I wake up to a rather loud bang.

Given the amount of bars in this decrepit neighborhood, I assume that it’s just another drunk driver smashing into a pole outside of my single-story house.

However, something deep within me tells me that this is...different.

I turn over, and flick on the lights in my bedroom.

Taking a moment to let my eyes adjust to the flood lights, I stare down at my simple sheets and blankets, observing the shadows that play out across them as the crevices and wrinkles are illuminated.

Finally, I felt confident enough to look up, and when I do, I wasn’t immediately blinded.

Huzzah, I groggily think to myself as I throw my legs over the edge of my small, rather uncomfortable bed.

Opening the drawers of my dresser, I look up to see that the time is 12:45.

Probably just a drunk driver, I think to myself again.

However, as I carry the underwear, undershirt, sweatpants, and socks over to my bed, I get the same feeling that this is something...

Different.

When I’m finally dressed, I cross my small bedroom to my door, and pull it open, rubbing the crust out of my eyes.

Taking a moment to pick up my house phone, should there be an injured driver outside, I open the front door with an obnoxiously loud click.

I wince as the cold morning air stings my senses. Taking a deep breath of the crisp air, I look around to see that, oddly enough, there aren’t any crashed vehicles in sight.

“Well, that’s odd,” I mutter to no one in particular. Taking a look around, I immediately realize that there are at least ten boxes, all facing my house in a semi-circle.

Boxes? I groggily think to myself. Why would boxes make a bang...?

I frown. Is this a boxalypse? Like, a box apocalypse?

I shake my head, the early morning thoughts making no sense whatsoever.

Cautiously approaching the closest box, I have a sudden realization.

Oh, shit! What if they’re all bombs!?

I shake my head. Nah, these are too many bombs. Why would they all want to bomb me? I’m an unemployed twenty nine year old male, who weighs only a hundred and twelve pounds, and has the most boring name ever: Peter Mactylan. It’s not like I would ever fuck a terrorist up...Or be associated with a terrorist...

I stop walking, and blink in confusion. Wait, why would my name be important in that? Ah, screw it. Might as well take a look in the-

All my thoughts stop as I kneel down in front of the box, smiling incredulously at its contents.

Shivering in the morning crisp, is a small, cyan Pegasus, her rainbow mane and tail splayed out beneath her like a canvas.

I immediately stand and run back inside, passing the door to my bedroom, to go right to my closet, which is next to my small bedroom.

After tearing my grey, aeropastel hoody off of its hanger, (the latter of which just falls on the ground,) I rush back outside and immediately kneel by the small Pegasus.

Still smiling in incredulity, I approach Rainbow Dash, slowly, with my hoody in both of my hands. As soon as my warmth enters the box, the filly wakes up, and looks up at me, with all the innocence in the world shining in her small eyes.

I smile at the small pony, but she squirms in discomfort as I edge ever closer.

Finally, she presses herself against the edge of the box, fear evident in her eyes, and looks up into mine.

“Hi, there,” I coo to her, slowly wrapping the jacket around her, swaddling her in its warm folds. The cyan Pegasus visibly calms in the comfort, and smiles up at me, understanding slowly filling her eyes. Holding her like a baby, as she is a baby, I rock her back and forth, smiling as the Pegasus extends one of her exposed, tiny forelegs to me.

Still rocking Rainbow Dash back and forth, I stand, unable to believe my luck.

About two months ago, I had been depressed, and had taken to the bottle.

In fact, I had bought a handgun two weeks earlier, (but didn’t have it until the first day I started drinking, as it was unlicensed until then,) for protection. Where I live, someone would pull a revolver on you faster than a cell phone.

So, after a while of moping over my misfortune...Ah, yes, my misfortune. I have a degree in Biochemical Engineering, but...I can’t really find a job, and couldn’t find a job two months ago, either.

So, after living in my rundown house for about a year, constantly searching the web for a job, (and a better neighborhood,) I had almost given up, and started drinking like crazy. It wasn’t particularly difficult, seeing as how there are twenty bars within five blocks of me.

