I feel a gentle shake, and I begin to stir.

I don’t want to wake up...

I almost begin to cry, remembering the dream I had last night about ponies and boxes...

“Hey, Peter, wake up,” I hear Charles whisper.

I reluctantly open my eyes, about to break down because of the fact that I no longer have a –

I smile wide as I see the cyan Pegasus sleeping in my arms. So, it wasn’t a dream...

Thank God.

I look up from Rainbow Dash, to see Charles, holding my laptop up, with a beach side property lighting up the screen.

“How much?” I groggily ask, rubbing my eyes as they adjust to the sudden light.

“Eight hundred thousand, which leaves us with about three hundred thousand. I’ll leave the three hundred thousand in your bank account, seeing as how you’re the father. All you have to let me do is invest a bit of it. Perhaps fifty thousand.”

I nod, still rather groggy. “Okay...So, what will you do? Take the money from my account, and leave three hundred thousand in it after?”

He simply nods as well. I can tell his mind isn’t exactly focused on talking to me. “Uh...Did something happen?”

Charles nods, and places the laptop back where he had been sitting, plugging it back into the wall. He and I both know that my laptop, despite being almost brand new, has one hour of battery life, when fully charged.

When he gulps, I know that either something’s gone either horribly wrong, or he’s uncomfortable about something. I look down at Rainbow Dash, ensuring that she’s still asleep.

“What happened?”

“The house is, supposedly...”

He falters, and I raised my eyebrow, suspicious. “What is it?”

“Fully furnished,” Charles finally gets out, scratching the back of his head in anxiety. I immediately perk up, and Rainbow Dash stirs within my arms.

“Fully furnished? That’s awesome, Charles. Why would you be worried about that?”

The once-economic tyrant sighs, and leans against the wall. “Normally, when someone sells a house fully furnished, it’s because there’s been a complication, and they want to put some frosting on the cake, so as to diminish the problem.”

In my early morning haze, I blink, confused.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“It means that the property may be potentially damaged in some way.”

I shrug. “Well, we’ll have to go out and take a look at it, won’t we?”

At this, Charles smiles. “It’s ten miles away, Peter. I’ll go, and you’ll stay here with the ponies.”

My jaw drops. “Ten miles away? Charles, we have to bring all of these ponies up there, remember? How in the hell are we going to do that?”

Charles shrugs, and looks down at the cyan Pegasus in my arms. “Rainbow Dash is waking up, Peter. And I think she’s a bit hungry.”

I look down at the cyan Pegasus, and smile despite the issue at hand. She has her wing in her mouth again, and is sucking it like it’s a pacifier.

“Get the diapers from outside, would you?”

“Sure thing. You sure you know how to do this?”

“I used to watch my sister’s kids, before she...Passed. I know how to make a diaper.”

Charles smiles in sympathy at the word “passed”.

“Sorry to hear that,” he says softly. I nod, and take a deep breath. Just then, I'm distracted by Rainbow Dash, as she pokes me with a hoof.

“Yes, Rainbow Dash,” I coo to her, “I’m going to give you some food. Just hang in there, okie dokie?”

She smiles at me, and giggles lightly. “Okie dokie lokie?” I coo to her, kissing her on the forehead as she giggles at the words.

I look up, and see that it’s almost eleven o’clock in the morning.

Good. We’re not waking them up too early...

Charles walks back in with the diapers and powder, and I immediately unpack a diaper, and lay Rainbow Dash down on it.

“I hope this works for ponies,” I mutter to myself as I gently put powder on the diaper, and wrap it around Rainbow Dash’s small legs.

Or rather, try to wrap it around Rainbow Dash’s small legs.

She keeps moving them, left, right, up, down, just to foil my attempts at diapering her.

And we both laugh the whole way through.

It’s strange, to have this kind of connection with an infant, the same kind of connection you would normally have with a more-developed toddler. They’re all just so smart, and they grasp concepts much faster than a human baby does.

