Asleep, Fluttershy dreamed.

Linky the Terrible's enormous head blocked her entire field of view. The blue pony's red eyes were wide open and her jaw hung low. The air had a glassy sheen to it and everything else was obscured by a white mist; they were surrounded by fog. Wait, no, the air wasn't glassy; Fluttershy was in a glass jar.

Linky's mouth moved, but no sound came out. Fluttershy heard nothing. Linky's ears drooped and her eyes twitched. She clenched her teeth and shook the jar. Fluttershy should have felt jostled, but she felt nothing, nothing at all...

For the first time in three days, Fluttershy's night-terrors ceased. She slept peacefully and more soundly than she ever had before. She slept like death.

The rooster crowed to herald a new day. What was the point? Fluttershy's eyes opened and she stared blankly at the ceiling. She may have slept well, but she still felt dead. Moving wasn't something she had to bother with anymore. Slowly, gradually, her mind kicked into gear and she came to the sad realization that she probably wasn't dead after all. Her heart still beat; her breath was regular; her body desired food. She had all of the symptoms of being alive, but she sure didn't feel that way.

Fluttershy groaned and forced herself out of bed. She heard somepony say once that her body was like a chariot. She'd long since forgotten what the point of that metaphor was, but if her body was a chariot, she was no longer guiding it through life; it was simply dragging her along for the ride.

Fluttershy bent around and rubbed at her flank. It was still just as blank as it was before. There wasn't any cutie mark hiding under her fur, waiting for an opportunity to grow out. She frowned and put her hoof back on the floor.

Breakfast. She should get breakfast.

Slowly, sluggishly, she got breakfast.

Her ears perked up and there was a knock on the door. Fluttershy dropped her spoon back in her bowl of Oaty-O's that was sitting next to the dirty plates she still hadn't cleaned yet. “Come in.”

A freckled orange earth pony with green eyes, and blonde hair wearing a stetson walked in. It was Applejack, of course, but Fluttershy didn't feel up to the arduous task of facial recognition.

“Mornin', Fluttershy. Ah brought you some fresh supplies from the farm.” Applejack pointed to her bulging saddlebags. They were packed with ears of corn, heads of lettuce, bushels of wheat, and, of course, apples.

Fluttershy grunted.

Applejack blinked. “Oh, uh, y'all don't have to pay for nothin'. Rarity took care of that.”

Fluttershy grunted again.

“Uh, of course I gave her a (somewhat small) discount. It was for you, after all.”

“Uh, well, thanks for bringing it over, I guess.” Fluttershy didn't feel like lifting a hoof and pointed at the corner of the room with a wing. “Just leave it there. I'll get around to putting it away... eventually.”

Applejack pulled off her cargo and frowned at the dusty, unswept floor. It was littered with discarded shells from eaten nuts, numerous crumbs, and there were still plenty of carrots lying around. “Are you feeling alright, sugarcube?”

Fluttershy grunted and didn't dignify that with a response.

Applejack frowned and looked around the room again. “Do ya want me to help clean up the place while Ah'm here?”

“Don't bother. It's just going to get dirty again.” Fluttershy scooped up another bite of her cereal and let it dribble back into her bowl. She pushed it aside to fester amongst the other dirty dishes.

“Well, Ah guess we should wait until after breakfast to do the cleaning.” Applejack pulled a scroll out of a side pocket from her saddlebags. She rolled it out on the floor. “Yeesh, Twilight and her lists.” Applejack poked her hoof at the top of the scroll. “It says here, 'armadillo.' ” She scratched at her mane. “What the hay do armadillos eat?”

“Applejack, what are you doing?” Fluttershy was annoyed enough to lift her head and frown at the farm pony's antics.

“It's my turn to help ya feed the animals.” Applejack rummaged in her bags. “They eat apples, right?”

“Armadillos are insectivores. They eat grubs. They won't be interested in your apples unless they're full of worms. And what do you mean it's 'your turn' to help feed the animals?”

Applejack blinked. She shut her saddlebags and turned to face Fluttershy, who was glaring at her. “Well, Spike did it the first day, we let the kids do it yesterday, and it's my turn today...”

“Why are you helping me feed the animals!?” Fluttershy stomped her hoof and snorted.

Applejack scratched at her mane. “Aw, shucks, Fluttershy. We never meant to upset you. It's just that back when this whole thing started we all agreed to take turns doing it.”