Thus the drunk drivers.

Anyway, with my handgun in...Well, hand, I was contemplating ending my own life.

When I got a text message from my only friend, urging me to watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

I remember deciding to just watch it, as I didn’t have long to live, given that I didn’t pussy out.

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic pulled me out of the bottle, and helped me realize that life isn’t so horrible.

Quite literally, it saved my life.

So, I started to fantasize about the ponies visiting me, or just falling to earth.

In all honesty, it was all I had to hang on to, as real life was just to...Dead, for me.

And now, I’m cradling Rainbow Dash in my arms, and her small, cyan hoof is poking me on the chin.

I do not exaggerate when I say that this is the happiest day of my life.

Looking around at the other boxes, I grow curious. Still cradling Rainbow Dash in my arms, gently rocking her back and forth, I take a look in the box closes to the one Rainbow Dash had been in.

I gape at the small, lavender unicorn sleeping within the box, and immediately bring Rainbow Dash inside, setting her down on my small bed.

“Be right back, Rainbow Dash,” I coo to the cyan Pegasus as I unwrap her from my hoody.

Reaching out for me, Rainbow Dash makes a small noise that breaks my heart. I smile at her, assuming that the cyan Pegasus can’t talk, and put my bed sheets around her, kissing her on the forehead as I rush out to pick up Twilight Sparkle.

In a similar manner, I pick up Twilight, ignoring her glowing horn as I cradle her in my arms. Smiling down at the adorable little unicorn, I turn on my heel, and rush back into my house, and I set Twilight down next to Rainbow Dash.

Two down, I think to myself as I step back outside, a lot more to go...

And then, it hits me, as I stand there, with all these cardboard boxes around me.

Each one of them contains a pony.

I experience two things: joy, and dread.

I get to be the father of all of these ponies!

I have to be the father...of all of these ponies...

I take a deep breath.

This is going to be some pretty hard work.

By 1:00, I’ve emptied all of the boxes, save two.

Now, on my bed, and in my dresser, rest twelve ponies.

Here’s the list, just for those of you who are curious:

The Mane 6 (Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash);

Big Macintosh;

Octavia;

Vinyl Scratch;

Lyra;

Derpy Hooves;

Trixie (the Great and Powerful? More like the Needy and Adorable!);

And two more, who still rest in their boxes.

I rush out, ready to deal with any pony.

However, the ponies I find...

I’m not exactly sure if I should put a bullet through my head, or jump with joy.

I decide to do neither. I mean, seriously, they’re both horrible ideas
.

I kneel, and carefully scoop up Luna, who doesn’t seem to mind me at all.

“Well, you’re a smart one, ain’tch’a?” I coo to her. She seems to immediately understand that I’m there to protect, and take care of, her.

After placing Luna in my sock drawer, with Trixie, Derpy, Lyra, Vinyl Scratch, and Octavia, I rush back out to get Celestia.

Celestia immediately warms up to me, smiling at me and hugging me with her free forelegs as I bring her back into my house.

As my door closes with yet another obnoxiously loud click, I swear I hear the small alicorn in my arms whisper an even smaller “thank you”.

I shake off the notion, and place Celestia in the same drawer as Luna, and softly close the door behind me.

I look around at all of the ponies, and then look up at my clock. It’s still only 1:05 at this point, so I decide that it’s time for everypony to go back to sleep. I'm about to just flop into bed and start snoring, when my moon-addled mind realizes that I would be killing several young ponies by doing that.

“Huh...This is awkward...” I mutter to myself.

And it is.

I have nowhere to sleep.

I look at my bed, where Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash are studying each other’s wings with undying curiosity, Pinkie Pie is rolling around, Applejack is watching Pinkie Pie with a mix of curiosity and horror, Rarity is pouting down at Pinkie Pie, and Twilight is keeping a careful eye on me. Lastly, Big Mac is laying down on his side, watching Pinkie Pie roll around as well.

