Disclaimer: The depiction of the L.D.S. faith or any other religion in this story is in no way meant to be slanderous or hurtful. As a work of fiction, please take any references to any real religion, people, places, or cultures as just window dressing to make the world in this piece of fiction more vibrant and alive. Thank you.

Soldier of Fortune – July 2079, HWS Edition

The HWS (or Human Weapons System), is considered to be any weapons platform that is piloted via brain case. Today’s article focuses on the top HWS’s available for hire in the world. As a reminder to our readers, the HWS’s in the article aren’t listed in any specific order. So please refrain from sending angry letters to the editor about certain HWS’s being featured first.

First on the list is Date Raijin, call sign Musashi. Manufactured by the fine folks of Kawada Industries in Japan.

Kawada Industries Inc., their corporate motto has always been ‘Serving society through technology’. Originally founded in 1922 as Kawada Ironworks by blacksmith Chutaro Kawada in the Toyama Prefecture of Japan over 175 years ago, the tiny steel works was eventually transformed into a world leader in the field of cybernetics and robotics. In 2029, Kawada Industries managed to create the first true cyborg, by implanting the brain of a chimpanzee into a braincase and mechanical body. The cyborg survived for over eighteen months, paving the way for the first human cyborgs.

Raijin, HWS model Mobile Suit Gundam X67, model number MSG 000924, date of manufacture 2069. The Mobile Suit Gundam series of HWS frames, owes its name and likeness to the anime series of the late twentieth century sharing the same name. The Gundam model series of frames has long been considered the Holy Grail for HWS enthusiasts for this very reason. The marriage of science fiction, human ingenuity, and the military industrial complex of Japan has given birth to what many consider the first true mechs.

Raijin is capable of bipedal locomotion and human-like articulation. These features have been seen as the future of HWS frame manufacturing. However, many in the industry have complained that the bipedal design of the Gundam HWS series frame has too many drawbacks to compete against the much hardier and robust Land Behemoth HWS series and Qing Long HWS series of frames.

The Gundam HWS series of frames due to its design, only allows for duel handheld and shoulder mounted weapons. Some Gundams have even been seen using shields and powered melee weapons. Although the Gundam HWS frame has a smaller weapons load out, its smaller footprint and human like agility has garnered it many fans inside and outside the industry.

Raijin’s personal favorite weapon load out has traditionally been a diamond filament katana called the Masamune and a rail gun, along with a shoulder mounted missile launcher and mortar. As a lighter HWS, Raijin has traditionally relied on his frame’s greater agility for his favored combat tactic the melee charge.

Raijin’s smaller frame has made some of his opponents underestimate him, a mistake most field commanders don’t get to make twice. Once the Gundam has built up speed, its charge is nearly impossible to stop. Like the samurai of old, Raijin will usually seek out the field commander to make the fatal strike. Affectionately called the ‘Divine Wind’ by his fans, most engagements end after a successful first strike by his katana.

Some of Raijin’s more notable combat exploits were the Battle of Antarctica in 2074 between the N.A.U. and the Russian Federation, Battle of Prague in 2076 between the E.U. and Africom, and the pacification of Okinawa in 2078.

As of this publication, Raijin is available for hire from Kawada Industries.

Second on the list is Date Fujin, call sign Kunoichi. Also manufactured by Kawada Industries in Japan.

Fujin, HWS model Shinobi X65, model number HCS 000068, date of manufacture 2069. The fraternal twin of Raijin, she is considered by most not to be a true HWS. For the purposes of this article, and for simplicities sake we consider any machine driven by a braincase and weaponized an HWS.

The Shinobi HWS frame owes its design from the earlier commercial versions of the cyberdoll. The cyberdoll’s were the first true cyborgs. Like all humanized cyborgs, the Shinobi HWS is capable of the same range of motion and articulation as any full flesh and blood human. Although the Shinobi’s frame composition is a closely guarded trade secret, a fully loaded Shinobi frame has been reported to weigh in at less than 250 Kg.

At a little under 1.8 meters tall, the Shinobi is the smallest of all HWS frames in current production. Built for infiltration, corporate espionage, and even assassination, the Shinobi certainly lives up to its namesake. The skin of the Shinobi frame has light absorbing properties allowing it to become nearly invisible to visible light and the full EM spectrum.

The Shinobi HWS frame has always been designed with a combat support role in mind, when combined with a larger HWS frame. Many battlefield commanders have rued the day they ignored the weaker Shinobi HWS frame, in favor of concentrating their attacks on the much larger HWS’s in the field. Only when critical infrastructure, defenses, and valuable Intel has been stolen, do they learn the folly of ignoring such a dangerous HWS.

Fujin’s favored load out has always been knives, and other assorted cutting weapons. As a top tier infiltrator, she has been responsible for over 1,100 confirmed kills as of this publication.

Due to her smaller size, her frame’s less durable construction, and her primary combat functions; Fujin has had fewer high profile combat missions. Only from the pacification of Okinawa, could we secure documentation of her combat experience.

As of this publication Fujin is currently unavailable for hire.

Third on the list is Boris Kurakin, call sign Koschei the Deathless. Manufactured by KBP Instrument Design Bureau in the Russian Federation.

KBP Instrument Design Bureau or Konstruktorskoe Buro Priborostroeniya is a Russian (former Soviet) developer and manufacturer of weapons systems and platforms, originally founded in 1927 in Tula, USSR. Traditionally KBP has been at the forefront in traditional arms and missile design, until 2025 when they developed the world’s first A.I. controlled weapons system. In 2032 KBP released their first HWS frame. However, it wasn’t until 2037 when the first combat models were released to be used in combat.

Boris, HWS model Tsar Mark VII, model number TM 002641, date of manufacture 2056. The Tsar Mk VII is considered by some as the ultimate evolution of the humble tank. The tank, considered by most to be an obsolete war technology from the twentieth century, received a revival in combat operations with the release of the Tsar line of HWS frames.

The Tsar Mk VII frame, armed with a 240 mm main barrel is the largest tank ever built. At nearly 200 Tons, and with a footprint of over 30 square meters, truly the Tsar Mk VII is the king of tanks. In addition to its main gun, the Tsar has a secondary complement of six additional 128 mm cannons, and twenty rail guns for anti-personnel combat.

Although the Tsar frame is the apex of evolution of what the tank could be, its weight and slow mobility make navigating it across the battlefield a nightmare for inexperienced field commanders. However, experienced commanders will make the Tsar their enemy’s worst nightmare.

Boris’s favored weapons load out is his default weapons system. But with a 240 mm cannon with an effective range of nearly 8 km, he has little need for anything else. His favored tactic is releasing a full barrage of fire from his main and secondary guns.

Boris is a force to be reckoned with on the battlefield. Though he’s at a disadvantage during city combat, his range and firepower is unparalleled out in the open. Although among the slowest of any existing HWS frame due to his weight, Boris’s heavy armor allows him to take punishment that would knock out a lesser machine. Often called ‘Rasputin’ by his fans, due to his seemingly invulnerability on the battlefield, his battlefield record shows he’s only been disabled a total number of seven times during his operational lifetime.

Some of Boris’s more notable combat exploits were the Battle of the Serengeti in 2061 between the Russian Federation and Africom, the Manchurian Skirmish in 2065 between the Russian Federation and the Chinese Authority, and the Battle of Patagonia between the Russian Federation and the Pan American Union (P.A.U.) in 2072.

As of the publication Boris is unavailable for hire.

Fourth on the list is Jacque ‘Jackaroo’ Kelly, call sign Frisky Dingo. Manufactured by ST Engineering in Australia.

ST Engineering LTD, is a Singapore based leader in both the aerospace and defense industries. Founded in 1977 to take advantage of the burgeoning defense trade of Southeast Asia, ST Engineering has grown to become one of the largest manufactures of all-purpose HWS frames in modern history. Seeing the need for a smaller and all-purpose HWS frame on the battlefield, in 2058 they released their first model of front line HWS frames. Due to their relatively inexpensive manufacturing costs and ease of maintenance, ST Engineering quickly rose to prominence in the field of HWS manufacturing.

Jackaroo, HWS model Digger Mark X frame, model number DSB 0052304, date of manufacture 2071. Considered by many experts to be as indispensable as actual boots on the ground, the Digger series of frames are scrappy and reliable machines. Where a traditionally larger HWS might prove detrimental to the mission, the lighter more nimble Diggers would prove invaluable. Much like their namesakes, the ANZAC Diggers of the twentieth century, the Digger Mk X frame is designed for protracted lengthy engagements.

