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Deal With The Draconequus

by Never2muchpinkie

Chapter 14: Chapter 14: Regrets of the past and visions of the future

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Chapter 14: Regrets of the past and visions of the future

Sweetie Belle stormed around her house for a while, fuming and raging and cursing under her breath. She was so frustrated and angry she could barely walk straight. Her horn kept sporadically firing up, sending things flying on accident and not even caring.

As her anger built up she began throwing a tantrum again. She repeatedly slammed her hooves into the floor, screaming and sobbing, not even trying to be quiet for her sister’s sake anymore.

She cried and shouted until she had burnt out her emotions, breathing heavily on the ground. She took in shaky breaths, leaving her head on the floor as she closed her eyes. “Rarity… Rarity.” Tears were still coming down her eyes. She had thought she was over this. She had accepted the loss of her sister and had pledged to do all she could to take care of the new Rarity to stop from dwelling on the older one.

She gently panted, feeling her stomach still burning. “No more,” she said in a whisper, her vision blurry. “I can’t take anymore. This pain is unbearable. I don’t want to feel it anymore. It feels like I lost Rarity all over again. And it’s all my fault.” She let out a small sob. “B-b-but if I’m not here… then who will protect Rarity?”

Her head felt like it weighed a ton, and her eyelids wouldn’t stay open.

She didn’t know how long she stayed there when she suddenly heard a voice calling her name. “Sweetie Belle. Sweetie Belle!”

Confusion assaulted her. That voice… so familiar. It couldn’t be! Forcing her eyes open she let out a loud gasp, her eyes going wide. “Ra… Ra… Rarity?” There in front of her was her sister. Had Discord been lying to her once again?

***

Twilight entered the library, heading towards the loft.

“Hey, Twilight!” said the cheery voice of Spike. “How did everything-” He stopped and let out a gasp as he saw the light swelling on her face. “Twilight! What happened to your eye?”

She just shook her head. “It’s nothing.” In an undertone she said, “Nothing less than I deserve.”

“What do you mean nothing? You look terrible! Did Sweetie Belle do that to you?”

She let out a growl and snapped, “I said it’s nothing! So just shut up and drop it, ALRIGHT!” When she saw the hurt look on his face she immediately felt guilty. Now she was taking things out on Spike. How many of her friends was she going to make things worse for? She let out a whimper, and she began crying again as she grabbed Spike and hugged him. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry!”

Spike hugged her back. “It’s okay, Twilight. I’m sorry for prying.” He let her go, looking her in the eyes. “Is… is there anything I can do?”

Twilight slowly shook her head. “No… Spike. This is something I have to bear alone.” Walking up the ramp she sat down in her bed, letting her emotions run free as she reflected on her failures of the past few months. When she had given Discord the Element of Magic as a gesture of trust he had thrown it right back at her because simply knowing that she was willing to do that was enough to convince him that she trusted him. If she had only done more Rarity might still be alive today. What had she been thinking, asking Discord about bringing Rarity back to life while Sweetie Belle was right next to her? Sweetie Belle’s harsh words echoed in her mind, making her wince.

She reached up with her hooves, removing the Element of Generosity. She had been so stupid lately, and it had cost one of her dear friends everything. Despite all her efforts she hadn’t been able to do anything but give Rarity a little extra time. An overwhelming sense of failure was overtaking her. What was it all for? What was the point of everything she had learned if she couldn’t help her friends when they needed her the most?

She let out a loud gasp as a cold sensation appeared on her hurt eye. With her good eye she looked and saw Spike there, holding something over her eye. “What are you doing, Spike?”

“I got you an ice pack,” he responded. “You don’t have to tell me what happened if you don’t want to, but I’m not going to let you be all alone up here when you’re clearly in need of a friend.”

Tears started coming down her eyes. Shifting her position she picked up Spike and held him to her. “Thank you, Spike!” She started feeling a little better.

“No problem, Twilight,” he said with a smile.

***

“There you are!” she heard her sister say. “What are you doing sleeping on the floor, you silly?”

“Rarity?” she said with confusion.

She saw her older sister flipping her hair as she showed off one of her dresses. “Isn’t it just FABULOUS?” she heard. “Oh, I’m sure this dress will be the talk of the town.”

“Yes, Rarity,” she responded. “It’s beautiful just like you.”

“Oh, thank you, Sweetie Belle. Your compliments mean a lot to me.”

Sweetie Belle’s sense of euphoria quickly dwindled. She clenched her eyes shut, shaking her head. “No! Stop it! You’re not real! Rarity’s dead! She isn’t with me anymore.”

