Also, how many missiles and tanks is the government going to waste before they realize they won’t do s*** to him?

The world may never know, B.

“Hulk SMASH!”

Princess Luna
-Alicorn: strength, flight, and magic
-Specialty in raising the moon
-Is also capable of shooting lightning, giving life to inanimate objects, levitation, entering dreams, and weather manipulation
-Implied that she can teleport
-Wears a black tiara, neck adornment, and glass slippers
-Is playful, kind, and wise
-Has an intimidating temper coupled with her Royal Canterlot voice

Luna is the acclaimed Princess and guardian of the night.

The last time we saw her, she held her own quite well against Ace Attorney Phoenix Wright.

In addition to having a rumbling volume known as the Royal Canterlot Tone, she is gifted with a number of other unique powers. These include but aren’t limited to her ability to raise the moon, arrange the night sky, and enter the dreams of other ponies.

Oh ho ho, mind rape!

I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. Like her older sister Celestia, Luna is an alicorn pony. She has the earth shattering strength of an earth pony, the flight and weather manipulation of a Pegasus, and the magical arts of a unicorn.

Said magic typically takes the form of lightning bolts. How this lightning can bring a bunch of stuffed spiders to life is beyond me.

She can also use her magic for levitation and it is implied that she is capable of teleportation.

Due to the whole being-Nightmare-Moon-arc, she’s about one thousand years behind modern Equestrian culture. There’s also not a whole lot of info involving what part she really takes in the government of all those colorful ponies.

In spite of this, she has gained quite a positive reputation due to her kind nature and wisdom. Ponies like Pipsqueak and Scootaloo quickly found her to be their favorite.

And hey, she can alter her form to Nightmare Moon on command now. So that’s a thing.

A scene is shown with Nightmare Moon glowing white, shrinking back to Luna, and spitting out false fangs.

“I am not certain that did what you meant for it to do, Twilight Sparkle.”

But the question remains: can she defeat the enemy that even Celestia couldn’t?

“Face your fears!”

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!

Previously on The Moment No Pony Was Waiting For…

In a flash of light, Celestia vanishes. Still enraged, the Hulk lifts a section of earth, causing the cameraman to fall onto his back.

---{Canterlot}

The familiar light of some pony teleporting appears before her. She gasps at the sight of the condition said pony is in. She hurriedly gallops to that pony’s side.

“Sister!” she exclaims.

‘Sister’ takes a few shallow breaths. She is covered in bruises and there are traces of blood dripping from her mouth. She lets out a painful cough before saying her mind.

“Luna, beware… beware of the…” She coughs again.

“Beware of what?” Luna asks in worry.

“The… Hulk… Smash.” The older sister’s eyes close as she blacks out on the floor.

Tears roll down Luna’s eyes as she lowers her head. For a fleeting moment, she stands there unmoving. Her sister needs time to rest. But there is a threat out there that needs immediate attention. The evening is still young.

Luna raises her head. The tears are replaced with a look of determination and boiling fury.

“Rest, dear sister,” she tells the unconscious one, “As always, I will guard the night.”

An orb of light surrounds her and she vanishes from the scene.

---{The Field}

The fabric between reality and nonsense is completely torn at the moment. Several U.S. government authorized tanks have rolled in and begun firing on the immense enemy. This attack, however, is having no effect beyond making the enemy even angrier. The enemy grabs hold of one of the tank’s cannons, whips the entire tank around, and tosses it onto the second tank.

Michael Bay would be proud.

The enemy grabs another tank and flings it into the air. Not trained for air travel, the tank drivers have no idea what to do except scream.

---{Mid-air}

An orb of light briefly flashes before revealing Luna. She sees two very large, metallic object fly past her. The camera gives a little foreshadowing on the objects’ potential landing zone by zooming in on Ponyville. With a gasp and some concentration, a couple beams of lightning stream from Luna’s horn. They seem to act more as tractor beams than lasers because she slowly pulls them out of their paths until gently lowering them flat on the ground underneath her.

“Hulk smash!”

The sudden yell catches Luna’s attention. She turns to see a rather large green entity that seems very intent on punching dents into more metal objects and some of the earth as well. Her surprise gives way to a serious look.

“Return to your homes,” she tells the two metal creatures she just saved, “I shall deal with this monstrosity.”

---{Inside one of the tanks}

The driver activates his radio, “Um, Mother Wolf? This is Leopard. There’s a… black, flying horse toy saying that it’ll deal with the target. What are your orders? Over.”

The radio clicks with a brief bit of static, “Leopard, this is Mother Wolf. We’ve just received new intelligence regarding your current location.”

It then makes a slightly different click, “All units return to base at once. Allow this new arrival to do as it wishes. Do not engage. I repeat: do not engage. Over.”

---{The Field}

There’s a little hesitation from the artillery as the newest order is confusing. However, they eventually truck around and away from the enemy back through the fabric of reality which they had been pulled through. After a few minutes, the green entity and the black horse are the only breathing creatures in the immediate area.

“Your presence threatens the lives of my little ponies,” declares Luna, “Your actions prove to be destructive and you have severely injured my sister.”

As she flaps her wings, the moon rises with her. The very air shakes with her next words.

“Now, thou shalt feel the wrath of Princess Luna of the Night!”

Even though her speech would send others shrinking to the ground in fear, the Hulk matches the furious look of the night princess with a roar of his own.

“So be it.” Luna harrumphs.

“FIGHT!”

Without another word, Luna aims her lightning-covered magic in a straight blast against her opponent. Although it sounds crackling on impact, it doesn’t appear to leave any lasting damage. Hulk jumps into the air and smacks Luna with a backhand. She crashes into the ground. She grunts as she stands back up.