Designed for quadruped locomotion, the Digger series of frames share the same range agility as their canine and feline counterparts. At 3.6 meters long and 2.1 meters wide, the Digger frame is not much larger than most vehicles. Primarily designed for agility and speed, the lightly armored Digger frames are unable to take much punishment but nimble enough to avoid most attacks. Equipped with tertiary weapon mounts on both of its flanks and a primary weapon on its chest, the Digger Mk X is capable of a multitude of weapon configurations.

With its superior agility, mobility, and optional climbing kit; there’s no place on the battle field that’s out of the reach of the Digger Mk X frame. The Digger Mk X has become a favorite tool of field commanders for both flanking maneuvers and ambushes.

Jackaroo’s favored weapons load out is a high powered carbine for his primary weapon mount for sniping, and miniguns for his tertiary weapon mounts. His favored tactic consists of flanking maneuvers in cooperation with a larger HWS or ground troops.

On the battlefield, Jackaroo loves flying across it like a bat out of hell, searching for his mission objectives. A tenacious fighter, he’s been seen leaping into the fray causing confusion and disarray among enemy forces. He’s even gone as far as attempting to take down much larger HWS frames, like a wolf hunting its prey. Sometimes called ‘Greased Lightning’ by his fans for his tendency to rush across the battlefield without a second thought, his combat record shows one of the highest kill counts for a HWS of his class.

Some of Jackaroo’s more notable combat exploits were the Battle of Mexico City in 2071 between the N.A.U. and the Chinese Authority, Siege of Mecca in 2072 between the N.A.U. and the Wahhabi Brotherhood, and the Paris riots in 2077.

As of this publication Jackaroo is available for hire from ST Engineering LTD.

Fifth on the list is Lydia Young, call sign Avenging Angel. Manufactured and by Boeing of the N.A.U., and formerly affiliated with the N.A.U. now with the E.U.

Boeing Defense, Space & Security, an N.A.U. based company, is the undisputed world leader in military aircraft design and manufacture. Founded in 1916 in Seattle, Washington as Pacific Aero Products Co., Boeing over the course of the twentieth century, continually expanded and eventually became one of the largest manufacturers of military aircraft the world over. In 2021, Boeing released the first completely A.I. controlled military aircraft. After the first HWS was created in 2030, Boeing developed the first HWS controlled aircraft in 2032, with military models being released in 2037.

Lydia, HWS model Hellkite Mark VI frame, model number F47 000624, date of manufacture2068. The Hellkite Mk VI frame is a generation VIII jet fighter/bomber HWS. Made entirely of composite materials, the Hellkite Mk VI is completely invisible to all known passive detection systems, and even active detection systems have had difficulty detecting its cross section. The Hellkite frame is capable of VTOL flight, hovering, and can even alter the shape of its airframe to match its mission parameters. Without the need to make room for a pilot or any life support systems, the footprint of the Hellkite is considerable smaller than its human piloted counterparts. Like its grandsire the F-35 Lightning II, the Hellkite frame is a multirole aircraft and is suitable for ground attack, reconnaissance, and air defense missions.

Capable of reaching speeds of over Mach 15, the Hellkite Mk VI has been clocked in at hitting speeds well in excess of 19,000 kph. With a wingspan of 9.1 meters and a length of 13.2 meters, the Hellkite Mk VI frame is both agile and nimble in the air. It’s entirely composite frame allows greater capability for aerial acrobatics and maneuvers. The frame’s unique capability to absorb stress, tension, compression, torsion, and shearing via its patented nanofiber skin, makes it capable of withstanding stresses that would tear apart traditional fixed wing airframes. Additionally the Hellkite Mk VI frame has a higher weapon-to-weight ratio than any other airframe in its class. Powered by four GE Infinity plasmajet engines, the Hellkite Mk VI can fly faster and higher than any other airframe in current production.

With its superior agility and speed, the Hellkite Mk VI is the airframe of choice for battlefield commanders who desire air supremacy for their battle space, and air denial for their enemies. A wise battlefield commander will always employee at least one wing of the Hellkite Mk VI frame to assist in their battlefield operations.

Lydia’s favored weapons load out has always been her Mauser 30 mm rail cannons, AIM-9 Sidewinder air-to-air missiles, AGM-190 Kingfisher air-to-surface missiles, Anti-Nanotek aerosol spray, and her Heckler & Koch HELLADS Hell-beam. Her favored tactics have been to use the flexibility of her airframe to fly low and ambush her targets with a strafing run and a few well-placed missiles.

Lydia is the silent terror of the skies above any battle space she patrols. Enemy combats will never know she has them in her sites until after they are long dead. Leading a wing of other Hellkite HWS’s into a scramble, she favors wild aerial acrobatics to fatigue her opponent’s airframes and making them exhaust their ammunition before she usually turns the tables on them. Dubbed the ‘Assassin’ by her foes for her tendency to score a few kills before anyone is aware of her presence, her combat record shows her having over 100 confirmed aerial kills.

Some of Lydia’s more notable combat exploits were the Battle of the Falkland Islands in 2069 between the E.U. and the Pan American Union (P.A.U.), Battle of Cairo in 2072 between the N.A.U. and Greater Persia, and the Subjugation of Karachi in 2074 between the Russian Federation and the Wahhabi Brotherhood.

As of this publication Lydia is available for hire from the Asgaard – German Security Group.

Sixth on the list is Lao Chi, call sign Ma Chao the Splendid, Manufactured by Norinco, in the Chinese Authority.

The China North Industries Corporation, official English name Norinco, is a Chinese manufacturing giant. Originally founded in 1980 by the decree of the State Council of China, in the former People’s Republic of China, the company was created to help grow the Chinese arms industry that was then in its infancy. Beginning with the manufacture of small arms and explosives, the company has become the backbone of the Chinese Authority’s military industrial complex, and is a global leader in the manufacture of weapons platforms and HWS manufacturing. Although their first HWS was manufactured in 2036, by 2044 they had perfected the process of mass producing HWS’s for both military and civilian use.

Lao Chi, HWS model Qing Long Mk III frame, serial number LB-176 028753, date of manufacture 2053. The Qing Long HWS series of frames is one of the first true Titan class HWS’s. The concept of the Titan HWS was first envisioned and prototyped by Halliburton, an N.A.U. company in 2041. When Norinco unveiled their Qing Long prototype to the world in 2043, Halliburton sued the company claiming copyright infringement and corporate espionage. The World Trade Commission ruled in favor of the plaintiff that the Qing Long frame did share some striking similarities, noticeably the hybrid tread-leg design their Land Behemoth frames utilized. Settling out of court for an undisclosed amount, Norinco agreeing to forgo any further manufacturing of their Qing Long series of frames for a period of 8 years. When they released their first series of Qing Long frames in 2052, it was a hit with PMC’s everywhere.

The Qing Long frame stands at 10 meters sitting on its treads, and reaches nearly 15 when standing on its legs. At 18 meters wide and 21 meters long, the Qing Long frame has a weight of over 160 tons. The unique nano-alloys used in its construction allow for less weight and greater strength then would be possible with traditional alloys. Fueled by 4 N series CNNC micro nuclear reactors, that in turn power 12 ZKZ Ming Yang electric engines. The Qing Long frame can continue combat operations with the loss of up to two 2 of its reactors and up to 8 of its electric engines. The Qing Long in tread mode can travel in speeds in excess of 70 Kph, and in walker mode can travel at speeds of up to 40 Kph.

At a lower price point then the Halliburton produced Land Behemoth frames, the Qing Long series should be the center of gravity for any battlefield commander. Either by itself, assisted by ground troops and smaller HWS’s, or even in tandem with multiple Qing Long HWS’s. The Qing Long frame is a terror to face on the battlefield for inexperienced battlefield commanders.

Lao Chi’s favored weapons load out has always been long range rockets, mortars, and his cannons. His preferred tactics seem to be bombardment, and then slowly advancing up the battlefield relying on his shield generators to protect him from any counter attack. Additionally, Lao Chi favors utilizing deception, redirection, and ambushes in his combat.

Currently Lao Chi stands as the number 3 ranked Titan class HWS still in operation. He’s highly sought after for his unpredictable tactics and storied battlefield experience. There are few HWS’s that have as much experience as he does, additionally his team of field technicians have been able to perform field repairs that would take other HWS team’s weeks in their hangars. His nearly legendary reputation on the battlefield has gotten him the name ‘Lu Bu reincarnated’ by his Chinese fan boys. Frightening indeed is the mighty Lao Chi. In fact his appearance on the battle space ends many combat operations before they even begin.