“Of course she is!” she heard another voice say. Princess Luna appeared.

“Princess Luna?” Realization washed over her. “So this is just… a dream?”

“I could feel your distress in my sleep, so I decided to come help you out.”

Sweetie Belle let out a sigh. “I knew it. She’s gone forever.”

“Not at all. Do you think the ones we love ever truly leave us? Rarity is still looking over you. Though her body may have passed on her heart and soul are still alive in you.”

Luna came and sat down next to her, gently rubbing her back. “Your sister loved you very dearly. You were a frequent occupant of her dreams. At times it was when she was annoyed at you for breaking something or making a mess, but most of the time she dreamt of the two of you together.”

With a flash the scenery changed to a lush beach. Sweetie Belle wiped her face, sniffing a little. She saw her and Rarity at the beach, playing volleyball against Apple Bloom and Applejack.

“And at still others it was about her fears and worries over you.”

With another flash the scenery changed once again. Rarity was sitting in her workshop, her lush mane mostly gray and lines on her face. Sweetie Belle saw herself as a mare, looking troubled. “Don’t worry, Rarity,” her older self said, with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Tomorrow I’ll go out and try again. I HAVE to get a cutie mark sometime. I won’t be a blank flank forever.”

The image faded away, leaving the area black as night. Luna patted her head. “Do you see, Sweetie Belle? Your sister has always cared about you, no matter what happened between you. You have grown up, striving to master magic and become a hero.”

Rarity appeared again. “That’s right, dear sister,” said Rarity. “I’m so proud of you for all that you’ve done in honor of me.”

Tears brimmed in Sweetie Belle’s eyes as her whole body clenched, and she gasped in a breath. Even if it was only an illusion, a dream, it felt like a stabbing pain in her heart to hear that. She fell to the floor, sobbing. Really, it was what she been most desiring to hear: That all her efforts were enough to make her sister proud.

“I know things are difficult right now, but they will get better. A lot of ponies need you, Sweetie Belle. To think of leaving this life and pursuing the sister that is gone is not a good choice. You know full well how much you yourself are hurting right now. Do you think you could force that same pain onto others? Your baby sister especially needs you to teach her.

"I know that it is not easy, but you must endure. Be strong, like the sister you admire, and you will give strength to all those around you. Ponies rally around those who show admirable attributes. The same way that observing the generous nature of your sister made you strive to be like her.”

Sweetie Belle looked at the ground. “I know that. I know. It’s just… I’ve missed her so much. I accepted that she was dead, but then I got a hope of being able to see her again. It lifted me up so high that the crash hurt worse than the first time I lost her. I know I can’t leave yet. It would make all my lessons meaningless if I wasn’t around to protect my little sister.”

Her eyes narrowed as rage filled her mind again. “It’s all that stupid Twilight’s fault!”

As the memory came back to her Twilight and Discord appeared in the dreamscape. “If you truly want to make things up for what happened… can you… will you bring Rarity back to us?”

Sweetie Belle growled as she ran forward and tackled Twilight, making it dissolve into mist. “I hate her! I hate her! She’s so stupid! What was she thinking? Why would she say that if she didn’t know if it would work?”

“Sweetie Belle-”

“NO!” she yelled, rounding on the alicorn. “You’re going to order me to apologize, right? Well, nothing doing!”

“Of course not.”

“Don’t give me that! I know you’re going to tell me I should.”

“Sweetie Belle. Do you know the only way to apologize?"

She rolled her eyes. “With words?” she said sarcastically.

“No. With your heart.”

“Huh?”

“An apology means nothing if it is said with insincere motives. Ordering you to apologize is meaningless if you won’t mean what you say.

“Let me ask you something, Sweetie Belle. Are you so arrogant as to believe that you’re the only one in Ponyville that was saddened by your sister’s death?”

“Of course not! I know tons of ponies were sad. Why wouldn’t they be? Rarity was amazing.”

“Did you consider the fact that Twilight was just as devastated as you were by Rarity’s passing?”

“So what?”

“If it had been YOU that had an idea that Discord could bring Rarity back to life do you not think that the rest of your friends would be similarly devastated that it couldn’t be done?”

“They probably were. Again, so what? It doesn’t make what Twilight did any less stupid.”

“Did you even consider the possibility that Twilight was likely so hopeful that she couldn’t hold back?” Sweetie Belle blinked, meeting her eyes but not responding. “You talk to me about your pain. If you thought there was a way to bring Rarity back to life don’t you think that you yourself would ask as soon as possible, wanting to know the answer one way or the other? You got your hopes up for a short time, but the rest of them have had a few months of uncertainty. Is it any wonder then that Twilight couldn’t hold back, banking on a hope of Discord’s ability to defy reality so that she could see her best friend once more?”

