The Conversion Bureau - The Return of the King
Return To Sender by Dan's Comments
Disclaimer: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.
Godzilla is the property of Toho Company Ltd.

Discord watched from a distance and felt the reminder of why he loved humans so much. Beyond their entertainment value, they were a form of chaos he had neglected. The Royal Guard were idiots. When they'd closed in on the 'coven' of Newfoals in the Badlands south of Appleoosa, who were attempting to escape by mass teleport to 'Newfoal Island', the raid should have gone off without a hitch. Adult Newfoals regularly lost snowball fights to native foals.

But the human technique of aikido 'the Way of the Harmonious Spirit' had been redeveloped for ponies. Since it emphasized not harming the opponent, the Newfoals' conditioning did not prevent them from becoming experts, or using it on the Royal Guards who'd come to arrest them. That they been surprised by Newfoals 'fighting back' was understandable, that they'd reacted with utter incompetence to facing skilled opponents was utterly inexcusable. And utterly hilarious.

The only injuries were to the pride of the Guards. The Guards were locked within a palisade made of their own armor and weapons. Then the Newfoals retreated into their compound, and erected a shield while the Guards freed themselves.

Now a human commander facing basically an uprising of Quakers would have stationed a platoon of soldiers, possibly with a forward observer for some light artillery, and left it at that. He would have trusted starvation to do his work for him.

Not so the Equestrian Royal Guard, not a direct slap in the face of Princess Celestia's authority, Discord thought as he watched the calls for reinforcements, Archmages to batter down the shield, and more troops to 'deal' with the revolt. Oh, it's too bad I can't show up, but I know, well I can guess, what those Newfoals are doing. They are either going ahead with their escape plan, or they are going to make the Guard slaughter them to the last mare and foal.

Discord grinned and prepared a few press releases about the incompetent Guards' action, and their reaction to being gently shown the door. And speculation about the Guards' actions. I'll play up the 'we're all friends and Equestrian' angle, so when the slaughter comes, it'll be that much more shocking. Oh, this is going to be wonderful! He giggled and erased the viewing plate.

"Oh those poor ponies of Celestia's inner circle, they'll have a perfect chance to show the Newfoals about peace and Harmony, and Celestia's forces will steamroller the Newfoals into a bloody mess, and I won't have to do a thing besides make sure everyone knows." His laughter literally shook him to pieces. "I love humans!"
------------------------------

"Then you should be on my side!" the unicorn shouted at Twilight-Breezy as she rode atop Unicorn Spike, "Those weirdos are an abomination that even Princess Celestia couldn't cure."

"Please," Twilight said, "They are ponies, like us. They are just having trouble settling in."

"Then throw them all out, don't 'let them go' to their damned island, round them up and throw them out!" another government minister shouted, "All of them! Damn blank-flank weirdos!"

Twilight looked around from angry face to angry face. All I suggested was that the Princess needed a little time to reason with them, Twilight thought as Spike's tail wrapped around her.

A moment later he leapt out of the circle and trotted out of the audience chamber with the baying pack at his heels.

"This is insane," Twilight said, "Those Newfoals are throwing a tantrum and the whole world starts going crazy."

Spike's silence bothered her. Too many of his increasingly infrequent responses lately had been monosyllabic.

"Spike, we'll find a way to turn you back into a dragon," she assured him.

He didn't react at all. Until he saw that Rarity dragon and Fluttercorn were coming in the other direction also making a hasty retreat to their quarters. Then he broke into a gallop so they'd arrive in tight sequence. With his hooves being the last thing the pursuers saw before the door slammed in their faces.

Twilight reinforced the locking spell on the door and looked around. Applejack, who'd remained behind, was looking utterly despondent. Discord was sipping tea beside her, and fending Pinkiecord from the small barrel of cider that was the keystone of the 'care package' from Ponyville.

"I said wait until the others have arrived," Discord said, "And each of you can have some." He leaned over to Dash. "Even you."

Even the promise of Sweet Apple Acre's cider didn't raise the former pegasus' spirits.

"I was just telling Applejack about what a marvelous job Applebloom and Big Mac are doing running the farm. How proud she should be of them stepping up and growing up," Discord said, "And how they want her to come for a visit as soon as she can."

Twilight was about to congratulate her, when she noted that hearing that drove Applejack deeper into depression.

"Well, must go. I know I'm a damper on you having a really, special party," Discord said and vanished.

