As has already been mentioned, the wings belong to Diane. The horn belongs to Pinkamena. There is a particular requirement to decide whether Pinkie Pie gets Diane's wings or Pinkamena’s horn in this game. And, there are a few differences between Pinkie Pie getting Diane's wings or Pinkamena's horn.

You already know, from the last chapter, what happens if Pinkie Pie gets Diane's wings. If, on the other hand, Pinkie Pie gets Pinkamena's horn, well, for one thing, she won’t have to struggle with her blanket as she would if she were to earn her wings. On top of that, she’ll consider getting lessons from Twilight, but will accept getting lessons from Rarity or another unicorn who’s talent isn’t magic.

Also, whatever Pinkie gets at the end of the game will influence what the three stallions get. As seen in this playthrough, if Pinkie Pie gets Diane’s wings, then Berry Ground shows up with a horn, Stunts shows up with wings, and Emerald Hill shows up with earth pony powers. On the other hand, if Pinkie Pie earns Pinkamena’s horn, then Berry Ground shows up with wings, Stunts shows up with earth pony powers, and Emerald Hill shows up with a horn.

As for earning both, well, I looked at the code; and I realized that the programming doesn't allow for Pinkie Pie to earn both Diane’s wings and Pinkamena’s horn at the same time. She can, and will, earn either one or the other. I guess I’ll have to look into coding the first extension to see if I can get such a possibility. Although, since the next extension will stretch the game to include all the episodes from season two, chances are Pinkie Pie will have the ability to earn one of those upgrades at the end of the first-season episodes, and the other by the end of the second-season episodes. I suppose we’ll just have to see how that’ll work.

The main deciding factor that decides if Pinkie Pie will earn either Pinkamena’s horn or Diane’s wings is her learning to buck apples out of trees. If you want Diane to earn her wings, then teach Pinkie Pie to buck apples. But, don’t teach her that if you want Pinkamena to earn her horn.

It’s surprisingly difficult for an Equestrian pony to expel on cue. Fortunately, as it turns out, it was generally not necessary.

When Twilight was supposed to urinate in one of the earlier chapters, as it turns out, all that was needed was the sound effect of drops of water rapidly landing on a rock.

It seemed as though Lyra was more than willing to urinate on cue. But, later on Lyra told me that she really had been that alarmed at hearing my voice in her ear, both times.

During those times when Pinkie Pie was supposed to vomit, she had no problem acting like she was gagging. But, when it was necessary to see her actually vomit, that had to be computer generated. At other times, it was just sound effects and a prop that was placed under Pinkie’s head before it was time for her to open her mouth, as well as pitching the camera downward to complete the effect.

I learned that this didn’t necessarily mean the ponies had shy systems, just that their lifelong training tended to supersede the script. Of course, that didn't mean they didn’t try.

Pinkie Pie tried eating a small amount of raw meat before scenes were she’d have to vomit, for instance. Unfortunately, that meant she’d vomit either immediately, or just before the scene or act even started.

Twilight tried forcing herself to urinate. But, her bladder refused to cooperate with her; and she ended up emptying her bowels instead. When I suggested she try using her magic, she told me that unicorns aren’t comfortable using their magic on the systems of anypony, neither themselves nor others, whether to force containment or release. I seem to remember Twilight saying something about them having to relinquish control of their own systems in order to gain control of those of another pony, and such control meant the unicorn would have to sense for themselves what was going on in the system(s) of the other pony. And, while that made sense to me when it came to other ponies, it never answered my question about why they couldn’t use magic on their own systems. I can only guess that using their magic on themselves meant sensing internal organs that they didn’t want to sense, or the contents of those organs. I suppose it’s also reasonable to assume that there was the possibility, if the unicorn wasn’t careful, of accidentally hurting, perhaps even killing, the pony they were trying to control.

Like I said before, what ended up working was using modeling and animation software to generate particle effects to simulate the necessary expulsions when they needed to be seen, and just well-timed audio effects when they didn’t.

Pinkie would often surprise me with her knowledge of the references I’d make.

For instance, in the chapter “Of Dragons and Griffons,” when I first said that Fluttershy would be coming around the mountain when she came, Pinkie Pie laughed and sang the rest of the first verse, and even sang two more verses before I could get her to stop.

