I'm woken up by the sound of something being destroyed.
I burst into a sitting position, my eyes wide as I realize that I actually slept instead of supervising my kids.
I look down, and see that the only ponies that are remaining are Celestia, Luna, Octavia, Fluttershy, and Twilight. And they're all staring at the house in wide-eyed terror.
I quickly undo the leashes holding Celestia and Luna, and take Fluttershy off of my lap and place her on the ground. I stand, and rush in through the opened back door.
The first thing I notice is Rainbow Dash, sitting on top of our plasma screen television.
Except it's on the floor.
And it's broken.
"Rainbow, what did you do!?" I cry, holding my hands to my head as I walk over the shattered glass. It landed on the table, so it sort of got destroyed even more. Rainbow looks up at me with eyes of pure innocence, and I frown.
"I just wanted to see if I could get in the magic box," Rainbow responds. "But it fell."
I sigh as I pinch my fingers to the bridge of my nose. "Rainbow...just...I'll deal with it later, where're your siblings?"
"Uh...Rarity's in your bedroom."
I wince a bit as I pick up Rainbow Dash, and place her on the couch. I jump up the stairs, and see that Applejack and Big Mac have fallen asleep on the second floor landing. I smile despite myself as I skirt around them.
And my eyes widen as I see what Rarity is doing in my bedroom.
She's drawing a large mural of scribbles and crudely shaped letters with hearts in between. "Rarity, put down the markers!" I shout, snatching all the markers out of her magical grasp. "What are you doing!?"
"I was making a happy drawing on your wall," Rarity responds with a pout, tears coming forth as I ignore her "happy drawing."
"Yeah, it's great," I respond dismissively. "If you wanted to draw it, you should've drawn it on a piece of paper, Rares! Not on the wall!"
Rarity sighs, and sniffles a bit. "I...I'm sorry, Daddy...I just wanted to make you smile..."
My shoulders sag as I look down at her. "I know, sweetheart, but next time, just don't draw on the wall, alright? It's very pretty, baby. And how about you draw it on a piece of paper, and I'll hang it from my wall?"
Rarity wipes her eyes, and nods. "O...okay, Daddy..."
I'm about to pick her up when I hear another smash of destruction. I run down the stairs, and find Derpy Hooves looking down from the bannister of the second floor. A vase from the Civil War lays shattered on the floor, and the flowers and dirt are spread our in a pattern of destruction. "Derpy," I whine. "What are you doing?"
"I wanted it to fly," she responds innocently as she looks back at me. I sigh as I adjust her eyepatch, and pick her up.
"Well, vases don't fly," I inform her. "Now, come on - let's go find your sisters..." I sidestep Applejack and Big Mac again as I walk down the stairs.
I immediately go into the un-renovated parts of the house, where the building used to be a museum. I walk past a few exhibits that have cloths placed over them, as the less popular ones were left here for "storage." I place Derpy on an antique table, give her explicit instructions not to move, and start to search.
"Is anyone there?" I ask. "Hello?"
I hear a bit of giggling, and I smile to myself as I look around a corner. I see a flit of tail, but besides that, there's nothing. I follow the clue, and I hear a bit more giggling as whoever is hiding from me jumps away.
I don't notice that Derpy looks to her left.
I silently make my way over to a covered exhibit, and peer over it to where the pony was hiding. However, I'm greeted by an empty space, and I frown in confusion.
That is, until I feel a pony run between my legs. I smile as I turn, and catch a glimpse of a light green tail. I follow it, and I eventually trick the pony into running right into my arms.
"Hello!" I say sweetly as I catch Lyra. "I've got you!"
Lyra giggles, and hugs me as I win. However, our happiness is cut short by a shout.
"Derpy, get away from my cookie!"
I look back to where I left Derpy, and find that she's not there. I sigh as I place Lyra on the couch, next to the surprisingly docile Rainbow Dash, and search for Derpy Hooves.
I eventually find a good amount of ponies in the kitchen, and I see that Vinyl Scratch and Pinkie Pie are holding their own cookies with looks of trepidation as Derpy tries to get one.
"Guys, give her one," I sigh. "Wait, where'd you-"
I'm interrupted by the sound of a pony crying. My eyes widen as I rush to the source of the noise, and find that Trixie is standing above Twilight, and that the latter is crying.
"What happened?" I demand.
"Twilight said she was better at magic than me," Trixie announces.
"No I didn't! I said I'd help you!" Twilight retorts. "And then you pushed me!"
"I don't need help! I am Great and Powerful, I don't need your help to-"
"Enough!" I shout. "That's enough, you two! The both of you, get into the living room, right now!"
Twilight and Trixie hang their heads as they proceed into the living room. It's then that I check the time, and I see that it's 4:55.