Hulk takes this time to lift a huge chunk of the earth before throwing it over his head. Concentrating, a blue aura surrounds Luna’s horn as well as the giant boulder. It slows to a halt before she launches it back to whence it came. Hulk blocks his face with his arms and the rock crumbles into pebbles upon colliding with him. He slides back a few feet before growling.

A few more rapid rocks are thrown. Instead of trying to stop all of them, Luna covers herself in a white light and teleports around the field. The wave of rocks completely misses her. She reappears several meters behind Hulk and delivers her own barrage in the form of lightning bolts. Some burn marks appear on Hulk’s back before quickly giving way back to a natural green hue.

Conjuring up every bit of magic she can, Luna gathers a large cluster of storm clouds above the field. The winds blow fiercely as the rain pours down heavily. With her eyes glowing white, she summons forth a massive strike of lightning from the sky. Hulk is practically covered with electricity. Charred black from head to toe, he falls to his knees.

Luna trots forward in front of the monster. “Now, we shall accept thy surrend-!

A green hand nabs around her throat, cutting off whatever sentence she was going to say. Some of the black dust crumbles off of Hulk’s face revealing a very mad scowl. His other hand wraps around Luna’s torso. She struggles to breathe.

A popping noise is heard. This is followed by a cracking sound… and another… and another. Luna tries to fight the strangle-hold, but all this accomplishes is making her eyes roll up. Finally, her body can’t take anymore as her horn charges a white aura. In a blink of white light, she’s gone.

Hulk takes a flying leap before smashing both fists into the ground. The shockwave rushes around his position and the cameraman gets flung into the night sky.

“I don’t get paid enough for thiiiiiiiis!” the cameraman screams as he twinkles like one of the stars.

“K.O.!”

Ha, called it! Pay up, W.

We never shook on it.

D**n it! I knew I was forgetting something.

The Hulk’s sheer strength and invulnerability is enough to overcome some of the most powerful magic users.

He even gave Loki a good beating.

Most of Luna’s versatile abilities are dependent on the dream world, a place that doesn’t exist in an enemy that’s wide awake. Her electricity may have stood a chance if it weren’t for Hulk’s healing factor.

Not to mention her power isn’t that much stronger than Celestia if at all.

And even though Luna’s power seems to increase slightly when angry, Hulk’s power increases much more so by that same emotion.

Luna faced a bone-crushing defeat.

The winner is the Hulk.

---{Canterlot Castle}

A white light flashes next to the sleeping Celestia. Sore all over and choking, Luna pants out her next words carefully as she lies on her side.

“Save a… place for me, sister. I’ll… be… there… soon.” Her head flops to the floor and her eyes flitter shut.

…

What? They’re not dead. They’re just in their dream world right now.

Not next time, but sometime in the foreseeable future…

“Princess Celestia and Luna told me that there was a green menace around this area. But where is it?”

If the end of the world doesn’t kill us first…

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that anymore. I already handled him.”

Sometime before the Winter Olympics…

“What? Who are you?”

Ultimate magicians shall clash.

“A master of the mystic arts. Care for a demonstration?”

Coming in late 2014

Author's Notes:

Rainbow Dash and Sonic the Hedgehog have the same average speeds, all right? You can stop arguing in the comments now! (At the very least, please move your argument to PMs with each other.)

Side Battle: Treble With A Capital Mr. T

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.
…
If you need a reminder of the rules set in place regarding side battles, click here.
…
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, kanashiipanda, JoaftheLoaf, and several other people (sorry for forgetting your names).
---

~It’s the eye of the tiger. It’s the thrill of the night. Rising up to the challenge of our rival.~

F lights a cigarette.

When the fans believe that the show itself has provided lackluster information, they create their own back stories and personas for otherwise canon characters.

Entering the arena today is a combination of aspects from the various interpretations of Octavia.

She’ll be facing a combination of interpretations of the assertiveness trainer Iron Will. If you don’t like either of these character’s given statistics, just try and flame me.

F conjures some fireballs over his hooves while grinning madly.

I can flame harder.

He’s F and I’m N and it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Octavia
-An excellent cellist that also sings fairly well
-Raised with the class level of Canterlot
-Roommate of Vinyl Scratch AKA DJ-P0n3 in Ponyville
-High level of martial arts
-Improvises use of the surrounding environment
-Hidden bowstring-blades
-Has difficulty tolerating high noise levels (specifically wubs)

From the beginning of Season 1 to the end of Season 3, Octavia has only had two official appearances. Both of which were as a cellist during special events held in Canterlot.

Yet for some reason, a common consensus among the fandom is that she lives in Ponyville. Adding to the strings they pull, she often ends up as the roommate of Vinyl Scratch or DJ-P0n3.

In order to deal with this pony whose favorite music is dub step, Octavia has had to overcome her low tolerance of loud noises. This is especially true when Vinyl uses ‘wubs’ to run the dishwasher.

Awesome! Where can I get a wub dishwasher?

The fans have also given Octavia a fairly good singing voice that she can maintain while she’s simultaneously playing her cello.

Though the most left-field aspect of her personality has to be in her assigned family history.

It appears that Octavia is interpreted as a descendant of a long line of assassins. This has granted her a high level of hoof-to-hoof combat and a greater awareness of the environment around her.

Her assassin ancestry also left her with two of the most outlandish weapons I’ve ever seen: the hidden bowstring-blades.

With a precise flick of her fore hooves, she can reveal these stringed weapons with the same ease as the Brotherhood’s assassins with their hidden blades. Although Octavia’s aren’t any good for stabbing, the strings can cut skin pretty deeply with the right slicing motion.

All right, fandom. I approve the bad**s Octavia that you’ve created.

“Born strong, believe none. Dying over broken dreams. Born strong and raised with class. Oh, yeah!”