She started laughing uncontrollably when I first quoted the line from “The Last World Jurassic Park” in the chapter “We’ll Always Have Parasprites (or Not).” She even made a mouth with her front hooves and made growling sounds while opening and closing the hoof-mouth, then she laughed some more.

The references didn’t have to come from me. When Rainbow Dash, in the chapter “The Party at the Castle,” first said, “Mormon, I can explain everything,” once again Pinkie Pie burst into laughter. But, on that occasion, she got up on her hind legs and waved her forelimbs over her head and marched around like the typical depiction of a zombie; then, as with the other references, she laughed some more.

Scriptural and religious references and beliefs were a whole other story for Pinkie Pie. As it turns out, that’s one of those things about me that she really respected. And, her respect for my beliefs made me respect her all the more.

But, that didn’t necessarily mean that scripture readings were without any problems.

It wasn’t unusual, for instance, for one of the ponies, most often Applejack or Rarity, to get stuck repeatedly reading a line in a verse, and wonder why it wasn’t making any sense to them. Of course, as soon as they realized it wasn’t making sense, they figured out what was going on; and they moved on to the subsequent line.

Another problem the ponies frequently faced was the pronunciation of unfamiliar names and words. As for the words, it was either Twilight or Princess Celestia that helped. And, when it came to names, I was the one they turned to.

Interpreting scriptural references for the ponies was a lot of fun for me, and the ponies seemed to enjoy it as well. Then, when they started interpreting scriptures based on their own experiences, well, it gave me a better understanding of them, and it made the readings all the more enjoyable. And, in fact, the questions and answers during the scripture readings were rarely scripted; but that didn’t make them necessarily unwelcome. In fact, the input of those ponies helped me in writing the story. Their individual input, based on their understanding and inspiration, became part of the chapters where they occurred. It was one of those things that I really learned to appreciate about the readings.

I thought I'd put together a list of my favorite moments in volumes one and two of the Hey, Batter! series. The one rule I used was one moment per chapter. And, I'm going to start off with some honorable mentions before I get right into the top ten.

My first honorable mention comes from the twenty-fourth chapter of volume two, known as "The Complaint and the Settlement." I have yet to hear of anyone who liked how it was depicted that Pinkie Pie's dance, for all intents and purposes, started the fight between the Appleoosan ponies and the bison; but, I do have to wonder, if there had been two calm minds at work, one on the side of the bison and one on the side of the settlers, most certainly an agreement would have been reached, resulting in friendship on both sides, as opposed to violence.

My second honorable mention comes from chapter twenty-three of volume two, "The Complaint of the Bison." I've learned that, in the Maori language, their word, "tapu," doesn't just mean "sacred" or "forbidden;" it means "sacred to the point of being forbidden." And, with that in mind, I thought it made sense that the reason why the settler ponies didn't know about the land where the settlers planted their apple orchard being sacred to the bison was that the bison might've thought it was too sacred to mention. Thus, the responsibility for them losing their sacred stampeding grounds rested on the bison. How can someone recognize something as sacred if no one says that it is?

Third on my list of honorable mentions is in chapter eleven of volume two, "Let the Crusade Begin." I couldn't think of anything more appropriately funny than, with Applebloom in the kitchen wondering about a mark on her flank, her misunderstanding Mormon's comment about pancakes being her cutie mark, when he was actually referring to the scent, referred to by a message box. And then, when Mormon referred to pancakes not being everyone's cup of tea, the concept of pancake tea was another idea that struck me as funny.

My fourth honorable mention comes from chapter twenty-seven of volume two, "We Are All Connected by a Sonic Rainboom." It is mentioned in the book of Isaiah, as Mormon mentioned in the chapter, that a proper fast would cause the faster's health to "spring forth speedily." And, I have heard about records that pointed to that in scientific experiments. I myself have had that kind of experience with fasting, and I figured, why wouldn't it work for PInkie Pie? And, in the story, in this and subsequent chapters, PInkie Pie accepts and does her own experiment with the fast. And, it works for her.