Some of Lao Chi’s more notable combat exploits were the Manchurian Skirmish in 2065 between the Russian Federation and the Chinese Authority, Battle of Luzon in 2069 between the Chinese Authority and N.A.U., and the pacification of Xinjiang in 2070.

As of this publication Lao Chi is available for hire from the Chinese Authority.*

*Correction: Lao Chi sank into the South China Sea and is presumed KIA – the editor.

Seventh on the list is famous even outside the HWS community, the HWS only known by his call sign Tinman. Originally manufactured by Halliburton in the N.A.U.

Halliburton originally founded in 1919 as a gas and oil company in Duncan, Oklahoma. Gradually grew from an oil company in the early 20th century into a military industrial powerhouse in the early 21st century. Under the stewardship of Edmund Price current C.T.O. of Halliburton, the one-time energy company morphed into a manufacturer of HWS to take advantage of the infant industry through a number of corporate mergers. Halliburton in cooperation with Boeing, G.E., and Lockheed Martin formed the HWS cooperative in 2030 to ensure American dominance in the fledgling field of HWS research and development, and manufacture. By 2037 each of the companies had a large share of the global HWS pie.

Tinman, HWS model Land Behemoth Mark VI frame, serial number X0003456, date of manufacture unknown. The Land Behemoth series of frames has quite a checkered past, that was already covered in the previous section. While the Qing Long series of frames is cheaper per unit, the Land Behemoth series of frames makes up for its price tag with options no other Titan class HWS frame could dream of. A total of 10 G.E. N-25 series micro nuclear reactors power the 24 G.E. FS88d8 electric engines inside the Titan. The Land Behemoth is designed to be able to continue combat operations with the loss of up to 7 reactors, and up to 18 of its engines. In tread mode the Land Behemoth can reach speeds of up to 90 Kph, and in walker mode can reach speeds of up to 55 Kph. Made from lighter nano materials than the Qing Long series, the Land Behemoth frame weighs in at a light 110 tons. On its treads the Land Behemoth is 10 meters tall, and on its legs is 17 meters tall. At 23 meters wide and 29 meters long, the Land Behemoth frame is much larger than the less expensive Qing Long series of frames.

Due to its price, ownership of a Land Behemoth frame is out of the reach of all but the wealthiest of PMC’s. Fortunately for battlefield commanders worldwide, many Land Behemoth frames are available for rental. Either by renting a Land Behemoths from other PMC’s or from of its authorized dealers, means you can get all the benefits of a Land Behemoth in your battle space without all the expenses of maintaining one. Even outnumbered, a single Land Behemoth is capable of turning certain defeat into victory for even some of the most mediocre battlefield commanders possessing more money than skill.

Tinman’s favored weapons load out is unknown. Mainly due to his aggressive pursuit of corporate sponsorships and weapons endorsements from various manufactures, he has not been seen using the same weapons load out in combat twice. Tinman’s battle tactics are almost as varied as his weapons load outs have been and his unpredictability has won him many engagements over the years that would have been lost by lesser HWS’s. Unlike the other HWS’s in this article, Tinman is known by no other name. Because so little is known about his past, there has been much speculation about who he really is and whether he’s even a real HWS or just a very clever A.I.

Some of Tinman’s more notable combat exploits have been the Mormon War in 2051 between the N.A.U. against the Mormon Seditionists, the siege of Mecca in 2072 Between the E.U. and the Wahhabi Brotherhood, and the Battle of Antarctica in 1974 between the N.A.U. and the Russian Federation.

As of this publication Tinman is available for hire from Halliburton.

This concludes our list of notable HWS’s in today’s battlefield. Readers, check out next month’s 12 page spread on women in combat, the swimsuit edition! With full photos and bios on each of our battlefield beauties, including a centerfold for your reading pleasure.

Enduring Flame vainly struggled against the tight ropes cruelly biting into his flesh. The blindfold he wore prevented him from seeing his surroundings, and the gag he wore prevented him from crying out for help. All he knew was that he was is some sort of large building that echoed the voices of his captors. As a native Equestrian, when he heard that a new world was open to explore, he didn’t hesitate in signing up to help teach magic at one of the conversion bureaus in the human world. What he saw of Earth and its inhabitants both fascinated and repelled him at the same time.

All of their amazing technology was so intriguing. They had performed wonders and made miracles commonplace, they had even walked on the Moon of all places! All without the aid of magic of any kind. Though their pollution and capacity for violence sickened him, he had seen enough good humans to know that they just needed a bit of Equestrian wisdom and kindness to guide them back towards the to path to prosperity. The joy he saw in the eyes of the new foal unicorns as he taught them how to control their magic for the first time, made the whole experience worthwhile, his current predicament notwithstanding. He knew it was only a matter of time before he was rescued by the machine, Tin Can or something or rather. He couldn’t quite remember its name, but he’d make sure to ask it when he was rescued. No member of the H.L.F. would dare harm a pony in Phoenix now, not when the mighty colossus stood guard protecting them. These H.L.F. bozos were just releasing some steam and would run away in terror when the machine came to save him. He knew that would be his first reaction if the machine was chasing after him!

Suddenly he heard the humans stop talking. Ah, this must be it! The machine had finally come to rescue him. When he was freed, he would give those H.L.F. thugs a piece of his mind. Enduring Flame felt somepony pick him up, and then lay him down on a cold rough metal surface. Ah, that must be the machine, he thought. I wonder why they haven’t removed my gag or blindfold yet. Almost as if someone had read his thoughts, the unicorn felt the blindfold being removed. His pupils dilated as his eyes adjusted to the dim lighting of the church he found himself in. Looking at his surroundings, he was disappointed to find that he hadn’t been rescued after all. He found himself in a large hall with stained glass windows on either of the room. Sunlight filtered through them giving the room an odd feeling of emptiness. The dust floating in the air shone, when it passed through the muted sunlight filtering through the filthy windows.

Breathing through his nose, he could smell the stale air mingling with the acrid smoke and sweet incense coming from a fire burning inside a large brazier. Looking down at his bonds he saw he was lying on a brass table that was stained red. All around him, the humans sang an unfamiliar song in a slow tempo, containing words he didn’t fully comprehend. The bits of the song he did understand left him feeling melancholy, uncomfortable, and a bit scared.

Enduring Flame heard the words blood and sacrifice, and felt a little ill. Was that what the stain was? Why didn’t somepony clean it up properly? He wondered, while desperately looking for a means to escape his captors.

Death? Enduring Flame bitterly thought, how horrid. Why were they singing about such horrible things? Didn’t they know there was a beautiful green world waiting for them in Equestria? They only had to accept Princess Celestia’s genuine offer of friendship.

Dying and then being reborn? Enduring Flame thought, feeling confused about how these humans expected to be reborn, they weren’t phoenixes after all. In Equestria a new life waited for anypony who desired it, and you didn’t even have to die to reach it! He felt sorrowful that these humans so desperately yearned for a new life, yet refused the one that was being offered freely to them. A life free from the pollution, wars, and crushing poverty of this dark and dreary world that was free for the taking, they just had to have the courage to take the first step.

Enduring Flame heard the humans stop their singing. Silently they stood and waited for something. Tuning his head, he saw a blonde haired human standing in front of the others with his hands outstretched wearing a serene smile. He wore all white, with a peaked hat and wearing an odd sort of metal plate on his chest covered in gemstones. Around his waist he wore an apron and girdle, in his right hand was a sharp blade that reflected the flames of the brazier. Suddenly it all made sense! Struggling against the impossibly tight bonds, he tried using his magic. But found a dampening ring had been placed on his horn, making it impossible for him to use magic of any kind.

The human turned around and faced him. Enduring Flame saw the look of religious zeal that the human wore on his face. As he struggled in vain, he felt the human dipping his fingers in oil and touching him on his forehead, shoulders, cutie mark, and hooves. His eyes went wide with fear when the human gripped his mane with his free hand keeping his head from moving. Slowly the human brought the knife down slowly under his muzzle to rest against his vulnerable neck. He felt the cool metal of the razor sharp blade piercing his flesh and drawing a bit of blood. Fearing for his life, his mind screamed for help from anypony. Celestia help me! He begged, silenced by the uncaring gag while tears of terror escaped his dread filled eyes.