Sweetie Belle averted her eyes, not wanting to answer.

Luna let out a small huff. “Your action just now shows more than you know. Twilight feels responsible for Rarity not getting better. I know she spent countless hours going through books, looking for a cure to that disease. Now on top of that you had to attack her for attempting to right things?”

The accusation made her anger flare up again. “WHY SHOULDN’T SHE FEEL GUILTY? She FAILED! She failed everyone!”

“Who is it you are really mad at, Sweetie Belle? I once helped out your friend Scootaloo when she was having nightmares. She turned her inner struggles into outer ones through monsters in her dreams, when her true conflict was in her heart. She felt inferior to the idol she looked up to, and thought Rainbow Dash could never appreciate her for being 'weak.' So is it truly Twilight you’re the most angry at, or is she just a perfect target for misdirecting the anger that otherwise would be aimed at yourself?”

Sweetie Belle shuddered, grimacing. “No,” she said in a small voice. “It’s… it’s her fault. She admitted it herself.”

“Really? Then why have you suddenly gotten so quiet? Just as I told your friend you have to face your true self. You must forgive yourself for your mistakes, and stop dwelling on the past. There is no room for 'What if’s' in the world. There is no guarantee of what will happen after a given action until it happens.

"If you HAD given Discord the Element back when he tried to make that trade with you there is no guarantee he would have remained friendly. It was only because their mistrust led to Rarity’s death that the rest of them did their best to befriend Discord, and thus give him a feeling of security. Without that Fluttershy would still be his only friend, and there would still be a lot of distrust between the rest of them because they would know Discord had the Element and could turn on them at any time.

“You made the decision that felt right in your heart. That is the best that you can do in this life: to remain true to yourself. You made the best choice you could, and anything else is mere assumption.”

“Just stop it! I made my mistake, but I’m just a kid! I’m supposed to make mistakes. Twilight was your sister’s personal student since she was about my age. She doesn’t have any excuse to be stupid. I don’t want to forgive her and YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!”

Luna’s eyebrow went up. “I don’t believe I’ve said once in our conversation that you should forgive her or that I want you to. You’re the one who keeps bringing it up, Sweetie Belle.”

“Don’t lie to me! You just haven’t brought it up YET. YET! You’re going to tell me at some point before you leave what I should do.”

“Your feelings are your own. As I said earlier, even if I threatened or coerced you into apologizing it would be a hollow act and a token gesture, because your heart wouldn’t be in your words.”

Sweetie Belle’s eyes narrowed. “Fine. So then you’re going to use my sister against me,right? 'What do you think RARITY would do if this happened? What would RARITY want you to feel? Wouldn't RARITY want you to forgive Twilight?' Don’t bother!”

Luna shook her head, a slightly exasperated look on her face. “I’m not going to ask you what you think Rarity would do. I want to ask you what you would tell Rarity to do.”

Sweetie Belle tilted her head slightly, an eyebrow rising. “What are you talking about? Rarity was older than me. Who would I be to tell her what to do?”

Luna shook her head again. “I’m not talking about her.” Rarity appeared and vanished. “I’m talking about HER.” Baby Rarity appeared, but she stayed. “What would you tell her to do in your situation?

“Young foals are like information sponges. They absorb information at a rate older ponies can’t even fathom. It is necessary for their first few years of life, as they have to be able to begin to understand the world around them, learn to speak, run, and interact with the ponies in their life. And learning isn’t done simply when you’re making the effort to teach them. They also pay attention to you in your daily life. They automatically copy the ponies in their lives to start forming their own identity.

"Without a notion of right and wrong, or good and evil, they make no distinction between the two. If they observe you being kind to others and sharing they see that as good. If they observe you being jealous and greedy they also see that as good, since they saw someone they love doing it, and anything they see their loved ones doing is something they should too.

“The first pony’s babies observe is, naturally, their mother and father, as well as their siblings. The point of being an older sibling is to pass on the traits you most cherish onto them. You observed your sister being generous, and thus now you have a cutie mark for generosity and desire to show off that to others so they can do the same. Good and desirable traits are like a contagious disease: they pass on to others by close contact as what you have gets passed onto them.”

The dream Rarity was on her back, gently kicking her hooves and giggling. “Swee-Belle!” she said happily as another Sweetie Belle appeared above her and started tickling her, making her laugh more.

Sweetie Belle found her anger dwindling as she looked warmly at her sister.