My final honorable mention comes from chapter twenty of volume two, "Diamond Doggone It!" Here, I'm aware I may have opened a plot-hole or a mystery concerning Weed Whacker, as she seems to have surprising experience dealing with diamond dogs and their strategy of digging holes. Was it actual experience? Could it be instinct based on the repeated experience of her ancestors? I leave that up to you, the reader, to decide.

Now, for my top ten favorite events in the first two volumes:

No. 10: Volume 2, Chapter 6--Not Quite a Day Off

Singing with PInkie Pie to cheer her up after seeing a colt nearly die, then be healed by Mormon's avatar's touch, was a spur-of-the-moment thing, and the resulting musical number was a fun idea. Then, explaining to Vinyl that it was an emergency thing, and Vinyl labeling it as an "emergency musical number," certainly struck me as funny. I suppose it would've taken PInkie Pie to let Mormon know that such a musical number would be a serious matter. Still, it was fun for me.

No. 9: Volume 2, Chapter 12--Rarity A'Dressin' Her Friends

Considering Rainbow Dash's enjoyment of flying, it made sense to me that her wanting to make her dress "about twenty-percent cooler" would have something to do with making the dress, if not more aerodynamic, then at least more engineered for her safety if she should suddenly need to fly in it. And, what better way of bringing out that concern than to have her try on the dress so she could explain it better?

No. 8: Volume 1, Chapter 9--The Execution of Pinkie Pie

I don't know if it'll ever be addressed in the show, chances are it won't be. But, the question still comes to mind, what would happen if one or more of the element bearers were, at some point, unable to bear her element? Could that responsibility fall to another pony? And, would that pony have to be mare? Here, I explore the possibility that the elements could be passed to other ponies just in case the one holding it died or, in some other way, became unworthy to bear that element; and that a stallion could qualify. I don't know if that would've been intended; but, to me anyway, it's an interesting idea.

No. 7: Volume 2, Chapter 28--As Fast As Is Healthy

One thing that Isaiah encourages fasters to do is to "deal thy bread to the hungry." And, Pinkie Pie does this when Mormon directs her attention to Namby Pamby, who has had his food stolen from him by Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. Part of her fast is giving her prepared breakfast to Namby Pamby, and defending him while he eats.

No. 6: Volume 2, Chapter 9--Plant Humor

Personally, I like the idea of Pinkie Pie coming to Zecora's rescue, even under conditions where she had her own problems to deal with. And, it didn't hurt that she'd learned earlier that Zecora is one of Mormon's friends. Also, she shows how she looks up to Mormon, stating that no friend of Mormon could be as evil as ponies had been saying Zecora was.

No. 5: Volume 2, Chapter 32--Pinkie Pie's Birthday

Certainly one of the more poignant events I've written in this story was Mormon speaking directly to a Pinkamena that had withdrawn and left her sister, Diane, in control, and bringing her back out again. Knowing what had lead her to do that, but still making the retrieval of that information from Spike an important part of the game, made sense to me. And, it helped Pinkie Pie to have someone to turn to in her time of greatest need.

No. 4: Volume 2, Chapter 33--The Party at the Castle

I don't know about anyone else, but it seemed to me that Fluttershy needed Mormon's help more than any of the other element bearers or even Lyra. After all, Fluttershy, in the episode "The Best Night Ever," went insane with frustration at the creatures in the castle garden running away from her. I have to wonder, would the grounds keeper pony have been able to help her gain the trust of those creatures? I think he could have.

No. 3: Volume 2, Chapter 19--A Number on the Music

I'm probably as far from a fan of "Bohemian Rhapsody" as you could imagine. In an episode of "American Idol," when that one man tried out for the show by singing a monotone, squeaky, spiritless version of the song, I saluted him for giving that song the treatment I felt it so richly deserved. With that in mind, it shouldn't be that big of a surprise to find out that I celebrated the episode, "Show Stoppers," with what seemed to be their own parody of that song, in this chapter. In all honesty, if the episode had proved to be a tribute to "Bohemian Rhapsody," I would have chosen to never watch it again. But, because of this mockery, "Show Stoppers" is one of my favorite episodes.