In the sock drawer, Octavia, Vinyl Scratch, and Lyra are all watching Derpy Hooves toddle around, aimlessly and clumsily, their faces expressionless as they stare on in confusion.

Towards the front of the sock drawer, Celestia and Luna are watching me carefully, their eyes betraying their mounting curiosity.

Glaring at Twilight Sparkle is Trixie. So, even as an infant, she hates Twilight...

I can't wait until she becomes a teenager.

Sighing, I silently thank myself for making the bottom drawer into my sock drawer, as I doubt that the ponies will stay still, and I don't want them falling out...

Shaking my head, I suddenly realize the key problem in all of this: the ponies are all too spaced out. Yeah. Took me a while, didn't it?

So, I gingerly pick up each and every one of the ponies on my bed, and place them down in my sock drawer, careful not to hurt them.

With quite a lot of effort, I manage to push my bed closer to my dresser, which, unfortunately, startles the countless ponies.

Just as I finish moving my bed, one pony starts to sniff, which I know as the telltale signs of a cry. And who is that pony?

It's Fluttershy, as the loud noises had scared the timid little baby.

"Shh, don't cry, there's nothing to be afraid of, Fluttershy..." I coo to the yellow Pegasus as I pick her up, cradling her in my arms as I kiss her on the forehead. "There's nothing to be afraid of, Fluttershy..."

The yellow Pegasus sniffs, and smiles at me, making a noise that I guess means that she's happy.

And then, before I know it, Fluttershy has fallen asleep in my arms. I kiss her on the forehead, and place her back down in the sock drawer.

And, before I know it, almost all of the ponies are holding their hooves out to me, lonely and desperate for love. Even Celestia and Luna, who I had assumed would have retained their wise mental states. Then again, they've been turned into babies too, so, yeah.

So, I pick them up, one by one, and rock them slowly in my arms, until they fall asleep.

Each and every one of them.

The first I do is Rainbow Dash, as her tiny little wings were buzzing to life in her longing for affection from who she saw as her father.

Smiling in my arms, Rainbow Dash quickly falls asleep, and I place her back where she had been.

Then, Twilight's horn starts to glow, and I have a flash back of the episode, "The Baby Cakes," where Twilight dictated that unicorns have strange bursts of magic as babies. I immediately bend down, and pick her up, cradling her to sleep as well.

Next, Luna's horn starts to glow. I immediately pick her up, placing the sleeping Twilight back in her place.

However, as I slowly rock her, her horn continues to glow, and I follow her gaze to Celestia.

Picking up Celestia in my left arm, I cradle each of them together, the sisters smiling as they slowly fell asleep. I placed them back in the sock drawer as well.

And then, Pinkie Pie began to sniff. I knew that, if she started to cry, it would make a chain reaction, so I immediately pick her up, brightening her mood by the power of the sun. When she falls asleep in my arms, I pace her back as well.

And then Rarity, and Applejack, and Derpy Hooves, (whose hoof was adorably trapped in a sock,) and Octavia, (who refused to sleep unless she was rocked with Vinyl Scratch and Lyra at the same time,) and then Big Mac and Applejack, (who I knew would hate to be cradled separately,) and Rarity, and, finally, Trixie. Trixie...Trixie is an interesting one.

As soon as I pick up Trixie, she frowns at me. I frown back, except my frown is rather comical.

She smiled, but only by so much.

So, I keep her in my arms, and lean back on my bed.

I have to hold her for about a half an hour before she falls asleep.

Gulping, I return her to her spot in my sock drawer, stroking her white mane lovingly. After all, she is now my child, and I love them all. While I'd like to say it comes from the goodness of my heart, it's mostly because I'm so God damn lonely, and having pony children makes life much more bearable.

I make sure that they're all fully asleep, and when I'm totally sure that they are, I flip onto my stomach, ensuring that I can see them all throughout the night.