“Wait, when was this? Why didn't I hear of it?”

Applejack shrugged. “Ya never followed us to the hospital when we went to check on Snappy Scoop.”

“Oh, right.” Fluttershy's glare faded and she looked at the floor. It really was dirty.

Applejack took a deep breath. “Back then, we didn't know what exactly what losing yer cutie mark would do to ya. Ah guess we still don't... Anyway, Twilight didn't want ya to relapse and suffer from depletion again, so we all agreed to take over the tasks that most heavily involved yer special talent.”

“Huh. Well that does make sense, but my magic levels are off the charts now. I won't have to worry about depletion again anytime soon. Wait—all of you were going to help with this?”

Applejack snickered. “Well, almost all of us. Rainbow Dash can't even identify what kind of animal her pet is and you know Rarity is with Opal...”

Despite herself, Fluttershy had to smile. It would be pure chaos if either of those two ever had to fill in for her. She frowned again when Applejack went back to reading the list and sorting out food supplies. “Um, what are you doing?”

“Since I'm here, Ah'm going to go ahead and get started. You can finish yer breakfast if you'd like.”

“But I just said—” Applejack made the motions of doing work, but her eyes kept darting over to look at the pegasus watching over her. Fluttershy narrowed her eyes. “Why are you really here?”

Applejack jerked as if caught with her hoof in the cookie jar. “Uh, well, ya see...”

Fluttershy sighed. “You don't have to be embarrassed about it, whatever it is. I know you're not trying to upset me.”

Applejack slowly nodded. “We're worried about ya, sugarcube. We always want somepony around to watch over you.”

“I'm not a foal, Applejack. I can take care of myself.”

“Of course you aren't, but with everything that's happened and all of this talk about yer potentially dying...”

Fluttershy reached over to place her hoof on Applejack's shoulder. The two of them were very close together. “Applejack, Twilight went far out of her way yesterday to assure me that those fears were unfounded. I believed her.”

“Oh. Okay, then. Um... you wouldn't mind if I stayed around anyway? Ya don't mind spending time with yer friends, right?”

So she was playing that card, was she? Fluttershy stepped back and waved a hoof to encompass the whole room. “No, but, as a friend, you'd leave me be if I asked you to, right?”

“Well, yes, but—”

“Applejack, yesterday the Cutie Mark Crusaders asked me an important question. 'Why have I not tried to earn my cutie mark back in the same way that I earned it in the first place?' ”

“This isn't entirely about yer cutie mark.”

“Yes it is!” Fluttershy hopped up on table and almost plopped a hoof in her leftover soggy breakfast. She held that foreleg up instead. “Don't you see, Applejack? Our cutie marks aren't just about magic and talents; they also represent our destinies, and our destinies are what drive us forward each day.” Fluttershy's face darkened, as if in shadow. “And without a destiny, I don't even have a reason to live.”

Applejack reared back. “Don't say such things!”

Fluttershy sighed and folded her wings back up. Somehow, they'd gotten spread out in the excitement. “And that's why it's more important than ever that I do everything I can to get my cutie mark back.”

Applejack pointed at the door. “So ya want me to...?”

Fluttershy nodded. “I'm sorry, Applejack, but my connection with the animals was very personal. Having another pony around could interfere with that. Animals can spook easily, even if you don't mean to startle them.”

Applejack tipped her hat. “Well, alright, then. Ah do have a lot of chores to catch up on back at the farm. Ah'm going to come back at lunchtime to check up on ya, though. If y'all need anything, anything at all, don't hesitate to come and ask me for it.”

“I won't, Applejack—hesitate, that is.” Fluttershy waved her hoof at her departing friend. “When you see me again I hope to have a new cutie mark.”

The door shut.

“I'll have a new cutie mark—” Fluttershy closed her eyes and lowered her head. She spoke in a soft whisper. “—or die trying.”

Great, now that Applejack was gone, she was actually going to have to feed the animals, wasn't she?

“No, no. I can't give up before I even start! I'm going to do this and I'm going to give it all I can!” Why bother, I already know it's not going to work... Fluttershy tried her best to banish the dark thoughts invading her mind. This was no time to argue with herself. She had a task to do, and she needed to focus.

Applejack's supplies were quite thorough. She'd brought a complete inventory of everything Fluttershy could possibly need for a week. That would certainly make things easier. Twilight's list, however, could use some work. It was better to feed the animals in groups based on their common diets rather than trying to run through them all individually in alphabetical order. When Twilight got her turn, Fluttershy would be sure to point that out to her.