Iron Will
-Minotaur
-Wears a tie and microphone
-High upper-arm strength and quick poses
-Is a gentleman and a reasonable businessman
-Has been interpreted as the one in charge of a correctional facility where Lightning Dust was turned around
-Essence of Mr. T and Mr. Satan
-Has goats for assistants

Iron Will appeared in one episode of Season 2 as a trainer for assertiveness seminars. He is a minotaur. In Greek mythology, the minotaur was a creature with the body of a man and the head of a bull. It was said that it guarded the center of the Cretan Labyrinth.

The minotaur’s weakness comes in the form of a man named Theseus. So, I guess Iron Will’s safe in this battle.

I wouldn’t be too sure about that, F.

What do you mean?

Well, it’s true that minotaurs have huge muscles and plenty of strength in their upper bodies. It’s also true that Iron Will can pick up and drop a pony without even sweating. But this doesn’t take into account that he can be outsmarted.

Yeah, that’s true. In a battle of word games with both Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy, Iron Will lost against both of them. He’s also an honest and fair businessman in spite of his intimidating appearance. Also, he talks to goats. Who in their right mind talks to goats, let alone makes them his assistants?

Anyway, after failing to collect payment from Fluttershy, the fans have speculated that Iron Will went on to work with the Wonderbolt Academy rehabilitation. There, he tries to get ponies off of their high horse and convince them to be more considerate toward the world around them.

Well, there must be something to that line of work. I mean, look at how it changed the ego of Lightning Dust.

“Hello there, little forest critters! I brought some apples for everyone to snack on. Oh, I just love all of you little critters!”

“Hey, Rainbow, ain’t that-?”

“Never seen her before in my life.”

0_0

O_o

Well… that happened.

“Don’t be shy. Look ‘em in the eye.”

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

This episode was brought to you in part by Neon Lights. Always remember: Shady could do it better. But right now, it’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!

A faint, but rapid booming can be heard as the camera pans across a newly reconstructed replica of Ponyville. This booming noise gets louder and louder. Finally, the camera zooms in on a window that contains a light that would give epilepsy patients a seizure. Seriously, I have to look away from that intensely rainbow-colored light show just to reduce my headache.

The window crashes outwards as a white mare with a sparked-up mane tosses something down. The object’s strings snap out of place while chips of wood crack off the frame.

“Vinyl!” calls an off screen voice, “Why would you do that?!”

Vinyl matches the time of putting on her sunglasses with her pause. “Because I was… dropping the bass.”

“First, that’s not funny and second, that’s a cello!” yells the other voice, “Urgh!”

The door to the house opens as a grumbling, gray mare trots out. She lets out a whimpering moan as she looks at the sad sight. This isn’t a simple touch-up scratch that her roommate inflicts on her cello every month. This time, the instrument is broken beyond repair. She could cry right now.

“You are a pony with a problem!”

The sudden baritone declaration snaps Octavia to attention. As she looks up, her watery eyes change to a look of confusion. The newcomer steps down from his goats that he was using as pedestals. He is a large blue minotaur wearing a tie and… a microphone(?).

“Letting some pony walk all over you? Let me show you what some pony with backbone can do!”

Is that a challenge? Octavia can’t tell. She tilts her head in befuddlement.

“FIGHT!”

With a bellowing cry, Iron Will charges forward head-first, horns cinematically shimmering. Octavia snaps out of her confused daze and immediately jumps to the side. The minotaur misses his target and plows right into the side of the house. The wall crumbles around as does the rest of the house. A cloud of dust overtakes the screen.

As the dust settles, Octavia coughs a little before taking a good look. A white hoof reaches out of one side of the demolished debris. It is followed by the owner’s head and crooked sunglasses.

“Wow, that was wicked,” marvels a really loopy DJ-P0n3, “Can we do that again?”

“Vinyl!” cries out Octavia in worry as the other pony collapses backward.

Meanwhile, Iron Will shakes loose from another side of the debris. He turns around to face the enemy-to-be. He lets out a little snort.

The mare is no longer confused. She stares directly at the opponent’s eyes even from so far away. A split-screen image shows arcs of lightning racing between their respective gazes. One will most certainly die today.

Iron Will breaks the standoff first by making another tackling charge. While the minotaur is still a ways off, Octavia takes a backward leap. She now stands bipedally behind both of the goats. In a move that neither of the capre expect, she grabs hold of one of the goat’s horns between her front hooves. She swings around and throws that goat through the air.

Said goat lets out a screaming ‘ba’. It narrowly avoids getting impaled and ends up bouncing off of Iron Will’s head behind him.

Before the other goat can act on its plan to run way, Octavia grabs this one’s horn as well. But unlike the previous one, this one lands smack on top of Iron Will’s face. Just as he runs within a foot of Octavia, she leans out of the way and sweeps low with her hind hoof. The resulting motion trips Iron Will, sending him falling onto his chin as the goat lands elsewhere.

Octavia stands ready while Iron Will picks himself off the ground. Quite upset, he swings his arm around to deliver a punch. Surprisingly, Octavia blocks the punch with her hoof and brushes his arm away. The minotaur tries following up with a barrage of strong, yet slow jabs and hooks. But each attack is blocked by one or both of Octavia’s front hooves.

Iron Will moves his arms into a defensive guard almost the instant that Octavia jumps up and delivers four quick kicks. While she’s still in the air, Iron Will takes the opportunity to grab around her waist. He takes a spinning motion before tossing Octavia into some of her house’s debris.

Although the screen isn’t shaking, each of Iron Will’s steps makes a deafening crunching noise. Soon, his shadow looms over Octavia. She barely opens her eyes to see the monster before her even as he stands right above her.

“Any last words?” he asks honorably.

“Seulement trois.”

Something slashes through the air. A couple seconds of time pass. Iron Will’s eyes open wide. He lowers both of his hands to grab over the equivalent of a human’s privates. He lets out a rather high-pitched scream.