No. 2: Volume 2, Chapter 2--Game Changer in the Basement

I wanted Hey, Batter! Success to be the opposite of Hey, Batter! Failure, and thus the opposite of Cupcakes. And, what better place to do that than the second visit to the factory basement where Pinkie Pie processed Gilda, and tell her that she wasn't behaving like the Pinkie Pie he knew and loved? More about this Pinkie Pie will be talked about in the prequel volume, "PInkamena and Diane Pies' Turn on Earth." But, in the mean time, the second visit to the basement made sense to me as the best stage for that major turning point.

No. 1: Volume 2, Chapter 34--Wings, Horns, and the Earth

Considering the programming wasn't going to allow for her to earn both, what better way to conclude the culmination of events than to reward Pinkie Pie with either Pinkamena's horn or Diane's wings? And, in this case, Pinkie got Diane's wings. And, the journey to get to this point was very much worth it for Mormon. While the game ended at the beginning of the day, what mattered was Mormon's victory, his success, in helping the pink party pony advance on her way to becoming an alicorn. Are unicorns and pegasi closer to being alicorns than earth ponies? Maybe, maybe not. But, after this point, this video game Pinkie Pie is one step closer.

This is to let you know about the work I've put into Volume 3 of Hey, Batter!, which I plan to call Angel of Mirth. And, I've already got, including the introduction, six chapters beta-typed and entered in. I just thought I'd give you an idea of some of the ideas I've already got in the story.

The introduction is actually the resuming of the game from where the second volume ended. The story covers another pet play date, and ends the way the chapters in the second volume most often ended.

The first chapter is divided into twenty-five parts, starting with a dream and covering a full day, hour-by-hour, basically setting it apart as a chapter based on a two-part episode. I don't know for sure if I'll do this for all two-part episodes, but it works for this one.

In the first chapter, Mormon makes a deal with Discord, that if Discord can turn each and every element bearer without physically touching even one of them, then he'll withdraw and leave Equestria to him. But, Mormon wins the right to interfere if Discord can't turn all of the bearers without touching one of them. Of course, Mormon knows what's going to happen; and, when he wins the bet, he says something to Discord which, I'm sure, would infuriate the real one if he heard it.

There will be further scripture readings, starting where they were left off in this volume. And, those reading will have a bearing on events that happen in the story, at least as far as Mormon's group of close friends is concerned. And, on that subject, from chapter one, two more friends will be added to Mormon's group.

After chapter one, I have events leading up to Vinyl Scratch no longer communicating vocally. He still communicates, but by writing things down. For now, let it suffice to say that her friends have something to do with it.

In one of the readings, the subject of Stockholm Syndrome comes up; and, in the subsequent chapter, Mormon effectively Stockholms Lyra, and then Pinkie Pie, through hypothetical situations.

These are just some of the ideas I have so far. If you have any ideas that you think would work well in my stories, I have two e-mail addresses: If you prefer Google mail, you can contact me at [email protected]. But, if you prefer hotmail, you can contact me at [email protected]. Or, you can always just leave a comment in one of my stories. Just know that the story where the comment is left won't necessarily be where the idea will be implemented. And, I reserve the right to refuse an idea I think is inappropriate for one of my stories.

Not long after I finished this playthrough of the game, I got a call from Pinkie Pie. From what I know, they don’t have telephones in Equestria; so, I can’t explain how she was able to call me. And, the call doesn’t even seem to register with the telephone company; so it cost me nothing. I can only say that she did call me.

To keep the conversation interesting, I’ll just say who was speaking, followed by a colon. I won’t document it as “I said, then she said, then I said, then she said,” as I expect that’d get boring after a while. However, I may put in brackets, before the colon, if, for instance, one of us laughs. It may come off as script format, but I can’t see it working any other way.

So, without further delays, here’s how our conversation went.

Me: Hello.

Pinkie: Hi, Daddy. It’s me.

Me: Pinkie Pie! It’s been quite a long time! How are you?

Pinkie: I’m doin’ great, Daddy. How are you? How’s the family?

Me: We’re all doing fine. It's great to hear from you again. So, were you able to help Rainbow Dash?