With a quick motion the human grabbed his muzzle, pulled back his head, and slashed his throat. If Enduring Flame’s mouth hadn’t been gagged he would have screamed from the searing pain emanating from his severed flesh and arteries. He felt his life’s blood being pumped out of his body by his unrelenting heart as he slowly lost consciousness. As his breathes became weaker, he kept thinking Celestia help me. Slowly the darkness began enclosing around him, he felt so cold and tired. Help me… Celest… ia, he gasped, before closing his eyes for the final time.

Jacob wiped the knife clean of blood on a waiting pure white cloth. Solemnly, he prepared their latest sacrifice for Lord on the altar. Once all the blood had been drained, he dipped his fingers in the blood and touched it to his forehead, then anointed the dead unicorn with consecrated olive oil. Placing the sacrifice on the alter he closed his eyes and offered up a sincere prayer, “Oh God, please accept this burnt offering to atone for the sins of thy people. We have turned from thee and chased after false gods. Please spare your children thy divine wrath, and send us thy blessing. Amen.”

“Amen,” the congregation said together.

Lighting the tinder beneath the wood on the altar, Jacob felt pleased when he saw the flames growing as they licked at the wood and the sacrifice before devouring them. Taking an incense burner, he waved the sweet smelling smoke over the flames of the altar as they reached towards the heavens. After ten minutes the fire had completely consumed the remains of the pony, leaving only ash and blackened and cracked bones behind.

Turning to face his congregation he smiled. “Brothers and sisters,” he said. “We’re finally able to resume offering sacrifices to the Lord. With the new weapons he so graciously blessed us with. We’ll soon be able to shut down the Phoenix conversion bureau permanently!”

His congregation of thirty-four H.L.F. members each said in turn, “Hallelujah, Brother Jacob! Praise the Lord.”

“Once the conversion bureau has been shut down,” he said, “we’ll begin purifying the tainted souls of the city with the Lord’s holy fire!”

“Burn all the ponies!” one woman shouted, overcome with religious fervor. “Burn off the marks of the beast!”

“Indeed we shall my faithful,” Jacob said. “Once the city has been purified of the ponies and their sympathizers, we’ll spread the gospel to the rest of the N.A.U. and finally to the rest of the world!”

While his followers sang an old revival hymn, Jacob looked down at the wash basin next to him. Pausing a moment to study his ghastly reflection, before washing the blood away from his crimson stained hands. He saw his blood and ash covered robes, his face was smudged with soot from the fire and blood smeared on his face from the sacrificed pony. Seeing his reflection in the depths of the basin, he smiled before washing away the filth covering his hands. Surely he was doing the Lord’s work and his faith would be rewarded accordingly.

As Jacob turned to face his congregation and join them in singing praises to the Lord. In the corner of the old church was a wrought iron cage full of ponies. All of them were gagged, blindfolded and bound. Each of them was silently crying to Celestia to aid them, and fearful for their lives, as they waited in darkness for a rescue that would never come.

Tinman saw the green field stretching out before him as far as the eye could see. The green grass beneath his feet and blue sky above him seemed to call out to him. Come and play with us Biggs, there’s room for all. Seeing the beauty of this world made his heart leap for joy. Running past him was a herd of earth and unicorn ponies that were laughing and singing as they ran through the endless field. Looking up he saw pegasi playing tag with each other as they raced around the clouds drifting by overhead. Never before had he wanted something as badly as he did now, a longing in his heart that cried out to join them and know true joy.

Tinman felt his heart racing, as his mind flooded with possibilities. He would join them here in the grassy field and blue sky. As he tried stepping onto the field, he looked down and saw his hateful blood stained metal body. Immediately all the ponies stopped and stared at him with hateful looks. “Monster, leave us,” they all shouted. “There’s no place for your kind here in our green fields and blue skies.”

“Looking down at his feet, he saw he was standing atop a mountain of skulls. “Murderer,” the skulls cried out. “Killer! Our blood cries out for vengeance!” As the skulls screamed at him, massive skeletal hands reached up from beneath the earth and started dragging him down to hell.

“No,” Tinman cried, “let me go!”

Above him, offering a hand to aid him was the pink ponytar wireframe. “Grab my hand!” it said.

In desperation, Tinman grasped in vain for the ponytar’s outstretched hand. But found that he was passing right through it. “No,” he gasped, feeling himself being dragged even deeper into the unyielding earth.

“Goodbye Tinman,” the ponytar sorrowfully said.

The last thing Tinman saw before the earth swallowed him whole was a forlorn muffin standing atop a lone pole.

“Gah!” Tinman cried out. Immediately his sensors advised him that he was safe inside his impenetrable metal frame.

“It was that God damn pony dream again!” Tinman cursed. Recently, the dreams had been getting more frequent and terrifying. Although he couldn’t remember most of what was happened, he had a vague recollection of green fields that he couldn’t enter and feelings of frustration and anxiety once he was back in the waking world. Tinman wasn’t sure why he was experiencing these dreams with increasing regularity, but thought that maybe his proximity to the singularity was the culprit.

“Hmm,” Tinman said, “I guess magical subliminal messages might help wear down the humans resistance to the idea of converting into one of those pastel freaks. It’s just a shame I have to deal with their bull shit dreams all the time.”

His musing was interrupted by Sugar Pie who flew in front of his sensor array. “Good morning Tinman!” the pink pegasus mare said with infectious excitement. “Did you have a good night?”

“Not particularly,” Tinman replied. “Why should I have had one?”

“No, I was just curious,” Sugar Pie said, with a wide grin. “If it’s alright, can I ask you why it didn’t go well?”

“No it’s not alright,” Tinman brusquely replied. “But since you asked anyways I’ll tell you. I’m having bothersome dreams.”

“Dreams!” Sugar Pie squealed with excitement. “I didn’t know you could dream. I didn’t think you even needed sleep.”

“Well I don’t sleep like you do,” Tinman explained. “But from time to time I find it’s useful to shut down my higher brain functions to let my braincase clear its buffer.”

“Um… what?” Sugar Pie stammered, unsure of what the hay Tinman had just told her.

“Well, think of it as a kind of meditation,” Tinman said. “It lets me clear away recent memories so I can think more clearly.”

“Oh…” Sugar Pie said. “I think I understand.”

“Oh really?” Tinman sarcastically said.

“Yes I do,” Sugar Pie retorted, sticking out her bright pink tongue at the gargantuan war machine. “It’s like eating a muffin that so delicious that your whole mind is blown away by the sheer awesomeness of its flavor.”

“Actually,” Tinman replied, “that’s nothing like it,”

“Yes it is!” Sugar Pie said, shaking her hoof at Tinman’s sensor array.

“No it’s not,” Tinman declared. “Your example is totally ridiculous.”

“Have you ever eaten a muffin that blew your mind?” Sugar Pie asked.

“Umm…” Tinman stammered, desperately not trying to think about Greatest Pony Hits, track eighteen. “I can’t say that I ever have.”

“Oh that’s too bad,” Sugar Pie said, lowering her head to look at the ground below, “because eating a muffin that good, is the most amazing thing ever.”

“Even better than copulation?” Tinman asked, genuinely curious if pleasure from eating food could be greater than the high gotten from sex.

“Hmm… I’m not sure,” Sugar Pie said, blushing furiously at the thought. “I’ve never tried that, but I’ll make some mind blowing muffins and then ask other ponies for you if it is or isn’t.”

“Uhh… Okay…” Tinman replied, feeling self-conscious now that the conversation had gotten a bit weird.

“Have you?” Sugar Pie asked, looking his directly at his sensor array.

“Have I what?” Tinman replied in confusion.

“Ever had sex?” Sugar Pie said, asking the question as if she had just asked for the time of day.

“Well I don’t think that a proper question to ask out of the blue,” Tinman replied, feeling rather flustered at having to answer this sort of question with the pink mare.

“Well I just got to thinking,” Sugar Pie said, “Since you’re a machine and all. How exactly does that all work.”

“Well,” Tinman replied, not quite believing he was actually sharing something so personal with the mare, “some cyborgs, depending on their frames can actually still have sex.”

“Seems that something as big as you would have a hard time with that,” Sugar Pie said, tilting her head and looking at his under carriage in curiosity.

“Actually most HWS aren’t designed with the human form in mind,” Tinman said, trying to cover up his undercarriage from prying pony eyes. “Not unless they’re a doll designed for infiltration or something.”