Another slash goes through as the combatants appear black against a red background. The outline of the minotaur’s head rolls off. The rest of his body soon collapses to the ground as well. The camera passes over Octavia in full color. The view passes over her extended front hoof. It looks like a bow with tight string is attached to the hoof’s underside.

“Repose en paix,” Octavia gives her regards to the recently deceased.

“K.O.!”

Wow, that fight was really nuts.

Under the initial circumstances, Octavia was quickly overwhelmed by Iron Will’s loud mouth and brute force. Even her training in the martial arts couldn’t withstand his sheer upper-body strength.

But she played the field and the surroundings to her advantage. She really managed to overcome brawn with her brain. She thought of moves on the fly and executed them almost without fail.

In the end, there was very little that could protect Iron Will from Octavia’s secret weapon: the hidden bowstring-blades. With the right speed and angle, string can become quite deadly, and break the sound barrier like a whip cracking, believe it or not.

And there’s proof by Mythbusters that even the world’s strongest man’s muscles can’t protect against lethal weapon blows.

I guess Iron… Will not win.

… Yeah, you should probably leave the one-liners to me, N.

*ahem* The winner is Octavia.

Next time on Death Battle…

…

*drum boom*

…

No, please! Don’t make me go out there! I'm not even one of the fighters!

…

*drum boom*

…

*rip*

Collected 1.

Author's Notes:

The fandom has only itself to blame for making Octavia such a bad*** pony.

Fear Leads to Suffering

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.

He Who Follows is the one who leads.
…
Eh heh heh heh heh.
…
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Parsec Productions.
---

*cough* *hack* Help… me. The… The Darkness has returned!

*bzzrt*

…

---
A/N: N…Narrator? What’s going on? Why is everything going fuzz-*bzzrt*
---

…

Something feels very wrong about today.

I know what you mean. Due to the recently charged Halloween spirit, our two combatants are wielders of the greatest weapon known to mankind: fear.

King Sombrero…

King Sombra

Right, he’ll face Slender Tentacles.

Slender Man.

He’s W and I’m B.

And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

King Sombra
-Unicorn
-Wields dark magic fueled by hatred and fear
-Can alternate between gaseous and solid forms
-Can grow dark crystals out of the ground
-Can trigger his own magical traps from a large distance away
-Has very little motivation beyond crystals and slaves
-Hasn’t heard of an elevator

King Sombrarero used to be the self-proclaimed dictator and oppressor of the Crystal Empire. He ruled with iron chains and a dark hoof.

Sombra is a unicorn capable of wielding dark magic. Unlike the rest of Equestria’s magic which is fueled by light and hope, dark magic relies on the emotions of fear and hatred. These feelings are quite prominent in Sombra’s case.

What’s so dark about this dark magic, you ask? Well, it can conjure forth black and purple crystal structures out of nothing. It can also strike fear into his victims, causing them to s**t their pants… if they had any.

He can also trigger crystal-based traps that cause people to see their worst fears and interfere with magic cast by other unicorns. In addition, he can switch between his normal unicorn form and a large smoke cloud at will.

But here’s the thing. In all of his grand efforts to become the Crystal Empire’s most intimidating villain, he never installed an elevator. Seriously, I bet this guy’s castle has more stairs in it than the stairway to Heaven.

How can you possibly know how many stairs are on Heaven’s stairway?

Research, W. Research.

Well, if the Crystal Empire needs a permanent solution to King Sombra’s tyranny, they can concentrate their hope energy into the Crystal Heart.

Kaboom!

“No! Stop! Wraaaaaaugh!”

Slender Man
-Species: unknown
-Favorite environment: the middle of the woods at night
-Leaves eight pieces of paper around for newcomers to find
-Is rumored to devour children
-Wears a suit and tie; has no face
-Method of attack: approach victim very slowly, make their vision imitate a static-filled television set, then appear right in front of them doing who-knows-what with his tentacles
-Now humorously being associated to the song with the lyrics “Gimme $20”

Tentacle Man is an entity shrouded in rumors and mystery. Though, you can be sure that the place he’s in will be dark.

I’m beginning to wonder if you’re doing this on purpose.

W sighs.

Sightings of Slender Man have included a surprisingly well-kept outfit. Apparently, he dresses in a full business suit complete with a red tie.

But that’s about where his good looks end. He’s got gray skin and tentacles instead of hands. To top it off, he has no face. Ooooo.

As if this wasn’t weird enough, his favorite hobby seems to be leaving around eight pages of paper with vague words and illustrations made in pencil. Sometimes these pages are picked up by random wanderers carrying flashlights.

But after some time passes, he always manages to kill the page collector. Always.

Whenever he gets closer to his victim, their vision starts to become blurry by what appears to be television static. Once he gets close enough, the victim is forced to lay eyes on his featureless face before they are presumably murdered.

I bet he’d be popular in Japan. Tentacle porn is all the rage.

Ahem! There was very little information we could find on what can actually kill Slender Man. One rumor has it that he will leave you alone if you give him an Andrew Jackson dollar bill. Other than that, it seems to only defense is to find all eight of his pages and then to hurry to wherever the player started.

But don’t get your hopes too high. For someone who just stands there and stares without any eyes, he sure can catch his victims pretty quickly.

In lieu of a quote, the screen simply goes static-y as an image of a faceless man flashes briefly.

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!

For the duration of this battle, I shall temporarily modify my circuits so that my voice imitates that of Narrator. *click*

Why do these battles keep getting drawn to forests? Meh, whatever. I can see a dark cloud with greenish-red eyes and a fanged smile. But… where’s the other combatant?

“FIGHT!”

No, seriously, where is Slender Man? I don’t see him anywhere. All I can see in this nighttime setting are some dead trees, grass, and a flashlight.