No—that wasn't right. Twilight wouldn't ever need to take a turn because Fluttershy would earn her cutie mark back. Fat chance...

Grr, why was she being so negative? Because it's the truth.

Fluttershy shook her head. “Okay, no more thinking. Time to do this.”

Opening her door, she reached up to rattle her wind chime. The resulting noise echoed across her yard. “Okay, everycritter, it's breakfast time!”

Fluttershy waited for the animals to respond. It didn't take them long to start piling in, but she waited a few moments longer for the stragglers to show up. Her poppies were in full bloom and covered the lawn in a lovely sea of red. She had to frown, though. There were plenty of bees, and some wasps, but there were no butterflies. Where did they go? Perhaps they died...

Scampering around her legs pulled her attention back to her animal friends. “Okay, squirrels and chipmunks on the left, bunnies on the right, please.” Their little, beady eyes looked up at her, but they remained unsorted. “Well, I knew this wasn't going to be easy...”

With a touch of inspiration, Fluttershy beckoned them in and offered up two different piles of food. The rabbits congregated to the lettuce while the others went for the nuts. That was easy, but it would take a lot more effort than just herding them to earn her cutie mark.

Fluttershy focused on one of the squirrels. This one had gray mottled fur with a soft white underbelly. She remembered digging out a nest for him in the hollow trunk of a nearby oak tree. He'd complained, because it had a tendency to leak in the rain, but she'd called on a colony of carpenter ants to fix the place up for him. She knew who he was, but could she reach him in that special way like she used to? “Hi there, Scamper. Are the repairs holding up?”

Scamper scampered away.

Fluttershy's heart lurched. He'd shown no signs of recognition at all and, in truth, Fluttershy felt the same way too. This failure stung, but she wasn't going to give up. She was going to try harder. Why am I torturing myself?

Amongst the rabbits was a brown jackelope by the name of Snarglethumper. He was a mean one, and enjoyed butting heads with and bullying the weaker-skulled rabbits. Fluttershy never liked resorting to threats, but the only thing that kept him in line was her ultimatum that if he was going to act like a predator, then he was going to have to live with them (briefly). Snargle was up to his usual tricks and hogging the food, so Fluttershy had to do something. A verbal scolding wouldn't work, so she leaned down to glare at him.

He smacked her in the eyeball with his antlers.

“Ow! Ow, ow, ow.” Fluttershy hopped up and down and clutched at her swelling eye with her hooves. That offered no comfort, so she left to get ice from the freezer and held the cold pack against her injury. The pain in her face slowly subsided, but the pain in her heart only grew. By the time she returned, all of the rabbits and squirrels and chipmunks were gone.

Fluttershy groaned and banged on a wooden drum. It was time to call in the rats and mice.

Dozens of them poured in, but that was far from the total population. Fluttershy frowned. She hoped this wasn't because another rat king had formed. Of all the strange and fantastical creatures that she'd run into, the rat king was one of the worst. By itself, it was just an ugly mass of rodent, consisting of about half a dozen individuals whose tails had gotten knotted together.

Despite the appearance, rat kings were insidious. They thrived on mischief, grew clever beyond all reason, all rodents and most other small animals bowed down to their whims, and they were always, always insane. Fluttershy shuddered at the thought of the last one. It had all of the beavers building dams in the streets and demanded pony rides for the chickens, of all things, or every mailbox in town would be gnawed off at the base and replaced with piles of black rocks.

Fortunately, all she had to do was untangle the knotted tails and separate the rats and the king reverted back to being ordinary rodents. That was easier said than done, though, as she has to fight past scores of rodents who would do anything to protect their king. She still had scars from that battle buried underneath her fur. Fluttershy shuddered. It was more likely that the rodents were absent because they'd been overfed recently, but if another rat king had formed then she needed to know about it. All she had to do was ask. And how, exactly, do I do that?

For once, Fluttershy agreed with the pessimistic voice in the back of her mind. She scattered seeds and grains for the rodents to collect and watched them stuff their mouths. How did her old method of talking to the animals work, anyway? Nopony else could do anything quite like it, could they? The magic was hers and hers alone. If she was going to get it back, she'd have to find it within herself.

Taking a deep breath, Fluttershy thought back to how things were several days ago.