Or, maybe they don’t. The most I’ve spent around human babies is my sister’s, before she passed away, (she had stage four cancer,) and that wasn’t really that long of a time span, so I really have no way to gauge it.

Anyway, I finally manage to get the diaper around Rainbow Dash’s legs, and I use the pre-made tape tabs to hold it all together. To my pleasant surprise, it stays in place, and perfectly fits her.

“There,” I whisper. “All better now, right?”

Rainbow Dash smiles up at me, and I kiss her on the forehead.

“Time to have some breakfast, Rainbow Dash.”

The cyan Pegasus claps her hooves once, and I poke her on the belly. “I assume that you’re hungry.”

She giggles again, and I reach down to the bag of food by my bed, and pop open one of the tubes of oatmeal.

And then I realize something, something that Charles had obviously realized about ten minutes ago. If he hadn't, he would have left already.

"Yo, Charles, can you-"

"Run to the store, and buy fourteen baby bottles for the milk they’re supposed to have?"

I simply nod, and focus on keeping Rainbow Dash entertained, so as to delay her crying over not having any milk.

"Uncle Charles is going to get you a baba, okay?" I whisper to her, poking her in the belly with a finger. She immediately presses a hoof to my finger, and keeps it there. I smile at her touch, and I lean down to kiss her on the forehead.

However, another hoof comes out to stop me, pressed against my chin.

"Oh, no!" I whisper, making Rainbow Dash giggle. "The infamous Dash has me! Whatever shall I do?"

She removes her hoof from my finger, and jabs it into my nose in a mock punch. It doesn’t hurt whatsoever, but it’s just so adorable that I can’t help but play along.

Then again, even if it hadn't been adorable, I would've played along.

"Oh, no, you're too strong!" I coo to her, laying down next to her and cradling her between my knees. "You've beaten me, O great one!"

I let my tongue loll out, and cross my eyes. Rainbow Dash giggles and pokes me repeatedly.

Each time she pokes me, I make a different face.

By the time Charles closes the door behind him, my eyes are hurting from crossing them so much, but Rainbow Dash keeps me going.

"'K, I got the-What the-"

I look up at him, and chuckle. "Just having some fun with Rainbow Dash." She pokes me, and I make another face at her. "Quick, fill the bottles with milk."

He nods, and hastily brings the bottles into my small kitchen, as we had both seen Twilight's horn begin to glow ominously.

A few seconds later, Charles rushes back into the room, and hands me the bottle.

"Get another, quick," I urge him, as I pick up Rainbow Dash and place her on my pillow.

"Eh-eh-eh-eh!" She shouts, trying, and failing, to reach the bottle.

"No, Rainbow Dash, this is Twilight's. I don't want her to burn my house down with a burst of magic," I softly explain as I pick up Twilight, who is reaching desperately for the bottle.

I hold her in one arm, and support the bottle over her mouth as she sucks the milk from it, her eyes closed as she drinks.

Charles then walks in with another bottle, and just in time, as Rainbow Dash had begun to cry.

Thankfully, Charles is able to get the bottle in her mouth before the chain reaction starts.

As the blue filly suckles away, Twilight Sparkle slows her suckling, and begins to push the bottle away.

"Had your fill, Twilight?" I ask her, before I place the bottle by my side. Reaching back for the diapers, I find one, and quickly lay it out on my bed. When I finish wrapping up the lilac filly, I smile at her, and poke the unicorn on the nose.

At the same time that Twilight's eyes begin to slowly close, and a large yawn explodes from within her, Rainbow Dash pushes the bottle away as well, and crawls over to Twilight, poking the lavender unicorn in her sleep.

Charles and I exchange a glance, and I select a nickname for the young Rainbow Dash.

"I see you like Twilight, Rainbow Poke," I coo to her.

Directing my words, but not my attention, to Charles, I begin, "can you fill the rest of the-"

I look up to find that Charles has already left the room.

He returns a few seconds later with a milk jug, and an arm full of bottles.

"Let's just fill them in here," he explains, as he sits down on the floor and fills two bottles. When he has successfully attached the plastic nipples, he climbs onto the bed and hands me a bottle.