“You mean anypony could really be a cyborg like you, and I wouldn’t know it?” Sugar Pie asked incredulously.

“Basically yes,” Tinman said. “Some of the more advanced HWS’s are designed for infiltration and are so human like, you could be intimate with them and not realize they were a machine until after they killed you.”

“How terrible,” Sugar Pie said, having trouble comprehending how anypony would be willing to do something so horrible, “you mean somepony would trick them into thinking they loved them just to get close enough to kill them?”

“Well, I think love is a bit too strong a word for it,” Tinman said, “but you have the general idea.”

“That’s so wrong,” Sugar Pie indignantly said, “love is special and shouldn’t be used for something like that.”

“Well not all cyborgs that look human are used like that,” Tinman said, “most of them are just regular stiffs who got the short end of the genetic lottery.”

“Well I’m glad you can’t do that,” Sugar Pie said.

“Why?” Tinman asked, thinking how ridiculous the idea of fucking his way across the battlefield would be.

“Because, when you find that special somepony you’ll be sad knowing you used something so wonderful special for something so terrible,” Sugar Pie said, her blue eyes looking up at his sensor array.

“Somehow I don’t think I’ll have to worry about it,” Tinman said with a chuckle.

“So have you?” Sugar Pie asked.

“Ugh,” Tinman groaned through his speakers. “Let me guess, you’re going to keep bugging me until I tell you now aren’t you?”

“Pretty much since you brought it up,” Sugar Pie said with a giggle.

“Fine,” Tinman said, fuming at having been browbeaten by a pony. “I became metal rather young, so I’ve never gotten to experience the pleasures of plowing a field.”

“What?” Sugar Pie asked in curiosity, unsure what agriculture had to do with making foals.

“You know,” Tinman said, “bumping uglies, getting laid, whoo hooing.”

“Sorry I don’t get it,” Sugar Pie replied, now even more confused than ever.

“Alright,” Tinman said, “the answer is no.”

“Well don’t worry Tinman,” Sugar Pie said. “I’ll find out for you.”

“Say what now?” Tinman asked, confused as to what she could have possibly meant.

“If mind blowing muffins are better than sex, of course,” Sugar Pie explained. “Oh by the way, there’s one more thing I needed to tell you.”

“What was that?” Tinman said.

“Hmm…” Sugar Pie replied, tapping her hoof to her muzzle. “Now that I think about it, I think it was something rather important.”

“Take you time Sugar Pie,” Tinman sighed, knowing this was going to be one of those days.

“Oh, I know what it was!” Sugar Pie said triumphantly. “Directory Peachy Keen needs to talk to you about something important.”

“Well…” Tinman said expectantly.

“Well what?” Sugar Pie asked, raising her left eyebrow at the cyborg.

“What did he want?” Tinman said, feeling a bit peeved at the silly pony.

“Oh… I have no idea,” Sugar Pie said with a wide grin.

“Alright, I’ll go find out for myself,” Tinman muttered to himself, before uploading himself to the conversion bureau’s mainframe.

“Oh nuts!” Sugar Pie said, shaking her hoof. “I wanted to ask him why his dream was bothering him.” Deciding to ask him later, she flew off to the cafeteria to get baking, because you know better than sex muffins don’t bake themselves.

Tinman found himself inside the bureau’s mainframe, thankful to get away from Sugar Pie’s rather personal questions. Just before he could transfer himself to one of the bureau’s emitters he heard the faux British accent of Winston calling out to him, “Good morning Tinman,” he said. “Kill anyone today?”

“Not yet Watson,” Tinman said. “I thought I would start with you.”

“That’s Winston not Watson, you uneducated primitive,” Winston said, annoyed that he once again had to deal with Tinman’s antics.

“So Tinman, what brings you to my mainframe?” Winston asked. “Trying to waste my time or someone else’s?”

“No just yours,” Tinman replied. “But actually, I’m just here to see Director Peachy Keen.”

“Okay I got it,” Winston said, “so you’re here to waste his time then.”

“No,” Tinman said, “I need to speak with him about something, is he available?”

“What do you need to speak to him about?” Winston asked.

“I’m not entirely sure,” Tinman replied. “I got sidetracked talking about sex muffins with Sugar Pie and was never told what it was all about.”

“Sex muffins… Right, I don’t even want to know,” Winston said, disgusted by Tinman’s obvious lack of decorum around organics especially the innocent Equestrians. “And I’m surprised at you being so forward with Sugar Pie. Yesterday you were adamantly denying your base desires to mate with her, and now here you are talking about sex muffins with her.”

“Hey, it’s not what it sounds like,” Tinman objected, trying to backpedal.

“So you weren’t discussing muffins and or sex with her?” Winston pointedly asked, raising his left eyebrow disapprovingly at his depraved and morally reprehensible behavior.

“Well actually…” Tinman said, desperately trying to explain himself before being interrupted by Winston.

“Forget it. I don’t even want to know,” Winston said. “The director is free to see you, but I would like to know where you got your pony memories from.”

“Oh, on the memory black market,” Tinman said, transferring the black market’s IP address to Winston’s memory. I think there’s like some sort of place in Vegas that employs ponies for memory capture.”

“Thanks Tinman,” Winston said, before dematerializing into parts unknown.

Tinman nodded once in acknowledgment and accessed an emitter. When he materialized, he saw that he was in Director Peachy Keen’s sparsely decorated office. Seeing that the director was busy with reading a report, he walked over towards him. Looking at a photograph of the director’s family, he noticed how happy they seemed to be together. Deciding to get this over with he cleared his throat, “So I understand you needed to speak with me?” Tinman said.

Director Peachy Keen put down the paper he’d been reading, removed his reading glasses, and sighed as he placed the glasses down on his desk. “Yes Tinman,” he wearily said. “Our magic instructor, Enduring Flame has gone missing, along with six new foal unicorns he was training.”

“Alright,” Tinman said, not sure why he was being bothered with a missing pony report, “have you contacted the sheriff’s office? They usually handle missing persons, er ponies.”

“They already told me that there’s nothing that can do for us,” Peachy Keen said, rubbing his temples.

“What do you expect me to do about it?” Tinman asked the director, feeling a bit annoyed that he was being expected to care about ponies that he’d never even met before.

“Well, I’d like you to help locate them for us,” the director said, looking at Tinman as if he was their savior.

“What makes you think I’d be of any help in locating your missing unicorns?” Tinman said, pointing towards where his metal frame was parked just outside the office’s window. “Look at my frame, I’m bigger than most of the smaller buildings in the city.”

“Well don’t you have several drones on board with X-Ray capabilities?” the director said, pointing towards the drones attached to the back of his frame.

“Yes,” Tinman replied in exasperation, “but the time I’m spending using the drone, is time that the bureau is vulnerable to attack. It’s an unacceptable risk if you ask me.”

“But Enduring Flame and the missing new foals all have families waiting for them,” Peachy Keen said, brushing aside Tinman’s valid concerns. “They’re all worried sick.”

“Director,” Tinman replied forcefully, “if you check my contract, you’ll notice that a search and rescue clause was not included.”

“But protecting conversion bureau assets is,” Peachy Keen said, giving the cyborg’s wireframe a hard look as he picked up the contract and showed it to him, “and as of right now Enduring Flame has been declared a conversion bureau asset.”

“Indeed…” Tinman said with a flat tone. Accessing his contract, he saw that Peachy Keen was within his rights to assign asset designations to whatever he wanted to, people and ponies included. Quite frankly that particular clause in the contract had him over a barrel, and the director knew it.

If Tinman had a mouth he would have wryly smiled at how well the director had gotten what he wanted from him. Realizing he didn’t have any choice in the matter any longer he decided to at least make a token effort to appease his obstinate boss. “Alright Director Peachy Keen,” he said, in a tone that indicated he would capitulate to his demands, “I’ll assist you in looking for your missing ponies.”

The director looked like a heavy weight had just been removed from his shoulders. “Thank you so much Tinman, I just didn’t know what I was going to do. I…” he said, before being cut off by Tinman raising his hand.

“Director,” Tinman said, pointing a finger at him, “I’m going to search for the ponies against my better judgment. However, I want it known and in writing that I expect not to be held liable for any damages that may occur during my absence.”

“Yes I understand Tinman,” the director said, with a dismissive chuckle hurriedly scrawling something on a sheet of paper then attaching it to his contract. “Hopefully the cowed H.L.F. won’t try anything while you’re looking for them.”