All she had to do was hum sweet nothings. A single peanut, a touch of the nose, a wink of the eye—that was all it took to delve into the mind of her guests. She could feel the life within them; she shared their love, their happiness, and could even read their minds and pick out their desires. The key, though, was feeling the life. That's it... I'm dead...

Fluttershy focused on a gray rat before her. His little hands held up half a kernel of dried corn that he'd been gnawing on. She watched him intently. She could see his breathing. With further effort, she deluded herself into believing she could see his heartbeat too. Her own breath became shallow, and she felt ill. A bland queasiness rose up inside her and she had to lie down. Her head spun and she felt faint. I can't do this.

What she'd felt were symptoms of depletion. That seemed odd considering her magic level. Perhaps the measurement was off? On the one hoof, if she continued this route, she could faint and there'd be nopony around to revive her. On the other hoof, this meant she was on the right track. Cutie marks did take a lot of magic. All she had to do was keep trying and trying harder until something gave out. It was a bad, stupid plan, but she hated living like this and was willing to try anything, anything at all, to fix it.

The rodents had cleared out while Flutterhy nursed her fledgling headache. She took a break and stepped inside to apply a poultice to her black eye. It was a mixture she'd learned in her travels while seeking out exotic animals that impressed even Zecora with its potency. Fluttershy dabbed a few drops on her swollen spots. It felt cool, like ice, and immediately the swelling started to subside. She had to be careful, though, because too much of it could make her whole face go numb for hours. When she was done, she opted to feed the birds and the remaining critters normally before trying to make a connection again. After all, she didn't want them to go hungry if anything happened to her. That also gave her medicine time to work and she felt mostly normal again, if a bit numb, but not excessively so.

When she felt ready, she went out back to her chicken coop. “Elizabeak, would you mind coming over here for a moment?” The chicken ignored her, of course.

Fluttershy didn't let that bother her and hopped the fence to get inside. The chickens scattered, but they had no place to run. Fluttershy picked one up.

“Squawk!” The chicken wasn't very happy. Her head bobbed around and she struggled in Fluttershy's grip.

If I can't connect to happiness, perhaps I can connect to fear. Fluttershy glared at the bird and let the avian's struggles fill her mind. She wasn't going to hurt the bird; she'd never do that, but simply holding her in her hooves was an act that brought them closer together. “Calm down, please. There's nothing to worry about. Everything will be just fine.” It didn't work. The chicken kept struggling and squawking.

Fluttershy had half a heart to just give up right then and there, but kept at it anyway. She just needed to connect with the bird, then she'd be able to let her go. Not that I can do that, though. Even as her darker thoughts surfaced, Fluttershy felt her focus snap into place. Yes, yes, this is definitely working!

Her chicken, Persephonegg, was a life. It was faint and distant, but it existed like a spark across the horizon of souls. Fluttershy's head pounded with pain, but she grit her teeth. She had a goal. She could see it. Now all she had to do was reach it. It's out of reach... Fluttershy wracked her brain and thought back to how her magic used to work. She always took it for granted, but needed every scrap of memory she had to pick apart the details for putting her life back together. Her life! That was it!

She'd used her own life force as a stepping stone to reach across. She was young and healthy. This should be a snap.

Fluttershy stepped on herself, and everything broke.

There was a horrible soul-crunching. Persephonegg was gone. Whether she dropped the chicken in real life, she didn't know. Fluttershy was gone too. She fell through the cracked shell that was her soul and saw for the first time the damage that Linky had done to her. Her life, her passion, her cutie mark, had been gouged away and she was left with an empty, brittle, hollow void. The ground in this place was littered with the corpses of butterflies. She didn't know exactly what that meant, but she didn't need to. Fluttershy had thought she was alive, but she was wrong. She was dead inside, and she'd never be able to live again.

Wetness poured down her cheeks. Fluttershy's eyes slowly opened as the real world came back to her. She was lying in the dirt and the chicken was gone. She had no idea if she'd fainted or slipped into a dream but the sheer vividness of her vision was so real that it had to be true. She'd cried before, but now she let the tears fly free. She was in mourning of herself. She'd couldn't earn her cutie mark back; that part of her was dead. She was incapable of ever earning a cutie mark ever again.

“I can't go on living like this.” Fluttershy broke her wailing to look up at the vast blue sky. Her voice cracked and she choked up. There was one way to end the pain: the easy way. “I-I can't go on living.”