"My Dears... Happiness consists of being able to tell the truth without hurting anyone."

Twilight watched in amazement as poor Guido tried desperately to escape the expectations of the world around him. The story of 8½ was so compelling that she felt like every other movie she'd ever watched paled in comparison. This...this was a true masterpiece.

"Oh Guido!" she cried out. "If only they'd let you make your own projects! How can they give you no way out and make you face all those women?"

Alas, the movie had to eventually come to a close, complete with its beautiful ending that the writer of this story isn't likely to mention since he is certifiably allergic to spoilers.

"That was...amazing!" Twilight enthusiastically stated. "There's never been a movie I could quite relate to so closely. It reminds me so much of my Royal duties and my lack of any desire to complete them."

"Well then why don't you resign?" asked Captain Buzzkill.

"Because I can't!" Twilight exclaimed, grabbing him roughly by the shoulders. "Don't you see? I'm trapped! Everypony expects me to be the 'God-Princess of Ponyville' when all I really am is an anti-social bookworm. This isn't my world, Spike."

"Well, gee, when you put it like that..."

"Here I am, stuck with obligations I never wanted as a result of doing deeds that I no longer can relate to or even wish to do! It's so maddening," she said, sighing deeply. Spike quickly wrapped his arms around her, holding the melancholic mare closely. "D-do you remember when we used to have fun, Spike?"

"Yeah, I do."

"That was rhetorical. Anyways, as I was saying, those times were great. We used to play together, Shining used to actually pay attention to me, and I was doing well at something I loved. I never expected...I never expected this."

Twilight sniffled before continuing. "We're all damned to the fates we gave ourselves, never quite understanding what we were getting into until we were far too gone. All this praise and expectation was never part of my world. I don't even know what I'm doing here anymore. I sometimes wonder if the world would even miss me if I just killed-"

A hard slap to the face brought Twilight back to her senses. "Don't you ever say that, Twilight Sparkle!" Spike shouted, a scowl on his face. "No matter what goes on or what everypony out there says, I would miss you! You're important to me."

She stared at him in shock for a moment before realizing what he meant. "Oh Spike, I'm so sorry I even said that. I-I don't know what came over me."

"It's okay, Twilight. We all have our moments," he said, stroking her mane. "Just remember that, okay? For me?"

"Okay, Spike, I promise. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my- AH!" Twilight cried out as she stuck her hoof into her eye socket for the eight millionth time. "Why can't I ever remember not to do that?"

"Habbit?"

"Maybe."

The two of them chuckled before settling back down. "Well I guess it's time for me to write another friendship report to my drunken mentor. Take a note, Spike!"

"Yes, Mistress!" the young drake answered, whipping out a quill and piece of parchment out of seemingly nowhere. "When you're ready."

"Hold on a moment, Spike. I think I'm missing something..."

"A million bits?"

"Haha, you're funny. But no, seriously, I know I'm missing something important."

Twilight thought about it for a moment before remembering what she needed. A deft motion later and the young alicorn had slapped a fedora on her head. "There! Now, as I was saying..."

Dear Princess Celestia,

Fuck off.

Sincerely,

Twilight Sparkle.