"Let's get Celestia and Luna," I say, immediately reaching down to gently wake up the two Princesses.

However, my hand is immediately stopped by a gummy bite.

"Uh, Peter?" Charles snickers. "I think Derpy's hungry."

I smile down at the grey filly, who is gumming away at my hand, the teeth too small to actually get a grip on my fingers. I slowly remove my hand from her mouth, and pick her up.

Now cradling her in my arms, I look into her one eye that's looking directly at me. The other eye is comically staring off into space, and the both of them close as I place the bottle in her mouth.

I look over to Charles, and I see Fluttershy in his arms, eagerly sucking away at a bottle.

After a small while, both Derpy and Fluttershy push away the bottles. Reaching behind me for diapers, I pull out two, lay them out on the bed, and place Derpy in one of them.

After I diaper Derpy, I take Fluttershy and diaper her, as well.

I place Derpy in the sock drawer, but Charles moves Fluttershy over with Rainbow Dash, in hopes to distract the cyan Pegasus from Twilight, who is now starting to aggressively swat back at Rainbow Dash in her interrupted nap. Despite Fluttershy being present, Rainbow Dash continues to poke Twilight, and the Twilight continues to swat at her. And, before we can do anything, the lavender unicorn eventually catches the cyan Pegasus on the snout.

Rainbow Dash falls back on her flank, and her eyes tear up, a small whine ominously building up from within the cyan Pegasus.

Charles and I exchange a worried glance, and we both dive for her at the same time.

As our heads collide, Rainbow Dash looks up at us and giggles, clapping her hooves together as if to say, "again! Again!"

"Ow...Okay, new rule. I comfort Rainbow Dash," I mutter, holding my head as it throbs. Charles simply nods, holding his head as well, and I poke the giggling Rainbow Dash in the tummy.

"You like that, do you?"

The cyan Pegasus nods, and I realize that she may just say her first word tomorrow, seeing as how she can perfectly understand the English language...

And so can everypony else. It's strange, really, and makes me wonder how old they really are...

"Hey, Charles?"

He grunts, and I look over to see him cradling Trixie in his arms. I immediately ready two more diapers.

"How old do you think they are?"

Charles frowns, and sets the bottle aside as Trixie pushes it out of her mouth. She immediately snuggles up in his arms, and begins her Cute and Fidgety nap.

"I dunno. I mean, they seem to understand English, but...Maybe they're yearlings. I really don't know, Peter. I thought that you might have a slight idea."

I let out a small *humph*, and reach down to pick up Pinkie Pie, who is chasing her own tail in the sock drawer. It takes a while to catch her, as she keeps dodging my hands and sticking her tongue out at me, but when I do, I'm rewarded with a huge, somewhat-toothy grin.

I grin back, and I show Charles her almost-full set of teeth. The pink pony comically retains her giant grin as I turn her, and looks at me out of the corner of her eyes, as if to say, "am I done yet?"

Charles smiles, and rubs her tummy, and pokes her on the tip of the muzzle, releasing a "boop" as his finger makes contact.

Pinkie Pie shrieks in laughter, and releases a rather slurred "boop", her head lolling to one side. Charles and I exchange an incredulous look, and smile. It was a step in the right direction to a first word, and she had only been in my house for one day.

Charles puts Trixie down on the diaper. After I’ve closed it on her small flank, he places Trixie back in the sock drawer, and reaches for Rarity. At the same time, I get the bottle into Pinkie's mouth, and cradle her as she sucks away at the milk.

The pink pony totally empties the whole bottle, and keeps begging for more.

"No, Pinkie Pie," I coo, "you can't have too much milky-wilky."

As soon as I say that, Pinkie Pie starts to whimper.

"Don't cry, Pinkie," I beg, patting her back as I cradle her against my shoulder. "Please, don't cry..."

And then, without warning, Pinkie Pie burps, loud. As soon as the burp escapes her, she stops whimpering, and starts giggling.

Across the bed, Rarity tosses her curly mane in evident disgust.