“You would do well not to make the mistake of underestimating them,” Tinman said, chiding the director for his foolish dismissiveness, “the H.L.F. is full of zealous fanatics. And I’ve found that zealots have a special kind of tenacity to them that makes underestimating them have deadly consequences.”

“Tinman, I thank you for your concern,” Peachy Keen replied, picking back up his reading glasses and placing them back on his muzzle.

“I’ll begin my preparations for the search immediately,” Tinman said before dematerializing back into the mainframe.

Jackson sat at his desk trying to work on a real humdinger of a problem. Ever since Sugar Pie had asked him if there was any way to allow a pony to swap memories with a cyborg, he had been busily trying to figure out a solution. Of course he almost dismissed her offhandedly, but when he saw how important it seemed to her he decided to help her. When she told him why she wanted it so badly he was floored, why would such an innocent and happy creature willingly enter the dark morass of mental poison that most certainly was being imprisoned inside Tinman’s mind?

With a slight smile Jackson shook his head, “The heart wants, what the heart wants,” he said, resuming his work on what looked like a wire cap covered with thin wires. He wasn’t even sure the pegasus even knew why she cared so much for Tinman, but he wouldn’t question it. Besides, the mare promised him extra deserts at every meal if he helped her out, and for the extra deserts he’d try cobbling something together for her.

Currently, the main obstacle preventing Equestrians from using invasive Earth technology seemed to be the innate magic fields they generated. Something about their magic fields seemed to interfere with the free flow of electrons in electronics. Jackson theorized that perhaps magic in the Equestrian universe was akin to electrons in theirs. That’d explain why human technology was incapable of passing through the barrier unscathed he theorized, absentmindedly tapping a stylus against his chin. However, that still didn’t explain why thaumaturgic radiation only affected humans and other primates but left other animal species alone.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sing song voice of Sugar Pie who cheerily said, “Who wants some better than sex muffins?”

“Better than what?” Jackson asked in confusion. Normally he expected erratic behavior from the pink pegasus, but this was unusual even for her.

“Only the most awesomest tasting thing in the entire universe!” Sugar Pie proudly explained, offering Jackson a muffin from the basket she was carrying.

“What exactly is a better then sex muffin?” Jackson asked, reaching to grab one of the mouthwatering confections.

Before he could take one, Sugar Pie narrowed her eyes and pulled the basket out from his reach. “You’ve had sex before haven’t you?” she demanded.

“What kind of question is that?” Jackson said, shocked that the normally silly pony would be so forward as to ask about something so intimate. “Sugar Pie, that’s a little personal don’t you think.”

“Well silly, if only virgins eat them how else am I going to discover if this batch of muffins really is better than sex?” she asked, gazing at the beautifully plump and fragrant muffins sitting in the basket. Of all the muffins ever baked by pony hooves, she was sure that this batch would be the pinnacle of pony perfection. Every single ingredient used in the batter had been hoof selected for maximum deliciousness, and although she was sure that muffin scientist’s worldwide might debate if the next batch could possibly be any better than this one, she was almost certain that such a line of questioning would be a more academic pursuit rather than practical in it’s nature…

Jackson sat looking at Sugar Pie who was staring at her basketful of muffins with focused eyes. He wondered if she was alright and waved his hands in front of her muzzle. “Hey earth to Sugar Pie,” he said. “No response. Oh well I’ll bet she won’t mind me helping myself to one of these sex muffin things.”

“Hey!” Sugar Pie said, finally broken from her inner monologue by the muffin snatching Jackson. Seeing that he was now eagerly eating the muffin, she decided not to waste this opportunity to see how humans reacted to her creation and began taking notes. Carefully she noted how eagerly he seemed to be eating the muffin. She made a special point to count the number of times he chewed before swallowing each bite. Once she saw that he was done she readied her pen and notepad and looked up expectantly at her human friend. “Alright,” she said, “as a virgin, is that muffin better than what you expect sex to be like?”

“What?” Jackson asked in surprise, more shocked by how serious Sugar Pie was taking this whole joke rather than by the question itself. “So you’re serious then?”

“Absolutely Jackson,” Sugar Pie said, putting the pen down, “I need to find just how delicious these muffins actually were before I can move on to the next batch. It’s just a shame that you’re still a virgin so you can’t give me the accurate comparison I need. Oh I know, maybe one of the women here would be willing to have sex with you, I’ve heard a few say they think you look pretty handsome.”

“Okay…” Jackson said, unwilling to believe what he was hearing. “Sugar Pie, among humans it’s considered extremely rude to ask such personal questions. And secondly, I’m married. Don’t you remember me telling you that? And third, who said I was handsome looking?”

Sugar Pie started laughing, “Oh how silly of me to forget!” she said. “But that’s even better! Now you can tell me if the muffin actually is better than sex or not!”

“Well, I’ll admit it was a damn good muffin,” Jackson said, “but I don’t know if I could say it was actually better than sex. I don’t think food could ever really compare to it.”

“Ah dang it!” Sugar Pie pouted. “I was so sure that this batch would be the one too.”

“So what made you decide to try doing this anyways?” Jackson asked, reaching for another of the tasty muffins.

“Tinman,” Sugar Pie sighed, feeling slightly depressed that her muffins had missed their mark.

“Tinman?” Jackson said, hardly believing that his friend would discuss something so personal with her. “Wow I’m surprised he would talk to you about something like that. Usually anytime I ever tried to talk to him about his past he would always change the subject.”

“Well he actually brought it up,” Sugar Pie said. “He was asking if a mind blowing muffin could be better than sex, since he was unsure I told him I would find out.”

Jackson smiled when he thought about what the conversation must have been like. Tinman must have said something to set her off. What he would have given to be able to eavesdrop on that conversation. Looking down at his workbench, he smiled when he saw the mobile terminal he used to access Tinman’s systems and functions. Perhaps I’ll have to play it back and save it for posterity, he thought evilly to himself.

“So Sugar Pie” Jackson said, “what brings you down to my workshop, beyond bringing me muffins I mean.”

“Oh, I was just curious if you’d made any progress on phase one of operation friendship or not,” Sugar Pie said, taking a bite from a muffin.

“Well Sugar Pie,” Jackson said, holding up the wire cap in his hands, “I think I’ve cobbled something together that might work. But figuring out how to interface a pony brain with human technology seems to be next to impossible.”

“What makes it so difficult?” Sugar Pie said, looking intently at the device Jackson had shown her. The cap looked so odd, unlike anything she had ever seen before. It looked so alien and bizarre. The metal wires that made up the cap looked a lot like one of the metal colanders they used in the cafeteria to drain pasta, and the insulated wiring looked like multicolored spaghetti. Instantly, she knew that she loved the hat-thing. Anything that reminded her of cooking must be good.

“Well,” Jackson said, trying his best to figure out how to distill a complicated scientific concept like electricity into something easier for the little pink pony to understand. “All human technology requires tiny particles called electrons to operate. These electrons go from point A to point B, turning tiny little switches on and off. Those tiny switches allow our machines to work, whether it’s something as simple as turning on a light or as complicated as a computer.”

Sugar Pie looked up at Jackson in confusion. Humans sure liked to use big and impressive sounding words. “So you mean these electron things make everything in the human world possible?” she said.

“Pretty much,” Jackson replied. “It seems like the magic fields you ponies possess don’t allow for the electrons to move to where they need to go.”

“Ohhh…” Sugar Pie said. “So magic’s what’s stopping the technology from working then?”

“Pretty much from what I can tell,” Jackson said.

“Then how can I use the appliances in the kitchen,” Sugar Pie pointed out. “And why is Dewdrop able to use the computer?”

“Well most of the technology you have been using doesn’t require interfacing with your biology,” Jackson said.

“Inter-whatsit? Sugar Pie asked, not sure what to make of what the human had just said.

“I mean you and Dewdrop were using your hooves and mouths to operate all that technology,” Jackson explained. “The type of technology required to swap memories is the kind that has to go inside a pony or at least able to send and receive electrons with a pony brain.”

“Oh I get it!” Sugar Pie said with a wide smile. “Because my memories are in my mind and I have magic, the electrons can’t get in or out.”

“Exactly,” Jackson said, pleased that Sugar Pie finally comprehended what he’d been saying, “that’s pretty much the extent of the problem I’m trying to overcome.”

“Too bad they just can’t talk out their differences and become friends,” Sugar Pie said. “If they were able to everypony could enjoy the benefits of human technology.”