Sombra growls in confusion before floating forward. The forest is not very pleasing to his eyes. There are no pretty crystals to behold his presence. There isn’t even a staircase. There are only trees.

He keeps floating on. Occasionally, he makes a turn in his path. He starts floating closer to a giant rock formation. Attached to the side of one of the rocks is what appears to be a piece of paper. It has crudely drawn twigs, possibly pine needles, and a stick figure of a person.

The page inexplicably dissolves as Sombra’s smoky body gets in close proximity of it.

*Collected 1/8*

Sombra lets out another confused growl before floating in another direction.

*boom*

Sombra’s confusion doesn’t leave him when the all-around noise of a drum beats.

*boom*

Feeling like his time is being wasted, he keeps floating forward. A weird flurry of snow briefly crosses his vision, though it leaves just as quickly. Eventually, he carries himself near a brick wall. After floating around, the camera can see that it is actually two brick walls, one crossing through the other.

It is here that Sombra discovers another page. It has another twiggy illustration as well as an all-capital letter message. It reads, “DON’T LOOK… OR IT TAKES YOU.” This page dissolves just as the first did.

*Collected 2/8*

*boom*

The drum noise from earlier starts to beat a little faster. This time, Sombra ignores the weird snow in his vision and floats along. He has yet to find a single tasty crystal in this Elder-forsaken forest. In an attempt to search the forest more quickly, Sombra spreads his smoky body over a much larger area.

His form reaches its way into a bathroom complex, near some yellow oil tankers, next to a blue truck, behind a red truck attached to a mobile home, inside a dome-shaped tunnel, and on a silo.

*Collected 3/8*

*Collected 4/8*

*Collected 5/8*

*Collected 6/8*

*Collected 7/8*

*Collected 8/8*

In a frustrated growl, Sombra pulls himself back together next to a chain-linked fence in his solid, unicorn body. All he has are eight useless pieces of paper. Where are his crystals?

An off-screen piano hits a dissonant chord. Sombra’s vision is overtaken by a barrage of snow. His hearing is filled with an annoying buzzing noise. A white, faceless head flashes in his eyes before everything goes dark.

“K.-! *bzzrt*”

*click* Um… Announcer? Announcer! Where’d you go-? *bzzrt*

Uh…

Hold on a second. There we are! My voice changer is ready to go.

Wait, what?

*click-clack*

…

*Bang-bang-bang-bang-bang!*

SURPRISE, FATHER MUCKER!

~Right! *dubstep* All right! *dubstep* Bangarang!~

Uh… Ah… Uh… What?

There we go. I don’t know why we were so worried before. That Slender Pedo is easy.

…

W? Are you still with us? *waves his hand in front of W’s face* Hello? Huh, I guess not. Well, I can’t blame him for being speechless. These Death Battles really aren’t that exciting for the viewers that only read our text files and don’t watch the actual fight. Oh, well. At least the combatants went out with a bang.

You just shot him… with a sniper round… at point blank. What.

The winner is me! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Hey, we’re alive again!

---
A/N: What, huh?
---

How did that happen?

We must have miraculously recovered while we were off screen.

---
A/N: … Neat.
---

Yeah, neat.

“-O.!”

Next time on Side Battle...

...

No, I will not fetch the g**-d*** stick for you. Get it yourself.

...

"You scared the begeezus out of us."
"Likewise."

Author's Notes:

Sha-sha-sha-sha-sha-sha
Shouts to all my lost boys.
We rowdy.
BASS!
Part of me has a sudden craving for Fun Dip. But the rest of me doesn't give a f.

She-Witch

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.

I'm not sure how, but I somehow managed to finish this chapter before the one I wanted to release first. Heh heh. But in the mean time, do take part in reading this.
...
I’m not sure what got into me this time. Maybe I’m just insane.
…
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Midway Games, and Microsoft Studios.
---

~A true, true friend helps a friend in need to see the light that shines…~

Ugh. Well, at least he stopped singing about never giving someone up and never running around.

The deadly femme fatale is a trend that sticks around to this day.

Not that I’m complaining. B****es love the cannons that I’ve got.

*Ahem* The lucky women fighting today are Queen Chrysalis, ruler of the changelings and-

-past Death Battle champion Black Orchid from Killer Instinct! I am so excited!

He’s B and I’m W and it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Black Orchid
-Real name is unknown
-Sister to Jago; government agent; Taiwanese
-Presumed to know Chinese Kung Foo
-Wields laser tonfa
-Extremely fast, physics-defying, and short-ranged combat
-Can transform into an intangible fire cat
-“No Mercy” finishers include scorching, electrocution, the frog squash, and revealing her jugs
-Defeated Eyedol after winning the first Killer Instinct tournament

Now this here is a girl that knows what she wants. Not even Ivy’s gigantic tubs could keep this girl from winning.

Orchid is a secret government agent. Even she doesn’t know the full details about her past and origin.

Cool story, bra.

But we do know that her brother is Jago who is from Tawain. Considering her fighting style, it is safe to assume that she has studied Chinese Kung Foo.

Orchid’s weapons of choice are lasers! They just so happen to take the form of tonfa. These complement her quick-motion, short-range and killer combos. Some of her moves pretty much give physics the one-finger salute.

That’s just as well. She has quite a few magic-based abilities like her fire cat form, capable of passing right through projectile attacks.

She can also shoot fire balls and send surges of electricity through her opponents.

But even that isn’t the limit to her abilities. Her “No Mercies” act as finishing moves once her opponent is sufficiently worn out. These include incineration, electrocution, transmogrifying her opponent into a helpless frog and…

… unzipping her jumpsuit to reveal her Fun Bags of Destruction! (trademark)

We’ve surmised that the cause of defeating her opponents in this manner involves bursting the enemy’s brain simply at the nearly impossible size of her breasts. They just so happen to be size DDD, based on a comparison to Ivy’s.