"They don't need me no more," Applejack said as she stared at her hooves. She took off her Stetson and turned it around in her hooves. "I guess I need to send this to Applebloom. It's fer who runs Sweet Apple Acres after all."

Before she could react, Applejack vanished, leaving the hat behind on the care package. The door to her room closed and a magical field formed over it.

"Has everypony gone crazy?" Twilight asked, "Who said anything about giving up our lives?"

Rarity gave Twilight a tolerant look. "You were always the Princess' protege. Applejack and I were independent businessmares." She sighed. "At least Applejack has someone to take over her business."

"Rarity, I'm so sorry," Twilight said, "I'm sure if you asked the Princess, you could go home."

"Fluttershy and I were coming from an audience with Princess Luna." Rarity raised herself up. "The crowns' needs must override your own. At least Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo have been doing a fair job looking after Fluttershy's animals. I've already had an offer for the boutique. I think it's best if I take it."

"Why is this happening?" Twilight asked.

For some reason, Rainbow started laughing. Really laughing. Even Pinkie moved away from her as the creepy laughter continued. The sudden stop was even eerier. A hint of the old Rainbow looked out at them from the earth pony with the multicolored mane and tail. "Why? Because we aren't people. We are the Elements of Harmony, Celestia's Hammer. The moment we found those things, we lost our right to do as we chose. I was NEVER going to be a Wonderbolt while I was a Bearer." She looked at Rarity. "You always knew you'd be yanked away from your shop on missions." She stared at Twilight. "And you were willing to do anything, just because the princess asked. The missions were more important than our lives. This is just us all realizing it." Rainbow walked off to her room and slammed the door.

Twilight looked around and realized nopony, nobody, would look at her.
------------------------------

I looked at the skies and watched the pegasi and airships scatter. The attack on the Newfoal flotilla had ended, but I was beginning to think these attacks, and the increasing size and scale of these refugee flotillas was to prevent me from relieving the force in the Badlands. The one rescue mission I was able to achieve was the Baltimare coven who summoned me in the first place. Why them? Pure numbers. One-hundred eighty-five in the Badlands, eight-hundred and seventy-three in the Baltimare camp.

On a darker note, I know that the coming massacre in the Badlands would cover up the same kind of massacre in Baltimare. It's numbers, pure unfeeling numbers. The news media was talking up the plans for negotiations. With Celestia demanding as a first condition that they drop the shield and submit to her authority. The obvious question then is 'what bargaining chips do they have in the resulting negotiations?' I thought as I watched the boats heading for the 'safety' of Newfoal Island. The Royal Guard had been probing the defenses, trying to discover what will be the threat level when they do invade, and to numb the populace. The problem was that they learned those tactics from Human members of the Guard. The locals knew those tactics too. And so do I. I've 'dropped in' on their camps, outside their coastal cities, and near a few of their dormant volcanoes. The message is clear, they don't have a monopoly on terror raids, and my escalation will be to depopulate a large swath of their country. Actually, it will be to level their capital, kill every noble there and annihilate any army in the field. The nobles were more horrified by the idea of 'the sheep' living on without them than the loss of any amount of the sheep. It's good to periodically line the ruling elite up against the wall and shoot them. It's the only lesson too many politicians understand. Watering the Tree of Liberty with the blood of tyrants and patriots.

I knew it would eventually come down to destroying Celestia. But I first wanted to destroy her standing with the average Equestrian. To make her display the ruthlessness she and her troops did on Earth. Without the Barrier, the news would flow to the average ponies. Without the Barrier, questions will be raised, and will have to be answered, officially denied, or officially ignored. I was hoping for a cover up, those always lead to more uncomfortable questions and more dissatisfaction and distrust.

Ashore, the group on watch settled into their nightly routine. They don't huddle in the cold with binoculars, but in groups around scrying pools and crystal balls. They also retained one pony characteristic: they sing. Patriotic songs at first, then movie themes, then more popular tunes were sung. I doubt Guns and Roses was meant for choral arrangement, but they make it work. That alone was a bit of human defiance. The human music had not been forgotten. The pony conditioning made them sing like a Busby Berkeley stage event, but that seemed a fair trade off to hearing the old songs again.

Of course they had to sing Blue Oyster Cult's Go Go Godzilla at least once every night. Such is my fate, I thought, I would prefer Mothra's Song actually, but no one sings that.

In the halls where the leaders had gathered every night since the Badlands situation began, they went over plans of what they could do. As the days passed, as more refugees took advantage of the Guard's distraction, as the few guards available became more ruthless, the conclusion became 'nothing'.