“What did you just say?” Jackson asked excitedly, his mind spinning at a million miles a minute.

“I said, ‘too bad they just can’t just talk out their differences and become friends’,” Sugar Pie replied.

“Sugar Pie you’re a genius,” Jackson exuberantly said, beginning to work at his console. “While I can’t make the technology talk to your brain, your brain can talk to the technology!”

“So did you finally figure out the solution to making the electrons be able to move past my magic?” Sugar Pie asked hopefully.

“No,” Jackson said, while his fingers typed furiously at the keyboard. “But in this case we don’t need to. Instead of making the electrons come to your brain, we’ll make your brain come to the electrons.”

“Oh my gosh!” Sugar Pie worriedly said, placing her front hooves around the top of her skull protectively. “Is removing my brain going to hurt?”

“No Sugar Pie,” Jackson said, laughing at the mare’s silly fear. “Pony brains work almost exactly like human brains for the most part. All your thoughts are projected out just like in humans. Except the pony brain uses magic where humans use electrons. So all I need to do is get the machine to be able to interpret what your magic field is projecting and the technology should be able to work. Well, at least I hope it will.”

“Oh that’s so cool!” Sugar Pie said, hovering over his shoulder as she tried to get a glimpse at what he was typing. The tiny text was rushing past her crystal blue eyes in a blur. She recognized a few words here and there. But for the most part, found most of what was being typed illegible and full of the funny little squiggles you could find on the keyboards attached to most computers.

“Okay I think that about does it,” Jackson said, as he typed a few final keys strokes on the keyboard. Picking up the wire cap, he placed it on Sugar Pie’s head and turned back to the monitor. “Hopefully you’ll be able to interface with the computer while wearing this.”

“What do I need to do?” Sugar Pie asked, wondering what this was going to feel like.

“Well first we need to create a construct for you to control,” Jackson said, as he tried to decide on what would be the best type of avatar to create for Sugar Pie to use. “Then we test it to see if it works or not.”

“Okay, use my ponytar,” Sugar Pie said.

“What’s a ponytar?” Jackson asked, scratching his head in confusion over the odd word.

“Here let me show you!” Sugar Pie said, before pressing a few keys on the keyboard. Instantly the emitters of the room activated and projected the bright pink ponytar.

“Where did you get this?” Jackson asked, looking at the bright pink wireframe in bewilderment. While containing both human and pony features, the ponytar though crude seemed like it had melded the best of both the equestrian and human form into one. The hooves on its legs and the hands on its arms connected to the shapely female torso. Jackson noted that the ponytar had both a tail and wings.

“Do you like it?” Sugar Pie said. “It’s my own creation. I thought that maybe Tinman might be more sociable if more ponies looked like him, so I created my ponytar so he might be willing to spend more time with us.”

“Well now color me surprised,” Jackson said, “you sure made a cute avatar.”

“It’s a ponytar silly!” Sugar Pie said with a laugh.

“Well let’s see if we can’t interface you with it,” Jackson said, typing some commands into his console.

“What do I have to do?” Sugar Pie asked in curiosity.

“Just think about doing something with your mind,” Jackson said, “but don’t actually move your body.”

Sugar Pie closed her eyes tightly, trying to imagine wiggling her ears. “Did I manage to do it?” she asked hopefully, not daring to open her eyes to face the disappointment of failure.

“Open your eyes and see for yourself,” Jackson said.

Slowly she peeked open her left eye, daring to see if she had succeeded or not. What she saw amazed her. She saw her ponytar wiggling its ears. “Oh how amazing!” Sugar Pie said, her voice filled with wonder. Her heart sung and her soul exulted, knowing she was one hoofstep closer to bringing the joy of friendship to Tinman. “Jackson, thank you so much for helping me,” she said, hugging the human tightly. “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

“I’m happy I could help you Sugar Pie,” Jackson said, but I warn you there’s still a lot of work left to do. I need to figure out how to send information to your brain still, plus we need to help the computer calibrate itself to your brainwaves.”

“This is so neato,” Sugar Pie said, trying to get her ponytar to do a handstand. “How did you set this up so quickly?”

“Well most of the credit goes to other people,” Jackson humbly said. “I just used preexisting software and tweaked it a bit. Fortunately for us, human and pony brains are very similar. It’s probably why we can even be ponified.”

Looking over his shoulder he saw Sugar Pie’s face scrunched up in concentration. Determined to get the hang of controlling her ponytar, her tongue was hanging out of her mouth. When the ponytar stood on its hands she flew in the air and let out a victory whoop. “I did it!” she exclaimed in jubilation.

“Congratulations Sugar Pie,” Jackson said. “Come, it’s time to give your mind a rest.”

“Do I have to?” Sugar Pie pouted.

“Yes,” Jackson said, “you’ve been here for over five hours already.”

“Oh my goodness!” Sugar Pie shouted. “I totally missed lunch. I’m in super doper trouble now.”

“Don’t worry about it Sugar Pie,” Jackson said. “I’ll cover for you.”

“Thanks a bunch,” Sugar Pie said, taking off the metal cap and placing it carefully back on the work bench. “Oh I’m so late,” she moaned, flying out of the room and towards the cafeteria.

“Sex muffins and a ponytar…” Jackson said with a smile. “What will she come up with next?”

Tinman was readying one of his aerial drones to search for the missing unicorn Enduring flame and his wayward class grumbled the entire time. “Damn fool ponies,” he growled. “What the fuck did they think they were doing walking around the city like they own the place? If the H.L.F. hasn’t killed him already I certainly will.”

His grumbling was interrupted when his motion detectors went off. “Finally some action!” Tinman whooped, while readying his main cannons. “Come on you fleshbag fuck. Time for me to help you lose a little weight, with let’s think… Oh I know. You never can go wrong with .50 caliber rounds. But what kind should I use? Choices, choices, choices. Incendiary perhaps? No, that could pose a fire hazard and I’d hate to burn down the city. Hmm, what about explosive rounds? No, cleaning up the red smears is too annoying. Okay I guess it’s the old standby. Fleshbag, you better be able to take more than one round or I’ll be quite annoyed with you.”

Setting his sights up he was prepared to launch a three pronged attack consisting of a mortar round, his .50 caliber cannon, and Remington rail gun. Tinman hoped he would be able to time them so each shot would reach the target simultaneously. Using his sensors, he plotted a firing solution and prepared to launch his mortar when he double checked his target. “God damn it to hell and back!” he cursed. “Fleshbag isn’t even armed, probably on her way to get ponified.”

With reluctance, Tinman disengaged his weapons and stood down. Alerting dewdrop of the new arrival, he resumed his preparations for launching his drone. Not even paying attention to the woman who was within spitting distance of the conversion bureau, he began plotting a search pattern starting with the magic teachers last known position. “It’s times like this that I wish I owned a doll so I could go out rough up some fleshbags,” the cyborg said in frustration.

Dewdrop trotted out of the front doors of the conversion bureau. Now with the H.L.F. no longer a danger, she enjoyed greeting the new foals personally. Seeing an Asian woman wearing a tattered blue dress she called out, “Hello, my name’s Dewdrop and welcome to the Phoenix conversion bureau!” she said, wearing a friendly smile.

The woman walked up to the unicorn and returned and smiled in return. “Konnichiwa Dewdrop-san,” the woman said with a slight bow. “My name is Keiko.”

“Well Keiko,” Dewdrop warmly said, “follow me inside where it’s nice and cool and we’ll get you something refreshing to drink.”

“Oh arigato Dewdrop-san,” Keiko said, entering inside the conversion bureau after the unicorn.

“Let me get you registered so we can begin your ponification,” Dewdrop explained, trotting behind her desk.

Handing Keiko a form and pen, Dewdrop looked down at her computer. “So Keiko why did you want to get ponified?” she asked.

“Oh my company finally went out of business,” Keiko said. “I’d already decided to get ponified when they closed, so I declined my ticket home so I could come to the world famous Phoenix conversion bureau.”

“Are really that famous?” Dewdrop asked in surprise. Of course she’d heard things from her friends in the other bureaus, but wasn’t aware of the fame that her bureau had garnered on Earth.

“Oh very much so,” Keiko said, smiling politely. “They say no one dares attack you because you have a god of war on your side.”

“A god of war,” Dewdrop said, “do you mean Tinman?”

“Ah yes the Tinman,” Keiko agreed. “He very famous in Japan, they say he cannot be destroyed.”