And they work on men, robots, aliens, werewolves, dinosaurs, and a skeleton.

While the sexual appeal has no effect on women, they will still forfeit the match out of sheer jealousy.

It’s all right, ladies. I’ll still bang you.

Black Orchid’s accomplishments are impressive: winning the first Killer Instinct tournament and single-handedly defeating Eyedol.

If nothing else, she is indeed a killer.

“Hah! Hah! Yeah! Lasaken! Yeah!”

ULTRA COMBO!

Queen Chrysalis
-Ruler of her hive of changelings
-Presumed to live in the badlands of Equestria
-Feeds off the love energy of ponies
-Magical abilities: shape-shifting, levitation, magic bolts, portal conjuring, and object disintegration
-Can fly like an insect
-Has poor, long-term planning skills
-Dismissive of sentiments
-Overpowered Celestia, then promptly lost against Cadance and Shining Armor

I didn’t think we’d be seeing this particular combatant again so soon.

I guess she really loves getting her **s handed to her. In Death Battle history alone, she’s lost against Shang Tsung and Chrono. In official show canon, she beat Celestia. How does someone who beats an equivalent to a sun goddess lose to two lovers who were, might I add, exhausted when they cast their respective spells? There is no excuse.

Actually, there might be. At the time of her victory over Celestia, she had previously been draining the love energy from Shining Armor, someone who was truly in love with Cadance.

Wait… are you saying that that guy horse toy is stronger than the ruler of all horse toys? Huh. Suddenly, that mistake chapter where he beat Kefka doesn’t sound like that big of a mistake.

We’re getting too far on a tangent here. As mentioned in previous battles, Chrysalis is the queen of the changelings, a race of insect/pony hybrids capable of feeding off the love of other ponies.

As their name implies, they can change shape. They typically take on the form of other ponies that they see for the sake of infiltration, confusion, and causing mistrust.

Chrysalis in particular has magic that goes beyond mere shape-shifting. She is capable of levitation, portal conjuration, and…

Lasers! (Caution.)

Well, yeah. They pretty much are. Her magic bolts can charge up for more powerful beams and even disintegrate fabric into ashes.

All of that power and she still lost to a lovey-shield spell. I still can’t wrap my head around it.

At least she knows how to make a dramatic exit.

Can’t argue with that.

“Ahhhhhhh!”

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

It’s time for a sexy DEATH BATTLE!

The queen of the changelings finds herself still under the force of being launched through the air. Eventually, she lands on a rather large platform in the middle of the ocean. Slowly, she gets up and shakes off the pain. Looking around, she spots a tall woman in green tights. The woman stares back, not sure what to make of the bug-like equine in front of her.

“FIGHT!”

Black Orchid reminds herself that she’s fought weirder enemies like werewolves and a dinosaur. She runs forward and delivers a flurry of kicks and tonfa smacks. Chrysalis once again finds herself airborne.

Killer Combo!

Shaking her head, Chrysalis gets her wings buzzing and flies out of the human’s range. Her horn glows in green light and fires a few shots of magic. Orchid jumps back, rolls forward, and back again to avoid the shots. Eventually, Chrysalis comes back to the ground and shoots more precise bolts.

In an orange-white glow, Orchid takes the form of a jungle cat. She pounces straight through the magical attacks like they’re nothing. In another glow, she’s back to normal and throwing kicks again.

Before she can complete her combo, however, Chrysalis pulls off a shape-shifting of her own before delivering a couple kicks to Orchid’s face.

C-C-C-Combo Breaker!

Orchid is forced to somersault backwards. Although her opponent looks like her, she still has a few tricks that she has yet to demonstrate. Her tonfa suddenly join into a long, light pole. This pole smacks Orchid’s look-alike upside the head. She then separates the weapon back into tonfa and launches a bolt of orange fire.

Chrysalis gets caught in the projectile and reverts back to her original changeling form. She tries to regain momentum by summoning a green portal underneath Orchid’s feet. But before the transport can be completed, Orchid assumes the form of the fire cat and pounces again.

Some more extremely fast punches, kicks, tonfa smacks, and a helicopter kick follow her strike. The air seems to love Chrysalis as it once again accepts her launched form.

“Lasaken!” shouts Orchid as a disc of energy is shot from her weapons.

The disc collides with Chrysalis before she falls to the platform.

Ultra Combo!

Chrysalis shakily stands back up. But just as she does this, Orchid leans over sideways and points both of her tonfa. What appear to be lightning arcs shoot out of both of these tonfa and send their electrical surges through Chrysalis’s body.

The screen goes red as Chrysalis struggles to move from her spot on the ground. Meanwhile, Orchid walks up and releases a large fireball from her weapons. The resulting scorcher leaves a changeling-shaped skeleton burning and screaming on the ground.

“K.O.!”

I guess I can’t say that the queen doesn’t look hot now. Ha ha!

Orchid was just too fast for Chrysalis to keep up. In spite of their magic being foreign to each other, Orchid combines that magic with her impressive physical prowess and rushing tactics. While Chrysalis can come up with plan B’s on the fly, there’s barely any chance of those succeeding without outside influences aiding her.

Her shape-shifting may have caught Orchid off guard, but the rest of her magic was nearly useless against the intangible fire cat. Not to mention, Chrysalis’s own physical abilities are better suited for intimidating princesses, not martial artists.

Orchid’s electrical magic, pyromancy, and quick-paced martial arts were more than enough to overpower the underprepared Chrysalis.

In the end, Orchid managed a C-C-C-Cocoon Breaker!

The winner is Black Orchid.

The end. Or is it?

Chrysalis lies on the ground, struggling to move a muscle. Orchid walks over and a shining aura covers the end of one of her tonfa. She swings that tonfa down and the aura surrounds Chrysalis in a puff of smoke. When the smoke clears, a frog sits in the changeling’s place. Orchid prepares to make her final stomp with a jump.