“Yes, Rarity is truly a little angel right now. All babies are innocent, ignorant of the evils and wrongs of the world. But in time they grow up, and they do start to know them. In order to not get corrupted by them and begin to follow after them it requires ponies who will keep a firm hold on them when they start to wander off the path, and push them back onto the right one, no matter how much they resist along the way.

“Your influence might be even stronger than that of your parents, as ponies tend to come to those closer to their own age. Sometimes there are things we want to hide from our parents and we feel more comfortable confiding in our siblings. Sometimes we need our sister by our side to get up the courage to tell our parents we made a mistake. There are plenty of other examples, but having been a younger sister yourself I’m sure you know full well what I’m talking about.” Sweetie Belle nodded.

“Your influence will help determine the type of pony Rarity will grow up to be. It is completely true that pony’s need to be responsible for their own actions. Just because they had a good upbringing doesn’t mean a pony won’t ever do anything bad or be talked into doing the wrong thing. However, those who have a strong support system and a strong moral foundation will be more able to admit their errors and come back to their family or friends in apology. For that a pony needs to be around those who will set the best examples. You may still be a child in age, Sweetie Belle, but you are maturing quickly. You now are one of the wielders of the Elements of Harmony, and you are a big sister, who will help to guide the life of a pony.

“Just like a plant, the only thing that will sprout in a child is what is planted. You wouldn’t expect to plant an apple seed and give birth to a pear tree. Similarly, what seeds you plant in your sister is an indicator of the way she herself will grow up. One small thing can snowball into a big thing, tainting your being with anger and hatred and leading to destruction of the spirit and heart, and that is something your sister may pick up and pass on to others.”

There was a flash from Luna’s horn, and both Rarity and dream Sweetie Belle began growing. Sweetie Belle found it fascinating to see herself as a mare. Rarity’s resemblance to her namesake was even more pronounced. Her mane and tail were still not the same, but besides that it was difficult to tell the difference.

Rarity began crying. Her voice sounded much the same, just in a deeper pitch.

“Rarity!” said dream Sweetie Belle. “What happened?”

“That jerk friend of mine made a fool out of me in front of everyone!” She buried her head in Sweetie Belle’s chest, sobbing.

“Aw, Rarity!” She put her hooves up, taking her sister in a hug.

After a short time she settled down, pulling away as she wiped her face. “Hmph!” She scoffed as she took on an annoyed tone. “You were right about him. I should have gotten rid of him after the last time he did something stupid. I shouldn’t have forgiven him. Forgiving others is stupid, unless they’re family.” A twisted smile came to her face. “Just like that stupid Twilight. You told me enough about how she betrayed you.” She started looking enraged. “Twilight Sparkle!” She said it like it was the foulest thing imaginable. “The pony that killed our sister!”

The real Sweetie Belle gasped, her eyes widening.

“What a horrible example of the Element of Magic she is. She couldn’t even save one of her friends when it mattered the most."

A cold feeling came to her chest as she gently shook her head. “No…”

“I’m glad you broke all ties with her. It’s HER fault I never got to meet the awesome sister I was named after. I never got to try my sister’s fashions. Too bad SHE didn’t die instead, that monster of a pony!”

Sweetie Belle was panting now, tears coming down her eyes. “No! Stop it! Stop it, Rarity!”

With that same twisted smile she said, “I snuck into the library the other day when she wasn’t paying attention and drew all over a bunch of books. I could have just destroyed them, but I think it makes it more funny to think of her just browsing one of her favorite books in the middle of the night and not being able to finish because there’s a big black spot all over the page.” She let out a malicious laugh. “Aren’t you so proud of me, Big Sis?”

“STOP IT!” she squeaked. “STOP IT, RARITY! Stop talking like that!”

The illusion faded, and like time rewinding the scene slowly went back until Rarity had become a baby again. “Swee-Belle!” she called out in her tiny voice.

Sweetie Belle fell to the ground, gently sobbing. It was just an illusion, but it had felt way too real.

“Do you see now what anger, hatred, and a refusal to forgive can lead to? You are now an older sister, Sweetie Belle. Is THAT want you want to pass on to Rarity? Is that the way you want her to be?”

Sweetie Belle rapidly shook her head hard. “No! I don’t EVER want Rarity to be like that. But… but…” She shifted her eyes around. “I… I don’t know what’s right. Do you think I was wrong to be mad at Twilight?”

“One of the golden rules of friendship is to treat others the way you want to be treated. Twilight already feels responsible for most of what went wrong. If you were in her position, would you want someone to throw more guilt at you?”