Pinkie: You know, thanks to my experiences with you, yes, I was able to help her. You were right. It didn’t matter that I didn’t have the exact same experiences that she had. All that mattered was that I have something in common with her. She’s doin’ a lot better now. And, the other element bearers have met their own humans. Even Twilight’s with a human now.

Me: That’s interesting. So, when’ll she be back?

Pinkie: You know, that may take a few more days. But, after that, we plan on having a reunion with all our humans here in Equestria. There’s just one problem, though.

Me: What’s wrong?

Pinkie {sighs}: It’s Dashy’s human. He’s not doin’ too good.

Me: What’s wrong with him?

Pinkie: He’s got some kind of cancer. From what we’ve heard, he doesn’t have a lot of time left.

Me: I’m sorry to hear about that.

Pinkie {sighs}: Yeah. Dashy’s gonna visit him one more time. She’ll be the first of us to have had a human, but she’ll most likely be the only one who’s human couldn’t make it. But, in the mean time, I’ve been reading the notes you’ve been writing down about the game you made, the one I helped you make.

Me: So, do you like it so far?

Pinkie: Well, there is one thing about it that bothers me. Early on, when you wrote about my twin sister, you wrote that she was an alternate identity?

Me {groans}: That’s right.

Pinkie: You should know as well as I do, and better than anypony else, that isn’t true. You know as well as I do that Diane is my conjoined twin sister. She and I share the same body. You know that she’s more than just another identity.

Me: You’re right, Pinkie. I shouldn’t have referred to her that way.

Pinkie {sighs}: Well, since it’s publicized now, I guess there’s no way to change it. Just, … remember that from now on.

Me: Yes, Pinkie, I will.

Pinkie: Now, one thing I like is how you took my advice, and deliberately lost the first playthrough before winning the second one. I know that couldn’t have been easy for you.

Me: You're right, Pinkie, it wasn't.

Pinkie: But, if you hadn’t lost that first one, then my video game version wouldn’t have had a resource to turn to in that dream sequence your avatar, your character, was a part of. In a weird way, it was really a nice thing for you to do.

Me: I don’t know that everyone would see it that way, but I appreciate that you think so.

Pinkie: And, just so you know, I have been taking control of her from time to time, just to make her as authentic as possible.

Me: Like when the Pinkie in the game told me to be quiet and shut the game down when I was taking too long with my notes?

Pinkie: That’s right.

Me: You know, I thought that had to be you. I knew there were times when the video game Pinkie felt more real than at other times.

Pinkie {laughs}: You really thought that scene in “The Best Night Ever,” when Rainbow Dash knocked over the pillars, was some kind of reference to the Mummy movies?

Me {laughs}: I wouldn’t have had Rainbow Dash say “Mormon, I can explain everything,” if I didn’t think so.

We both laughed for a few seconds after that. This is all of the conversation I’ll publish, except to let you know that Pinkie Pie gave me permission to publish the record of how she and I met, as well as the ten years we spent together, me raising her from when she was a filly, how she helped me start a family of my own, and, basically, the impact she left on me and my life. Actually, it's more that she ordered me to publish that record. Based on what she said, it’ll be a few years, maybe six or so, before the reunion; but, in the mean time, I have that record to publish, as well as an extension to put together. If all goes well, the extension will be complete by the time I’m finished telling you about the ten years Pinkie and I spent together. And, if there’s a demand for it, I may publish my documentation on the extended game, which should include the episodes of season two of My Little Pony Friendship is Magic. And, this time, I plan to include code that’ll allow Pinkie Pie to become an alicorn. So, until then, this is Mormon, and A_Mormon Brony, signing off.

Author's Notes:

I'll release the prequel to my Failure story two weeks from now, and publish the introduction and first chapter then. There'll be no scripture readings, although there will be at least one reference. But, if there is a demand for a Volume Three of the Hey, Batter! series, it'll come after the prequel to Failure, "Pinkamena and Diane Pies' Turn on Earth," is fully published.

In the mean time, after the publishing of this conclusion, I'll mark this story "On Hiatus" while I do a final proofread of each of the chapters. Then, once that's done, I'll mark this volume "Complete." And, it'll be during this "On Hiatus" time that I'll be working on the list of ten favorite moments in the story, which may include the first volume.