Green fire surrounds the frog. Orchid lets out a scream. A black, crooked horn is piercing straight through to her back. The horn glows an eerie green. A similarly colored beam washes over Orchid.

As the beam dies down, a pile of bones and melted flesh falls to the ground. Chrysalis lets out a laugh.

“K.O.!”

Whoa ho! I guess that’s why you don’t want a changeling inside of you.

During the midst of battle, Orchid quickly gained the upper hand. Her quick-paced combos easily overpowered Chrysalis who was relying mostly on magical attacks.

But as fans have speculated, Chrysalis can change her shape into anything. So it was easy to overcome Orchid’s version of the transfiguration magic.

Additionally, the temperature to burn fabric is so hot that it would at least leave third-degree burns on human skin, if not kill them from the intense heat. At such close range, there was no dodging Chrysalis’s magic bolt.

Orchid’s never looked hotter.

The winner is Chrysalis.

Stick around for something completely different next time.

Thanks for reading.

---

Author's Notes:

I have to admit that actually watching one of the combatants in the original Death Battle series really helps me visualize the events better while I'm trying to capture them in writing. I guess that's why I'm having such a hard time finishing the next Side Battle.
In an unrelated note, Fox McCloud was in a Death Battle! Woot!

Chapter 53: Season 2 Outtakes Reel #1

Remember to switch from "Light" to "Dark" yada yada.

A/N: All properties described and referenced belong to their respective owners.
---

“Hades!”

“Pit.”

“Hades!”

“Pit.”

“Hades!”

“Rainbow!”

????

Huh?

---
A/N: Wha…?
---

Scoffing once, Zexion floats his lexicon in front of himself and open toward his opponent. A chartreuse pattern of light shines from the open page. Twilight suddenly feels her entire body being compressed as a similar book appears behind her. The camera's view of her is obscured by smoke. As she screams in fright, the smoke clears to a closed book. It opens to a page that holds all text on one side. On the opposite page is a picture of a standing… Sora?

Wait, what happened to Twilight?

---
A/N: Cut!
---

Shuma is teleported in a white light. He reappears in a... snow cone(?) in Discord's paw. Letting loose a bit of steam, Shuma shouts.

“Ahhhhhh! He’s eating my brain!”

---
A/N: Shuma, we’ve been over this. You’re supposed to scream, “Enough!” *sigh* Cut!
---

“No, seriously! He’s eating my *eff*ing brain!”

---
A/N: Discord, quit eating his brain.
---

But his intelligence tastes so good.

Wait... now we're at some golf course and Rarity and Sweetie Belle are wearing kimonos? B, what did you rig this arena with again?

Muffin buttons.

What?

What?

Charging forward to test the waters, Yu runs forward and swings his sword through the faced smoke cloud three times. When he pulls back, he's surprised to see that his blade is covered in black rocks. While he's distracted, a dark crystal pillar grows up from just underneath. This sends Yu's sword flying off screen.

"All right then," he says while holding his open palm up, "Let's try this!"

But before he can call his Persona, his blade from earlier falls hilt-side, smack underneath Sombra’s horn. The unicorn/smoke cloud falls to the stage floor unconscious. An anime sweat drop hangs on Yu.

“Uh, is he okay?” Yu wonders.

---
A/N: Cut! We need a medic!
---

“Argus Agony!” Peacock hollers as multiple lasers fire from her bird and a bunch of peacock feathers that appear above her.

Shaking her head and getting back on her feet, Pinkie Pie performs a confusion dance. Somehow, in that confusing display, she dodges all of the lasers. It’s simply amazing.

But just as Spike sighs in relief, Magikoopa flies by sprinkling magic dust from his wand. The lava-filled room shakes violently. From out of the red depths, a giant Bowser emerges. He’s mad, but he’s laughing deeply.

Twilight comes on the upper ledge and copies the spell that she just witnessed. Spike groans in pain as his body and limbs stretch out. He then lets out a deeper roar. His greedy adult form stands ready against the giant Bowser.

In their growth spurts, the dragons have toppled over most of Bowser’s castle.

Luigi points in fear. “Mama mia! It’s-a Godzilla!”

“It may look-a like Godzilla,” commented Mario, “But-a due to the trademarks and-a the copyrights and the complicated laws, it’s-a not him.”

“Still, we should-a really run!”

“But it’s-a not Godzilla.”

Then, they scream in unison, “Ahhhhh!”

“Makeover!” says Rarity while hopping lightly.

“Wait, what?” Johnny asks.

Random supplies from the boutique are quickly levitated as well as Rarity’s changing curtain. Noises that imitate power tools can be heard off screen as a dust cloud covers the outermost edges of what the camera can see.

The curtain is pulled away to reveal… Johnny Cage in a white tuxedo complete with a black bow-tie.

“Much better.” Rarity nods to herself.

“Can’t… breathe,” pants Johnny, turning blue before falling to the ground.

Rarity wins!

Water

Twilight levitates three liquid orbs while balancing on top of a pond’s surface.

Earth

Big Macintosh kicks up a boulder and then kicks it outward.

Fire

Celestia flies up with the sun behind her.

Air

Rainbow Dash clears clouds away with a mini-tornado.

Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the chaos benders attacked.

Discord waves his hands over puppet strings and brings unhappiness to ponies of every type.

Only the avatars, master of all six elements could stop them. But when the world needed them most, one of them vanished.

Nightmare Moon is banished into the moon.

A thousand years had passed when my brother and I discovered the new avatar, a unicorn named Twilight Sparkle.

Applejack furiously shakes Twilight’s hoof.

Although her magic skills are great, she has a lot to learn before she’s ready to save any pony.