"Fuck," I spit, before sprinting to collect all the kids. I snatch Fluttershy from outside, causing her to cry as a butterfly gets away. I don't have enough time to help her, though, as I only have five minutes to do this.
I run upstairs, and find that Rarity is re-beautifying the wall. I shout at her for not listening to me, causing her to cry, then frantically bring her downstairs, at which point I trip over Applejack. I fall on my back to protect Rarity, and wince as I realize that I have one minute left.
I get Vinyl and Pinkie, ignoring their pleads for the cookies that I force them to leave behind. Celestia, Luna, and Octavia walk in on their own, and I put them on the couch.
"But Daddy, we want to play!" Luna whines as I put her on the couch.
"I don't care," I hiss in response. "We've got something more important to do, Luna!"
She lets out a huff as she crosses her forelegs.
"Alright," I announce, hurrying to set up the Skype call. I sigh as I realize that I left Derpy, Applejack, and Big Mac. I get them, and sigh as I finally log onto Skype.
"All of you, be quiet," I hiss as a few of them start to cry from their lack of whatever it is that they want. "This is very important, alright?"
"Daddy, why are you being so mean?" Celestia asks with a frown.
"Celestia, I don't have time for this," I warn her. "We're going to talk to some of the world leaders, and we've got to do it now, alright?"
Celestia sighs, and I quickly hush the rest of the kids as I wait for the call.
Five fifteen rolls around, and a few of the kids have started to cry again. I tell them to shut up, rather rudely, before continuing, rapidly tapping my foot in irritation as the time passes.
"Daddy, I'm thirsty!"
I sigh. "You can drink when this is over, Pinkie Pie!"
"Daddy, I have to go potty!"
"I'll change your diaper in a minute, we've got to do this right now!"
"But Daddy, I have to pee!"
"This may well determine whether or not you will be able to go to school or not!" I shout, growing impatient as I wait for the call. "If I don't do this, you may never be able to go to school or even go out in public!" I start to mutter impatient grumblings under my breath, desperate for a call.
"Come on, come on," I mutter. This is taking too damn long - this could determine my kid's future!
I sigh as I decide to call Charles. After several moments, he picks up, and I ask him what's going on with the conference call.
"Can't do it today," he responds. "North Korea is threatening to launch nukes, so NATO is sort of doing stuff."
My eye twitches as I hear that. "What. Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
"Well, I tried to call you, but you didn't pick up, so I texted you. I had assumed that you'd read it, you know?"
I run my hand through my hair as I lean back on the couch with a sigh of exaggerated exasperation. The first thing I feel is regret for yelling at my kids like that, and the second thing I feel is determination to make things right...
"Charles, I've got to go," I sigh. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"
"Uh, yeah...hey, you okay?" Before he can continue, I hang up the phone, and toss it onto the table, forgetting that the television had effectively shattered the glass. It falls straight through, and I cringe as I hear the phone get impaled by a shard of glass.
Brilliant.
"Daddy, I went poopy..." Pinkie Pie mutters, her voice small and distant.
"Let's take care of that," I announce, picking her up as I kiss her on the crown of her head. I bring her into the changing room on the first floor, and once she's in a clean diaper, I put her on my bed upstairs, away from the dangerous shards of glass. Why I didn't do that before, I don't know.
"Who else needs a diaper change?" I ask. They all raise their hooves, except for Pinkie Pie, and my shoulders sag a bit.
"Alright," I announce. "One at a time."
I change each of them, and as I do, they all keep absolutely still, probably petrified that I'll be angry if they play with me. I sigh as I carry the last pony to my bedroom, and I sigh as I sit down with them.
"Are you guys okay?" I ask. "Did I scare you?"
"No...you just seemed to be really stressed out...so we kept quiet..." Celestia says, softly.
"Well, I was," I respond. "Thank you. You're all very sweet."
"And besides, you didn't scare me!" Rainbow Dash declares. "I'm too brave, remember?"
I smile at her, and poke her in the tummy. She giggles before retreating to stand next to Fluttershy. I sigh as I sit up, and look between them.
"So...are you tired?" I ask. They shake their heads.
"We're hungry," they reply.
"Duh," I mutter, slapping my hand to my forehead, and eliciting a few laughs from the ponies. I tell them to keep still before rushing down the stairs and preparing dinner. I bring it back up to them, watch them eat, and then bring them into their cradles for beddy-by.
Once they're asleep, I set about cleaning up the glass from the television and table, and the ceramic shards from the vase. I discard of them, and push the television outside to rest by the destroyed computer. I sigh as I return into my house, and let the silence envelop me.
No computer...
No television...
Looks like I've got some errands to run.
Fuck. My. Life.

Author's Notes:

Aphpouhsapiufbsrapifunaspif ending it here
This was written throughout the course of a full school day, so...yeah.
I hope you're happy.
Sluts.