“No…”

“You may be Rarity’s little sister, and strive to be like her, but you are not her. You are your own pony, and you have to make your own decisions. Forgive her, or don’t. Your pain is justified, and your anger is justified, but you have to decide what you want to do with those feelings. Always keep in the back of your mind that you’re going to be accompanied by a pony that is going to follow after your every move, striving to be like her cherished older sister. What example are YOU going to set for her?”

Sweetie Belle felt her mind return to the images she had just watched, of that perverse smile on Rarity’s face, and the delight she was getting out of doing what she could to hurt Twilight. It didn’t escape her that Luna was in control of the dreams and it wasn’t actually the future, but did she actually want to take the chance to have that come true? Did she ever want to envision a future that she was directing Rarity to be bitter and vindictive and untrusting? No matter how she felt about Twilight she would never, EVER let that possibility become a certainty.

“Princess Luna…”

“Yes, young one?”

“I… I’m going to forgive Twilight,” she said in a small voice. “I would set a bad example for Rarity if things continued on like this. Even if what you showed me wasn’t real it might become that, and that is even more unbearable. To think of Rarity staining my older sister’s name by becoming the exact opposite of what she represented, and all because of my influence… that would make me far worse than Twilight ever was.

“You’re right. A part of my anger at Twilight is because I don’t want to face myself. I do feel like Rarity’s death was meaningless and that I could have stopped it. But… there’s no going back now. I can only go forward now by teaching little Rarity all the things that Rarity no longer can.”

Luna’s face lit up. “I’m proud of you, Sweetie Belle. I’m here helping you for the same reason.”

“What do you mean?”

“My anger and hatred led to me turning into Nightmare Moon and being sealed away for a thousand years. Upon my return I’ve done my best to make amends for my errors of the past. I’ve learned that bearing a grudge has not brought me any benefits, and now I talk with my sister when I have issues to stop something small growing into something bigger. By choosing to let go of your anger and being forgiving you’re giving your sister something positive to watch instead of something negative. That already makes my freedom worth a lot, as it allows me to stop other ponies from making my same mistake.

“As a reward for your decision I will grant you the thing you want most. Of course, that’s only if you want it.”

Sweetie Belle felt confused again. “If it’s the thing I want most then why wouldn’t I want it?”

“My dream-walking ability allows me to enter and manipulate the dreams of others. When one is having a nightmare I can destroy what it is that is tormenting them. I can show them images and memories and help them see their way through their problems. Anything I can imagine I can make manifest in this world.

“If you wish, for a short time, I can let you see your sister again. You can choose a memory of the two of you that you want to revisit, or I can make a more solid Rarity that you can play around with.

“The danger there, of course, is of longing. You might come to desire it more and more and dwell on the past, forgetting the present.”

“If I did that then I’d be abandoning the Rarity I’m obligated to look after, and that won’t ever happen.

“I do think I’d like that, but not now. Tonight. After all, I don’t want to be interrupted, and I did kinda fall asleep right in the middle of the living room.”

Luna nodded. “Very well. I shall see you tonight, Sweetie Belle.”

Luna flapped her wings, rising into the sky as a vortex appeared behind her, absorbing the blackness of the dreamscape and turning it white. The whiteness grew so bright it hurt her eyes, and she closed them.

As she opened her eye a crack she saw she was back home. Getting up she walked up to her room. She saw Rarity was still sound asleep. Lowering the bars on the crib she took her sister out.

Rarity fussed a little, opening her eyes a crack and whining, but when she saw her sister she let out a small, content, “Swee-Belle.” A few seconds later she was back to sleep.

Using her magic to help hold her sister up she went outside to the lake, dipping her hooves in as she slowly rocked her sister. Again, the images ran through her mind. She wouldn’t ever let them become reality. Her sister would never become malicious and hateful like that. She wouldn’t allow it. When her parents got home she’d leave Rarity with them and go visit Twilight and make things right between them.

She continued staring at her reflection, deep in thought, when she heard a voice call her name. As she looked up she saw Discord standing there. She felt a flash of irritation that she quickly suppressed, mindful of her sister in her lap.

“Sweetie Belle,” he said quickly. “Just say the word and I’ll leave, but I can do something for you that can partially make up for what I’ve done.”

She felt some mild interest. “Like what?” she said, restlessly kicking her hooves back and forth.

“I told you before that I can’t bring the dead back to life. Similarly, I can’t create life from nothing. However, with my magic and the help of you and all your friends there is a way I can 'sorta' restore Rarity back to life. You’ll just have to understand it won’t truly be your sister.”

Sweetie Belle turned her head to him completely, wondering what he had in mind.

Next Chapter: Chapter 15: Discord's offer, Sweetie's maturity. Estimated time remaining: 29 Minutes
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