Twilight gets pummeled by a potted flower, an anvil, a cartful of hay, and a grand piano.

But I believe, Twilight can save the world.

Twilight stands on top of the castle wall as an unusual breeze flows through her mane.

After a few circles around, Applejack lets go of the rope letting the tied up quarry go flying. She watches the opponent fly off out of sight.

“Yee-haw!” she hollers.

“I’m blasting off again!” Bunnie hollers before disappearing into a twinkle in the sky.

“Wish? Pah!” Nightmare scoffs, “I have no wish that a mere skull could grant. I have all the power I need!”

She then whisks away in her gaseous form, leaving the door wide open on her way out.
…

Wow, I didn’t think it was possible for a skull to pull off the “forever alone” face.

The chosen fighters are literally dropped onto an open-space arena. While they each have misgivings about their circumstance, they still stand.

Talim stares speechless at the sight before her. The camera pans over.

…

Why is Fluttershy in her tree costume?

“Um… Sudo…woodo?” Fluttershy whispers.

A popping noise is heard. This is followed by a cracking sound… and another… and another. Luna tries to fight the strangle-hold, but all this accomplishes is making her eyes roll up. Finally, her body can’t take anymore as her horn charges a white aura.

Both combatants disappear in the blink of an eye. Our space cam takes a look at the surface of the moon. The combatants reappear at this stage. Suddenly, Hulk’s eyes are opened very wide. His choking grasp switches from Luna’s neck to his own.

Free from the giant’s grasp, Luna falls onto the rock and lets out a coughing fit.

“Perhaps I can just, rest here for a moment,” she mutters as she lies down.

Contrary to the rest of his green body, Hulk’s face turns blue.

Uh… Ah… Uh… What?

There we go. I don’t know why we were so worried before. That Slender Pedo is easy.

…

W? Are you still with us? *waves his hand in front of W’s face*

Suddenly, in W’s place sits a faceless, suited man.

Ahhhhhhhh! *bzzrt*

Chrysalis struggles to move from her spot as Orchid approaches. The biped unzips her jacket and a white flash blocks the view from the viewers. The light fades only after she zips back up. Surprisingly, Chrysalis finds the energy to stand up and laugh. Her hoof grabs at a piece of her carapace and pulls it open. Another flash of light blinds the audience before she replaces the piece.

Orchid throws her tonfa to the ground and crosses her arms in anger.

---

Author's Notes:

Because we all need a break from time to time.

Power vs. Power (part 1): Green IS Your Color

Please make sure the setting in the top right is “Dark”, not “Light”. Thank you.

A/N: If I really want to revive this fic from hiatus, then I had better pull all the stops. Here is the first of many headaches.
…
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Haim Saban, and Shuki Levy.
---

Wait, what am I seeing? Is this really happening?

Hell yeah! I’ve wanted to see this battle since forever.

What are you talking about? You only got this job last year.

Which in layman terms is forever.

Oh, that’s right. You told me about your short attention span before.

A door shuts.

Hey, you’re already here. How have you been?

Bored as he- oh, look. A butterfly.

F wanders off.

What’s up with him?

Honestly, I stopped trying to figure him out after the first three months.

In that case, why don’t we get right down to business?

Everyone assumes the announcer position… except for F. He gets bored with the butterfly and runs away from a spider he sees.

Teams with attitude have taken the spotlight in many televised programs.

We’re all going to pitch in our voices this time around. The canonical nature of one particular team is in question, so we’ll be right either way.

Since we want to get as much awesomeness out of this as possible, and because the director can’t possibly figure out how to cover twelve different fighters in the same arena simultaneously, we’re going to pair up each individual member against exactly one opponent at a time.

Who are these teams you ask?

Why, it’s none other than the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers!

Their opponents are the Power Ponies from the enchanted comic book.

The first matchup will showcase the leanest and the greenest.

Saddle Rager will face off against the original Green Ranger.

F gallops onto the scene.

*pant* *pant* Whew. I think I managed to lose that hell-spider.

He’s W and I’m B.

She’s N and I’m F.

And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills…

… to find out who would win a Death Battle.

The Green Ranger
-Thomas “Tommy” Oliver
-Would later wear the colors white, red, and black in that order
-Martial arts master; tied with Jason in a martial arts tournament
-Originally, his ranger powers came from the evil Rita
-Soon was recruited to the side of good, but with slowly draining powers
-Weapons: Dragon Dagger, Dragon Shield, Blade Blaster (rarely used)
-Other available equipment/zord: wrist communicator, Power Morpher w/ Dragon Power Coin, Mega Healer, Dragonzord

The earliest career move for Thomas “Tommy” Oliver was being conscripted as the Green Ranger.

And he took the route of most bad*ss*s in history: using the powers of the dark side… until some boring goody-two-shoes snapped him out of it.

Well, at least he got to keep his cool items… most of them.

Rest in peace, Sword of Darkness. You fought bravely for all the baddies out there.

It wasn’t that big a loss. Even before Rita’s intervention, Tommy was a master of martial arts on par with Jason.

Yeah, that’s true. Besides, how many guys can say that they wield a Dragon Shield and Dagger that when played like a flute summons a mecha-godzilla?

Dragonzord.

Right. What did I say?

Anyway, he wears the standard Power Morpher which allows him to activate his Ranger powers. However, this only works if the Dragon Power Coin is attached.

He’s also got a Blade Blaster, but let’s be honest. When you have a dagger and a giant robot that can shoot lasers and energy, do you really need another laser weapon? Answer: HELL YEAH!

Before he lost his Green Ranger powers for good, he managed to defeat Lord Zedd and saved five teenagers from becoming Dark Rangers. In doing so, he learned one of the most important lessons for character development.

“It’s not just the costume and powers that give me strength. It's who and what I am inside that really empowers me.”