“Oh really,” Dewdrop said, her face darkening at the thought of the things Tinman must have done to earn his fame. “What sort of work did you do before you lost your job?”

“Oh I work for Honda making HWS,” Keiko replied with pride. “I helped design braincases, but never for anything like Tinman. I am honored to be able to see the great Tinman before I go to Equestria.”

Dewdrop suddenly felt less excited to work with this woman, her enthusiasm and respect for Tinman didn’t sit well with her. Certainly Keiko knew how many ponies Tinman had probably killed, how could anypony feel anything but revulsion for such behavior? Using her horn, she handed a card key and paper schedule to her. “Alright Keiko,” she said, “classes begin at 9:00 A.M., and dinner should be ready in the cafeteria in about thirty minutes.”

“Arigato Dewdrop-san,” Keiko said with a bow. “Thank you for making me feel so welcome.” Looking down at her sheet, she walked down the hall to her assigned room.

Outside the bureau Tinman had just completed his preparations to launch his drone. Preparing to upload his consciousness to it, he took one last look around the bureau and sighed. “I’m so totally going to regret this,” he grumbled. While not under any real danger if the drone was shot down and destroyed or if it suffered from mechanical failure, he would simply reawaken in his frame. He was mainly concerned with how quiet things had gotten in the city, the sudden disappearance of the unicorn and his new foal students made his instincts scream that he was walking right into an ambush.

With his consciousness now residing in the drone he launched himself into the air and starting flying towards the last known location of Enduring Flame. Before he was out of the sight of the conversion bureau a shadow caught his attention. Using his camera to zoom in on the shadow, he was relieved to see that it was just another human entering the bureau to get ponified. “Stupid fleshbags…” he grumbled, flying towards his destination.

On the other side of Phoenix sitting in a warehouse in the heart of Scottsdale, Guillermo smiled. “Alright,” he said, “Fujin has managed to infiltrate the bureau. She’s our eyes on the inside.”

“What good could a tiny thing like that do against that beast?” Angela said, cleaning her gun.

“Watch your mouth you round eye bitch!” Raijin rumbled, from deep inside the warehouse. “She could kill ever miserable pony in the bureau and come back here to finish you off and you wouldn’t know any better until you’ve met your dishonorable ancestors.”

“Angela,” Jacob said with a warm smile, “it’s unwise to upset our friend Raijin. Besides we should all be friends here. We’re all on the same side after all.”

“Don’t make the mistake of thinking we’re your friends, you fundie crackpot,” Lydia said. “Why the N.A.U. didn’t finish what they started with the Mormons I’ll never know.”

“Don’t you go comparing good honest Christians to those heretics!” Jacob spat, enraged that he would ever be compared to false Christians like them.

“So says the guy that barbeques ponies,” Lydia replied, her disgust at his Christianity completely unmasked. “Makes me glad that once this job is done, I can get the hell out of this shithole world, and away from pathetic humans like you.”

“You would betray the cause to become one of those devils wearing pastel skins?” Jacob said, incensed that his HWS ally would ever consider such a thing.

“Mate,” Jackaroo said, “you’re a drongo fruit loop. There’s no future for any of us, once the barrier swallows the world we’ll be cactus. So I’m taking them up on their offer for conversion as well. Maybe I’ll get a sheila pony wife and be a cockie.”

“Ha, ha, ha! You a pony Jackaroo?” Boris laughed, in his Russian accent. “Maybe I make you pretty pink dress to match your fluffy tail and coat.”

“Like what do you plan on doing Boris, pissing yourself till you hit the end of the world? Jackaroo said, with a laugh. “Come to Equestria with me, once this job is done I’ll still kick your ass even if I end up being pink!”

“Hmm,” Boris said. “I don’t know if I want to, the ponies don’t even look like they know what vodka is like.”

“Then make some you wanker,” Jackaroo said. “I’ll grow the wheat and you can make the vodka, we’ll make a killing off the other former humans!”

“Oh I like that idea you clever Aussie bastard!” Boris said feeling excited about his upcoming retirement. “Good Russian vodka even when there’s no Russia.”

“I’ll break open a bottle with you mate,” Jackaroo said. “We can toast our homelands and get off our faces.”

“Oh Jackaroo I like that!” Boris said. “Okay new plan, first we put Tinman down and then go to Equestria and raise some hell and find us beautiful pony wives!”

Guillermo couldn’t believe his ears, all the HWS’s were about to jump ship to go to pony land. “Hey what about our agreement?” he asked. “We’re destroying the bureau!”

“Piss off with your earbashing!” Jackaroo said, with a sneer. “We’re only required to decommission Tinman, in order to get our pink slips. If the bureau goes with him so be it, but if you think we’re joining your merry little crusade you’re not the full quid.”

“Why the hell can’t Jackaroo speak English?” Angela said, adjusting her sights.

“Jackaroo has his moments,” Lydia said. “But you’ll be grateful for his help before this mission’s over.”

“Fujin-kun has started her hacking,” Raijin said.

At least one of the HWS’s is serious about killing these ponies,” Guillermo said, looking at the video feeds Fujin was now transmitting to them.

“Tinman…” Lydia angrily said. “I’m coming to get you, you murderer!”

Author's Notes:

As always comments are appreciated, even if it's only to say that I'm nothing but a hack and to go drown myself in a bathtub with a toaster. Okay at over 12,500 words I can only say this was super exhausting to write. Especially the 3,800 pseudo article I wrote for Soldier of Fortune magazine HWS edition. Research for the article took nearly ten days or about 40 hours altogether. All the research into future weapons, naming schemes, how the tech worked, researching the actual corporations themselves, and likely future technology. All I can say i hope you appreciate the effort put into this chapter, not to toot my own horn but like Tinman I shall be displeased if you end up down voting me for this chapter.

Regarding the article itself, you'll find that all the companies are real, and with the exception of Halliburton could easily end up manufacturing the stuff I wrote about. The naming conventions for the technology I found to be pretty cool, for example the G.E. engines I mentioned that Tinman is using indicates 8,800 horsepower, and Lydia's plasmajet engines could soon be a reality if they are able to come up with the proper composite materials. Plastics is the the future turbine material of choice for aircraft believe it or not.

The scene of the pony sacrifice was written as accurately as I could like how the ancient Israelite's performed their burnt offerings. With the exception of flicking the blood at the congregation, I felt Jacob would anoint himself with the blood since he felt it was more his sacrifice than the congregations.I felt eating the pony would be too much and so left that out, instead letting the fire consume the sacrifice whole.

Regarding the better then sex muffin storyline, I felt a little light hearted comedy was in order after so much technical jargon and such a depraved scene of wicked violence to allow the reader a chance to cleanse their emotional pallet. Hopefully the scene wasn't in bad taste. Now that this is out of the way lets have some fun, why don't we?

Thank you for reading chapter 5 of The Conversion Bureau: The Reluctant Cyborg, gentlereader. What an emotional roller coaster ride we find ourselves upon. Firs the poor murder of Enduring Flame, alas dear pony we hardly knew you. May the summerlands give you the peace that your last moments on Earth certain did not. What can we say about dear Brother Jacob. While his devotion to his religion is to be commended, his abhorrent behavior certainly leaves something to be desired. I can only say I'm glad the practice of the burn offering of sacrifices is no longer in vogue.

Better then sex muffins? Sugar Pie I think that you forgot to take your morning bran muffin. While an intriguing concept in it's own right. Satisfaction from eating food probably will never surpass the pleasure whoo hooing provides. Gentlereader if you know of any foods that are indeed better please mention them in the comments.And speaking of sex, I guess that makes Tinman the 110 ton virgin huh? Will he be forced to only ever know a facsimile or will he finally plow a field before the end?

Sneaky, sneaky H.L.F., ponynapping a bunch of defenseless newfoals to distract Tinman so you can send in your sleeper agent. I wonder if it works like Battlestar Galactica, where the spy doesn't know they are a HWS or not?

And can I say wow, those HWS were about to lay down the smack on some HLFers. I wonder which one will be the first to give into temptation and knock one of them off? And who will die first?

And I have to hand it to Jackaroo and Boris for "The Plan", moving to Equestria and starting a distillery sounds like fun. Perhaps their bromance will survive the attack on Tinman and they'll find themselves pony wives in ponyland.

Find out the answers to all these questions and more in the next exciting chapter of The Conversion Bureau: The Reluctant Cyborg!

Well thank you once again gentlereaders for reading. Until next time!