"So wude, wight Wawity?" Charles coos to her. I simply stare in disbelief.

He's the last person I would ever expect to use baby talk, even to a baby.

However, Rarity enjoys it, as she smiles, and nods.

Charles and I share yet another glance. These ponies are smarter than we were as babies.

Smiling, Charles holds up the bottle for Rarity, and I diaper Pinkie Pie.

She, too, is bent upon foiling my plans to keep her clean. However, I eventually succeed, and boop her on the nose, to which she responds with a boop of her own.

Finally, after Rarity's had her fill, Charles raises his eyes at me.

"Who next?" He asks, noticing the lack of a pony in my arms, having just placed Pinkie Pie down in the sock drawer.

I reach down and poke Rainbow Dash in the side, distracting her from Fluttershy for a moment. The yellow Pegasus takes the moment to her advantage, and tackles Rainbow Dash in a debilitating hug.

Within a minute, they've both fallen into a nap in each others' forelegs.

"Uh, Peter? Who next?"

I look up, snapping out of the world of Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy.

"Let's do Big Mac and Applejack. I think we'll have to lay them next to each other on the bed."

He nods, and we do just that, resting our elbows on the bed as the siblings instinctively suck away at the bottles. I close the diapers that we had laid them out on, and lovingly stroke Applejack’s short, golden mane.

About five minutes later, Big Mac and Applejack are asleep as well, their bottles on the bed, their bodies in the drawer.

I smile, and motion towards Celestia and Luna. We pick them up, and similarly lay them out on their diapers. As we feed them, the white alicorn opens an eye, and looks directly at me.

As soon as they have both had their fill, I close the diapers, and we place them back in the sock drawer.

And now, for the biggest challenge.

“So, Charles, seeing as how Lyra, Octavia, and Vinyl Scratch wouldn’t sleep unless they had each other, I have reason to believe that it’s the same with their eating habits.”

Charles nods, and picks up Lyra, who immediately turns and reaches for her sisters. (And when I say sisters, I don't mean sisters by genes, but sisters due to all of them being my daughters.)

I take Lyra from Charles’ hands, and she immediately recognizes me as the man who saved her from the cold. She smiles at me, and lets me place her down on the diaper.

Next is Octavia. She clings onto Vinyl Scratch, making it rather difficult to remove either of them alone without making them cry. So while Charles picks up Octavia, I carry Vinyl Scratch with her, and we finally have the trio laid out on three diapers.

I pick up two bottles, and Charles picks up one. We insert the nipples into each of their mouths, and they suck eagerly, instinct telling them that this was a source of food.

By the time the milk is halfway down, they’ve all had their fill, and I close the diapers and place them back in the sock drawer.

I take a glance over at Derpy Hooves, and my heart melts. The grey filly has her forelegs wrapped around one of my socks, and is eagerly chewing the toe of it.

“Well,” Charles whispers as he carefully stands, “I think I’d better go see this house. I’ll call you if there are any immediate problems.”

I nod, and stand, as well.

“I need to get some breakfast,” I mumble as I shuffle past him, yawning in the morning.

He nods, and walks out the door, but not without one last comment.

“This is the weirdest fucking morning ever,” he dryly states, but not without a smile.

I chuckle as I pour out my Cheerios, and saturate them with milk.

This is the weirdest morning ever...

I wake up to a bang,

I find a shitload of boxes,

And I become the father of fourteen ponies.

As I sit down on the couch across from my small television set, I shake my head and sigh.

What have I gotten myself into?

Running a hand through my hair, I pick up the remote, and flick on the television, anxious to hear news about the arrival of my little ponies.

Thankfully, it never comes.

However, the newscasters don’t even speak of it.

They don’t even refer to the bang as a car crash, (which it obviously wasn’t,) and they don't even refer to the bang at all. It's almost as if it never happened, as far as the newscasters were concerned.

Which fills me with dread.

If they’re not talking about it, even in the slightest reference...

Then the government is trying to cover it up, and the FBI is, more likely than not, on its way right now.